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APEX BUSINESS AND MANAGEMENT CONSULTANTS

Wise words to a son about

women skills

The MUST HAVE fives to keep her

hooked for life

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Wise words to a son about women skills

The must have fives to keep

her hooked for life

Hector Chapa Sikazwe, 2014

Keywords: Romance, sex, arousal, attractions, partnering, Procreation, Child bearing, social placement,

Companionship, Marriage, Kissing, body language, Pupil dilation, Relationship, Love, Gender

issues, Conversation, dressing, hygiene, Cuddling, Employment, Social status,

DISCLAIMER

This document is not a policy document and should not be used for medical, psychological,

therapeutically guided solutions, mental healing, depression, and image adaptation, religious or

spiritual solutions. This document is meant to be used for basic social enlightenment and academic

research and should not in any way be attributed or applied to any situation that requires correction

or rehabilitation for any person requiring professional help.

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Table of Contents The MUsT hAve fives To keep her hooked for life ............................... 1

Keywords: .......................................................................................................................................... 2

DISCLAIMER ................................................................................................................................... 2

Abstract..................................................................................................................................... 5

1.0 Introduction ............................................................................................................ 7

2.0 Five ways to hold a conversation. ......................................................................................... 12

2.1 Ask genuine, non-threatening questions ...................................................................................... 13

2.2 Observe and be perceptive ........................................................................................................... 14

2.3 Dont let her see you sweat, keep it light ..................................................................................... 15

2.4 Be an active listener ...................................................................................................................... 15

2.5 Dont drift away from the present. ............................................................................................... 16

3.0 Five ways to keep a woman intensely hooked. ..................................................................... 17

3.1 Eye contact is a killer for women .................................................................................................. 18

3.2 Use your voice romantically with assurance ................................................................................. 18

3.3 Dont follow or stalk a woman. ..................................................................................................... 19

3.4 Learn how to use hands romantically ........................................................................................... 19

3.5 Smile is the best medicine for romance ........................................................................................ 20

3.0 Five Ways to Get that First Kiss ........................................................................................... 20

3.1 Man up.......................................................................................................................................... 21

3.2 Watch her eyes ............................................................................................................................. 21

3.3 Hold her hand ............................................................................................................................... 21

3.4 Start with a cheek kiss .................................................................................................................. 22

3.5 Whisper in her ear. ....................................................................................................................... 22

4.0 The five ways to tell if a Woman is attracted to you ............................................................ 23

4.1 Does the woman like touching you involuntarily? ........................................................................ 24

4.2 Pupil Dilation ................................................................................................................................ 24

4.3 Does the woman like Leaning into you when you are near her? .................................................. 24

4.4 Does the woman enjoy you Buying her Drinks or gifts? ............................................................... 25

4.5 Does the woman enjoying Seeking Attention from you? .............................................................. 25

5.0 The five Ways Men Kill Attraction ...................................................................................... 26

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5.1 Dont talk in depth about past relationships ................................................................................ 26

5.2 Dont avoid eye contact ................................................................................................................ 26

5.3 Dont keep your hands to yourself ............................................................................................... 27

5.4 Dont devalue yourself ................................................................................................................. 27

5.5 Dont ignore her body language and reactions ............................................................................. 28

6.0 Five remedies to being a failure in the romance area. .......................................................... 29

6.1 Dress well to be noticed ............................................................................................................... 29

6.2 Be Likeable and approachable ...................................................................................................... 30

6.3 Get out and about......................................................................................................................... 30

6.4 Talking for the sake of talking ....................................................................................................... 31

6.5 Be on the move ............................................................................................................................ 31

7.0 Conclusion and possibly epilogue ........................................................................................ 31

8.0 Bibliography and references. ................................................................................................ 34

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Abstract

Men have always wanted to be experts at almost everything they attempt to do. Men have been to

the moon, split atoms, dissected the human anatomical makeup, decoded the DNA makeup of many

living organisms and even attempted to count the number of stars in the milk way but has never been

able to understand the simplicity that envelops a woman. Try as they may, men have failed to

understand that women are as simple as they are complex, depending on which information one uses

to apply decision process and reaction to her actions and inaction. To start with, the most important

thing for any man trying to attract women is not what one should do and say, but rather what one

shouldn't do and say.

Raising two teenage sons and seeing the conundrum and complexity of the effects of mistakes made

repeatedly in their lives, my personal confusion and bewilderment of how women have had me

tripped and made me feel inadequate. The result is that I have been enthused to conduct this simple

research into the behavioral theories out there that encompass the interaction between the two sexes.

Specifically, this is an attempt to equip my two sons with social-psychological and practical tools to

use in the arena of male and female attractions. I hope it works.

Paradoxically, in fact, one of the best ways to attract women is not to show any eagerness at all in

going after them. As the Bible says in one of its proverbs, A fool's mouth is his destruction

(Proverbs18:7). As soon as you open your mouth, there is a high likelihood that you will say

something that will be an immediate turn-off to any woman who might have previously noticed you.

So, as much as possible, say nothing, is the advice that my father once gave me when advising me

regarding women behavior. When a man becomes too common or less mysterious, women gradually

avoid such a man but when a man is mysterious, with the unknown quantity in question, women

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will gravitate toward him. He will be the envy of his friends, who would have seen woman after

woman disappear when they have tried such lines as, Hey baby, you are cute, and may I have your

number etc.

This research is from various source combinations of learned men and womens research works,

practical understanding from testimonies from friends, results of my failures and exploits, clinical

psychology reports and doctoral understanding of behavioral theories. This research is not a blue

print of success in attracting women but can be used as a sample of the various available advices

that are out there that relationship experts, social psychologists, medical advisers, church leaders and

marriage counselors use when assisting those having problems in the romance arena.

