COLLEGE
ENGLISH
COMM1007
By Christopher Simpson
V8 Juice and
Canadian unity
By Christopher Simpson
Anglophone Canadians
trembled recently
when Lucien Bouchard
revealed a
secret American plan
to annex
Western Canada in the
wake of Quebec
separation. And while
the Bloc Quebecois
Leader later denied
making such
statements by arguing
“I would be crazy. Am I
crazy? Am I crazy? Do I
look crazy?” his skilled
rhetoric came too late
to quell Anglo
anxieties.
At least city's
priorities show
clarityBy CHRISTOPHER SIMPSONOn March 7, St.
Catharines city
councillors held a
special meeting to
"identify" their
priorities. While I lack
details on how this
"identification" process
works, I envision it as
being similar to a
police lineup.In any event, they
picked out 10 suspect
priorities.
Fear
and
self-
loat
hing
in
the
Wes
tBy
CHR
ISTO
PHER
SIM
PSO
NI t
each
Eng
lish
at a
col
lege
in To
ront
o. M
ost o
f my
stud
ents
hav
e be
en d
rille
d
in th
e Fi
ve P
arag
raph
Ess
ay
form
at si
nce
early
gra
de
scho
ol, a
nd a
re th
eref
ore
alm
ost c
ompl
etel
y in
capa
ble
of a
ctua
lly
thin
king
bef
ore
writi
ng
abou
t a su
bjec
t. Be
caus
e I
am a
Nea
nder
thal
with
no
thin
g bu
t a B
A in
Eng
lish
and
30 y
ears
of w
riting
ex
perie
nce
behi
nd m
e, I
tend
to le
an to
war
ds th
e id
ea th
at th
e w
ritten
wor
d
shou
ld a
ctua
lly in
corp
orat
e
a ce
rtai
n am
ount
of
thou
ght.
The
first
of t
he la
st ti
mes
By
Chris
toph
er S
imps
onTh
e th
ree
of u
s for
med
a
tight
littl
e gr
oup
back
in h
igh
scho
ol: I
an, G
eorg
e an
d m
e. “
The
Mod
Squ
ad,”
they
cal
led
us,
alth
ough
our
littl
e tr
inity
cont
aine
d ne
ither
bla
cks n
or
fem
ales
. Stil
l, as
witti
cism
s wen
t,
it w
as c
erta
inly
bett
er th
an so
me
of th
e ot
hers
we
face
d. “A
re y
ou
gay?
” on
e yo
ung
toug
h sn
eere
d at
me.
“I’m
reas
onab
ly h
appy
,” I
answ
ered
, puz
zled
to h
ear s
uch
an
arch
aic
wor
d fr
om so
meo
ne w
ho
appe
ared
to b
e an
inar
ticul
ate
thug
. But w
e w
eren
’t ga
y in
the
“not
-tha
t-the
re’s-
anyt
hing
-wro
ng-
with
-tha
t” se
nse.
We
wer
e ju
st
good
frie
nds.
Ian
and
Geor
ge
wer
e th
e m
ost i
mpo
rtan
t peo
ple
in m
y lif
e at
the
time.
“I n
ever
had
any
frie
nds l
ater
on
like
the
ones
I
had
whe
n I w
as tw
elve
,” sa
ys
Gord
ie L
acha
nce
in S
tand
by
Me.
My
spec
ial f
riend
ship
s cam
e in
my
late
teen
s, b
ut I
unde
rsta
nd th
e
senti
men
t.
Chicken art and
Canadian politics
By Christopher Simpson
Considering the spate of
controversy surrounding
Rob Thompson’s recent
performance-art in O
ttaw
a,
a naive observer could be
forgiven the impression
that caging two people for
a week is som
ehow
“strange” or “peculiar.”
Of course, nothing
could be further from the
truth.Despite those critics
who doubt the validity of
Thompson’s art, he is in
fact following a long
tradition of avant-garde
aesthetes, not the least of
whom
was the late, great
Rudolph Schwarzkogler
who am
putated various
portions of his body until
he ran out of material and
died.
What’s On Queen
Who am I?
