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100:00:01,600 --> 00:00:04,000Do you know what this is all about?Know why we're here?
200:00:05,400 --> 00:00:06,400
To be out. This is out.
300:00:06,500 --> 00:00:10,500Out is one of the single mostenjoyable experiences of life.
400:00:10,600 --> 00:00:12,600Know how people talk about"We should go out"?
500:00:12,700 --> 00:00:14,600This is what they're talking about.
600:00:14,800 --> 00:00:16,400This whole thing. We're all out now.
700:00:16,600 --> 00:00:17,800No one is home.
8
00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:20,400Not one person here is home.We're all out.
900:00:20,600 --> 00:00:23,600There are people trying to find us.They don't know where we are.
1000:00:24,000 --> 00:00:26,000"Did you re...? I can't find him.
Where did he go?
1100:00:26,200 --> 00:00:29,400He didn't tell me where he was going.He must have gone out."
1200:00:30,200 --> 00:00:33,100You wanna go out. You get ready,you pick out the clothes, right?
13
00:00:33,300 --> 00:00:35,000You take the shower, get all ready...
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1400:00:35,200 --> 00:00:38,600...get the cash, get your friends,the car, the spot, the reservation.
1500:00:38,800 --> 00:00:40,400
Then you stand around.What do you do?
1600:00:40,500 --> 00:00:42,500You go, "We gotta be getting back."
1700:00:43,300 --> 00:00:45,700Once you're out,you wanna get back.
1800:00:45,900 --> 00:00:48,800You wanna go to sleep, you wannaget up, wanna go out again tomorrow.
1900:00:49,000 --> 00:00:50,200Wherever you are in life...
2000:00:50,400 --> 00:00:52,200...it's my feeling, you've gotta go.
2100:00:59,200 --> 00:01:01,500See, to me, that button'sin the worst possible spot.
2200:01:01,700 --> 00:01:04,600The second button literallymakes or breaks the shirt.
2300:01:04,800 --> 00:01:06,400Look at it. It's too high.
2400:01:06,600 --> 00:01:09,300It's in no man's land. You look likeyou live with your mother.
2500:01:09,400 --> 00:01:10,800Are you through?
2600:01:10,900 --> 00:01:12,700
You do, of course,try on when you buy.
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2700:01:12,800 --> 00:01:14,600Yes, it was purple. I liked it.
2800:01:14,700 --> 00:01:16,800I don't actually recall
considering the buttons.
2900:01:17,000 --> 00:01:18,600Oh, you don't recall.
3000:01:19,200 --> 00:01:21,500No, not at this time.
3100:01:21,600 --> 00:01:24,200
Senator, I'd like to know whatyou knew and when you knew it.
3200:01:24,400 --> 00:01:26,800Mr. Seinfeld, Mr. Costanza.
3300:01:27,000 --> 00:01:28,200Are you sure this is decaf?
3400:01:28,400 --> 00:01:29,800
Where's the orange indicator?
3500:01:29,900 --> 00:01:32,600It's missing.I have to do it in my head.
3600:01:32,800 --> 00:01:34,800Decaf left, regular right.
3700:01:35,000 --> 00:01:37,400Decaf left, regular right.
3800:01:37,500 --> 00:01:39,300It's very challenging work.
3900:01:41,800 --> 00:01:43,600Can you relax? It's a cup of coffee.
4000:01:43,700 --> 00:01:46,000
- Claire's a professional waitress.- Trust me, George.
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4100:01:46,200 --> 00:01:48,500No one has any interestin seeing you on caffeine.
4200:01:51,200 --> 00:01:53,300
How come you're not doingthe second show tomorrow?
4300:01:53,500 --> 00:01:55,800Well, there's this womanwho might be coming in.
4400:01:56,800 --> 00:01:58,100Wait a second. Wait a second.
4500:01:58,200 --> 00:01:59,900What coming in?What woman's coming in?
4600:02:00,000 --> 00:02:02,400I told you about Laura,the girl I met in Michigan.
4700:02:02,600 --> 00:02:04,600- You didn't.
- I thought I told you about her.
4800:02:04,800 --> 00:02:06,400Yeah. She teaches political science...
4900:02:06,600 --> 00:02:09,100...I met her the night I didthe show in Lansing.
5000:02:09,600 --> 00:02:11,500- There's no milk in here.- Wait.
5100:02:11,700 --> 00:02:13,600What is she...What is she like?
5200:02:13,800 --> 00:02:16,600Oh, she's really great.She's got a real warmth about her.
