Writing Mistakes You're Making

53
Writing Mistakes You're Making By: Lithia

description

Why should you read this? 1. It will improve your writing. 2. It's FOR YOU. (Seriously, YOU. ... Let me reiteratethat one more time: YOU.)3. It will improve your writing.4. It is not boring. 5. It will improve your writing.

Transcript of Writing Mistakes You're Making

Page 1: Writing Mistakes You're Making

Writing Mistakes You're Making

By: Lithia

Page 2: Writing Mistakes You're Making

Preface

Before I start, I want to let you know a couple of things:1. All of the topics are one of three things:

• Problems I’ve noticed in my teen writing wanderings• Things I once had trouble with that I had wished someone would explain to me• Issues people have asked me to elaborate upon

2. There is a Table of Contents for a reason. If you already know about a certain topic, you are allowed to skip it. You are not allowed to be annoyed I covered something easy (see number one of this list). Every single subject will hit home with at least one person, so if that person isn’t you, don’t waste your time. 3. I try to keep the tone throughout this whole thing rather light. I don’t want you to be bogged down by all the knowledge I’m stuffing down your throat; I want you to be interested and learn at the same time. So no, this will not read like a manual on how to fix your radiator, and I don’t want it to read like that. If you need boring, technical stuff, look elsewhere. But if you’d like some humor, by all means, please, read on.

Page 3: Writing Mistakes You're Making

Table of Contents1. Title Page2. Dedication3. Preface4. Table of Contents

6. Chapter One: Grammar/Spelling/Etc.• Spelling Mistakes• Missing Words• Italics v. Underlining• Plurals• Contractions• Getting Possessive• Who/Whose/Who's/Whom (an Eleanor Kirk Guest Lecture)• Who/Whose/Who's/Whom (Simplified Version)• Thee/Thou/Thy/Thine (an Eleanor Kirk Guest Lecture)• Section Exercise

13. Chapter Two: Punctuation• Ending Your Sentence• Ellipses• ‘Quotes’ or “Quotes”?• Ending The Dialogue• Commas, Colons, and Semicolons• Dashes• Parentheses• Hitting the “Enter” Key• Section Exercise

20. Chapter Three: Description• Too Much of It• Adjectives and Adverbs• Bigs Words, Description, and You• Adding Description• When To Describe Characters• Unique Description (an Eleanor Kirk Guest Lecture)• Description That Implies Something• Section Exercise

25. Chapter Four: Dialogue• Ways to Make it Sound More Realistic• Big Words, Dialogue, and You• Differentiating Characters• Word Repetition• Tags: What? Where? Which?• Is Swearing Okay in YA Lit?• Section Exercise

30. Chapter Five: Plot• General Map of a Story

Page 4: Writing Mistakes You're Making

• Specific Exercise: General Map of a Story• Prologue/Epilogue • Be Original!• Cliches• Plot Twists• Foreshadowing• Specific Exercise: Foreshadowing• Deus ex Machinas• Symbolism and Theme• Does My Life = Autobiography?• The Perfect Beginning

38. Chapter Six: Characters• Forward: They’re Important• One of the Biggest Choices You Will Make• Being a Well-Rounded Individual• Understand What Strings You’re Pulling• The Side Show• Section Exercise

42. Chapter Seven: Narration• Your Narrator is a Character Too• Third Person Narration Personality• Drama Queens Are A No-No!• Multiple Viewpoints• Unconventional, or “Poetic,” Sentence Structure• Opposite Gender Voice• Section Exercise

46. Chapter Eight: Poetry• Poetry. What is it?• Rhythm• Do You Want to Rhyme?• Rhyme Schemes• Specific Exercise: Rhyming Schemes• Choosing Rhymes• Free Verse• Finding a Topic

52. Conclusion53. Link Resources54. Referenced Book List

Page 5: Writing Mistakes You're Making

(Chapter ONE)Grammar/Spelling/Etc.

Spelling Mistakes

Spelling mistakes are easily avoided. When you have tons of errors, it’s distracting to the reader, because instead of glancing over the words they have to focus in on them to figure it out. I konw taht tcheniclaly you can siltl raed tihs (who didn’t get that chain message a few years back?) but it’s hrad! This does not mean you need to be a walking dictionary, but if you aren’t able to run it past a spell check to save yourself from “adn” and “theyre” you’ll lose respect for you and your writing. Those red lines are there for a reason – pay attention to them.

If you don’t have a spell check on your word processor, try one of the many websites out there, like Orangoo (this one’s nice because it goes through and highlights all the words spelled wrong, unlike other sites where they just pick out the words from the text and you don’t know where they came from). The online checkers do have a tendency to think contractions are spelled wrong; you should ignore it. Or if there’s one word you’re not sure of, type it into Google; it will ask you “did you mean to say ‘insert word’?” if you spelled it wrong.

Missing Words

Leaving words out is a common problem. Unfortunately, it is not something your spell check will save you from, but it is really important to proofread for it because reading sentences where you left a word out is annoying. We, the readers, do notice, so take the time. The trick here is you have to do it slowly, and not all at once –– you have to take frequent breaks. If you’re reading too fast or it’s been a while since you started, your mind starts to go blank and it automatically fills in the missing words so you don’t notice they’re not there. Really, it’s a crazy mind voodoo trick that happens to the best of us!

Italics v. Underlining

Okay, take a deep breath now...ready? There is an important decision you need to make.Italics or underlining? You don’t get both. If you underline the book titles you mention in the story, you underline important words of emphasis. If you italicize the book titles, you italicize the important words. It is becoming more and more common/standard to use italics, though you can still technically get away with underline. I say “technically” because I can’t remember the last time I saw underlining used in a book, and personally I think it looks a little amateur. So if you want to fit in, use italics. (Cave into the peer pressure. Cave!)

Plurals

We learned about these at a very young age, but some of us need to do some brushing up. The plural form is used to show you have more than one of a noun.

Example: I own a bunny. My bunny had babies. Here, “bunny” is singular (I own a bunny –– “a” means one) and “babies” is plural.

To make a word plural is fairly simple. If the word ends in pretty much anything, you add “s.”

Example: “Wallet” turns to “wallets.”

Page 6: Writing Mistakes You're Making

“Tree” turns to “trees.”“Right” turns to “rights.”

The most common exception to the add-s rule is when a word ends in “y.” If the word ends in consonant-y, you change the “y” to “ies.”

Example: “Sky” turns to “skies.” “Fly” turns to “flies.”

If the word ends in vowel-y, you add “s.”

Example: “Monkey” turns to “monkeys.”“Key” turns to “keys.”

Follow these general rules, and the spell check I know you're going to use before putting your work out there will catch the few mistakes should there be any.

Side Note: Of course every rule in the English language is going to have it's exceptions (because us Americans are cool like that) and that is included with plurals. For example, certain words like “deer” and “fish” are both the singular and the plural form of the word (though some people claim that “fishes” is appropriate –– personally I think it sounds a tad silly), and it's not “gooses,” its “geese.” But the good news is there aren't many of these exceptions, and if you speak English they're most likely already built into your vocabulary.

Side Side Note: The plural of “moose” is not “meese,” despite the fact that it rhymes with “goose.” “Moose” is both plural and singular.

Contractions

I can’t go further because it’s so hard to act like I haven’t ever seen something resembling a frog, although I guess it’s not that I can’t, but that I won’t, and I’m only now realizing this sentence doesn’t make any sense, because I was trying too hard to work in contractions.

(Did anyone else find themselves unable to fully comprehend that sentence because they were reading all the italics like they were emphasized? Really? Good, I’m not alone.)

Basically contractions are when you shove two words together because humans are lazy and don’t like putting in any more effort than they have to. You might not have known what a “contraction” was before, but I guarantee you’ve used them (if not in your writing, in your everyday speech). They are not the same thing as possessives (see next section) even though they both use apostrophes (the little comma that floats in the air).

The most common contractions are...pretty much all of them. There are only a limited number of contractions people use –– you can’t slap two words together for the heck of it –– and you should be familiar with almost all of them.

Example: “I’m” “I’d” “I’ve” “She’d” “They’ve” “Couldn’t” “Should’ve” “Didn’t” “Shan't”

So you get the point here, I’m assuming? Good, ‘cause I don’t want to go through the entire list. Essentially, if you’ve said it before, it’s probably a contraction and you’re allowed to use it. Don’t mix contractions up with possessives, and you’re golden.

Getting Possessive

Page 7: Writing Mistakes You're Making

Possessives. When you state something belongs to something else.

Example: I love Emily’s cookies. “Emily’s cookies.” They are the cookies owned by Emily, so they

are Emily’s cookies.

If you want to make something possessive, you add either apostrophe-s or an apostrophe.

Apostrophe-s is for singular nouns, and an apostrophe is for plural nouns.

Example: Emily’s cookies are enjoyed by her classmates’ hungry stomachs.

So that’s all nice and simply, right? There are, however, the exceptions (when isn’t there one in the

complicated world of the English language?). And they would be most relative pronouns. Who's

means “who is,” while the possessive form of “who” is “whose.” “His” is possessive, “her” is

possessive, “their” is possessive, and “my” is possessive. Most of these are built into your brain by

now though, so they shouldn't be an issue.

The exception that does tend to be an issue, however, is “its.” This is because, if you were to follow

the normal possessive rules, the possessive of “it” would be “it’s.” See the problem? “It’s” is the

contracted form of “it is.” And we can’t have “it’s” meaning two different things! No, that would

lead to mass confusion and hysteria. Instead, when we want to use the possessive form of it, we

write “its,” sans apostrophe.

Who/Who's/Whose/Whom (an Eleanor Kirk Guest Lecture)

Forward (Lithia talking here): While this section is incredibly informative, it will most likely seem confusing to people who never learned direct and indirect objects in sentences. So if you know what those are read on, and if not, I recommend you read WHO/WHO'S/WHOSE/WHOM (SIMPLIFIED VERSION), which will cover who/who's/whose/whom in a slightly less complicated manner.

If you know Latin (or Greek), you won’t have a problem with this—in fact, you probably already

know it and don’t even need this.

Most people (and I used to do this too—don’t worry) see “whom” and balk. It looks smart to use it,

but when the fudge-cake do we use it? The problem is, using “whom” carries the same prestige as

mastering the semicolon: if you get it right, everybody thinks you’re a genius. If you get it wrong,

everybody else who doesn’t know how to use it correctly thinks you’re a genius, but those who do

know how to use it correctly think you’re an idiot and (here’s a secret for you) don’t take you

seriously as writers. It’s that bad. In fact, it’s like using a gargantuan word when you clearly have no

idea what it means but it comes up top on the list of MS Word’s wonderful “synonyms” feature.

Page 8: Writing Mistakes You're Making

That’s probably enough introduction to this deadly serious matter. If you’re terrified already, I do

apologize. It wasn’t my intention… well, maybe it was, because it means you’ll actually bother to

use “who/whose/whom” correctly.

Normally, the problem actually seems to be that people just think: “‘Whom.’ Scary. Ooh, I’m not

using that.” They look at it like it’s an unpinned grenade for a few seconds and then flee as fast as

they can in the opposite direction. Failing that, they just miss out all forms of “who” whatsoever, or

replace it (the safe option) with “that.” The “who/whose/whom” family tree is actually extremely

simple.

1. “Who” only ever refers to the subject of the sentence, or the subject of the relative clause.

2. “Whose” is possessive.

3. “Who’s” is short for “who is.”

4. “Whom” refers to everything else.

See? It’s extremely simple.

E.g. of 1.

1 a) “Who are you?”

“You” is the subject of the sentence, so here, it is correct to use “who.”

1 b) Wilhelmina stared at the man who had just killed her father.

“The man” is the subject of the relative clause “who had just killed her father,” and, since this is

distinguishing this particular man as opposed to all the other gents in the world as the killer, it

doesn’t need to be subordinated.

1 c) Felicity hit Bob, who had just bitten her.

Without discussing the fact that Bob might just have rabies, “who” is, again, referring to the subject

of the relative clause: Bob. Who bit Felicity? Bob. Got that? Good.

E.g. of how to get 1. drastically wrong.

1 d) So you’re the person who Sandy was telling me about

Wrong! Sandy is the subject of the relative clause, and “you” is the object, so “who” ought to be

“whom” to agree with that (it declines, see?).

1 e) Who is Ben speaking to?

Page 9: Writing Mistakes You're Making

Wrong! Ben is the subject of the sentence. Anything else must therefore be the object, and so the

“who” must be as well—which means it ought to be “whom.” In any case, “to whom” is dative (to

whom am I speaking?), and so the “whom” form has to be used anyway.

1 f) Joanna looked at the dog who was swimming in the lake

Wrong! “Who” is a relative pronoun used only to refer to people, or, if you’re writing an animal

story or something where some other species replaces humans, personified objects/creatures. Non-

human things adopt the relative pronoun “which.” Thus, this sentence ought correctly to be:

“Johanna looked at the dog which was swimming in the lake.”

E.g. of 2.

2 a) “Whose bag is this?”

It’s somebody’s bag.

2 b) I chased after Michelle, whose blonde curls were retreating into the distance.

They are Michelle’s blonde curls.

2 c) Brendan forgot to check whose house he was breaking into.

Yup, Brendan’s a thief, but let’s ignore that. The house belongs to somebody—that’s a lot more

important.

E.g. of how to bring the world crumbling down around your ears.

2 d) I admire Agatha Christi, whose the greatest author of all time—in my opinion, at least.

(Not actually my opinion, since I’ve only read one of her books and don’t feel I have enough

material to judge this.) Anyways, wrong! The “whose/who’s” you want here is the “who is” version,

because Agatha Christi is not owning anything in this sentence, so it's not possessive. She

is being something –– "the greatest author of all time" –– therefore you need the being verb, 'is.'

E.g. of 3.

3 a) “Who’s going to come with me?”

The basic question is “who is coming?”

3 b) Mandy didn’t realise that she was being interviewed by Chris de Brucke, who’sapparently the

most famous historian in the world,

Page 10: Writing Mistakes You're Making

(He isn’t, just to clarify. I don’t think he exists….) Chris de Brucke is, apparently, the most famous

historian in the world.

