Workaholics 01x05 English Subtitles

1

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Okay, so I call it booze-chess.

2

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I got the Cognac Royale as King.

3

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Queen's Vodka.

Obviously, that's the Queen.

4

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Um, Old Steed Whiskey,

that's the horse center guy.

5

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Oh.

6

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Chess-mate.

7

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Let's just drink.

8

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Whoa.

9

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- Check out this guy.

- I didn't do it.

10

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- Cannot arrest me.

- Help you, ossifer.

11

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My costume for the pole dancing

class I'm taking at the Reck Center.

12

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- A good way to meet babes.

- Yeah.

13

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A good way to keep the body in shape...

14

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And, yes, I have met

some friends--who are ladies.

15

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Cheryl, Penny, Laurie.

16

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We're all gonna make

homemade pizzas later.

17

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Sounds good.

18

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So wait, everyone wears

a cop outfit or what?

19

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Oh, no, no, no, this is just,

uh, something fresh

20

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I'm bringing to the table.

21

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Thinking I might change

the game though

22

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after they see

this little routine.

23

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Check it out.

Buckle up.

24

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Freeze! I'm gonna need you

to spread 'em.

25

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I like it so far.

26

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[Music starts]

Yeah.

27

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- Oh!

- Hello. Whoa.

28

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- Yo!

- Yah.

29

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- Oh.

- Wait a second.

30

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Where'd I put my--

Oh, there it is.

31

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Eyes down here, fellas.

Eyes down here.

32

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Seriously, dude,

you got a pretty good dick.

33

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♪ S--s--stop, c--come alive ♪

34

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♪ it's beat like this

that make me smile ♪

35

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- Oh, got me.

- Oh!

36

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Oh, yeah.

No, you don't need to...

37

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- All right.

- Need to...

38

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Oh, yeah, I don't know

what that's about.

39

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"Officer."

"You're under arrest."

40

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Hey.

Whoa! This is a chessboard!

41

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Hey, we're in the middle

of a game!

44

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you're not doing it right.

45

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[Hip-Hop America the Beautiful]

46

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Sync by honeybunny

www.addic7ed.com

47

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So you really wouldn't bang

Tyra Banks

48

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'cause she's wearing a fat suit?

49

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That is fatism, dude.

50

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That's not a fat suit.

51

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I'm looking at her fupa.

52

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No, that is a faux fupa.

Totally prosthetic.

53

00:02:00,386 --> 00:02:03,855

I wish it was real

'cause fat girls get me going.

54

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Fupa. What is--I don't know

what that means?

55

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I like saying it though.

56

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It's a fat upper [bleep] area.

57

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Hi, I'm Bradley,

the ISP supervisor.

58

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- ISP supervisor?

- I monitor your web activity.

59

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A lot of pornography, gentlemen.

60

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What's your job?

What do you do?

61

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What? You don't think

I can be an ISP supervisor?

62

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All: No, no.

63

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You can totally be that.

You can be whatever you want.

64

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You could do whatever

you want to do. Yeah.

65

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What we're saying is, um,

we don't look at pornography.

66

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I don't even know

what porn is, truthfully.

67

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I think it's sexier when a woman

68

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wears all of her clothes.

69

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- Yeah.

- Mm-hmm.

70

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You know what I love,

the slope of a neck.

71

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Oh. The soft voice

of a woman.

72

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- Even a laugh.

- Oh, laughs?

73

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Cut the crap, jag holes.

74

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I can look the other way

for a fee.

75

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Ugh, thank God,

76

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'cause we actually watch

a ton o' porn.

77

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Mostly weird stuff.

DPs. 3Ps. Golden showers.

78

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- Whatever.

- Give me that.

79

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- I'm into bukkake.

- And I love little Asians.

80

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Yeah. We've all got

our own things so...

81

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Oh, and that is a pass

to the wax museum.

82

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Really good one.

83

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You should see their Jackie Chan.

84

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Bradley Cooper's new.

That's a new exhibit.

85

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Hey, what's going on?

86

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Nothing. Just met Brad,

new ISP supe.

87

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- Call him B-Rad.

- Cool dude.

88

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Good hire.

89

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Yeah, uh,

this is my brother Bradley.

90

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Let me guess.

He scammed you out of money.

91

00:03:23,936 --> 00:03:26,871

Wait, so you are not

an ISP supervisor?

92

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- That's not even a real thing.

- Ha ha ha!

93

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- I knew that.

- I didn't. I didn't.

94

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Okay, you are good. We got

to watch out for this guy.

95

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That's what I'm talking,

B-Rad.

96

00:03:36,582 --> 00:03:38,349

Real Danny Blaine.

Is it Danny? David?

97

00:03:38,417 --> 00:03:39,751

- It's David.

- David Blaine?

98

00:03:39,818 --> 00:03:41,586

- It's David.

- David.

99

00:03:41,654 --> 00:03:43,621

Yeah, just give them

their money back, please.

100

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- Give me that.

- Thanks, man.