5300:02:16,800 --> 00:02:19,400
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And she's really brightand really pretty.
5400:02:19,600 --> 00:02:22,200And the conversation,though, I mean, it was...
5500:02:22,400 --> 00:02:24,300Talking with her was liketalking with you...
5600:02:24,400 --> 00:02:26,400...but, you know,obviously much better.
57
00:02:27,300 --> 00:02:29,200So, you know, what happened?
5800:02:29,400 --> 00:02:31,500Well, nothing happened.But it was great.
5900:02:31,600 --> 00:02:33,600Nothing happened, but it was...This is great.
6000:02:33,800 --> 00:02:35,000- Yeah.- So, you know...
6100:02:35,200 --> 00:02:37,100...she called and saidshe wants to go out?
6200:02:37,300 --> 00:02:39,800God bless. You devil, you.
6300:02:40,000 --> 00:02:41,600Yeah. Well, not exactly.
6400:02:42,200 --> 00:02:44,500I mean, she said...She called this morning and said...
6500:02:44,600 --> 00:02:47,200
...she had to come in for a seminar,maybe we'd get together.
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6600:02:49,400 --> 00:02:50,400"Had to"?
6700:02:50,600 --> 00:02:52,400- "Had to come in"?
- Yeah, but...
6800:02:52,500 --> 00:02:53,900- "Had to come in"?- Yeah, but...
6900:02:54,000 --> 00:02:55,300"And maybe we'll get together"?
70
00:02:55,500 --> 00:02:56,900"Had to" and "maybe"?
7100:02:57,100 --> 00:02:59,100- Yeah.- No, no.
7200:02:59,200 --> 00:03:01,400I hate to tell you this.You're not gonna see her.
7300:03:01,600 --> 00:03:03,700What? Are you serious?Why did she call?
7400:03:03,800 --> 00:03:06,000What do I know?Maybe she wanted to be polite.
7500:03:06,200 --> 00:03:07,900To be polite?
7600:03:08,400 --> 00:03:10,000- You are insane.- All right.
7700:03:10,100 --> 00:03:12,400I didn't want to tell you.Wanna know why she called?
78
00:03:12,500 --> 00:03:14,200You're a backup.
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7900:03:14,300 --> 00:03:17,300You're a second line,a "just in case"...
8000:03:17,500 --> 00:03:20,600
...a B plan, a contingency.
8100:03:20,800 --> 00:03:22,700Oh, I get it. This is about the button.
8200:03:23,700 --> 00:03:26,100Claire. Claire, you're a woman, right?
8300:03:26,300 --> 00:03:28,400
What gave it away, George?
8400:03:28,500 --> 00:03:30,000I'd like to ask you...
8500:03:30,200 --> 00:03:33,000Ask you to analyze a hypotheticalphone call, you know...
8600:03:33,100 --> 00:03:35,100
...from a female point of view.- Oh, come on.
8700:03:35,200 --> 00:03:37,700What are you asking her?Now, how's she gonna know?
8800:03:38,300 --> 00:03:40,500Now, a woman calls me, right?
8900:03:40,600 --> 00:03:43,100She says she has to...
9000:03:43,700 --> 00:03:46,000...come to New York on business...- You're beautiful.
9100:03:46,100 --> 00:03:47,600And maybe...
9200:03:47,800 --> 00:03:49,300...she'll see me when she gets in.
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9300:03:49,400 --> 00:03:51,500Does this woman intendto spend time with me?
94
00:03:51,900 --> 00:03:53,900I'd have to say no.
9500:03:57,600 --> 00:03:59,000So why did she call?
9600:03:59,200 --> 00:04:01,000- Be polite.- To be polite.
9700:04:01,100 --> 00:04:03,400- I rest my case.- Good, good. Did you have fun?
9800:04:03,600 --> 00:04:06,000You have no idea what you'retalking about. Come with me.
9900:04:06,200 --> 00:04:08,000I gotta go get my stuff
out of the dryer.
10000:04:08,100 --> 00:04:11,500- I'm not gonna watch you do laundry.- Oh, come on. Be a "come-with" guy.
10100:04:11,600 --> 00:04:12,900Come on. I'm tired.
10200:04:13,100 --> 00:04:15,500Don't worry.I gave him a little caffeine.
10300:04:15,600 --> 00:04:18,800- He'll perk up.- Right. I knew I felt something.
10400:04:22,800 --> 00:04:25,700Jerry, I have to tell you something.
