WILTON FRIENDS

MEETING

HANDBOOK

Wilton Monthly Meeting

317 New Canaan Road

Wilton, Connecticut 06897

203-762-5669

www.wiltonfriends.org

Approved

Dec. 13, 2015

i

Table of Contents

Preface ................................................................................................ 1

Handbook Organization ...................................................................... 2

Process for Revision ............................................................................ 3

Historical Statement ........................................................................... 4

History of Quakerism .................................................................. 4

History of Wilton Friends Meeting ............................................. 4

History of Peace Activism at Wilton Friends Meeting ................ 6

History of Education at Wilton Friends Meeting ........................ 6

Monthly Meeting for Worship with a Concern for Business .............. 8

Meeting Officers ............................................................................... 10

Clerk (Co-and/or Assistant) .......................................................... 11

Recording Clerk ............................................................................. 12

Recorder ....................................................................................... 13

Treasurer ...................................................................................... 15

Assistant Treasurer ....................................................................... 16

Standing Committees ....................................................................... 17

Advancement and Outreach ......................................................... 19

Connecticut Friends School Board of Directors ............................ 20

Finance.......................................................................................... 22

First Day School ............................................................................ 24

Hospitality (under Physical Stewardship Committee) .................. 25

House and Grounds (under Physical Stewardship) ...................... 26

Library Committee (under Physical Stewardship) ........................ 27

Long Range Planning..................................................................... 28

ii

Ministry and Oversight ................................................................. 29

Nominating ................................................................................... 31

Naming ......................................................................................... 32

Peace and Service ........................................................................ 33

Physical Stewardship .................................................................... 35

Yearly Meeting Representatives, Purchase Quarter Representatives,

and Others ....................................................................................... 36

Membership ..................................................................................... 38

Appendix (Forms) ............................................................................. 44

MONTHLY MEETING MEMBERSHIP RECORD ........................... 45

CERTIFICATE OF TRANSFER ...................................................... 47

INFORMATION AND INSTRUCTIONS ON FINAL AFFAIRS.......... 48

1

Preface

To the reader:

“Dearly beloved Friends, these things we do not lay upon you as a

rule or form to walk by, but that all, with the measure of light which

is pure and holy, may be guided: and so in the light walking and

abiding, these may be fulfilled in the Spirit, not from the letter, for

the letter killeth, but the Spirit giveth life.”

Postscript to an epistle to the ‘brethren in the north’

issued by a meeting of the elders at Balby, 1656.

“Tradition usually represents the judgment and testing of time and it

is well to evaluate thoroughly and carefully any radically new

departure.”

New York Yearly Meeting Faith and Practice

The purpose of this manual is to provide a basic foundation for the

good order of the Wilton Monthly Meeting of the Religious Society

of Friends by outlining the organizational structure of the Monthly

Meeting, its officers and committees and its relations to other

Friends’ and community bodies. The Faith and Practice (2015) of

the New York Yearly Meeting serves as a guide for Discipline for

this Monthly Meeting. It also informs F/friends about committee

responsibilities that they need to fulfill once they join that

committee.

2

Handbook Organization

This handbook is comprised of three main sections:

1) An introduction, including 1) Process for Revision, Historical

Statement, and Monthly Meeting for Worship with a Concern

for Business;

1) Descriptions of Meeting positions, committees and

representatives;

2) Guidelines for Membership under the care of the Meeting;

3) Forms from New York Yearly Meeting’s “Faith and

Practice.”

3

Process for Revision

Ministry & Oversight Committee is responsible for maintaining the

handbook. Any officer or committee clerk may bring forward to

Ministry &Oversight a proposed revision to the Handbook. After

review and prayerful consideration, M&O will bring the proposed

revisions to Meeting for Worship with Concern for Business for

approval.

Each year that changes are approved, the revised Handbook should

go to the Recorder, who will publish the approved, revised

Handbook.

4

Historical Statement

History of Quakerism

Most worship groups of the Religious Society of Friends (often

called Quakers) are organized as monthly meetings. They are so

called because they meet for worship with a concern for business

once a month; their other gatherings for worship are normally held

each First Day (known to non-Quakers as Sunday.).

The Religious Society of Friends was founded by George Fox in

England in the mid-seventeenth century. He and other early Friends

were deeply grounded in the Christian tradition and the Bible. But

their chief emphasis was upon the Living Christ, a spirit believed by

them to be immediately present in all human beings and also called

the “Seed of God” or the “Inner Light.”

Quakerism by 1700 was widespread in the British Isles, though

Quakers were severely persecuted until 1688. Also they had come to

the American colonies, notably Pennsylvania, which was founded

1681 by the Quaker William Penn as a haven to Friends and other

persecuted religious groups. The movement went westward in

America along with the frontier. Now there are Friends’ meetings or

worship groups in all states in the United States, as well as in

Canada, Europe, Africa, Japan, Latin America and elsewhere.

History of Wilton Friends Meeting

Gatherings of persons interested in Friends were first held at the

home of Henry Fraad in Weston in 1938. Beginning Twelfth Month

7, 1941, meetings for worship after the manner of Friends were held

regularly, first at Henry Fraad’s and later at different places in

Norwalk, Westport and New Canaan. In Seventh Month, 1942, the

group became the Weston Preparative Meeting under the care of

Purchase Monthly Meeting. In Fifth Month, 1947, Purchase

Quarterly Meeting accepted the group as one of the constituent

monthly meetings under the name of Fairfield County Monthly

Meeting. Because other Friends’ meetings had arisen in Fairfield

County by 1957, the name was changed in that year to Wilton

Monthly Meeting.

5

Weston Preparative Meeting, July 1942, Henry Fraad’s home (Henry

Fraad is the tall gentleman in a white shirt to right of sign.)

In 1949 a gift by Gayer and Eleanor Dominick of five acres of land

in Wilton was gratefully accepted. On it the first section of the

present meeting house was completed in December, 1952. Another

section, including the present meeting room, was finished in 1954.

