Writing in Content Areas Kevin R. Raczynski The Georgia Center for Assessment [email protected]...

Writing in Content Areas

Kevin R. Raczynski The Georgia Center for Assessment

[email protected] (direct)

mailto:[email protected]

Today’s Objectives 1) Look at a few reasons why writing more in all content

areas is an excellent idea.

2) Discuss some tips for creating an effective bank of writing prompts.

3) Review some practical steps for scoring these responses consistently—What to look for, using the G8WA Rubrics

4) Do some scoring yourselves.

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Why Have More Writing in Content Areas?Some answers:

• Research studies have demonstrated that exposing students to well-designed writing topics improves student learning outcomes.

• For example, Hand, Hohenshell, & Prain (2003) demonstrated that Biology students exposed to a larger number of writing assignments performed better on a final exam in Biology.

That is, students engaged in writing become more adept writers, but there is also evidence that they perform more favorably on objective tests (e.g., multiple-choice tests).

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Why Have More Writing in Content Areas?Some more answers:

To an ever increasing degree, students will communicate what they know through writing (Peterson, 2007). For example…

• Assignments in your class• The Grade 8 Writing Assessment• The Georgia High School Writing Test• The Gateway• The SAT• Advanced Placement Tests• University assignments and tests

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The good news is that these writing contexts have A LOT in common. For example, a common prompt structure

Writing Situation (“A” Part)One sentence introducing the general topic. One to two sentences providing some broader context.

Directions for Writing (“B” Part)The actual question—asking the student to communicate clearly about specific aspects of the general topic (1-2 sentences).

General Topic

Context for theTopic

Format, purpose,audience, & task

2009 Persuasive Writing Topic

Writing Situation Your principal would like to add a new class that is not currently offered in your school. The principal has asked students to make recommendations about new classes. Decide what class you would recommend for your school.

Directions for Writing Write a letter to convince the principal that your new class is the best one for the school. Be sure to include detailed reasons.

General Topic



Georgia High School Writing Test

Writing Situation (“A” Part)Many states are increasing the minimum driving age to prevent accidents involving teenage drivers. Some teenagers are worried because they depend on driving to get to work or school activities. Decide what you think about the issue.

Directions for Writing (“B” Part)Write a letter to your state representative that explains why the driving age in Georgia should be raised, lowered, or remain the same. Support your position with specific examples and details.

General Topic



SAT WritingExcerpt (“A” Part)Winning does not require people to be against someone else; people can reach their goals through cooperation just as well as they can through competition. Winning is not always the result of selfish individualism. People achieve happiness by cooperating with others to increase the happiness of all, rather than by winning at others' expense. Ours is not a world in which the price of one person's happiness is someone else's unhappiness.

Assignment (“B” Part)When some people win, must others lose, or are there situations in which everyone wins? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

General Topic


Writer’s task

Part 1: Creating a Prompt Bank

1. Prompts for Longer Assignments (1-4 per year)

2. Prompts for Tests and Assignments (every unit)

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Creating a GOOD prompt bank

1) Identify what you’re trying to measure.

2) Make the question manageable for the student.

• “Manageable”: The student could reasonably respond in the allotted time, and the expectations are CLEAR.

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A Problem: A question that overwhelmsPart A: The creation of the Constitution entailed hours of debate and compromise, and even when it was

completed, some delegates were unhappy with it. In general, the Federalists wanted to ratify the Constitution, but the Anti-Federalists did not. The task of fixing the ailing Confederate government was not complete yet; each state had to ratify, or approve, the Constitution. Basically, people divided into two groups, the Federalists and the Anti-Federalists. Each of their viewpoints is worth examining, as they both have sound reasoning. The Anti-Federalists did not want to ratify the Constitution. Basically, they argue that:

• It gave too much power to the national government at the expense of the state governments. • There was no bill of rights. • The national government could maintain an army in peacetime. • Congress, because of the necessary and proper clause,' wielded too much power. • The executive branch held too much power.

The Federalists, on the other hand, had answers to all of the Anti-Federalist complaints. Among them: • The separation of powers into three independent branches protected the rights of the people. Each

branch represents a different aspect of the people, and because all three branches are equal, no one group can assume control over another.

• A listing of rights can be a dangerous thing. If the national government were to protect specific listed rights, what would stop it from violating rights other than the listed ones? Since we can't list all the rights, the Federalists argued that it's better to list none at all.

Part B: Write a report explaining why the Federalists wanted to ratify the Constitution and why the Anti-Federalists did not. Then, take the part of either Thomas Jefferson with the Anti-Federalists or Alexander Hamilton with the Federalists and explain how your opinions would help develop a better government for the United States.

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A Solution: Use the State Format

Writing Situation (“A” Part)One sentence introducing the general topic. One to two sentences providing some broader context.

Directions for Writing (“B” Part)The actual question—asking the student to communicate clearly about specific aspects of the general topic (1-2 sentences).

General Topic



The Big Picture: What am I trying to measure with this writing prompt?

Start with the standards: for example, 6th Grade Science

Cognitive Standard: Communicate ideas clearly (all grades)

Content Standard: Describe what causes tectonic plates to move and the major geological events that occur as a result.

For example, can the student communicate clearly about how convection currents cause lithospheric plates to move and the consequences of this movement?

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The End Product

Writing SituationAs an expert on the theory of plate tectonics, you have been asked to give a speech at the 2008 World Geology Conference explaining how the movement of the tectonic plates on the lithosphere cause change on the surface of the earth.

Directions for WritingWrite a speech explaining what causes movement of the tectonic plates, and then describe the major geological events that this movement has created on the Earth’s surface at:

• Convergent Boundaries• Divergent Boundaries• Transform Boundaries

General Topic and Context


Shorter questions can follow the same structure

Writing SituationDay one of your voyage takes you to the lithosphere in the Earth’s magma. This is where convection currents occur.

Directions for WritingWrite a one paragraph journal entry explaining how convection currents occur and cause lithospheric plates to move.