How to set the Grammar Nazis on your tail:

3 c) Percival had finally had the privilege of meeting the Queen, who’s smiling face—

No. That reads “Percival had finally had the privilege of meeting the Queen, who is smiling face

—”. Is the Queen really smiling face? I doubt it. Most likely, it’s the Queen’s smiling face (i.e. the

face belonging to the Queen) that something-or-other-that-completes-the-remainder-of-that-

sentence.

3 d) “Who’s Tyler and Jackson?” Bonnie asked.

Come on—even the computer knows that one’s wrong. Remember, “who’s” is short for “who is.”

Tyler + Jackson = two or more people as subject of sentence, therefore the verb must be plural. “is”

= singular: “are” = plural. Tyler + Jackson therefore must require something > or = “are.” Only

possible solution = “are.” Tyler + Jackson + who + are + and [rearranged] = Who + are + Tyler +

and + Jackson? “Who are Tyler and Jackson” also = “Who’re Tyler and Jackson?”

Q.E.D.

(For anybody who didn’t follow that, it was mathematical, and “Q.E.D.” stands for the Latin of

“thus it is proved.”)

E.g. of 4.

4 a) Brett looked at the man whom he’d just fallen over.

The man is the object of the relative clause. Brett is the subject. Brett has just fallen over the man.

Therefore “who,” since it is referring to “the man,” must, in fact, be “whom.”

4 b) Sally pinched the bridge of her nose, trying not to think about the mangled body of the man

she’d found, the sight of whom had severely distressed her.

It’s the sight of the man, and Sally’s the one getting distressed. “The sight” is therefore the subject

of the relative clause, since it’s doing the distressing. “Of whom” is genitive, meaning that it can’t

have anything to do with governing the verb, which means that it can’t be the subject of the clause

and therefore can’t be in the nominative.

4 c) To whom does this belong?

Page 11: Writing Mistakes You're Making

Might not be clear in this sentence, but it would be a lot clearer in Latin: the actual syntax would

require it to be rearranged as follows: “this belongs to whom?” = “this” is the subject of the

sentence, which means that it’s governing the belonging, and “who” or any variants thereof

therefore cannot be the subject of the sentence, which automatically means that they must be

rendered in a “whom” version. It’s actually very simple when you think of it like that.

4 d) “I got attacked last night,” said Mary.

“By whom?” demanded John.

This is actually an example of ellipsis, believe it or not. An ellipsis is something left out of a

sentence that is inferred into it, and the “…” symbol that we use means that we can get away with

even more fragmented sentences. John’s question is “by whom were you attacked?” “You” (i.e.

Mary) is therefore the subject of the sentence, governing a passive verb, and since “who/whom”

therefore cannot be the subject of the sentence, it’s “whom.” Not to mention that, in this case,

because of the passive verb and “by,” “whom” is acting as the agent by which the verb was done. If

a noun or pronoun is acting as agent, it cannever be the subject of the sentence, however much it

might look like it.

Basically, if “who” cannot refer to the subject of the sentence or the subject of the relative clause, it

has to be something else. Usually “whom.” You’ll probably be able to tell if it’s supposed to be

“who’s” because you’ll be missing a verb somewhere, and likewise, it’s usually fairly obvious when

it’s “whose” because you have a possessive idea (hopefully not as possessive as Gollum over the

Ring).

No. Just no. On 4.

4 e) Whom are you?

FAIL. If you understood what was going on beforehand, I probably don’t need to explain this to

you.

4 f) To who it may concern

Since everybody knows this expression, if you missed out the “m” here, nobody would take you

seriously. Since it’s directed to somebody, it’s dative (the subject of “this is directed…” is inferred),

and consequently it has to take the “whom” form.

Note: People will start to look at you a little weirdly if you say grammatically correct things like

“whom do I have the pleasure of meeting?” This is largely because most people don’t know how to

Page 12: Writing Mistakes You're Making

use “whom” properly (you can tell they’ve never studied Latin or Greek), and so they just use

“who” all the time instead. It’s grammatical abuse, but it’s become relatively acceptable to use

“who” rather than “whom” most of the time.

Who/Who's/Whose/Whom (Simplified Version)

Who: This one everyone knows. Who is one of those infamous question words (i.e., who, what, when, where, why, how). You only use “who” as the subject of the sentence or its relative clause.

“Who is that?” –– Fairly straightforward. “Amber married John, who doesn't know left from right.” –– This is what I mean by “relative

clause.” “Amber married John” is the sentence, and then the next bit is the relative clause (as in an extra bit that further explains what's going on in the sentence –– it is relative information to the sentence). “Who” is the subject of the second bit.

Who's: This is the contracted form of “who is.” As in, take out the “who's” and replace it with “who is” and it should still make sense. If it doesn't, you're doing it wrong.

“Who's swimming across the lake?” –– “Who is swimming across the lake?” “She's the one who's married.” –– “She's the one who is married.”

Whose: This is one of those possessive rule exceptions. Instead of writing “who's” to show the possession of who, because we're already using “who's” already as a contraction, we use “whose.” Other than that though, it acts exactly like all other possessives.

“Riley was chatting up Michaela, whose giggling was really starting to get on my nerves.” –– The giggling belonging to who? The giggling belonging to Michaela.

“Whose brilliant idea was it to let Kanye chug three beers right before the awards ceremony.” –– The brilliant idea belonging to who? The brilliant idea belonging to Kanye.

Whom: Um...this one is rather difficult to explain. While technically it’s used instead of “who” as the object of a verb or preposition, basically if it doesn't fall under one of the above three, it's “whom”. So instead of “who” performing the action, the action is being performed on “whom.”

“Whom did he want to marry?” –– “Who” doesn’t want to marry someone, “he” does. “He” is the subject of the sentence. When “who” isn't the subject, it’s “whom.”

“Her father, in whom she confided, didn’t find it all that interesting.” –– “Who” is not confiding in someone, “she” is. “She” is the subject of the sentence, not “who.” So it’s “whom.”

Thee/Thou/Thy/Thine (an Eleanor Kirk Guest Lecture)

I was reading a manga recently in which some character was evidently speaking in an archaic manner, but the poor translator blatantly didn’t have a clue that there’s a difference between “thee” and “thou.” Now, I’m not expecting anybody to be using this in a book unless they have some character who pops up from the Middle Ages, but it might be interesting for some of you to know.

Those of you who have studied French will know that there are two forms of “you”—the polite, formal form, and the colloquial form. The polite, formal form is “vous” (also plural) and the colloquial form is “tu.” In English, the difference between “thee” and “you” was identical (originally) and—shock horror—we managed to axe the colloquial version. We are all addressing our peers and irritating little siblings as though they are of much higher standing than us.Yup, if you were getting close to somebody, you’d switch from “you” (Michael, I love you) to

Page 13: Writing Mistakes You're Making

“thee” (Michael, I love thee). Apparently. But that’s enough of that.

Just to make things simple, this is the way the “thee” family works (I’m comparing them to their counterparts in “who”).Who = thouWhom = theeWho’s = thou art (or th’art)Whose = thy/thine

So… technically, we should order it “thou thee” when we’re talking about “thee thou thy,” but it just doesn’t sound nearly as good. “Thou” is referring to “you” as the subject of the sentence, e.g. “thou art a fool.” (In normal English, it’s “you’re a fool.”) “Thou” governs the verb in the sentence. “Thee” takes the same role as “whom”—provided it’s not referring to the subject of the sentence and it’s not possessive (my precioussssssssss), it should always be “thee”. E.g. “I envy thee” or “it can only be done by thee, young padawan” or “to whom shall I give this polished new book? Cornelius, to thee.” <- and yes, I probably did miss out a few words in that translation of “cui dono,” but never mind.

Thy and thine… well, “thy” is possessive. That’s simple. So is “thine.” That’s also simple. What’s not quite so simple is which one to use where.

Fortunately, it’s not nearly as confusing as it might at first seem. Again, to anybody who’s done Greek, it’s dead easy—it’s like a paregoric “nu.” To anybody who’s done French, equally, and remembers that it’s “mon amie” rather than “m’amie,” it’s really not going to seem at all hard. And, to be honest, if you know when to use “an” rather than “a,” you really shouldn’t have trouble with this at all. You use “thy” the vast majority of the time. You use “thine” when the next word begins with a vowel or silent “h,” hence the words of the Mendelssohn motet “Lift thine Eyes.” You also use it in the same places that, referring to yourself, you would use “mine,” e.g. “that’s thine!”

And MS Word doesn’t recognize “thine” as an existing word… fail.

Side Note: Oh, and on the subject of old vocabulary, “from whence” is utterly, utterly wrong. It’s just “whence,” plain and simple. “Whence” means “from where.” If you say “from whence,” you’re effectively saying “from from where,” which just makes you look a little silly.

Section Exercise

When you’re not finding these kind of errors (the grammatical ones), and it’s only the second or third time you’ve read something, it’s because you’re reading it so often that it has turned your brain to mush. Trust me, the mistakes are there –– you’re glossing over them without realizing it. Should you refuse to show your work to another pair of eyes to correct (a great idea unless those eyes belong to my father) do one of two things:Wait an hour or two (do something else entertaining to take your mind off of it) and come back to it. Or you can print it out and read it on paper. Oftentimes the difference in media will make it easier to spot things, and you get to use a red pen! (Whenever I use a red pen to correct things I get this little kind of thrill, hence the exclamation point ––I chalk it up to my genetic desire to following in the footsteps of the long line of professors in my family: my father, and pretty much every other adult from his side of the family at least three generations back have all been/are professors. As I get older the itch to correct other people’s work grows stronger...but I digress.)

Page 14: Writing Mistakes You're Making

(Chapter TWO) Punctuation

Ending Your Sentence

Who can put the proper punctuation in each sentence?

“I-I don’t know what to do_” A tear ran down her cheek and she rested her head on my shoulder. “It’s all so hard_”

“You did what with the car_” Katie cowered over me, her hand twitching like it wanted to slap me. I didn’t know what to say; how do you explain to someone that to save the world you had to drive their car into the lake?

She stood up in front of the huge crowd, desperately trying to get their attention before calling out, “I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY, PEOPLE_”

Good job people (I’m assuming you got them all right), it was period, period, question mark, exclamation point!

Now for the specifics: the end of your sentences...in fact, the end of all sentences (sorry, no, you’re not special) get some type of punctuation. That punctuation can be a period, or an exclamation point, or a question mark. But that’s it.

Side Note: You are allowed to have question marks and exclamation points in the middle of a sentence –– no it’s not common and the practice is dying out, but you are allowed. (No periods though.)

The most common issue is not that you don’t end your sentence with punctuation, it’s that you do it with the wrong punctuation. Here’s a quick walk through:

Statements get periods.

Example: I have a brown dog. You look nice today. Monkeys have tails.

Exclamation points are for emphasize. In dialogue, exclamation points only end the sentence if there is shouting involved. (I doubt there would be any exclamation points in the narration, but if there are, they should be sparse; usually the narrator’s job is not to shout at the reader.) If you read your character’s dialogue out loud, and you are shouting a line, then it warrants an exclamation point. If you read a line and you are screaming, screaming so loud the neighbors should be able to hear you, then you may use caps and an exclamation point. You never use more than one exclamation point. It brings up an unwanted facebook feeling of “omgggg that’s sooo amazing!!!!!”

Example: I have never seen such a pathetic piece of dog poo try to pass for an essay!If you’re cheating with her, you might as well be cheating with the entire colony of aliens!MANGOS DON’T GO IN THE FREEZER YOU IDIOT!

Question marks are easy. You use them when you’re asking a question (go figure).

Page 15: Writing Mistakes You're Making

Example: “Did you eat your dog just then?”“Did you see me eat my dog just then?”“How on earth did you eat an entire dog?”

Question mark + exclamation point = facebook. It’s not as bad as the “omgggg,” so you can get away with it maybe once, or twice, but if you’re a good writer and you work on it, you should be able to make it known the question is being shouted without using the exclamation point. Make it a goal to steer clear.

(Some of you may be saying now, “Oh wise one, you forgot one! What about the ellipse?” But do not worry young grasshopper; I did not forget the ellipse. Because ellipses do not end a sentence....)

Ellipses

Ellipses are those three little dots you use when you want to pause.... Well, there are three when you have an ellipse in the middle of a sentence...like that. But if it’s the end of a sentence, you have four dots, because you can’t end a sentence with an ellipse, so you have your three dots for the ellipse, and then one final dot for the period, or question mark, or exclamation point.

Example: “I’m rather freaked out by your dog eating abilities....”“You shouldn’t be freaked out! I can...I can make you forget everything....” “No...no! Get away from me! Nooo....”

Ellipses can appear several ways:

“...” – Pre-composed ellipse character (made by your word processor should it be advanced enough)“ . . . “ – Space, period, space, period, space, period, space“...” – Period, period, period

They are all common practice, but which is the best?

Well, when writing for you and me is concerned, the easiest and best thing to do is the three, connected dots, like you’re writing three periods. The pre-composed ellipse character can be used as well, which puts a little extra space in there, but unless your word processor does it for you automatically, it isn't necessary. It takes to long to put in manually, and with most smaller fonts it isn't even noticeable, so why put in the extra effort? Some people like doing it like this " . . . " as in books, but it's an older style, and it could lead to problems with the ellipse getting split between two lines of text (you'd have to do special work on it to make sure it doesn't break).

'Quotes' or "Quotes"?

I need to make a distinction, to clear something up. When you quote something in narration, you use “quotes,” you do not use ‘quotes.’ The only time you use ‘quotes’ is when you are quoting something within another quotation.

Side Note: Alright, if I'm being perfectly honest, you can use 'quotes' in narration if you really want too; no one will stake you for it, but it looks much better when it's all uniform.

Example: “My teacher told me, in like, the bitchiest voice ever, ‘you should spell out numbers in a sentence,’ but I hate doing that because it takes up so much time. Oh well, I guess I have to, even if she was so mean about it,” said Mary Jane.