101

00:03:45,491 --> 00:03:47,825

Anyway, uh, sweetie, I'm gonna

be working late tonight.

102

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I have an international

conference call. Brussels.

103

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Oh, home of Jean-Claude van Damme.

104

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- Muscles from Brussels.

- Shut up.

105

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That's what they call him.

106

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So there's some frozen calzones

107

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in the freezer.

108

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And, um, I'll be home later.

109

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Ugh, I'm tired of being cooped up

110

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in your stupid widow pad!

111

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[Snickers]

112

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Bradley, I told you

I am not a widow, okay?

113

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I am divorced.

114

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I am an independent woman

in the prime of my life.

115

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You're 35 and alone.

I run train on chicks like you.

116

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[Whispers] Oh, my God.

117

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Why don't I hang

with these nerds?

118

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What? Okay, no.

119

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No, Bradley, you do not want

to hang out with them, okay?

120

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They are total losers

121

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[scoffs] Real losers?

Come on.

122

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We have a swimming pool.

123

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We--we all have

our own rooms.

124

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We have an aquarium.

A very small one.

125

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- We have two working toilets.

- That's not very loser, is it?

126

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- It's settled then.

- Yeah, B-Rad.

127

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- All right.

- Oo-hoo!

128

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[Whistles]

129

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I'll be right back.

130

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That dude definitely looks

at porn.

131

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It's funny 'cause it's true.

He does. I've caught him.

132

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Okay, listen to me,

Bradley is my brother

133

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and the only thing

in the world that I love.

134

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He's like the child

I will never have.

135

00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:03,234

So I want you to go against

every instinct

136

00:05:03,302 --> 00:05:06,070

you may have tonight

and not do anything stupid.

137

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- No.

- Roger that.

138

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Yeah. Because if you don't

bring him back safe and sound,

139

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I'm gonna eat your balls

for breakfast tomorrow

140

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with my grape-nuts.

141

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Then I'm gonna murder you.

142

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Then I'm gonna fire you.

143

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Okay. Have fun.

144

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[Whispers] She just put

the fear of God

145

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into my boner.

146

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Fear-ection.

147

00:05:26,992 --> 00:05:30,261

So I'm thinking we could do

a little, uh,

148

00:05:30,329 --> 00:05:31,529

taste of Italy night for Bradley.

149

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I'll get out the panini press.

150

00:05:32,965 --> 00:05:34,299

Yeah, maybe if our grandmothers

151

00:05:34,366 --> 00:05:36,334

were visiting

from the old country.

152

00:05:36,402 --> 00:05:39,437

We're playing Mario Kart

and I choose Bowser.

153

00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:41,472

See you on Rainbow Road.

154

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I'm gonna shove a red shell

so far up your ass,

155

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a turtle head is gonna pop out

of your mouth.

156

00:05:46,011 --> 00:05:48,212

But I'm saying later,

when we get hungry--

157

00:05:48,280 --> 00:05:51,149

We'll get pizza.

Nobody wants the panini press.

158

00:05:51,216 --> 00:05:53,518

- What's a panini?

- It just sits there, you know?

159

00:05:53,585 --> 00:05:55,653

I'm trying to show you guys

about cultures.

160

00:05:55,721 --> 00:05:57,822

We told you to get

the snow cone machine, man.

161

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Fine. Live in ignorance.

Be typical Americans.

162

00:05:59,858 --> 00:06:01,125

We'll do whatever you want to do.

163

00:06:01,193 --> 00:06:04,128

Yeah. Inhale pepperoni pizza

and chug Mountain Dew.

164

00:06:04,196 --> 00:06:06,197

Yes. That's a good idea.

165

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Oh. Oh. Oh!

How does that sound, dude?

166

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Oh, that sounds like it would

be fun...

167

00:06:11,570 --> 00:06:13,771

If I were ten!

168

00:06:13,839 --> 00:06:15,406

Well, what do you want to do?

169

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Oh, no. We're drunk again.

Ha ha ha.

170

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- You're kicked out!

- Dude, don't.

171

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- Nice work in there, B-Rad.

- [Shatters bottle]

172

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- Whoa-ho-ho-ho!

- Whoa!

173

00:06:25,617 --> 00:06:27,151

This totally beats

hanging out with Alice.

174

00:06:27,219 --> 00:06:28,586

Yes, it does.

175

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Did you know she wears

a kimono around the house?

176

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What? Is it silk?

Does she wear a bra underneath?

177

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Oho! My nuts!

He hit my nuts!

178

00:06:38,197 --> 00:06:40,031

Yeah, speaking of our boss,

179

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we should probably,

uh, call a cab,

180

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get this dude back

to her place, and, uh...

181

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- A cab?

- Yeah.

182

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We'll come back tomorrow

and get the car.

183

00:06:46,505 --> 00:06:48,272

You've had two beers, dude.

184

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Suck it up. The legal limit's

seven or eight, okay?

185

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I should know. I've gotten

plenty of D.U.I.s, right?

186

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I'm not risking it, all right?

187

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What if I want to, like,

188

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run for city councilman some day?

