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From lemons to lemonade : squeeze every last drop of success out of your mistakes / DeanA. Shepherd.
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Acknowledgments . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . xiiiAbout the Author . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . xv
Chapter 1 Managing Emotions to Learn from Failure . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3Learning from Failure Is Difficult but Rewarding . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9
Chapter 2 Strategies to Learn More from YourFailures . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13Why We Feel Bad over Project Failure . . . . . 15Why Some Projects Are More Important Than Others . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15
Some Projects Make Us Feel MoreCompetent . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19Some Projects Makes Us Feel More inControl . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 22Some Projects Make Us Feel Like We Belong . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24
Strategize to Learn from Failure. . . . . . . . . . 25An Emotion-Management Strategy of“Working Through the Loss” . . . . . . . . . 28An Emotion-Management Strategy ofRestoration . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 32The Optimal Strategy: Oscillation . . . . . . 38
Conclusion . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 42Endnotes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 44
Chapter 3 When to “Pull the Plug” to MaximizePersonal Growth . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 49Are We Biased When We Delay Failure? . . . 56Are We Procrastinators? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 61
CONTENTS
x
Anticipatory Processing to Personally Grow from the Failure Experience . . . . . . . . 63Emotionally Preparing for Failure . . . . . . . . 69Balancing the Financial and Emotional Costs of Failure . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 72What Is Your Balance? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 74Practical Implications . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 77Conclusion . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 78Endnotes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 79
Chapter 4 Self-Compassion to Learn from Failure . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 83Two Project Team Leaders with Self-Compassion . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 91Self-Compassion and Failure . . . . . . . . . . . . 93
Self-Kindness and Failure . . . . . . . . . . . . 99Common Humanity and Failure . . . . . . 103Mindfulness and Failure . . . . . . . . . . . . 108
Practical Implications. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 112Conclusion . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 113Endnotes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 114
Chapter 5 Emotional Intelligence, Support, andLearning from Failure . . . . . . . . . . . . . 119Are You Emotionally Intelligent? . . . . . . . . 122Growing from the Failure Experience. . . . . 127
Two Project Team Leaders with Different Emotional Intelligence . . . . . . 127
Emotions and Scanning for Information . . 127Emotion and the Interpretation of Information . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 131Emotions and Learning . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 134Help from Others and Building Emotional Intelligence . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 136Practical Implications . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 145Conclusion . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 146Endnotes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 147
Chapter 6 Preparing for Multiple Failures . . . . . . 151Commitment and Performance . . . . . . . . . 152Managing Failure by Normalizing It . . . . . 157
Learning from Small Wins . . . . . . . . . . 157Learning from Intelligent Failure . . . . . . 159
Challenges of Normalizing Failure . . . . . . . 163Regulating Emotion to Cope with Failure. . 166Your Ability to Cope . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 167Use Support Groups and Other Social Support . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 172Use Rituals . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 174Comparing “Normalizing” and “Regulating” Failure. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 179Practical Implications . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 180Conclusion. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 181Endnotes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 182
Chapter 7 Reflections on “Learning from Failure” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 187Strategies for Managing Emotions to Learn from Failure . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 188When to “Pull the Plug” on a Failing Project to Maximize Personal Growth . . . . 190Emotions, Social Support, and Learning from Failure. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 192Self-Compassion to Learn from Failure . . . 194Preparing for Learning from Multiple Failures . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 196Concluding Remarks: Reflections and Advice to My Daughter . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 197Endnotes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 199
Index . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 201
xi
The inspiration for writing this book are my fatherand mother, who experienced a great loss when ourfamily business failed. They showed great courage,honor, and determination to “pull themselves up bythe boot laces.”These attributes are reflected in mybrother, Brent, and sister, Kerrie, and I wanted toacknowledge them as part of the book’s underlyingstory. My wife, Suzie, and my children, Jack andMeg, are a source of personal learning. They feel noreluctance in pointing out my failures. I also appre-ciate the contributions from my good mates,Professors Johan Wiklund, Mike Haynie, MelissaCardon, Jeff Covin, and Don Kuratko, who havebeen instrumental in helping develop my ideas on
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
xiii
❂
this topic, which has led to the publication of a num-ber of research articles. Finally, I would like to thankJennifer Simon and Steve Kobrin for their vision andoptimism with this project, and Russ Hall andAmanda Moran for their invaluable help.