Page 16: Writing Mistakes You're Making

Now, to get all deep on you, when you are quoting something in a quotation in a quotation, you go back to “quotes.” It’s a back-and-forth thing. Like how not-not means “yes,” and not-not-not means “no.”

Example: “I hate going to the movies. One time, there was this guy who was yelling at the screen, ‘all of you monkeys don’t know how to talk! Animals don’t say “ooh-ohh ahh-ahh,” they say English words!’ and throwing popcorn at it, which I found entirely unnecessary, especially seeing as that statement is false,” John told me as we skated around the rink.

Ending The Dialogue

Ending your dialogue isn’t as hard as it’s cracked up to be. You need to remember this simple fact: quotes do not define a sentence. The end of a sentence defines a sentence. Here, let me break it down for you:

When you are writing dialogue, you are quoting what each person has said. Lots of people think when writing dialogue, rules that apply to quotes don’t apply, simply because it’s dialogue. Nope. Not the case. You are still using quotes, and thus you need to work using the same rules. Here are a few “yes” and “no” situations.

Example: NO! “I want a cookie”, she said. YES! “I want a cookie,” she said.

Here, like with regular quotes, punctuation goes inside the quotes.

Example: NO! “I love elephants.” He said. YES! “I love elephants,” he said.

When the tiny bit at the end of dialogue is stating who spoke, as in “he said,” it is not its own sentence, and thus you connect the quote and the “he said” with a comma, exclamation point, or question mark. (But not a period, because as we all know, periods only come at the end of a sentence.)

So you understand why tags get commas instead of periods. Good, but what about when the sentence after the dialogue doesn’t say who spoke? That’s when it gets to be it’s own sentence.

Example: NO! “Yes, I will marry you,” she hugged him. YES! “Yes, I will marry you.” She hugged him. NO! “What are you doing?” he looked at me questioningly. YES! “What are you doing?” He looked at me questioningly.

Key things to remember:-Dialogue is quoted speech-”he said” “she answered” “he replied” are not entire sentences-Connect dialogue and tags with a comma, question mark, or exclamation point

Commas, Colons, and Semicolons

If you didn’t know, there are differences between commas, colons, and semicolons. It's only logical, seeing as if there were no difference two of them wouldn’t exist.

Commas:

Page 17: Writing Mistakes You're Making

If you have a list of three or more items, you use a comma.

Example: I’d like a meatball sandwich, mozzarella sticks, some deep fried butter, and two orders of onion rings, please. Oh, and a diet coke – I’m trying to watch my weight.

If you have an exclamation (short word like “hey” or “oh”) or a name before your sentence, you use a comma.

Example: “No, I don’t think that’s true.” “Oh, but it is.” “Lucy, knock some sense into this boy! He thinks Atlantis is the world’s largest supplier of frog legs. Frogs don’t even live in Atlantis!”

If you have a place where when reading the sentence out loud you naturally pause, you use a comma. (This is known as the Oxford comma, in that it serves no grammatical purpose, and is only used stylistically.)

Example: If you have a place where when reading the sentence out loud you naturally pause, you use a comma. Here there is no reason to have a comma other than I wanted you to pause there. When I visited the museum it was so dark that all my friends were scared...well, except for Lucy, seeing as she could charge a polar bear with no fear, and live to tell the tale. In this second example, the first two commas are necessary and the last one is not necessary.

Side Note: That sentence in the example would read better without that last unnecessary comma.

If you have a sub-clause in your sentence, you use a comma. This is basically an added bit of information that, if taken out of the sentence, would not cause the sentence to stop making sense. It offers more detail, but it isn’t needed for the sentence to remain correct.

Example: Herbert, who had never had a girlfriend before in his life, was suddenly getting hit on by the Prom Queen. (Herbert was suddenly getting hit on by the Prom Queen.)When you stop eating the chalk, which will probably be never, you can kiss me. (When you stop eating chalk you can kiss me.)I placed my book into the bag, you know, the one with gold and silver enamel, and hurried off to Gerald’s place. (I placed my book into the bag, and hurried off to Gerald's Place.)

Colons:

When you state or clarify what the following bit of information is going to be, you use a colon.

Example: Alright, this is what she said to me: “Bernard, I don’t think you’re quirky enough.” Now what the frickawickalick is that supposed to mean?Jennifer has gone missing again. So she is in one of two places: the Joe’s Circus Store, or the Christmas Crackers Factory. Items on my grocery list: raw eggs, unmelted chocolate, baked donuts, and cheese-whiz.

Semicolons:

If you want to link two sentences, you use a semicolon. So you are only allowed to use a semicolon when, if you were to put a period there instead, the one sentence would turn into two complete sentences.

Page 18: Writing Mistakes You're Making

Example: “It’s high time you visit the munchkins, my dear; after all, what other use could you have for your time now that the Lollipop Gargoyles have been captured and punished for their crimes?” “But nanny, it’s terribly boring over there with the munchkins; I’d much rather go visit the Chocolate Frog King.”“That’s not an option, dear; you have certain obligations as the Sugar Plum Princess.”

If you are using commas for some reason while listing items, you then use semicolons instead of commas to separate the items in the list.

Example: I've recently lost several of my pets: two cats, Amy and Giselle; three dogs, Barkers, Yolanda, and Eeyore; and my dear lizard, Harold.Side Note: You have the choice to capitalize the first word after a colon or not. Please though, don’t go switching it up on me. Consistency is key.

Dashes

A lot of us have issues with them –– we don't know when we've got an en dash (–), an em dash (––), or a hyphen (-). They are three different things, and chances are, a lot of you didn't even know an en dash and a hyphen aren't the same length. Well, here's what I'll do ('cause I'm so nice): I'll give you each type and how to produce it on your keyboard, as well as where it's used and an example. Sound good? Alright, let's get started:

1. En dash: This gets its name from the fact that it is one "N" long, where En is a typographical unit almost as wide as a "N." You use an en dash when you're listing a range of values. So you'd use it for listing the score of last night's football game, or for things like distances. You can get this on your keyboard by hitting option - (hyphen sign) if you're a mac, or if you're a PC, the ASCII code is "& 1 5 0 ;"(without the spaces).

Example: Gosh, my New York–Paris flight took way longer than expected! Snow on both ends, would you believe it?

2. Em dash: This gets its name from the fact that it is almost one "M" long –– same thing as "en" but with "em." You get the idea. A person may find themselves using an em dash for several reasons.

• For parenthetical purposes (i.e., the exact same thing as parentheses). Example: I think if I ran a marathon –– not that I ever would –– it'd take me about four years. Or: I think if I ran a marathon––not that I ever would––it'd take me about four years.

• To indicate a stutter in dialogue. Example: “I––I never knew you liked Katie. M––married...that––that's...wow.” I faltered with my words; my tongue felt like sandpaper; it was grit in my mouth and nothing seemed to come out sounding as confident as I'd intended.

• To indicate a premature change in the sentence (i.e., you are cutting off one sentence to start another).

Example: “So I'm chatting it up with Bobs, yeah, and he's acting all stupid and shit, and I'm just like, sitting there, you know? Wondering why––woah, what was that?” Kate's head spun in the opposite direction as some sort of large maroon flying apparatus flew past us.

• To indicate that a character has been interrupted from finishing their sentence. Example: “I only wanted to say tha––”

Side Note: I have been wanting to use the word “apparatus” in an example for the longest time...and

Page 19: Writing Mistakes You're Making

I finally did!

So if you could replace the dashes with parenthesis, they should be em dashes. You can produce the em dash by hitting option - - (hyphen sign twice) if you're a mac, or if you're a PC, the ASCII code is "& 1 5 1 ;"(without the spaces). Note: the use of spaces before and after each em dash is up to you, though most people agree that spaces look prettier.

3. Hyphen: Alright, so this is the one you've likely heard of, not to mention it's on the keyboard (in the form of the minus sign)! Well, a hyphen is used when joining two words to make a compound adjective, adverb, or verb. Simple enough, right? Careful though, this does not mean words like "eyewitness" should be "eye-witness." It can be tricky to know which words have hyphens and which don't. If you have a built in spell check on your computer or word processor, there's no problem, but if not, you'll have to look the word up in a dictionary (luckily there are online ones) to be sure.

Example: The well-known celebrity's dog died, causing petitions from her fans to institute a national holiday in the dog's honor.

Parentheses

For any of you who are from across the pond, parentheses are (these). One = parenthesis; a pair = parentheses. You’ve encountered them before, and you’ve most likely used them in your own writing. They’re used like dashes, for interjecting information.

Example: I woke up and tumbled onto the floor (I was a little drunk).

You can put parentheses inside a sentence or outside a sentence, whichever you’d like. It’s almost entirely up to go. The general rule is that if the information inside the parentheses is a sub-clause, meaning it could not stand on its own as a sentence, you put it inside the sentence. If it's a sentence within itself, it can go outside or inside the main sentence.

Note: A large number of parentheses are used for interjecting humorous quips, and these tend to work better going within sentences instead of on their own, as it emphasizes the connection. Rather like the difference between using a semicolon and using a period. It all affects the flow of things.

Example: I didn’t know that (I bet she didn’t either). I didn’t know that. (I bet she didn’t either.)

Now, the main issue is not that people use parentheses (although some do have a bit of an addiction with them, which they should really try to break), but that they use incorrect punctuation in relation to the parentheses.

As far as commas and parentheses go, you never ever put a comma in front of a parenthesis, but if it makes sense to put in a comma afterwards you may do so. If you can’t tell whether or not a comma would be appropriate, read the sentence without the parentheses and see if you need a pause there.

Example: Wow, the water sure is wet (unlike normally, when it’s dry as the Sahara), but I guess I’ll go swimming anyways.

When your parentheses are only part of the sentence and it’s at the end, you put the period outside

Page 20: Writing Mistakes You're Making

the parenthesis.

Example: I love chocolate, so much so that my aunt would sent me a giant chocolate duck to eat every Easter (and a chocolate Santa for Christmas).

When the parentheses surround the entire sentence, you place the period inside the parentheses.

Example: Why does the world have to be so cruel? (I was being rhetorical there, no need to answer the question.)

If, however, what’s in your parentheses calls for a question mark or an exclamation point, you can put that in as well as the punctuation outside the parentheses at the end of the sentence.

Example: He looked a little sweaty (who wouldn’t after a six mile run?), but I kissed him anyway.My father told me today that Canadians love red beans (personally, I hate them with a fiery passion!).

Oh, and don’t forget if it’s part of a sentence, you do not capitalize the first word.

Hitting the “Enter” Key

When do you hit the enter key? At the end of a paragraph. Voila.

Section Exercise

Copy and paste a section of your work onto a new document. Then do a search for all periods, exclamation points, commas, etc. and delete them. Then, go through and rewrite the punctuation wherever you see fit. This exercise works well if you want to look at your text in a new way, or take a break from writing but keep in the “writing head.” It's also great if you aren't sure about your Oxford comma usage and maybe want to see if different comma-combinations would work better.

Page 21: Writing Mistakes You're Making

(Chapter THREE) Description

Too Much of It

Descriptions are great, but a lot of you have too many. I love reading about what I’m seeing, but there comes a point when I get bored. You’re spending multiple paragraphs telling me about walking down a street, and it’s so overwhelming it’s underwhelming. Point blank, your reader stops caring. And if you want to fix this, as some say, you need to be a word poacher.

If you describe something once, don’t do it again. For example, yes, please tell us the lights are shining like a million tiny stars gathered from the heavens, but don’t tell us they shine with the brilliance of a thousand suns two sentences later. We got the imagery the first time around, and the second time you mention it, you sound like you’re trying too hard.

I have a specific memory of being in third grade and the teacher writing the word “vivid” on the chalkboard. She spent about five minutes explaining the word to use and then said she wanted it to describe all of our stories. The point she was getting at was to write in as much detail as you possibly can. We are older now guys, and we are wiser. If eighty percent of your story is description, I will notice, and you will not get the same smiley sticker on your paper as you did way back when. If you have moved on from twins Polly and Dolly riding a magic unicorn to the Tree of Wisdom to save their mother’s life, you have moved on from overusing description. (Fun fact: I wrote that story about Polly and Dolly in the fourth grade –– it was five pages longer than anyone else's, and I got a perfect score.)

Adjectives and Adverbs

These words go hand and hand with description, as they literally are what you use to tell the reader what things are. The most common problem I've seen is using this tool too frequently. If you’re describing things in lists, you have too many adjectives.

Example: Her hair was shiny, thick, and the perfect shade of blonde, cascading down her back effortlessly in golden, light brown, and silver streaked waves. No. Her hair was blonde and wind-tousled. Yes.

If you look at your work and there are a lot of “ly” words, those are the adverbs, and you don’t need them. I promise you, it’s just taking up space. Okay, you don't need all of them. A few are fine, but be selective –– which are the most important? And which don't add anything (they're redundant)? (Fun fact: If you want to say an “ly” word in French, about sixty-five percent of the time you’ll be right if you say the word in English with “ment” at the end. For instance: normalement, usualement, absolument.)

Example: I bounced rapidly up and down with enthusiasm. It was so amazingly wonderful to be there; I was practically having a spaz attack in front of the whole world. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a man standing creepily off in the corner, but then I saw Betsey walking towards me quickly, and I forgot all about the way he was oddly rubbing his hands together. I ran towards her excitedly and was anxiously confused for a moment when she vanished completely. I arrived at the spot she had been in quickly, and looked down. In Betsey’s place, sitting placidly, was a green frog. The creepy man maliciously cackled and vanished suddenly in a puff of smoke that disappeared rapidly. That was when I fainted, gracefully.

Again, no. It sounds so much better like this:

Page 22: Writing Mistakes You're Making

I bounced up and down in my excitement –– It was so wonderful to be there; I was practically having a spaz attack looking out for Betsey. At first, my eye caught a man standing off in the corner, rubbing his hands together, but then I saw Betsey walking towards me and forgot all about it. I had just taken a step in her direction when she suddenly vanished from sight. Arriving at the spot she’d been in, I looked down. In Betsey’s place was a frog. Just then, the man from the corner cackled and disappeared in a puff of smoke. I couldn’t do a thing but faint.

