Musicians: How to Deal with Bad Attitudes
Human beings can be pretty complex life units. Some people are easy to work
with while others seem impossible.
In the professional work-a-day world of a freelance musician there are fewer
attitude difficulties than when guys are just starting out. Why? Well, when you
have attitude problems that make getting the show on the road difficult you get
fired. Period. When rehearsals and gigs need to occur, there’s no room for
wasting time on people with attitude problems or lack of commitment when
commitment is needed. One of the hallmarks of a professional is not letting his
emotions, personal feelings or hobbies get in the way of productivity. The only
people who get away with problem-attitudes are guys that are so great at what
they do that they are in great demand. (This is NOT the way to go!) Even so, they
don’t last long!
A bottom line observation is—just as you have things you want to do, and ways
you think they should be done—so do others. Conflict simply arises when person
“A” and person “B” see things differently. Though some people are crazed
beyond sanity, and some people act evilly towards those around them, they are
still just trying to do what they think is best. Keeping that as an underlying
viewpoint can be quite helpful.
When dealing with sane people, working out conflicts is feasible because you
can discuss different points of view and come to some kind of conclusion about
whatever you’re dealing with. (This doesn’t mean that if you can’t come to a
conclusion that one of you is not sane though…) People want to be right and live
well, but sometimes their idea of right is either very different than yours, or
enforced on you.
When faced with conflict, communication is the only remedy. When you have
enough understanding of another person’s viewpoints, and they have enough
under-standing of your viewpoints—resolution is possible if the goals involved
are aligned enough. In order to accomplish this, you have to respect people
enough to let them have their say, and inquire about things that you don’t
understand, while really listening to what you hear. It’s amazing how different
another person’s viewpoint can be.
Working things out with people who have
heavy attitudes can be a different story,
and depending upon how good you are in
human behaviour will have an easy or
rough time at it. The same principle of
communication being key applies, but you
need to have more patience with someone
if they: reject what you say; don’t seem to
be willing to get the point; argue
needlessly; or portray a myriad of
unworkable attitudes. You need to deal
with them at a reality level they’ll get—and
talk it out until some conclusion is arrived
at.
A workable method of dealing with
negative attitudes is to align the
conversation to the goal of the activity,
e.g., what’s going to get us the most work, what’s going to make rehearsals
more efficient, etc. Regardless of the attitude, the one common reality you’ll
have is that you are both currently in the same location, the room for example,
and probably in the same band with some kind of mutual goal. That’s the
alignment factor and your safety net because you at least have these things in
common.
Something to realize is that some people will never change their attitude unless
they go through some intense emotional and/or spiritual changes that undercut
their entire mental attitude of existence. If you try to change them you’re not
only wasting everybody’s time, but are headed for disaster and endless
difficulty. A rock is a rock. But, if you can get some agreement on where you are
going and what are you doing to get there, sometimes you can work things out.
You don’t have to be friends with the people you work with. When you’re playing
good music the aesthetic quality of the creation of art can transcend the entire
human factor, though it is best to like the people you play with.
If you can’t work things out, there are only three things you can do:
Live with it.
Fire the person.
Quit the band yourself.
LIVING WITH IT
I was in a nine-piece show band at an
amusement park many years ago, and the
drummer was impossible to work with. He’d
throw trash on the floor wherever he was,
constantly made fun of people, rushed like mad
when soloing and accused the rest of the band
of dragging. He was a real pain. Everyone in the
band, especially the band leader, had called him
aside at one point or another and tried to work
it out. We wanted him to stop doing these
things because it bugged us, but the drummer
was always right. He always had a reason and a “valid” excuse for every point
mentioned and wasn’t going to see anybody else’s viewpoint for nothin’. Socially
he was a pretty pleasant guy—but his attitude about life was pretty hostile. If it
was my band I would have fired him. But, I liked the gig so just never talked to
him about anything more than the weather, and never hung out with him unless I
had to.
Because of the way I acted, I had a very cool gig for four years. On the other
hand, the trombonist was constantly getting into squabbles and arguments with
the guy because he was trying to get him to change—which was a losing battle.
