WoW 2016 - Bryan Stewart - Final - 08.10.16
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Transcript of WoW 2016 - Bryan Stewart - Final - 08.10.16
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Whatchu talkin’ ‘bout?Critical thinking about the
impacts of what you say and how you say it.
Wild on Wounds 2016Las Vegas, NV09.03.16Bryan J. Stewart #WOW16WTBC
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Learning Objectives
1. General understanding of the impacts of verbal and non-verbal communications.
2. Explore and share knowledge, tools and techniques to help you improve and optimize your communication effectiveness.
3. Have some fun together.
#WOW16WTBC
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Agenda
#WOW16WTBC
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What are we going to cover today?
Number I.The BasicsNumber II.Body Language & Non-Verbal CommunicationNumber III.ListeningNumber IV.The Power of WordsNumber V.Issue Clearing ModelNumber VI.Crucial Conversations Model
#WOW16WTBC
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My Disclaimer
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The Basics
PART I.❶
#WOW16WTBC
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Why it matters.
“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” - George Bernard Shaw
#WOW16WTBC
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Elements of Effective
Communication
• What You Say
~One Way vs Two Way~Words Matter
• How You Say It
~Four Communication Styles~Body Language (Yours and Theirs)
• How You Receive
~Active Listening~Empathy
#WOW16WTBC
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Verbal vs Non-Verbal
More than 65% of our communications are non-verbal…
> 35% of our communications come from the words that we speak
> 65%
“Communication consists of both verbal and non-verbal signals. As a result, humans are continuously communicating not just thoughts, ideas, and opinions but also feelings and emotions.” - Morreale, Spitzberg & Barge, 2001
#WOW16WTBC
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Listening
• Active
• Passive
• Empathy
#WOW16WTBC
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Communication is hard.
You can improve if you invest the time and effort.
Key Points
#WOW16WTBC
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Body Language &
Non-Verbal Communication
PART II.❶
#WOW16WTBC
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Why it matters.
Actions > Words
#WOW16WTBC
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The 5 Power Poses
The Standard
Flare
#WOW16WTBC
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The 5 Power Poses
The Lap
Cross Megaphon
e
#WOW16WTBC
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The 5 Power Poses
The Bro
Spread
#WOW16WTBC
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The 5 Power Poses
The Table Cross
Megaphone
#WOW16WTBC
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The 5 Power Poses
The Mr.
President
#WOW16WTBC
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Fake It Until You Make It
• Power Posing
~Mental~Physical
• Try It
~Before~During~After
#WOW16WTBC
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Common Poses and Gestures
“This and That”
#WOW16WTBC
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Common Poses and Gestures
“Open Wide”
#WOW16WTBC
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Common Poses and Gestures
“The Triangle”
aka “The Mr.
Wonderful”
#WOW16WTBC
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Common Poses and Gestures
“Knife Hands”
“Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everybody
you meet.”
U.S. Marine General James “Mad Dog”
Mattis#WOW16WTBC
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Common Poses and Gestures
“All About Me”
#WOW16WTBC
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Common Poses and Gestures
“Open and Up”#WOW16WTBC
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Common Poses and Gestures
What do you see?#WOW16W
TBC
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Common Poses and GesturesThe Hand
Spectrum
#WOW16WTBC
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Common Poses and Gestures
Hands Matter
#WOW16WTBC
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Common Poses and Gestures
Hands Matter
#WOW16WTBC
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Common Poses and Gestures
The Power of the Feet• Kicking
• Crossing
• Pointing
#WOW16WTBC
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Common Poses and Gestures
Congruence
#WOW16WTBC
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Common Poses and Gestures
Congruence
#WOW16WTBC
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Common Poses and Gestures
Congruence
#WOW16WTBC
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Actions > Words
Find and use a “mirror”.
Key Points
#WOW16WTBC
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Potential Mistakes
• Negative Default
• No Context Consideration
• All in One
• No Know Baseline
• Blasting Biases#WOW16W
TBC
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What about you?
Examples
• Misunderstood
• Common Traps
#WOW16WTBC
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Listening
PART II.❶
#WOW16WTBC
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Active Listening
• Illusion of 1st Words
• Check Yourself
• Strive to Understand
#WOW16WTBC
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The Power of Words
PART IV.❶
#WOW16WTBC
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I am sorry. Three Little Words
#WOW16WTBC
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Please forgive me.Three Little Words
#WOW16WTBC
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How are you (really)? Three Little Words
#WOW16WTBC
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Words matter.
How they are delivered matters.
Key Points
#WOW16WTBC
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Issue Clearing Model
PART V.❶
#WOW16WTBC
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Issue Clearing Model
1. I have an issue I’d like to clear with you.
Is now a good time?
2. The specific facts are…..
3. I think….my judgment is….my opinion
is….
4. I feel….
5. My part in this is….
6. And what I specifically want is….
#WOW16WTBC
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Issue Clearing
Model
7. Let me see if I understand you….what I hear is….
8. Is that accurate…..am I on target?
9. Is there more?
10. Are we clean and clear about
this?#WOW16W
TBC
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Issue Clearing Model
• About being heard, not necessarily about resolving the issue.
• You can never negotiate with emotion.
#WOW16WTBC
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Crucial Conversations Model(CCM)
PART VI.❶
#WOW16WTBC
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The CCM
1. Definition
Discussion between two or more people.
2. Dialogue
The free flow of meaning between two or more people.
#WOW16WTBC
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The CCM
3. Purpose• Fill the pool• Better meaning =
better outcome
4. Start with yourself• What do you really
want and not want?
#WOW16WTBC
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The CCM
5. Notice when safety is at risk
6. Make it safe
7. Mastering stories
8. Dialogue to action
#WOW16WTBC
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The CCM
9. Tips and tricks
• Waiting doesn’t usually help
• Works in all directions
• Look for patterns
• Practice zooming out#WOW16WTBC
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Tools are onlygood if you use them.
Key Points
#WOW16WTBC
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Summary
Number I.The BasicsNumber II.Body LanguageNumber III.ListeningNumber IV.The Power of WordsNumber V.Issue Clearing ModelNumber VI.Crucial Conversations Model
#WOW16WTBC
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Three Challenges
#WOW16WTBC
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Find a “Mirror”
Ask someone to be your mirror, maybe at home and/or at work.
• Do an audit.
~What are you saying without talking?
~Are you congruent?
• Agree on a sign.
1. ChallengeHOW?
#WOW16WTBC
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Three Words
2. Challenge HOW?
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Think about people in your life that can benefit by the power of your three words.
• Try it.
~How did you feel?~How did they respond?
• Repeat as often as needed/possible.
#WOW16WTBC
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Clear One
3. ChallengeHOW?
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Think about someone that you need to get “clean and clear” with.
• Map it out.
~Use the framework to think about what you want to say and how you want to say it.
~ Just do it.
• Repeat as often as needed/possible.
#WOW16WTBC
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Clear OneStay wild and I hope to see you next year!
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