Now I’m sure by reading it you can tell the second version is better. This is for three reasons. The first is that it doesn’t have so many adverbs; with only a few, you can focus in on them specifically, and they bring about the desired effect. The second is that while I went through the paragraph cutting adverbs, I realized ways to make the sentences better –– cut a phrase here, move that tidbit over there, etc. This just goes to show, even while editing for one specific thing, it can lead to a complete structural overhaul! Oh, and the third? It’s shorter.

Big Words, Description, and You

Example: The mare shook her head territorially, but I approached her incrementally, with an air of circumspection –– I didn’t want her to gallop away superfluously. Finally I arrived at her umber side, and pulling a sugar cube out of my coat pocket, I proffered it to her on my flat palm. At a sedate pace, she inclined her sinewy neck towards my hand, and took the sugar cube into her eager orifice.

When you use a thesaurus to figure out another word for “mouth,” you’re going much, much too far. How many of you knew “umber” is a shade of brown? Or that “circumspection” means “wary”? When you’re throwing in big words to make yourself sound smart, it doesn’t work out that way –– all the reader sees is a failed attempt to be unique. Or even worse, your big words confuse them so much they stop reading altogether. If you’re a teen writer, odds are your target audience is teens –– don’t use words your friends at school wouldn’t understand. If you’re an adult writer, it’s the same thing: write words you already have in your vocabulary.

And although in that example I was putting in difficult words left and right, don’t think we don’t notice when you slip in a bizarre word here and there. It’s almost worse than the constant assault, because we don’t see it coming, and all of a sudden we see the word “antidisestablishmentarianism” and our inner monologue that was just a moment ago perfectly content with reading your story goes “hold up, now –– what’s going on?”

By the way, “big words” aren’t necessarily long words; they’re words one does not use regularly in every day speech. Of course, there are exceptions to every rule, and if one of your characters is a fifty-year-old English professor who owns a “word-a-day” calendar and likes to smoke a pipe, I will allow you to use “big words.” But only if he likes to smoke a pipe (hardy-har). I’ll mention this again in dialogue, because it’s important. (Not the pipe, the big words.)

Adding Description

I haven’t said anything about a lack of description, because from what I’ve observed, most of you are not having that problem. However, if you do feel your story lacks in the description department, go back and add a phrase here or there. You mentioned they were eating breakfast in the kitchen –– what were they eating? Was the kitchen clean? Can you hear the drip drop (Side Note: you italicize onomatopoeias) of the faucet in the background? Don’t worry if it’s not too flowery; most of the best writing isn’t (see Ernest Hemingway). It’s all about knowing where description is necessary

Page 23: Writing Mistakes You're Making

and where it is not. If you're still having trouble I recommend trying out the section exercise.

When To Describe Characters

Don’t give a full character description the moment you’re introducing a character. Okay, I won’t say “don’t” (and that’s only because J.K. Rowling and many other authors do it successfully), but come on, if you’re doing it for every character, it’s too much. Especially in a novel, when you have the room to casually place in a detail here and another one there, there is no reason to throw all of that description at your reader at once. (Would you rather someone forced chocolate cake down your throat as fast as they could, or eat a slice each night while relaxing and watching TV?) The point is, it sounds extremely obvious and formulaic, and we see right through it.

Example: Amy walked in. She had brown hair with red highlights, and her teeth sparkled in the sunlight like a Crescent commercial. I was jealous of her slim figure; she always attracted the attention of the boys. She worked for it though, going to the gym every weekend, while I was at home playing World of Warcraft. When I went over to her I noticed she was wearing a green shirt that said “Hottie” on it and red flip flops. After I said hi to Amy I saw John. He was tall with scruffy black hair that never seemed to look neat. I couldn’t help but notice his tight t-shirt, stretched over his abs. His best feature was his eyes, though. They were a deep forest green and always had a quiet sparkle of life in them. When I spoke with him, his arms were crossed and I could see his muscles clenching and unclenching. He was the guy that all the girls, and some of the guys, lusted after. He was the star quarterback on the football team, and he was friends with everybody. He had a nice personality and everyone got along with him.

If you break these descriptions up and add them naturally into the story, it won’t be so blatant that you’re telling your reader what they look like, and they’ll still get the picture.

A subset of this is to avoid constantly mentioning the same aspect about different people. I recently read a story where every single character’s eye color was mentioned at least once. This especially applies if it’s the only characteristic you’re writing about. Which you shouldn’t be.

Unique Description (an Eleanor Kirk Guest Lecture)

Agh! I see it everywhere. People always introduce their characters and give a description of them by either their eye or hair colour (sometimes we get the double whammy). Not only this, but that’s a) either the only description we get, b) the main body of the description—we might be told one (maybe two) other details about them, say, height or skin-colour, or c) every single other character is introduced with reference to either hair or eyes.

I’ve almost killed my computer over the number of times I’ve seen this, and (and I’ve said this to a number of people, and I know there are others who feel the same way) because it’s so common, it no longer has any visual impact whatsoever—personally, I can say that all I get is a mental image of a [insert colour here] coloured ball of hair/fluff with [insert colour here] marbles for eyes, and it looks rather like Fuzzbob from my brother’s choirbook doodles (they titled them Fuzzbob and Scratch, I think).

Hair and eyes might be the most defining features, but there are other ways to do it—like, if a character is looking at another character’s face, it’s most common for that character to remark upon eye colour—well, why not the shape of the nose? Or whether or not they have freckles? Or rather than eye colour, eye shape?

Page 24: Writing Mistakes You're Making

The other thing is that if lots of characters are introduced by hair and eye colour, we forget who looks like what. The best way to do this is to introduce different characters with different attributes, e.g. Jamie was tall and well-built, wearing a tank top and jeans; Monica’s skin was the kind of caramel colour that Alice had always wanted; Emily’s slim fingers darted over the piano keys as her thin eyebrows contracted in concentration; Lettie stood watching them all, tucking flyaway strands of her black hair behind her ears every so often and scratching the scab on her temple. It’s extremely easy to separate all the different characters from each other with this, and later, once the characters are all firmly established and we know who is who, we can start filtering in the other details.

The “hair and eye” version of this would be “Jamie had blond hair and blue eyes; Monica’s brown eyes where what Alice had always wanted—she had gorgeous brown hair too; Emily’s ginger curls bobbed as she played the piano, green eyes steadily moving across the page of music; Lettie stood watching them all with wide grey eyes, occasionally tucking her wispy black hair behind her ears.” There are so many hairs and eyes that when the reader comes away from the passage, it’s difficult to remember who had what.

Description That Implies Something

By this title I mean that you have two types of description. Type one: surface traits.

Example: Gabriela has shoulder-length curly red hair, and green eyes. She is 5'3'' and weights 135 pounds. She has freckles on her cheeks, and she is pale. What do we learn? We now know what she looks like. We might assume she is of Irish descent.

Type two: implicit traits (meaning they do not state directly what they mean, the meaning is implied).

Example: Gabriela always wears her red hair in a messy bun to keep it out of her eyes while she paints, and she squints more often than not because she's always forgetting to put in her contacts in the morning. When she's bored you can tell because she likes to lift herself up on her tiptoes while talking to you, as if imagining her life were she taller. Gabriela has a large collection of hats for when the sun is too strong. What do we learn? Gabriela is artistic; she paints. She has long hair, or hair cut so that it interferes when she is painting. She is forgetful. She is easily distracted; she is in her head a lot. She doesn't think much about her appearance, only when it's important (sun protection). She's probably pale, and short.

Do you see the difference between these two? Which is better? Obviously the later. We learn about Gabriela's appearance, but we also learn about her character. It's a double-whammy! So when you describe something, aim to give us the implicit traits, and not just the surface ones. It makes the read much more entertaining, not to mention it saves you having to write more to tell us what the characters are like.

Section Exercise

An exercise that helps is to write out as much description as you possibly can. Ignore everything I just said, and stuff as many similes and metaphors as your fingers can manage into the chapter. Pretend your chapter is on death row and this is the last Thanksgiving it will ever attend. Entire twenty-two pound turkeys should be in there, not to mention the mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce. Then you rest a little while, look at it with new eyes, and you cut the hell out of it. If you have a paragraph of description, pick the most important sentence, or even the most important

Page 25: Writing Mistakes You're Making

phrase, and delete everything else. It may kill you a little on the inside, but when you’re done, it will look cleaner and more professional.

Page 26: Writing Mistakes You're Making

(Chapter FOUR) Dialogue

Ways to Make it Sound More Realistic

The first thing to look at is your contractions. We do not talk in the same manner as your critical essays in English class. Contractions are allowed, and in fact they are encouraged. If you think your character is talking stiffly, go through and anywhere you can put in a contraction, do it. When we talk in real life, we don’t notice, but unless you are emphasizing each word on purpose, you use contractions wherever possible.

Example: I am not afraid; that is silly. What is your problem anyway? You are acting so weird! This sounds much better as: I’m not afraid; that’s silly. What’s your problem anyway? You’re acting so weird!

Another way to make your dialogue sound more realistic is to make it shorter –– that is, the paragraphs. If you have a character saying more than two lines of text, consider revising. In general, we don’t talk in paragraphs in real life, even if we have paragraphs to say.

Example: The fact is, I highly doubt your ability to perform well at our establishment. You showed up an hour late for your interview, and you’re not even properly dressed. We wear suits here, Mr. Brown, and we wear clean suits. How is a client supposed to take you seriously with coffee stains down your front? I only hire the best. You do not fit this description. I’m done with this –– you may leave.

Or you could go with this:

“The fact is, I highly doubt your ability to perform well at our establishment. You showed up an hour late for your interview, and you’re not even properly dressed.”“Mrs. Jamison, with all due respect, the interview didn’t state a dress code.”“We wear suits here, Mr. Brown. Anyone with a brain can see that. Even if that didn’t matter –– you’ve got coffee stains down your front.”“I–– I didn’t realize. I was rushing this morning and I must ha–”“The reason doesn’t matter. What matters is what the client is going to think.”“I’m sorry. It won’t happen again, I promise.”“Look, I only hire the best. You don’t fit that description. You may leave.”

Big Words, Dialogue, and You

Example: I totally could not believe that she would do such a bitchy thing to me. The woman is trying to ruin my life! I do all this freaking shit for her and she doesn’t even have the judiciousness to be nice to my boyfriend! We’ve been going out for three weeks –– why doesn’t she get this is serious? I love him!

It’s a game now –– which word doesn’t belong? If you guessed “judiciousness” you win. My problem with big words in dialogue is pretty much the same as it was when I was talking about description.

Differentiating Characters

A major mistake one can make is writing characters to all sound the same. This isn’t good because it makes your characters flat, homogeneous. Think about it, how interesting would your life be if

Page 27: Writing Mistakes You're Making

everyone thought the exact same way? Each character should have a distinct voice –– the people you know in real life don’t all talk the same, neither should your characters. (This includes the narrator.)

There are lots of ways to make distinctions. For one, you can change things up with accents, taking into account what country they’re from if the country speaks a different language. For instance, in French the adjectives come after the nouns, so a French girl might mix things up when she speaks English (as in, “I saw a dog brown today”). You’ll need to research this –– watch some movies, read some books, hit up Google. You have to make a commitment if you’re giving your character an accent, because you can’t have it show only part of the time –– whenever they talk, the accent should be evident (look at Hagrid from Harry Potter).

The background of your character is also going to greatly affect their speech. When taking backgrounds into account, the prince doesn’t sound the same as the pauper. And I’m not being racist or stereotypical when I say different people can speak differently, depending on what environment they grew up in. The truth is, Harlem isn’t the same as rural Oklahoma, and Jay-Z doesn't talk with the same country droll Carrie Underwood possesses. It’s how it is, and if your novel reflects this in a mature manner, you’ll earn points for class and being realistic.

Side Note: A reputable source of mine has this to say: If you want to make your character sound like he’s from the Midwest, have him truncate his speech. He will find the shortest way to say what he wants to say and use it. “Gonna,” “izzat,” “prolly,” “s’okay,” etc. Midwestern speech is all about truncation. Of course we’re not all like this but gosh, it’s really fun to write and makes a pretty distinct character voice.

This is a good time to mention that grammar doesn’t apply to whatever is in quotes; the only thing that matters is how the real life equivalent of your character would speak. This counts for your narrator as well, when your narrator is someone like Tam Sawyer. Trust me –– if your character says “brung” instead of “brought,” and there’s a reason for it, I won’t turn you over to my grammar Nazi of a mother. (And how she would love that –– whenever my sister and I make grammar mistakes, she laments that her real children are somewhere down in Georgia, speaking perfect English...no offense to grammar-abiding Georgians.)

Side Note: The lack of necessary proper grammar does not mean you can use incorrect punctuation. You must use proper punctuation throughout the story unless you are directly quoting something that a character has written down if said character has incorrectly punctuated it.

Example: Amber showed me the text she'd just received from Perry. It read, “I don't like that you're going out with him!!!!!!!!!”

Word Repetition

In regular life, people usually don’t talk with the same first couple of words in each sentence, unless they’re pissed off or something of the sort.

Example: I saw Betsy at the store today. I saw her at the store and she was buying cereal. I saw her at the store buying cereal and she bought Reese's Cups too. It may sound dramatic, but who do you know that honestly talks like that?

Here’s an example where it’d make sense: I don’t know, Betsy, why would we be dirt poor? Could it be because someone’s been buying three-hundred dollar shoes every weekend? Could it maybe be because someone’s been going out to dinner with her friends four nights a week?

Page 28: Writing Mistakes You're Making

Or, I don’t know, maybe it’s because someone’s been throwing out the bills to keep their husband from noticing they spent thousands on a weekend to the spa! Notice in the second example there was less repetition and the repetition that was there made sense, because the speaker was emphasizing the irony.

Tags: What? Where? Which?

