Kate Lloyd

A warm hello. Welcome to the first ever issue of Zine & not Heard!

Please treat this zine like a pilot. I toyed with the idea of doing a ‘theme’ but they didn’t bode well. Instead I asked some close friends (and new ones i’ve met along the way) to just write some stories, opinions, reviews, do some drawings and take some snaps. What you hold in your hands pays homage to the many talented people I’ve met since October 1988.

The mouthful of a name came out of a brainstorming session Sean Addicott, Matt Box and myself had on a euphoric hungover Sunday. After seeing a local ad for a dog’s kennels ‘Furry Godmothers’, we decided to drop an email requesting a possible 5 night stay for our made-up dog Hammond. They replied, and with great speed. In correspondance we outlined non-existing nut allergies for our mutt, explained how we needed it to be longer than a weekend ‘because Iron Maiden were in town at the Milton Keynes bowl and we were going to get hammered’. Still maintaining an air of professionalism they asked to see a photo of Hammond, Matt came up with the idea we should draw our pooch and scan him in upside down. We sent it. But having probably clocked onto the fact we were pulling their leg they didn’t waste their breath on a reply.

And so, we felt such a resource as Z&NH would be useful in documenting wonderments like these in life.

I’ve just made the grand leap from Great Missenden to a house in London, so times ahead look pretty exciting for Z&NH. Deep down I love going to DIY shows, good music (i know it when i hear it!), meeting new folk and lavishing in fine food. So do those others that helped in making this. I’d like to think so anyway!

Contact bits and bobs

Contributors wanted! for #2

andnotheardzine@gmail.com | www.zineandnotheard.co.uk

Tommy.

BIG EASY-SOUTH KENSINGTONSituated on the grandoise King Road in Chelsea, (the homeland of handsomely paid celebz) you can't expect this place to cheap, but let us not forget the words plump Peter Parker’s once said "with great price comes great quantability."

BE (cool acryonm) do a number of luring themed nights through the week; the big pig bbq on a Monday, all you can eat shrimp on a Tuesday, a similar affair with fajitas on a Wednesday and the highly regarded lobster & steak night on a Thursday. All come with your yank side usuals including slaw, beans, veg, dips (guac, cheese, sals'), fried onions and red peppers. With the Tuesday and Wednesday there are no limitations on the 'EAMAYL' concept as me and some friends discovered on their so called wednesday fajita-off. There must be near a hundred tables in the place which seat roughly 5-8, so with a full restaurant you can begin to imagine the sweat box it becomes. We were given a table for 5 downstairs, in earshot to the weekly rock 'n' roll band who form part of BE's live-in-house entertainment. Service this time wasn't so snappy but the wraps come in a cute woven bowl with a lid, along with a personalised dip bowl containing sacrilegious guac, sour cream, sals' (drop the a) and cheese. Your choice of heavenly buttered king prawns, rarely cooked steak, onions, peppers and sadly dried chicken come to you secondary on a steaming hot plate. The best thing about eating-out fajita style is not having to worry about going overboard on any one ingredient, you can literally pile on as much cheese, chicken or gauc and have it instantly replenished. Most of my wraps were barely foldable as you can imagine. Claire decided the best bet would be do avoid the stoggy carby wrap altogether and just go all out meat n' veg, something I wasn't

too comfortable with.

After 20 minutes of chomping, your waiter(ess) of the evening come to check if you want anymore, which of course you reply 'yes'. So we ordered about 40 more sea-buttered king prawns, 8 whole rump steaks, a heck more fried onions and personal dip bowls. Our stomachs were clearly bigger than our brains as when the food finally made it's way to the table stomach hq had thrown in the towel. Though the prawns & steak did manage to lure themselves down.

So how would I rate this? Highly. It's as close to an intimate, sweaty, American restaurant I've experienced. The price may set you back a little (£14.95 on the fajitas, £19.95 on the lobster and steak) but with a margarita (drink not the pizza) included, it's not that dear considering the amount you're gob is getting.

Unfortunately they’re mains aren’t as accomodating to vegetarians but the gargantuan onion rings as good-er any replacement!

wolfed down by tommy.

Big Easy Bar.B.Q & Crabshack332-334 Kings Road, Chelsea, London, SW3 5UR

FOODILIC- BRIGHTONSo there we are. 3 soon-to-be branded Life guards sat a-seat in what we would later find out is one of Brighton's finest eateries. The meal was sandwiched (literally, no pun intended) between two incredible DIY shows. We were initially lost (implied in both a sense of melodramatic hopelessness characterized by our need for food, as well as the literal sense) looking for Foodilic, an unassuming buffet

PIG OUT JOINTS

restaurant. Upon entering were greeted with an air of unpretention and relaxation.

I couldn't see a Delorian, nor sense the musky smells of Dr. Emmett Brown, so how food that could only have been lifted through time from Caesars palace made it into our acquaintance I will never understand! For the modest toll of 6.45 'Eat all you can'

The venue caters for vegetarians, vegans and carnivores alike. The dumbfounding aray of salad and cold buffet selection, varying from oil laden articokes, pumpkin, spiced chickpeas and lentils, a veritable forest of leaves slutted out in range of oils and garnishes, fresh sliced facaccia breads. The real winner of the hearts and minds of the Z&NH team however, had to be the chicken and apple salad, served in a molten creamy white dressing. Fruit and meat is often cause for much contention, but, somehow worked. I mean, really worked.