189

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City councilman, dude?

Suck it up!

190

00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:05,123

Where's your self-worth?

At least run for the governator.

191

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Guys, I'm not going home.

It's Tuesday night.

192

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It's the classic party night.

193

00:07:11,563 --> 00:07:13,164

- Ho ho!

- Ha ha! Party night!

194

00:07:13,232 --> 00:07:14,465

- Shake it. Shake it.

- All right.

195

00:07:14,533 --> 00:07:17,435

I love this guy's fresh take

on weekdays.

196

00:07:17,503 --> 00:07:19,670

You--you guys have beers

at your place, right?

197

00:07:19,738 --> 00:07:21,606

Bought a 12'er yesterday.

198

00:07:21,673 --> 00:07:23,274

No, we don't have beers

199

00:07:23,342 --> 00:07:25,676

because I beer battered

some brats

200

00:07:25,744 --> 00:07:28,780

and then drank 11 beers.

201

00:07:28,847 --> 00:07:30,515

Rude!

202

00:07:30,582 --> 00:07:31,916

Here's the deal,

203

00:07:31,984 --> 00:07:33,818

you guys go get the booze,

we'll call the cab.

204

00:07:33,886 --> 00:07:36,621

- Let's go!

- The guy gets it.

205

00:07:36,688 --> 00:07:39,757

I'm not paying for a cab, man.

206

00:07:39,825 --> 00:07:42,794

One case of delicious beer.

207

00:07:42,861 --> 00:07:46,431

Sorry, buddy.

It's 2:02.

208

00:07:46,498 --> 00:07:52,370

[Chuckles]

You're kidding, right?

209

00:07:52,438 --> 00:07:55,039

No.

210

00:07:55,107 --> 00:07:58,609

Wow. You'd think he'd have

a giant heart under there,

211

00:07:58,677 --> 00:07:59,944

wouldn't ya?

212

00:08:00,012 --> 00:08:02,213

Look like it's the end

of the road for us, bud.

213

00:08:02,281 --> 00:08:05,983

Before we go, maybe we should

grab you a vaginal douche,

214

00:08:06,051 --> 00:08:07,652

you giant [bleep].

215

00:08:07,719 --> 00:08:11,422

Watch and learn.

216

00:08:14,493 --> 00:08:15,993

The old switcheroo.

217

00:08:16,061 --> 00:08:18,796

We got ourselves a regular

beer macgruber here.

218

00:08:18,864 --> 00:08:21,632

- This is day one stuff, dude.

- You are the master.

219

00:08:21,700 --> 00:08:23,201

That's right.

220

00:08:23,268 --> 00:08:25,436

I know I'm always talking

about getting out of this town.

221

00:08:25,504 --> 00:08:27,839

But, uh, if I don't get out

of here,

222

00:08:27,906 --> 00:08:30,575

I think city councilman

is something I could do.

223

00:08:30,642 --> 00:08:33,110

I think you'd make an amazing

city councilman, dude.

224

00:08:33,178 --> 00:08:34,579

Thank you.

We're always kidding.

225

00:08:34,646 --> 00:08:36,380

Like, I'm always kidding

and you'll kid right back at me.

226

00:08:36,448 --> 00:08:37,448

I don't want to do that anymore.

227

00:08:37,516 --> 00:08:38,616

No more jokes.

228

00:08:38,684 --> 00:08:39,717

You're one of my best friends.

229

00:08:39,785 --> 00:08:40,918

I just want the best

for you, dude.

230

00:08:40,986 --> 00:08:42,620

- Yeah, me too.

- Let's take a photo.

231

00:08:42,688 --> 00:08:44,422

This is some real

friendship stuff.

232

00:08:44,490 --> 00:08:46,157

We need to commemorate this

right here.

233

00:08:46,225 --> 00:08:47,625

Go ahead.

♪ Aaah ♪

234

00:08:47,693 --> 00:08:50,561

- Ah. Best friends!

- Ha ha!

235

00:08:50,629 --> 00:08:51,863

- Ah.

- Let me see it.

236

00:08:51,930 --> 00:08:53,097

Think you're gonna make

the city council

237

00:08:53,165 --> 00:08:54,532

after I leak this photo?

238

00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:56,467

I don't see why not.

239

00:08:56,535 --> 00:08:58,870

'Cause my balls are hanging out.

240

00:09:03,742 --> 00:09:06,344

- No.

- [Bleep] this.

241

00:09:06,411 --> 00:09:08,980

Let's party.

[Laughs]

242

00:09:09,047 --> 00:09:13,117

[Whistles]

243

00:09:13,185 --> 00:09:17,321

And one case of non-alcoholic

sodas, please.

244

00:09:17,389 --> 00:09:19,524

Tuesday night.

Decided to get wild.

245

00:09:19,591 --> 00:09:21,459

Drink some sodas with my buddies.

246

00:09:21,527 --> 00:09:24,061

Great store here.

Lot of cool sunglasses.

247

00:09:24,129 --> 00:09:27,098

[Whispers] We got this.