General Topic & Context

The Writer’s Task


Start with the standards: for example, Grade 7 Social Studies


Content Standard: Describe the historical events and religious differences that have led to conflict between Israel and Palestine.

For example, can the student communicate clearly about the Israeli and Palestinian conflict?

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The End Product

Writing SituationThis unit we have discussed the ongoing conflicts between Israel and Palestine. Some of the reasons for this conflict include control of land and cultural differences. You are a reporter investigating this conflict.

Directions for WritingWrite a news article explaining the ongoing conflict between Israel and Palestine. Be sure to discuss:

• Specific historical events that led to conflict• Religious differences for the continuing conflicts• How the conflict continues today

General Topic

Context for the

Topic


Shorter questions can follow the same structure

Writing SituationThis unit we have discussed the ongoing conflicts between Israel and Palestine.

Directions for WritingIn one paragraph, describe how the Camp David Accords affected relations between Israelis and Palestinians.


The Writer’s Task


Start with the standards: for example, Grade 8 Math


Content Standard: The student will understand the laws of probability.

For example, can the student communicate clearly about the laws of probability?

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I recommend short answer essay questions for mathematics

Writing SituationYou are at Six Flags, and you notice a booth called “Challenge the Math Wizard.” If you successfully answer the Math Wizard’s question, you win free admission to Six Flags. You decide to accept the challenge.

Directions for WritingThe Math wizard asks you this question:

Which of these 2 scenarios is more probable?

a) If you flip a fair coin five times it will be heads exactly twice.b) If you flip a fair coin ten times it will be heads exactly three

times.

In one paragraph, explain which scenario is more probable by setting up the equation and solving for the probability of both.


The Writer’s Task

Some things to keep in mind…

• Keep it clear.• Keep it concise.• Avoid irrelevant information.

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Part 2: What to look for when scoring responses

1. Ideas2. Organization3. Style4. Conventions

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What’s being assessed?Georgia Grade 8 Writing Assessment

Ideas

Organization

Style

Conventions

What’s being assessed?Georgia High School Writing Test

Ideas

Organization

Style

Conventions

What’s being assessed?SAT Writing

Ideas: The degree to which the writer develops a point of view on the issue and demonstrates critical thinking, using clearly appropriate examples, reasons, and other evidence to support the position

Organization: The degree to which the response is well organized and clearly focused, demonstrating clear coherence and smooth progression of ideas

Style: The degree to which the response exhibits skillful use of language, using a varied, accurate, and apt vocabulary and demonstrates meaningful variety in sentence structure

Conventions: The degree to which the response is free of most errors in grammar, usage, and mechanics

For the scoring rubrics, visit http://www.collegeboard.com/student/testing/sat/about/sat/essay_scoring.html)

What’s being assessed?AP Exam in Lit./Comp.

“The score reflects the quality of the essay as a whole—its content (ideas and how they’re organized), its style, its mechanics (conventions).”

For question-specific scoring guides, visit www.collegeboard.com.

What’s being assessed?

First-Year Comp. at UGA…slightly different names; same traits • Unity: a central idea, and evidence

organized around the central idea.

• Evidence/ Development (Ideas)

• Coherence (Ideas and Organization)

• Presentation and Design (Conventions)

• Audience Awareness (Style)

• Distinction (Style)

For more info, visit http://web.english.uga.edu.

The Components of Ideas

IDEAS

Controlling Idea

Supporting Ideas

Relevance of Detail

Depth of Development

Sense ofCompleteness

AwarenessOf Genre

Ideas: The degree to which the writer establishes a controlling idea and elaborates the main points with examples, illustrations, facts, or details that are appropriate to the assigned genre.

Depth of Development: the key to Ideas

Controlling Idea (Focus)

Relevant Supporting Ideas

Major Details

Specific Examples

And Elaboration

2009 Persuasive Writing Topic

Writing Situation Your principal would like to add a new class that is not currently offered in your school. The principal has asked students to make recommendations about new classes. Decide what class you would recommend for your school.

Directions for Writing Write a letter to convince the principal that your new class is the best one for the school. Be sure to include detailed reasons.

General Topic



Example of Depth of Developmentin a Paragraph

Sample Body Paragraph

We really need this class so girls won’t think we are total idiots. When you approach a female you don’t just say “Can I have your phone number.” You should tell them a little about yourself. I always tell girls that I’m sensitive and a good listener. Also, try to make up a good topic to talk on. Ask her whether she watches shows like The Office. If she does, you can talk about how lame Michael Scott is around girls in his office. That will probably make for some laughter.

From a student’s response to prompt 112.

Supporting Idea

Major Details

Specific Details and Examples

Controlling Idea: Why not add a class called Talkin’ to Girls? It will help prepare

young men for this important task.

Example of Depth of Developmentin Score Point 1

I would like to recommend that we have a class for the boys. The name of this class is Talkin’ to Girls. This class will help prepare young men to be able to talk to females.

We really need this class so girls won’t think we are total idiots.

The problem now is that boys are totally uncomfortable around girls. This class would help boys feel more confident.

Plus, this class won’t require a lot. So lots of boys will take it.



We really need this class so girls won’t think we are total idiots. When you talk to girls, you should tell them a little about yourself. Try to make up a good topic to talk on.

The problem now is that boys are totally uncomfortable around girls. This class would help boys feel more confident. It will have lots of lessons that are hands-on that put boys in real-life situations talking to girls.

This class won’t require a lot. All you have to do is sign up for it and bring a few basic supplies. The class will require lots of reading and studying, which will help boys succeed.

In no time, you will be confident enough to go talk to the girl of your dreams.

Example of Depth of Development in Score Point 3 I would like to recommend that we have a class for the boys. The name

of this class is Talkin’ to Girls. This class will help prepare young men to be able to talk to females. The reason why we need this class is so that we can prepare the boys for all of the emotions they are going to experience.

