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Joy Anne C. Nicodemus, MD
Department of Family and Community Medicine
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People with high self esteem behave
confidently
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L ow self esteem stops all efforts to be
confident
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�Relationships
�Work
� Parenting
� Life skills (decisionmaking, achieving,improving situations orcircumstances you don·tlike)
� Expressing yourself
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�Taking up new challenges
� Being open to change
� Self improvement
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� From within yourself
� From others
� From your achievements
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Defend yourself. Your self esteem depends on it.
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Starting out with low
self-confidence
Less effort on taking
new challenges or
new things
Low self confidence
can sabotage your efforts in trying
something
Likelihood to succeed
becomes less
Lack of
accomplishment and
failures
Reinforcement of low
self confidence
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Self-confidence
More likely to
attempt just about
anything
Try and attempt more
things
Likelihood to succeed is
much more!
Incredible boost
in self-
confidence Attaining full
potential!
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�Neurologically
� You are carving a path of least resistance through
your brain!
� With enough reinforcement, you develop a reflexto certain kinds of stimuli
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Negative Reflex Positive Reflex
� Example: smokertries to quit smokingand fails� Negative snowball takes
effect
� Negativism to the ideaof quitting
� If anyone suggestsquitting n the future
the brain automaticallyrejects possibility
� ´Trying to quitµ =´Failureµ
� People who are eager
to try anything
� Undeterred when they
fail, if ever they do fail� Positive reflex allows
their thoughts to learn
from their mistakes
� ´Failureµ = ´I·ll do even
better next time!µ
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� Self imposed programming
� If we fail to do something perfectly the first time
we try it we begin to believe that we cannot do
it
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�Negative programming from others
� ´You can·t do thisµ
� ´You·ll never be able to do thatµ
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What are the thingsthat you have been led
to believe you cannotattain but that you
know intellectually areentirely possible?
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Positive Affirmations
Guided Visualization
Mental Imagery
Goal-OrientedMeditation
Breathing Techniques
SubliminalProgramming
Whole-Brain
Learning
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� Positive Affirmations
� Carefully-worded statements that you repeat to
yourself
� Designed to establish new thinking patterns inyour mind
� When you think you can do it then you can do it!
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�Things to keep in mind
1. Repeat the statements to yourself (out loud
or silently)
2. When you repeat an affirmation, FEEL it,BELIEVE it, and KNOW it!
3. Allow yourself to experience the feelings of
joy, satisfaction, power and self-confidence
as you do each affirmation
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³I choose to be self-confident«´
³I breath as a positive person«´
³I am intelligent«´
³My body language projects self-
confidence«´
³I reject negativity at all levels of
consciousness «´
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� Look for a model and learn from them
� What is it they do that makes them confident?
� How do they act?
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� Focus on your achievements
� Even if you failed
Try to work out what you did right
Focus on how you could succeed next time
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�Act as if you were confident
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� Prepare thoroughly for any task so that you can
be sure you are ready
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�Work on any skills you need to do what you
want
� You can never be over trained or over skilled for
any challenge in life
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� Learn relaxation skills
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�Always smile
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� Set reachable goals for yourself
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�Reward yourself when you succeed
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� Feel good when you want
� Find three things that make you feel good
Memories of good times
A piece of music A holiday souvenir
A person·s face
� Use photos if it helps
� Practice thinking about them and bringing them
to mind
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� Beat self consciousness
� Learn how to keep your attention off yourself
Choose something ´everydayµ you can see and study it
in detail
y Example: examine a door, look at the different
textures and shades of color, and wonder about who
made it and how
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� Beat self consciousness
� Learn how to keep your attention off yourself
Self consciousness in social situations maybe you
don·t have enough to do!
y Focus on what your purpose in the situation is
y Are you there to«
Find out it you like the other people in the situation
Make others feel comfortable
Find out some information
Make business contacts
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�Don·t take undue criticism ² Even from
yourself!
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�Confident-looking people have bad moments
too
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� Just because you feel under-confident,
doesn·t mean other people can tell
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� If you are saying things to yourself like,
´You·re no good at anythingµ you are
WRONG
�Don·t let yourself make sweeping statementsabout yourself
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Building self-esteem is not just
about thinking good of yourself,it·s about not thinking bad for no
reason!
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� Just because you have felt bad about yourself in
the past does not mean you·re always going to
feel that way
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´H ow can I become more able to resist the pressure and
dominance of excessively dominant people?µ
´H ow can I stand up to bullies (or one bully in
particular)?µ
´H ow can I exert a little more control in situations that are important to me?µ
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�Dominance for the sake of being dominant
�Not a natural behavior for most people
�Assertive behavior of highly dominant people
� Driven by their personality (and often insecurity)
� Not something that has been ´trainedµ
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Leadership with
dominance � Goodleadership
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� Inclusive, developmental and a force for
what is right
�Does not ´dominateµ non-assertive people
it includes them and involves them
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� Excessively dominant people
�Very insecure people deep-down
�Are too insecure to allow other people to
have responsibility and influence
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� Behavior is effectively reinforced by the
response by ´secureµ and ´non-assertiveµ
people to bullying
� Bullying dominant behavior is rewarded, and so itpersists
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�Do not normally actually aspire to being
excessively dominant people
� ´I·d like to be more able to resist the
pressure and dominance of excessivelydominant people.µ
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�Know the facts and have them to hand
� If you know and can produce facts to support or
defend your position it is unlikely that the
aggressor will have anything prepared in
response
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�Anticipate other people·s behavior and
prepare your responses
� Role play in your mind how things are likely to
happen� Prepare your responses according to the different
scenarios that you think could unfold
� Prepare other people to support and defend you
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� Prepare and use good open-ended questions
� To expose flaws in other people·s argument
� Reliable way of gaining the initiative, and taking
the wind out of someone·s sails, in any situation
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´W hat is your evidence (for what you have said or claimed)?µ
´W ho have you consulted about this?µ
´H ow did you go about looking for alternative solutions?µ
´H ow have you measured (whatever you say is a problem)?µ
´H ow will you measure the true effectiveness of your solution if
you implement it?µ
´W hat can you say about different solutions that have worked in
other situations?µ
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� Stick to your guns
� If the question is avoided or ignored
� Return to it
� Re-phrase it
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�Re-condition and practice your own reactions
to aggression
� Build your own ´triggered reactionsµ
� Give yourself ´thinking timeµ to prevent yourselfbeing bulldozed
� ´Making a brick wallµ in the face of someone
else·s attempt to dominate you without
justification
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´H old on a minute ² I need to consider what you have just
said.µ
´ I·m not sure about that. It·s too important to make a
snap decision right now«µ
´ I can·t agree to that at such short notice. Tell me when
you really need to know, and I·ll get back to you«µ
Suggested Responses to
Aggression
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� Practice with your most scary friend shouting
right in your face for you to ´do as you are
toldµ
� Time after time, and in between each time saycalmly (and believe it·s true) ´You don·t frighten
me.µ
� Practice it until you can control your response to
being shouted at
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�Have faith that your own abilities and style
will ultimately work if you let them
� Find out what your strengths and style are and
use them to defend and support your position
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Process
Detail
Dependability
Reliability
Finishing things
Checking
Monitoring
Communicating
Interpreting &
understanding
Working with others
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� Feel sympathy for bullies ² they actually
need it
� Aggressors are often grown from children who
were not loved, or from children who wereforced to live out the aspirations of parents
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