248

00:09:27,165 --> 00:09:30,668

Hey, thanks a lot. Cool.

Have a good one.

249

00:09:30,736 --> 00:09:35,640

[Clicks tongue]

250

00:09:35,707 --> 00:09:38,009

Oh, hell, no!

251

00:09:38,076 --> 00:09:39,844

Well, that's not a soda

now is it?

252

00:09:39,912 --> 00:09:42,413

- You're dead!

- Let's go!

253

00:09:50,119 --> 00:09:51,953

We got to go.

Why are your nuts out?

254

00:09:52,021 --> 00:09:53,821

Where's your nuts?

Why aren't they hanging out?

255

00:09:53,889 --> 00:09:55,456

What are you guys doing?

The cab's on the way.

256

00:09:55,524 --> 00:09:57,058

- Oh, my God.

- Come on. We got to go. Drive!

257

00:09:57,126 --> 00:09:59,060

- Go around. Go around.

- What's going on?

258

00:09:59,128 --> 00:10:02,163

Oh, [bleep]!

Pop the trunk!

259

00:10:02,231 --> 00:10:04,020

- Go, go, go!

- Oh!

260

00:10:04,528 --> 00:10:05,862

Did B-Rad just jump

in the trunk

261

00:10:05,930 --> 00:10:07,430

with a case of diet shasta?

262

00:10:07,498 --> 00:10:11,367

No, no, no. We pulled a little

switched-a-dooza-roozle.

263

00:10:11,435 --> 00:10:13,736

Hey, B-Rad, we're gonna get you

out of there, okay?

264

00:10:13,804 --> 00:10:16,606

- As soon as we stop.

- I'm fine. I'm okay.

265

00:10:16,674 --> 00:10:18,041

I'm not dead.

266

00:10:18,109 --> 00:10:20,009

Hey, farmer Ders,

this isn't a tractor, okay?

267

00:10:20,077 --> 00:10:21,945

We're not plowing a field.

We're fleeing a crime scene.

268

00:10:22,012 --> 00:10:23,146

Let's go! Pick it up!

269

00:10:23,214 --> 00:10:24,547

Adam, I am not going

any faster, okay?

270

00:10:24,615 --> 00:10:25,682

- I'm drunk driving.

- Two beers.

271

00:10:25,749 --> 00:10:26,749

You robbed a convenience store.

272

00:10:26,817 --> 00:10:28,084

You've had two beers.

273

00:10:28,152 --> 00:10:29,586

They probably got

my license plate number!

274

00:10:29,653 --> 00:10:30,954

- Two beers!

- Guys! Come on!

275

00:10:31,021 --> 00:10:32,222

Let's go home, drink some beer,

276

00:10:32,289 --> 00:10:33,389

and eat a handful

of those penises

277

00:10:33,457 --> 00:10:34,691

you're always talking about.

278

00:10:34,758 --> 00:10:36,159

They're not penises!

They're paninis!

279

00:10:36,227 --> 00:10:37,927

And if you think

you're getting one now

280

00:10:37,995 --> 00:10:40,597

after this whole hullabaloo,

you are dead w--

281

00:10:40,664 --> 00:10:42,232

Who's smoking weed?

I smell weed.

282

00:10:42,299 --> 00:10:43,933

- Who's smoking it?

- I'm smoking a joint.

283

00:10:44,001 --> 00:10:46,002

I'm hotboxing with God!

284

00:10:46,070 --> 00:10:51,007

"Hotboxing with God"?

B-Rad is rad!

285

00:10:51,075 --> 00:10:54,010

Yeah. And you are looking good

in my cop uniform.

286

00:10:54,078 --> 00:10:56,779

That's actually the uniform

I wear to stripping class.

287

00:10:56,847 --> 00:10:57,981

Which reminds me,

I have a 5k run/walk

288

00:10:58,048 --> 00:10:59,315

with the gals later.

289

00:10:59,383 --> 00:11:01,484

I think you might be gay, dude!

290

00:11:01,552 --> 00:11:04,254

It's actually not as gay as it--

Okay.

291

00:11:04,321 --> 00:11:05,722

That's it.

292

00:11:05,789 --> 00:11:07,457

No more hotboxing of any kind

in my car, all right?

293

00:11:07,525 --> 00:11:10,059

Do you understand?

This is my Volvo. My rules.

294

00:11:10,127 --> 00:11:12,529

- Why aren't we moving?

- Chill out, Ders.

295

00:11:12,596 --> 00:11:14,697

What's a duah checkpoint?

296

00:11:14,765 --> 00:11:16,533

Oh, no, that is a D.U.I. checkpoint.

297

00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:17,700

- What?

- We're cool.

298

00:11:17,768 --> 00:11:19,502

Just eat a penny.

Suck on a penny.

299

00:11:19,570 --> 00:11:24,174

[Groaning]

300

00:11:24,241 --> 00:11:25,542

This isn't cool.

They don't like this.

301

00:11:25,609 --> 00:11:29,179

I'll tell you that.

Wait. Bradley.