From Lemons to Lemonade
xiv
Dean Shepherd is the Randall L. Tobias Chair inEntrepreneurial Leadership and Professor ofEntrepreneurship at the Kelley School of Business,Indiana University. Professor Shepherd received hisdoctorate and MBA from Bond University(Australia) and a bachelor of applied science fromthe Royal Melbourne Institute of Technology. Hisresearch is in the field of entrepreneurial leadership.He investigates the decision making involved inleveraging cognitive and other resources to act onentrepreneurial opportunities. He also investigatesthe processes of learning from experimentation andfailure, in ways that ultimately lead to high levels ofindividual and organizational performance.Professor Shepherd’s research has been published in
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
xv
❂
the top management and entrepreneurship journals.He has also authored or edited eight research bookson entrepreneurship and strategy. His coauthoredentrepreneurship textbook (with Hisrich andPeters) is in its seventh edition. He is an associateeditor for the Journal of Business Venturing. He alsois on the review board for numerous journals and isa panelist for the National Science Foundation(Innovation and Organization Science).
From Lemons to Lemonade
xvi
1
“THERE ARE NO SECRETS TO SUCCESS.IT IS THE RESULT OF PREPARATION, HARD
WORK, AND LEARNING FROM FAILURE.”—COLIN POWELL
“EVEN HIS GRIEFS ARE A JOY LONG
AFTER TO ONE THAT REMEMBERS ALL
THAT HE WROUGHT AND ENDURED.”—HOMER
I once had a painfulexperience from which Ilearned a great deal, andit motivated me to sharewith you the insight Igained. If you are a nor-mal person, you will haveobstacles, setbacks, andoutright failures. Forsome people these stinglike the dickens; for others they lead to total col-lapse. Part of what I want to help you with is howto be better prepared not only to expect to deal withsome failure, but to be better able to deal with itwhen it comes, and to actually derive some goodfrom it. But this is not as easy as just saying it, as Iwas to find out myself.
CHAPTER 1
MANAGING EMOTIONS TO LEARN
FROM FAILURE
3
❂
If you are a normal
person, you will
have obstacles,
setbacks, and out-
right failures.
I had always taught my management studentsnot to be discouraged by failure, that we learn morefrom our failures than our successes. I had even saidthat failure is often the fire that tempers the steel ofone’s learning and street savvy. Then I got theopportunity to test the wisdom of those wordsmyself when I received a phone call from my fatherabout twelve years ago. He told me that the familybusiness that he had created twenty-odd years agowas in trouble. When I found out how much trou-ble, I told him he needed to notify creditors andclose the business immediately. The business wasclosed, and due to director’s guarantees to creditors,he lost his personal wealth.
My father exhibited a number of worrying emo-tions. There were numbness and disbelief that thisbusiness he created and managed for all those yearswas gone. There was some anger toward the econ-omy, competitors, and creditors. Stronger emotionsthan anger were guilt and self-blame. He felt guiltythat he had caused the failure of the business; guiltythat the business could no longer be passed on tomy brother; and guilty that not only had he failed asa businessman, but felt that he had failed as a father.This caused him great distress and anxiety. He feltthe situation was hopeless, and he became with-drawn and at times depressed. His emotional statecaused the rest of the family great distress andanxiety.
Because the business was an important part ofmy father, he found it difficult to separate himselffrom its failure. The business failure was not an
From Lemons to Lemonade
4
event divorced from his personal identity. It was adeeply emotional event. Yet over time he was ableto recover, and eventually he personally grew as aresult of the experience. The failure event hadprovided a trigger to a regenerative and growthprocess. However, not all people recover and per-sonally grow from failure.