Tags are the “he said” and “she replied” at the end of a line of dialogue. They are not “he smiled” and “she smirked.” It is only a tag if it is directly stating the manner in which the dialogue was stated. “Said,” “yelled,” “screamed,” “hollered,” “responded,” “replied,” “answered,” “whispered,” etc. Tags are strictly for clarification purposes, and almost never offer something to the story besides that (i.e., having lots of totally radtastic tags will not make your story any better).

First off, if you don’t need a tag, don’t put one. If you can read it and it’s easy to know who’s talking, leave off a tag. What’s the point? It’s uselessness that distracts from the conversation. If you’ve got a lot of tags and you need to add another, why not have a sentence after the speech that mentions the character? It serves as a tag because having it after the speech tells the reader who just said something, and it also allows you to add action (readers like action).

Example: “I don’t understand,” he said. This sounds better as: “I don’t understand.” He went over to the couch and sat down, burying his face in his hands.

Side Note: It's important to make it obvious who is speaking at any given moment. The reader should always know who is speaking, even if there is no tag. Any instance where confusion is likely should be avoided by adding a dialogue tag.

Example: “You never want anyone's help!” Amy tried to slam the door behind her but Becca caught it and came storming in after her. “You can't do anything without someone writing down every breath you should take!”“Better to be dependent than a loner,” Amy said, clenching her teeth. “Oh get a better vocabulary; I'm not by any standards a loner.” “I don't care what Webster has to say about the manner, unless you're talking to me you haven't a friend in the world! I'm surprised Joseph is even interested in such a hermit, and I'm even more surprised I tried to help you two!” Becca let out a half-scream and slapped Amy across the face. Neither spoke for a minute after that; they eyed one another, breathing heavily from their efforts.“I'm sorry I slept with Vivinchy.” She ran out of the room.

Well then...that's all fine and well (I don't know the rest of the story but I'm hoping Vivinchy is a respectable fellow), except for the small detail that we don't know who slept with Vivinchy, and that's a rather important bit of the tale.

“I'm sorry I slept with Vivinchy,” Amy said finally, and ran out of the room.

There we go. Amazing how adding a few words can make a world of difference!

Now, when do we use “fancy” tags instead of the plain old, “said”? Well, when we read, we are so accustomed to “he said” that our eyes literally skip over it and we continue with the talking. This is why it’s much better, if you want the flow of the dialogue to go well, to have “he said” as a tag and leave it as that. If you want to break up the dialogue, add in actions instead of “fancy” tags. Do not, however, put “he replied angrily” or “she exclaimed with passion” every chance you get. The words they just said should tip the reader off to their particular emotion, and if it doesn’t, why not show

Page 29: Writing Mistakes You're Making

what they’re feeling with an action instead of telling the reader point blank?

Example: “You are so annoying,” she said with furiously extreme anger. Turn this into: “You are so annoying!” She turned away from him and began chopping the meat into thick, bloody chunks, refusing to turn around and look at him. (Note: This is where the imagery adds to the emotion. Notice how I said “bloody chunks.” You’re not exactly thinking of happy butterflies when you hear that.)

It’s okay to have “he replied” on occasion, if you feel the urge to break up the “he said,” but don’t do it too often. “Replied” and “answered” work, but do it too frequently and the flow is broken, because our minds pay attention to these tags, unlike “said.”

Is Swearing Okay in YA?

Well, it depends. Do you want your chances of getting published to go up? Are you willing to sacrifice your personal, hell-laden vision for the chance of thousands of youngins reading what you have to say? The choice is up to you, but less swears means a larger reader base, and consequently bigger appeal to publishers. If the likes of Twilight and the Gossip Girl books have taught us anything though, it is that the two extremes are in fact publishable. So the answer, technically, is yes, swearing is okay in YA literature. There are tons of books that prove it. But that does not mean swearing in any book is going to work.

I think the important thing is to keep everything within perspective of your text, and to ignore other books. There is certainly a difference between people yelling “hell” and “damn” in a book aimed at sixth graders and one aimed at eleventh graders. So what audience is your book aimed at? If they're under thirteen or fourteen, the swears aren't a good idea. If it's older than that, it's on a text-by-text basis. Try putting it in these terms: think less of if you can get away with “bitch” and more of if your character is the type of person who would swear.

Example: “So how was your day at school dear?” George's mother heaped some spaghetti onto his plate. “Fucking terrible,” he said.

Problem one. What child do you know that swears in front of their parents? But let's further the situation a bit, shall we?

“Why was it so awful?” asked George's father, putting down the newspaper.

Problem two. The child swears and there is no parental reaction? Unless your parents are super jiggy with it, how likely is this situation? But hey, benefit of the doubt. Maybe his parents are hippies....

“I only got an A- on my history paper, and those skaters guys from down the street teased me about it the entire time home,” George said, the hint of a whimper in his voice.“Oh, honey! That's horrible; Walter, do you think we should call the pastor? Perhaps he could speak with those troubled youths,” George's mother said, giving her husband a worried look. “I'll give him a call right after dinner. Now, let us bow our heads in prayer.” “Could I lead us off?” George asked. His father nodded in response.

Alright, we drew the situation out as long as possible. Now, how wrong does that swear sound? The child has been raised by two religious people who have high expectations for his academic life; two traits they have bestowed upon their son. George shows no animosity towards his parents. George

Page 30: Writing Mistakes You're Making

is, by all means, a “model child” in the classic sense, and thus we can conclude there is absolutely nothing in his character that would suggest a need to swear. Therefore, just because George knows the words, it doesn't mean he would realistically use them.

Basically, if it's aimed at an older audience (swearing for a younger audience is a NO) it's up to your artistic vision of the characters swear or not. It has a higher likelihood of being published if there are fewer rather than more swears, and it has a higher likelihood of being well-received by the general public if there are fewer rather than more swears. (But YA novels are known to have the occasional “damn” thrown in with no one caring.)

Remember only to include swearing if it is truly a part of the character's personality.

And apart from giving you that information, I can do nothing more towards telling you if your book should swear or not. That is entirely up to you. Be aware, however, that no matter where on the swearing-spectrum your book may lie, in all actuality it is not going to make or break your book. Your book with not be an epic failure simply because you swore, and neither will it be an epic success.

Section Exercise

Your dialogue may not be very good now, but it’s not going to get any better until you suck it up and practice. Try forcing yourself to write an entire short scene with only dialogue, read through it as a play with a friend, edit the dialogue, and then go back to add what description you need.

Another suggestion for if you don’t know if it’s good or not is to read it aloud to yourself, where no one can hear you (no inhibitions –– let loose). If you find yourself pausing in places you don’t have commas, you can add them in. Or maybe you’ll realize that the sentence you thought was fine on paper sounds extremely uncomfortable aloud. Beware though –– if you’re reading it with a certain emphasize and that’s not how it’s reflected in the text, the reader isn’t going to be reading it the way you want them to, and you need to edit.

Page 31: Writing Mistakes You're Making

(Chapter FIVE) Plot

General Map of a Story

I’m assuming that most of you are aware of the five basic elements of a story –– exposition, rising action, climax, falling action, and denouement –– but are you using that to your best advantage? If you think that needing these five elements means no variety, it’s not so. Most stories don’t in fact have the traditional arch that they explain in English class; usually it’s more like a squiggly line, going up and down various heights throughout.

Example: If you were to draw the squiggly line of the Harry Potter books, it would start with five smaller humps that slant to the right (more rising action than falling) and then the sixth hump would have a larger climax (Dumbledore’s death), and the seventh and final hump would be the biggest of them all, with the Hogwarts battle being the largest climax. If you were to take a magnifying glass to the line you’d see much more smaller squiggles, to show the smaller climaxes in the story: winning quidditch matches, Fred and George’s fireworks debacle, Harry getting together with Ginny, etc.

If you’ve got the general plot of your story worked out, it can be very helpful in planning to draw out what your squiggly line looks like. See where the story will be the most intense and if you don’t want it that way, now is the time to tweak!

Warning: If your climax is at the end of the story, make sure that you have a proper denouement. If it’s rushed and quickly explains everything, the reader will feel rushed, and they won’t like it (a rushed ending is one of the most common complaints one hears about Mockingjay, for example). We do not want to be told what happened after the bomb went off, we want to be shown –– take a final chapter to do that.

Specific Exercise: General Map of a Story

Take a blank piece of paper and draw on it four or five separate story maps. The first should be simple, with only one climax, and they can get progressively more squiggly (bumps should be different heights). Then give yourself the task of coming up with a short story to go with the first line. Once you’ve established to yourself the five points of the story, move on to the next line and add in details to fit the extra humps. Keep doing this by getting more and more detailed until you’re on the fifth plot –– see how complicated it is?

Your story’s plot line should be like this. The first line is the bare boned structure, but as you delve deeper and deeper, there are more and more little things that are happening. Having smaller things like this takes away from the intensity of your plot and gives the reader a break. (Be careful not to have too many though –– you’ll confuse the reader. One or two medium-sized subplots should do, with all the little details under that.)

Prologue/Epilogue

If you feel that a prologue is absolutely necessary in your novel, it’s not. The prologue is not a short first chapter –– if that’s how you’ve written it, switch the name from “prologue” to “chapter one.”

Example: Prologue –– Yada, yada, yada –– I bought an apple.” Chapter One –– “I ate my apple –– yada, yada yada.” This is not a prologue.

Page 32: Writing Mistakes You're Making

A prologue establishes background information, setting, or offers miscellaneous details that a reader should know before reading the book. That, or it’s used to draw the reader in by alluding to something that happens later on in the story. Usually, prologues are used for fantasy or science fiction, or in books where knowing that this takes place on Mars might be necessary before starting to read the book. If your story is general fiction, it most likely doesn't a prologue half as bad as you think it does. Think it over –– if you use one when you don’t need to, you’re stopping the reader from jumping right into the action, which might bore them and stop them from reading. So how badly is that prologue needed?

Example: (summarized forms of chapters) Prologue –– Andy walked through the ashes of his old home, burned to the ground. “Who could have done this?” he cried, sinking to his knees in the soot. Chapter One –– Andy woke up in a state of panic, briefly thrashing about in the sheets before realizing the dream was over. It'd been the same one ever since last month, when a terrible fire had destroyed his home, forcing him to live here, in the guestroom from flower-wallpaper hell, courtesy of his neighbor, Mrs. Morrison. He couldn't help his bitter thoughts towards the woman; after all, it was her son who'd accidentally started the fire. So, is this prologue necessary? No. What do we learn from the prologue? That his house burned down, and he doesn't know who did it. In chapter one we learn again his house burned down, and we learn who did it. The same questions and information of the prologue are immediately given in chapter one.

Therefore, the prologue is useless.

Your epilogue is like the prologue, in that you don’t need one. However, if you want an epilogue, you can have one –– I won’t stop you. The thing is though, if you’re ending the story on a strong, powerful note, you might not want the epilogue screwing up that final feeling the reader gets when they read your last words. Again, I won’t stop you. Whether or not you want an epilogue is an author's stylistic choice, albeit a controversial one. I mean, think about it, how many people were angry at J.K. Rowling for including an epilogue at the end of the Harry Potter series? And how many loved her for it?

Decisions, decisions!

Be Original!

Depending on who to talk to, there is/are only one/seven/twenty/thirty-six/etc. basic plot lines in the world, and every single other story idea is a regurgitation of that. This is true, but don't be discouraged. I'm not going to talk about plot like everything is cliché, because not everything is. Simply because you're recycling Shakespeare (and you didn't even notice!) doesn't mean it can't be original.

Yes, it’s hard these days to think up something original (look at the number of movies based off of books). It can be done though, and it can be done by you. Oftentimes, ironically enough, original ideas can come from reading or watching movies. Do you ever get to a point where you wonder what would have happened if something completely different had occurred? Sometimes this can be the jumping off point –– just keep changing aspects until you come out with something completely different from what you started with. You are allowed to use anything for inspiration. Ideas change and evolve, and you have to keep building on them to get you to a whole new world (Disney shoutout!).

Example: I got the idea for my science fiction book from a friend. His idea went something like, “What if you had a bunch of people who lived in a museum and couldn’t get out, because they’d been told a bomb went off and killed everyone else and made the rest of the world

Page 33: Writing Mistakes You're Making

unsafe? And generations went by with these people living in the museum, until one boy decided to go outside and see what happened, but there were a lot of challenges along the way, until he finally got out and realized that they’d been living a lie; the bomb had never gone off.”

Well, if you’ve read my book, you know that the story is nothing like that. That’d be because one thing led to another and soon it became unrecognizable. And if you were wondering, it was a museum because he wanted the main character’s name to be George Washington or something of the sort, and he figured the people could name the kids after things they found in the museum. Oh, and I reserve the rights to the idea, I might make a story out of it someday!

Another place to get original ideas from is to combine plots. Take two aspects that to the untrained eye couldn't possibly ever have something to do with one another and transform it into a plot no one has seen before.

Example: There have been stories about shipwrecks before, tales of survival until the castaway(s) reach salvation. There have also been stories of wild animals interacting with humans. There have also been stories about religious people. But there had never been a story about someone who practiced three separate religious simultaneously and also happened to be stuck on a lifeboat with a Bengal tiger in the middle of the Pacific Ocean for some two-hundred odd days. That is, until it was written into a novel known as Life of Pi.

Clichés

Some people starting out writing might not be aware of what constitutes a “cliché plot.” Here’s a short checklist of examples:

• Girl meets boy whom she initially hates but grows to love (This Lullaby)• Average teenager is for no apparent reason the central part of an ancient prophecy (Gregor

the Overlander)• It's the King's most trusted adviser who turns out to be the bad guy (Aladdin)• Parents died at a young age and the wonderful child who did nothing wrong is treated

horribly by relatives (Harry Potter)

• Old and brilliant mentor of the hero dies right as the hero is starting to become confident with themselves, and they must now face the ultimate evil alone (Eragon)

• The bad guy is the family member (His Dark Materials)• The protagonist is the strongest person around in terms of magical or fighting ability

(Graceling)

Sound familiar? I'm sure you've read at least one of these before. I wouldn't be surprised if you've seen every single one at one point or another –– even books considered to be highly original oftentimes contain cliché elements such as these.

