Looking into the Iceberg

Professor Julie Hay

China

India

RomaniaAustralia

South Africa

Mexico

UK

Israel

Russia Turkey

Poland

Ukraine

USA

Serbia

Netherlands

Keynote topics

¨ recognition patterns and attitudes¨ personal styles, working styles ¨ relationship styles¨ contracting – for win-win relationships¨ managing change

Donkey bridges¨ Alliteration, spell words etc to help recall¨ Misery is optional – you can change the words

Hay Health Warning!

Range of ideas¨ Make your own choices¨ Some now, some later?

Strokes

¨ units of recognition¨ anything that

demonstrates aware of other person

¨ biological necessity

Positive or Negative

inviting the recipient to feel okay about themselves and others

Includes constructive criticism

inviting the recipient to feel not-okay about themselves and/or others

Includes praise by comparison

Verbal Visual Touch

¨ Intensity varies depending on content and context

Stroking patterns

¨ take time to establish

¨ stressful when change

¨ filtered through attitudes

Me

Pat

Chris

Lee

Suri

Kim

Lauren

New agenc

y

Previous agency

Client

I’m not OK I’m OKYou’re OK You’re OK

I’m not OK I’m OKYou’re not OK You’re not OK

Windows on the World

Personal Styles - Wavelengths

Natural Child Adapted Child

Nurturing Parent Controlling Parent

Functional Adult

Personal Styles¨ Controlling Parent - firm

¨ Nurturing Parent - encouraging

¨ Functional Adult - problem solving

¨ Adapted Child - courteous

¨ Natural Child – friendly

Working styles

¨ Seen as our strengths¨ 5 of them¨ problems when overdone – ‘drivers’¨ stress generates more driver¨ we all know all but usually one or two

predominate

Hurry Up Be Perfect

Please People Be Strong

Try Hard

Working Styles

¨ Hurry Up – quick but impatient¨ Be Perfect – accurate but pedantic¨ Please People – empathic but appeasing¨ Be Strong – calm but unfeeling¨ Try Hard –enthusiastic but butterfly mind

Relationship Styles

¨ Pulling it together¨ Common combinations¨ Hay Health Warning again!!

AP3 The first 2 dimensions

active

people alone

passive

AP3 Channels of Communication

active

people alone

passive

Functional Adult – Functional Adult

Natural Child – Natural Child

Nurturing Parent – Nurturing Parent

Controlling Parent – Adapted Child

AP3 The 3rd Dimensionactive

people alone

passive

patience

acceleration

AP3 Working Stylesactive

people alone

passive

patience

acceleration

Please People

Hurry Up

Try Hard Be Strong

Be Perfect

AP3 Stroking Preferences

active

people alone

passive

patience

acceleration

Person

Productivity

Play Polite only

Performance

AP3 Relationship Stylesactive

people alone

passive

patience

acceleration

Caring

Concise!

Connecting Controlling

Consulting

Contracting – levels of agreement

¨ Procedural¨ Professional¨ Psychological

Multi-party contractsClient Org

Agency Account Mgt

Procurement Marketing

Psychological distances

Marketing

Client

Old AgencyNew Agency

ProcurementAgency

Psychological distances

Each needs to be equilateral

Psychological level taken into account

Managing Change

¨ Does NOT need to involve grieving¨ Mirrors childhood growth – and issues¨ Opportunity for healthy development –

and resolution of old issues

Cycles of DevelopmentBeing

Exploring

SkillsIdentity

Thinking

Integration

Spirals within spirals

Competence Curve

Immobilisation

Denial

Frustration

Acceptance

DevelopmentApplication

Completion

not to scale

Competence

Time

What is under the surface¨ strokes¨ windows on the world¨ personal styles¨ working styles¨ relationship styles¨ contracting¨ change as growth