Www.convergencecoaching.com ©Copyright 2000-2012 ConvergenceCoaching, LLC All rights reserved. I...

www.convergencecoaching.com©Copyright 2000-2012

ConvergenceCoaching, LLC All rights reserved.

I Trust You (Sort Of).Do You Trust Me?

Presented by:Tamera Loerzel

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Poll #1

• What best describes your role in your organization? – Partner– Manager, Senior Manager or Director– Supervisor, Senior or Staff – Administrative Role (i.e. HR, Marketing, Firm

Administrator, etc.) – Other

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Agenda

• We’ll learn how to trust more and how to earn and maintain the trust of others by exploring:– How trust is cultivated– Trust-building behaviors including integrity,

accountability, and straight talk – What to do when trust erodes or is broken – Understanding the link between institutional trust

and employee motivation

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“Trust men [and women] and they will be true to you; treat them

greatly and they will show themselves great.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Trust In The Workplace• According to a 2011 Maritz Research poll of

employees: – 25% have less trust in management than they did last year– 7% strongly agree that their senior management’s actions

are completely consistent with their words 12% of employees believe their employer genuinely listens to and cares about its employees

– 14% believe their company’s leader is completely honest and ethical

– 10% trust management to make the right decisions in times of uncertainty

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Trust In The Workplace• In his book, The Speed of Trust, Stephen M.R. Covey

maintains that trust issues place additional time and “drag” on everything in a firm– It drives costs up and profitability down

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Lack Of Trust Equals Lack Of Unity

• Organizations struggle with forming and supporting a unified strategy because of a lack of trust, which shows up as:– An inability to make decisions, or “churn”– Triangulation and “side conversations”– Internal competition vs. external– Unresolved conflict among partners, and inability to move forward and

Fearing retribution if “elephants” are identified– Lack of passion and energy – Not saying anything in a meeting or “disengaging” from participating – Unwillingness to submit to or support group decisions (either via

disengaging or steam-rolling)



High Trust Drives High Performance• High trust companies outperform low trust

companies– Wyatt Watson Survey places this outperformance

at 3x– Russell Investment Group indicates that Fortune

Top 100 Best Companies To Work For outperformed others 4x over a 7-year period

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High Trust Drives High Performance!• High trust organizations outperform their

lower-trust counterparts because they do a better job of:– Executing their strategy– Delivering value– Retaining and deepening client relationships– Innovating– Collaborating– Partnering– Ensuring the loyalty of their people

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Your Role In Trust

• People trust you because of who you are – your character and competence– Competence elements include your experience, soft

and technical skills, proven results• When our performance doesn’t match expectations, trust is

diminished

– Character elements include your integrity, intentions, and motives

• Unfulfilled commitments and undisclosed self interest erode trustThese two components of trust were identified by Stephen M.R. Covey The Speed of Trust: The One Thing That Changes Everything

These course materials have not been prepared, approved, or licensed by any entity associated with Stephen M.R. Covey and ConvergenceCoaching, LLC is not affiliated with Mr. Covey.



Behaviors That Instill Trust• Think of someone you truly trust• Why do you trust them?

– What behaviors does that person demonstrate?– What behaviors do you demonstrate because you

have trust?



Behaviors That Build Trust• Talk straight• Show respect• Create transparency• Right wrongs• Show loyalty• Deliver results• Get better

• Confront reality• Clarify expectations• Practice accountability• Listen first• Keep commitments• Extend trust first

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These components of trust were identified by Stephen M.R. Covey The Speed of Trust: The One Thing That Changes Everything




Poll #2

• Pick one of the 13 trust behaviors that you consistently demonstrate

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― Talk straight― Show respect― Create transparency― Right wrongs― Show loyalty― Deliver results― Get better

― Confront reality― Clarify expectations― Practice accountability― Listen first― Keep commitments― Extend trust first



Poll #3

• Pick one of the 13 trust behaviors that you don’t consistently demonstrate

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― Talk straight― Show respect― Create transparency― Right wrongs― Show loyalty― Deliver results― Get better

― Confront reality― Clarify expectations― Practice accountability― Listen first― Keep commitments― Extend trust first



How Trustworthy Are You?• How well do you demonstrate each of the 13

behaviors to build trust? – Which behavior do you demonstrate consistently

and which behavior do you not demonstrate consistently?