We really need this class so girls won’t think we are total idiots. When you approach a female you don’t just say “Can I have your phone number.” You should tell them a little about yourself. Try to make up a good topic to talk on. Be interested in what she likes and does. Always be confident and look your best. Girls like it when boys pay attention to them.

The problem now is that boys are totally uncomfortable around girls. This class would help boys feel more confident. It will have lots of lessons that are hands-on that put boys in real-life situations talking to girls. Me, I have this stuff down pat. I just want to help some friends out.

This class won’t require a lot. All you have to do is sign up for it and bring a few basic supplies, like a pencil and notebook. This class is open to all males. The class will require lots of reading and studying, but as I said, it also requires some participation. Boys will be able to practice by talking to a mannequin.


Example of Depth of Development in Score Point 4 I would like to recommend that we have a class for the boys. The name


We really need this class so girls won’t think we are total idiots. When you approach a female you don’t just say “Can I have your phone number.” You should tell them a little about yourself. Try to make up a good topic to talk on. Ask what she likes to do out of school or work. Be interested in what she likes and does. Always ask if she wants your number. If we had this class boys would be eager to talk because they would know what to say.

The problem now is that boys are totally uncomfortable around girls. When I am with my fiends and one of them spots a girl that we likes we all say, “I bet you won’t go over and talk to her.” That’s when I say in the back of my mind, “If only we were taught that in school.” This class would help boys be more comfortable around girls. Me, I have this stuff down pat. I just want to help some friends out.

This class won’t require a lot. All you need is a notebook, and a pencil. All you have to do is sign up for it. This class is open to all males. The class will require lots of reading and studying. In the classroom there is a female mannequin that responds to any comment made by a male. If the male says something stupid, the dummy will say “get lost.” This class requires some participation. All you to do is work hard and you’ll do great.


Example of Depth of Development in Score Point 5 For most boys, it is pretty nerve-wracking to let a girl know that you like her. So, I

was thinking, why not add a class called Talkin’ to Girls? It will help prepare young men for this important task.

We really need this class so girls won’t think we are total idiots. When you approach a female you don’t just say “Can I have your phone number.” You should tell them a little about yourself. I always tell girls that I’m sensitive and a good listener. Also, try to make up a good topic to talk on. Ask her whether she watches shows like The Office. If she does, you can talk about how lame Michael Scott is around girls in his office. That will probably make for some laughter. Oh, and always ask if she wants your number. If we had this class boys would be eager to talk because they would know what to say.

The problem now is that boys are totally uncomfortable around girls. When I am with my fiends and one of them spots a girl that he likes we all say, “I bet you won’t go over and talk to her.” That’s when I say in the back of my mind, “If only we were taught that in school.” This class would help boys be more comfortable around girls. Me, I have this stuff down pat. I just want to help some friends out.

This class won’t require a lot. All you need is a notebook, and a pencil. All you have to do is sign up for it. This class is open to all males. The class will require lots of reading and studying and there will be hands on activities. In the classroom there is a female mannequin that responds to any comment made by a male. If the male says something stupid, the dummy will say “get lost.” Or, if you have bad breath, the mannequin's face will turn green and she’ll fall down. Yikes! This class requires some participation. Everyone will get a change to talk to the mannequin at least once a week, on a variety of topics, like sports, movies, and Facebook.

In no time, boys will be confident enough to go talk to the girl of their dreams. Then, I can assure you that your students will freer and happier.

Example of Depth of Developmentin a Paragraph

Sample Body ParagraphConvergent boundaries are where plates move toward each other. It makes the stress compression. It is like squeezing your face together. Land forms are also created. When two continental plates collide, mountain ranges form. When an oceanic plate dives under a continental plate, subduction takes place.

Supporting Idea

Major Detail

Specific Details and Elaboration

Controlling Idea: Geological events occur when tectonic plates move because of convection currents.


Plat Tachtonics is when the Earthe moves because of plats. When the plats move we shake Like a earthquake when a earthqak happens the Earth moves.

Convection currents move tectonic plats because it spins in that is how convection corrents move Tectonic plates.

Covergent boundarys are a sort of movment in the Earth. Convergent Boundarys could mak mountions. Divergent Boundarys make tranches like underwater. Tranfsorm Boundary is a EarthQuak. Earthquak moves the ground. Like shaking it so we would move to.

The plate tactonics was fun to tell you about it but I have to

Development is relevant but it is very limited.

What to say to this student? More detail related to convection currents and the movement of tectonic plates.

Example of Depth of Development in Score Point 3 Our Earth is amazing, it can function all on its own without any help.

Earth moves, cracks, and changes all by itself. Earth also has 6 layers that make it up. Each layer is unique in its own way. The Lithosphere is one of the most important, it carries the tectonic plates. This causes major changes on the Earth.

Convection currents move the tectonic plates, the currents occur in the Asthenosphere. The heat and pressure in the Asthenosphere cause the currents to slowly move. Just above the currents is the plates, and the motion from the convection causes the plates to slowly move. They will only move a few inches a year.

The tectonic plates pull apart and crash together at plate boundaries, causing major geologic events. At plate boundaries the movement can cause three major types of boundaries, transform, divergent, and convergent. At a divergent boundary the two plates move apart. This can cause a rift valley or an Earthquake. At convergent boundaries the two plates collide. At a transform boundary the two plates slip past each other.

The convection currents cause the plates to move. Therefore that causes many major geologic events to occur on the Earth. This is how landforms come about and why the Earth is cracked. These geological events are always occurring. They might be slow but they really do happen. This is how plate movement causes change on Earth’s surface.

The student responds to both aspects of the prompt with quite a bit of major detail development. The response could definitely be more thorough, but the student makes a sufficient connection between convection currents and the movement of tectonic plates.

Example of Depth of Development in Score Point 5 If you did not know, there are many interesting things about the Earth’s tectonic plates. In the

theory of plate tectonics, the Earth’s lithosphere is broken into plates that are in constant motion, driven by convection currents in the asthenosphere. The asthenosphere is the soft layer on which the lithosphere, a rigid layer, floats.