The person with the highest awareness of the situation inherits being
responsible for it one way or the other. It’s as much your responsibility to work
with an unruly person as it is for him to work with you. Given that we don’t need
to agree on everything to gig with each other, many situations can be avoided
by not actively aggravating the situation ourselves.
FIRING SOMEONE
A keyboardist in my main casual band once would not get
with the program. He was a great player, but during
dinner sets would always get too loud and “outside” for
the audiences we were playing for. We extensively
discussed how it was bad for business in that it annoyed
people, displeased the clients and could hurt our
referrals. He was a seasoned player and knew all of these
things, but his heart was no longer in this type of work
and he just stopped caring about anything but doing what
he wanted. So I fired him—and he was a friend of mine.
Business is business.
Before firing somebody it’s good to give a guy a chance unless he’s totally
impossible, then I suggest the following sequence:
Talk with the person and try to work it out.
If the problem persists, talk with the person again and be very specific—get
down to all the fine points. Discuss what is being said or done, and what the
results of his/her actions are, and the whole thing. Talk about the who, what,
where, why and becauses of it all.
If the problem still persists give him one last warning.
If the problem still persists fire him.
Realize too, that people can have bad days and go through tough times. Nothing
justifies being unprofessional, but unless something is chronic (always there),
helping someone work something out is a very cool thing to do. It’s good to help
the ones we’re associated with, and after all—we’re all in this together. The
better each of us does, the better everybody around us will do and vice versa.
QUITTING THE BAND
Sometimes you just have to quit the band, or not join it to begin with. If you’re
not gigging and are mostly playing for fun and experience, don’t do it if it’s not
fun!
If you don’t need the money, or feel confident about getting another gig as soon
as you need to—quit, and be done with the hassle. But, if you need the money,
and don’t have the confidence that you’ll get another gig by the time your money
runs out you might want to stick it out.
Something to keep in mind is your own mental
disposition toward things. If you are going to quit a
band because certain people introvert you and
make you feel bad—well, maybe anyone can introvert
you and make you feel bad because that’s the way you
are. Some people take offense easily, for example,
and are quickly bothered by things said to them, like
constructive criticism or not accepting an idea you
had, or whatever.
All I’m saying here is to also inspect yourself as well as others. We are
responsible for the things that happen in our lives and earth is a two-way street
whether we like it or not. All too often people point fingers toward someone else
before first seeing what’s going on with themselves.
There’s no one formula that says to do this or that. Some people never put up
with crap from anybody at anytime, while others can work things out. One
person can be bugged by someone’s attitude and somebody else not. We’re in
the field of human behavior here and it’s a pretty large one. The bottom line is—
you do what you need to do according to what you think is best. You need to
keep your personal integrity intact and take counsel with yourself despite any
evaluations from others.
(Be sure and work something out with groups you leave so you don’t leave a trail
of potential enemies behind. These may be people you eventually want to work
with, or people who might want to hire you at some point in the future.)
SELF-CONFIDENCE
The more confidence you have in yourself, the easier everything is. When you
are self-confident you feel good about who you are, what you are doing and have
faith in your ability to make correct decisions. The better you feel about yourself
the easier it is to actually observe what’s going on, then determine what to do or
how to act in any given situation.
Though many things can contribute to one’s confidence level, the bottom line for
a musician is his or her musicianship level, balanced with playing experience.
When you are good and know it, when you’ve played with many people and
experienced doing well, and when you’ve recovered and moved forward from
falling on your head a few times—you develop self-confidence. When you have
confidence in yourself it will come across to other people and they will have
confidence in you as well.
Whereas crooked teeth, being unhealthy and any emotional instabilities can all
diminish self-confidence; practicing efficiently, sounding good and liking what
you do can raise it. Practicing your instrument isn’t going to “cure” a deep-
seated fear of purple grasshoppers but the more you know about what you are
doing the better your chances are of having
true confidence.
Certain people seem confident all the time no
matter what they’re doing, or no matter how
well or not they are doing it. Some people are
just like that, whereas others need to work at
it harder. Displaying confidence can be many
things from having a natural inner calm,
covering up insecurities, to a burst of power
to pull oneself through a tough time.
People increase their confidence in many ways. Musically speaking, when you
train at your craft, get good, feel good about your playing and play with others a
lot you gain confidence.