An extension of the First Day School and social area in 1964-65

brought the building to its present form.

6

History of Peace Activism at Wilton Friends Meeting

Quakers have always opposed war and preparation for war. Perhaps

Wilton Monthly Meeting’s most important action in relation to wider

Quakerism was the adoption in 1960 of a minute which was

submitted to and approved by New York Yearly Meeting. The text

follows:

A TESTMENT OF PEACE BY WILTON MONTHLY MEETING

It is now 300 years since Friends first declared “we cannot

learn war anymore.” Now as then, the spirit of Jesus Christ

can never move us to violence, neither in personal conflict

nor in public life. His way is opened by that of God in

every man; and by the helping hand of God available to all.

Today His way can save the world. Though every

individual owes loyalty to the state, he owes higher loyalty

to the authority of the inner light that is of God.

And so with special urgency we invite all who hear to

utterly renounce war—now the real and final enemy of

man—and daily to seek ways to practice the life that knows

no occasion for war, and to learn the ways of peace without

which all men perish.

Consistent with this position, WMM has been and is deeply engaged

in many causes related to peace, resistance to war, and striving for a

better social order. From the efforts of the sewing group, the

“Hiroshima Maidens,” the anti-draft movement, the Sanctuary

Movement when we sponsored a Guatemalan family, to the present-

day movement against the death penalty or anti-gun violence, Wilton

Meeting has stood up for looking for the Spirit Within rather than

outward strife.

History of Education at Wilton Friends Meeting

A First Day School is one of Wilton Monthly Meeting’s important

activities. From its very beginnings, there has been a committee

devoted to educating the children of our meeting. The number of

children fluctuates, from few to fifty, and at one point overwhelmed

the meeting to the point of having to hire a First Day School

Director. For the most part, however, Wilton Meeting has taught its

7

many children a well-thought-out program, instilling Quaker values

with current events and some biblical stories.

Since 1956 the building has also been used for a nursery school

under the care of the meeting. It was called the Helen Gander

Friends Nursery School in memory of a Wilton Friend who was very

instrumental in the founding of the meeting and of the nursery

school. Marjorie Walton was head of the nursery school for many

years until she retired in 1996. Since then, Maureen Jackson, who

was one of the teachers, has taken on that position. In June, 2012, the

Friends Nursery School merged with Connecticut Friends School

when Maureen Jackson retired.

Connecticut Friends School began in September, 1998, founded by a

group of parents anxious to give their children a Quaker education

that was more formal than the home-schooling they had formerly

been given. Wilton Meeting approved, and agreed to take the school

under its care. The first classes were held on September 8, 1998, for

five children with one teacher, with Kim Tsocanos as Head of

School. Classes were held in the Meeting Room. By 2011, with Kim

Tsocanos and Mark Dansereau as co-Heads of School, Connecticut

Friends School had grown to about 60 students in grades K-8 held in

two modular school buildings on Meeting grounds. In 2014, CFS, the

school Mark characterized as “a jewel amonsst schools in this area

because it is an intimate environment where everyone is known and

supported,” received “reaccreditation with distinction” from the

Connecticut Association of Independent Schools (CAIS). Despite

these successes, by 2015, the recession had taken its toll. At the end

of that school year, the Board of Directors was forced by declining

enrollment to limit the size of the school to the preschool, ages 2-5.

Stacey Mink became the Friends Preschool Director and plans were

made to obtain State Licences and move the preschool into Hastings

Hall.

8

Monthly Meeting for Worship with a

Concern for Business

The basic unit in the Religious Society of Friends is the monthly

meeting. It has as its primary concern the meeting for worship.

In the transaction of business the same reverent waiting upon the

Lord should prevail as in meetings for worship. Friends should give

patient and sympathetic consideration to all proposals and expression

of opinion. We reach decisions through a sense of the meeting rather

than by vote.

The Monthly Meeting receives, transfers, and dismisses members;

provides for the oversight of marriages and funerals, and treats in a

spirit of restoring love those who depart from Friends’ principles and

testimonies. It collects funds necessary for the work of the meeting;

holds and administers real estate and other property for the use of the

meeting; appoints members and committees for special service and

considers and approves their reports. The individual member and the

group are strengthened in faith and practice by prompt and regular

attendance at these meetings. Queries and advices should be read at

frequent intervals.

There should be a willingness to speak or be silent as led. Friends

should rely on the power of the spirit of truth and seek to keep their

speech simple and straightforward. If the meeting is to reach a group

decision, participants need considerable personal discipline and an

allowance for humble or tentative conclusions.

A meeting for business should remain close to divine guidance, and,

if Friends show no clear direction on a matter or lose their leading

and wander off into argument, a period of silent waiting on God can

show the way. The words of those who speak after prayerful

consideration have a different quality and purpose from words

uttered in dispute. It is Quaker custom, too, for persons who have

once expressed their views clearly and adequately not to address the

meeting again.

9

When a meeting cannot unite upon a minute, the old policy remains

unchanged, and the subject is dropped or deferred.

Our usual practice is that officers and committees having items

requiring action put those action items on the agenda; those having

reports not requiring action submit those reports for attachment to

the minutes.

Although Friends’ business procedure frequently requires more time

and patience than voting, the results are generally more satisfactory

to all concerned. One may not find it easy to give way to someone

else or another point of view, but when the Sprit of God is moving in

a meeting, Friends are awakened to a new revelation of truth.

Friends may adjourn a session of a monthly meeting and continue it

at a later date. Special meetings of the monthly meeting can be

called by either the clerk, or the assistant clerk or upon the request of

three members. The clerk shall give notice at a regular meeting for

worship at least seven days prior to the date of holding the special

meeting.. This notice should identify the business to be considered

and the persons calling for the special meeting. No business may be

considered at a special meeting other than that for which it was

called. Each monthly meeting should define a quorum for the

transaction of business in its special sessions.