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1.0 Introduction

Men and women getting attracted to each other is a universal phenomenon. Every woman likes to

have a man in her life and vice versa. It is not all that easy to attract the opposite sex. No doubt,

during Adam and Eves days it was all that simple, there was only one choice! That was easy as

there were no alternatives but now human relationships have become very complicated and new

ways are being devised on how to interact without overthrowing the natural arrangement that exists

in centuries of social evolution and scientific discoveries of human psychoanalytical factors.

Companionship is very important for a human being. Man is a social animal and he likes to be in the

company of another person. A man seeks the company of woman and similarly a woman wants the

companionship of man, as both of them meet each others emotional and physical needs. If the going

is good, then both will definitely enjoy each others company, but in case they are unable to get

along, then naturally they simply cannot tolerate each other at all. Annihilation takes place.

This is controversial: All women are the same, irrespective of age, race, and level of education,

social status or achievements. They are all hewn from the same kiln. All women like the same things

that the next woman wants. It is so strange that men go around killing themselves in a bid to make a

woman love them more. It is a pity that the things that make a woman to want to stay are simple and

are the most basic as the simple things that women look for in a gentleman. Like already mentioned,

women are not as complicated as men would like to believe because men are brought up thinking

women need a lot more than they actually ask for. This basic research work into the pseudo mystery

of women needs will show that some basics that women are looking for in a man are easy to attain,

and women will stay hooked to a man as long as he is a master of some or all of these technics.

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Questions arise that are surely still unanswered even by the most eloquent love gurus. What do

women look for in a man? The answer, perhaps unsurprisingly, isn't so straightforward. Generally

speaking, men place more importance on beauty, while women value social status and access to

financial resources.1 Yet things become more complicated depending on the context. Research has

identified two factors that women take into account when assessing a potential sexual partner.

Women are not as dumb as men think. They are a lot more calculative than men give them credit.

Women will ask themselves questions that must satisfy their personal desires. First, is the

relationship of a short-term or a long-term nature? And second, is she likely to become pregnant?

According to Parental Investment Theory2, reproduction is a much more costly proposition for

females than it is for males. Mulder (1990) found that while women invest nine months in a

pregnancy, a man's initial contribution to the joys of parenthood boils down to just a few minutes of

love making, at the most seven minutes. Thus, women need to be particularly selective when it

comes to choosing a mate. Aside from a mans resources, his genetic gifts are decisive in the

selection process. Why? The thinking goes that in our ancestors' harsher environment a hardy

constitution went a long way in advancing evolution's ultimate aims: survival and reproduction. For

humans, this leads to two predictions. First, both males and females will be choosier in relationships

more likely to lead to the production of children. Second, females will be choosier than are males,

because their minimum risk of parental investment is higher.

1 http://cel.webofknowledge.com/InboundService.do?product=CEL&SID=Q1puPKp41BBrpV9fyki&UT=A1997XR25200006&SrcApp=Highwire&action=retrieve&Init=Yes&Func=Frame&SrcAuth=Highwire&customersID=Highwire&IsProductCode=Yes&mode=FullRecord 2 http://beheco.oxfordjournals.org/content/16/1/57.full

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Research in various works like Bleske AL, & Buss DM, (2000) and Mulder (1990) found that male

subjects seemed to be choosier for characteristics (e.g., attractive, grooming, and hygiene) related to

physical appearance or health, whereas female subjects tended to be choosier for characteristics

related to the resources of prospective mates (e.g., earning potential, high social status, university

graduate, and wealth) and when this is broken into smaller segments, there are some really simpler

reasons that a woman will choose a man over another and this little discourse discusses practical

rather than psychological aspects of partner choosing that takes place when a woman finally makes

up her mind when choosing a preferred partner.

As research by Buss et al (2000) revealed, men universally express a preference for youth in a long-

term mate, presumably an evolved desire originating from the close and recurrent statistical

association between a woman's age and her residual reproductive value (future reproductive

potential). As a consequence, research hypothesized a positive correlation for men (but not women)

between the number of children desired and preferred spousal age difference, a context-specific shift

in mate preference depending on whether the man is pursuing a quality or quantity reproductive

strategy. Numerous studies have found that women's mate preferences shift according to their

menstrual cycle. Buss et al (2000) examined desired minimum and maximum ages for mates across

five different levels of relationship involvement (marriage, serious relationship, falling in love,

casual sex, and sexual fantasies) comparing individuals of 20, 30, 40, 50, and 60 years old.

Consistent with previous findings, women preferred partners of their own age, regardless of their

own age and regardless of the level of relationship involvement. Men, on the other hand, regardless

of their own age, desired mates for short-term mating and for sexual fantasies who were in their

reproductive years.

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However, with regard to long-term mates, men preferred mates who, although younger than them,

were sometimes above the age of maximum fertility. During peak levels of fertility, they prefer more

masculine and socially dominant men. In the literature these men are known as cads.3 Indeed, they

tend to be sexy, with their narrow eyes and strong jaws but they also tend to be flashy and exploitative

of others. Even worse, these masculine men often embody the Dark Triad, a personality

constellation that encompasses Machiavellianism4, psychopathy5, and narcissism6.

Typically, these men offer only short-term prospects. With this in mind, no wonder women claim

they want such types of men dark and handsome and yet end up with just ordinary men who the

women can no longer justify why they are with such a final life partner. Most men are not dark, tall

and handsome but are just ordinary guys on the street with basic characteristics that most women

cannot explain away. Reasons are given in this discourse.