10500:04:27,200 --> 00:04:30,200This is the dullest moment
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I've ever experienced.
10600:04:34,500 --> 00:04:36,400Oh, look at this guy.
107
00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:39,400Look, he's got everything.He's got detergents, sprays...
10800:04:39,500 --> 00:04:43,000...fabric softener.This is not his first load.
10900:04:44,400 --> 00:04:46,700I need a break, Jerry.
I gotta get out of the city.
11000:04:46,900 --> 00:04:50,100- I feel so cramped...- You didn't hear how she sounded.
11100:04:50,300 --> 00:04:52,000- What?- Laura.
112
00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:55,500I can't believe...We already discussed this.
11300:04:55,700 --> 00:04:57,200Yeah, but how could yoube so sure?
11400:04:57,300 --> 00:05:01,200Because it's signals, Jerry.It's signals. Don't you...?
11500:05:03,300 --> 00:05:06,700All right. Did she even ask you whatyou were doing tomorrow night...
11600:05:06,800 --> 00:05:08,200...if you were busy?- No.
117
00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:11,200She calls you today,she doesn't make a plan for tomorrow?
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11800:05:11,400 --> 00:05:13,200- What is that? It's Saturday night.- Yeah.
119
00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:15,700What is that? It's ridiculous.
12000:05:15,900 --> 00:05:17,900You don't even knowwhat hotel she's staying at.
12100:05:18,100 --> 00:05:20,400You can't call her.That's a signal, Jerry.
12200:05:20,600 --> 00:05:22,800That's a signal. Signal.
12300:05:25,600 --> 00:05:27,300- Maybe you're right.- Maybe I'm right?
12400:05:27,400 --> 00:05:29,200Of course I'm right.
12500:05:30,300 --> 00:05:31,500This is insane.
12600:05:31,600 --> 00:05:33,800You know, I don't even knowwhere she's staying.
12700:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,200She's not gonna call me.
12800:05:35,400 --> 00:05:38,400- This is unbelievable.- I know, I know. It's tough.
12900:05:39,000 --> 00:05:41,000Listen, your stuffhas to be done by now.
130
00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:42,700Why don't you just see if it's dry.
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13100:05:42,800 --> 00:05:45,700No, no, no.Don't interrupt the cycle.
13200:05:45,900 --> 00:05:49,100
The machine is working. It knowswhat it's doing. Just let it finish.
13300:05:49,300 --> 00:05:52,100- You're gonna overdry it.- You can't overdry.
13400:05:52,300 --> 00:05:54,600- Why not?- Same reason you can't overwet.
13500:05:55,400 --> 00:05:57,800You see, once somethingis wet, it's wet.
13600:05:58,700 --> 00:06:00,000Same thing with death.
13700:06:00,100 --> 00:06:02,300Like, once you die,
you're dead. Right?
13800:06:02,500 --> 00:06:04,700Let's say you drop deadand I shoot you.
13900:06:04,900 --> 00:06:07,200You're not gonna die again.You're already dead.
14000:06:07,400 --> 00:06:10,000You can't "overdie," you can't overdry.
14100:06:12,600 --> 00:06:14,400Any questions?
14200:06:18,500 --> 00:06:21,200How could she not tell mewhere she was staying?
14300:06:26,100 --> 00:06:29,100Look at that. They're done.
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Look at that.
14400:06:30,600 --> 00:06:33,800Laundry day is the onlyexciting day...
14500:06:33,900 --> 00:06:35,300...in the life of clothes.
14600:06:35,500 --> 00:06:37,800It is. No, think about it.The washing machine...
14700:06:38,000 --> 00:06:40,500...is the nightclub of clothes.
14800:06:40,700 --> 00:06:42,800You know, it's dark,there's bubbles happening...
14900:06:42,900 --> 00:06:45,100...they're all kind ofdancing around in there.
15000:06:45,300 --> 00:06:48,200
A shirt grabs the underwear."Come on, babe. Let's go."
15100:06:49,200 --> 00:06:51,600You come by, open up the lidand they all...
15200:06:54,200 --> 00:06:56,600Socks are the mostamazing article of clothing.
15300:06:56,800 --> 00:06:58,900They hate their lives.They're with stinky feet...
15400:06:59,100 --> 00:07:00,700...the boring drawers.
15500:07:01,000 --> 00:07:04,100The dryer is their only chance
to escape and they all know it.
156
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00:07:05,100 --> 00:07:07,600They do escape from the dryer.They plan it in the hamper...