To complement the cold array, a selection of cooked stews, chicken thighs in a tomato sauce, cous cous and mashed potato. To wash this down, a glass of apple juice. And hey, guess what, It actually tasted like apples. Thick, tangy and, well, fucking great. All served by a beautiful woman who misidentified our attire to be that of life guards. And who were we to convince her of anything else.

chowed down by Sean Addicott.

Address: 60 North StreetThe Lanes, Brighton BN1 1RHTel: 01273 774 138

Keu- SHOREDITCHWhenever I work in Shoreditch I make sure not to eat too big a breakfast. The reason for this is Kêu (Kay-Oh: Vietnamese for ‘that’s fantastic!’). After a couple of mid-morning coffees and a whole lot of people watching, I’ll flip round my

‘gone-fishing’ sign and head to Old Street for some serious culinary fusion.

Kêu offers a selection of Vietnamese Baguettes (Banh Mi), highlighting Vietnam’s French colonial roots. The surprising combination of Asian herbs and spicing with rich French ingredients is an absolute delight. Their classic sandwich is a beautiful crunchy-on-the-outside-soft-on-the-inside baguette, crammed full of ham-hock terrine, chicken liver pâté, spiced pork belly, red chilli, picked daikon, fresh herbs and a spiced mayo (I still vividly remember my first bite of the classic. Before I had swallowed the mouthful I had sent a message to my girlfriend saying I have found the best sandwich in the world). Other stuffings include lemongrass infused bbq mackerel, spiced duck, and pork meatballs, all of which are très délicieux.

Whilst the choice of fillings is excellent, the star of the show for me is the baguette itself. Just make sure not to visit them too late in the day and risk getting sub-par bread. Your best bet after about 2 o’clock is to opt for a tasty braised ox-cheek stew, with a baguette on the side for dipping. You can wash down your sarnie or soup with any of a range of wacky soft drinks such as sugar cane juice, coconut water or rose-petal lemonade. If you want something hot they’ll pour you Caravan roasted coffee on their La Marzocco espresso machine, or brew you something delicious and delicate from Postcard Teas.

Sitting in is also a pleasure, as the staff are quick and friendly, and they’ve decked out the place with sleek black stools and free hanging low wattage light bulbs, but you have to pay 50p for the pleasure of sticking around. This shouldn’t put you off, as your sandwich will only cost you about a fiver, the stew weighing in at around six quid. A great find for a delicious, quick lunch on Old Street, made all the better by the originality of the menu. Knock-out grub! (Get it … Kêu … Kay-Oh … K.O!)

chomped by James Bailey.

This is the worst pizza ever, by Helen

colbert’s cornerof corkers What do vegetarian priests say before eating?Lettuce Pray

Where can you find a dog with no legs?Where you left it.

What do vegetarian cannibals eat?Swedes.

Why is a room full of married people always empty?Because there's not a single person there.

What did the beaver say to the tree?It was nice getting to gnaw you.

THE LIFE AND TIMES OF MAYONNAISEI hope in writing this you are in agreeance with me; Mayonnaise IS everybody’s favourite vegetable. (As inane and uncultured as that sounds, I persevere) It’s hard to believe that few simple ingredients as Egg, Lard, lemon juice and Vinegar and in some cultures mustard, a condimental deity has come to exist. AND you can by it in shops.

The pearly cream is believed to have ejaculated into history sometime during the dark ages (this initially was intended to be a joke, where by here I would insert a more recent date say, 1755 to make a satirical joke about how youths perceive time. Turns out, it was*. You better believe it)

Believed to have developed in the town of Mahon, Capital of Balearic Island Minorca and transported to France later. Most would agree this is where mayo really came from, and not from where many have stated... (Think I was going to insert some incredibly masculine hetero joke about an omnipotent beings seminal fluid? divine as 'naise may be, seriously FYL)

Or…

Perhaps it was created by Annamarie Turcauht, whose revolution against custard founded her combining eggs and fat to create England’s favourite dish?

The word “Mayonnaise” is understood to have conjugated in France. Charles de Lorraine, duke of Mayenne (French town), held its nutritional contents and capacity for heightening one’s sense of euphoria responsible for him loosing the battle of Arques (Not to be confused the

popular northern saying “Our Kez”).

All of these are but mainstream opinion. However, we here at Zine and Not heard consider ourselves far more leftfield **. More recent research*** has indicated that this “Egg and fat” is all a mistruth generated to cover up the reality: Mayonnaise is actually a substance secreted by the Mayola plant, during it’s reproductive cycle, where the stigma and stamen unite passionately. Its liquid is then harvested by honey bees, who store it in hive-type matrices, known as ‘Naisians. Interestingly, the bee’s previous product of course, being honey, has been replaced by demand for something the super markets can sell cheaper. Unconfirmed rumours blame credit crunch.

