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Transcript of Working with Parents Welcome - Day Two. Aims of this training To understand key principles and...
Working with Parents
Welcome - Day Two
Aims of this trainingTo understand key principles and skills of working in
partnership with parents
To understand key influences on the parent/child
relationship
To understand how parents can support the needs of
children and young people
Essential element in becoming a Care for the Family
Licensed Facilitator
What we’ve done so farReflective practice
Values, beliefs and attitudes
Identifying parents’ needs to set goals
Diversity and parenting
Early influences on the parent – child relationship
Helping improve communication skills
Programme for today 9.30 - 11.00 Managing and expressing
feelingsParenting styles
11.00 - 11.15 Coffee 11.15 - 12.45 Supporting families to
manage conflict12.45 - 1.30 Lunch 1.30 - 2.45 Promoting positive behaviour
Parenting across childhood 2.45 - 3.00 Tea 3.00 - 3.45 Reviewing goals to support
progress 4.00 - 4.30 Endings
5.2Managing and expressing feelingsLearner handbook p 54
5.2 Assessment criterionExplain strategies that will enable parents and children to express and manage feelings
Reflective log
Whoever we are and whatever age we are, we all have emotional needs
When our emotional needs are not met it is hard to cope with life effectively
Emotional Needs
When our needs are met we feel GOOD!
When our needs are not met we feel BAD!
Relationship needs
Acceptance Show that you love
me even when I get it wrong
Forgive my difficult moods or behaviour
Don’t compare me with other people
Don’t try to change me
Affection
Hug me
Smile at me
Cuddle me
Tickle my back
Playful fight
Approval Show that you are
proud of me and what I do by telling me
Speak highly of me to others
Tell me how hard I have tried
Let me know when I get things right
Attention Take an interest in
my life
Spend time with me
Follow my interests
Listen to me
Share enjoyable activities with me
Know and share my friends
Comfort Notice when things
are tough for me
Be ready with a word or a hug
Listen to and share my sadness or upset
Soothe hurt through listening and supporting
Do practical things that show you care
Look after me
Encouragement Be the person who
believes in me and is my number one fan
Encourage and motivate me when the going gets tough
Tell me about the best of me
Say “I know you will ……..I know you can”
Respect Listen to me
Show you have heard my opinion or view
Be prepared to work things out
Respect my right to some privacy
Allow me to hold different views to you
Security Be consistent
Support me
Be loyal
Be there for me
Look after me
Set fair boundaries and limits
Support Be there when my
life is difficult
Offer to help
Be prepared to go that extra mile for me
Listen to my troubles
Help me to be the person I want to be
Emotional LiteracyWhen emotional needs are not met appropriately, feelings such as sadness, anger and frustration arise.
We need to be able to express these feelings in ways that mean relationships are built up rather than pulled down.
Emotional LiteracyIt helps us understand that our emotions are linked to our thoughts and our experience.
A parent can help a child understand, for example, that her anger is linked to her sadness when her pet has died.
Naming feelingsIt doesn’t come naturally! Parents can help children recognise their feelings by noticing and naming their own feelings.
Understanding their world
Expressing feelings: ‘I’ messages
When you…
I feel…
because…
What could we do next
time…?
Learner handbook p
56
Love LanguagesPhysical touch
Words of affirmation
Quality time
Receiving gifts
Acts of service
Learner handbook p
57
5.2 Portfolio evidenceReflective log (200 words)
What is the value of parents and children expressing feelings appropriately?
What strategies could be discussed or used with parents?
How will this affect your work with parents in the future?
Learner handbook p 58
5.3Parenting StylesLearner handbook p 58
5.3 Assessment criterionAnalyse the different parenting styles in relation to child development
Completed worksheets Learner handbook p 88 - 91Reflective log
AttachmentParenting stylesSocial learning
Three key factors affecting theparent /child relationship
Stephen Scott (2004)
SocialLearningtheory
ParentingStyles
Attachment
Parenting StylesParenting style theory is based upon the
observations and research of Diana Baumrind (1967)
She identified two key aspects of parental behaviour which she called:
• ‘Responsiveness’ (nurturing)
• ‘Demandingness’ (discipline)
Two aspects ofparental behaviour
Responsiveness
warmth acceptance support
Demandingness
• expectations on behaviour
• structure
Parenting StylesThe accepted styles are:
Authoritarian
Permissive
Authoritative (Assertive)
Uninvolved (Indifferent) Maccoby & Martin (1983)
Authoritarian “Do as you’re told and don’t argue”
What is an authoritarian parent
like?
