1. WORD OF THE DAY2. SENTENCE STRUCTURE REVIEW3. REVISIONS4. WORK SESSION

HW: PRINTED DRAFT EVERY DAY IN CLASS. APPLY REVISIONS TO YOUR PAPER. NEXT WEEK WE BEGIN PEER EDITING.

Today you will apply various sentence structure techniques in order to

improve the continuity of your drafts.

Works Cited Reminders: YOUR responsibilityMake sure it gets in your draft!

Entries go in ABC orderPeriods go INSIDE “quotation marks.” Books, Magazines, Newspapers, TV/Movie Titles

Get Italicized“Article Titles in Quotation Marks”All Words Other Than Prepositions Get

CapitalizedREVERSE/HANGING INDENT means the second

lines get tabbed over oneDouble SpacedIf there is no date of publication, you write n.d.

Impede/Hinder/Thwart (verb)

To stop progression with obstaclesSlow, obstruct, almost stop, gets in the way

Continuity can be impeded/thwarted/hindered through a lack of transitions.

Progress on pharmaceutical reforms has been thwarted/impeded/hindered by many companies’ unwillingness to give up profits in the best interest of the patient.

What do you need to make a complete sentence?

Who/what the sentence is about

The action being performed/what the who/what is DOING

Sometimes what the action is being done to

The Subject

The PredicateVerb

The Direct Object

I am awesome.

The monster alien ate the senior’s paper before class.

Ms. Broccolino, our Seminar teacher, loves Ryan Gosling.

The original paragraph My helpful revision The United States’ main goal in the

Vietnam War was undoubtedly to stop the spread of communism. The world believed in “The Domino Theory,” which was the idea that if one country was taken over by communists, the other countries around it would as well (O’Malley, 2011). The United States also believed it must save Vietnam from the Viet Cong to prevent the Domino Theory from occurring, which would also save it from the Soviet Union (Time Magazine, 1965). The idea that South Vietnam was virtually the only nation that could stop the communists from conquering the entire Pacific region was in fact flawed, even though this mentality fueled pro-Vietnam sentiments back home.

The United States’ main goal in the Vietnam War was undoubtedly to stop the spread of communism. Stemming from fears of the Soviet Union and the Cold War, much of the world believed in “The Domino Theory,” the idea that if one country fell to a communist regime, it was only a matter of time before countries surrounding it began to fall as well (O’Malley, 2011). In order to prevent this from occurring, the United States believed it must save Vietnam from the Viet Cong, thus also saving it from the Soviet Union (Time Magazine, 1965). While this mentality may have fueled the pro-Vietnam sentiments, the idea that South Vietnam was virtually the only nation that could stop the communists from conquering the entire Pacific region was in fact flawed.

From SSG Somes’ Army Paper

Why do we vary sentence structure?

Don’t let your sentences become The Jersey Shore of the senior project.

Combine these phrases into one sentenceNumber One: 1. The pig burst2. From under the fence3. In an explosion 4. Of dirt and pebbles5. Heaving Daniel into the air

How did you do it?

Author’s Original

In an explosion of dirt and pebbles, the pig burst from under the fence, heaving Daniel into the air.

Try another one (from The Great Gatsby)

Number Two: 1. Mr. Gatz opened the door2. and came out3. his eyes leaking isolated and unpunctual

tears4. his face flushed slightly5. after a little while

How did you do it?

Fitzgerald

After a little while, Mr. Gatz opened the door and came out, his face flushed slightly, his eyes leaking isolated and unpunctual tears.

One more time from Banner in the Sky

Number Three: 1. a roped file of men2. began slowly to climb the ice slope3. beneath heavy loads 4. of the great last ridge5. just beneath the jagged line6. with the first paling of the sky7. bent almost double

How did you do it?

Original Revised

1. The puppy is cute. 2. The puppy is

brown. 3. The puppy is

named Gatsby. 4. The puppy keeps

pooping on the rug.

Gatsby, the cute, brown puppy, keeps pooping on the rug.

Next skill: Sentence Combining!

Original Revised

1. The ASPCA helps animals.

2. This organization was founded in 1866.

3. This organization started in New York City.

4. It was started to try to help prevent animal abuse.

5. It does this by raising awareness.

Founded in New York City in 1866, the ASPCA attempts to prevent animal abuse through raising awareness.

Another example

Now, try to combine all these sentences into one, using whatever phrases and conjunctions you

need, and taking out unnecessary words!

Number Four:1. We rented a small apartment our first year

in New York2. The small apartment had a Catholic school

nearby3. The Sisters of Charity taught there4. The Sisters of Charity were hefty women in

long black gowns that made them look peculiar

5. The Sisters of Charity also wore bonnets that made them look peculiar

The Original from Snow

Our first year in New York, we rented a small apartment with a Catholic school nearby, taught by the Sisters of Charity, hefty women in long black gowns and bonnets that made them look peculiar.

Here is how it might look in full

(Background)Anything we see -- a person on the street, an ad on TV, a character in a movie -- has some influence on our next thoughts, emotions or actions, simply because it's top of mind, says Joanne Cantor, a psychologist and member of the American Psychological Association.

Cantor, professor of communication research at the University of Wisonsin-Madison, explains that empathetic people are likely to be especially affected by media priming. “If you’ve just seen a movie about really altruistic people and you get an opportunity to behave altruistically, you’ll probably do it, rather than if you’ve just seen a movie about selfish people,“ she says.

Something to think about next time you find yourself lured into an hours-long marathon of your favorite reality show. On the other hand, some of us could likely use more gym and laundry, if not tanning, in our lives.

Watching Jersey Shore might make you dumber, new study shows

See if you can add research in this way

Cantor, professor of communication research at the University of Wisonsin-Madison, explains that empathetic people are likely to be especially affected by media priming. “If you’ve just seen a movie about really altruistic people and you get an opportunity to behave altruistically, you’ll probably do it, rather than if you’ve just seen a movie about selfish people,“ she says.

Last name, job description, explains …paraphrase “quote,” she says (citation).

Application: Revision Section

Read through your draft

Underline FIVE sentences that you feel could use some sentence structure revision.

Revise them directly on your draft and make sure to incorporate them into your saved copy asap.

Share on your paper

Pick two of your original sentences.

Share your original vs. revision. Please and thank you