Common Misconceptions:

1. Mayonnaise can be eaten as a sole constitute of a nutritious diet.

2. That you can’t eat a whole jar of mayonnaise.

3. You can’t touch this.

Mayonnaise Suggestions:

1. To be applied generously to pizza crusts, sandwiches and pasta meals

2. To be applied to any other meal in equal proportions. It’s that fucking good.

3. Stuck in a shoe box with large chunks of meat and consumed, whilst waving your fists wildly in a fit of testosterone.

4. To be eaten with a desert spoon whilst you cry, naked in the foetal position in the corner of a cold dark room, slowly rocking, wondering what the fuck happened to your life, if you’ll ever crawl out of this atrocious hole that’s slowly enveloping you and more importantly, who ate the last of your Ben and Jerry’s, leading you to console your grief with Mayonnaise.

*”was” is a loose substitution for probably** Unconfirmed***Fabrication - dipped on by Sean Addicott.

When I was small my Nan and Great Aunt would spin the skipping rope

they'd used as children for my sister and I. To help us keep the rhythm, as

we skipped they'd chant 'Salt, mustard, vinegar, pepper....' and the rest of a

rhyme I don't now remember. Their enthusiasm to play games with us and

the free rein I had to explore their house with my sister inspired the curiosity

and wanderlust that pervades our lives as adults. When I think of condiments I

think of adventure.

By Jenny Willett

You ever wonder why licensing agreements never go smoothly between countries?

Turntable.fm is one of the many internet business ideas stung by US red tape. Beginning it’s journey in January of this year, turntable.fm offered a virtual solution to the often uncontrollable urge one has over taking full control of the stereo in certain social situations. Two months into it’s global launch and it gloated relative success, that is up until the turn of spring where record labels began to see an profit window for themselves. After lengthy disputes between the labels (The Sony's, EMI's of this world), and to avoid the cost of a team of lawyers, Turntable had to resort to domesticating itself, cutting out all of those overseas who were hooked.

Its initial success I believe was built off the back of last.fm. It’s one downside being despite endless graphs and tagging possibilities you could ever imagine there’s been little development work into the sharing functionality. What you can do in Turntable.fm is a slight step-up. The program allows up to 5 people to become virtual ‘party-dj's’, collectively both the dj's and virtual party go-ers have the option of voting you up, to keep you as disque jockey, or down, granting the next person song choice rights. It's a ruthless system, but healthy numbers of 140,000+ in America suggest this to be becoming more than just a novelty.

Over at thenextweb, Adrian Chan a social interaction design speaks about the emotive and rewarding "togetherness" the services provides.

"This “togetherness” isn’t directly produced by the ego-oriented social game features of Turntable. In fact it’s an attribute of the experience that exceeds or transcends what those features can offer in and of themselves. And it says something about the

power (engagement) of the tacit, the implicit, and the unspoken aspects of synchronous mediated experiences." (2)*

(*I may have to submit that to Psueds corner you know)

The "synchronous mediated experiences" Chan speaks about relates to the contrived benefits we get out of feeling part of a wider group. Many pieces of software and newer games rely too much on individual gain and not on the wider social aspect; who for example benefits from your sole scrobble of a song on last.fm? You. BUT who benefits from a decent song on turntable.fm? Your friends and you (sorta). They may like your music taste (probably not if it's powerviolence) and you get an ego boost. Everyone wins. Which is why more people should be granted the option to use this.

(1) Paidcontent.co.uk lists a number of other services that have had numerous difficulties breaching out of the states. Some of which include Rhapsody (crap anyway), Netflix, Mint.com (I have the app dormant on my phone) and up until very recently Spotify.Source: http://paidcontent.co.uk/article/419-hey-spotify-sceptics-international-is-hard-to-do/

(2) A bigger and better summary can be found here.Source: http://thenextweb.com/insider/2011/06/25/why-turntable-fm-is-the-most-exciting-social-service-of-the-year/

words by tommy royds.

TURNTABLE FM

Kate Lloyd

Scar Studios is a cosy rehearsal space tucked under a railway bridge round the corner from Camden Lock; an area of North London whose market traders still refuse to give up stocking t-shirt bearing the designs of ‘The Punk Panther’ or Bob Marley off his nut. The local food economy sits no better, only tired wagons flogging knock of cakes 3 for a pound (4 if you wait till the early evening) or sweet and sour noodles in bulk, the bottom of which hasn’t been seen since May 2009.

While carbs are sold left, right and centre, the organisers of ‘DIDN’T IT RAIN’ are instead busy lighting a barbeque for all those attending the DIY show tonight. They ask to bring booze for the merriment and some change for the ferriment (one of the bands playing came from the Czech Republic). As a venue/rehearsal area, Scar is pretty multifunctional, boasting some sizeable practise rooms up and down. (these larger congreation areas make way for lifes small luxuries like tea-making facitilites!) The person organising it all is a lovely lady called Sara, very accomodating and keen to warn people before bands were about to head on. Something I feel more promoters should do when the band area is some distance from the outside area (Luke @ Punk & Pasta you were great in and doing this in Brighton). Too frequently do you lose track of time and your surroundings when there’s booze in your hands.

NOVEMBER FLEET(ex-Roll Call for the Second Site) were first up, and the first female band I've seen in a long-while dipping their toes into something that isn’t shoegaze. Some nice harmonies shared among all three, ploddy basslines (they need more of these) and

I dare say the odd trenchant 'P-Rock' chorded moment. Song 'Schemeta' sounds a little Lemuria-y in places, the high notes remind me of Caithin from Rainer Maria, though, as you can guess I’m clutching at straws here with comparisons.