Learn to trust Quaker process to work and leave the outcome to the

Spirit.

For an expanded, more complete discussion of this subject see “Faith

and Practice: The Book of Discipline of the New York Yearly

Meeting of the Religious Society of Friends,” section on

Organization and Business Procedure.

10

Meeting Officers

Terms of officers are for one year, beginning Seventh Month 1 and

ending Sixth Month 30.

11

Clerk (Co-and/or Assistant)

Membership: The Clerk must be a member of the Wilton Monthly

Meeting. The meeting generally appoints two people to take on the

responsibilities of clerking the meeting. This may be a clerk and

assistant clerk, or two co-clerks as led.

Term: The Clerk is elected for a one-year term (renewable).

Duties:

Primary:

To guide the conduct of the monthly business meeting:

working with committee clerks to set an agenda, then

leading the meeting business through listening for a sense of

the meeting and offering minutes for meeting approval. The

clerk needs to remain objective and neutral.

To gently lead Friends out of meeting for worship by

requesting “after-thoughts,” identifying newcomers to be

welcomed, and managing announcements of upcoming

events.

To sign necessary meeting documents.

To attend all other committee meetings as led.

Secondary:

To organize the meeting mail.

To reply to the meeting phone messages.

To initiate the meeting phone tree or email listserv.

To liaison with other clerks in the Quarter.

To deal with other business that must come before the

meeting.

If an assistant clerk is appointed, that officer has such duties as may

be delegated by the clerk. In the absence of the clerk the assistant

clerk conducts meetings for worship with a concern for business. In

the absence of either clerk, the meeting shall appoint a clerk-of-the-

day among those present.

12

Recording Clerk

Membership: The Recording Clerk is not required to be a member

of Wilton Monthly Meeting.

Term: Elected to one-year term (renewable)

Duties:

To take accurate notes and minutes of the monthly meeting

for business.

To send these to the newsletter editor, the recorder and web

master for posting.

Recommended is a pamphlet called Unforeseen Joy: Serving a

Friends Meeting As Recording Clerk, by Damon Hickey, It is

described by the FGC bookstore as an excellent and delightful guide

for recording clerks, full of practical advice with a spiritual basis.

Although written in 1987, it is still worthy of perusal by any

beginning recording clerk for its many helpful guidelines.

13

Recorder

Membership: The Recorder is not required to be a member of

Wilton Monthly Meeting.

Term: Elected to one-year term (renewable)

Duties:

To keep accurate records of the meeting members, including

births, deaths, marriages, accepted membership applications

and transfers. Membership records should be kept on

meeting membership sheets on acid-free paper, one for each

member. When membership is ended by removal, death, or

otherwise, that membership sheet should be removed to a

separate binder.

To update New York Yearly Meeting of any membership

changes, so the changes can be made in the Spark mailing

list and for publication in the Notices column. This includes

marriages, new members, transfers in and out, deaths, and

address changes. Notices of births may be sent to the Yearly

Meeting office for publication in Spark, whether or not the

baby is a member of the meeting. Marriages are also

announced at the wish of the meeting and the parties

involved.

To keep an updated mailing list of all members and

attenders, with the aid of the directory publisher.

To publish the revised, approved Handbook each year when

significant changes are made to the WMM Handbook,.

The Monthly Meeting recorder is also responsible for the

Statistical Report of the members of the meeting, based on

the official records. The New York Yearly Meeting office

sends a printout of this annual report to each Monthly

Meeting Recorder for changes and corrections in May.

To enter the Minutes in the Minute Book kept in the Library.

The Recorder is responsible for permanent preservation of

Meeting’s minutes,.

14

To send, on acid-free paper, a complete set of minutes to

Swarthmore every ten years. The address is:

Friends Historical Library Swarthmore College

500 College Avenue

Swarthmore, PA 19081

Phone: (610) 328-8496

Fax: (610) 690-5728

Email: friends@swarthmore.edu

More detailed information is available in the NYYM “Faith &

Practice.” (pp.97-98, 2014 edition.

15

Treasurer

Membership: The Treasurer should be a member of Wilton

Monthly Meeting. Exceptions have been made in the past.

Term: Appointed to one-year term (renewable)

Duties:

To keep accurate financial records of the Meeting including

all receipts, disbursements and other financial transactions.

To work with the auditor to assure that the books are in order

and that accepted accounting practices are being used.

To maintain appropriate checking, saving, and investment

accounts in institutions approved by the Monthly Meeting.

To pay all bills and financial obligations from Meeting funds

in a timely manner, including the annual Quarter and Yearly

Meeting contributions.

To collect all contributions and other income and deposit

these funds in the Meeting bank account in the absence or

incapacity of the Assistant Treasurer.

To keep records for annual tax receipts to contributors and to

send annual tax acknowledgement letters to contributors.

To prepare monthly, quarterly and annual financial

statements.

To report to meeting for worship with a concern for business

at least quarterly and more often as need arises.

To prepare an annual budget, working with finance

committee and committee clerks, and submitting it to

business meeting in May for approval in June.

To serve on the Finance Committee.

16

Assistant Treasurer

Membership: The Assistant Treasurer is not required to be a

member of Wilton Monthly Meeting.

Term: Elected to one-year term (renewable)

Duties:

To collect all cash contributions and other income to the

Meeting and deposit these funds in the Meeting bank

account.

To provide a record of the deposit detail to the Treasurer for

recording in the Meeting financial records.

To perform the duties of the Treasurer in the absence or

incapacity of the Treasurer,

To serve on the Finance Committee.

17

Standing Committees

The descriptions of our “Standing Committees” include their

functions, qualifications for membership, and length of service.

Committee terms begin Seventh Month 1 and end Sixth Month 30.

Certain committees may have multi-year appointments. This

provides continuity and lets members follow their interests and

leadings.