Whether from thinkingabout my father, or aboutthe ability of those who failto grow from the experience,I realized that I could notaccept the implicit assump-tion that learning from failureis automatic and instanta-neous. Learning from failure is not instantaneous; itrequires time. It is not automatic; it requires aprocess that can be managed such that learningfrom failure can be maximized. Failure is an eventthat can touch us deeply and, in doing so, it presentssome challenges. If these challenges can be over-come, failure presents the opportunity to personallygrow from the experience.
By recognizing that failure can trigger a negativeemotional reaction, we realize that learning fromfailure requires time. It also requires a process ofdealing with the emotions generated by failure tolearn from the experience. That process, oncelearned, can become one of your strengths insteadof a weakness. It can be a very positive force in yourlife.
❂
Managing Emotions to Learn from Failure
5
Learning from
failure is not
instantaneous;
it requires time.
This can work one way or the other for you. Itdepends on how well you absorb the lesson. Takethe comparative stories of Judy and Andrew. Judyhad long dreamed of becoming a partner at a presti-gious advertising agency. She had taken her firststeps toward achieving this dream. She had recent-ly completed her MBA (focusing on marketing) andhad accepted a job at her preferred agency in NewYork City. The agency had an “up or out,” “churn”human resources policy. That is, the agency hiredmany “juniors” and set high standards so that onlythe best and brightest would survive and be pro-moted. Judy needed to land six new major accountsin her first three years.
After weeks of cold calling, she finally securedher first meeting with a potential client. Judy hadthree weeks to prepare her marketing plan and pitchfor the company’s new, revolutionary product. Judypoured her heart and soul into the marketing planand perfecting her pitch. She drew on her experi-ences with developing and delivering marketingplans as part of her MBA and her internships overthe past two summers, and she diligently followedthe “textbook” approach. However, her pitch was afailure, and she lost the account. The executives ofthe target company told her that her presentationreflected a lack of knowledge of their product andtheir company; that the theme across the marketingmix was, at best, ambiguous; and that it did notarticulate the unique selling proposition. Judy’s bosswas particularly displeased, because his biggest rivalpicked up the account.
From Lemons to Lemonade
6
Judy was shattered. That pitch had representedher best effort. It had been a part of her life 24 hoursa day, seven days a week, for three weeks. She feltembarrassed and depressed. As she again recalledthe executives’ comments, she was angry that theyhad missed the major points of her presentation andwas disappointed in her boss for being persuaded bysuch uncreative “business types.”
A few weeks later, Judy’s friend Andrew alsohad a pitch rejected. He also felt bad, even thoughhe knew that across his firm only one in five pitcheslanded an account.
Weeks after the pitch failure, Judy reviewed thecomments offered by the executives and her boss.When she received her next chance, she madechanges to avoid the sort of confusion she had cre-ated last time. She followed her boss’s recommen-dations to focus the presentation and plan on onlythree key, distinctive points and to leave ample timefor questions and answers at the end to address anyunresolved issues. She now had a better idea ofhow to highlight the distinctive attributes of thepotential client’s product and to position it withinthe company’s reputation in the marketplace, rela-tive to its other products, and relative to competi-tors’ products. She landed the client. She continuedto improve from her mistakes, and by the end of herfirst year she had landed three additional accounts.
In contrast, Judy’s friend Andrew blamed hisrejection on the potential client’s incompetence, andhe disregarded that company’s comments and thosefrom his boss. He used the same approach (that had
Managing Emotions to Learn from Failure
7
been so successful in school and unsuccessful in the“real world”) with the next client. It failed again, andhe lost the account. He repeatedly ignored com-ments about why his pitch was rejected. Andrewbecame even more frustrated and depressed. Hecame to believe that his dream of being an ad exec-utive outmatched his ability to succeed at thiscareer. He quit and went back to work in the fami-ly firm.