ANTAGONISTIC PEOPLE
You cannot be successful or confident at anything if you are closely connected
to someone who is antagonistic toward you or what you are doing. Whether it be
open hostility toward you, or the smiley-faced-stabbing-remarks that “don’t
really mean anything,” these people can ruin your life—and will.
For the more innocent people in the world it can be hard to believe that
someone you are close to would prefer you to fail. Why would anybody be that
way? Well, without getting into the “Whys” of it all, some people are like that
and you need to be alerted to this fact.
Have you ever known anyone, that every time you’ve finished speaking with
them about what you are doing you feel like maybe you shouldn’t do it; or maybe
you’re not good enough; or you feel a little “smaller” than you did before? Well,
they might or might not be “bad people,” but chances are you shouldn’t talk to
them about your personal activities anymore.
The person who doesn’t believe your musical goals are valid and thinks they
should be given up; the girlfriend or boyfriend who gets pissed because you’re
always practicing or going out to rehearse; the person who insists that you
should “grow up” and stop dreaming about things that could never happen; and a
dozen viewpoints like these mean one thing—they want you to give your music
up, because in their eyes you are going to fail. (Chances are they gave up their
dreams long ago and couldn’t imagine anyone else achieving theirs.)
Life can be tough enough
without close contacts making it
worse.
If it’s not a chronic thing you can
generally work it out. For
example, if a husband starts
neglecting his wife, there’s
gonna be trouble, and some
family policy needs to be made.
If Aunt Martha hasn’t a clue
about what’s happening, you might be able to explain it to her in a way that
results in her saying, “Oh! I had no idea that you were so serious about your
music. Well, good luck!”
These are isolated situations that are easily remedied.
But, when you have someone actively counter-intending what you are doing, you
have got a problem that needs to be dealt with. There are only two ways to go:
(1) you handle the person so they never say these things to you, and even if they
don’t support what you are doing, at least they don’t oppose it—openly or
internally, or (2) you have to not see this person anymore. Period.
I’ve seen people quit playing because of associations like this; and I’ve seen a
dramatic resurgence of a persons career after remedying it. This is very
important, even if difficult to deal with—which it can be.
Fun and success are what’s happening, so don’t let anyone kill it for you—not
anyone.
The world needs good music and good entertainment; and if you have the
chance of supplying it I invite you to do so—it can benefit everyone around.
- See more at: http://buttwinickmusic.com/music-and-life-blog/bad-
attitudes/935/#sthas
We've been following SmugMug Films' ongoing behind-
the-lens series which provide a look at people who
follow their passions in photography. The latest
installment features Hawaii-based duo CJ Kale and
Nick Selway, who have spent the last ten years
photographing volcanic lava flows in their home state.
We asked the pair a few question about how they got started and
how they stay out of harm's way in their line of work. Here's what
they said.
How did each of you get started as photographers?
CJ: I started photographing when I was a kid with a camera my mom
gave me to get started. It was an Olympus that used a 1/2 wind, great
for learning exposure on film. I fell in love with photography and did it
as a hobby for years, later I pursued it as a career. Photographing the
lava and off of boats where I later met Nick Selway and we opened or
first gallery together about 10 years ago.
Nick: I always had a love for the outdoors. Later in college I took some
photography classes and learned that I had a natural eye. I needed to
learn the camera and the technical aspects of photography, and
school did that for me.
You work in some precarious, often dangerous settings. How do you
choose what gear you take with you?
We will choose gear that is needed to capture the particular shot or
shots that we are going for. Unfortunately due to weight we can't
always carry all the safety gear we would like to have. Water is
important but sometimes first aid is miles away. Camera gear takes
precedence
What gear do you shoot with most frequently?
Due to the cost of film we shoot mostly digital but when conditions
are right we love to shoot off a few frames of 4x5 film for the
resolution.
What kinds of precautions do you take when shooting near active
volcanos?
First we bring water as it is easy to get dehydrated out there. Next, a
mask for the fumes. Good shoes are important, and then the most
important thing is knowledge of the volcano and its dangers, which
can only be learned over time from someone who has learned it
before you.
