Concision Adapted from the Carnegie Mellon Writing Tutorhttp://telstar.ote.cmu.edu/writingtutor/concisi

on.html

What? Longer isn’t better?

0Readers may be less likely to read longer texts0 Think of how often you count the pages of assigned

readings…0Wordy writing can be confusing

0Concision0 Say only what you need to say0 Doesn’t necessarily equal short sentences

Step 1. Delete Unnecessary Words

0Words that aren’t needed can 0 hide your intended message and purpose0 make you sound arrogant

0 turn your readers off

0Empty Words 0Redundant Words0 Inflated Expressions

Empty Words

0Words that add little or nothing to the writing0 Clutter sentences

Example:0Twain is basically arguing that human morality is actually

corrupt.Vs.

0Twain is arguing that human morality is corrupt.

Really Kind of Actually Certain

Virtually Practically Particularly Basically

Redundant Words

0Words that have the same meaning used as a group

Examples0There are three separate flaws that lead to humanity’s

corruption: greed, cruelty, and hypocrisy.

Vs. 0There are three flaws that lead to humanity’s corruption:

greed, cruelty, and hypocrisy.

Mathematical Equation

Rough in texture

Binding restrictions

Small in size Personal feeling

Inflated Expressions0 Using a lot of words to communicate something that could be

said more simply

Concerning the matter of, regarding the issue of, in reference to

about

The reason for, in light of, due to the fact that because, since, why

It is crucial that, it is necessary must, should

In the event that, if the situation arises, on the occasion

if

Is in the position to, has the ability to, is able to, has the capacity to

can

Prior to, subsequent to, simultaneously as before, during, while

Despite the fact that, notwithstanding the fact that, regardless of

although, even, though

There is a possibility that, it is probable that, there is a chance of

may, might, could

Reducing Inflated Expressions

0Ask yourself, “Can I say this in fewer words?”

Examples0 In the event that a slave hunter would find Jim, Huck

planned to claim that he was Jim’s master. Vs.

0 If a slave hunter would find Jim, Huck planned to claim that he was Jim’s master.

Practice

0 Select the phrase that would make the sentence more concise without changing its meaning.

They decided to continue with research despite the fact that there were serious budget constraints.A. although there wereB. notwithstanding theC. despiteD. in the face of

Now, read your excerpt for wordiness. Eliminate unnecessary or redundant words and simplify inflated expressions.

Step 2. Avoid Passive Voice

0Passive Voice – The subject of the sentence is not the doer of the action

Example0Passive: The argument about hypocrisy was suggested

by Fitzgerald in The Great Gatsby. 0Active: Fitzgerald suggested the argument about

hypocrisy in The Great Gatsby.

Practice – Passive Voice

0Rephrase the following sentences to change from passive to active voice.

1. The surgeon was assisted by two nurses.2. The mine disaster was caused by an earthquake.3. The chemistry lab was taught by a TA.

Now, edit your excerpt for passive voice. Change to active voice to eliminate wordiness.

Step 3. Change Negatives to Positives

Example0Negative: The two samples were not the same as the

others.0Positive: The two samples were different than the

others.

Again, negatives tend to be wordier.

Practice - Negatives

0Rephrase the sentences in the affirmative.1. Do not continue the treatment if the patient has

serious side effects. 2. The food safety board failed to accept about 2% of

the shipments. 3. The two theories are not the same in several

important aspects. Now, edit your excerpt for negatives. Change to positive

phrasing to eliminate wordiness.

Be Careful…

0 When working on concision, be sure to avoid0 Trimming too much

0 Leaving out important details – Consider your audience!0 Changing the meaning of the sentences

0 ExampleThe team of chemists conducted a study that linked the presence of smog with an increase in deaths from heart disease.

Vs.The team of chemists proved that smog increases the number of deaths from heart disease.

0 Check revisions against the original to be sure that the meaning if in tact.

Other Considerations

0 Combine sentences 0 Watch your modifiers

0 Very, basically, practically, definitely, generally, specific, individual

0 Avoid unnecessary that, who, and which clauses0 The report, which was released recently The recent report0 All applicants who are interested in the job All applicants0 The system that is most efficient and accurate The most

efficient and accurate system0 Avoid overusing “it is” or “there are” phrases at the

beginnings of sentences