Convection currents move the lithospheric plates. Heat from the Earth’s core causes particles to get less dense and therefore rise. Since the asthenosphere is soft and flexible, convection currents are able to form. The convection currents then move the lithospheric plates which are above it. The movement creates three different boundaries.

Convergent boundaries are where plates move toward each other. It makes the stress compression. It is like squeezing your face together. This also forms a reverse fault. A reverse fault is where the hanging wall is upward. Land forms are also created. When two continental plates collide, mountain ranges form. When an oceanic plate dives under a continental plate, subduction takes place. Subduction also forms trenches. Subduction makes oceans smaller, like the Pacific Ocean. Sometimes in the process a trench swallows a lot of the ocean, and that is what is happening with the Pacific, whereas the Atlantic is growing.

Another boundary is the divergent boundary. It is where plates move away from each other. Its stress is tension. The fault this forms is called a normal fault, where the footwall is higher. This boundary also creates landforms. A rift valley forms where two plates diverge from each other. An example of a divergent boundary landform is the mid-ocean ridge. It is the longest mountain chain in the world.

The last boundary is the transform boundary. It is when plates move in opposite directions. Its stress is called shearing. The fault this creates is called a strike-slip fault. Again, this is where plates move in opposite directions. An earthquake forms when the stress on a fault gets so intense that it snaps. This is yet another landform that can be created due to tectonic plates and more specifically in that category, stress.

You might not have thought about that tectonic plates and the boundaries, stresses, and faults they form are interesting, but I hope that now you see that they are very cool.

Heavy reliance on specific details and the writer goes into great detail when discussing all three boundaries. Well done!

The Components of Organization

ORGANIZATION

OverallPlan

IntroductionBody

Conclusion

Sequence Of

Ideas

Grouping Of

Ideas

GenreSpecific

Strategies

Transitions

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Organization: The degree to which a writer’s ideas are arranged in a clear order and the overall structure of the response is consistent with the assigned genre.

Introduction-Body-Conclusion

Introduction: Sets the stage for the development of the writer’s ideas and is consistent with the informational purpose of the paper.

Body: The details and examples that support the writer’s focus

Conclusion: Signals the reader that the paper is coming to a close

Grouping of Ideas

• In order to effectively group ideas in a piece of writing, the writer must first understand the logical relationships between the ideas that support the controlling idea.

• Grouping ideas within paragraphs is not the same as formatting paragraphs. Grouping involves the logical presentation of ideas rather than simply indenting to indicate the beginning of a paragraph.

• Even if a writer fails to correctly format paragraphs, ideas may still be grouped logically.

Ideas Grouped Logically

We also use technology to communicate. We already know the basics of emailing and using the internet, but we need more information. We need to learn more about what these tools can do for us. I’m sure that these lessons could help us communicate even more efficiently. Wouldn’t that be great?

Related Ideas GroupedConvergent boundaries are where plates move toward

each other. It makes the stress compression. It is like squeezing your face together. This also forms a reverse fault. A reverse fault is where the hanging wall is upward. Land forms are also created. When two continental plates collide, mountain ranges form. When an oceanic plate dives under a continental plate, subduction takes place. Subduction also forms trenches. Subduction makes oceans smaller, like the Pacific Ocean. Sometimes in the process a trench swallows a lot of the ocean, and that is what is happening with the Pacific, whereas the Atlantic is growing. (all details relate to convergent boundaries)

Sequencing of Ideas

Sequencing: The way the writer orders the ideas of the paper to implement the overall plan. Clear sequencing helps the reader understand the writer’s ideas.

Effective sequencing: Ideas build logically on one another and lead the reader through the paper.

Ineffective sequencing: The ideas may have little relationship to one another and could be presented in any order.

Effective Sequencing

My father builds things all the time. He teaches me how to build things whenever he can, but I think it would also be a good thing if we had a class that taught us how to build things. Working with our hands could be fun and rewarding. Plus, when we help other people on building projects, we could know what we’re doing.

Effective Sequencing

Its stress is called shearing. The fault this creates is called a strike-slip fault. This is where plates move in opposite directions. An earthquake forms when the stress on a fault gets so intense that it snaps. This is yet another landform that can be created due to tectonic plates and more specifically in that category, stress.

TransitionsMaking Connections Between Ideas

• Transitions lead the reader through the paper by linking parts of the paper and ideas within paragraphs.

• Transitions are used between sentences, between paragraphs, and within sentences and within paragraphs

• Transitions can signal the type of relationships between ideas• May be explicit or implicit

– May be a single word, a pronoun, a phrase, or a logical linking of ideas– Explicit transitional words: for instance, consequently– Implicit transitional devices: synonym and pronoun substitution,

moving from general to specific or from specific to general

Transitions in Action

Many students in this school have mind-blowing talents and abilities that have yet to be discovered. Not all kids excel in athletics or academics, however. Some students are gifted in expressing themselves through acting, dancing, and singing. That’s where a drama class comes in. It will encourage them to peer out from the shell they’ve been hiding under and set their feelings, thoughts, and emotions free.

Transitions in Action

The tectonic plates pull apart and crash together at plate boundaries, causing major geologic events. At plate boundaries the movement can cause three major types of boundaries, transform, divergent, and convergent. At a divergent boundary the two plates move apart. This can cause a rift valley or an Earthquake. At convergent boundaries the two plates collide. When this happens, geological features like mountains form. At a transform boundary the two plates slip past each other. Hold on when this happens because there will probably be en earthquake.

Example of Score Point 1 in Organization


We really need this class so girls won’t think we are total idiots.

The problem now is that boys are totally uncomfortable around girls. This class would help boys feel more confident.

This class won’t require a lot. So lots of boys will take it.

There is insufficient writing in this response to determine competence in ORGANIZATION.

Example of Score Point 2 in ORGANIZATIONI would like to recommend that we have a class for the boys.

First, we need this class so girls won’t think we are total idiots. Second, boys are totally uncomfortable around girls. Third, this class won’t require a lot.