Have you ever set up a shot and decided 'no this is too dangerous'?
In our line of work we come across many images that we would like
to capture but the conditions just do not allow for. Knowing these
conditions can be the difference between life and death out there.
What tips would you give a beginner interested in photographing
volcanoes?
The best tip is to go with a knowledgeable guide that will keep you
safe. After that, our best advice is to bring a good tripod to allow
you to be creative with your exposures. Always keep a keen eye on
changes in the landscape that occur constantly and adapt to them.
How do you stay inspired as photographers and artists?
With Mother Nature there is never a lack of inspiration - there is just
not enough time in this life to capture all we have been inspired by.
How do you define success?
Capturing an image that gives
someone the feeling of the area
that we were at and conveys
the beauty and spirit of the
landscape to its viewer.
Source: SmugMug
Kings Of Leon
have been the freshest
thing to come out of the
South of the U.S.A it the
last decade … But we
don’t quite know the
band behind the warm
southern accent and
the screaming fans…
"Once I start to drink you don’t
want to be around me because
there’s a level of brutal honesty, if not
just pure meanness." The frontman
also later added: "In a way, I lash out
at everyone else ’cause that’s when I
start to point fingers at myself. I don’t
know what I’m tormented by but it’s
something. Maybe I’m just a drunk."
"I’ve never been to rehab," he said. "I
just stopped. I enjoyed rediscovering
what it’s like to be normal, and not
play the role people expect. It
opened my eyes to a lot of stuff. It
doesn’t mean there aren’t gonna be
times when we all want to cut loose
and let our hair down. But I enjoy not
drinking. Next time you see me, you’ll
Kings Of Leon has
become accustomed
to play big stages in
the last 7 years
Probably be saying, well, that didn’t last long."
“Maybe I’m just a drunk.”
As another oppressive Tennessee
summer begins to give way to fall,
Kings of Leon are in the early stages
of turning up their own heat as they
shuffle about the comfortable
confines of their studio, checking
smartphones, twiddling knobs,
listening to rehearsal playbacks.
Dubbed Neon Leon, the studio is a
grey, nondescript building located
next to a construction equipment
business in a semi-sketchy area just
south of downtown Nashville. Surely
by design, passers-by would have no
inkling of what goes on inside these
tastefully decorated walls, where in
the previous months the band
laboured on its own construction project. That job is done: Mechanical Bull.
The stakes are higher than usual, a fact
not lost on brothers Caleb, Nathan and
Jared Followill and their cousin
Matthew Followill. That's particularly
true in the United States, where the
band's 2011 tour, already plagued by
injury and a notorious pigeon-shit
incident, ended badly, to put it mildly.
A ragged July show in Dallas was shut
down when yhe singer left the stage
vowing to vomit, drink a beer and
come back out to play three more
songs. He did not return.
The remaining U.S. dates were
cancelled, and band member tweets
alternated between apologies and
hints of conflicts. The media had a
field day, but the group did honour
remaining commitments for the year
in Canada, South Africa and Australia,
a move reported with less fervour.
Instead, ominous talk of a hiatus
followed, and the future of Kings of
Leon seemed to hang in the balance.
Caleb sighs-but doesn't bristle-when
the topic is broached. "I don't know. I
just had a bad day, I guess," he says
with only a hint of a smile. "We'd been
playing outdoor venues that were 105
degrees. We were exhausted, my
voice was non-existent. I was doing
everything I could to get by."
“…I'm gonna vomit, I'm gonna drink a beer and I'm gonna come back out and play three more songs."
Last time the Kings of Leon started a
major tour, they were arguably the
biggest young rock band in the
world, filling arenas on the strength
of their huge hits "Use Somebody"
and "Sex on Fire," from 2008's
Grammy-winning Only By The Night.
But the follow-up, 2010's Come
around Sundown, sold poorly in
comparison. "I pretty much checked
out for that Record," singer Caleb
Followill says now.
In a new Rolling Stone feature written
by associate editor Patrick Doyle, the
band open up about the rocky past
two years leading to their new album
Mechanical Bull, including a
disastrous Dallas gig in July 2011
when Caleb Followill announced, "I'm
gonna go backstage and I'm gonna
vomit, I'm gonna drink a beer and I'm
gonna come back out and play three
more songs." He never returned; the
band ended its tour early, cancelling
26 dates.