ILLNESS from Brighton played second who I remember did a big UK tour with bluesy boys Shield Your Eyes not too long ago. I've been spinning their album 'Some Vegetable Waste' a fair bit on the commute back from work so was pleased to hear they were on da bill, and just in the nick of time, as they announced this to be there last ever show! What sets these apart from a lot of 'mathy-rawk' two-pieces is the guitarists avoidance of tapping, just lots of distortions and commotion up and down the fret board. The drumming too is first class; snare fills when you least expect them, together like in 'B for Bovril' there’s even glimmers of Make Believe up for discussion. They played well, even if this was to be their last. R.I.P Illness! (On a wee note: I picked up one of their free LP’s but unsuccessfuly left it outside. If you took it home please can i have it back? I know it's just as much yours as it is mine, but...)

DEPAKINE CHRONOavec Czech Republic played soon after. My European informant (Stef from SYE) said he seeked them out after playing a few shows with them in CZ. Depakine Chrono is in

DIDN’T IT RAIN

medical terms the European equivalent of epilim (that drug to treat epilpsy). This band are definate liars, for you only have to listen to 10 seconds to discover they offer anything but fitting medication. Carrying a few more of the tappy 'math-rawk' traits then the former Illness, Depakine were pretty good stuff in the flesh. Should you be a frequent listener of Cheval de Frise or the better known Hella then you'll know what to expect here, hard hitting drumming and plently of two finger action from the man standing up.

NITKOWSKI (in place of SYE) came on last. Funny story infact, the last time I saw them at the Vibe Bar, Ed (guitarist) had a terrible gas problem due to his reluctance to use the bar toilets. Throughout their set, a whole range of different smells left his arsehole leaving a semi-circle formation around his anus. (I assume as people were standing behind his bum this time fibre intake was low) Pre-emptively explaining Nitkowski to a friend is near impossible, ‘maybe a bit like Botch? Rodan? Polvo? Sweep the Leg Johnny?’ I now settle with ‘like Don Caballero but darker and with bad flatulence.’

Nitkowski wiped through a lot of newer stuff from their upcoming record, as well as blowing a few of the latter tracks of older album 'Chaffeuers'. Their stage precense is very fitting. Both guitarists Dan and Ed pace hypnotically backwards and forward on one foot, only stopping to stagger when the gloomy, belch of the floor tom is replaced for an ear-splitting barrage of cymbols. The guitars lead a battle of their own, competiting to see which can be more dischordant than the other. (see i told you, you just can't explain it) Best band in the South at the moment? Yeah i’d go with that.

drivel by Tommy.

www.novemberfleet.comwww.illnessband.bandcamp.comwww.depakinechrono68.bandcamp.comwww.nitkowski.net

Dan Nitkowski: getting his swagger onPicture by rodabod

Henry moved towards that bedside cabinet where father had kept the gun. His arms where shaking, and the smell of perspiration rose to his nose. There was a waft of faint tepid salt and for a fleeting moment he enjoyed the smell of his own bodily fluids. Tudor fireplace. His right unblocked nostril drew another waft deep inside the sinuses. Victorian attic. This disease has made my line of work very sensitive to the art of sensory recollection. Metanarrative I thought, not stream of consciousness.

The gun looked small in Henry’s hand –when a man drinks his first half pint and a Great Dane fucks a poodle. Oddly small and Henry couldn’t figure out why. Metonymy I thought, not metaphor. A past paper news flashed into his mind and a drunken conversation he’d had with a failing PhD student about Fenollosa, and Nietzsche. Pretentious wank, intertextual bullshit, Henry raised the gun and pointed it towards a portrait of his mother. The portrait has been conceived by an odd Canadian cleaner that was once employed by the household. She’d kept herself to herself, and had lived with the family for a while back before the Americans ultimately stepped in. When the government turned everything to code six her boyfriend kicked her out of their flat, protesting about a perfect harbouring ground for a viral infection. At the time I thought he was just a hypochondriac like the rest of the worry well nation, but maybe there was some truth to what he was saying. Father definitely had had difficulty in keeping the truth locked up but finally he got a grip on it and managed to bury it all in the garden. Puns intended, subtle Freudian connotation not.

henry

She probably wants me to do it. Henry had spent the whole of the afternoon reshaping the beds in the now near-to-perfect back garden. There was an interlocking Celtic cross theme that his mother had devised whilst on holiday to the west of Ireland. She painted her toe nails green, grew a long ginger beard and redesigned the house to resemble a real ‘the wind that shook the barley’ film set. Hyphenated neologism. The roots went deep. Weed killer hadn’t worked first time round so I had to make sure that all the roots were removed or the fucking thing would grow back again. A metallic jolt of the fork shuddered up my arms. Her skull was cracked –creme brulée – it is scientifically impossible to predetermine the chance of succumbing to arthritis as a direct cause from cracking your knuckles.

Henry had found Maria. Both his father and his previous cleaner were probably arguing in hell right now. The rest of the family had assumed Marias flight back to Canada had just been bad timing and that her inevitable death from the mutated porcine influenza hadn’t affected them. Father knew different. He killed her and then he killed himself.

I wonder if they both smelt this distinctive Edwardian window pane smell as I do right now. The terrible portrait of my mother is allowed to relax and the cold metal of the gun touches the temple of Henrys forehead. He has about 40, 45 minutes until the virus takes over. Death pulls back the trigger and stains the cream carpet. The tea cup smashes.