The fist reason we need this class so girls won’t think we are total idiots. When you talk to girls, you should tell them a little about yourself. Try to make up a good topic to talk on.

The second reason we need the class is boys are totally uncomfortable around girls. This class would help boys feel more confident. It will have lots of lessons that are hands-on that put boys in real-life situations talking to girls.

Third, the class won’t require a lot. You just sign up for it and bring a few basic supplies. The class will require lots of reading and studying, which will help boys succeed.

So, to sum up, we need this class so girls won’t think we are total idiots, because boys are totally uncomfortable around girls, and because this class won’t require a lot.

The organizing strategy is formulaic. The writer shows only minimal control of grouping, sequencing, and transitions.

Related

Ideas

Grouped

Repetition

Supporting

ideas announced

in intro

Ideas

Repeated in

Conclusion

Example of Score Point 3 in ORGANIZATIONI would like to recommend that we have a class for the boys. The

name of this class is Talkin’ to Girls. This class will help prepare young men to be able to talk to females.





There is clear grouping. Sequencing is clear but not necessarily logical. Some transitions link ideas.

Related

Ideas

Grouped

Transitions

Ideas

Sequenced ()

Less

Repetition in

Conclusion

Intro is

Clear

Example of Score Point 4 in ORGANIZATIONEver see a boy stuttering when he is talking to a girl? I would like to

recommend that we have a class for the boys. The name of this class is Talkin’ to Girls. This class will help prepare young men to be able to talk to females.

The problem now is that boys are totally uncomfortable around girls. When I am with my fiends and one of them spots a girl that we likes we all say, “I bet you won’t go over and talk to her.” That’s when I say in the back of my mind, “If only we were taught that in school.” This class would help boys be more comfortable around girls. Me, I have this stuff down pat. I just want to help some friends out.

We really need this class so girls won’t think we are total idiots. When you approach a female you don’t just say “Can I have your phone number.” You should tell them a little about yourself. Try to make up a good topic to talk on. For example, ask what she likes to do out of school or work. Be interested in what she likes and does. Always ask if she wants your number. If we had this class boys would be eager to talk because they would know what to say.

This class won’t require a lot. All you need is a notebook, and a pencil. All you have to do is sign up for it, and participate! Speaking of participation, in the classroom there is a female mannequin that responds to any comment made by a male. If the male says something stupid, the dummy will say “get lost.” Don’t worry, though. You can try again until you get it right.

In no time, you will be confident enough to go talk to the girl of your dreams. So please add this class. The boys (and the girls) in this school will thank youThere is clear grouping. Sequencing is more consistently logical. A greater variety of transitions link ideas.

Related

Ideas

Grouped

Transitions

Ideas

Sequenced ()

Little

Repetition in

Conclusion

Intro is

Engaging

Example of Score Point 5 in ORGANIZATIONFor most boys, it is pretty nerve-wracking to let a girl know that you like her.

So, I was thinking, why not add a class called Talkin’ to Girls? It will help prepare young men for this important task.


We really need this class so girls won’t think we are total idiots. When you approach a female you don’t just say “Can I have your phone number.” You should tell them a little about yourself. For example, I always tell girls that I’m sensitive and a good listener. Also, try to make up a good topic to talk on. Ask her whether she watches shows like The Office. If she does, you can talk about how lame Michael Scott is around girls in his office. That will probably make for some laughter. Oh, and always ask if she wants your number. If we had this class boys would be eager to talk because they would know what to say.

This class won’t require a lot. All you need is a notebook, and a pencil. All you have to do is sign up for it. This class is open to all males. The class will require lots of reading and studying and there will be hands on activities. Speaking of hands on activities, in the classroom there is a female mannequin that responds to any comment made by a male. If the male says something stupid, the dummy will say “get lost.” Or, if you have bad breath, the mannequin's face will turn green and she’ll fall down. Yikes! This class requires some participation. Everyone will get a change to talk to the mannequin at least once a week, on a variety of topics, like sports, movies, and Facebook.


There is clear grouping. Sequencing is nearly always logical. A wide variety of transitions link ideas. The conclusion provides more definitive closure.

Related

Ideas

Grouped

Transitions

Ideas

Sequenced ()

Conclusion

Provides

Definitive

Closure.

Intro sets

stage





Too little evidence to determine how well the writer controls the components of Organization.


By now you should know about the Techtonic plates, but so what they’re moving, but you don’t know what happens on the surface, when they decide to move!

There are three things that happen, First a convergent boundry. A boundry where a plate, such as an oceanic plate “dives” under another plate, such as a continental plate. When this happens, the oceanic plate dives under the continental plate, the oceanic plate melts, but after melting it forms a pocket on the crust and eventually forms a volcano. Why dose it sink under, the ocean plate is dencer than the continental so it sinkes like a dime in a glass of water. Second a convergent (i.e., divergent) boundary, this boundry is where two plates are moving apart because a crack in the earth that is constantly letting magma in from the mantle, that is cooling and cooling untill it pushes them apart. Last, but not least, a transform boundry, this occurs when two plates try to slip by each other. If they get stuck the longer they stay there the longer the following earthquake will be.

There is some evidence of grouping and sequencing, but not much because there is relatively limited text. The introduction is not particularly effective, and there is no conclusion. There are, however, some transitions. Overall, the writer shows minimal control of the components of Organization.

Transitions


Our Earth is amazing, it can function all on its own without any help. Earth moves, cracks, and changes all by itself. Earth also has 6 layers that make it up. Each layer is unique in its own way. The Lithosphere is one of the most important, it carries the tectonic plates, the Earth’s crust is above. The convection currents in the Asthenosphere are what moves the plates. Earth has nine plates total, that pull apart and crash together.


The tectonic plates pull apart and crash together at plate boundaries, causing major geologic events. At plate boundaries the movement can cause three major types of boundaries, transform, divergent, and convergent. At a divergent boundary the two plates move apart. This can cause a rift valley or an Earthquake. At convergent boundaries the two plates collide. At a transform boundary the two plates slip past each other. The movement caused the theory of pangea and continental drift.