302

00:11:33,284 --> 00:11:35,084

- Oh, jeez!

- What the heck?

303

00:11:35,152 --> 00:11:36,920

- Bradley's in the trunk.

- I don't know what happened.

304

00:11:36,987 --> 00:11:38,655

Everything turned white.

305

00:11:38,722 --> 00:11:41,124

[Police radio chatter]

306

00:11:41,192 --> 00:11:44,527

Oh, man, Alice

is gonna murder/fire us.

307

00:11:44,595 --> 00:11:46,963

Not unless we murder/suicide

each other first.

308

00:11:47,031 --> 00:11:49,365

Let's murder/suicide each other.

No. We can't do that.

309

00:11:49,433 --> 00:11:50,900

We've discussed this.

I can't kill you guys.

310

00:11:50,968 --> 00:11:52,368

I love you way too much.

311

00:11:52,436 --> 00:11:53,603

Guys, I'm going to get arrested

312

00:11:53,671 --> 00:11:55,038

when they find a body

in my trunk.

313

00:11:55,105 --> 00:11:56,039

Body and drugs.

314

00:11:56,106 --> 00:11:57,173

Seriously, man,

315

00:11:57,241 --> 00:11:58,474

thank you for taking the rap

for us.

316

00:11:58,542 --> 00:12:00,076

We're gonna conjugally

visit you in prison.

317

00:12:00,144 --> 00:12:02,178

No, no, no.

Nobody's going to jail.

318

00:12:02,246 --> 00:12:03,713

Whenever I'm in a bad situation,

319

00:12:03,781 --> 00:12:06,549

I call the smartest guy

I know, Carl.

320

00:12:06,617 --> 00:12:09,319

- The drug dealer.

- The human genius.

321

00:12:09,386 --> 00:12:11,421

- He's the smartest guy ever.

- Yeah.

322

00:12:11,488 --> 00:12:13,690

Eccentrically he wears

two different colored shoes.

323

00:12:13,757 --> 00:12:14,891

- Socks.

- Really?

324

00:12:14,959 --> 00:12:17,393

- Yeah.

- That's smart.

325

00:12:17,461 --> 00:12:19,562

All right, soldiers,

here's how it's gonna go down.

326

00:12:19,630 --> 00:12:21,497

Two-man teams of two.

327

00:12:21,565 --> 00:12:24,634

Blake, you and Ders are our men

inside infiltrating.

328

00:12:24,702 --> 00:12:26,236

Me and da man,

we'll hang back here in HQ

329

00:12:26,303 --> 00:12:27,403

acting as backup.

330

00:12:27,471 --> 00:12:30,039

Yeah, HQ! Team HQ.

331

00:12:30,107 --> 00:12:31,107

HQ "Headquarters"?

332

00:12:31,175 --> 00:12:33,243

This is a filthy, creepy van

333

00:12:33,310 --> 00:12:35,812

that someone wrote "rape"

on the side of.

334

00:12:35,879 --> 00:12:37,280

I wrote that.

335

00:12:37,348 --> 00:12:39,082

The van doesn't have any locks

and the word "rape"

336

00:12:39,149 --> 00:12:40,316

keeps all the weirdoes away, bro.

337

00:12:40,384 --> 00:12:43,386

- Oh, good idea.

- The human genius.

338

00:12:43,454 --> 00:12:44,621

It's not genius.

It isn't genius.

339

00:12:44,688 --> 00:12:46,256

You don't have

any formal education.

340

00:12:46,323 --> 00:12:47,957

At least I'm wearing camel flage.

341

00:12:48,025 --> 00:12:50,493

- "Camel flage"?

- Camel flage.

342

00:12:50,561 --> 00:12:52,895

The only reason I'm not

totally onboard right now

343

00:12:52,963 --> 00:12:54,464

is that Ders is breaking

and entering

344

00:12:54,531 --> 00:12:55,865

when I should be doing that

345

00:12:55,933 --> 00:12:57,233

'cause I have--

I'm the most courageous.

346

00:12:57,301 --> 00:12:58,601

I'm like the cowardly lion.

347

00:12:58,669 --> 00:13:00,503

- He had a lot of courage.

- But opposite of that.

348

00:13:00,571 --> 00:13:03,072

He's right. I'm not

the breaking and entering type.

349

00:13:03,140 --> 00:13:05,708

Ders, look into my eye.

My good eye.

350

00:13:05,776 --> 00:13:07,210

Wh--I don't know which one's

the good eye.

351

00:13:07,278 --> 00:13:09,012

This one, bro.

The wonky one.

352

00:13:09,079 --> 00:13:10,446

It makes its own rules, dude.

353

00:13:10,514 --> 00:13:12,649

Look how wonky it is!

It's wonky!

354

00:13:12,716 --> 00:13:14,951

I'm running this mission

and I need you in there.

355

00:13:15,019 --> 00:13:16,185

Give me this.

356

00:13:16,253 --> 00:13:17,453

Now, we're gonna be on Channel 7

357

00:13:17,521 --> 00:13:18,921

so please keep the chatter

to a minimum.