• Complete the Trust Assessment and identify:– Your top and bottom behavior– What changes, actions or new behaviors could you

make to build more trust? • Share your commitments with someone on your team



Trust-Building Behaviors

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Trust Building Behaviors • Integrity is more than “honesty” or “doing the right thing”

and includes:– Keeping commitments – not over-committing and under-delivering– Resetting expectations when commitments cannot be kept

• Accountability is following through on commitments and includes: – Taking responsibility when their “things” are not going as planned– Holding others accountable

• Straight Talk uses candor and honesty in all communications and tells it like it is, and includes:– No beating around the bush– No avoiding difficult subjects

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Breaking Down Character• In his book, The Thin Book of Trust, Charles Feltman

breaks down trust into 4 elements:– Competence – which we’ve discussed and is the easiest

element to distinguish– Reliability – which is showing up consistently, keeping

your commitments and promising and following through– Sincerity – this is defined as meaning what you say, being

honest, talking straight, being credible– Caring – defined as a lack of selfishness, willing to put

others’ needs ahead of your own, generosity, “we” and not “me”



Trust Building Behaviors • Feltman’s Reliability element is very closely tied to

the Integrity of your behavior and includes:– Keeping commitments – not over-committing and under-

delivering– Resetting expectations when commitments cannot be

kept

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Think Before You Commit!• Don’t over-commit and under-deliver• There are other choices:

– Yes, I can commit to this as requested– Yes, I can commit to this but I can’t tackle it until

ALTERNATIVE DATE– I would really like to commit to this, but before I do, I

have to check WHATEVER and I’ll let you know one way or the other BY WHEN

– No, I cannot commit to this at this time



When You Commit, Do So With Clarity• Here is WHAT I’m committing to deliver (specifics of

deliverable or performance)• This is WHEN I’ll have it to you• These are the RESOURCES I NEED to do it (hours,

dollars, materials, people, etc.)

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Reasons or Results?

• Having integrity and being accountable means that you take responsibility for your results – or lack of them

• When results are not achieved, there are always reasons

• Sadly, reasons do not equal results and a lack of performance against an agreed upon goal should be addressed– And in many cases have consequences

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More Reliability/Integrity Behaviors• Gaining ownership commitments• Defining roles• Establishing goals that are clearly

related to your contribution to the firm strategy, assignments, and next steps – we recommend these be quarterly

• Addressing disappointment when expectations are not met

• Taking responsibility when “things” do not go as planned

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Return And Report• Agree on a process to periodically “return and report” status

whether via meetings or e-mail updates– Doing so gives both parties the ability to check status, plow down

roadblocks, and uncover any potential for falling short of your goal– You don’t want to leave others “wondering” how you’re doing

• Write a brief recap for ALL meetings– You’ll ensure clarity on decisions made and actions assigned

(especially yours!) • Engage in straight conversations about unmet commitments or

“reasons” that will not allow you to meet the stated commitment– Don’t “ball drop” or give fuzzy language when making commitments

(i.e. “I’ll try”)– Collaborate on ways to shift plans if things aren’t working

• Agree on new commitments with clear actions and reset expectations with affected parties

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Poll #4

• Which of these ideas are the most difficult for you? (check all that apply) – Making clear commitments and negotiating them

when necessary – Taking sole ownership– Resetting expectations when I am not going to

meet my commitments– Not giving reasons or excuses for my failed

commitments– Reporting my status proactively

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Trust Building Behaviors • Straight Talk is using candor and honesty in all

communications and telling it like it is for you. It ties to both of Feltman’s Sincerity and Caring trust elements. It requires you to stop:– Beating around the bush– Being indirect about your self interest and needs– Avoiding difficult subjects– Being punishing or assumptive