By Joel White

SOME SKELETONS EP Kypes / Pests /Throats

The Nottingham and Derby scene is poopin' out some most-excellent bands right now, and these 4 Notts blokes most-definitely continue that trend.

Some Skeletons are an alt-indie-rock band with a bloody great load of vocal harmonies. This intertwining voice work is definitely their Unique Selling Point ('USP' if you're a fan of abbrev.s), brilliantly accenting the ebbs/flows/builds/breaks in this debut EP's three tracks. The band's instrumentation isn't quite as strong, but in this case it isn't necessarily a fault, the indie guitar riffs, staple grungey post-rock moments, and simple drum patterns appear as a blank canvas for the vocals to show off and paint a pretty picture on.

Some Skeletons are giving away all of their tracks for free via their bandcamp page which is delightfully easy to access from their site below.

(Side note: Other bands please take note… stay the Jesus away from Myspace and make your online presence exactly like this. Having one clear showcase of your latest tracks, upcoming dates and links to all of your various other e-appearances makes life easy incredibly for your lazy fans; fans who simply don't have the time to copy/paste your name into google - there are cat videos to watch, jeez.)buy - www.someskeletons.com

DOWSING - ALL I COULD FIND WAS YOU (CYLS) A cracking 6 tracks of Chicago-an bopping indie-emo from members of the Please & Thank You’s .This debut is rimmed with jangley guitar, plodding basslines and charming sentimental verses. A lovely lady called Delia plays the Organ too, which in an korg dominated world if a lovely thing to hear.buy - www.cylsrecords.com

PAPAYER - EP (SELF RELEASED)A newer reworked EP here for Derby’s Papayer and another brownie badge for UK emo. The grumpey, strained vocals and and Monument-esque noodle-ry (new suffix again) show these northeners have got something real good going on. Considering these guys have barely hit reached 20’s, I anticipate, exponentially speaking very good things.buy - papayer.bandcamp.com

ELK - RHODES - MOONLIT SAILOR SPLIT 2 bands from Liverpool and one from...

Sweden? This three way jobby, is released by Edils Recordings, packaged together with tracing paper and super thin card, how DIY! Moonlit Sailor start things off with teary post-rock number ‘Stranded Tension’, making me reminisce the times I used to listen to Saxon Shore at some ungodly hour in the morning. Next up are Rhodes from Liverpool who bring 2 new songs to the table, one complete newbie and reworked number ‘All I Keep Seeing Are Flamingos’. The pure instrumental “I’ve Been Living Like A Demented God” is as Noyes orientated as their last, but the newer track with vocals as Andy Swain states ‘need to be prominent’, and he’s right. The vocals are too atmospheric, we need more yelps and wordy bits for sing-a-longs! That isn’t too say that this band aren’t anything but exceptional.

Did I nearly forget to mention Elk are track 3 & 5? Elk used to be Andy, Glenn and Ritch and now rub shoulders regularly with the Audacious Art Experiment boys in Sheffield (they released their First Love EP dont’cha know). Sadly, Elk offer no exclusive tracks at all here, just oldie ‘Reading Habits’ and big hit ‘First Love’ (another listen will just have to suffice). If you’re prone to a bit Q and Not U or Faraquet you’ll find this well worthy of skipping to. Personally my favourite of the bunch! Go grab this swift number. buy - edilsrecordings.bandcamp.com

Tommy Royds

Andy Swain

The Pharmacist - Adam Hedley

INTERVIEW: FEAR OF DIYFear of DIY is an upcoming music/video project run by Andrew Sidney Chambi and Sam Walker. Sam decided we were all so incompetant he needed to explain it himself, so here it is:

1.Fear of DIY suggests to me you’re almost afraid of the DIY ethic, what’s the meaning behind the name?

Actually the idea behind it was other people’s perceptions of the DIY scene and the people involved in it. It can seem quite daunting to outsiders that going to someone’s house or a crappy pub in the backstreets of London to listen to shouty, noisey music would be a pleasant environment, so by filming the bands involved with that scene it might help break down some of those preconceptions some people might have, and that we are in fact a bunch of nice people in a community of musicians and music lovers as well as show them a side of music that they might not even know about. Originally it was going to be “Fear of Music” after a Talking Heads album, but that domain name was already taken.

2. You’re name is quite funny abbreviated, how do you feel about that?

I quite like it. It reminds me of when Green Day were good.

3. How did FOD come together, what were your initial intentions at starting such a musical feat? Is it based on some vendetta you have against camera phones and/or youtube?

It was more just a project I liked the idea of. I had recorded live gigs before and I enjoyed listening back to them and remembering the gig. Then one morning after watching The Old Grey Whistle Test DVD, I was listening to a gig I had recorded about a year or two

before and it just sort of clicked that it would be easy to record and film a band and put them together. Then when you factor in that there are hundreds of videos where the sound quality is frankly awful, I thought it was an idea worth pursuing. It still irks me when I see videos where someone has gone and got a relatively decent HD camera to film gigs they go to and pay no attention to the fact that the sound they captured makes the whole video basically unwatchable. So I asked a filmmaker friend (Andrew “Sid” Chambi) who plays in bands in the scene I am most involved in if he would be interested in filming the gigs and luckily he was.