An authoritarian parent...Can be domineering and controlling
Values obedience as a virtue
Favours punitive methods
Instils attitudes such as respect for authority, work, preservation of order and traditional structure
Does not listen to or respect child’s views
Believes child should accept their word for what is right
Permissive“Do what you want but don’t get into trouble”
What is a permissi
ve parent like?
A permissive parent...Makes few demands in terms of behaviour
or chores
Does not believe in their own parental authority or responsibility
May see themselves as laid-back or child’s friend
Attempts to use reason but not overt power
May think this is a child-centred approach to parenting
May be afraid or unclear what to do when confronted with bad behaviour
Authoritative (Assertive)“Freedom within limits”
What is an
assertive parent like?
An authoritative parent ...Warm and structuredEncourages verbal give and takeShares with child the reasoning behind decisionsCan exert firm control where differences arise Recognizes own rights as an adult as well as child’s individual
interests and special waysValues the child’s qualities as they are now, but also sets
expectations on future conductUses reasoning as well as power to achieve their objectivesRealises that they sometimes get it wrong
and need to apologise
Authoritative parenting ...
and
Structured
An uninvolved parent...Maccoby & Martin (1983)
No rules
Unresponsive to needs of child
Uncaring, neglectful
Critical
Abusive
Life centred around the adult’s needs
May be involved with substance/alcohol abuse
What is an
uninvolved parent
like?
Parenting stylesParents typically have a main
parenting style
However, when parents are under stress they tend to be more authoritarian or inconsistent
These styles have been shown to have a long term impact on the growing child
Parenting style and ethnicityResearch suggests thatthe authoritative (assertive) approach to
parenting protects children and teens from adverse outcomes irrespective of culture or ethnicity
there are also important differences in parenting styles between different ethnic groups.
Learner handbook p 59
Parenting styles and context
Parents adapt how they raise their children according to the environment they are in
For example
Parents from another country adapt the way they parent to suit the new country they’re living in
(Kotchick and Forehand 2002)
Reflective practice:What’s your style?
For your reflective log:
• What style were your parents?
• What style are you?
Coffee
Please be back ready to start in 15 minutes
Parenting styles in actionIn groups of 3
Each person takes a turn to be a ParentChildObserver
• Each time act out the same situationbut use a different parenting style
Learner handbook p 88 - 91
Group workEach group uses one situation:
• A 2 year old has a tantrum in a supermarket
• A 6 year old keeps popping in and out of bed after bedtime
• An 11 year old spends hours on the computer and isn’t getting their homework done
• A 15 year old comes home much later than agreed
FeedbackFor each parenting style focus on
Parent’s behaviour and feelings during and afterwards
Child’s behaviour and feelings during and afterwards
Remember
In your own time you will need tocomplete the Uninvolved section
5.3 Portfolio evidenceWorksheets x 4 and Reflective log (200 words)
Complete the worksheets in sentence form for both parent and child.
For your reflective log:What parenting style(s) did your parents
have? What is your parenting style?How will your understanding of your own
parenting style equip you to work with parents who have a different style to your own?
Learner handbook p 61 & 88-91
5.4Supporting families to manage conflict constructivelyLearner handbook p 61
5.4 Assessment criterionExplain how families can manage conflict constructively
Reflective logFlip chart notes - photos
ConflictConflict is normal!
ConflictSome common reactions to conflict:
Fight Flight Freeze
Outcomes for children depending on how conflict is handled:
Destructively poor
Conflict accepted but not resolvedok
Constructively - resolution modelled good and restored acceptance and warmth
Bull in a China Shop
Anything for a Quiet Life
The Silent Seether
Arguments and resolution What are some common
arguments that happen between parents and children?
What might help to resolve some of these arguments?
Unhelpful ways of respondingSTOP bad habits
Four habits that people regularly fall into during times of conflict
Knowing about them:
Helps parents have a more positive relationship with their partner, family and friends.
Helps children develop skills for life
STOP - bad habitsS – scoring pointsSomething is said that sounds critical
and feels like an attack.
“You forgot to feed the hamster again.”
The first response is to fight back.
“You can talk! You always forget to clean out his cage.”
Stop! This is scoring points
STOP - bad habitsT – thinking the worstOne person unexpectedly buys another a
present. The recipient thinks:
“What have they done?”