The convection currents cause the plates to move. Therefore that causes many major geologic events to occur on the Earth. This is how landforms come about and why the Earth is cracked. These geological events are always occurring. They might be slow but they really do happen. This is how plate movement causes change on Earth’s surface.Grouping, generally clear sequencing, and some transitions. The introduction is relatively engaging, but the conclusion is somewhat repetitive

RelatedIdeasGrouped

Transitions

Example of Score Point 4 in OrganizationHave you ever realized that what you are standing on is constantly moving in slow

motion? The lithosphere is a solid plate that is separated into two parts. The crust, and the mantle. Well upper mantle. In the asthenosphere, a liquid layer of the upper mantle, convection currents slowly move about two centimeters a year, causing the lithosphere’s plates to slowly move. Convection currents causes this which convection is heat transferred into a fluid.

As the earth gets hotter every day, convection currents are still moving slowly in constant motion. While this is occurring in the asthenosphere, the lithosphere is still floating above, which means if the asthenosphere is moving, so is the solid lithosphere. Tectonic plates are apart of the lithosphere, so that explains the plates slowly moving in constant motion.

There are many tectonic plates on our crust. And on that, millions on boundaries are occurring. At convergent boundaries the compression builds up as the continental plates collide creating mountain ranges. When there are two oceanic plates colliding at convergent boundaries, island arcs are formed and deep ocean trenches are formed. When there is a continental and an oceanic plate colliding at convergent boundaries the more dense oceanic plate will sink and at deep ocean trenches the subduction will cause a volcano to forma and eventually erupt! Also at convergent boundaries compression still builds up and eventually a reverse fault will form.

At divergent boundaries tension is building up and eventually a normal fault will occur. If there are two continental plates at divergent boundaries a rift valley will form and eventually magma will rise!

At transform boundaries shearing builds up and when the two continental plates shear a strike-slip fault strikes.

So everything about the theory of tectonic plates slowly moving in constant motion is very important because of these natural disasters, it may someday effect you!

Good evidence of grouping, more logical sequencing and transitions. The introduction and conclusion are reasonably effective. This paper has more evidence of control in Organization than the previous example because there is more text to organize.

RelatedIdeasGrouped

HookIntro

Transitions

Example of Score Point 5 in OrganizationIf you did not know, there are many interesting things about the Earth’s tectonic plates.

In the theory of plate tectonics, the Earth’s lithosphere is broken into plates that are in constant motion, driven by convection currents in the asthenosphere. The asthenosphere is the soft layer on which the lithosphere, a rigid layer, floats.

Convection currents move the lithospheric plates. The heat is from the core. Particles get less dense and therefore rise. Since the asthenosphere is soft and flexible, convection currents are able to form. The convection currents then move the lithospheric plates which are above it. The movement creates three different boundaries.





RelatedIdeasGrouped

EffectiveIntro

Transitions

The Components of Style

STYLE

Word Choice

AudienceAwareness

VoiceSentence

Variety (lengthand structure)

GenreAppropriateStrategies

62

Style: The degree to which the writer controls language to engage the reader.

Word Choice

• Effective word choice is determined on the basis of subject matter (topic), audience, and purpose.

• Word choice establishes the tone of a piece of writing.

• Word choice involves more than the “correct” dictionary meaning of a word.

• Word choice goes beyond precision to include the connotations (the associations, meanings, or emotions a word suggests) of words.

Types of Language (described in the Grade 8 Scoring Rubric)

• Descriptive: uses details that appeal to the senses and enables the reader to see, hear, and/or feel what the writer recounts

• Figurative: figures of speech or phrases that suggest meanings different from their literal meanings (hyperbole, metaphor, simile, irony)

• Technical: precise terms and phrases used to clarify or explain a particular subject matter or process

• Carefully crafted phrases: the purposeful selection of vivid words and phrases to create a sustained tone and engage the reader; groups of words that convey a clear meaning and serve a particular rhetorical purpose

Technical word choice is key

• Technical word choice: precise terms and phrases used to clarify or explain a particular subject matter or process

Style in actionLevel Example

Technical Word Choice


Good sentence variety, too

Sentence VarietyHow Sentences Vary:1. Length

• The number of words• Word length

2. Structure• Simple• Complex• Compound• Compound-complex

3. Type• Declarative• Interrogative• Imperative

Example of Score Point 1 in Style


We really need this class so girls won’t think we are total idiots. The problem now is that boys are totally uncomfortable around

girls. This class would help boys feel more confident. This class won’t require a lot. So lots of boys will take it.

There is some interesting word choice in the response, but there is insufficient writing to determine competence in STYLE.

Example of Score Point 2 in StyleI would like to recommend that we have a class for the boys.

First, we need this class so girls won’t think we are total idiots. Second, boys are uncomfortable around girls. Third, this class won’t require a lot.

The fist reason we need this class so girls won’t think we are total idiots. When you talk to girls, you should tell them some things about yourself. Try to make up a good topic to talk on.

The second reason we need the class is boys are uncomfortable around girls. This class would help boys feel more comfortable around girls. It will teach lots of things that help them talk to girls.

Third, the class won’t require a lot. You just sign up for it and bring a few supplies. The class will require lots of reading and studying, which will help boys.

So, in conclusion, we need this class so girls won’t think we are total idiots, because boys are totally uncomfortable around girls, and because this class won’t require a lot.

Most of the word choice is simple and repetitive. There is minimal audience awareness.

Simpler, more

Repetitive

language

Audience

Awareness

Effective word

choice

Example of Score Point 3 in StyleI would like to recommend that we have a class for the boys.

First, we need this class so girls won’t think we are total idiots. Second, boys are totally uncomfortable around girls. Third, this class won’t require a lot.

The fist reason we need this class so girls won’t think we are total idiots. When you talk to girls, you should tell them a little about yourself. Try to make up a good topic to talk on.