At the beginning of each annual term a convener is appointed by

Nominating Committee to hold the first meeting. The first order of

business of every committee is to choose its clerk and report its

clerk’s name to the clerk or co-clerks of the meeting. Also, the first

meeting should be a joint meeting with out-going/incoming members

for continuity sake.

Any committee, except Nominating, is free to add, besides its

regularly appointed members, any other Meeting member, associate

member, or regular attender who shows sufficient interest, is willing

to attend meetings, perform committee duties, and bring specific

gifts to the work of the committee. A co-opted member will serve for

the remainder of that year.. It is important that such co-opting be the

considered decision of the full committee and not a casual invitation

from the committee clerk.

The act of co-opting is recorded in the committee’s minutes and

communicated to the clerk of the Meeting and the clerk of the

Nominating Committee. Nominating will report to the next Business

session. The Nominating Committee can look at the discharge of

responsibilities by co-opted members to find candidates for regular

appointments to a committee. (Minute approved in 7/07)

Changes in committee membership and officers will be reported to

Nominating so that Nominating will be able to report to business

sessions and record the changes. Changes to the nominating slate

will be published in the newsletter.

Friends are reminded that, following good Quaker practice, we are to

take minutes for all of our committee meetings. (2000-08-04)

Committees are asked to keep records of their meetings and store

copies of their minutes in archival binders in the library. (02-11-03)

18

In general, the number of members on any committee is optimized

for a balance of efficiency and continuity of expertise. Large

committees can become unwieldy when trying to achieve unity, and

small committees can suffer “brain drain” when inexperienced

members join when seasoned members end their terms. The “golden

number” for membership on committees appears to be 6, with

staggered membership terms. (Note in Business Meeting Minutes of

June 2005)

New York Yearly Meeting’s “Faith and Practice” specifies that

Ministry and Oversight, Finance, Advancement, and Nominating

Committees shall include only members of the Meeting. Wilton

Monthly Meeting has occasionally appointed Meeting attenders to

these committees upon approval of the Meeting.

19

Advancement and Outreach

Membership: Traditionally three people, members or attenders.

Term: Friends and attenders are appointed for three-year terms.

Duties: To publish a monthly newsletter; both electronically through

the listserv and to have paper copies available to those not on email.

At least one person is also needed to be a webmaster.

The newsletter is the main communication vehicle of

meeting and captures all news and goings-on.

The newsletter traditionally has a calendar of meeting

events, including when committees meet. It also contains the

minutes of the last Meeting for Business.

It often has a feature article and contains key updates and

events from Quarterly and Yearly Meeting.

One person serves to take the newsletter and get paper

copies printed for those not on email and to send to non-local

members.

The webmaster is responsible for maintaining an up-to-date

email list for our listserv as well as up-to-date content on our

website.

Public relations and outreach—this might include signs

indicating where to find WMM, PR for local newspapers,

publicizing events at meeting and any other ways that we

can share the gifts and programs of WMM with the broader

community.

20

Connecticut Friends School Board of

Directors

Membership: There shall be at least a total of five directors and up

to fifteen, but always a majority will be Quakers. Since CFS is under

the care of WMM, some of the members shall be members or

attenders of WMM.

Terms: 3 years, rotating.

Purpose: CFS Corporation is established to conduct, operate and

maintain an independent, not-for-profit, co-educational school and

learning center for members of the Wilton Monthly Meeting and

like-minded individuals and families in the surrounding

communities. CFS is open to people of all ethnic, religious and racial

backgrounds and functions in keeping with Friends (Quaker)

philosophy and under the care of WMM of the Religious Society of

Friends.

Duties:

The affairs of the corporation shall be managed by the Board

of Directors.

It is expected that all Directors will be active and regular in

their involvement with policy matters and attendance to

Board matters, fulfilling their obligations as officers and/or

as participants in committee assignments.

A Director is knowledgeable about, and actively promotes

the school’s missions, vision, strategic goals and policies.

A Director articulates and supports the Quaker identity and

character of the school.

A Director makes giving to the annual fund, as well as

participation in capital campaigns, a philanthropic priority at

an individually appropriate level.

Each Director, not just the treasurer and finance committee,

has a fiduciary responsibility for the stewardship of the

school’s financial stability and future.

A Director stays fully informed about current operations and

matters relevant to the board’s ongoing agenda. Come to

meetings well prepared and participate.

21

A Director has the responsibility to support the school and

its head, takes time to visit the school periodically, is active

on at least one committee, and attends school functions.

Authority is vested in the board as a whole, and not in

individual Directors.

The board sets policy and focuses on long-range and

strategic issues. Individual directors should not become

directly involved in the day-to-day operations of the school.

A Director is knowledgeable about Friends’ decision-making

practice.

A Director supports board decisions. Bring your concerns to

board committees and board meetings; concerns shared

elsewhere have destructive potential.

A Director keeps all board deliberations confidential,

although decisions may be made public.

A Director takes care to separate the interest of the school

from the specific needs of a particular child or constituency.

A Director guards against conflict of interest, whether

personal or business-related. Any potential conflicts of

interest are made known to the Board.

22

Finance

Membership: Traditionally all are members of the Wilton Monthly

Meeting. The treasurer serves ex officio on the Finance Committee.

Term: Elected for three-year terms; three to five members, with

rotating terms.

Duties:

The Finance Committee is responsible for making recommendations

to meeting that impact our financial health. For example, they

work with Quarterly Meeting to recommend our share of

Yearly Meeting contributions.

also send reminder letters 2-3 times per year for

member/attender donations and in January send thank-you

letters for donations received (tax receipts).

coordinate with the Connecticut Friends School finance

committee to agree on equitable contributions to the meeting

and the sharing of expenses.

examine and monitor the long-range financial health of the

meeting.

ensures that the financial reports for presentation to the

monthly meeting are both timely and accurate.

prepare the annual budget together with input from the

Treasurer.

discuss major expenses.

maintain watch over Wilton Monthly Meeting’s accounts in

socially-responsible vehicles.

recommend the amount of money at year’s end for the

meeting’s capital fund.