It is important to also provide reasons why men want to be with women and vice versa. Any loving

relationship fulfills several purposes and the love relationship between a man and a woman is no

exception. Why do men and women get attracted to each other?

(a) Physical needs

The desire to meet their physical needs as well as emotional needs of companionship is a

primary reason. In the West pre-marital sex is permissible, in the East it is a taboo, although

3 file:///C:/Users/Apex%20Business/Downloads/72e7e51dd93e652728.pdf 4 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Machiavellianism 5 http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/psychopathy 6 http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder/basics/symptoms/con-20025568

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among the urban youth the values are changing. The need for companionship is very essential

as a person would like to share his or her feelings with another person. In the West, people

marry even if they are in their seventies, although, in East society does not accept marriage

at this age. Older couples feel they would rather live with each other than in an old age home.

(b) Economic reasons

Economic compulsions are also reasons for couples to get together. A woman often gets

attracted to a man for his money. This may be the case with a man as well. A well earning

man would be able to get a woman of his choice as he knows that most woman want financial

security and would like their man to be economically well placed.

(c) Procreation

The need to have children is another reason. Women like to settle down in domestic life and

have children. A man would like to earn and take care of his family. Without a family to

support he may not find any meaning in his effort to earn money.

(d) Society dictates

Society also compels men and women to get together and settle down in marriage and have

a family. In the West, the concept of a single woman is catching on, but in the East it is not

easy for a single woman to carry on with her life. Marriage in the East is given much

importance, and often the woman accepts the mans infidelity as she feels the society will

not accept her so easily if she leaves him.

Also, sex within the marriage is the norm and those having it outside marriage are usually

not well received. The present day youth in urban areas are challenging this norm, but it is

not all that easy for society to accept.

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(e) Shared interests

Two individuals may want to spend their life together as they have much in common. As

their interests, hobbies and likes and dislikes may be the same, they would like to tie the

knot, so that they could continue to live together forever.

There are, for purposes of this discourse five extremely influential behavioral attributes that help in

attracting women and presupposes men must develop if they are to be seen to be the conqueror of

even the most beautiful and impossible to get woman out there. These five attributes must be

developed and possessed in huge quantities if success is to be achieved in a mans quest to become

the knight in the shining armor that most women dream men to become the eventual suitor.

2.0 Five ways to hold a conversation.

Despite the changes in modern society the burden still lies with the man to make the first move and

step up to the plate (Alcock 1998). A Man who is able to hold a descent conversation with a woman

happens to be one of the most exciting men that a woman wants to be with. Women like men who

can hold a conversation because women like listening to a man talking as they dream about what to

do with him when he is done. This is the greatest secret that has been missed by most men who lose

women because of their poor ability to keep talking. Below are some tips on why it is important to

be a man who can hold a conversation instead of being a grumpy man full of self-indulgence and

poor outlook to life. The more a man talks, the more likely a woman gets attracted to him.

If you cant keep a conversation going, you cant be a man that has a way with women. The good

news is: with consistent effort and practice, one can master this skill. Dont worry if you dont have

a natural gift of gab. With consistent effort and practice over time, one can get better results with

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women than most silver-tongued friends. Conversation skills are vital for building relationships.

Thats because developing a core foundation of skills for any situation one encounter starts with

ability to hold a conversation. Women like a confident man and holding and keeping a conversation

going instills a sense of confidence and makes a woman get really proud of a man (Bleske & Buss

2000). Most guys who talk a lot in front of girls tend to attract the most beautiful women around

because women enjoy listening to a man even when they are aware he is just making things up as he

goes along.

The secret is really simple. Psychologists believe that if you have multiple ways to sustain a

conversation, it creates more curiosity in the mind of a woman. Shell be thinking to herself: I

wonder what hes going to say next? This keeps her guessing, and wards off the biggest enemy and

attraction-killer for a woman: Boredom. You may not be The Most Interesting Man in the World

from the Dos Equis commercials, but youll be a lot more interesting than most guys who dont

practice these conversation keys. Boredom is the greatest killer of affection in a woman. When a

woman gets bored, she switches off and gets distracted and will soon start looking around for that

interesting man out there who all the girls have gathered around and are listening to. It is really not

that difficult to learn the art of conversation. Lets get started, and here are the top 5 ways to keep a

conversation going:

2.1 Ask genuine, non-threatening questions

Most women are wary of inquisitive games, tactics or weird language from guys because most

women are very protective of their private lives. If you try any of these tricks and they arent

congruent with your personality, at the best youre probably off to a bad start and at the worst, shes

mentally blown you off. The best way to set yourself apart from other guys is to ask authentic

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questions without an agenda or hidden motive. Be natural and exhibit truth and a genuine concern

about her. It is important to genuinely want to know about her without having a hidden agenda as

you ask your questions. A woman needs to trust and feel safe around you before shes willing to

spend more time in a conversation. Real cool guys dont rely on canned lines, they have the

confidence to express genuine opinions and questions.

When a woman feels a man actually cares about her, she is willing to engage in a conversation and

will soon be feeding from your palm as you talk naturally and genuinely about her and the things

that matter to her. Most women bottle up a lot emotions and when they find a man who is willing

and genuinely wants to hear from them, no matter how simple they sound makes the woman get

really attracted to the man.

2.2 Observe and be perceptive

Men that are perceptive and are completely aware of what is happening around them easily catch on

easily with what is happening in a woman when initiating conversation. When a man gets in the

habit of paying attention to his surroundings, people, places and things, he will almost never run out

of things to say when he is chatting up a woman. Its a rare man who actually does this, and its

a very attractive trait to women. Just make sure whatever you say is accurate and genuine, and you

dont have an agenda behind it.