The second reason we need the class is boys are totally uncomfortable around girls. This class would help boys feel more confident. It will have lots of lessons that are hands-on that put boys in real-life situations talking to girls.

Third, the class won’t require a lot. You just sign up for it and bring a few basic supplies. The class will require lots of reading and studying, which will help boys succeed.

So, to sum up, we need this class so girls won’t think we are total idiots, because boys are totally uncomfortable around girls, and because this class won’t require a lot. The word choice is more effective in this example.

Simpler, more

Repetitive

language

Effective word

choice

Example of Score Point 4 in Style I would like to recommend that we have a class for the boys. The

name of this class is Talkin’ to Girls. This class will help prepare young men to be able to talk to females. The reason why we need this class is so that we can prepare the boys for all of the emotions they are going to experience.





The word choice here is even more consistently effective, and there is even greater evidence of the writer’s voice, audience awareness, and sentence variety.

Simpler, more

Repetitive

language

Effective word

choice

Voice

Example of Score Point 5 in StyleFor most boys, it is pretty nerve-wracking to let a girl know that you like her.

So, I was thinking, why not add a class called Talkin’ to Girls? It will help prepare young men for this important task.

We really need this class so girls won’t think we are total idiots. When you approach a female you don’t just say “Can I have your phone number.” You should tell them a little about yourself. I always tell girls that I’m sensitive and a good listener. Also, try to make up a good topic to talk on. Ask her whether she watches shows like The Office. If she does, you can talk about how lame Michael Scott is around girls in his office. That will probably make for some laughter. Oh, and always ask if she wants your number. If we had this class boys would be eager to talk because they would know what to say.


This class won’t require a lot. All you need is a notebook, and a pencil. All you have to do is sign up for it. This class is open to all males. The class will require lots of reading and studying and there will be hands on activities. In the classroom there is a female mannequin that responds to any comment made by a male. If the male says something stupid, the dummy will say “get lost.” Or, if you have dragon breath, the mannequin's face will turn green and she’ll fall down in disgust. Yikes! This class requires some participation. Everyone will get a change to talk to the mannequin at least once a week, on a variety of topics, like sports, movies, and Facebook.


Several carefully crafted phrases keep the audience engaged throughout the response.

Simpler, more

Repetitive

language

Audience

Awareness

Effective

Word Choice

Voice





Too little evidence to determine how well the writer controls the components of Style.


By now you should know about the Techtonic plates, but so what they’re moving, but you don’t know what happens on the surface, when they decide to move!

There are three things that happen, First a convergent boundry. A boundry where a plate, such as an oceanic plate “dives” under another plate, such as a continental plate. When this happens, the oceanic plate dives under the continental plate, the oceanic plate melts, but after melting it forms a pocket on the crust and eventually forms a volcano. Why dose it sink under, the ocean plate is dencer than the continental so it sinkes like a dime in a glass of water. Second a convergent (i.e., divergent) boundary, this boundry is where two plates are moving apart because a crack in the earth that is constantly letting magma in from the mantle, that is cooling and cooling untill it pushes them apart. Last, but not least, a transform boundry, this occurs when two plates try to slip by each other. If they get stuck the longer they stay there the longer the following earthquake will be.

The writer uses technical language, but there is not much evidence in this response. There is minimal sentence variety because of several sentence errors.

TechnicalLanguage

Example of score Point 3 in StyleOur Earth is amazing, it can function all on its own without any help. Earth

moves, cracks, and changes all by itself. Earth also has 6 layers that make it up. Each layer is unique in its own way. The Lithosphere is one of the most important, it carries the tectonic plates, the Earth’s crust is above. The convection currents in the Asthenosphere are what moves the plates. Earth has nine plates total, that pull apart and crash together.


The tectonic plates pull apart and crash together at plate boundaries, causing major geologic events. At plate boundaries the movement can cause three major types of boundaries, transform, divergent, and convergent. At a divergent boundary the two plates move apart. This can cause a rift valley or an Earthquake. At convergent boundaries the two plates collide. At a transform boundary the two plates slip past each other. The movement caused the theory of pangea and continental drift.

The convection currents cause the plates to move. Therefore that causes many major geologic events to occur on the Earth. This is how landforms come about and why the Earth is cracked. These geological events are always occurring. They might be slow but they really do happen. This is how plate movement causes change on Earth’s surface.

There are definite examples of technical language and more sentence variety than the previous example.

TechnicalLanguage

Example of Score Point 4 in Style Have you ever realized that what you are standing on is constantly moving in slow

motion? The lithosphere is a solid plate that is separated into two parts. The crust, and the mantle. Well upper mantle. In the asthenosphere, a liquid layer of the upper mantle, convection currents slowly move about two centimeters a year, causing the lithosphere’s plates to slowly move. Convection currents causes this which convection is heat transferred into a fluid.

As the earth gets hotter every day, convection currents are still moving slowly in constant motion. While this is occurring in the asthenosphere, the lithosphere is still floating above, which means if the asthenosphere is moving, so is the solid lithosphere. Tectonic plates are apart of the lithosphere, so that explains the plates slowly moving in constant motion.


At divergent boundaries tension is building up and eventually a normal fault will occur. If there are two continental plates at divergent boundaries a rift valley will form and eventually magma will rise!

At transform boundaries shearing builds up and when the two continental plates shear a strike-slip fault strikes.

So everything about the theory of tectonic plates slowly moving in constant motion is very important because of these natural disasters, it may someday effect you! More consistent use of technical language, plus good sentence variety.

TechnicalLanguage

Example of Score Point 5 in Style If you did not know, there are many interesting things about the Earth’s tectonic plates.

In the theory of plate tectonics, the Earth’s lithosphere is broken into plates that are in constant motion, driven by convection currents in the asthenosphere. The asthenosphere is the soft layer on which the lithosphere, a rigid layer, floats.