If you feel the urge to write a story with some majorly cliché elements, find a way to add another element so huge it detracts from the cliché enough to make it an non-issue.

Example: The film, Avatar. I’m sure you’re aware that the plot is one of the biggest clichés in literature today, but why did people see it anyways? They saw it for the other, bigger element that enticed them, the 3-D. It was the cool graphics that drew them to see the flick, not the plot, like in Titanic, by the same director.

Now, you can’t use 3-D to draw in readers, but it should give you the general idea of what I mean.

Page 34: Writing Mistakes You're Making

Another thing you can do with a cliché is to deliberately choose a cliché (or pretend you choose a cliché deliberately) and put in a new element that makes it fresh and standout.

Example: Twilight. It’s the classic “we come from two different worlds and can’t be together” love story, but what makes it interesting is the vampires. Mock all you want, but love it or hate it, you cannot deny Meyer is enjoying her trips to the bank, and all because she dreamed up a heartthrob that sparkles. A sparkling heartthrob is not cliché.

Notice how this vampire addition is essential to the plot. Whatever your twist is, it needs to be big, and a major part of the story line. Mentioning your major male character’s favorite color is pink is not what I’m looking for here. Especially if he tries to macho it up by claiming it's not pink, but “salmon,” which is a very masculine fish.

Plot Twists

Alright. Plot twists. You have several different types of plot twist. The first thing to look at is what is causing the plot twist. You can have character-driven plot twists (someone decides to kill themselves, your parents' buy you a puppy, etc.) or “outside forces” plot twists (your friend is killed in a car crash, there’s a tornado, etc.). If your plot twist is character-driven, make sure that their decisions make sense –– obviously if it’s a twist you don’t want to spell it out, but it should be clear in hindsight. (I talk more about character decisions in the next section.)

It's also important to consider that there are varying degrees of plot twists. There are certain ones you can't guess, like callbacks (see next section), but you realize that it makes sense after the fact; some that are very obvious to you as the reader (but are not as evident to the characters); and some that certain people spot right away while others don't. A good book should have some sort of mixture of this; if you think about it, what fun is a book where you always know (or conversely, never know) what is going to happen?

One example of a plot twist is a fifty-fifty split. You have half the story going one way, then something completely unexpected happens, and the other half of the story is the characters dealing with what happened. The plot twist needs to be serious to carry you through to the end of the book –– it should be your biggest climax.

Example: Looking for Alaska, by John Green. Besides this being a brilliant book (I highly recommend it) it’s literally split up into “before” and “after.” The first half of the book is made of up chapters that count down days (one hundred days before, eighty-three days before...) and the second half is the after.

The cool thing about a fifty-fifty split like this, when it’s executed so well, is that you have such a strong relationship with the characters that when the twist happens, you are extremely invested in their lives and how they’re affected.

When you have a big plot twist, it’s often synonymous with the climax of the story. The reason is that if it’s a good twist, it’s a big deal. So don’t go having big twists every couple of chapters –– it will decrease the shock value and confuse your readers. They won’t be able to keep things straight, and it can be hard to wrap all the ends up in a way that makes sense or makes the read a rewarding experience.

Example: (Pretend each sentence is a new chapter.) Start out with Kate, your typical girl-next-door, whose parents decide to move to China. Whoa! When she’s there she unexpectedly realizes she’s a lesbian at the Ice Capades. Double-whoa! She wins a radio contest for tickets to

Page 35: Writing Mistakes You're Making

Hollywood. Triple-whoa! She runs into a famous model who dies in her arms from unknown causes. Quadruple-whoa! She’s forced to run away (from murder charges) on a cross country road trip with a debonaire stranger she recently met. Quintuple-whoa! She gets lost and separated from the debonaire stranger, ending up in Canada, where she has to fight a polar bear. Sextuple-whoa! She lies dying on the cold Canadian tundra and her final thoughts are “I wish my parents had never moved to China.” Septu-wait, what? It’s over.

Foreshadowing

Foreshadowing (also known as a “callback,” for those familiar with comedic terminology) is when you put a hint in the story that the reader doesn't notice as being something of significance until the end of the novel, or a similar “point of reveal.” The reader looks back and goes –– “oh, that makes sense now,” but at the time they initially read it, it didn't seem to be an important detail. Most often this device is used in mystery novels (think Agatha Christie) so that once you find out who the killer was, you realize that the answer was there all along. (Fun fact: My grandmother had a special knack for guessing the bad guy in mystery novels after reading only the first chapter.)

Example: In the third Harry Potter book we get several clues that Professor Lupin is a werewolf (a strange silvery orb is his biggest fear; he’s sick a lot; Snape makes them research werewolves) but we don’t put them together until we’re told.

Specific Exercise: Foreshadowing

Give your story (with the foreshadowing in there) to a friend and have them read it through once. Have them tell you what they think the ending is as soon as they think of it. If they guess before the end and it’s right, they can stop. If it’s wrong, have them continue. When they’re done with the whole thing, ask them to tell you anything that they remember reading that should have been a hint to them about the ending. If they guessed the answer before even getting to the end, you need to be more subtle. If they couldn’t find any clues, you need to be more obvious.

Deus ex Machinas

“Deus ex Machinas” literally translates from the original Latin to “god out of the machine.” This is in reference to a specific infamous plot device, in which the dilemma of the protagonist is “magically” solved by a newly introduced person, object, event, etc.

Example: Pierre stood in front of his sink, fast aghast. He was out of toothpaste. What was he going to do? The toothpaste stores were all closed at this hour, and it was simply imperative that he have minty fresh breath for his date with Emmanuel. While he continued to stare at the empty tube in his hand, suddenly there was a knock at him bathroom door. He turned to open it, and was greeted by the happy countenance of his long lost childhood friend, Lise. Pierre had not seen or communicated with Lise since the second grade, so you can imagine why he was surprised. “Lise, what are you doing here?” he asked in shock. “Well, I know you live here, and I was passing through the city and I figured I'd stop by to say 'hi.' Your neighbor let me in with the spare key.” “Oh. Well, what have you been up to lately?”“I've been working at a Toothpaste Factory. It's great. They give me free samples all the time. Here, would you like one?”“Why,” exclaimed John, “that's exactly what I would like!” He cheerfully took the sample from her hand and proceed to brush his teeth. “Bye, Lise,” he said through a mouthful of foam.

Page 36: Writing Mistakes You're Making

“Bye, Pierre! Nice seeing you,” Lise said, and she left. Pierre couldn't help but think to himself as he rinsed and spat, Wow, what luck! The arrival of Lise, a previously unheard of character, who just so happens to work at a Toothpaste Factory and carry around samples with her, is the deus ex machinas in this example.

Now, while I am aware that this example is rather ridiculous, can you believe that there are in fact books which use this device (albeit they hide it a tad bit better than I just did) as a way to get their character out of a sticky situation? Well, believe it or not, it's true.

I will admit, there are a few instances where this is an acceptable tactic to us. Mostly this is when it is used deliberately for the comedic effect (The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, anyone?). Aside from that, it really is a bad idea to use a deus ex machina in your book for several reasons:

1) It gives the impression that you are a bad writer who can't come up with a solution that makes sense within the constraints of the world you have created.

2) It is often so unbelievable that it breaks the suspension of disbelief of your story and that, my dear friend, is a big no-no.

(Fun fact: the famous Greek playwright, Euripides, is famous for his use of deus ex machina in more than half of his plays, Aristotle even wrote about it in his “Poetics,” quote: “It is obvious that the solutions of plots too should come about as a result of the plot itself, and not from a contrivance....”)

Symbolism and Theme

Yeah, this is when “things aren’t all they appear to be.” Symbolism is referring to the smaller things that are direct references to something else, while the deeper meaning (or “theme” for you academics) is the overall message you’re supposed to take from reading the book.

Example: John Steinbeck’s The Pearl, a short novella, is about a poor man finding the coolest freaking pearl in the world and how this leads to dire consequences even though it was originally supposed to be something awesome. The whole story is a way for the author to get out his message –– “greed changes you into a bad dude” (others, however, might just interpret it to mean “don’t try to step out of your place on the social hierarchy, or bad things will happen to you,” but hey, that's another debate for another day).

With symbolism, you can have symbolism where even the characters understand what it represents, as in it's a part of the plot, or you can have more subtle symbolism where only the readers understand the significance.

Example: When we look at the Hunger Games Trilogy, it’s pretty clear there’s a lot of symbolism going on, both blatant and subtle. An example of symbolism that the characters know about is the Mockingjay being a symbol of the rebellion. An example of symbolism that only we know of is when Effie Trinket incorrectly refers to Peeta and Katniss as being like coal turned into pearls, which is a symbol for the transformation that they undergo during the Hunger Games.

If you’re writing a YA general fiction novel about something like a girl in high school, the likelihood you'll have any need for symbolism are very small (unless you're Laurie Halse Anderson). Trust me, the Gossip Girl books doesn’t have some secret message you need to figure out –– they’re to be read as-is. However, if you do want to incorporate symbolism, don’t overanalyze things to the point where they symbols are unrecognizable.

Page 37: Writing Mistakes You're Making

Example: A summary of events: The teacher’s chalk breaks in school. This means he’s not paying attention to his work. This means he’s having problems at home. This means that he’s worried his wife is cheating on him. So clearly, that’s why he shot his wife’s boss. This is bad symbolism. No one is going to draw a line from you mentioning “the teacher dropped the chalk, breaking it in two,” to “he barged into the office of his wife’s boss and shot him in the head, screaming 'you bastard!' over and over.”

Usually, if you’re writing a novel with a deeper meaning, you know it, and you build your story around it. Don’t finish your novel and decide that it’s a metaphor for the Vietnam War because you say so –– if you don’t have the deeper meaning in mind while writing the book, it’s not going to show up in your story.

Does My Life = Autobiography?

It's highly doubtful. Have you accomplished anything amazing? Is there something unique about your life? Have you had experiences not many others have had? Are you a big enough name that people even care?

If so, sure, your life (or at least that interesting bit of it) could potentially be an autobiography. But most likely, if you're a teenager you haven't done anything autobiography-worthy yet. The draw of an autobiography is getting an in-depth look at someone you admire or look-up to or know something about already. The chances of you being that someone for a ton of people is very slim, and it's important when writing to give at least some thought to marketability. (Yes, if you want to write this book for you and never show a soul, feel free to ignore me and chronicle what went down with Charleene in Mrs. Brown's science class last year, and how dare she blame you when it's obvious that Willard came onto you and not the other way around while you were dissecting that frog.)

If you had something happen in your life that would make the perfect YA romance novel, by all means, write a story based on it. The key here is “based on it” –– not legitimate autobiography. If you choose this format instead of the 100% truthful one, it gives you room to add in that bomb towards the middle to shake things up, or write that scene that ties all the loose-ends together (the one you wish had actually happened to you in real life). In short, you can write an exciting version of true events, one that people want to hear about.

And if the only exciting thing to ever happen to you was that once your school bus broke down in the middle of Yellowstone and you led the hike back to civilization, consider the short story option, and leave the rest of your high school career out of it.

Example: Barack Obama's autobiography is something people want to read. Barack Obama's cousin's nephew's daughter's trip to the mall where she met the love of her life (H&M) is not something people want to read...unless it comes with a $100 H&M gift certificate...no, never mind. Not even then.

The Perfect Beginning

The perfect beginning can have a lot of things, but it must have one thing. An amazing first sentence. Something that draws the reader in, and makes them instantly interested in what's going on. Something unique, for goodness sakes!

Example: “You don't know about me without you have read a book by the name of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer; but that ain't no matter.” – Mark Twain, Adventures of

Page 38: Writing Mistakes You're Making

Huckleberry Finn“Call me Ishmael.” – Herman Melville, Moby Dick“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.” – Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice“My father had a face that could stop a clock.” – Jasper Fforde, The Eyre Affair“I write this sitting in the kitchen sink.” – Dodie Smith, I Capture the Castle(Fun fact: In England, it's common practice to include the first line of a book as a round in pub quizzes.)

All of these first lines offer intrigue, they offer something you haven't heard before. If I'm deciding between a book who's first line is, “The rubber ducks' eyes seemed to follow me around the room,” and one who's is, “The rain came pouring down heavily, as the moon was covered by clouds,” which do you think I'll choose? Really, I'm serious, think about it. I can read about rubber ducks with moving eyes or...the weather.

After you've got your first sentence, the best thing to follow it up with is a good first paragraph (raise your hand if you saw that one coming). Keep the momentum going. If the rest of your first chapter is information dumping, at least make that first paragraph something that sucks the reader in. We're talking vortex here.

And, I know I just said something along the lines of “if the rest of your first chapter is information dumping” like you're allowed to do that, but you really aren't. Your first chapter should be centered around some sort of event. You can have information cushioning the action –– in fact, you should, without it we wouldn't know what's going on –– but like we talked about back in description, it should be dispersed throughout the chapter sparsely. We're looking for a light drizzle of dressing; don't be like my mom and dump half the bottle on the salad because you didn't know it wasn't a squirt lid. (Fun fact: We still mock her for that to this day.)

Page 39: Writing Mistakes You're Making

(Chapter SIX) Characters

Forward: They're Important

Your characters are extremely freaking important. Whatever your story is about, it’s following the lives of these fictional people. If their lives aren’t interesting, you’ve got no plot, and if you’ve got no plot you’ve got no story. If they aren't interesting, you've got even less of a story. So yeah, pay attention to the people you’re making up.

Side Note: I’ve already discussed the actual dialogue of the characters in the dialogue section –– I’m aware that it falls under the two categories, but I felt it fit better over there.

