SidNews Letter from the editor(s)
Welcome back Sidney. Wel-come, welcome back. WE are the new Sid-
News team. We are here to guide you through troubled times and make sure that, week
by week, all the banter, gossip and general informative snip-pets that need to reach YOU,
the student body, are delivered in shining, wittily-crafted and punctual form. So without fur-
ther ado, we are proud to intro-duce our holy journalistic trin-
ity: Jack ―the Father of Spin‖ Snoddy, Harry ―the Son of Misinformation ‖ Michell, and
Danny ―the Ghost of his For-mer Self‖ McEvoy. Sidneyites this week
plunge back into the bubble having enjoyed six weeks off for the Christmas holidays—so
we have provided a special three page bumper edition! Many kicked off the break
with the inexplicably popular Varsity ski trip, orchestrated by Sidneyite and rumoured
geographer Sam Kirsop. Loads of top gossip went down; for
all this and other seamy stories fresh out of the oven consult this edition‘s new-look Sidi-
tious.
Enjoy!
MAN OF THE HOUR This week I caught up with new
SCCSU President and Darts extraordi-naire Liam Agate for a pint (of coke)
at the Maypole, in an underhand at-
tempt to uncover more behind the
mask of Sidney‘s new Totem. The new JCR president has recently
moved into prime Sidney real estate:
the famous G1. However, the move has not left him with the dream prop-
erty he thought it would:
Love the new room, and have accord-ingly decked it out with Sherry and
Port! I must say that the shower lacks
some oomph, and I had leaking prob-
lems the other day. I had to get out my cups and buckets to keep the place
dry. However, I can assure Sidney
undergrads that their well-being is top
of my priority list, well ahead of my own personal comfort.
We know Liam is a natural states-
man, gentleman and scholar, but these aspects belie a complex charac-
ter:
Well, I made the final auditions of
Mastermind for this Easter, my speci-ality being ‗Peep Show‘, I also, since a
traumatic experience I had at a young
age I care not to mention, have a deep-
set fear of Peacocks. I can never put my glasses on when my hair is wet
and I also have a tendency to drop into
a Northern accent at any given time of
the day, entirely against my will. Unsurprising, given that Sidney is
the “Northern College”. Any peculiar
bodily features, like a third nipple perhaps?
Nope.
What’s keeping you on your toes this
term?
The Bar is under review (so best be-haviour everyone!) but, apart from
“One day, all of this will be mine”
that, I will have to wait and see. A SSCSU President of course has a
wide range of responsibilities. How
have things been with the ladies since your inauguration?
Not too bad at all, yes! Well, lady,
rather than ladies. So, yes, exciting times ahead in more ways than one I imagine! (When, pressed, however,
on the issue of the said person’s iden-
tity, our gracious leader declined to comment – but no Sidneyite is outside
Siditious jurisdiction!)
How has life changed for you since
coming into your new role?
Not as much as one might expect; I
do, however, miss the invaluable com-
pany and advice of my old flatmate Tom Lewin, purveyor of cups of tea,
and, (Cue Northern Accent), a great
personal friend.
Well, it has been excellent meeting
you, but this whole process has been
a beautifully elaborate method of
procrastination. However, do you have any final words for the Sidney
community?
―Some people think that Sidney is a college that couldn‘t win a raffle if
they had the only ticket; I‘m out to
change that.‘‘
We wish Liam best of luck this year! J Snoddy
Siditious There’S no way
she’s had her
Fill.
Old-aGe orgy:
Very tedious
Philosophy:
also Very tedious
And your Bird can Sing(er)
Would The owner of thiS pink
(McCus)car, reg 5ER 3NA, please
leave through the back exit?
He'lL ask her nicely and open A
gateway to happiness!
Sid. (Sidnews editors cannot be held responsible for any loss of
reputation experienced as a result of Siditious. You only have
yourselves to blame)
Sidney Sussex 36-3 Christs
Sidney RFC‘s campaign to reclaim the
prized League of Shame title kicked off with a
resounding victory over their local rivals on
Thursday. The Spartan side demolished a gutsy
but technically deficient Christ‘s team under the
leadership of club president Freddie Iron – return-
ing from a 10 month spell of absence due to in-
jury. The majority of the side was delighted about
this, though one or two took an apprehensive deep
breath at the prospect of yet more ―inspiring‖ team
talks from the passionate Land Economist. Iron
marked his return to the Sidney team with a try,
strolling across the line in the second half after
grinding pressure from the Sidney forwards al-
lowed their dynamic back line to move the ball
wide. Blind side flanker Elliot Banks kicked off
the scoring shortly before half time; a first half
spent entirely in the opposition half had yielded no
points for Sidney until the tiring Christ‘s defence
yielded to a period of sustained pressure and
Banks charged over the line. Iron failed to convert.