358

00:13:18,989 --> 00:13:21,591

- Okay, we get it.

- Do you get it, bro?

359

00:13:21,659 --> 00:13:23,293

Me and Blake were in Iraq.

360

00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:25,028

That was Quebec, dude.

361

00:13:25,095 --> 00:13:26,896

- Was it?

- Okay.

362

00:13:26,964 --> 00:13:28,598

I'm gonna go get my car back.

Thank you.

363

00:13:28,666 --> 00:13:29,932

It's all right.

We got this handled.

364

00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:31,134

- Yeah.

- Come on, Ders!

365

00:13:31,201 --> 00:13:33,136

Quebec, Iraq,

it's all the same thing.

366

00:13:33,203 --> 00:13:34,937

Have fun, guys!

Be safe!

367

00:13:35,005 --> 00:13:37,206

Oh, man, what are we

gonna do for backup?

368

00:13:37,274 --> 00:13:39,442

Surveillance?

Little recon action?

369

00:13:39,510 --> 00:13:44,280

- No, dude, backup vocals.

- Oh. ♪ Duh duh duh ♪

370

00:13:44,348 --> 00:13:45,848

I hope you realize

by cutting that lock

371

00:13:45,916 --> 00:13:47,417

you're adding eight years

to our sentence.

372

00:13:47,484 --> 00:13:49,952

Where would they put

a super old Volvo?

373

00:13:50,020 --> 00:13:51,421

They'd probably put it

by the front

374

00:13:51,488 --> 00:13:52,588

because it'd get them business.

375

00:13:52,656 --> 00:13:55,825

- It's a classic.

- Come on.

376

00:13:55,893 --> 00:13:57,060

[Dog barking]

377

00:13:57,127 --> 00:14:00,596

Um, Ders, it's a dog.

There's a dog.

378

00:14:00,664 --> 00:14:02,498

Adam, we got a dog.

There's a dog problem.

379

00:14:02,566 --> 00:14:04,467

Adam?

Adam, we got a dog problem.

380

00:14:04,535 --> 00:14:06,202

Adam, Adam, are you there?

Adam, come in.

381

00:14:06,270 --> 00:14:08,638

It's a concept album

about a dude who goes to space

382

00:14:08,706 --> 00:14:12,342

- and bangs an alien.

- [Coughs] Oh.

383

00:14:12,409 --> 00:14:13,609

It's beautiful, dude.

384

00:14:13,677 --> 00:14:15,678

[Dog barking]

385

00:14:15,746 --> 00:14:19,449

Hey, give me one of those

Luna Bars that you always have.

386

00:14:19,516 --> 00:14:23,286

- Come on. I know you have one.

- I don't always have one.

387

00:14:23,354 --> 00:14:27,190

[Dog barking]

388

00:14:27,257 --> 00:14:31,027

- Go. Go.

- [Whimpering]

389

00:14:36,333 --> 00:14:39,869

[Whispers]

B-Rad, it's us, dude.

390

00:14:39,937 --> 00:14:43,005

- Um, this seems bad.

- No, it doesn't.

391

00:14:43,073 --> 00:14:45,375

- What? How?

- Oh, you said "bad."

392

00:14:45,442 --> 00:14:47,043

I thought you said

"This seems Brad."

393

00:14:47,111 --> 00:14:50,079

- No. Bad.

- Yeah. This is bad.

394

00:14:58,675 --> 00:15:02,511

♪ We're banging aliens tonight ♪

395

00:15:02,579 --> 00:15:06,382

♪ 'cause we're sad and lonely, yeah ♪

396

00:15:06,449 --> 00:15:10,419

Both: ♪ we're banging aliens tonight ♪

397

00:15:10,487 --> 00:15:13,922

♪ 'cause I'm a little bit horny ♪

398

00:15:13,990 --> 00:15:17,893

Ow! God damn it!

399

00:15:17,961 --> 00:15:21,196

You guys realize you parked

in a clearly marked

400

00:15:21,264 --> 00:15:25,301

tow-away zone

outside of a tow yard?

401

00:15:25,368 --> 00:15:27,703

Yeah, we know that, dude,

'cause we're crazy like that.

402

00:15:27,771 --> 00:15:30,105

We're a couple of crazies.

It's two versus one.

403

00:15:30,173 --> 00:15:33,309

You want some of this, bro?

Carl, get him!

404

00:15:33,376 --> 00:15:35,244

- I'm sorry, Adam.

- He's running.

405

00:15:35,312 --> 00:15:37,179

He's just hoofin' it.

That's cool.

406

00:15:37,247 --> 00:15:38,981

Good friend of mine.

Real close buddy of mine.

407

00:15:39,049 --> 00:15:43,152

- [Radio] Adam. Adam.

- Oh, yeah. Cool.

408

00:15:43,219 --> 00:15:47,256

What, is this made of dirt?

[Laughs] Just joshin' ya.

409

00:15:47,324 --> 00:15:48,857

It's not made--

It's denim.