One of the Biggest Choices You Will Make

Before I even start in with the talk about what your characters do, one thing that makes a huge impression on your readers that you may be screwing up is the name. The name is super duper (uber) important. And because I'm sure you want your character to be special and unlike anything we've ever read, let me inform you of a thing you're doing in your general fiction that is one of the biggest turn-offs for a reader. You are choosing names that aren't common. You are choosing names like Michilasi, Dorranial, Elmeria, and Yolvika. You are choosing names that are not on babynames.com (or at least very, very low on the popularity list) because you think this means your character is more original. It doesn't –– but it does make things confusing.

Example: It's middle America; your typical teen wakes up, brushes their teeth, and eats breakfast with their typical blue collar parents. They go to their typical high school, and their best friend Soilsa walks up and says, "Hey Warmillan, what's up?" See how that doesn't fit? Not even a little bit?

Your name has to fit the character. If your character is from a tribe that lives deep in the African wilderness, the name of that character is not going to be Susie Evergreen, and vice versa. You will do much better picking an appropriate name than picking an outlandish one almost one hundred percent of the time (it's hard to do it right; if you want one of the few examples where it is done brilliantly, try Catch-22). You are not Joseph Heller, at least not yet, so please, no Yossarians or Major Major Major Majors in the cafeteria.

Now I know there are some of you out there who are saying, “well, am I supposed to name my centaur/fairy/faerie/mermaid/witch/wizard/sorceress/goblin Joe?” The answer is no –– your centaur...goblin does not need to be named Joe. But please, most of us are sick of the Elmalondya’s of the writing world –– you can choose strange names that aren’t merely a bunch of random vowels with some l’s thrown in. (And no “Renesmee” either.) Here, I'll even make a short list to make it absolutely clear:

• General Fiction: No weird names unless you have a very good, well-explained reason• High Fantasy: This is a part of your world making; it's the one time when normal names like

Betsy and Monica are off-putting. So no normal names (like I said, your goblin shouldn't be named Joe) but keep things simple. Yes, make up the names, but make up names you can imagine someone actually using.

• Science Fiction: This one is up to you, you can either stick with regular names or use names as you imagine them being in the future.

• Contemporary/Urban Fantasy: This depends plot-to-plot. Usually a mix of normal and

Page 40: Writing Mistakes You're Making

made-up names based upon each character's origins is best.

Being a Well-Rounded Individual

Everyone is afraid that his or her characters are flat...uninteresting...boring, but how to go about rectifying this? Good characters are rounded individuals (we're talking bouncy ball round). They’ve got good qualities and bad. Make a list of all the good and bad things about your character. If your character is essentially good or evil, of course one side will outweigh the other –– but if the only good quality you can find for your “evil villain” is that they wash their hair on a regular basis, perhaps it’s time to do some revisions and throw in a memory of them losing their favorite cat as a child to show they can feel pain.

Or if you’re going to go the devoid-of-anything-good route, give your character background and complexity (Voldemort hadn’t a decent bone in his body –– that doesn’t mean he’s boring). In fact, all of your characters should have background and complexity.

I’m sure you’ve heard of a Mary Sue –– a character so flawlessly perfect that every man in the room is in love with her (and who's surprised? After all, she's gorgeous but thinks of herself as plain or is really plain but has the hottest man in the world in love with her for no apparent reason anyways, trained in kung fu, speaks six languages, and always knows what to say in any given situation). This is not the goal. Odds are your main character is the good guy, but give them an issue or two. And no, you’re not allowed to go about this the same way you do on your college applications and say that the character’s biggest flaw is “they try too hard” or “they spend too much time revising their homework.” Everyone has bad things about them.

Example: I, for one, spend a large portion of my childhood verbally attacking my younger sister (everything from telling her that her nose was made of cheese to saying she was a dodo bird so ugly that when she was born all the other dodo birds took one look at her and died –– simultaneously explaining the extinction of the dodo bird and making my sister cry). But I grew out of that, and she grew out of her scratching-and-biting-me-so-hard-that-she-drew-blood phase (although it did take quite a few years), and now we’re extremely close.

Your character can also mature and develop into a better or worse person throughout the story –– watching the growth can be very interesting as long as it’s organic. They can’t wake up one day and suddenly decide to be a better person; events need to bring this about.

Understand What Strings You're Pulling

Characters, although good at heart, can make bad decisions. Or seemingly confusing ones. The important thing to remember is that characters always do things for a reason. And it is your job, as the author, to know what that reason is, even if the character doesn’t.

Example: Your character is afraid of the dark. They “always have been” and don’t know why. You, as the author, however, know without a shadow of a doubt that it was not “always that way” and the reason that the character is afraid of the dark is because once, when they were three, they crawled into Mommy’s closet and Mommy didn’t notice, so she turned off the light and shut the door, leaving the poor thing trapped in the dark for three hours before Mommy realized they weren’t in the crib taking a nap.

Same thing with what the character says. You always need to know why they said it. These things mirror real life. If a person barges into your great aunt Muriel’s funeral wearing a clown costume, holding a chinchilla, and starts reciting Homer’s The Odyssey, you can be damn sure there’s a very

Page 41: Writing Mistakes You're Making

specific reason for it (like they were working at a children’s party being held at a zoo when they got the news and knew that Muriel wanted The Odyssey recited at her funeral). You can’t decide characteristics of your character mid-way through the book –– the foundation should already be there, lying in wait like a crouching tiger for the perfect moment to reveal itself.

The Side Show

Your supporting act, the secondary characters, aren't quite as important as your main characters, but that doesn't mean you don't need to devote time to them. They need to be their own people, not just stick-figures that take whatever role your main character needs them to fill. And that's the problem: you have to strike a balance between too little detail and too much. Too little and they'll feel like placeholders only there to keep your book stocked in dialogue; too much and they're distracting from the main character's spotlight.

Well, who says you have to list everything you know about your characters in the book? There can be secrets, right? So, develop your secondary characters in your research just as thoroughly as you have for your main character. And then choose the main aspects that are the most important (a good way to choose is to think of it in terms of your main character. What about your secondary character do they really like, and what about them do they really hate? What parts of your secondary character's life relate directly to your main character?) and make sure you show those in your writing.

Example: Which details are more important? That John's best friends: 1) are on a synchronized swimming team and are expecting John to come to their big meet, or 2) live on Mulburry Hill. Answer: 1

Section Exercise

Having trouble developing just who your character is? Well, it might help to first get good at creating unique and complex characters in the first place (and then focus more in on what type of character you want for your story). Here are a few exercises for developing your character-creation skills:

1. Go to Google Images and search blanket terms, like “man,” “woman,” “girl,” “boy,” “couple,” etc. Choose a few photos and try and come up with a short backstory (aim for around 200 words) for each. You can also try to write a short scene which describes the event for which they are being photographed if you'd like.

2. Be a little kid again and play mad-libs with a friend or family member. Have them give you:• a number (the character's age)• a gender (the character's gender)• an activity (the character's hobby)• a book/movie (the character's favorite book/movie)• a city (the character's hometown) • anything else you can think of

And then try to compile all of these elements into a realistic person (meaning everything must make sense –– if their hobby is ice skating but they live in Egypt you need to find a logical reason for this.)

3. Pick your five favorite characters (or your least favorite, funniest, most dramatic, or any other category you can come up with) from books or movies. Now imagine what a person who had traits from all five of these people would be like (the traits can be based on looks or personality or environment). Again, the goal of this is to create someone that is unique but plausible! (It does no good to develop wacky characters that aren't plausible to the reader. If you want to give

Page 42: Writing Mistakes You're Making

them the ability to speak fifty languages, remember you need a reason for why they can do this.)4. List all of the traits about yourself that you can think of. Spend at least ten minutes on this, and just make sure you keep going and don't stop. When you're done, use all that you've come up with as inspiration for the types of qualities you can assign to your characters. 5. If you're ready to tackle your own character now, try to fill up a paper (on your word processor or a simple sheet of looseleaf) with all that you know about them. If you can do it (better yet, if you don't want to stop at the end of the page because you have more to say) then it's clear you have a well-thought out character!

Page 43: Writing Mistakes You're Making

(Chapter SEVEN)Narration

Your Narrator is a Character Too

Perhaps the most important character of them all –– pay special attention to your narrator.

If it’s in first person, the narrator’s voice should match the main character’s actions and dialogue (because they’re the same person don't you know). Do you know anyone who describes themselves writing as, “My hand elegantly crossed the page as I grasped the pen in my slender fingers”? Most people aren't quite so vain as to say things like that, no matter how it might look to the outside world.

Also, remember that you aren’t allowed to know anything that your main character doesn’t know. It’s like a Nancy Drew computer game –– you don’t learn things until you talk to people and do things. If your character reads a newspaper article that only lists a person’s first name –– that’s all they know. They can’t go on later to a conversation and mention that person’s last name. In first person you do not know what other characters are thinking.

In third person, things are blurrier. You can have omniscient third person, which means the narrator knows everything (like God –– sees all, hears all), or limited third person, which means they only know what one of the characters is thinking (the main character).

What all of this essentially means is your narrator is another character for you to utilize.

Third Person Narrator Personality

Developing a personality for a third person narrator can be a difficult task for some, because they aren't writing with a narrator in mind; they are simply writing to tell the story. But your work can be vastly improved if you decide who this narrator person is exactly, in relation to the story.

Example: In the short story A Rose For Emily, by William Faulkner, the narrator of the piece is the collective townspeople of Yoknapatawpha County, where the story is set.

If you can’t decide or don’t want to decide (instead leaving it a mysterious outside force) you can still develop a unique personality for the narrator. Maybe the narrator is witty, or sarcastic, or downright sadistic. Or are they completely somber, and they do is tell the story like it is, no twist whatsoever? Whatever it is, make the decision, and keep it in the back of your mind that you're telling your story from that point of view. It makes things so much more interesting, and if you consciously think about it, we won't get accosted with a sudden narrator-personality-transplant midway through reading the book.

Drama Queens Are A No-No!

One of the most important things that I can say to you about your narrator’s voice is that nobody likes a drama queen. If in every five paragraphs you have a short one liner for a paragraph that is supposed to add dramatic effect, it’s going to stop added dramatic effect pretty darn quick.

Another common abuse of writings aiming for dramatic effect is to repeat a few words over and over with a different ending (this was also spoken about back in the Dialogue section). These are nice once in a blue moon, but again, when every other breath it's occurring, it’s being utilized far past the saturation point.

Page 44: Writing Mistakes You're Making

Example of the last two points: (matching colors indicate repetitive phrases)“She saw the wave hurdling closer, and closer, and closer. Soon it would overtake her small rowing boat and toss her into the deep depths of the sea. She wasn’t prepared for this; she wasn’t ready. Looking as the wave grew greater before her, she knew that nothing could have prepared her for this; nothing could have made her ready. The deep, ever so deep depths of the sea were waiting for her; the wave was hurdling yet closer. No terrible experience of any man, imagined or otherwise, could have even come close to this.She was going to drown.She was going to be encased in water, and die. She was going to leave this world. The thunder roared in her ears and lightning bolts struck left and right. She’d never seen a storm this bad, and out on the open waters, it was worse than she could ever have imagined. The boat rocked back and forth, threatening to tip over at least once every five minutes. But the wave, quickly approaching, would take care of that. It would capsize the boat and destroy it in the process. And somehow, in the midst of all of this craziness, she could only think of one thing.Him.Him, laughing and smiling at her because she had said something funny. Him, leaning over to whisper something in her ear. Him, giving her a rose on their first date. Him, tilting up her chin for that first, magical kiss....And then the wave broke.”

You'll notice there were (count 'em) one...two...three...four –– four sentences out of twenty-one that weren't repetition.

So again I say, nobody likes a drama queen.

Multiple Viewpoints

A hot new (or not so new) craze at the moment is writing a story from multiple viewpoints (meaning multiple first person narrators), commonly switching off every chapter, or in some case even more frequently.

Benefits of multiple viewpoints: • It switches things up for the reader; it can make the book more interesting• It offers more information, because you're following the lives of two people instead of just

one• If the reader doesn't like one of the main characters the other might keep them reading

anyways• It provides contrast

Disadvantages of multiple viewpoints: • If the characters' narrational voices aren't unique enough it will seem like characters are the

same person, leading to boredom or confusion among the readers• If it doesn't aid the book in anyway, people will view it as a cheap trick to make your book

more interesting than it is

If you're writing with two viewpoints the single most important thing I think you need to make sure of is that the two are extremely different. The contrast is what makes alternating viewpoints work; the fact that one moment you're seeing the cake as an enormous pile of calories that you wouldn't touch with a ten-foot-pole and on the next page it's the most delicious icing you've ever tasted. It

Page 45: Writing Mistakes You're Making

creates tension and interest and it can really improve a story line, as long as the two characters each have a unique take on matters.

Example: In John Green and David Levinthan's Will Grayson, Will Grayson, the point of view alternates between a straight, typical teenage boy who lives by the rule of “don't care,” and another boy, this one a closet gay who's seriously depressed and who's life centers around a guy he knows only through the internet. Can you see how that might provide contrast? There you go. That's what you want.

Unconventional, or “Poetic,” Sentence Structure

Example: “Pointing at a woman struggling with the hands of two little girls at the bus stop, angry-faced and exhausted-looking, quick smack one, two, on the back of the girls' heads.” –– Elizabeth Scott, Living Dead Girl. “the thing is you can get used to anything you think you can't you want to die but you don't you can't you just are” –– Elizabeth Scott, Living Dead Girl.“My fingers reach through the screen and comb through the garbage until they find the home of the shrieking chorus, hungry girls singing endless anthems while our throats bleed and rust and fill up with loneliness. I could scroll through these songs for the rest o my life and never find the beginning.” –– Laurie Halse Anderson, Wintergirls.

This is a style of writing that tends to be more stylistically similar towards poetry than conventional prose. It uses extensive metaphor to portray ideas and generally flows more fluidly (fewer simple sentences and more grouping of phrases into longer-than-normal sentences). This style is known as taking a more interpretive approach to punctuation, in that it is often left out or added where it is not grammatical appropriate in order to better emphasize the point.

