Wordy Sentences Long sentences are not necessarily wordy, nor are short sentences always concise. A...
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Transcript of Wordy Sentences Long sentences are not necessarily wordy, nor are short sentences always concise. A...
Wordy SentencesLong sentences are not necessarily wordy, nor are short sentences always concise. A
sentence is wordy if it can be tightened without loss of meaning.
Eliminate Redundancies
Writers often repeat themselves unnecessarily, thinking that
expressions such as cooperate together, yellow in color, or basic essentials add emphasis to their
writing. In reality, such redundancies do just the
opposite. There is no need to say the same thing twice.
Example 1“Daniel is now employed at a private
rehabilitation center working as a registered physical therapist.”
“Daniel works at a private rehabilitation center as a registered
physical therapist.”
Example 2“Sylvia very hurriedly scribbled her
name, address, and phone number on a greasy napkin.”
“Sylvia scribbled her name, address, and phone number on a greasy
napkin.”
Example 2“Gabriele Muccino’s film The Pursuit
of Happyness tells the story of a single father determined in his mind
to pull himself and his son out of homelessness.”
“Gabriele Muccino’s film The Pursuit of Happyness tells the story of a single father determined to pull himself and
his son out of homelessness.”
Avoid unnecessary repetition of words
Example 1
“Our fifth patient, in room six, is a mentally ill patient.”
“Our fifth patient, in room six, is mentally ill.”
Example 2A study by the Henry J. Kaiser Family
Foundation (2004) studied the effects of diet and exercise on childhood obesity.”
A study by the Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation (2004) measured the effects of diet
and exercise on childhood obesity.”
Cut empty words or inflated phrases
An empty phrase can be cut with little or no loss of meaning. Common examples are
introductory word groups that weaken the writer’s authority by apologizing or hedging: In my opinion, I think that, it seems that, one
must admit that.
These phrases will also be known as “Slow Wind-ups” when applied to the
Paramedic Method.
Inflated Concise1.along the lines of
2.as a matter of fact
3.at all times
4.at the present time
5.at this point in time
6.because of the fact that
7.in fact
8.always
9.now, currently
10.now, currently
11.because
12.jbikj
1. like
2. in fact
3. always
4. now, currently
5. now, currently
6. because
Inflated Concise1.by means of
2.by virtue of the fact that
3.due to the fact that
4.for the purpose of
5.for the reason that
6.have the ability to
1. by
2. because
3. because
4. for
5. because
6. be able to, can
Inflated Concise1.in light of the fact
that
2.in order to
3.in spite of the fact that
4.in the even that
5.in the final analysis
6.in the nature of
1. because
2. to
3. although, though
4. if
5. finally
6. like
Examples“In my opinion, our current
immigration policy is misguided.”
“Our current immigration policy is misguided.”“We are unable to provide funding, at this
point in time.”“We are unable to provide funding now.”
Simplify the structure
If the structure of a sentence is needlessly indirect, try simplifying it. Look for opportunities
to strengthen the verb.
Example 1“The financial analyst claimed that because of a volatile market conditions she could not make an estimate of the company’s future
profits.” “The financial analyst claimed that because of a
volatile market conditions she could not estimate the company’s future profits.”
Example 2“Investigators were involved in examining
the effect of classical music on unborn babies.”
“Investigators examined the effect of classical music on unborn babies.”
Example 4“There is another module that tells the story of
Charles Darwin and introduces the theory of evolution.”
“Another module tells the story of Charles Darwin and introduces the theory of evolution.”
Example 5“It is imperative that all night managers follow strict procedures when locking the
safe.”“All night managers must follow strict procedures when locking the safe.”
Reduce clause to phrases, phrases to single words
Example 1“We took a side trip to Monticello, which was the home of Thomas
Jefferson.”
“We took a side trip to Monticello, the home of Thomas Jefferson.”
Example 2“In the essay, that follows, I argue against
Immanuel Kant’s claim that we should not lie under any circumstances, which is a
problematic assertion.”“In this essay, I argue against Immanuel Kant’s problematic claim that we should
not lie under any circumstances.