Www.thirdsigma.com.au Creating Positive Equity from Conflict Liz Cassidy Third Sigma International .

www.thirdsigma.com.au

Creating Positive Equity from Conflict

Liz CassidyThird Sigma International www.thirdsigma.com.au


Types Of Conflict

1. Intra-personal2. Inter-personal3. Organisation4. Communal5. Societal6. National7. International


Cost Of Conflict

Seen = 10%

Unseen = 90%


Stages of Conflict

Discomfort: Something doesn’t feel right

Misunderstandings: Motives and facts confused. Thoughts dwell on the issue

Tension: Relationship impacted by negative opinions. Constant worry.

Crises: Extreme behaviour contemplated or executed. Relationship rupture possible.

Incidents: Short exchange , no lasting reaction

Source: Adapted from The Conflict Resolution Network NSW


Conflict Collusion

Me Other

3. I DO …ProtestHuffResent

2. I SEE An Object:DemandingUnreasonable Whining

4. HE SEESAn object:Self-centeredInconsiderateImmature

1. HE DOES Take up timeComplainsBadgers

Collusion:A conflict where the parties are inviting the very things they are fighting against

AlliesAllies


Decision Making Time

Situation:

Choice

Above the Line

See the Person. Perspective = Peace

Respond to the Person

Fame of Reference = “Out of the box”

Below the Line

See An Object. Perspective = War

React to the Object

Fame of Reference = “In the box”

View of Myself View of Other Person

My Feelings My View of the World

My Behaviours – I DoSource: Adapted from The Arbinger Institute: Anatomy of Peace


The Better-Than BoxView of Myself

SuperiorImportant

Virtuous/Right

View of Others

No right to be thereInferior

Incapable/IrrelevantFalse/Wrong

Feelings

ImpatientDisdainfulIndifferent

View of World

CompetitiveTroubled

Needs Me

My Behaviours ….

Source: Adapted from The Arbinger Institute: Anatomy of Peace


The I-Deserve Box (often goes hand in hand with Better Than)

View of Myself

MeritoriousMistreated/Victim

Unappreciated

View of Others

MistakenMistreatingUngrateful

Feelings

EntitledDeprivedResentful

View of World

UnfairUnjust

Owes me

My Behaviours ….



The Must-Be-Seen BoxView of Myself

Need to be well thought of

Fake

View of Others

JudgementalThreateningMy audience

Feelings

Anxious/AfraidNeedy/StressedOverwhelmed

View of World

DangerousWatching

Judging Me

My Behaviours ….Source: Adapted from The Arbinger Institute: Anatomy of Peace


The Worse-Than Box

View of Myself

Not as GoodBroken/Deficient

Fated

View of Others

AdvantagedPrivilegedBlessed

Feelings

HelplessJealous/Bitter

Depressed

View of World

Hard/DifficultAgainst MeIgnoring Me

My Behaviours ….



Stages of Conflict

Discomfort: Something doesn’t feel right

Misunderstandings: Motives and facts confused. Thoughts dwell on the issue

Tension: Relationship impacted by negative opinions. Constant worry.

Crises: Extreme behaviour contemplated or executed. Relationship rupture possible.

Incidents: Short exchange , no lasting reaction

Source: Adapted from The Conflict Resolution Network NSW


Getting Out of the Box

1. Look for the signs of the box (blame, justification, labelling, horribilisation, common box styles etc). Note this requires self-honesty.

2. Find an out-of-the-box place (out-of-the-box relationships, memories, activities, places etc).

3. Ponder the situation anew (i.e. from this out-of-the-box perspective). Ask:

What are this person’s or people’s challenges, trials, burdens and pains? How am I, or some group of which I am a part, adding to these

challenges, trials, burdens and pains? In what other ways have I or my group neglected or mistreated this

person or group? In what ways are my better-than, I-deserve, worse-than and must-be-

seen-as boxes obscuring the truth about others and myself and interfering with potential solutions?

What am I feeling I should do for this person or group? What could I do to help?



Staying Out of the Box

4. Act upon what I have discovered; do what I am feeling I should do



"It is essential to know that to be a happy person, a happy family, a happy society, it is very crucial to have a good heart, that is very crucial.

World peace must develop from inner peace.

Peace is not just the absence of violence but the manifestation of human compassion”

Dalai Lama


About Third Sigma International

Third Sigma International provides services in – Executive Coaching – Performance Coaching – Forum & Group Facilitation – Corporate Training and Personal Development– Mediation and Conflict Resolution

throughout Australia and Asia.

Www.thirdsigma.com.au Creating Positive Equity from Conflict Liz Cassidy Third Sigma International .

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