4. Is FOD more about the sound or the video?

Both really. I wanted to present it in a sort format similar to the “Old Grey Whistle Test” and “Later With Jools Holland” type of shows but it has since changed to being less of a “studio” based thing where we invited bands to come along and play in an empty room to now pretty much filming live gigs as and when they happen. Though despite this change the idea of having a decent quality video and sound production has remained at the forefront of what we aim to achieve.

5. How do you go about approaching bands to film, do you have to set-up any agreements in advance with bands/venues?

Just ask really! I do like to check with everyone involved as it seems rude to possibly disrupt the running of a gig setting up microphones. I think most bands are more than happy for it to happen, as it isn’t like photographers bother to ask, they just go and do it. Plus most of the bands we’ve asked know us or are a friend of a friend and I think they know the deal is that we are doing it because we enjoy it and they will get something out of it too, not because we are going to try and sell it to some shitty magazine whose view on vinyl records differ from our own. As for the venues, having worked in them before I know that engineers can be a peculiar bunch so I always try to work around them and provide solutions to problems that might occur from me turning up with a load of gear,

rather than expecting them to know how to deal with it. Again I think a lot of these venues are just happy to have something to draw punters in rather than worry about a few people turning up with recording equipment and good intentions. Though I don’t doubt it might cause a problem in bigger venues, I don’t think we have to worry about that just yet.

6. Give us a run-down of the equipment you use.

I use an Alesis HD24, which is a mutitrack hard drive recorder. I also use various microphone preamps and microphones I have accumulated over the years. Also at the minute I lug around a small mixing desk but I really want to phase it out as it is heavy and a pain to take places. Sid uses a camera. A nice one.

7. I noticed you recorded Illness playing a house show you recently put on, how did you go about making it sound half-decent considering the acoustical circumstances of a living room?

Funnily enough I’m not that happy with the recording. I was a bit rushed and didn’t plug in a microphone properly. It wasn’t all that bad though I suppose. The thing with live recordings is that you can’t spend hours in the studio making sure a kick drum sounds punchy or that the guitar sounds suitable for the sound of the band. You have to set up and hope for the best sometimes. Luckily I’ve been doing this for a while now and I know a few things about making the most of a bad situation. I’ve actually done some recordings in that living room I’m pretty proud of.

8. Who’s the worst band you’ve had to do the sound for?

Probably any band where the average age was 18 or less. Though they have to start somewhere and at least they weren’t some hardcore band with an ego because their album was in Rocksound or something.

9. Who you listening to at the moment?

I tend to listen to a lot of Isis or Clutch, on repeat, but I should also mention bands like Mayors of Miyazaki, Solomon Grundy, Death Pedals, Econo. Things like that.

10. What’s instore for Fear of DIY, any exciting things on the horizon?

We have a few gigs we will be recording towards the end of July. One with Death Pedals and one with Shield Your Eyes so I am looking forward to that as we haven’t done much for about a month. Then in August an all dayer in London. I also asked Attack! Vipers! if they would be up for being a part of it and they said yes, so that is cool for me as they are one of my favourite UK bands. So there is more on the horizon and even more beyond that.

11. How can people go about getting in touch, are you open for new business?

We have a facbook page (just look up “Fear of DIY”) and a tumblr (fearofdiy.co.uk) and our email is fearofdiy@live.co.uk if people want to get in touch. I wouldn’t exactly say we are open for business, this is more of a personal project rather than a business venture but you never know. So while I can’t guarantee that we will record any band that might be interested if we like you I’m sure we will get around to you eventually. Sid and I both have full time jobs, so our time is limited.

12. Cheers Sam. Lastly are you a ketchup or brown sauce man?

Neither. I feel weird even touching the bottle.

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Kate Lloyd

He had been there only half an hour and already he was disgruntled. Poor service, poor décor, poor food and poor wine.

Bloated and with a strand of oyster connecting his mouth to the table Victor looked up at the waiter who swiftly cleared the shells from under his nose.

Victor had picked this particular specimen from a tank near the beginning of the evening. Large, blue with small sparkling black eyes; he was sure this was the one; it would make up for the torturous evening he felt he had endured so far.

The splendid meal was placed in front of him as couples and other guests shifted their eyes to see the grand creature. For the first time in his long, lonely, uneventful life victor felt excited. He began salivating.

The lobster remained motionless in its sun-burnt shell. Its claw was snapped off sharply. It flinched.

Victor hadn’t noticed it but the lobster had moved on its own accord, reacting to losing a claw. The meat tasted bland at first; soft and puree-like, the taste then developed into something else creamy and smooth like milk, but sweeter.

He sat back in his chair; it was unlike any lobster he had tried, the flavour seemed to be developing, changing, moving though tastes and flavours he had only experienced as a small boy at boarding school. “Quite incredible” he thought to himself, amazed.

Still the flavour lasted, sweets, school dinners, ice-cream, cake, pies, juices of every kind, so the list went on. He began to be over whelmed with memories of dinner times, Sunday roasts and picnics in summer. Fish and chips by the coast, he could taste the salt air and the golden oily crunch of the batter.

The lobster waited as Victor experienced again all of the tastes that had made his life worthwhile.