Women have built-in, finely-tuned intuition that is able to detect ulterior motives to why a man

would ask specific question., and if she feels a man is not being truthful with her (or he is saying

something just to get her into bed) then it is game over, and the man is wasting his time as she just

waits for time to excuse herself and the poor man is left wondering why she needed to go to the

powder room when she had just come from there!

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Women will always be polite enough to indicate the end of the conversation and time to move on by

making the most absurd excuses like she is expecting a cell phone call any time and as such she

needs to go to a quitter place. Most men at this time know that the time to migrate is upon them.

2.3 Dont let her see you sweat, keep it light

My father once told me that women like a guy who looks like he knows what he wants to do next.

Women have a ninth sense to let the man lead and they enjoy listening to a man who looks like he

has endless plans on what he wants to do next rather than a man who seems to be at a loss of what

to say next. Paradoxically, most women spend a lot of time worrying about so many number of

topics. A guy who can keep a womans mind off the worries of the world is someone she will want

to spend more time with. Adding an occasional dose of good humor to show you are in control makes

a woman to relax. One a man has a woman giggling and laughing, she relaxes and is able to stay

hooked to a conversation than when she starts pondering what you are going to do next.

A woman will follow a mans natural social lead, based on how the man come across and make her

feel. Women like being around guys who make them feel safe and secure and men need to stay calm,

cool and relaxed when they talk their way into a womans heart naturally. Giving the impression that

one is actually even controlling the weather makes women get hooked to such a man! It is uncanny

that when a woman is frightened, she will normally call on the man she feels safe with to just talk

and this is a good sign that the woman is attracted to the man. Women share their fears with a man

they feel they can entrust their lives and ultimately their hearts to.

2.4 Be an active listener

Holding a conversation is actually a two-way skill. Some women would like to chip in and drop an

occasional word or two and it is important that that opportunity is granted naturally. One of the best

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ways to keep a conversation going isnt by being the smoothest talker, or monopolizing the entire

conversation; Sometimes being the best listener would actually make the conversation the more

interesting as it also provides time for the man to plan ahead of what to discuss next.

Sensitivity to whatever the woman raises is key to what the man should say next. It is rich to make

a woman think, He is actually listening to me. This may not come easily or naturally to a man at

first, especially if the man is an extrovert, or is naturally nervous in social situations. Even if the man

has to bite his tongue waiting for the woman to finish her thought or ideas, the man must wait.

Women like men who let them talk, and women will respect and appreciate the man even more.

When a man practice being an active listener, he will naturally become more relaxed in all social

situations resulting in him expressing a sense of control and confidence. Women like a confident

man in any situation than a man who exhibits nervousness and insecurity around them.

2.5 Dont drift away from the present.

Most men have a racing mind. It is normal for a man to be thinking into the future and planning the

next move to a point that the woman concludes that the man cant wait for her to finish talking. It

can indicate that the man finds what the woman is talking about uninteresting, boring and not

important. This is the greatest turnoff for a woman when she thinks the man is not interested in what

she has to say in a conversation. Men think about a lot of things at the same time: The idiot that cut

us off in traffic, what time tonights game start, or what band is playing this weekend and fail to

focus on the women or situation right in front of the man.

Men tend to be up in their head, or nervous, thinking about what has or might happen next or what

an attractive woman might think of them. This mental chatter prevents men from being truly focused

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on the woman or conversation at hand. For women its called being present, and its absolutely

huge for the woman to have a man whose mind is focused on the present conversation.

That is why it is important for a man to be totally engrossed in the current conversation rather than

jumping around like a kangaroo when making conversation. It is important for the man to be making

conversation in the present situation. A female friend of mine said: Being present is

EVERYTHING. This means men being truly engaged in a conversation, contributing and giving

genuine feedback. That means men should stop nodding unnecessarily like a bobble head doll, or

mindlessly saying uh-huh or yeah every so often. Women arent fooled at stupid sounds

frequency that men make in conversations.

Dont turn a woman off by making unwarranted conversation sounds that mean nothing. Like

anything, men need to put in time and effort to develop this skill of making conversation by being

present and this has a huge payoff in better business and personal relationships with any woman.

Once this skill is developed, men can attract any woman out their looking for someone who listens.

Conversation is just one of the skills needed to be a hit with women. A man who try to learn these

skills and attitudes , are in in for a long, ego-building journey because they are bound to attract

even the most reserved and above their class woman.

3.0 Five ways to keep a woman intensely hooked.

There are things that a man must do to keep a woman hooked without breaking the bank. Most men

have all been in a situation they have seen a woman pass them on the street and catches their eye

and intrigues them to the point of entrancement. It is extremely difficult for a man to make that first

step to make their feelings or intentions known whiteout messing up the first attempt? When the

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first attempt fails, the chances are that the woman will not be available for future attempts in most

cases. So how does a man step out of his comfort zone and approach such a woman, right there on

the street, a club, a church, on the bus or in the work place and completely out of the blue? Its not

something that many men would even consider doing, but it can be incredibly romantic and can save

men from missing what could be the opportunity of a life time. There are tricks to catch a womans

eye for the first time and even more important to make sure she notices the man so as to engage in

the conversation already discussed that will make the situation romantic instead of awkward.

3.1 Eye contact is a killer for women

Most womens romantic births commence with eye contact. Nearly every research, book, list or

website a man will ever read about how men can connect better with women will always mention

eye contact. If a man notices a woman he finds attractive, even on the street the man must initiate,

or make eye contact as soon as possible. The man must deliberately keep his eyes locked into her

eyes and not shift uncomfortably but have insistence to communicate and make sure that the woman

knows that it wasnt just chance that their eyes met. Once eye contact has been initiated, the man

must make sure the woman knows that communication and contact is being sought and that the man

is trying to get her attention. Dont do something stupid like waving or foolishly grinning or nodding

like lizard to attract attention. Most times women get the message just with eye contact.