Christopher Simpson. Editor/writer since 1975. Started with the Welland Tribune. Wide variety of topics and styles
including book and movie reviews, advertising, marketing analysis, history, crime, and Celtic culture.
Most recently, corporate editing and columnist for the St. Catharines Standard.
What does this mean? This is not a typical College English class. I’m going to treat you as though you were
capable of coherent thought and professional writing.
What I tell you comes from real world experience – not something dreamed up to make it possible for software to mark essays.
So this is important...
Pay attention!Come to class! Much of what is being
taught here requires lecture and conversation.
Take part! Ask questions!Trust no one!
Class In
formatio
n
Website and e-mail information
Class informationDon’t use WebCT or George Brown e-mail.Class website:http://gbccollegeenglish.wordpress.com/
Class E-mails
Monday 1 – 3 [email protected]
Wedesday 8 – 10 [email protected]
Thursday 8 – 11 [email protected]
Thursday 2 – 5 [email protected]
The Trut
h About
College
English
WHAT IS COLLEGE ENGLISH?
Nobody knows.• It involves writing.• It involves essays.
What is an essay? We don’t know. What then is time? If no one asks me, I know what
it is. If I wish to explain it to him who asks, I do not know (Augustine).
Essays can include short stories, editorials, articles in newspapers and magazines, special news reports, documentaries, commentary, and way, way more.
How you have been prepared
The Five Paragraph Essay
(5PE)
The 5PE teaches1. That an essay should have a beginning, a middle and
an end.2. That arguments should have a number of supports.3. That text should be broken into discrete blocks, called
“paragraphs.”4. That each paragraph should have an internal
consistency.5. That essays should begin by introducing the overall
topic, and end by stating the conclusion.
But the 5PE has limitations
It is mechanical
It is imaginary
It is a tool
The 5PE does not exist The Five Paragraph Essay is an artificial construct
virtually impossible to find in the real-world. The only Five Paragraph Essays (as described in the
so-called “Hamburger Essay” format) are those which have been created for one of two reasons: Showing how a Five Paragraph Essay is done
for English classes. Written after having been shown how to write
one in English classes.
So...
We don’t know what College English is.We don’t know what an essay is.And the Five Paragraph Essay you’ve
been taught all through your schooling is crap.
What’s left?
Analytical writing Analysis tends to take the form of an “essay.” The word comes from Old French, essayer, and
means “to try.” In analytical writing the best we can do is try. Analysis is never finished:
New information New definitions New shifts of knowledge
Analytical writingAnalytical writing is specialWe can never consider a subject
“finished.”In analysis, as in real science, “the
debate” is never over.
What can we analyse?Anything
Feelings Humour Traffic patterns The relative merits of dental materials Writing Analysis
Analytical writingUnlike “College English,” Analytical Writing
is what people do in the real world. It consists of two parts:
Analysis Writing
Both parts rely on clear thinking.
Rules for Clarity The rules are flexible and can be bent, but they
can’t be broken. Be concise: Keep to the topic Make sure the reader understands what you mean. Use concrete examples. The “blocks,” or “paragraphs” must be organic to
the subject matter and help reader comprehension.
The information must “flow.”
Clear AnalysisInvolves knowing the difference
between:Valid and invalid conclusions.Logical and illogical reasoningYour thoughts and other people’s
thoughts.
Clarity & the Style Guide The style guide can help keep your thinking
and writing clear. APA = American Psychological Association Different disciplines have their own style
guides: Humanities: MLA (Modern Language Association Histories: Chicago Style Guide
Style guides cover... Distance between lines The manner in which titles are written. The form and placement of citations. The form and placement of references. Example: The titles of independent publications
are written in italics. A book title, for instance (A Farewell to Arms). This also applies to movies (The Dark Knight)
Know your own mind
Style guides also help develop the habit of distinguishing between what you know personally and what you have been told.
Know your reader’s mind
Write to an audience.Style guides can help:
They provide a kind of audience, fairly conservative in nature
Two Prime Directives
In order to write well, you have to:Have something you want to say.Honestly try to express it to a given
audience.
Why is this important?
There are many reasons for learning to think and articulate clearly, but the most important one is this:
You’re being lied to.
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