1. Give Me FiveEncouraging Apprentice Writers to Create Richly Detailed Text
Presented by Valerie Allen

2. Generations Y and Z Approach Literacy Differently

More condensed

-Twitter, 140 character limit

Fewer details

3. IM acronyms and NET lingo 4. Less attention to grammatical and spelling rote
memorization
-grammar and spell check

Multitaskingthe norm,

while interacting with media
CNN approach
5. Kids Write Like They Are Watching TV
Bronwyn T. Williams offers a useful distinction between visual and print literacies in his book Tuned In.
He discusses students' knowledge of televisual authorship against their own emerging sense of being an author, a topic that often gets blurred in our thinking about television's influence.
Students, he finds, do not feel confident about writing television scripts (writing) , only receiving the programs (viewing).
Likewise, he distinguishes between writing/or and writing like television.
Undoubtedly, many writing teachers will recognize these characteristics in student writing-"impersonal detachment, as if through a camera lens" (114) and lack of details as if "readers are watching the program with them" (117).
Jimmy Jet andHis TV Set Shel Silverstein
Tuned In: Television and the Teaching of Writing by Bronwyn T. Williams.
Portsmouth: Heinemann-Boynton/Cook, 2002.
6. We need to prepare students to be successful writers rather than remediating them after they have failed.
Smith and Wilhelm
Getting It Right(2007)
Getting It Right: Fresh Approaches to Teaching Grammar, Usage, and Correctness by Michael W. Smith& Jeffery D. Wilhelm
New York: Scholastic 2007.
7. The Problems I Have With My
Middle and High School Students Writing
It is deflated,
lacking rich detail.
8. They are distracted,
lacking patience in craft
9. Look at this picture
What is going on in this painting?
How would our k-5 students describe this?
6-12?
Vincent van Gogh's - The Large Plane Trees
Cleveland Museum of Art
10. Student writing is often missing something
11. How do we encourage students to include the experience the textures, scents, sounds, and tastes along with the visual?
12. Beginning lessons in detailed writing
13. Abstract vs. Concrete NounsClass Generated Webs from Prior Knowledge
14. Models of writing using Abstract and Concrete Nouns
Abstract Nouns
Concrete Nouns
Every beautiful square inch of candy-apple red paint shone in the bright morning sun. Erin caressed its smooth lines with her eyes from the finger print-smeared school bus window. From the thin red racing stripes running from bumper to shining bumper, to the lightly tinted windows, to the low-profile tires, this racing machine took her breath away. At school, she could think of nothing else--algebra, English, even parenting just floated by. At lunch, she couldn't eat. "Probably best," she thought, pushing the plate of mystery meat and rubbery vegetables from her. "My life is worth nothing until I have those car keys in my hand," Erin muttered.
15. Give Me Five: Include the senses in writing
Studying the elements of craft that make writing effective will help us all write better. (63)
Penny Kittle
Write Beside Them
2008
16. - from
The Love Song ofJ. Alfred Prufrock
T.S. Eliot
Mentor Text: High School
The yellow fog that rubs its back upon the window-panes,
The yellow smoke that rubs its muzzle on the window-panes
Licked its tongue into the corners of the evening,
Lingered upon the pools that stand in drains,
Let fall upon its back the soot that falls from chimneys,
Slipped by the terrace, made a sudden leap,
And seeing that it was a soft October night,
Curled once about the house, and fell asleep.