Auditor position will be eliminated, with the audit function

being taken over by the Finance Committee. Audits will

occur after the first year of service by any Treasurer, and at

23

the end of every Treasurer’s tenure, but there will be no

more than five years between audits. (2015-05-01)

Property Coordinator: Responsible for responding to and

negotiating rentals of the property by people outside of Wilton

Monthly Meeting. Reports to Finance Committee on an ad hoc basis.

(2015-05-05)

24

First Day School

Membership: First Day School committee members are not

required to be members of Wilton Monthly Meeting.

Term: Elected for three-year terms. Traditionally 3-6 people serve

on the committee.

Duties: The FDS committee is responsible for:

Setting curriculum and organizing teachers to run our

weekly First Day School.

Maintaining regular attendance records (important for

potential Conscientious Objector status).

If large numbers of children participate regularly, we may

organize age groups for the children and will develop an

age-appropriate curriculum for each age group.

The committee members are not always teachers. We reach

out to all meeting members for their gifts in this area.

A typical First Day is as follows: first 15-20 minutes all children in

meeting for worship; then the FDS leaves and has a circle of sharing

in the back FDS room, during which you go around the circle with

your name and a shared thought. Then the groups break for study in

their age groups. Finally FDS comes back into meeting for

afterthoughts.

The annual opening and closing of the FDS year is celebrated at

Hospitality with a community gathering organized by the children.

(Ice cream is always welcomed.)

On summer First Days, the children are cared for by adult volunteers

who may organize informal opportunities.

25

Hospitality (under Physical

Stewardship Committee)

Membership: Members of Hospitality Committee are not required

to be members of Wilton Monthly Meeting.

Terms: Appointed for one-year terms (renewable)

Duties: The committee is responsible for food and beverages at all

social occasions initiated by the Monthly Meeting for Business.

Hospitality Committee seeks to:

Encourage friends to sign up on the sheet for volunteering to

provide the refreshments after meeting for worship

Provide staples in the kitchen: coffee, tea, napkins, cups, etc.

Those volunteering for refreshments may be reimbursed by the

Treasurer/Assistant Treasurer or may get acknowledgment of their

contribution for tax deduction purposes.

All supplies needed by the Hospitality Committee are to be

purchased through the Treasurer/Assistant Treasurer and there is a

portion of the budget set aside for this purpose.

Any committee that holds a social occasion assumes the

responsibility for providing refreshments, set up, and clean up.

In the event of a memorial service or wedding, hospitality and M&O

will work together taking responsibility for memorial services, which

includes coordinating with hospitality for set up, refreshments,

logistics and cleanup.

26

House and Grounds (under Physical

Stewardship)

Membership: Members of House and Grounds Committee are not

required to be members of Wilton Monthly Meeting

Terms: Appointed in rotation for three-year terms; usually 5-8

people.

Duties: This committee oversees the care of our building and five

acres of land. It is charged with:

Maintaining the property.

Evaluating annual contracts for building services: fuel oil,

electricity, phone, plowing, and security.

Purchasing other needed supplies.

Employing and properly compensating a janitor.

Recommending improvements.

Overseeing new construction.

Ensuring fire codes are met and the buildings conform to all

safety standards (e.g., replacing smoke detector batteries 2

times a year).

Organizing two work days each year, one in the fall and

one in the spring, during which members and attenders

perform needed tasks to help maintain the property.

Maintaining a calendar of when the Meetinghouse is in use.

Conducting an annual audit of the physical plant.

27

Library Committee (under Physical

Stewardship)

Membership: Members of Library Committee are not required to be

members of Wilton Monthly Meeting

Terms: Appointed in rotation for three-year terms, three people.

Duties: In the meeting’s Felix Korman Library are histories of

Quakerism, biographies and writings of Friends, copies of various

Disciplines, Pendle Hill pamphlets, various translations of the Bible,

and other religious works. The library committee is responsible for:

Keeping records of books borrowed.

Twice annually reviewing the library books and circulation

including a recommendation for any new purchases of both

books and magazines.

Purchasing books with funds provided in the budget.

Accepting bequests and other donations of books suitable for

the library. After every NYYM Summer Session, the Mosher

Fund donates two books, usually chosen by Ty Griese,

which we accept with gratitude.

Purchasing materials for the pamphlet rack in the vestibule,

to be available free or at nominal cost.

Maintaining the library in a clean and orderly manner.

28

Long Range Planning

Membership: Members of Long Range Planning Committee are not

required to be members of Wilton Monthly Meeting. Meetings are

open to all interested people who are willing to give of their time and

work efforts.

Terms: Appointed for three-year terms.

Duties: To work with various meeting committees and ultimately

the whole meeting to develop a five-year plan that addresses five

long-range plan areas:

1. Physical Plant—A plan for the maintenance, improvement,

and expansion of Wilton Monthly Meeting buildings and

land.

2. Financial Plan—A plan to raise the necessary funds to pay

for the items in the 5-year plan.

3. CFS Coordination—Being mindful that CFS is under the

care of the Meeting, ensure that the Wilton Monthly

Meeting’s long-range plan aligns with the Connecticut

Friends School long range plan.

4. Outreach—Set out plans for increasing the number of

meeting’s members and attenders to include adults as well as

children/families.

5. Committee Structure—Are our meeting committees

structured effectively to support this five year long range

plan?

29

Ministry and Oversight

Membership: Wilton Meeting first tries to appoint members of the

meeting. Attenders identified as having certain gifts may be

appointed.

Term: Members serve a 3-year term with the end of the terms

overlapping such that they are staggered. This committee may have

up to nine members with six being a recommended minimum.