“What do they want?”
Someone makes a cup of tea for themselves and not for their colleague. The colleague thinks:
“What have I done to upset them?”
Stop! This is thinking the worst.
STOP - bad habitsO – opting outA conversation is getting difficult or
seems to be going around in circles. One person decides they’ve had enough and walks away. They might think:
“That’s it! I can’t deal with this right now.”
Stop! This is opting out.
STOP - bad habitsP – putting downOne person can’t believe someone
else has just made the same “mistake” again. They might say:
“You’re so stupid”
“Don’t be childish”
Or maybe they roll their eyes or shake their head?
Stop! This is putting someone down.
Helpful ways of respondingStay calm
Don’t take it personally
Take time out to calm down BUT return to the issue
Notice when conflict happens and which issues cause an especially angry reaction
Try to make life less stressful
Enjoy time together as a family
The aim of negotiation
Parent’s
needs and
wishes
Young person
’s needs and
wishes
winwin
1. Stick to the main issue – don’t bring in other issues
2. Try to understand the issue from the child’s point of view
3. Say how you feel about the issue and what you would like to happen
4. Find out how they see the issue and what they would like to happen
5. Discuss the options and negotiate a win-win solution
How to negotiate
Choose your battles
Acknowledge their feelings
Discuss the issue
Talk through options
Negotiate sanctions
Be clear with expectations
Set a time to review
Problem solving: Parent and teenager
5.4 Portfolio evidenceReflective log (200 words) and photos of flip chart notes
What is your experience of conflict within a family?
How easy will it be to talk with parents about conflict?
Learner handbook p 64
Lunch
Please be back ready to start on time
6.1Promoting positive behaviourLearner handbook p 65
6.1 Assessment criterionAnalyse a range of behaviour management techniques to promote positive behaviour
Report Write about 5 different techniques1000 words and your experience of them
Discipline is positive!Discipline means TRAINING
Loving discipline is about training children to choose to do the right thing in a situation and to be responsible for their own decisions and actions
Children need boundaries to feel secure as it shows them that their parents care about them
Childish irresponsibilityor defiance?
Why do children misbehave?In small groups
Each group looking at one of the following age groups:
• Pre schoolers
• Primary / Junior
• Preteens and teens
Learned behaviour?Bandura’s (1977) Social Learning Theory proposes that social learning occurs through four stages of imitation:
close contact
imitation of superiors
understanding of concepts
role model behaviour
Learned behaviour?The theory outlines three requirements for people to learn and model behaviour:
remembering what was observed
the ability to copy the behaviour
a good reason to want to adopt the behaviour
Social Learning TheoryBandura proposed that all behaviour is learned, and therefore can be “unlearned”.
Children learn that they can often get what they want by pestering and arguing
If parents want their child’s behaviour to change, they need to start by changing their own
Social Learning TheoryMORE
Undesirable behaviour and attitudes
(more tantrums)
Desirable behaviour and attitudes
(more cooperation in future
with tidying away their toys)
REWARDING
Undesirable behaviour
and attitudes (giving in to a
tantrum)
Desirable behaviour and attitudes
(praising a child for picking up their
toys)
NOT REWARDING
Undesirable behaviour
(ignoring tantrums)
LESS
Undesirable behaviour(fewer tantrums)
Social Learning Theory
Setting loving limitsWithout a reasonable relationshipno discipline works well.
“Rules without relationship leads to rebellion.”
Josh McDowell
`1`11
Consistency – a united frontA key issue when
parenting
Different parental temperament and parenting styles may lead to inconsistency
If parents don’t give the same message, children manipulate and the adult relationship suffers
Keys to positive parentingWe offer a toolkit of strategies and techniques in our core parenting courses so that parents can choose which one will best suit their own family in their current situation
Clear expectations
When we get home please put your shoes away.
RoutinesAllow children to anticipate what will
happen next and bring security and a sense of control
Help reduce conflict as children understand what is expected for daily tasks like eating or going to bed
Teach children how to obey instructions
Social routines such as greetings, good-byes, ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ give children skills for making good relationships
As far as children
are concerned love is spelt
T I M E !
One-to-one time
The emotional bank account(or Love Tank)
We use this to help parents understand that children need to have constant positive inputs
Self-esteem can be damaged
I wish I didn’t have kids!
You stupid boy!
Stop that or I’ll smack you!