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Talking Straight

• Trust requires honesty (including self-honesty) and straight talk– Straight talk is not “brutal honesty” – there’s nothing

hurtful about it– It’s not about redressing or giving someone the “what for”

– where you are “right” and they are “wrong”• It’s about caring enough about someone and your

relationship with them to overcome your fear and express your insights so you both can improve– Then, you can come to an agreement on how to move

forward constructively

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Approaching The Subject• Be careful to approach disappointments without

acting as if you’re 100% certain of the true cause (character or competency)

• Use one of our two straight-talk approaches:– Identify unmet expectations and start a dialogue about why the

expectations have not been met and what needs to change going forward

– Acknowledge what is working (“keep”), express honest feelings about what is not working (“stop”) and explore what new things can be done going forward to restore the relationship (“start”)

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Example Conversation

• Expectations:– Given that this is your 3rd year of audit, I would have thought that you would

be comfortable preparing for the audit planning meeting, but you seemed to get a late start and then needed a lot of direction. Why is that?

• Keep, Stop, Start:– I have been very happy with the accuracy of the schedules you’ve prepared

and the quality of the deliverables you’ve produced. – Recently, you were assigned the task to prepare for the audit planning

meeting for Client ABC. It seemed that you weren’t sure where to start and it caused a delay in getting the planning meeting calendared.

– In the future, if you are uncertain of your ability to do a task, you need to express it early, versus allowing it to fester and become late.

– How do you feel about that request? And, what part of audit planning preparation are you uncomfortable with?

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Identifying A Trust Breakdown• Identify a relationship where you feel you’ve had a

trust breakdown• Stop and write your thoughts about which of these

four areas (it can be one, more than one or all) may be the cause of the breakdown– Competency– Reliability– Sincerity– Care

• Then, ask yourself if there is anything YOU could have done differently in the exchange to change the outcome



What To Do When Trust Erodes Or Is Broken

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Restoring Trust

• Trust is like a redwood tree – it takes a long time to grow but can be cut down in one act

• When trust is broken due to competence, it’s easier to repair than when it relates to character– When competence is the issue, it is easier to take

responsibility and commit to changed or improved behavior

– When the issue is that of character - such as dishonesty, integrity, caring or motive - it can be more challenging

• And it takes more time to forgive, too

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Being Prepared To Forgive• When trust is broken, forgiveness often needs to

occur to rebuild that trust• Why is it difficult to forgive others? Why do you

struggle with forgiveness?

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Forgiveness

• Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you agree with what they did or that you hold them blameless– Instead, you pardon them for their past grievances and

commit to focus on the present and the future• Forgiving someone allows you to let go of your anger

and pain and move forward• When you forgive someone, you work to see the bright side in

others and have faith in them– You’ll operate from hopeful interpretations about the

other person and his/her actions

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When An Apology Is Due• When you have done something to erode another’s trust,

take responsibility and be forthright about it – Sometimes you need to ask for forgiveness

• Randy Pausch suggests in his book The Last Lecture, there are three parts to an apology:– I’m sorry for [the issue]– A statement about what you’re committed to in terms of behavior

going forward– Find out what you can do to make it better

• Then do what you say you’re going to do and check in – It may take time for the other person to let go of their anger or pain – Take responsibility for their experience and be patient

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"A stiff apology is a second insult. The injured party does not want to be

compensated because he has been wronged; he wants to be healed because

he has been hurt."

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~Gilbert K. Chesterton



Moving On

• Sometimes trust cannot be restored • In those rare cases, forgive the other person

and move on – If you choose to end a relationship, it’s still important to

pardon the other person and let go of anger, resentment and pain

– Otherwise you’ll carry it over into new relationships and approach them with fear and suspicion, which is something we see in a lot of employment and partnership relationships

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Make Trust Institutional

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Develop A Culture Of Trust • You have to be trustworthy – and trusting – as an

individual and firm leader• When you make trust a foundational tenet of your

organization: – Your people will be motivated and engaged – You’ll realize even greater results

• To do so, consider establishing trust as a core value and then explore what you need to do as a team to build trust in the organization



Develop A Culture Of Trust • Hold group discussions about the elements of trust during your

team meetings – Go deep on the individual elements or attributes you agree are required

for trust to exist – i.e. one per meeting• Foster open and honest communication about performance

– Address performance issues as they arise, including those with partners, which means no “rogue” behavior allowed

– Conduct employee surveys to assess how you’re doing, where you can get better and put a plan in place to address those areas

– Ensure it’s safe for problems to be identified and questioning the status quo – no sacred cows!