Judy and Andrew both had a negative emotion-al reaction to their projects being rejected. But Judywas able to manage that reaction and learn, andthus, increase her likelihood of success with subse-quent pitches. Andrew did not learn. He made thesame mistakes and continued to fail. Andrew knewthe old saying that we can learn more from our fail-ures than our successes, but he was unable to do so.
As you can see, project failure can lead to oneof three possible outcomes:
■ The emotional pain is so great for the personexperiencing failure that he gives up anddoes not try again.
■ The person responsible for the failure blamesothers and not himself and throws himselfinto the next project. He has not learned thereasons for the project’s failure and is des-tined to make the same mistakes repeatedly.
■ The person manages the emotions generat-ed by the project failure so that they are lesspainful, occur for a shorter period, and nolonger keep her from learning from thatfailure.
From Lemons to Lemonade
8
In this book, I focus on providing strategies andtechniques to help you avoid the first two outcomesin order to achieve the third.
❂
Learning from Failure Is Difficultbut RewardingOur projects typically are important to us, and wefeel bad when they fail. Although these emotionscan provide some learning benefits, in that they stim-ulate search processes, learning, and adaptation,they have been found to severely interfere with per-formance on tasks. In laboratory experiments, nega-tive emotions have been found to interfere with anindividual’s allocation of attention in processing infor-mation. Such interference diminishes our ability tolearn from the failure event.
For example, the negative emotional aspects ofan event receive higher priority in processing infor-mation than positive or neutral emotional aspects.The emotional interference means that we prema-turely terminate in working memory the facts thatpreceded the emotional event. But these facts arethe basis for learning why the project failed. Forexample, in focusing on the emotional events lead-ing up to the failure, our mind keeps shifting to theday the project was terminated. We dwell on theannouncement to employees, buyers, suppliers,neighbors; how bad everyone felt; the moment of
Managing Emotions to Learn from Failure
9
handing over the office keys to the liquidator andleaving the parking lot for the last time.
By focusing on these highly salient, emotionalevents, we do not allocate attention to informationthat would serve as important feedback for learning.
Insufficient attention (andsubsequently, diminishedinformation processingcapacity) is paid to theactions and inactions thatcaused the deteriorationin performance and ulti-mately the project’s fail-ure. We all have limitedattention and informationprocessing capacity, andthey are undercut by our
emotional reactions. We enhance our learning whenwe manage our emotions and recover from ouremotional pain more quickly. That is, we can man-age our emotions to more quickly eliminate thissource of interference in the learning process.
We not only learn from failure the causesbehind this specific event, but we learn and developsomething special about ourselves. We also can per-sonally grow from the experience.
From Lemons to Lemonade
10
We enhance our
learning when we
manage our emo-
tions and recover
from our emotional
pain more quickly.