If you speak to me like that again I’ll…
Communication• How parents talk and how they listen
greatly affects the quality of the parent-child relationship
• Parents need to remember to ask themselves, “Would I like to be spoken to like this?”
Covered in detail earlier in section 5.1
Choose your battlesBy choosing to fight some battles and leave others parents will:• Avoid on-going conflict and poor
relationships
• Encourage trust and warmth in the relationship
• Teach responsibility and accountability
• Avoid feeling more worn out
Choices – a limited choice!It helps to avoid battles
and power struggles It encourages children to
take responsibility for their actions
Children who are involved in decision making are likely to feel valued and respected
Strong-willed children and teenagers tend to be more cooperative if they are given some “space” and legitimate control.
Which socks would you
like to wear?
Encouraging good behaviour -Star chartsUseful for helping pre-school and primary children to develop practical routine skills. It is important to make the ‘task’ achievable and measurable.Buy or create a chart with specific tasks on
it
Give a sticker/star as tasks are done.
A certain amount of stickers/stars awarded might provide a special treat!
RewardsRewards are a good motivator for most of us. They encourage children to swap bad habits for new good ones.
Choose a specific behaviour to rewardA reward doesn’t have to be money or
something you pay forConsider alternatives such as one-to-one
special time with mum or dad
Descriptive praiseDescriptive praise is when a parent notices and comments on specific behaviour or attitudes.Praising children is a good motivator for them to carry on behaving well. Children love to feel that they are being helpful, valued or noticed for being well behaved.
“Well done for sharing your toys with your
little sister”.
Counting one, two threeThe aim of counting is to
give the child a chance to think about whether they will be obedient or not.
Make sure parents follow through to three if necessary
Don’t count 1, 2, 2 , 2 , 2 …!
If they do as asked, praise them.
Discouraging poor behaviour -RemovalThis involves taking away
something, i.e. the child or the thing that is causing the problem.
For example: If two children are fighting over a toy, explain that they either play nicely together or you will take the toy away, and then follow through!
Use your voice in a firm but gentle manner.
DistractionWhen a child is doing something they are not supposed to or is unsafe, this allows a parent to give their child something more positive to focus on.
Planned ignoringThis is a helpful response when children are
whining or arguing
attention seeking
having a tantrum
squabbling with a sibling
Issues such as a child’s safety should never be ignored
Time outSometimes called the ‘thinking chair’
This can be useful for helping a child to calm down and reflect on their behaviour.
Withdraw them from a situation
Help them understand that their behaviour was inappropriate
Restore the relationship afterwards
Taking away privilegesWhen used as a consequence this can
help clarify and reinforce boundaries.
However, withdrawing a child from the only activity they enjoy and benefit from might prove unhelpful.
For this strategy to work the ‘object’ removed has to be something the child cares about, otherwise there is no motivation to behave differently.
Choices and consequencesThis can teach a child or young person to take responsibility for their actions as they learn that all choices have consequences.
A natural consequence is what will happen if the parent does not intervene to stop the child’s action or its result
A logical consequence is one designed by a parent
Discipline has the parent – child relationship at its centre.It includes restoring the relationship with forgiveness and reassurance.
Restoring the relationship
6.1 Portfolio evidenceReport (1000 words)
Write about 5 different techniques to promote positive behaviour.
How have you seen these techniques used?
How will this affect your work with parents in the future?
Learner handbook p 70
4.2Parenting across childhoodLearner handbook p 45
4.2 Assessment criterionAnalyse the interdependent parent-child relationship during different stages of childhood development
Written essay 1000 words
As children grow and change…When children are
babies and toddlers parents need to do so much for them
As they grow and develop parents need to do fewer things for them
Some things need to stay the same and others need to change
The parent role changes from controller to consultant
Children’s Needs
ESTEEMNEEDS
SOCIAL NEEDS
SAFETY AND SECURITY
NEEDS
PHYSICALNEEDS
SPICESAreas of child developmentS SocialP PhysicalI IntellectualCCommunication
E EmotionalS Spiritual
Ages and stages Parents will find it helpful to Recognise the changes that
take place as their children grow
Have realistic expectations of what their child might do at each stage of development
Know what their child might be moving on to next
Understand what can be done to help a child recover from experiences that have affected development
Ages and StagesIn small groups One group per age group:
• 0 years - 2 years• 3 years - 5 years• 6 years - 9 years• 10 years - 13 years• 14 years - 18 years
What is a child likely to be able to do and think in your age group? What development is taking place?