410

00:15:48,925 --> 00:15:52,194

And, quite frankly,

it looks good on you.

411

00:15:52,262 --> 00:15:54,563

- Yeah. Okay.

- Let's go for a walk.

412

00:15:54,631 --> 00:15:57,366

- Okeydoke.

- Hey. Hello.

413

00:15:57,434 --> 00:16:00,803

- Where are you?

- We're in the car.

414

00:16:00,870 --> 00:16:04,306

- Which car?

- What? We're in the Volvo!

415

00:16:04,374 --> 00:16:06,709

- Are you high?

- Oh, man, I bet they are.

416

00:16:06,776 --> 00:16:08,210

HQ sounds so fun.

417

00:16:08,278 --> 00:16:11,480

[Whining]

I want to be there so bad.

418

00:16:11,548 --> 00:16:14,450

[Knocks on window]

419

00:16:14,517 --> 00:16:16,819

Y'all broke in here

to steal this turd?

420

00:16:16,886 --> 00:16:19,822

"Turd"? With regularly

scheduled maintenance,

421

00:16:19,889 --> 00:16:21,724

this Volvo will run forever.

422

00:16:21,791 --> 00:16:25,994

Hey!

You're in my world now.

423

00:16:26,062 --> 00:16:28,464

And it is just such a lovely

world you got here.

424

00:16:28,531 --> 00:16:30,032

Now, see, you think

you can break in here

425

00:16:30,100 --> 00:16:32,067

and there's no consequences,

right?

426

00:16:32,135 --> 00:16:34,503

Yeah. That's what we

were going for.

427

00:16:34,571 --> 00:16:38,006

You know, if this were

actually a free country,

428

00:16:38,074 --> 00:16:40,709

[whispers] I'd be getting

real weird with you right now.

429

00:16:40,777 --> 00:16:43,011

[Whispers] It's already

very weird, sir.

430

00:16:43,079 --> 00:16:47,216

But because of Obama,

I can't even shoot your ass

431

00:16:47,283 --> 00:16:48,384

without getting arrested.

432

00:16:48,451 --> 00:16:50,285

Well, bust this. Bam.

433

00:16:50,353 --> 00:16:55,424

Obama can't take away

my lightsaber.

434

00:16:55,492 --> 00:16:57,893

[Whisper] Why does everybody

have one of those except me?

435

00:16:57,961 --> 00:17:02,798

This is going inside your tight,

436

00:17:02,866 --> 00:17:07,002

moist, little doo-doo puss.

437

00:17:07,070 --> 00:17:08,904

Hold it right there!

438

00:17:08,972 --> 00:17:12,307

This vehicle is part

of a police investigation!

439

00:17:12,375 --> 00:17:13,942

Oh, wait, you're a cop?

440

00:17:14,010 --> 00:17:15,878

What, you don't think

I can be a cop?

441

00:17:15,945 --> 00:17:19,248

No, no, no. You see,

that's not what I meant.

442

00:17:19,315 --> 00:17:21,383

Good! I'll be taking

the car with me

443

00:17:21,451 --> 00:17:23,419

and these gentlemen.

444

00:17:23,486 --> 00:17:24,753

Okay, sir.

445

00:17:24,821 --> 00:17:27,156

Thank you.

Thank you, officer.

446

00:17:27,223 --> 00:17:29,191

Don't make me come back here!

447

00:17:29,259 --> 00:17:31,093

Now, you see, I would never

do some [bleep] like that.

448

00:17:31,161 --> 00:17:32,828

You're my homeboy, man.

449

00:17:32,896 --> 00:17:35,431

I'm getting ready

to shoot up this bitch.

450

00:17:35,498 --> 00:17:39,101

I could feel that.

451

00:17:39,169 --> 00:17:42,471

Oh, crap. Go! Go! Go!

452

00:17:42,539 --> 00:17:43,806

Go! Go! Go! Go!

453

00:17:43,873 --> 00:17:45,174

I will find you!

454

00:17:45,241 --> 00:17:48,243

I promise I will find you,

bitches!

455

00:17:48,311 --> 00:17:51,213

[Cheers and laughter]

456

00:17:51,281 --> 00:17:52,381

- Man!

- Oh, my God.

457

00:17:52,449 --> 00:17:53,682

You totally had that guy fooled

458

00:17:53,750 --> 00:17:56,518

until, you know,

the pants got all sexy on you.

459

00:17:56,586 --> 00:17:58,687

B-Rad, you literally saved

my butthole's life, man.

460

00:17:58,755 --> 00:18:00,889

And it's never

gonna forget that, dude.

461

00:18:00,957 --> 00:18:02,357

Guys, it's, like,

4:00 in the morning.

462

00:18:02,425 --> 00:18:03,926

Alice is probably sitting

at home right now

463

00:18:03,993 --> 00:18:05,227

thinking of how she's going

to fire us.

464

00:18:05,295 --> 00:18:06,495

Oh, yeah.