Duties: This committee’s work is of crucial importance because

Wilton Monthly Meeting, unlike other religious bodies and some

other Friends’ meetings, does not have a paid pastor. This

committee is responsible for nurturing the spiritual health of our

meeting, the pastoral care of its members and attenders, and for

coordinating with the Quarter and other meetings when requested.

The Ministry & Counsel Committee and the Overseers Committee

have been combined into one committee and their functions include:

Fostering the spiritual growth of the meeting membership

and enhancing the religious life and fellowship, including

especially the supervising and strengthening of corporate

worship of the meeting.

Receiving and overseeing applications for membership,

transfer, resignation, and disownment.

Having responsibility for all covenant relationships under the

care of the meeting.

Overseeing the spiritual care of Connecticut Friends School,

specifically meeting with their Board every fall.

Overseeing the discretionary fund, which is used for

confidential matters to support our community.

Responding to requests for scholarship monies to attend

spiritual workshops and/or Summer Sessions.

Taking responsibility for memorial services, including

coordinating with Hospitality in setting up refreshments and

cleaning up. M&O also takes responsibility for writing

memorial minutes as deemed appropriate.

30

At the request of the clerk(s), considering larger questions or

concerns rising out of activities of the Meeting.

Considering individual needs for guidance and making

provision for personal counsel and assistance in matters of

interpersonal relationships among members, and in

individual and family problems pertaining to illness,

financial matters, marital relations, and decisions of

conscience; and, where appropriate, to recommend

professionally-trained counsel for especially difficult

problems.

Annually reviewing the spiritual health of the Meeting and

preparing a State of the Meeting report each January

responding to the queries provided by the New York Yearly

Meeting. The report should be presented to Meeting for

Business for review in February and approved in March. It

will be subsequently submitted to NYYM.

Developing programs related to adult religious education,

including Quaker 101, study groups, and special meetings

for the purpose of addressing Friends’ spiritual concerns and

nurturing the spiritual condition of members and attenders.

Calling on members or regular attenders, especially if they

are unwell or in special need.

Ensuring the presence of a greeter on First Day who reaches

out to all new attenders and visitors on the day they attend.

The greeter also breaks Meeting for Worship.

Seeking to rekindle the interest of members who do not

attend regularly. Annual correspondence/outreach with all

non-resident members. Those not replying after three years

may be recommended to monthly meeting for

discontinuance of membership.

For additional description of duties and responsibilities,

please refer to the New York Yearly Meeting Handbook.

31

Nominating

Membership: Committee members are not required to be members

of Wilton Monthly Meeting.

Term: 3-year terms; four to six people

Duties: This committee is responsible for reaching out to meeting

members and attenders and seeing where each is led to serve. While

there is urgency for people to work on committees, members could

be reminded of the joy of community building that can come from

committee work.

Nominating can meet all year, but the work of the committee

is especially intense in March, April, and May as they are

reaching out to prepare the draft slate for meeting review at

the May business meeting.

Nominating committee often makes specific requests of

members who have gifts in certain areas to serve on specific

committees.

The slate is reviewed and commented on in the May

business meeting and published as a draft in the May

newsletter for further comments. Then a revised slate is

brought back to June business meeting for final approval.

In June, they find two new people for the committee, as two

drop off the committee.

32

Naming

Note: This committee has been laid down on occasion

Membership: Committee members are not required to be members

of Wilton Monthly Meeting.

Term: 1-year terms, 2-3 volunteers from the body

Duties: This committee will name new members to the Nominating

Committee (as members’ terms expire) when the new Wilton

Meeting nominating slate is presented. The slate is presented in May

and approved in June at Meetings for Business. Naming Committee

will fill seats as needed throughout that year.

33

Peace and Service

Membership: Committee members are not required to be members

of Wilton Monthly Meeting.

Term: 1-year term; six to eight people

Duties: This committee is responsible for meeting outreach and

supporting the testimonies of Quakers. Because of Friends' historic

testimony against war and military service, their long record of

involvement in a wide variety of social concerns, and Wilton

Monthly Meeting's special stand taken in 1960 on the peace

testimony (approved by New York Yearly Meeting) the work of this

committee is an essential part of Meeting's activity.

Responsibilities include:

Supporting and engaging in education for peace. Every First

Day, we have announcements of upcoming events involving

Quaker organizations such as Friends Committee on

National Legislation or American Friends Service

Committee. This committee has organized its own forums on

important subjects concerning peace, anti-death penalty

speakers, and ecology.

Communicating with government officials about matters

with implications for peace or social welfare.

Overseeing a budget which has historically ranged between

$800 and $3000, including donations to local and national

organizations engaged in peace and service activities.

Oversight of our monthly commitment to serve dinner at

Westport’s Gillespie House shelter. This involves getting

volunteers to prepare and serve dinner for roughly 25-30

people on the first First Day of each month.

Counseling with young Friends regarding conscientious

objection to war and concerns itself with those who suffer

because of objection to military service. WMM maintains a

file of records and letters concerning an individual’s

involvement in First Day School, in case of a reinstatement

of the draft.

34

Traditionally, encouraging WMM members and attenders to

march under the banner “People for a Peaceful Tomorrow”

in the Norwalk Memorial Day parade.

In the past, carrying out activities on Earth Day and

Mother’s Day to advocate for environmental responsibility

and peace.

Organizing events on themes related to Friends in Unity with

Nature and Right Sharing of World Resources activities.

Members of the committee have longstanding commitments

to Norwalk/Nagarote Sister City Project and other

environmental and anti-poverty groups and initiatives locally

and internationally.

Running fund raisers for the support of NYYM activities or

concerns of interest to the committee. SAVE (Serving All

Vessels Equally), Connecticut Friends School, ABCD, and

Norwalk/Nagarote Sister City Project have been

beneficiaries of past fund raisers.

All members and attenders are encouraged to participate in Peace

and Service Committee activities. Young adults in particular are

invited to serve on the committee.