3.2 Use your voice romantically with assurance

If a man has an opportunity to speak to the woman, make sure the ends of the sentences arent getting

lost in the noisy bustle around you. It is important that the speech is deliberate and emphatic for the

woman not to mistake who the man is addressing. A clear and confident voice of pure enticement is

vital as it instills a sense of assurance that the woman is not mistaking the intentions already detected

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in the eye contact episode. The voice makes womens hearts to race speedily with anticipation if a

man is direct and deliberate in making the intentions obvious. This is particular important if shes a

distance away and not near enough to hear the talking at a normal volume. The man must stay calm

and keep his words simple so she can understand and digest the message romantically.

3.3 Dont follow or stalk a woman.

Women do not like men who are forceful and seeming needy and desperate. It is important that a

man makes the woman become an equal in the art or commencing the romantic journey rather than

making her feel like she is being hunted. It is important that the woman is not rushed into something

she might not be sure of. Following a woman around or attempting to rush her displays neediness

and might scare her. Instead, the man must hold his ground and make sure she has time to digest the

mans intentions and have enough time to process and understand what she could have seen in the

eye contact and heard in the voice. Women like being sure of the mans intentions for fear of

embarrassing themselves in case of having misunderstood the man. The most important first step is

to compliment the woman so shell have a reason to slow down and engage the man. Once a woman

accepts the compliment and smiles, the bait is swallowed and the seduction can commence.

3.4 Learn how to use hands romantically

Incorporating hand gestures into the conversation will not only help the woman follow the

conversation but will also make start imagining what else the hands are capable of doing. If the

woman is distracted or both the man and the woman are somewhere busy, hand gestures will keep

the womans attention on the man. It is important for the man to use his hands to direct her eyes

focused the man. A man using his hands will also display confidence. The man should never keep

his hands keep them in his pockets with the shoulders slouched. Positive hand gestures indicate

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intent and pure control of the circumstances of creating a romantic start.

3.5 Smile is the best medicine for romance

There is nothing as welcoming and nonthreatening as a smile. This shows the woman how excited a

man is by seeing her but also maintains a calm that assures the woman that he means no harm. A

reassuring smile makes a woman weak in the knees. Just smile. It is important that the man express

his excitement and attraction to her with his grin. It will calm her down, welcome her to him and

engage her in conversation immediately she responds. The man must never chase after the woman;

he must use eye contact and should be bold enough to convince her to know when and that she has

attracted the man. Women enjoy knowing that she has made an impact on a man. From there, the

man should know what to do. The man must then begin to Flirt, compliment, engage. It is important

to make her so intrigued that she wants to know more about the man.

The man must never get too casual too quick. The trick is getting her attention and then letting her

know how honorable and honest your intentions are. The man must never make the woman think he

is used to this kind of behavior because she might think of the man as a player and a Casanova who

has no respect for women and honesty and natural as it is key to creating immediate trust and respect.

3.0 Five Ways to Get that First Kiss

Men and women alike have plenty of horror stories to tell about their very first kiss. By the time

most men reach the dating scene, though, they are well past the initial awkwardness of two peoples

lips touching, the main worries that men have are what her reaction would be and if its the right

moment. Men need to trust their gut. It is important to be aware of her body language and analyze

their own desires. Chances are, men will know exactly when to kiss her. Now heres how to do it:

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3.1 Man up

Weak men shuffle their feet and naturally avoid eye contact before darting in for a surprise kiss.

Real men look into a womans eyes, knows she wants him as much as he wants her, and takes that

little risk to lean in and kiss her on the lips. Man up. Women dont want weak men, too timid and

unsure to get what they want. Women want real daring men who come across as ready to dominate.

3.2 Watch her eyes

Real men are observant. They look out for womens obvious signs of being interested. One of the

telltale signs of a woman waiting to be kissed is if she is glancing from the mans eyes to their lips.

The moment a woman realizes she wants to kiss a man, she becomes fascinated with his lips and

entranced by his eyes. Her eyes will dart from each of your eyes to your lips and back again, in a

triangular shape. Watch for the signs. You will always know when the time is ripe.

3.3 Hold her hand

It is important to realize that Kissing is a very intimate form of touch. To ease that first contact, the

man must make sure he has touched her hand or shoulder sometime before or during conversation

or flirtation. If the man has not touched her hand, shoulder or any intimate body part as yet, its

important to take her hand before looking up into her eyes.

Men dont need to do anything special with that hand; just holding it softly, and then looking her in

the eye. Youll be able to tell if she wants it. At this point, the woman would indicate if she wants it

by letting her hand rest in the mans grip. If the woman withdrawals her hand, slow down and let go,

she is not ready.

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3.4 Start with a cheek kiss

It is important that things are not rushed. If cuddling and closeness has preceded the kissing moment,

placing a kiss on her cheek or temple is a good way to ease into the more intimate mouth kiss.

Because a kiss on the cheek is seen as a casual and adorable act, it will lighten the mood and help

her relax, too. Its a display of gentleness and will show her that you are into her specifically, not

just into what might happen later on. Women hate being taken for granted and being respected for

who she is very important to her. Gentle kiss on the cheek indicates tenderness.

3.5 Whisper in her ear.

Like kissing her on the cheek, a quiet whisper in a womans ear will tell her in a gentle, romantic

way that you want to kiss her more intimately. Men dont have to say anything particularly romantic

during the whisper; in fact, they dont actually have to say anything at all. Simple placing his mouth

close to her ear and breathing softly will, if shes into it, send shivers up her spine and make her

want that kiss as much as the man wants. Womens feelings have a seat in the ear. Test the theory.