While this style can be beautiful and moving, it is true that in excess it can annoy readers. But the other extreme –– of only using this style once or twice in your book –– will only confuse readers and most likely wouldn't be holding true. If you plan on using this style in your writing you should focus on using it for moments that utilize it to the fullest; the point is to emphasize something, usually an enhanced emotional state, so don't use it to describe brushing your teeth.

For a better understanding of this style and to see examples of it being used perfectly, I highly recommend the quoted books in the example above (though I warn you neither are for the faint of heart).

Opposite Gender Voice

(Fun fact: In older times, pink was for boys and blue was for girls.)

What's necessary to remember when writing from the point of view of a boy when you're a girl, or a girl when you're a boy, is that we are all human. Remember that, and the fact that most stereotypes don't apply to everyone, and you're golden.

Indeed, there are certain character traits that most girls seem to share, and some that most boys appear to have in common (guys aren't going to care about minimizing their pores and girls most likely won't find farts funny) but the cool thing about your character is that it's your character! So he or she can act however you want them to act.

You want to make your character realistic? The best way to go about that is to:1. Ignore over-the-top stereotypes, like that guys only ever think about getting laid or that girls

Page 46: Writing Mistakes You're Making

are only irrationally mad during their periods 2. Read books told in the viewpoint you're going for to get a general idea of things (remember

not to be a copycat though!) For girls, I'd recommend anything by John Green, and for guys...well guys, it shouldn't be too hard to find a YA book with a teenage girl narrating.

3. Write how you think your character, regardless of gender, would write.

Section Exercise

To truly understand and practice the concept of how a story can be presented differently using different narrators, pick a scene from your writing –– or write a new short story just for the task if you're feeling ambitious! –– and then rewrite it from the point of view of different narrators. Examples of possible narrators:

• First person of each of the characters in the scene• First person from a character that is observing the scene (as in, the other characters are not

aware of this character's presence –– pretend they're staring in through the window or something of the sort)

• Second person from each of the characters in the scene (remember, this would go something like, “You say 'hello' to me but I ignore you,” or “I say 'hello' to you but you ignore me.”)

• Third person general (don't give yourself a specific character to write from, just write it) • Third person from the mother of one of the characters (would she have an approving tone of

her child's actions or not?)• Third person from the sister or brother of one of the characters (would they find it cool or

boring? Would they call their sibling in the story names or make fun of their actions?)• Third person from a prison inmate (don't ask how the prison inmate is seeing this event

occurring, just write!)• Third person from an animal's point of view • Any other possible narrators you can think of

Now once you've rewritten the scene four or five times, all with different narrators, compare and contrast –– see how different they are? Pretty cool considering the same thing is happening in each version.

Page 47: Writing Mistakes You're Making

(Chapter EIGHT) Poetry

Poetry. What is it?

Poetry = Emotion

Yeah, things get a lot more technical than “emotion,” but that is the essence of the matter. What separates it from books is that a book gives you 60,000 words to feel something –– a poem has to get the message through to you much faster, sometimes in as few as seventeen syllables (Haiku).

So above everything, the reason you write poetry is to get an emotion out and make the reader feel it as strongly as you did writing it. Sure, there are ways to make the emotion come across more accessibly (rhythm, rhyming, etc.), which is what I will talk about, but remember: if you don't feel anything while you're writing it isn't going to turn out well.

Rhythm

You know how when you were in English class and the teacher was fan-girl raving over Shakespeare's totally sick iambic pentameter skills? Well they act that way for a reason –– rhythm is important. Rhythm can make or break a poem –– while rhyming or repetition or metaphor are all nice in a poem, none are necessary like rhythm is.

Good rhythm in a poem is when you read it aloud and it has a specific cadence to it, one that you pick up on and use automatically while reading.

Example:“Jack and Jill went up the hillTo fetch a pail of water.Jack fell down and broke his crown,And Jill came tumbling after.”Now, ask ten different people to read this poem, and you'll notice they all read it the same way. If it has good rhythm; it's clear, easy to follow and our voices slip into it without even trying.

This is what you need to achieve with your poem's rhythm. The only way you're going to achieve this is if you read it aloud. And then read it again. Aloud. And again. And then give it to a friend, and listen to them read it aloud. If it comes out sounding sing-songy, you've hit the mark.

Do You Want to Rhyme?

Is rhyming necessary in a poem? No. Is it nice when it's done well? Yes.

Before you whip out your rhyming dictionary (or rhymezone.com), make sure you want to rhyme in your poem. Rhymes tend to demonstrate more thought –– not more emotion, or more effort, just more thought –– so they tend to be less raw than free verse. If you want to write about how beautiful this sunny day is, rhyming may be the way to go; if you want to write about how much pain you were in when your boyfriend left you for your awful sister, and it happened yesterday, free verse would most likely be a better choice.

Page 48: Writing Mistakes You're Making

So if you are going to rhyme, remember rhymes only work if you have good rhythm. (It all comes back to the rhythm, now doesn't it?) Syllable count, people.

Example:“I was walking by When I saw a flyHe buzzed and sangAnd crashed, with a bang”or“I was walking byWhen on my way to the store I ran into this humongous flyHe was buzzing all around and zipping and sangAnd crashed – bang”Which of the two works better? Yup, 'tis the first. Rhyming words at the end of each line does not a good poem make: similar syllable counts are important too. If you can't count syllables in your head, try the hand-under-the-chin trick. Read the line aloud, and every time your chin goes down, count a syllable.

Remember though, the lines don't have to have the exact same count. For instance, “He buzzed and sang” is only four syllables, while the next line is five. It's okay; you only need to be in the ballpark, or close enough that when you read it aloud you don't notice the difference.

Rhyme Schemes

You don't have to use the each-two-lines-rhyme scheme if you don't want to. Challenge yourself: there are plenty of poetry-types to choose from.

The way we identify the rhyme scheme of a poem is with letters, where each rhyme gets its own, in alphabetical order. So for example, “I saw a bee/In a tree/He was mean/He was lean” would be AABB, and “I saw a bee/He was mean/In a tree/He was lean” would be ABAB. Rhyme schemes can seem complicated as you go along, like “ABABCDCDEFEFAA” or other similar long chains, but remember they're not half bad!

To find the rhyme scheme of your poem, go through and write A next to the first two rhyming lines, and move through the poem in the same manner. Keep in mind, if you rhyme “bee/tree” at the beginning and five lines later you rhyme “me/we” those are all the same letter, because they all rhyme with one another.

Some common rhyme schemes:Couplet: AA, but is usually used as AA BB CC, ….Cinquain: ABABBEnclosed rhyme: ABBALimerick: AABBA4-line: ABCBSonnet (Shakespearean): ABAB CDCD EFEF GGTriplet: AAA, but is usually used as AAA BBB CCC ….

Specific Exercise: Rhyming Schemes

If you aren't sure which rhyme scheme you'd like to use, try this. First, write down four columns of three to five rhyming words in each column (for example, one column might be “Crack, quack, mack, lack, whack”). Then see how many different rhyme schemes you can use the words for to

Page 49: Writing Mistakes You're Making

write about a specific idea. Who knows, your favorite result of this might be something you want to work on further!

Choosing Rhymes

Choosing your rhymes is tricky. You can't use the cliché rhymes everyone has seen a million times, because then people don't feel anything original from the poem and it comes off as fake. And you also can't simply throw in a word to make the lines rhyme. It's obvious when you've taken a line you wrote and twisted it weirdly to make a rhyming word fit. The reader might not know that's what you've done, but it is painfully obvious something isn't working.

Part of this problem is people only know so many rhyming words off hand. If everyone is using the same words they learned from the sixth grade poetry unit, that's no fun! How to rectify this? Well, you could work on getting a bigger vocabulary. But if the SAT flashcards don't appeal, try getting inspiration from songs. Sometimes it isn't until you've read a song's lyrics online that you realize how brilliant a particular rhyme is, and it might give you ideas for rhymes you could use. Or if you have one half of the rhyme done, but can't come up with a pairing word (well that's the hard part, after all) try a rhyming dictionary, or my personal go-to source, rhymezone.com.

Another part of it is a lot of you don't seem to think near-rhymes count. They certainly do! Just because if you sit down and clearly enunciate each word it becomes evident they don't quite rhyme doesn't mean it's not an option. People reading poems aren't doing that and neither should you. If it sounds close enough, it's perfectly alright. Totally legal. One hundred percent legit. (Alright, maybe like 90% legit. But still.)

Free Verse

Free Verse is almost harder than rhyming because it depends entirely on you writing a good enough rhythm that the reader doesn't feel a lack of anything. The benefit of free verse though is you don't need anything more than a method of writing to go. You don't have to think about a particular subject, or the structure of the poem, all that needs to happen is you put your pen to the paper (or fingers to the keyboard) and write whatever the heck you feel like.

Example: I feel the pressure beating down on me It’s so heavy like lead weights on my thoughtsI am at the bottom of the ocean and I can’t breatheExcept for the fact that I can (joy)Pushing me shoving me pulling me into different directions that all lead To the same placeDo this and do that It’s not that easy I can’t just do this and do that because I feelLike doing this and doing that rips my brain too far into Different corners of my skullAnd it hurts, like fucking hell it hurtsorThis tree is big and brown with bark and leavesAnd magical thingsStretching out for the skyI wish I could feel the sun like thatTo all my extremities, fulfilling meNourishing, caring for my every need

Page 50: Writing Mistakes You're Making

That golden light Lucky friggin' tree

You don't have to care about syllable counts or getting metaphors in there, or any of that. You let it spew out of you, and when you're done, you take a look and see if it's something you want to devote time to editing or if you want to leave it in its current, raw state. Perhaps you want to scrap it altogether, or, just maybe, it's got a special place saved for it in the back of your diary that you pray to some deity in the sky no one will find. It's up to you to do with as you will. Free Verse is a liberating thing; sometimes that in itself is all the reward you need from your writing.

However, if you do plan on editing, be critical. Almost nothing you write is perfect after one go. For instance, if I were planning on showing my off-the-cuff tree poem to someone (besides you lovely, nonjudgmental folks) I might just take the “friggin'” out –– doesn't quite go with the poem's motif, if you catch my drift.

Finding a Topic

If you're having a hard time getting started with a poem for lack of a subject, remember: poetry comes from the same place as inspiration for books –– life! Try drawing from nature –– Haikus are classically about Mother Earth –– or go for something a little bizarre, like that crazy dream you had last night about a flying cow taking you to Israel. With poetry you can write about whatever you want. (And the best part is that if people don't get your poem you can tell them it's intellectually above them and of course they wouldn't understand something so complex.)

When your inspiration-well is dry, and nothing is striking you as a potential topic, try not being so specific about things. You don't have to write about the ecological downside of slash-and-burn farming techniques, but you could write about how “Mother Nature is dying, and we are the ones killing her.” Poetry is perfect for getting metaphorical about life and keeping things foggy and nondescript.

Page 51: Writing Mistakes You're Making

Conclusion

The most important part of a story is debatable. Some would argue it’s the plot, while others would say it’s the depth of the characters. I think a big weakness in any of the categories I’ve mentioned in this essay will lend itself to an overall weakness in your story (save perhaps Poetry, seeing as a book doesn't necessarily include poems). It doesn’t matter how amazing your plot is if your grammar makes it unreadable, and if you have so many plot twists I’m left in the dust it won’t matter to me that your characters are realistic.

So please, take everything into consideration, but remember I’m not forcing you follow all my rules. You and I have stylistic differences (unless you're my writing clone...at which point, creepy!), and I am not the voice of every reader who will look at your stuff. If you feel strongly that I’m wrong about something I’ve said, don’t feel pressured to bend yourself to my will. Many of the best writers have been rule breakers (that's how we end up with new rules)!

Page 52: Writing Mistakes You're Making

Link Resources

http://orangoo.com/spellcheck/ –– free online spell check; all you have to do is copy and paste from your word processor.

http://www.esc.edu/esconline/across_esc/writerscomplex.nsf/0/b6e109bb00fbaf3d852569c30072f54d?OpenDocument –– information in reference to parentheses.

http://www.cliffsnotes.com/study_guide/Uses –of-Parentheses.topicArticleId-29011,articleId- 28994.html –– information in reference to parentheses.

http://www.editminion.com –– “EditMinion helps you refine your writing by searching your text for some common grammatical, spelling and diction mistakes that spellcheck won’t catch. It looks for adverbs, bad dialogue attribution, commonly misspelled words and ending a sentence with a preposition. It will also count how many times a given type of mistake is found.” –– Writeordie website (http://writeordie.com/2010/12/introducing-the-editminion/).

http://www.writeordie.com –– this site works as a motivator to keep writing no matter what, without stopping to edit. Good for getting those NaNoWriMo juices flowing.

http://www.businessknowhow.com/writers/aquillinhand/qhclichefree.htm –– a list of common clichés to avoid using in your narration (if used in dialogue to present character quirks, that is alright).

http://www.pantagraph.com/news/article_a125216a-649f-5414-88b5-76a688ea3b6a.html – Pantagraph's list of 100 best first lines of novels.

http://www.ipl.org/div/farq/plotFARQ.html –– List of the basic plot lines in literature.

http://deenashoemaker.blogspot.com/2011/05/tuesday-tips-alternate-viewpoints-when.html –– A comprehensive view on alternating points of view in your book.

Page 53: Writing Mistakes You're Making

Referenced Book List:

Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, Mark Twain

Moby Dick, Herman Melville

Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austin

Harry Potter Series, J.K. Rowling

Looking for Alaska, John Green

Twilight, Stephenie Meyer

Catch-22, Joseph Heller

The Hunger Games Trilogy, Suzanne Collins

Life of Pi, Yann Matel

The Pearl, John Steinbeck

Speak, Laurie Halse Anderson

Living Dead Girl, Elizabeth Scott

Wintergirls, Laurie Halse Anderson

The Odyssey, Homer

This Lullaby, Sarah Dessen

Gregor the Overlander, Suzanne Collins

Aladdin, [Middle Eastern Folk Tale]

Eragon, Christopher Paolini

His Dark Materials, Phillip Pullman

Graceling, Kristen Cashore