The 5-0 half time lead settled Sidney‘s
nerves and after the break Banks was joined on the
score sheet by exciting first-year centre Ed Lin-
ford, Blake ―Maori‖ van Velden, former football
club captain Ayodele Fajuyigbe, acting captain
Iron, and most notably the veteran Zedekiah
Akanga, the former Blueprint frontman celebrat-
ing his first try in four years on the wing for Sid-
ney. A consummate team performance had its fair
share of heroes – notably Phil Franklin who per-
formed exceptionally at scrum-half in the absence
of Toby Ankers until midway through the second
half, JCR president Liam Agate whose driving
runs caused the Christ‘s defence no end of prob-
lems, and Sidney RFC debutant and man of the
match Ollie ―Sneaks‖ Young, whose performance
showed him to be the perfect solution to Sidney‘s
chronic problem at full back – and one villain in
the form of hooker Danny McEvoy, who late in
the second half was sin binned for a despicable
(brilliant—ed.)late tackle on the Christ‘s full back.
Nevertheless, the term has started on a high, and
the team looked forward with relish to the rest of
the season.
D R McEvoy
Zed toasts victory
Snod’s Corner
..It came to me one night in Cindies, the air sharp, the moon full, the scent of apple VK strong.. Well, not
exactly. But I thought I’d put something to-gether for the first edi-tion, given I made a big lark about it in the manifesto, and Danny has apparently prom-ised many in Sid we’d
dole out at least a poem or so a week (cheers for that mate!). Harry’s got some...oberservational stuff lined up, perhaps not so flower orien-tated. So yup, here it
is, is.. hope you enjoy!
Lilies pond surface – ripples scuttle astray,
unbound. raindrops crawl towards the earth. Lilies rest flat, chlorophyll-weary.
water-avens sprung still. stoneflies flicked away – glimmer, meteors. air, soundless,
gathers itself
Ginger in the Gym? So here we are at the laboured infancy of 2011; a time to start afresh, remedy the inade-
quacies of 2010 and make numerous New Years ‗resolutions‘ (the word itself now quali-fied with the ironic groan of a Christmas
cracker joke). What joy then, that after a holi-day of pigging out on turkey and watching reruns of chirpy cockneys two-stepping in
various Disney musicals (you know the ones),
„Chirpy two-stepping cockneys‟ this year should coincide with the opening of
our brand-spanking new gym, located in the dark depths of Sussex House. Over the past week I have been confronted by hundreds of
Sidneites strolling through the college in tight fitting novelty t-shirts, beads of perspiration limply lolling upon their upper lips, and the
look of infinite self-satisfaction in their eyes as they return from their third weights session of
the day. Meanwhile the only exercise I have been able to muster is a daily trip to Sains-bury‘s to make the most out of the £1 pizza
slices before the town‘s electricity is cut off forever! But after hearing from yet another converted exercise junkie just how utterly
fabulous it is to get your sweat on everyday and the limitless joys of endorphin cultivation, I decided it was time I started trying to stick to
my New Year‘s resolutions and asked new SSCUSU Gym Officer and full time ‗stud‘ Nicholas Kernick to show me around this new
haven of heavy lifting...new cabin of cardio...new basement of buff...you get what I mean.
The gym has been designed by Nick and the
college to fit the many needs of its students; with a
cardio room con-
sisting of tread-
mills, bikes,
cross- trainers,
rowing m a-
chines (and a
television of
course) and a
weights room packed to the brim with shiny ma-
chines ready to work the biceps, triceps and upsets
of those who dare to enter. After Nick showed me
how some of these machines worked, I quizzed
him on his claims that he could give any Sidney
student, in one month,
„The body and tone of a young Arnie
Schwarzenegger‟
The body and tone of a young Arnie Schwar-
zenegger (prior to his roles in ‗Kindergarten Cop‘
and ‗Governor of California‘). ‗Of course,‘ he
said, ‗to some extent it does depend on the stu-
dent. I mean, yes, if most undergrads here did ex-
actly what I said for a month, I could leave them
with a six pack and pecks of steel, but for some-
one of say...your build...well then I‘d need slightly
longer‘. Cheers Nicky. But regardless of how
good you look, it does seem that an hour in the
gym does indeed cheer you up. As I left Sussex
House with a slight moisture on my brow, inad-
vertently whistling ‗I feel pretty‘ and skipping
down the steps like Fred Astaire, the world
seemed like a slightly happier place – even if it
was only because I could finally take the moral
high ground as Matt Songi sauntered past with
two packs of M&Ms and some white chocolate
cookies. The gym, contrary to what I‘ve thought
for the last ten years of my expanding existence, is
not necessarily a taunting hotspot for mockery and
ridicule but is perhaps...a friend. And at only £30
for two terms, there are definitely worse friends
you could have.
H Michell
Thanks for reading...
If you would like to write, have any gossip or have an event you’d like to advertise, or just wish to rant, complain about or insult any of the content of this edition, feel free to email us
Quote of the Week: Matthew Gebbett:
“I have nothing funny to say”
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