Self-CareSelf-CareHealthy Boundaries and Healthy Healthy Boundaries and Healthy
RelationshipsRelationships
Presented by Bob and Celia Munson, Bukal Life Care & Counseling Center
TerminologyTerminology
Boundary: “Your personal property line”-- who you are, where you end, and others begin.
Confrontation: Set a boundary that works when one is honest and when one establishes a consequence for another's hurtful actions.
Good BoundariesGood Boundaries"You shall not move your neighbor's boundary mark,
which the ancestors have set, in your inheritance which you will inherit in the land that the LORD your God gives you to possess.” -Deut 19:14
-God Given (ex. I Chron. 4:9-10)
-Protects you AND others
-Is not just walls, but also gates
-Welcomes and keeps the good
-Keeps out the bad
-Are not selfish
Boundaries are not selfish?Boundaries are not selfish?
Is it okay to set boundaries with family? Is it okay to set boundaries with my
church? Is it okay to set boundaries with my work
or ministry? Is it okay to set boundaries with my friends
/ barkada? Is it okay to set boundaries with God?
God is the one who created you God is the one who created you with limitations of strength, with limitations of strength,
health, energy, and time. God also health, energy, and time. God also has given us a limited role in His has given us a limited role in His
KingdomKingdom
Situations Where We Need to Set Situations Where We Need to Set BoundariesBoundaries
Dealing with a difficult person in a relationship (abuser, manipulator, controller, irresponsible)
Figuring out when to say “No” so as not to overextend oneself
Working out better patterns of intimacy and relatedness in a good relationship
Taking a stand for one's values in a relationship Preventing someone from taking over one's
time, energy, or resources--- more than one wants to give. (moving your boundary marker)
When might one need to confront When might one need to confront to maintain a boundary?to maintain a boundary?
To Preserve love Prov. 27:6 To Resolve alienation (bring disconnected
people together) To Empower, build each other up (I Thess
5:11) To Solve problems (No pain no gain,
applies. Unresolved problems become worse)
Self-Care is more than simply Self-Care is more than simply having healthy boundarieshaving healthy boundaries
God created us with the need for healthy relationships
God created us to have heathy growth God created us to be “integrated beings”
– Not hypocrites– Not “whited sepulchres”– Not double-minded
Healthy (integrated) RelationshipsHealthy (integrated) Relationships
Healthy relationships with Others (Social health)
Healthy relationship with Self (Mental and Emotional health)
Healthy relationships with our Environment (Physical Bodies and Nature)
Healthy relationship with God (Spiritual Health)
Healthy (Integrated) GrowthHealthy (Integrated) Growth
“And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men.” -Luke 2:52
Wisdom MENTAL GROWTH
Stature PHYSICAL GROWTH
Favor with God SPIRITUAL GROWTH
Favor with Man SOCIAL GROWTH
Questions:Questions:
Is it correct that the church should only concern itself with spiritual health and spiritual growth?
What happens if a church is full of people with bad relationships with others and where people overstep each other's boundaries?
If people are unhealthy and not-growing in other areas, will that affect spiritual growth and health?
Integrated BeingIntegrated Being
-Thinking (our “head”)
-Feeling/Valuing (our “heart”)
-Doing (our “hands”)
Integrated LearningIntegrated Learning
Integration and Shema (Deut. 6:4-9)
Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.
Integrated Goals
Feelings: Love the Lord God with all your heart,
Thinking: With all of your soul/mind,
Doing: And with all of your strength/might
Integrated Training
Auditory/Hearing: “Hear, O Israel”, Talk about them.
Visual/Seeing: Visual symbols, Write them down.
Kinesthetic/Doing: Impress them, tie them, bind them, when sitting/walking
Integrated Changes
Feeling: Feel and Express Love
Thinking: Memorize God's word/commands
Doing: Obey God's commands
And.... pass these onto the next generation.
Integrated health and growth has a goal
Self-care is a balance of integrated health, growth, and boundaries
So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, -Philippians 2:1-5
<Look at this passage for thoughts on Right Thinking, Right Feeling, Right Actions, and Right Boundaries>
More Info
Consider Reading “Boundaries” by Cloud and Townsend.
Also look up materials regardingregarding Healthy Growth, such as those developed by CHE, from Lifewind International. www.medicalambassadors.org
Some areas in this presentation are further developed in other materials from Bukal Life Care. www.bukallife.org
Self-CareSelf-CareHealthy Boundaries and Healthy Healthy Boundaries and Healthy
RelationshipsRelationships
Presented by Bob and Celia Munson, Bukal Life Care & Counseling Center
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