The hurdle that stops most men from leaning in for that first taste of sweetness is the fear that once

rejected, they will be forever in the doghouse. For most women, though, this isnt how it works. If a

mans lips land on a womans cheek the first time they lean in to kiss her, it is just the first step for

her to allow the man to take it in its stride. The man must be sharp and sensitive to read her reaction.

Is she disgusted or just unsure for the moment? Often times, if a woman doesnt excuse herself right

then and there, she will be ready for the first kiss just a little while later (Clutton-Brock 1989). The

man must surely stick around, continue being gentle and loving, listening attentively and

accustoming her to being touched.

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Remember, always, that a kiss, while just the first step in what will hopefully be a very exciting

future, is a very intimate action that can bring about a lasting relationship of intimacy (Herz &

Inzlicht 2002). Be prepared to be patient as an evening of flirting and casual touching will help ease

the transition to suddenly touching lips, but it will always be a little nerve wracking at first. Isnt that

what makes it thrilling in the first place? Ease your lady into being touched by her, make sure she

knows you can and want to be gentle with her, and dont get scared away if shes not quite ready the

first time you lean in.

4.0 The five ways to tell if a Woman is attracted to you

People say it is easy to tell when you are attracted to someone: the quickened heartbeat, the bodily

stirring, the sudden desire to talk, to touch, to know her. The crucial question and maze is how can

you tell if she likes you back? Some women are teases and like to lead men on. Some women are

simply flirtatious and like to joke around with a lot of guys, regardless of whether they are attracted

to or interested in them. Those are not very important as they are common and rarely serious.

All this makes it hard for a man to figure out if the woman he has his eye on is checking him out,

too. Most men have embarrassed themselves when the woman has suddenly stopped them by saying,

Sorry, I think you have misunderstood me, I was just being friendly! This can cause problems in

inter-personal interactions and most men need to read the signs well before embarking on getting

too carried away. If youve ever thought of women as an entirely different species, heres a little

field guide to help you determine whether shes interested in you or not:

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4.1 Does the woman like touching you involuntarily?

Female friends touch each other often in conversation. Male friends, too, touch each other, sharing

a pat on the back or high five now and then. In contrast, male/female friends rarely touch each other.

With this in mind, if the woman you have your eye on gets physically affectionate towards you

whether mussing up your hair or touching your hand lightly to draw your attention to something, it

is a sure way of indicating she would not mind you reciprocating similar physical contact. This

breach in male/female friendship behavior is a sign she is interested in more than just friendship and

if observed for a while, it can be a sure indicator of future happy days.

4.2 Pupil Dilation

This one is entirely biological and can be backed up by science. According to Bleske & Buss (2000)

one of the first symptoms of attraction and arousal is dilated pupils. If you notice her pupils grow

when she sees you or when you are flirting, take it as a sign shes interested. Most women have little

control of their facial responses when they see someone they are interested in. Darting eyes and

flirting with eye contact with you is a sure sign of interest and when a woman lights up when she

sees you indicates that she has been spending time thinking about you. A bright look in her face,

mostly with her dilated pupils indicates sure desire to get closer to you. Dont miss this sign as it is

a good affection indicator.

4.3 Does the woman like Leaning into you when you are near her?

Women are protective of their space and any invasion of that space is usually attended to

immediately. The way a woman interacts with you is full of clues to her level of attraction. Leaning

towards you or against you is a good sign. With leaning, Landolt et al (1995) observed, a woman

can initiate closeness and physical contact without making a blunt move.

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One of these times when she is leaning towards you, just slip your arm around her shoulders and you

will be surprised that the woman will hunch and appreciate your gesture. Most women enjoy the odd

cuddle or shoulder hugging from a man they are interested in as Gangestad & Simpson 2000) put it.

It is directly related to how much the woman wants to get your body contact to progress. Most

women who allow their shoulders to be cuddled end up having their heart cuddled soon after.

Shoulder cuddling is indicative of the protection the woman sees in the mans presence.

4.4 Does the woman enjoy you Buying her Drinks or gifts?

Buying a lady a drink is the quintessential way a male expresses his interest in a woman. Now and

then, a woman will take this practice into her own hands but turn the tables on you. While its counter

to tradition, the implication is still the same: Shes got her eye on you. A woman who accepts gifts

from you, which is a sign from you to her that you are interested in her, is surely telling you that she

is attracted to you. This makes the work a lot easier if she reciprocates and gladly start making it a

habit in your friendship. Most women enjoy this period as it leads to the fifth sign below:

4.5 Does the woman enjoying Seeking Attention from you?

Women are generally attention seekers but put simply, a woman who is interested in you will want

the mans attention. Few women will try to get a mans attention obnoxiously, so look for subtlety.

Men must not underestimate the shyness some women might have, though. If a woman isnt

reciprocating but simply staying neutral, Men must not take it as a negative sign. Consider it for

what it is: neutral. Keep at it until you either see a negative sign, in which case you know she is not

interested, or a positive sign, in which case youll know exactly what to do.

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Most women will repeatedly show that they want attention though tears, seeking advice, making

unsubstantiated requests, and on many occasions seeking isolated interactions through opportunities

that look natural at first. Women will always seek opportunities to be with the man they are attracted

to without holding back and the frequency increases with desperation.

5.0 The five Ways Men Kill Attraction

Just as important as knowing what to do in flirting and dating situations is knowing what not to do.

You can follow every piece of good advice you get about how to act around women, but if you just

add those to your repertoire and dont weed out things that are dragging you down, youre not going

to see much success.