What can parents do to help?
Parenting RoleSome key elements:
Parenting Style
Knowledge of child development
Discipline strategies that are appropriate to the child’s age and development
4.2 Portfolio evidenceEssay (1000 words)Why is it helpful for parents to have an
understanding of child development?
What changes do parents need to make as children grow older and develop?
What needs to stay the same?
How will this affect your work with parents in the future?
Learner handbook p 50
Tea
Please be back ready to start in 15 minutes
2.2Reviewing goals to enable parents to progressLearner handbook p 31
2.2 Assessment criterionExplain how to review goals with parents to support and enable progress
Reflective log
Reviewing parents’ progressSome parents will already have the skills and confidence to be able to work out if family life is changing for the better
However, life can be busy and challenging and sometimes in the helter-skelter of family life there may not be time to stop and reflect.
Allow room for parents to tell their story and be heard.
Encourage them to talk about their own emotions.
Recognise and empathise with what may be painful and difficult feelings.
1. Hear the story
Helping a parent to be specific can bring a clearer perspective on the problem and offer hope that the problem is manageable.
Questions that will help this process include: What is actually happening?What is the child doing? What is the parent doing? When and
where? How often? How does each react to what’s
happening?
2. Identify the specific problem
Parent/ child/ school?
Some problems are more of an issue for the parent than the child – identifying this helps a parent choose their battles or see who has the motivation to change the situation.
Is the issue worth the arguments?
3. Who is it a problem for?
Try to help parents identify why the behaviour is happening. Is it learned behaviour, a cry for help or an unmet need or something else?
Discuss what need the child is trying to have met through this behaviour.
4. Look for reasons for the behaviour
Hidden goals behind behaviour
Revenge
Seeking attention
ExcitementThrill
Pity
Approval
Power and
control
You may need to reassure the parent that they did the best they could with the resources and information they had available at the time.
Confidence to tackle problem behaviour
can be low when a parent is faced with on-going difficulties.
5. Reassure
What would they like to see the child doing?
This may seem obvious
But being specific helps set achievable and realistic goals with a greater chance of success.
6. Identify the new behaviour the parent would like to see
7. Suggest a range of strategies
Choices and consequence
s
Spending time
together
DistractionPraise
Talk through how and when they will put the strategy in place
Act out the situation (role play) with them
Tone of voice and words used matter
8. Practise the strategy
• Has it worked?
• What factors affected the outcome?
• Does the strategy need altering?
• Do you need to form another plan?
9. Review and if necessary update the strategy
Would the parent benefit from help from more specifically experienced or trained practitioners or organisation?
What is available?
Keep an up to date file of resources, leaflet and useful websites.
10. Identify other help and support
11. Talk through future approaches
Parents can explain to their child how they can avoid getting into trouble again
It was your behaviour that I
didn’t like,
but I still love you.
Sorry
2.2 Portfolio evidenceReflective log (200 words)
How have you/will you review goals with parents in a way which supports and enables their progress?
How might you do this when working in a group? Would you do anything differently if working with an individual parent or family? Why?
How will this affect your work with parents in the future?
Learner handbook p 33
Review of todayExpressing and managing feelingsParenting Styles Supporting families to manage conflict
constructivelyPromoting positive behaviourParenting across childhoodReviewing goals to enable parents to
progress
Portfolio evidenceReflective logs 2.2, 5.2, 5.3, 5.4
Essay 4.2 Parenting across childhood
Worksheets 5.3 Parenting styles
Report 6.1 Promoting positive behaviour
Flip chart notes 5.4(photos)
Evaluation
Learner handbook p 93 - 94
Goodbyes
What will you take away from these two days of training?
We’d love to hear from youPlease let us know how you are getting on.
If you have any queries or questions please call or email us:
Email 1
Email 2
Mid course sampleWrite ONE Reflective log – 200 words
Email to:
We need to receive this by:Day and date here (next week)
AccreditationOCN Portfolio checklist Learner
handbook p 77
Specification sheets Learner handbook p 79 - 80
Tracking sheets Learner handbook p 81 - 82Fill in page numbers AFTER you have
completed ALL the work
Write in your sign it and date it on p 82Learner Comments
Learner guidance See notes at end of each section
Accreditation
Any Questions?
Portfolio submission date
Day and date here
Send to our Birmingham Office