11
“SUCCESS IS A LOUSY TEACHER. ITSEDUCES SMART PEOPLE INTO THINKING
THEY CAN’T LOSE.”—BILL GATES
“MOURNING IS NOT FORGETTING….IT IS AN UNDOING. EVERY MINUTE TIE
HAS TO BE UNTIED AND SOMETHING
PERMANENT AND VALUABLE RECOVERED
AND ASSIMILATED FROM THE DUST. THE
END IS GAIN, OF COURSE. BLESSED ARE
THEY THAT MOURN, FOR THEY SHALL BE
MADE STRONG, IN FACT. BUT THE
PROCESS IS LIKE ALL OTHER HUMAN
BIRTHS, PAINFUL AND LONG AND
DANGEROUS.”—MARGERY ALLINGHAM, THE TIGER
IN THE SMOKE, 1956
201
INDEX
Aanticipation of failure
emotions, 49Schwartz, Jeff, 50-53
anticipatory processing,63-69, 190-191
implications of, 77-78Wilen, Ron, 67
attachment to projects, 154
attribution bias, 87autonomy, why some
projects are important,22-25
Bbalancing costs of failure,
financial and emotional,72-75
Bambridge, Joe, 36-37belonging, why some
projects are important,24-25
biasattribution bias, 87reasons for delaying
failure, 56-61
blame, 85self-esteem, 86
Buck, Pearl, 165
Cchallenges of normalizing
failure, 163-166cognitive strategies, 194commitment, 152-153, 157common humanity,
103-108compassion, self-compas-
sion, 92-94, 194-195common humanity,
103-108failure and, 93-97mindfulness, 108-111self-kindness, 99-103
competence, why someprojects are important,19-22
comprehension, 121control, why some
projects are important,22-23
Cook, Scott, 177coping, 167
implications of, 180-181
coping ability, 168-171rituals, 174-179self-help groups,
172-174costs of failure, balancing
financial and emotionalcosts, 72-75
creativity, 152
Ddecisions, justifying by
delaying failure, 57delaying
failure, 54-55balancing emotional
and financial costs,74-76
bias, 56-61implications of, 77-78procrastination,
61-63project failure, 52
desensitization, 161, 165DHL Express, 84Dolphin Away, 91, 128downward comparison,
86-87, 92
Eego-protecting strategies
common humanity, 103-108
downwardcomparison, 92
From Lemons to Lemonade
202
implications of, 112-113mindfulness, 108-111self-compassion, 92-97self-kindness, 99-103
ego-protective strategies, 88-91
attribution bias, 87downward comparison,
86-87EMC, 144
emotionalintelligence, 141
firewalk activity, 141-144
emotion-managementstrategies, 121, 129, 134
loss orientation, 129oscillation strategy, 131restoration
orientation, 129emotional capability, 193emotional costs of failure,
balancing with financialcosts, 72-75
emotional intelligence, 122-126, 192-193
comparing two projectteam leaders, 127
help from others, 136-145
implications of, 145-146emotionally preparing for
failure, 69-72emotions, 4, 14
anticipation of failure, 49
Schwartz, Jeff, 50-53interpretation of
information, 131loss orientation, 132oscillation
strategy, 134restoration
orientation, 132learning and, 134-135negative emotions, 9regulating to cope with
failure, 166scanning for informa-
tion, 127-130loss orientation, 129oscillation
strategy, 131restoration
orientation, 129EMS, emotional
intelligence, 140Energizer, 155escalation of
commitment, 56
Ffailing projects, “pulling the
plug,” 190-192failure, 4-5
common humanity and,103-108
Index
203
delaying, 54-55balancing emotional
and financial costs,74-76
because of bias, 56-61because of procrasti-
nation, 61-63implications of, 77-78project failure, 52
groups, 136intelligent failure,
159-160learning from, 5-10
Goetz, Charlie, 25-26
multiple failures, 152learning from,
196-197normalizing failure.