35

Physical Stewardship

Membership: Committee members are not required to be members

of Wilton Monthly Meeting. Traditionally 5-8 members and/or

attenders

Term: 3 year term

Duties: This committee is a combination of three previously

independent committees:

House and Grounds

Library

Hospitality.

See individual pages for descriptions of each sub-committee’s

Membership, Term and Duties.

36

Yearly Meeting Representatives,

Purchase Quarter Representatives,

and Others

Membership: At least one person, member or attender

Term: Wilton Monthly Meeting has at least one representative to

New York Yearly Meeting, serving in rotation for one-year terms,

which begin immediately following Summer Session.

Duties:

The meeting’s representative to NYYM acts as liaison between

the Monthly Meeting and Yearly Meeting, facilitating

communication and understanding between the two

organizations.

They are expected to attend Summer Session as well as the two

NYYM Representative meetings during the year, or arrange for

a suitable substitute.

One member/attender for NYYM Representative meeting; it

meets twice a year to transact business not transacted at the

New York Yearly Meeting in July.

Through reports to Monthly Business Meeting and items in the

newsletter, the representatives keep the Monthly Meeting

informed of NYYM activities, and encourage attendance and

active participation by members and regular attenders.

37

Purchase Quarter Representative

Membership: Members or attenders

Term: Wilton Monthly Meeting has three representatives to

Purchase Quarter Meeting, one-year each.

Duties: Attend Quarterly business meetings as representative of

WMM. Report to WMM Meeting for Business.

One member/attender for Purchase Quarter M&C; other

committees as needed (in the past, some have been

Scholarship, Peace & Social Justice, Nominating,

Representative, Ministry & Counsel, and Discernment)

Other Local Interfaith Council Representatives

(Westport Interfaith, Norwalk Interfaith, Wilton Interfaith, New

Canaan Interfaith).

Membership: Members or attenders

Term: One year each, renewable

Duties: Attend committee meetings and/or gatherings. Report as

needed to Meeting for Business.

Wilton: WI-ACT, the Wilton Interfaith Action Committee,

comprises about a dozen Wilton faith congregations. Liaisons to this

group, besides attending steering committee meetings, share in

organizing WI-ACT’s annual Stop Hunger Now project event,

enlisting hundreds of volunteers for the project, and also help to

organize fundraising events to pay for it.

38

Membership

From New York Yearly Meeting’s “Faith and Practice”

Friends accept into active membership those whose declarations and

ways of life manifest such unity with Friends' views and practices

that they may be expected to enter fully into religious fellowship

with the meeting. Part of the essential genius of the Society is the

experience of growth through common worship and the loving

acceptance of an individual by the group. It is an open fellowship

that recognizes that of God in everyone.

Those inclined to join us should review carefully this entire book of

Faith and Practice and other Friends' literature so as to gain an

understanding of the basis of the Quaker faith, mode of worship, and

manner of transacting business. They should attend meetings for

worship and for business for a sufficient period of time to become

convinced that membership will nourish and enrich their continuing

growth in the life of the Spirit. They should be aware that this growth

may entail changes in every aspect of their lives. Membership in a

monthly meeting includes membership in the quarterly or equivalent

meeting, the New York Yearly Meeting, Friends United Meeting,

and Friends General Conference. Prospective applicants for

membership should also have knowledge of the Wider Quaker

Fellowship, the Friends World Committee for Consultation, the

American Friends Service Committee, and the Friends Committee on

National Legislation. They should discuss any questions or doubts

with members of the meeting, particularly overseers or members of

ministry and counsel.

Membership is a privilege and entails a corresponding responsibility.

Members should be prepared to give bountifully of their resources of

time and money. The shared ministry of the Society and the

importance of the proper functioning of committees and meetings

demand participation and cooperation. Membership is a commitment

to enter wholeheartedly into the spiritual and corporate activities of

the Society and willingly to assume responsibility for both service

and support as the way opens.

Only monthly and executive meetings have the power to admit

individuals to membership in the Religious Society of Friends.

39

ADULTS. Membership may be extended to adults by individual

application or by certificate of transfer from another monthly

meeting.

CHILDREN. Friends have a particular responsibility to bring

children under the loving care of the meeting. Friends should be

sensitive to the needs of these young people, nurturing their spiritual

well-being and helping them grow into mature and concerned

members.

Meetings differ in the ways in which they encourage children's

participation. Wilton Monthly Meeting extends associate

membership to children under age 18 a) by written request of both

member parents, b) by request of a member parent and written

consent, if possible, of the nonmember parent, c) by request of a

guardian, d) by request of the child upon recommendation of the

Ministry and Oversight Committee. When persons who have

acquired membership in any of these ways reach the age of twenty-

three, Ministry and Oversight should discuss with them their

continued membership.

[It is] our desire that all persons on whom involuntary

membership has been conferred, either by birth or

through entrance of parents into membership, be

reaffirmed by commitment at an age which would

make this appropriate.

--Yearly Meeting Minute #13, 1976

All members age 18 and over are considered adult members for

statistical and financial purposes.

SOJOURNING MEMBERSHIP. Friends who expect to be

residing temporarily within the limits of monthly meetings not their

own may request from their own meetings recommendations of

sojourning membership. If their meetings approve, they may issue

certificates commending these Friends to the other meetings and

stating the lengths of time during which the sojourning memberships

are to be effective. This temporary residence may include

intermittent periods, such as that of students attending school or

college or of Friends working under concerns that take them from

home.

40

Following the general procedures for membership applications, the

meetings with which they wish to associate may accept Friends into

sojourning membership, according them the same privileges and

responsibilities as full members but not including them in the total

membership of the meetings for statistical reports.

A certificate of sojourning membership does not terminate the

membership in the originating meeting.

APPLICATION. An applicant for membership should address a

letter to the monthly meeting, stating the reasons for wishing to join

the Religious Society of Friends and indicating the extent of unity

with its principles and testimonies. This letter, addressed to the

monthly meeting, is sent to the overseers or the meeting on ministry

and counsel, who should acknowledge it promptly.