465

00:18:06,563 --> 00:18:09,231

She's probably hanging out

on the couch

466

00:18:09,299 --> 00:18:10,632

in the kimono thinking about me

467

00:18:10,700 --> 00:18:12,067

doing some power squats.

468

00:18:12,135 --> 00:18:13,936

Dude, I'm right here.

469

00:18:14,003 --> 00:18:15,871

And I just got a text from her.

470

00:18:15,939 --> 00:18:18,874

She's leaving the office now.

471

00:18:18,942 --> 00:18:20,075

All right, boys,

it's time to put it

472

00:18:20,143 --> 00:18:21,243

into hyperdrive.

473

00:18:21,311 --> 00:18:22,678

- Let's do this!

- Yeah!

474

00:18:22,745 --> 00:18:23,812

- Yeah!

- Come on!

475

00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:24,980

Come on, Anders!

Move your ass!

476

00:18:25,048 --> 00:18:26,582

- Whoo!

- It's a light.

477

00:18:26,649 --> 00:18:27,749

Yeah.

478

00:18:27,817 --> 00:18:28,984

Soon as we're through this light.

479

00:18:29,052 --> 00:18:30,018

Sure.

480

00:18:37,334 --> 00:18:40,469

[Elevator dings]

481

00:18:40,537 --> 00:18:42,037

[Car alarm beeps off]

482

00:18:47,811 --> 00:18:51,447

I know a shortcut.

Left here! Right at the light!

483

00:18:51,514 --> 00:18:52,448

- Let's go.

- Go go.

484

00:18:52,515 --> 00:18:54,516

[Car horn blares]

485

00:18:58,588 --> 00:19:01,991

Play artist Norah Jones.

486

00:19:02,058 --> 00:19:04,994

Please repeat.

487

00:19:05,061 --> 00:19:08,631

Play artist Norah Jones.

488

00:19:08,698 --> 00:19:09,932

Please repeat.

489

00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:12,134

Okay, I pl--I play

the same [bleep] song

490

00:19:12,202 --> 00:19:13,135

every night.

491

00:19:13,203 --> 00:19:15,237

Norah [bleep] Jones.

492

00:19:15,305 --> 00:19:20,276

- Norah Jones.

- Thank you.

493

00:19:20,343 --> 00:19:22,945

Turn by the sign.

Now left.

494

00:19:23,013 --> 00:19:25,914

- We're almost there!

- Yeah, baby!

495

00:19:25,982 --> 00:19:29,451

[Tires screeching]

496

00:19:33,890 --> 00:19:35,491

♪ I love the strokes of love ♪

497

00:19:35,558 --> 00:19:37,893

♪ painted up on your face ♪

498

00:19:37,961 --> 00:19:39,128

Move it, man.

499

00:19:39,195 --> 00:19:41,797

♪ Aye-yah-yah-yah-yah ♪

500

00:19:41,865 --> 00:19:43,198

♪ aye-yah-yah-yah-yah ♪

501

00:19:43,266 --> 00:19:45,501

[Car alarm beeps on]

502

00:19:45,568 --> 00:19:48,937

Pull over!

Pull over!

503

00:19:49,005 --> 00:19:50,172

We made it!

504

00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:52,941

We thought you were taking us

to your house.

505

00:19:53,009 --> 00:19:57,079

Yeah. My house of pancakes.

I'm starving.

506

00:19:57,147 --> 00:19:58,714

Yeah, let's go inside.

Let's get pancakes.

507

00:19:58,782 --> 00:20:00,783

Let's get some job applications

508

00:20:00,850 --> 00:20:02,318

because we're going to be fired.

509

00:20:02,385 --> 00:20:03,986

I'm an adult.

510

00:20:04,054 --> 00:20:06,722

I can stay out as late as I want.

511

00:20:06,790 --> 00:20:09,792

I will talk to Alice

and tell her the truth.

512

00:20:09,859 --> 00:20:12,828

You guys showed me a great time.

513

00:20:12,896 --> 00:20:15,030

She won't be mad.

Trust me.

514

00:20:15,098 --> 00:20:17,266

Let's destroy some short stacks!

515

00:20:17,334 --> 00:20:18,734

All: Yeah.

516

00:20:18,802 --> 00:20:21,503

And [bleep] chicks!

517

00:20:21,571 --> 00:20:23,105

Yeah, we'll do our best.

We'll try.

518

00:20:23,173 --> 00:20:24,940

- Yeah, definitely.

- It's difficult.

519

00:20:25,008 --> 00:20:27,710

- It's harder than you think.

- B-Rad in the house.

520

00:20:27,777 --> 00:20:30,479

- In the house of pancakes.

- Oh, yeah.

521

00:20:30,547 --> 00:20:33,716

- This is a good idea.

- Starving.

522

00:20:33,783 --> 00:20:35,317

This guy's gonna have

some sausage.

523

00:20:35,385 --> 00:20:36,948

I can tell.

524

00:20:36,949 --> 00:20:47,149

Sync by honeybunny

www.addic7ed.com

Workaholics 01x05 English Subtitles

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Transcript of Workaholics 01x05 English Subtitles