Caleb says he felt blindsided by the
band's comments following the
incident ("Fucking hate Caleb not us,"
bassist Jared Followill said onstage)
"Fucking hate Caleb not us,"
"I was fucking pissed," Caleb says. "I
got on a plane and went to New York
and was like, 'Fuck them,' you know.
And, you know, it hurts. It hurt when I
heard that, because I've always stood
behind them. I stood behind them
when we fucking walked offstage
because of pigeons. I've always been
like a one-for-all, all-for-one type. And
when I heard that, I was like, 'Wow.
Maybe it is time to step back for a
while.'"
The band mates didn't see one
another until days later, when they
met at a Nashville steakhouse. Several
news outlets reported that the band
ordered Caleb to rehab. When asked
if this is true, Jared and Matthew
Followill responded with long silence.
"I can't say no one necessarily thought
that," says Matthew. "If they had,
they knew I would have laughed at
that," Caleb responds. He adds that he
stopped drinking for nine months to
prove to the band he could: "I have
way too strong of a will to ever need
to go somewhere."
The Kings are back on the road
supporting Mechanical Bull, and their
goals have changed since their pop
radio-dominating days. "Back then,
we were trying to do something that
people remember," says Caleb. "Now
I'm trying to do something that makes
my daughter proud. One day,
hopefully I'll still be here, but if I'm
not, she'll be like, 'My dad was
fuckin' cool.'"
For the first time since the group
distinguished itself as a globally
significant rock band capable of
crossing over mega-hits and moving
millions of albums, Kings of Leon got
smacked around a bit. The rock press
had long shown the group love, and
the celebrity weeklies took note when
Caleb began dating (and eventually
married) model Lily Aldridge. Perhaps
the turn of the tide was inevitable. "It
was just our time to step away for a
second," Caleb says. "We had
Oversaturated the market with Kings
of Leon for so long that it was starting
to take a toll on us."
As it turned out, the singer did have
serious vocal issues, according to Ken
Levitan, who manages the band with
Andy Mendelsohn at Vector
Management. "The reality is Caleb
was having real problems with his
throat," Levitan says. "Was he
drinking a bit? Yeah. He was trying to
get through the shows. That's partially
why he was drinking. But [the tour
cancellation] was really a blessing in
disguise, because that's how we
found out about the issues with his
throat. He couldn't talk for two
weeks, and the doctor said, 'You're
not allowed to sing.' That's the story
that didn't get out there."
As it turns out, the band only took a
few months off before hunkering
down on the songs that became
Mechanical Bull. But that work was
out of the public eye. "It amazed me
how, taking even that small of a
break, people were already writing us
off," says drummer Nathan, the
band's eldest member at 35. "I was
getting condolence texts from friends:
'I'm sorry you broke up, man. Keep
your head up, it will all work out.' I
was laughing so hard, because none
of us ever thought it was over."
"You can always tell
when they're going to
unload stuff on you
when they order a nice
bottle of wine at dinner.
It's like, 'Oooo-K, here
we go.'"
The band members didn't help
matters with their own tweets after
the Dallas incident ("I know you guys
aren't stupid. I can't lie. There are
problems in our band Bigger than not
drinking enough Gatorade," Jared
wrote), and it's clear even now there
was tension. "We had a little spat,"
guitarist Matthew says, "but we were
talking a couple days later. We fight.
That's normal." "Brothers fight. You're
going to get that."
Beyond illuminating Caleb's now-resolved throat problem, the Dallas
meltdown, and the way it landed,
served one other purpose: It
"showed us how quickly people can
write you off," Nathan says. And that
"cleared our heads enough to make
us appreciate what we get to do."
Mechanical Bull is the work of a clear-
headed, focused band. Nathan calls it
an "unofficial greatest hits" for the
way it melds the best elements from a
decade of evolution. It's also an
assessment of sorts. "If we hadn't
taken that break, it would have been
a forced album, something that we
just Put out there," Caleb says.
"Because, like I say, we were
exhausted. We were spent."