5.1 Dont talk in depth about past relationships

Mentioning your ex is okay if its applicable to the conversation but avoid getting into the past

relationship conversation at all. Stay present! Do you want to hear about all her past lovers?! That

can cause unnecessary tension especially if the lady is still recovering from her ex. As wisdom says,

most women forever want to know that the man has forgotten about his ex and is now thinking about

her in the present and not necessarily comparing her to the past awesome relationships he had. If

the woman is honest, she hates the mans ex!

5.2 Dont avoid eye contact

Eye contact is the way humans connect. By avoiding eye contact, you are giving up one of the oldest

signs of confidence and even dominance. This is primal stuff evolutionary even. Looking her in

the eye when you ask her questions and when she responds shows her that you are confident in

yourself, that youre truly interested in her and that you are a big enough man to engage emotionally.

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Most women will normally get lost in your eyes and attempting to meet your gaze makes the woman

feel dominated and desired. It is the nature of woman to want to be dominated emotionally. The man

who controls the battle of the eyes and wins controls the heart of the woman goes the saying.

5.3 Dont keep your hands to yourself

Groping is the fastest way to lose a woman. Keeping your hands completely tacked away is yet

another way of showing lack of interest in a woman. Women enjoy knowing that a man cannot keep

his hands to himself because she is so attractive and cannot help but want to touch her! While were

taught that touching other people should only be done in intimate settings, friendly touch is a great

way to portray confidence and connect with your prospective date (Gangestad & Simpson 2000).

Keep it nice and platonic; rest assured that if you play it right, youll get to the romantic touching

later. Shake her hand when you greet her. Touch her on the arm to point something out. Tap her on

the shoulder to emphasis a punch line or a compliment. Sometimes a casual touch on the back of her

waist to guide her when getting through a doorway or into a lift can indicate you are protective and

want ownership of her body.

5.4 Dont devalue yourself

Most men who never get the woman they want are self-defeatists because they assume they are not

good enough for the woman. If you go into the situation believing that the woman is too good for

you, youve already lost the game. No matter how much you swagger, shell be able to sense that

you are unsure of yourself and lack confidence. Women do not like wimps and they will simply

politely maneuver their way away from such a man.

Best advice is that If you cant even summon up the confidence and self-worth to approach an

attractive woman to ask her on a date, you need to be working on your self-image, learning to

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appreciate and value who you are, and taking a break from the dating scene and leave it to men who

think they can play the game.

5.5 Dont ignore her body language and reactions

Barreling forward with your carefully planned flirtation strategy might make you feel truly prepared

for once, but youll fail for one simple reason: Attraction is about both you AND her. If you try one

technique and it falls flat, dont just reach into your toolbox and try something else. Note her reaction

to your first attempt. What went wrong? Did she pull away? Did she give you a look? Determine

whether you came on too strong or didnt portray enough confidence, or if you have offended her or

simply not piqued her interest.

Most women will show a man where they stand just at the mans first attempt to get close. Most men

who never get into situations that are embarrassing will normally notice that the woman is not

interested just at the first attempt (Herz & Inzlicht 2002). Intuitively, a woman knows if the man is

coming onto her and she involuntarily responds accordingly. Men that are careful and considerate

are able to read the signs and steer away before they are turned down unceremoniously.

So, remember, no matter how many tricks and techniques you learn, if you arent present in the

moment, observing and connecting with her, you arent going to have any luck. Men who have a

long history of failed flirtations sometimes grab onto what they believe will be miracle fixes. This

list of things to avoid doing will guide you in the right direction, but if you arent relaxed and gauging

her body language and the way she is reacting to your come-ons, youre going to go home alone

tonight. No woman wants a man who is so caught up in himself and his own plans that he forgets to

engage in the moment he is sharing with her.

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6.0 Five remedies to being a failure in the romance area.

Its natural for even the most confident man to be intimidated by approaching a woman they find

attractive. In fact, the very fact that they intimidate probably has something to do with your attraction

to them. Here are five simple ways to overcome the common fear that cripples many men on the

dating scene. As Kenrick et al (1993) have mentioned, it takes practice, but achieving the confidence

to approach a woman with a swagger and ask her out is something all men are capable of if they put

their mind to it. How many chances with a beautiful woman have already passed you by because

you were either too afraid to approach her or were waiting for her to approach you? Too many,

regardless of the number. If youre a man who plays the suave card and makes a point of presenting

a detached, aloof air, youll know all too well that your technique most often requires women to

approach you instead of the other way around. To maintain your hip posture and still get dates, just

make yourself known among everyone at the party or bar that you are at. Its as simple as that. Once

you are no longer socially mysterious, women can approach you with confidence.

6.1 Dress well to be noticed

All the running around and greeting and socializing in the world wont get you truly noticed if your

appearance blends in. You want everyone to notice you and you want everyone to recognize you

easily. Dont go overboard: stay within your comfort zone fashion-wise and pick an outfit that suits

and communicates your personality. Play up your good features. Maybe dress a little more formally

than everyone else will be dressed so you look sexy and stand out from the pack just a little.

The most important thing you will need to become the life of the party is confidence in the spotlight.

Whether you need a few practice runs to get into your groove or a few shots to set you on fire, once

you are on you need to be under the spot light.

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Done right, with confidence, swagger and friendliness, every woman in the room will want you.

Then, of course, all you have to do is take your pick.

Play the game: Once you have gotten the attention of women in the room, flirt to build tension and

make them want you more. Keep up your rounds and your gregarious personality, making sure to

send a few favors when you have them to the particular woman you are interested in. If theres not

one woman in particular, dont sweat it. Youve got the social sway to keep a few women going.