15700:07:07,800 --> 00:07:10,600...the night before.
"Tomorrow, the dryer, I'm going.
15800:07:12,400 --> 00:07:14,200You wait here."
15900:07:14,400 --> 00:07:18,400The dryer door swings open, the sockis waiting up against the side wall.
160
00:07:21,100 --> 00:07:24,000He hopes you don't see him,then he goes down the road.
16100:07:25,100 --> 00:07:28,200They get buttons sewn on their face,join a puppet show.
16200:07:29,800 --> 00:07:31,500So they're showing meon television...
16300:07:31,600 --> 00:07:34,200...the detergentsgetting out bloodstains.
16400:07:34,900 --> 00:07:38,000Is this a violent image to anybody?Bloodstains?
16500:07:38,200 --> 00:07:40,800Come on. You got a T-shirtwith bloodstains all over it...
16600:07:40,900 --> 00:07:44,000...maybe laundry isn't yourbiggest problem right now.
16700:07:45,900 --> 00:07:49,200Maybe you ought to get the harpoonout of your chest first.
16800:08:11,700 --> 00:08:15,300
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If you know what happened in the Metgame, don't tell me. I taped it. Hello.
16900:08:16,300 --> 00:08:18,800Yeah. No, I'm sorry.You have the wrong number.
17000:08:19,600 --> 00:08:21,200Yeah. No...
17100:08:22,000 --> 00:08:23,300- Yeah.- You up?
17200:08:23,400 --> 00:08:24,700
Yeah.
17300:08:25,200 --> 00:08:26,700People do move.
17400:08:26,900 --> 00:08:29,900Have you ever seen the big trucksout on the street?
17500:08:30,300 --> 00:08:31,500
Yeah, no problem.
17600:08:31,700 --> 00:08:36,000- Boy, the Mets blew it tonight, huh?- Oh, what are you doing?
17700:08:36,200 --> 00:08:39,000Kessler, it's a tape.I taped the game.
17800:08:39,200 --> 00:08:41,400It's 1:00 in the morning.
17900:08:41,500 --> 00:08:44,900I avoided human contactall night to watch this.
18000:08:45,100 --> 00:08:48,200Hey, I'm sorry.You know, I thought you knew.
18100:08:50,200 --> 00:08:52,000
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You got any meat?
18200:08:52,900 --> 00:08:54,600Meat?
183
00:08:55,800 --> 00:08:58,400I don't know. Go hunt.
18400:09:04,200 --> 00:09:06,600Well, what happened in the game,anyway?
18500:09:07,000 --> 00:09:08,200What happened?
18600:09:08,400 --> 00:09:10,300Well, they stunk!That's what happened.
18700:09:15,400 --> 00:09:17,900You know I almost wound upgoing to that game?
18800:09:18,100 --> 00:09:21,600You almost went to the game. You
haven't left the building in 10 years.
18900:09:22,100 --> 00:09:23,600Yeah.
19000:09:57,200 --> 00:09:59,200- You done with this?- No.
19100:10:10,200 --> 00:10:12,100- When you're done, let me know.- Yeah, yeah.
19200:10:12,300 --> 00:10:14,200You can have it tomorrow.
19300:10:15,100 --> 00:10:18,000I thought I wasn't allowedto be in here this weekend.
19400:10:18,800 --> 00:10:21,500No, it's okay now.
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That girl's not coming.
19500:10:21,700 --> 00:10:23,600I misread the whole thing.
196
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:26,700You want me to talk to her?
19700:10:29,900 --> 00:10:31,600I don't think so.
19800:10:31,800 --> 00:10:34,400No, I can be very persuasive.
199
00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:37,400You know that I wasalmost a lawyer?
20000:10:37,900 --> 00:10:39,600That close, huh?
20100:10:39,700 --> 00:10:41,700You better believe it.
202
00:10:45,500 --> 00:10:46,700Hello.
20300:10:46,900 --> 00:10:48,200Oh, hi, Laura.
20400:10:48,400 --> 00:10:51,200- Oh, give me it. Let me talk.- No. What's up?
20500:10:51,400 --> 00:10:54,300- Well, let me talk to her.- I'm always up at this hour.
20600:10:54,400 --> 00:10:56,800How are you? Great.
20700:10:57,900 --> 00:10:59,300Sure.
20800:10:59,400 --> 00:11:01,400What time does the plane get in?
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20900:11:01,600 --> 00:11:04,500- I'll get my friend George to take me.- Now slide!