The meeting on ministry and counsel or the overseers will appoint

from among their members a clearness committee, which has the

responsibility to evaluate an applicant for membership. Monthly

meetings without a meeting on ministry and counsel or overseers

will undertake this responsibility directly. Although not requiring

acceptance of any specific statement of faith or theological

formulation of belief, the clearness committee should ascertain by

personal visits the religious background and views of the applicant

and the person's knowledge and acceptance of Friends' principles and

practices. In particular, the applicant should be acquainted with the

varieties of religious interpretation existing throughout the Society

and with its emphasis on the loving spirit and teachings of Jesus. The

applicant should discuss frankly with the clearness committee any

reservations concerning Friends' beliefs and practices.

The clearness committee will explain the responsibilities and

opportunities inherent in membership. These include faithful

attendance at meetings for worship and business, service on

committees, sharing in financial support of the meeting, and

involvement in regional and yearly meeting activities.

The clearness committee will report to the monthly meeting on

ministry and counsel or overseers, who will then make a

recommendation to the monthly meeting. If the overseers or the

meeting on ministry and counsel report that they find no obstruction,

the monthly meeting may immediately receive the applicant into

membership. If the overseers or ministry and counsel feel that the

41

applicant is not yet ready for membership, they may postpone

recommending action until a subsequent meeting. It is then their

responsibility to become better acquainted with the applicant and to

offer such instruction and guidance as seem appropriate.

When the monthly meeting accepts an applicant into membership,

the clerk records the action and furnishes the new member a copy of

the approving minute. The meeting may appoint a welcoming

committee.

Each meeting has a corporate personality of its own so that it is

inevitable that there will be local coloration in the interpretation of

membership requirements. This should not be construed, however, as

license to impose additional requirements for membership or to set

aside the guidelines in this Discipline. The receiving meeting must

be mindful of the fact that it acts not only in its own behalf but in the

name of the Religious Society of Friends in its entirety.

ATTENDERS. Attenders are those who manifest a continuing

interest in the life of the meeting. Friends should welcome their

participation in activities of the meeting, but they may not serve as

clerks of the meeting, elders, or on the Finance, Advancement, or

Nominating Committees*, and they should know that it is the

members who must make the decisions in the meetings for business.

WIDER QUAKER FELLOWSHIP. This is an international group

who desire Quaker fellowship without formal membership in the

Religious Society of Friends. Further information is available from

the yearly meeting office.

TRANSFER OF MEMBERSHIP. When a monthly meeting

receives a request for transfer from one of its members, the overseers

or the meeting on ministry and counsel should carefully inquire into

the condition of the member's religious and temporal affairs. If, on

such inquiry, it seems proper to do so, the meeting should direct its

clerk to issue a minute of transfer and promptly forward it to the

monthly meeting to which transfer is desired. Transfer minutes for

those recorded in the gifts of ministry should so state. If objection to

a transfer appears, the clerks of the meetings involved should confer.

When the meeting to which the member wishes to transfer receives

the minute, its clerk should refer it to the overseers or the meeting on

ministry and counsel. Unless objection appears, the meeting should

accept and record the Friend as a member. Until this is done, the

42

Friend remains a member of the former meeting. The clerk of the

meeting accepting the transfer should notify the former meeting of

that action. One or more Friends should be appointed to visit the

transferred member and extend a welcome.

JOINING OTHER DENOMINATIONS. If a member wishes to

join another religious denomination, the monthly meeting may grant

a letter of recommendation and remove the individual's name from

membership. When any member has joined another denomination

without requesting a letter of recommendation, the monthly meeting

should remove the individual's name from the list of members, the

clerk sending notice of this action to the person concerned.

RELEASE FROM MEMBERSHIP. When a member requests the

monthly meeting to release her or him from membership, the

monthly meeting or overseers should appoint Friends to visit (or

write to) the member and to inquire sensitively into the matter. If the

member does not reconsider, the meeting should release that Friend

from membership. The clerk should write to the former member,

quoting the minute of release. For reinstatement, the applicant must

follow the usual order of application for membership.

DISCONTINUANCE. After having made sustained and diligent

efforts to reclaim the commitment of those Friends who have lost

touch with meetings, monthly meetings may discontinue their

membership. Before taking that action, the meeting should have sent

letters of loving inquiry to such members at least once a year for a

period of three years. Having received no satisfactory replies, the

monthly meeting clerk may make a minute discontinuing

membership and so inform the persons concerned.

DISOWNMENT. A monthly meeting should not disown a member

until every method of reconciliation has been exhausted. Formal

complaints against a member should be considered prayerfully by the

meeting on ministry and counsel or the overseers. A committee

appointed to confer with the member should labor in love to try to

resolve the problem. Care should be taken to distinguish between the

deed and the doer. If the committee is unable to restore the member

to fellowship with the meeting, the matter should be brought before

the monthly meeting which will, if it still be unresolved, prepare a

minute of disownment. The member shall be given a copy of the

minute and the membership records corrected accordingly.

43

A disowned member may appeal the disownment to the quarterly

meeting within six months for a review. If the quarterly meeting

upholds the decision of the monthly meeting, the individual can still

appeal to the yearly meeting.

When there is a review before a quarterly or the yearly meeting, a

committee of three should be appointed to represent the meeting

from which the appeal is taken. Review may, by common accord, be

conducted before a judicious and representative committee appointed

by the meeting to which appeal is made rather than before the entire

meeting.

See Wilton Monthly Meeting exceptions to Meeting attendee

committee membership under “Standing Committees” section

above.

44

Appendix (Forms)

The following forms are at reduced size for informational use only.

The actual forms may be obtained from the Recorder.

45

MONTHLY MEETING MEMBERSHIP RECORD

46

47

CERTIFICATE OF TRANSFER

48

INFORMATION AND INSTRUCTIONS ON FINAL

AFFAIRS

49