By Harry Clarke

lobster

I picked up Bread during summertime, it cost me 20p from a village car boot and were a right old find. Manufactured by Paul Lamond Games, Bread is based around the comedy series that ran on the BBC between 86-91 (when I were still playing in my turtle sandcastle), it followed the devoutly-Catholic and extended Boswell family of Liverpool around the gruesome days of the Thatcher legacy. Taking the board out of the black plastic and unfolding it, it bears a very simple, rectangular design, the many clashing shades of lime green and baby blue make the eyes cower. Tucked underneath that you'll find a big wad of paper notes in 50, 20, 10 and 5 denominations, and 3 sets of cards: 'Mrs. Boswell', 'DHSS' (the H has now been dropped) and 'Character cards'. No counter pieces were found in mine.

The object of the game is to be the first player to leave home with the following things:

1) A job2) A partner 3) Somewhere to live4) A Telephone5) Furniture6) Transport

To start, each player is given £60 and handed a character at random. Each has certain attributes they will not do, for example Joey (wisest and most handsome of the offspring) does not like doing manual work, Jack (the scrounger with the battered van) never gets free petrol (poor guy) and Adrian, the artistic one, will not defraud social security (how honest). We found Dad to be the most useless as he can neither drive or hold down any labour-bearing job.

Whoever goes first begins by rolling the die, then moving from their place at the central dinner table to one of the unmissable red squares that match their number rolled. This

starts to get quite irritating when people keep landing on the marked 'breakfast', 'lunch' and 'dinner' squares. These automatically force all players back to the dinner table and require you to give a compulsory donation to the Boswell kitty. £5 if you're unemployed and around £20 should you be as unlucky to have a job. Leading you broke before you know it.

Should your homemade counter manage to avoid meal time, you might be fortunate enough to land on one of Mrs. Boswell squares. Her cards, like the DHSS, are good opportunites to pick up a job, find a partner or a obtain your own Sinclair C5 (a running joke with the game maker I can only presume!) Occasionally you may pick up a card simulating life in the Boswell household - "Calling Adrian a big girls blouse means you have to "do the dishes". Miss a go" is one of the many ways you can fall behind in this game. DHSS squares provide you with alternative ways at avoiding the setbacks of having a job, for if you've got the balls, you can collect state-hands out and "rent-free" cards.

In either 4 corners are what Helen, Jane and myself discovered to be filler squares. To escape the clutches of Grandad's corner you must roll an even number, to free yourself from Mother Boswell you must roll an odd and to break free from the cluthes of Lido Lil you must roll a 6 (this was near impossible on a big wooden die may I add). Just so we're singing on the same hymn sheet, Lido Lil is the women Dad (Freddie) left Mrs. Boswell (Nellie) for, so you can imagine why she's frequently referred to as the 'tart' at the dinner table. Once you've learnt the ropes, you'll soon realise anything can happen in Bread, from writing-off your Reliant Robin, being booted out of your crap flat, or arrested by the benefit police. Even if all your go's are just spend going back-and-forth to the dinner table, it's tremendous fun. That is until someone eventually gets all 6 things and leaves the game, but in this day in age we all know who the real loser is there.

eligible writing by tommy.

BREAD

Egg - Adam Hedley

KILLING YOURSELF TO LIVE(an introduction)Whilst in holiday in Boston a couple years ago i was in a bookshop and stumbled across a book called 'killing yourself to live.' I found the idea curious - the notion that in order to really, really live and to experience all of the wonders of this fine world you have to in someway kill yourself, not a shotgun to the head but more in line with newtons 3rd law that every action must have an equal and opposite reaction (i knew that gcse science would come in useful one day.)

By this i mean no fine night on the whiskey without the body rejecting the booze and the subsequent hangover, no succulent rare steak without the e.coli and no cheap bottle of frosty jacks will come without the feeling the next day that you want to end it all (perhaps a slight exaggeration but you get the jist.) Incidentally It turned out that the book was actually an assortment of interviews and musings by an American journalist by the name of Chuck Klosterman. I got the book regardless and if i recall correctly has this pretty cool bit where he follows around a guns 'n roses tribute band for a while so if thats your bag i recommend it heartily. it is however the notion of killing yourself to live that brings around this little ditty; tales of strange nights, stranger substances and even stranger strangers.

By Johnny Barnes

FOOTBALL, ETC.INTERVIEW

Football, Etc are an emo band from Houston, TX. Lindsay plays guitar and sings, Mercy plays bass and James plays drums. I asked them some questions via the internet, here are their answers.

Tommy: Hey FE! so how are we feeling this afternoon?

Lindsay: Well, I’m at work because a student has a detention. He’s organizing some books while I answer these questions. Then I have grad school tonight. 13 hour days are pretty killer. I’m tired.

Sunday’s are the historical sabbath n’all, so what do you spend your free times at the weekend doing?

Mercy: Lindsay and I end up working a lot on the weekends, but we also typically have band practice on Sunday.

Lindsay: We usually also go grocery shopping Sunday morning.

Which records have you been playing as of late?

Mercy: End of a Year and Aye Nako come to mind, but as usual I’m keeping Sonic Youth and Fugazi on a steady rotation too.

Lindsay: A few Owen records have been on repeat for me.

Bands like yourself, E!E! and Joie De Vivre have inspired a lot of people to pick up guitars and have a go at creating something based round that ‘90’s sound’. Have you noticed a rapid increase in the number of bands doing such a thing in the US?