See normalizing failure
normalizing, 196challenges of, 163-166intelligent failure, 159-
163versus regulating,
179-180small wins, 157-159
preparing for emotionally, 69-72
“pulling the plug” onfailing projects, Goetz,Charlie, 54-55
regulating, 197
self-compassion and,93-97
self-kindness and, 99-103
strategies for learningfrom, 25-27
oscillation, 38-42restoration, 32-37“working through the
loss,” 28-32why we feel bad over
project failure, 15feedback
negative feedback, 22positive feedback, 19teams, 21
financial costs of failure,balancing with emotionalcosts, 72-75
fire walk activity, 141-144forewarning of failure,
anticipatory processing,63-69, 190-191
implications of, 77-78Wilen, Ron, 67
funeral rituals, 174
GGoetz, Charlie, 25-26
“pulling the plug” onfailing projects, 54-55
groups, failure, 136
From Lemons to Lemonade
204
HHarrison, Nicky, 84help from others, emotion-
al intelligence, 136-145Hogan, Holly, 155
Iimportance of projects,
15-19competence, 19-22control/autonomy,
22-23relatedness, 24-25
Insight DevelopmentGroup, 140
intelligent failure, 159-163interpretation, 121
emotions, 131loss orientation, 132oscillation
strategy, 134restoration
orientation, 132Intuit, rituals, 177-178
JJackson, Don, 29justifying decisions,
delaying failure, 57
KKilmer, James, 174
Llearning, 119, 121
emotions and, 134-135from multiple failures,
196-197from small wins,
157-158learning from failure, 5-10
Goetz, Charlie, 25-26Lewis, Bill, 33loss orientation,
emotions, 188interpreting
information, 132scanning for
information, 129
MMagnacca, Mark, 140managing emotion
strategies, 188loss-oriented
strategy, 188oscillation strategy, 189restoration-oriented
strategy, 188memories, “working
through the loss,” 31mindfulness, 108-111mourning, 13
Index
205
multiple failureslearning from, 196-197normalizing failure,
158, 196challenges of, 163-166intelligent failure, 159,
161, 163versus regulating
failure, 179-180small wins, 157-159
Nnegative emotions, 9negative feedback, 22normalizing failure, 196
challenges of, 163-166intelligent failure,
159-163versus regulating
failure, 179-180small wins, 157-159
Ooscillation strategy 28
interpreting information,emotions, 134
managing emotions, 189scanning for informa-
tion, emotions, 131strategies for learning
from failure, 38-42
P-QPage, Larry, 161Parker, Jim, 160parting ceremonies, 175passion, 156-157Pool Be Clean, 91positive feedback, 19preparing for failure,
emotionally 69-72procrastination, reasons for
delaying failure, 61-63project failure, delaying 52projects
defined, 15failing projects, “pulling
the plug,” 190-192importance of, 15-19
competence, 19-22control/autonomy, 22-
23relatedness, 24-25
terminal projects, 52why we feel bad over
project failure, 15“pulling the plug” on failing
projects, 49, 190-192Goetz, Charlie, 54-55
Rrecognition, 177regulating emotions to
cope with failure, 166regulating failure, 197
implications of, 180-181
From Lemons to Lemonade
206
versus normalizing fail-ure, 179-180
relatedness, why someprojects are important,24-25
Remarkable Moments, 51restoration, strategies for
learning from failure, 27,32-37
restoration orientation,emotions
interpreting information, 132
scanning for information, 129
restoration-oriented strategy, managing emotions, 188
risk, reasons for delayingfailure, 60
rituals, 174-179
SSandberg, Sheryl, 161scanning, 120-121
emotions, 127-130loss orientation, 129oscillation strategy,
131restoration
orientation, 129Schwartz, Jeff, 50-53self-compassion, 92,
194-195
common humanity, 103-108
failure and, 93-97mindfulness, 108-111self-kindness, 99-103
self-esteem, 84blame, 86
self-help groups, 172-174self-kindness, failure and,
99-103short-term coping
techniques, 191Skiing Scooter, 152-153small wins, 157-159social interaction, 137social support, 172-174strategies for learning from
failure, 25-27oscillation, 38-42restoration, 32-37“working through the
loss,” 28-32strategies for managing
emotions, 188loss-oriented
strategy, 188oscillation strategy, 189restoration-oriented
strategy, 188success, 14sunk costs, 58support, emotional intelli-
gence, 136-145support groups, 172-174
Index
207
surveysAre You More Mindful
or Overidentified?, 97Are You More Self-Kind
or More Self-Judgmental?, 95
Do You Feel Part ofCommon Humanityor Isolated?, 96
importance of projects, 18
Measure YourEmotional Intelligence,123
T-U-Vteams, feedback, 21terminal projects, 52ToyCo, 162
W-XWilen, Ron, 67wins, learning from small
wins, 157-158“working through the
loss,” strategies for learn-ing from failure, 28-32
Y-ZYu, Albert, 154
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