Enjoy your brief celebrity status as the go-to guy for curious partiers and the next big thing for all

the single ladies

6.2 Be Likeable and approachable

Being gregarious can be obnoxious if not done correctly. Make sure you are proceeding with respect

for each party you encounter and that your aim is to make sure you and everyone else is having a

good time. If you arrive early in the evening, build up a rapport with the staff. Later on, theyll

remember your friendliness and the favors they toss you will be appreciated by all the patrons and

attributed to your social prowess. Be nice.

6.3 Get out and about

In general, one of the best ways to overcome shyness is simply getting out of the house and out of

your regular routine and into the world where you will undoubtedly meet and talk to new people.

Volunteering is a good way to do this, in fact. Whether you choose a food bank or an animal shelter,

you will be meeting and talking with new people every day. Some of them will be women and some

of these women you will be attracted to (Thibaut & Kelley 1959). The entire set up is perfect for

easing yourself into approaching women with new found confidence. Be where the action is instead

of hiding away.

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6.4 Talking for the sake of talking

What intimidates men about approaching women is not the actual encounter the greeting, the hello,

the conversation but the expected outcome or the unspoken assumptions about that outcome. Its

the risk, basically. By practicing approaching people with the intention of just chatting, with no

strings attached and no assumptions about how the conversation will proceed, you can build your

confidence for more stressful situations.

6.5 Be on the move

Lastly, looking like youve got some place to be will help you move around the room and meet all

who have arrived. Act as though you are hosting a party: there is always something to be checked

on, somewhere to be, someone to greet. Pawlowski & Dunbar (1999) explained that a casual greeting

or a flirtatious joke with everyone you meet will make you well known throughout the room and

easier to approach. Look busy and sharp all the time looking around for something to do. Remember

that your goal is to be well known throughout the vicinity, regardless of whether there are groups or

people who you usually wouldnt talk to or would even actively avoid. Talk to anyone and everyone.

While you might think the lady in the red dress is snooty and will never even notice you, if you are

gregarious it is likely she will find you equally attractive and yet unapproachable. The key here is to

demonstrate that while you are friendly, boisterous and hot, you arent elitist or snobby. Look too

cool for school but make sure you include everyone in your rounds so that the women you have your

eye on feels you are approachable.

7.0 Conclusion and possibly epilogue

Lets now see the conclusion and possibly the final closing words of a father to a son: Society sees

women as riding a constant emotional roller coaster. Men are afraid of women they see with this sort

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of inconsistency, but what they dont realize is that some women portray themselves as more flighty

than they really are. Why, you ask? To see how you, their prospective date, reacts. If you can put up

with her exaggerating her fluctuating opinions and emotions, you can surely handle her in real life.

And thats the assurance she needs. Basically, its a test. Women are constantly putting men to a test

and most men just keep tripping and failing the litmus test.

Some women can be totally obnoxious by saying something like, Are you flirting with me? This

might cause embarrassment and sometimes cause a very poor response from some men that might

shut future hopes of ever starting something later. Few women are actually that rude, so just assume

shes testing you, teasing you, even. Purposefully take the statement as a come on or a challenge.

Respond with something like, So you want to get to know me, huh? Shell be surprised and maybe

taken aback at first, but ultimately she will be impressed by your smooth recovery and your

playfulness. Instead of taking offense to such a statement, take it for what it is: a little game. Respond

with a compliment and tell her you think shes cute or feisty. Again, shell be surprised and

impressed. Shell also be taken off guard so you can start flirting with her real self, not her testing

self. Women are indeed just as nervous as men are and turning a difficult awkward situation into a

playing field can bring about good results, especially if the woman ends up being pleased with the

mans smoothness. Women enjoy being courted by men. Another way to surprise her and turn the

conversation onto a more positive road is to simply make the comment playful by playing along. I

could ask you the same! meets her at her level of intensity and acknowledges her reluctance to

engage you but turns the confrontation into something fun. It is fun to have fun. Enjoy the game.

Nearly every book, list or website you read about how men can connect better with women will

mention eye contact. It is the best tactic and all the love gurus are right. With the pretty lady you see

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on the street, make eye contact as soon as possible. Keep your eyes locked, too, so she knows that it

wasnt just chance that your eyes met.

Never rush or pine or chase after a woman to a point she starts getting irritated. This displays

neediness and might scare her. Instead, hold your ground and make her suggest the next move. There

is nothing as welcoming and nonthreatening as a smile. You want to show her how excited you are

by seeing her but also maintain a calm that assures her that you arent a nutcase. Just smile. Express

your excitement and attraction to her with your grin. It will calm her down, welcome her to you, and

engage her in conversation. Women like men who have a captivating smile that is meaningless and

just purely friendly and it is good to keep the woman guessing what your smile means.

While its true that confidence is something women find sexy, it takes more than boasting and flirting

to portray that you are comfortable in yourself. Body language is key. You want to show your

prospective date that you feel good in your own skin and feel in control of the situation. Humans

communicate primarily through body language; your words will mean next to nothing if you present

yourself in an alluring way. But remember: Women can often tell if you are actually confident in

yourself or just faking. Work on your self-esteem and approach women with an air of ease for best

results. Never make a woman feel you are boisterous for nothing.

Society tells us that a man should be solemn and serious, a grounding, powerful force, but women

want someone they can connect with. It is important that before asking a woman out, gauge her

energy levels and the general atmosphere of the people around her. A woman is going to want you

to meet her on her level: Be charming and attentive but always note her reactions so you can adjust

your approach. Make it hard for her to turn you down by engaging her and showing her that you can

understand her body language and meet her needs and wants.

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