210
00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:07,100Out. Do you believe that?
21100:11:07,300 --> 00:11:09,200It's just my neighbor.
21200:11:10,900 --> 00:11:12,400Yeah, I got it. 10: 15.
213
00:11:12,900 --> 00:11:15,100No, don't be silly.Go ahead and ask.
21400:11:16,300 --> 00:11:18,200Yeah, sure.
21500:11:19,200 --> 00:11:22,300Okay, great. No, no.It's no trouble at all.
21600:11:22,400 --> 00:11:24,200I'll see you tomorrow.
21700:11:24,700 --> 00:11:26,300Great. Bye.
21800:11:26,400 --> 00:11:28,300I don't believe it.
21900:11:28,500 --> 00:11:31,500That was her.She wants to stay here.
22000:11:42,100 --> 00:11:44,100If my father moved this,he'd have a cigarette...
22100:11:44,300 --> 00:11:46,700...in his mouth the whole way.
"Have you got your end?
222
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00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:49,400Your end's got to come down first.Easy, now. Drop it down.
22300:11:49,600 --> 00:11:51,800Drop it down.
Your end's gotta come down."
22400:11:52,000 --> 00:11:54,500You know, I can't believe you'rebringing in an extra bed...
22500:11:54,700 --> 00:11:56,600...for a woman that wantsto sleep with you.
22600:11:56,700 --> 00:11:59,000Why don't you bring inan extra guy too.
22700:12:00,600 --> 00:12:02,200Look, it's a very awkward situation.
22800:12:02,400 --> 00:12:04,300- I don't wanna be presumptuous.- All right.
22900:12:04,400 --> 00:12:06,100One more time. One more time.
23000:12:06,300 --> 00:12:10,000What was the exact phrasingof the request?
23100:12:10,600 --> 00:12:13,400All right. She said she couldn'tfind a decent hotel room.
23200:12:13,600 --> 00:12:16,000- A decent hotel room.- Yeah, a decent hotel room.
23300:12:16,200 --> 00:12:18,900Would it be terribly inconvenientif she stayed at my place?
23400:12:19,800 --> 00:12:21,400You can't be serious.
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23500:12:21,600 --> 00:12:26,000This is New York City. There mustbe 11 million decent hotel rooms.
236
00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:28,000What do you need, a flag?
23700:12:28,200 --> 00:12:29,700This is the signal, Jerry.
23800:12:29,900 --> 00:12:32,900- This is the signal.- This is the signal.
23900:12:33,100 --> 00:12:35,200Thank you, Mr. Signal.Where were you yesterday?
24000:12:35,300 --> 00:12:37,200I think I was affectedby the caffeine.
24100:12:38,700 --> 00:12:41,000Good dog. Good dog. All right.
24200:12:41,800 --> 00:12:43,600Hey, he really likes you, George.
24300:12:43,800 --> 00:12:45,500Well, that's flattering.
24400:12:47,500 --> 00:12:49,300He's getting a drink of water.
24500:12:53,200 --> 00:12:56,000- Is this for that girl?- Yeah.
24600:12:56,100 --> 00:12:59,400- Why even give her an option?- This is a person I like.
24700:12:59,500 --> 00:13:01,800
It's not how to scoreon spring break.
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24800:13:02,000 --> 00:13:04,500Can we go? I'm double-parked.I'm gonna get a ticket.
24900:13:04,600 --> 00:13:07,600
Yeah, okay. Wait a second.I forgot to clean the bathroom.
25000:13:07,800 --> 00:13:09,000So what? That's good.
25100:13:09,200 --> 00:13:12,000- How could that be good?- Because filth is good.
25200:13:12,100 --> 00:13:14,600What do you think, rock starshave sponges and ammonia...
25300:13:14,700 --> 00:13:16,000...lying around the bathroom?
25400:13:16,100 --> 00:13:18,600You think they have a womancoming over, "I gotta tidy up"?
25500:13:18,800 --> 00:13:21,100In these matters, you never dowhat instincts tell you.
25600:13:21,300 --> 00:13:23,000Always, always do the opposite.
25700:13:23,100 --> 00:13:25,200- This is how you operate?- Yeah, I wish.
25800:13:26,000 --> 00:13:30,400- Let me just wipe the sink.- Why even give her an option for?
25900:13:31,400 --> 00:13:33,400- It's unbelievable.- Yeah.
26000:13:37,000 --> 00:13:39,600How's the real estate business?
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26100:13:41,500 --> 00:13:44,500It's not bad. It's coming along.