Mercy: There are definitely way more now, even here in Houston, where the sound is less popular than it is places like the Midwest and Pennsylvania. In fact there was recently a show called ‘Twinklefest’ out in Conroe, a suburb of Houston! Two years ago I would have never thought it would become that popular.

Lindsay: I’m not sure how much we’ve inspired others to do it, but I think that a lot of people who grew up listening to that “90’s sound” are creating music that sounds like what they like. It is nice to hear more contemporary music that I enjoy.

You were on tour with CYLS chums Pswingset over summer, how did that work out? Any odd stories to tell along the way?

Mercy: We had an amazing time with Pswingset, they are great band and the nicest guys as well. The first night of tour we played a house show, and were told we could sleep over. What they didn’t tell us, though, was that they were having a raging all-night party. When we were all trying to sleep a drunken girl ran down the stairs and plopped down on the couch, not seeing that Jordan (Pswingset) was lying there. Somehow she didn’t notice that she was sitting on his face. He said, “You can get up now!”. Finally she got up and ran...right into the glass door.

Lindsay: That is definitely the best story. At the same party a guy who lived there also backed his car into the house. That was quite the night. In Oklahoma we stayed with a guy named Andon, who had something like five cats, a dog, and a pot-bellied pig. That was memorable for sure.

Venues or houses in the US must get pretty hot during peak summer. Are you easy adjusters to the heat or do you prefer playing shows over winter?

Mercy: I prefer the heat to the cold. I grew up with the heat so it doesn’t bother me so much. I’ll take sweat over snow any day.

Lindsay: I like the cold, but living in Houston has trained me to tolerate the heat. Houston is one of the hottest cities in the country, so when we toured to our north and east it was a little less hot.

Prior to FE, Lindsay and Mercy you used to be in Tin Kitchen, how do you consider FE’s to be different from its predecessor?

Mercy: I think there’s a lot of similarities, since we never wanted to break up Tin Kitchen and wanted to basically form the same band when we moved to Houston. I think we have more of a mature sound with football, and a better idea of how to create the sounds we want to hear.

Lindsay: I think it is just a continuation of the same band. It is still Mercy and I, but we’ve learned a little better how to play music in a band and with each other.

Have you ever considered delving into trumpetmo territory? (i.e. bring in some kind of brass instrument into the mix)

Mercy: I have a slight aversion to trumpets.

Lindsay: She can’t tolerate the songs with trumpets on the American Football record. I’ve never thought about brass. I’d be more interested in bringing various stringed instruments, keys, and percussion.

I was reading up on your interview you did with Manual Dexterity earlier today, and I hear you found newest drummer James through Craiglist. Did you have to sift through a lot to find the right one or was James the perfect pick first time round?

Lindsay: Since we’ve moved to Houston we have only found drummers on Craigslist. We didn’t meet any other drummers except him. He responded to the ad and let us know he could tour with us just a couple months later. Besides us liking his style, he was serious about music so we instantly knew he was a great pick.

You know all of us here in the UK are all very looking forward to having you? Have you visited before?

Mercy: I’ve never been to the UK, and I can’t wait to go! YNTL has been so helpful and kind in booking everything, I think we are going to have a great time.

Lindsay: I’ve never left the country. James hasn’t either. We just got our first passports!

Can you play some Tin Kitchen oldies for me?

Mercy: We still play “Catch the Spirit” sometimes, maybe we’ll re-learn the other ones if people want to hear them.

Lindsay: “Catch the Spirit” used to be called “Florida song” when we played it with Jacki in Tin Kitchen. It was until we resurrected it for Football, etc. that it got a proper name. I love those Tin Kitchen songs still. We’d just have to make sure we remember them!

You know Your Neighbour The Liar (touring palz) are Scottish? Are you a little nervous the accent may be a big language barrier?

Mercy: We will have to have to watch some Sean Connery movies to prepare, ha!

What’s on board for the future?

Mercy: We’ll certainly do another US tour over summer, perhaps the west coast, and perhaps with Pswingset again because they are so much fun.

Lindsay: I’d like to write and record another record in 2012.

Thank you so much. Lastly are you ketchup or brown sauce kinda people?

Mercy: I had to look up what ‘brown sauce’ was. I gather that it’s A1 sauce? If so I prefer it to ketchup. But I prefer sriratcha to both.

Lindsay: I second that. Sriratcha all the way. * Football, Etc play our house in Mile End on the 27th of December, joined by Your Neighbour The Liar, Bird Calls, Smithsonian and Elk. Get in touch (andnotheardzine@gmail.com) if you’d like to join the santa party. fo

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To all those that contributed, a big thank you. (in no order):

Sean Addicott (for providing the most words & having the biggest scar)Matt Box (for the Piñata & most illuminous hair)Kate Lloyd (for her bootiful drawings)Adam Hedley (a.k.a Mr. Booze for his handsome drawings)Harry Clarke (for the flash fiction)Joel White (for the brash fiction)Johnny Barnes (for his words)James Bailey (for his words)Andy Swain (for his words)Jenny Willett (for her snaps)Edd Colbert (for the terrible jokes)Ashley Davies (on the night)Helen Royds (for doing the whole layout and design)James Royds (for everything else)