It was a full decade of relentless
album/tour/album/tour cycles that
took Kings of Leon from youth to
young manhood, as the title of their
first record puts it. But, as adults,
couldn't they say no when the
workload became too heavy? "Things
are done so far in advance," Nathan
says. "I could feel fine right now, and
they've already got shows planned
into the end of next year. So you're
saying 'yes' to all this stuff, but then six
months down the road, when you are
playing Chicago for a second time,
you're like, 'How in the hell does this
happen? We're not machines. They
can't just keep putting this on us. We
didn't sign off on that.' And they will
be like, 'Actually, remember that
meeting we had two-and-a-half years
ago and we mentioned San Francisco?'"
"After the fifth bottle of wine," Caleb interjects. "You can always tell when they're
going to unload stuff on you when they order a nice bottle of wine at dinner. It's
like, 'Oooo-K, here we go.'"
The four Followills are now husbands and some are fathers, and the maturity that
comes with that will likely be a difference-maker this time Around. "In the early
days, it was a pissing contest between bands to see Who could go out and get the
craziest," Caleb says. "Now we're a little more fortunate, we travel a little more
comfortably. When we play a show, most of the time we get on an airplane and go
to whatever town we're hubbing out of, and we're up at 6:30 in the morning with
our kid. So you pick and choose when you're going to let your hair down."
Every month we choose an artist who we think deserve a
chance. This month, keep an eye out for Its Just Me….
Tim Moolman – It’s just me.
Questions:
You have been in the game for a while now, what is the most memorable thing that you have experienced whilst performing?
Being an amateur musician, it’s hard to get a GREAT gig. The most memorable experience
I’ve had was actually when I went to go watch a friend and fellow musician Quaid Lagan in
the beginning of 2013. I didn’t have a gig planned or anything but they called me on stage
( in not the most sober of times ) to play a few songs. The crowd response was incredible
and there was even an encore. Every performance where the crowd interacts with, for lack
of a better word, passion; is a memorable experience
If you were a crayon, what colour would you be?
If I were a crayon I think I would definitely be like a lime shade of green mixed with the fresh green colour of cut grass
Is there a single big influence in your music or do you draw inspiration from a bunch of
different things?
I was never really a vocalist – I could even say I was almost tone deaf.
I get my inspiration from all kinds of music. Its not the style of the song, the key, or the energy in the song. I get my inspiration on how a song makes me feel. Myles Kennedy from Alter Bridge, Anthony Kiedis from Red Hot, Bob Marley, Bob Dylan. There are so many influences. The biggest influence is probably a mixture of Kurt Cobain and Mumford and Sons because of the emotion behind the vocals.
If there was one thing in the music industry in SA that you could change, what would it be?
As much as I love this industry, there are so many flaws. If I could change one specific thing, it would probably be the ease at which a performer/performers could get gigs. It can be incredibly hard to find connections for the right gig – MAKE IT EASIER FOR F*** SAKES!
If you could have dinner with 3 dead celebs, who would they be?
Easiest question so far . Bob Marley, Kurt Cobain and Freddie Mercury.
Dream holiday destination?
Amsterdam.
Name the biggest turning point in your life that made you turn into a musician? Was it a live show, an old dvd or a book etc.
There was never a turning point that made me a musician. Its been a dream of mine. There have been a few turning points that may have made me work harder and strive towards my goal with more passion; but those were some of the life experiences that I have had.
Where do you see yourself in 2 years from now?
2 years from now I see myself, hopefully, jamming at big local music festival and hopefully get some international festivals under my belt as well. Also I hope to be working with big, local/international/ music producers or musicians.
Name 2 festivals you want to play on your bucket list?
Glastonbury. Who wouldn’t want to play there! Locally the festival I would LOVE to perform at is probably Rocking The Daisies.
Just some more info on Tim Moolman and Its Just Me:
I lived in Nigeria for a while growing up and Iran as well. Travelled quite a lot in my adolescence. It gave me a different point of view on life and I think helped me be creatively diverse and willing to compromise to make great music
Basically though, my mom lived in Hermanus since maybe like 10/11 years so far so that’s been my ‘home turf’.
Tim Moolman is odd …. And cool.
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