26200:13:45,700 --> 00:13:47,800
Why, did you need something?
26300:13:48,300 --> 00:13:50,300You handle any of that commercial...
26400:13:50,800 --> 00:13:52,500...real estate that...?
26500:13:54,200 --> 00:13:56,000
Well, I might be getting into that.
26600:13:56,100 --> 00:13:59,800- You keep me posted.- I'm aware of you. All right, let's go.
26700:14:00,000 --> 00:14:02,300Let's go. You're on-stagein 25 minutes.
268
00:14:04,100 --> 00:14:07,100The dating world is not a fun world.
26900:14:08,600 --> 00:14:09,800It's a pressure world.
27000:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,400It's a world of tension,it's a world of pain.
27100:14:12,600 --> 00:14:15,500If a woman comes over to my house,I gotta get that bathroom ready...
27200:14:15,700 --> 00:14:17,900...because she needs things.I don't know what.
27300:14:18,100 --> 00:14:20,200I know I don't have it, I know that.
27400:14:20,400 --> 00:14:22,600
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You know what they need?Women need cotton balls.
27500:14:22,800 --> 00:14:26,100This is one... Always been one ofthe most amazing things to me.
27600:14:26,300 --> 00:14:28,500I have no cotton balls.We're all human beings.
27700:14:28,600 --> 00:14:31,000What is the story?I've never had one...
278
00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:33,300...I never bought one,I never needed one.
27900:14:33,500 --> 00:14:35,900I've never been in a situationwhere I thought to myself:
28000:14:36,100 --> 00:14:37,900"I could use a cotton ball right now.
28100:14:38,800 --> 00:14:41,600I could certainlyget out of this mess."
28200:14:41,800 --> 00:14:44,100Women need them.And they don't need one or two.
28300:14:44,800 --> 00:14:46,700They need thousands of them.They need bags.
28400:14:46,800 --> 00:14:49,900They're like peat moss bags.Have you ever seen these giant bags?
28500:14:50,000 --> 00:14:51,300They're huge...
286
00:14:51,500 --> 00:14:54,600...and two days later, they're out.They're gone. The bag is empty.
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28700:14:54,700 --> 00:14:57,500Where are the cotton balls, ladies?What are you doing with them?
288
00:14:57,700 --> 00:15:00,400The only time I ever see themis in the bottom of wastebaskets.
28900:15:00,500 --> 00:15:04,200Two or three look like they've beenthrough some horrible experience.
29000:15:05,600 --> 00:15:08,600Tortured, interrogated,
I don't know what happened to them.
29100:15:08,800 --> 00:15:12,400I once went out with a girl, she lefta little bag of cotton balls at my house.
29200:15:12,600 --> 00:15:16,100I didn't know what to do. I put themon the floor like little tumbleweeds.
293
00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:18,200I thought cockroacheswould see it...
29400:15:18,300 --> 00:15:20,400...figure, "This is a dead town.Let's move on."
29500:15:21,400 --> 00:15:23,100The dating worldis a world of pressure.
29600:15:23,300 --> 00:15:27,200Let's face it, a date is a job interviewthat lasts all night.
29700:15:27,300 --> 00:15:29,600The difference betweena date and job interview is...
298
00:15:29,700 --> 00:15:33,400...not many interviews is there achance you'll end up naked at the end.
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29900:15:33,900 --> 00:15:36,700You know, " Bill, the boss thinksyou're the man for the position...
300
00:15:36,900 --> 00:15:39,800...strip down and meet the peopleyou'll be working with."
30100:15:43,700 --> 00:15:47,100Wouldn't it be great if you could aska woman what she's thinking?
30200:15:47,300 --> 00:15:50,600What a world it would be if you could
just ask a woman what she's thinking.
30300:15:50,700 --> 00:15:53,700You know, instead I'm like a detective.I gotta pick up clues.
30400:15:53,900 --> 00:15:55,900The whole thing'sa murder investigation.
305
00:15:56,300 --> 00:15:59,200Listen, don't get worked up.You're gonna know the whole story...
30600:15:59,300 --> 00:16:01,200...the minute she steps off.- Really, how?
30700:16:01,400 --> 00:16:03,000It's all in the greeting. All right.
30800:16:03,200 --> 00:16:06,000If she puts the bags down beforeshe greets you, that's a good sign.
30900:16:06,200 --> 00:16:08,800- Anything in the lip area is good.- Lip area.