17. Mentor Text: Middle and High School
...The air of morning was so clear that the snow still crowning the Eighteen Peaks burned with white-gold fire across the miles of sunlit air, under the dark blue of the sky. There was just enough wind to make the banners that marked the racecourse snap and flutter now and then. In the silence of the broad green meadows one could hear the music winding throughout the city streets, farther and nearer and ever approaching, a cheerful faint sweetness of the air from time to time trembled and gathered together and broke out into the great joyous clanging of the bells.
The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas
by
Ursula K LeGuin
18. Mentor Text: Model of 2nd graders Descriptive Writing
Winter Words
I see the snow glittering in the sky.I have goosebumps going down my spine.The beautiful smell of candlesburning all night,the new smell of winter shining bright,snow is on the ground.The magnificent winter in my hand.Icy lakes cracked by too much pressure,the glorious sight of winter.
Borrowed from Write Source Website ( Teacher Submitted Student Paper
http://www.thewritesource.com/studentmodels/wa-winterpoem.htm
19. From Hs Hickory Chips
I look at the old tin building; it seems to have been there since the beginning of time. Its strong posts and nonchalant slouch make me wonder if it will be rooted in the same place forever. As soon as I walk in, the strong, rustic smell of hickory wood assails me. It takes me back to my familys last Fourth of July barbeque, when the hickory chips smoking the ribs gave off their thick aroma. I wait for my eyes to adjust in the dark, humid place, not taking a step until they do because of the ageless spider that could have made its home in my path. My tongue already asks for a drink of water as I breathe the musty air littered with sawdust. Spraying on sticky repellent, I wonder if the thirsty mosquitoes will stay away.
Mentor Text:
Model of
11thgraders
Descriptive Writing
Borrowed from Write Source Website ( Teacher Submitted Student Paper http://www.thewritesource.com/studentmodels/wwi-hickory.htm
20. Activity #2:The Boring Paragraph Activity
21. Read the following paragraph
"The two people left their house and began to make their way down the street. The weather was just as they had expected it would be, and they were dressed appropriately. As they turned the corner to walk along the riverbank, they commented on the small boat that was sailing just ahead of them. It was occupied by a man with a hat on, who was accompanied by a small dog. The traffic rushed by on their left and the boat sailed onwards on their right. As they progressed in the direction of the bridge, they wished they too could be carried along in a car or a boat. Instead they were forced to direct their feet toward their current destination."
Spend a minute or two using the Five Senses - Graphic Organizer with your partner
writing down what details could be added to make this a better paragraph.
22. Rewrite the paragraph, replacing or adding ANY words you want , as long as you maintain the sense of the paragraph.
(So, for instance, you can't have the two main characters fly away at the end. That would be changing it too much--)
"The two people left their house and began to make their way down the street. The weather was just as they had expected it would be, and they were dressed appropriately. As they turned the corner to walk along the riverbank, they commented on the small boat that was sailing just ahead of them. It was occupied by a man with a hat on, who was accompanied by a small dog. The traffic rushed by on their left and the boat sailed onwards on their right. As they progressed in the direction of the bridge, they wished they too could be carried along in a car or a boat. Instead they were forced to direct their feet toward their current destination."
23. Have Them Start With Brainstorming
The brainstorming example just used is the kind of work that Smith and Wilhelm recommended using with kids before they write. (27)
They also suggested that it makes sense to provide assistance before they attempt a new task in ways that will be generative(28)
Smith and Wilhelm
Getting It Right(2007)
24. Activity #3:The Window Activity
25. LISTEN
26. Imagine.
You are in a dark room.
A closed window with the blinds shut is the only thing present in the room.
27. The blinds rise up as you step up to the closed window.
Pressing your face to the thick glass you witness events
28. Describe what you see using many details
If you get stuck, write the word marketover and over until you think of the next thing to write. Do not lift your pen and do not stop writing.
29. Now, the window opens allowing sounds to filter in.
A breeze carries smells, and perhaps taste and texture to you
30. Describe the scene using senses other than sight (sound, smell, taste, touch)
Pause, reflect about this in your mind, then write.
31. Suddenly, you find yourself moving through the window and into the scene itself.
Choose a role and describe the emotions or feelings of the event.
You must write in narrative format.
32. You enter through the window.Describe yourself as a participant.
Feel free to use The Five Senses -Graphic Organizer to help you brainstorm.
33. Reflection:What has been your experience?
Take a moment and reflect on your writing

How are your writing selections different?

34. Which one do you think is the better piece? 35. How did the inclusion of other senses enrich your writing?