Convection currents move the lithospheric plates. The heat is from the core. Particles get less dense and therefore rise. Since the asthenosphere is soft and flexible, convection currents are able to form. The convection currents then move the lithospheric plates which are above it. The movement creates three different boundaries.





TechnicalLanguage

The Components and Elements of Conventions

CONVENTIONS

SentenceFormation

Correctness, Clarity of

Meaning, Complexity,

End Punctuation

Usage

Subject/Verb Agreement,

Standard Word Forms,

Verb Tenses

Mechanics

Internal Punctuation,Spelling, Paragraph

Breaks,Capitalization

78

Domain

Components

Elements

79

Conventions

Sentence Correctness

Sentence Clarity

Sentence Complexity

End Punctuation

Subject-Verb Agreement

Word Forms

Verb Tenses

Internal Punctuation

Spelling

Paragraph Breaks

Capitalization

Balancing Strengths/Weaknesses in the Components and Elements of Conventions

Score Point 5• Correct and varied in all elements of Sentence Formation, Usage, and Mechanics

Score Point 4• Correct in most elements of Sentence Formation, Usage, and Mechanics• Some elements may be weak, missing, or lack variety

Score Point 3• Correct in majority of elements of Sentence Formation, Usage, and Mechanics, but

there may be some errors in each element.• Correct in two components but one component may be weak.

Score Point 2• Minimal control in all three components or one component may be strong while the

other two are weak

Score Point 1• Overall lack of control in all three components although some elements may

demonstrate strengths

Example of Score Point 1 in Conventions


We really need this class so girls won’t think we are total idiots. The problem now is that boys are totally uncomfortable around

girls. This class would help boys feel more confident. This class won’t require a lot. So lots of boys will take it.

There is insufficient writing in this response to determine competence in CONVENTIONS.

Example of Score Point 2 in Conventions I would like to recomend that we have a class for the boys.

First we need this class so girls wont think we are total idiots. Second boys are uncomfortable around girls. Third this class wont require a lot.

The fist reason we need this class so girls wont think we are total idiots when you talk to girls, you should tell them some things about yourself. Try to make up a good topics to talk on.

The second reason we need the class is boys are uncomfortable around girls, this class would help boys feel more comfortable around girls. It will teach lot of things that help them talk to girls.

Third the class wont require a lot. You just sign up for it and bring a few supplies. The class will require lots of reading and studying, this will help boys.

So, in conclusion, we need this class so girl wont think we are total idiots, because boys are totally uncomfortable around girls and because this class won’t require a lot. There are about as many correct examples as incorrect examples of sentence formation, usage, and mechanics.

Usage

Errors

Mechanics

Errors

Sentence

Errors

Example of Score Point 3 in ConventionsI would like to recommend that we have a class for the boys.

First we need this class so girls won’t think we are total idiots. Second boys are totally uncomfortable around girls. Third, this class won’t require a lot.

The fist reason we need this class so girl won’t think we are total idiots. When you talk to girls you should tell them a little about yourself. Try to make up a good topic to talk on.

The second reason we need the class is boys are totally uncomfortable around girls. This class would help boys feel more confident. It will have lots of lessons that are hands-on that puts boys in real-life situations talking to girls.

Third, the class won’t require a lot, you just sign up for it and bring a few basic supplies. The class will require lot of reading and studying, which will help boys succeed.

So to sum up we need this class so girls won’t think we are total idiots because boys are totally uncomfortable around girls, and because this class won’t require a lot. Correct examples outweigh incorrect examples of sentence formation, usage, and mechanics.

Usage

Errors

Mechanics

Errors

Sentence

Errors

Example of Score Point 4 in ConventionsI would like to recommend that we have a class for the boys. The

name of this class is Talkin’ to Girls. This class will help prepare young men to be able to talk to female. The reason why we need this class is so that we can prepare the boys for all of the emotions they are going to experience.

We really need this class so girls won’t think we are total idiots. When you approach a female you don’t just say “Can I have your phone number.” You should tell them a little about yourself. Try to make up a good topic to talk on, be interested in what she likes and does. Always be confident and look your best. A girl like it when boys pay attention to them.


This class won’t require a lot, all you have to do is sign up for it and bring a few basic supplies, like a pencil and notebook. This class is open to all males. The class will require lots of reading and studying, but as I said, it also requires some participation. Boys will be able to practice by talking to a manequin.

In no time, you will be confident enough to go talk to the girl of your dreams.Control of sentence formation, usage, and mechanics is more consistent in this response. The writer also uses more compound and complex sentences.

Usage

Errors

Mechanics

Errors

Sentence

Errors

Example of Score Point 5 in ConventionsI would like to recommend that we have a class for the boys. The name


We really need this class so girls won’t think we are total idiots. When you approach a female you don’t just say “Can I have your phone number.” You should tell them a little about yourself. Try to make up a good topic to talk on. Ask what she likes to do out of school or work. Be interested in what she likes and does. Always ask if she wants your number. If we had this class boys would be eager to talk because they would know what to say.

The problem now is that boys are totally uncomfortable around girls. When I am with my fiends and one of them spots a girl that he like we all say, “I bet you won’t go over and talk to her.” That’s when I say in the back of my mind, “If only we were taught that in school.” This class would help boys be more comfortable around girls. Me, I have this stuff down pat. I just want to help some friends out.

This class won’t require a lot. All you need is a notebook, and a pencil. All you have to do is sign up for it. This class is open to all males. The class will require lots of reading and studying. In the classroom there is a female manequin that responds to any comment made by a male. If the male says something stupid, the dummy will say “get lost.” This class requires some participation. All you half to do is work hard and you’ll do great.


In spite of a few minor errors, the writer demonstrates full control of sentence formation, usage, and mechanics.

Usage

Errors

Mechanics

Errors

Sentence

Errors

Keep in Touch!

Kevin Raczynski, The Georgia Center for Assessment

• [email protected]• 888.392.8977 (toll-free)• 706.542.5063 (local direct)

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Writing in Content Areas Kevin R. Raczynski The Georgia Center for Assessment [email protected]...

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