31000:16:09,000 --> 00:16:11,400
- A hug, definitely good.- Hug is definitely good.
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31100:16:11,600 --> 00:16:14,000What if it's one of those hugswhere the shoulders touch...
31200:16:14,200 --> 00:16:16,200
...the hips are eight feet apart?- Brutal.
31300:16:16,400 --> 00:16:19,000- You know how they do that?- Also, a shake is bad.
31400:16:19,100 --> 00:16:21,100Shake is bad. But what ifit's the two-hander?
31500:16:21,300 --> 00:16:23,800Hand on bottom, hand on top.The warm look in the eyes.
31600:16:23,900 --> 00:16:25,100- Hand sandwich?- Right.
31700:16:25,200 --> 00:16:28,000
It's open to interpretation.So much depends on the layering...
31800:16:28,100 --> 00:16:29,900...the quality of the wetnessin the eyes...
31900:16:30,000 --> 00:16:32,700- Guess who.- Hey, hey. He...
32000:16:32,800 --> 00:16:35,700- Hey, hey.- Hey, hey.
32100:16:39,100 --> 00:16:40,900- It's good to see you.- Hi.
32200:16:41,400 --> 00:16:43,400
- This is my friend George.- Oh, hi.
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32300:16:43,600 --> 00:16:44,800- How are you?- This is Laura.
32400:16:45,000 --> 00:16:48,000
- Sure, Laura, sure.- I can't believe you're here.
32500:16:51,400 --> 00:16:53,500- Get the bags.- Yeah, sure, the bags.
32600:16:53,600 --> 00:16:55,300- Here, Laura. I'm sorry.- Oh, thank you.
32700:16:55,500 --> 00:16:57,800That was an interesting greeting.Notice that, George?
32800:16:57,900 --> 00:16:59,800Yes, the surprise blindfold greeting.
32900:17:00,000 --> 00:17:01,800That wasn't in the manual.
33000:17:03,600 --> 00:17:05,400So...
33100:17:05,600 --> 00:17:07,000...what do you think?
33200:17:09,400 --> 00:17:10,800This place isn't so bad.
33300:17:10,900 --> 00:17:13,900Yeah, it kind of motivates meto work on the road.
33400:17:15,200 --> 00:17:17,400So make yourself at home.
33500:17:34,400 --> 00:17:37,200So can I get you anything?
33600:17:37,400 --> 00:17:39,000
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Bread, water...
33700:17:39,600 --> 00:17:41,400...salad dressing?
338
00:17:41,900 --> 00:17:44,400Actually, do you have any wine?
33900:17:45,700 --> 00:17:47,800Yeah, I think I do.
34000:17:51,300 --> 00:17:53,000Do you mind if I turn this down?
341
00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:56,700No. Yeah, go...Go right ahead. Yeah.
34200:18:00,400 --> 00:18:02,400Jerry, I was wondering...
34300:18:02,500 --> 00:18:04,900...would it be possible,and if it's not, fine...
34400:18:05,100 --> 00:18:07,400...for me to stay heretomorrow night too?
34500:18:09,200 --> 00:18:11,800Yeah. Yeah, sure.Yeah, why don't you stay.
34600:18:12,000 --> 00:18:13,400Yeah.
34700:18:14,700 --> 00:18:17,000What is your schedulefor tomorrow?
34800:18:17,200 --> 00:18:18,400Are you doing anything?
34900:18:18,600 --> 00:18:19,800
No, I'd love to do something.
350
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00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:22,500I have my seminar in the morning,but after I'm wide open.
35100:18:22,700 --> 00:18:24,300Really? What would you like to do?
35200:18:24,400 --> 00:18:25,800Well...
35300:18:26,000 --> 00:18:29,000...I know this sounds touristy,but I'd love to go on one of those...
35400:18:29,200 --> 00:18:31,600
...five-hour boat ridesaround Manhattan.
35500:18:32,200 --> 00:18:34,400Yeah, we could do that.
35600:18:35,400 --> 00:18:37,800Why not? Why not?
35700:18:38,700 --> 00:18:40,700
I'm just... I'm really glad you're here.
35800:18:44,900 --> 00:18:46,400Hello.
35900:18:47,400 --> 00:18:48,800Yes.
36000:18:48,900 --> 00:18:51,200Yes, she is. Hold on.
36100:18:51,300 --> 00:18:53,200It's for you.
36200:18:54,800 --> 00:18:56,400Hello?
36300:18:56,500 --> 00:18:57,700Hi.