• Stop triangulating about each other!



Next Steps

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Actions You Can Take To Build Trust• Identify and develop behaviors that promote trust • Practice true integrity, accountability and straight talk in your

relationships• Determine where you can trust others more – then take

appropriate actions to do so • Identify the potential sources of trust breakdowns• Forgive someone who has wronged you and ask someone for

forgiveness• Continually assess how trustworthy and trusting you are using

behaviors that build trust• Look for ways to institutionalize trust



Poll #5

• What one thing will you commit to do out of this discussion to build or restore trust in your relationships: – Choose one of the trust-building behaviors where you can improve to

build (or restore) trust– Work towards integrity, accountability, and straight talk in your

relationships with each other first– Determine where you can trust others more – then take appropriate

actions to do so – Forgive someone who has wronged you and ask someone you have

wronged to forgive you– Other

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Thank You!

• Contact us at any time!

Tamera Loerzel(952) 226-1780

[email protected]://www.linkedin.com/in/tameraloerzel

http://twitter.com/tameraloerzel

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Resources

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ConvergenceCoaching Resources

• ConvergenceCoaching’s web site includes information at:– www.convergencecoaching.com

• Read our Coaching Concepts newsletter: – http://www.convergencecoaching.com/coachingconcepts/

• Visit our blog for posts on these topics: – www.convergencecoaching.com/blog

• Visit our learning center for access to additional courses:– http://www.convergencelearning.com

• Visit us on Facebook: – http://www.facebook.com/convergencecoaching



Blogs And Newsletters

• CoachingConcepts Newsletter – Organizational Trust – Issue 24 Spring 2010 – http://www.convergencecoaching.com/coachingconcepts/

• CoachingConcepts Newsletter – Partner Performance And Accountability – Issue 25 Winter 2010 – http://www.convergencecoaching.com/coachingconcepts/

• “What Does It Cost To Keep A Problem Partner?” by Jennifer Wilson – http://www.cpa2biz.com/Content/media/PRODUCER_CONTENT/

Newsletters/Articles_2010/CPA/Jun/ProblematicPartner.jsp



Accountability and Team Building Resources• Accountability by Rob LeBow and Randy Spitzer • Breakthrough Teams for Breakneck Times by Lisa Gundry and

Laurie LaMantia• Extraordinary Relationships - A New Way of Thinking About

Human Interactions by Roberta M. Gilbert, M.D. • Nuts!: Southwest Airlines' Crazy Recipe For Business and

Personal Success by Kevin Freiberg• The Five Dysfunctions of a Team by Pat Lencioni • The Accountability Factor: The Buck Stops Here by Alan M.

Dobzinski



Trust Resources

• Childhood and Society by Erik H. Erikson• Extraordinary Relationships - A New Way of Thinking About

Human Interactions by Roberta M. Gilbert, M.D. • Identity and the Life Cycle by Erik H. Erikson• Maritz Research Employee Engagement Poll 2011

– http://www.maritz.com/en/Press-Releases/2011/Americans-Still-Lack-Trust-In-Company-Management-Post-Recession.aspx

• The Positive Way at www.positive-way.com• Radical Forgiveness by Colin Tipping• The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch



Trust Resources

• The Psychology of the Child by Jean Piaget and Barbel Inhelder

• The Speed of Trust: The One Thing That Changes Everything by Stephen M.R. Covey

• The Thin Book Of Trust: An Essential Primer for Building Trust at Work by Charles Feltman

• Zero Limits: The Secret Hawaiian System for Wealth, Health, Peace and More by Joe Vitale and Ihaleakala Hew Len

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