36400:18:57,900 --> 00:19:00,800
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No, no. It was great, right on time.
36500:19:00,900 --> 00:19:03,300No, I'm gonna stay here tomorrow.
366
00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:05,200Yes. Yes, it's fine.
36700:19:05,800 --> 00:19:08,100No, we're going on a boat ride.
36800:19:09,900 --> 00:19:11,700Don't be silly.
369
00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:15,100I'm not gonna havethis conversation.
37000:19:15,300 --> 00:19:17,000Look, I'll call you tomorrow.
37100:19:17,100 --> 00:19:18,800Okay. Bye.
372
00:19:19,900 --> 00:19:21,300Never get engaged.
37300:19:24,100 --> 00:19:25,300You're engaged?
37400:19:25,800 --> 00:19:28,900You know, you really have no ideawhat it's like until you do it.
37500:19:29,100 --> 00:19:31,200I'm on this emotional roller coaster.
37600:19:31,400 --> 00:19:32,700You're engaged?
37700:19:32,800 --> 00:19:35,400You know, I can't believe itmyself sometimes.
37800:19:35,500 --> 00:19:38,000You have to start thinking
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in terms of "we."
37900:19:38,100 --> 00:19:40,800- It's a very stressful situation.- You're engaged.
38000:19:41,000 --> 00:19:43,400- Yeah, he's a great guy.- Yeah.
38100:19:43,600 --> 00:19:45,500You'd really like him.
38200:19:45,600 --> 00:19:48,800- I can't wait to get on that boat.
- Me too.
38300:19:50,600 --> 00:19:53,200I swear, I have absolutely no ideawhat women are thinking.
38400:19:53,400 --> 00:19:57,100I don't get it, okay?I admit, I'm not getting the signals.
385
00:19:57,300 --> 00:19:58,800I am not getting it.
38600:19:59,000 --> 00:20:03,000Women, they're so subtle. Their little...Everything they do is subtle.
38700:20:04,100 --> 00:20:07,000Men are not subtle. We are obvious.
38800:20:07,200 --> 00:20:09,400Women know what men want,men know what men want.
38900:20:09,600 --> 00:20:12,800What do we want?We want women. That's it.
39000:20:15,300 --> 00:20:18,100It's the only thing we know for sure.
It really is.
391
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00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:19,800We want women.How do we get them?
39200:20:19,900 --> 00:20:21,600We don't know about that.
We don't know.
39300:20:21,700 --> 00:20:23,800The next step after that,we have no idea.
39400:20:23,900 --> 00:20:27,600This is why you see men honking carhorns, yelling from construction sites.
39500:20:27,800 --> 00:20:30,200These are the best ideaswe've had so far.
39600:20:33,200 --> 00:20:35,800The car horn honk.Is that the beauty?
39700:20:35,900 --> 00:20:38,100Have you seen men doing this?
39800:20:38,200 --> 00:20:40,200What is this? The man is in the car.
39900:20:40,400 --> 00:20:42,300The woman walks bythe front of the car.
40000:20:42,500 --> 00:20:43,800He honks the...
40100:20:45,800 --> 00:20:48,600This man is out of ideas.
40200:20:49,500 --> 00:20:51,000How does the...?
40300:20:54,300 --> 00:20:56,400I don't think she likes me.
40400:20:58,100 --> 00:21:00,400
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The amazing thing is that we stillget women, don't we?
40500:21:00,600 --> 00:21:02,200I mean, men are with women.
40600:21:02,400 --> 00:21:03,900You see men with women.
40700:21:04,100 --> 00:21:07,000How are men getting women?Many people wonder.
40800:21:07,100 --> 00:21:09,400Let me tell you a little bit
about our organization.
40900:21:11,300 --> 00:21:15,000Wherever women are, we have a manworking on the situation right now.
41000:21:15,600 --> 00:21:18,400Now, he may not be our best man...
41100:21:19,900 --> 00:21:21,700
...okay, we have a lot of areasto cover...
41200:21:21,900 --> 00:21:25,600...but someone from our staffis on the scene.
41300:21:25,800 --> 00:21:27,200That's why men get frustrated...
41400:21:27,400 --> 00:21:29,200...when we see womenreading articles...
41500:21:29,400 --> 00:21:31,700...like "Where to Meet Men."
41600:21:32,300 --> 00:21:34,700We're here. We are everywhere.
41700:21:35,100 --> 00:21:37,700We're honking our horns
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41800:22:06,200 --> 00:22:08,200Subtitles bySDI Media Group
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