Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication 1 of 43 Revising Sentences for Clarity ...

Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication 1 of 43

Revising Sentences for Clarity

Short Sentences General Language Specialized Language Noun Strings Prepositional Phrases Punctuation Flaws


Short Sentences

How old is the writer of the following passage?

I watched your show called Discovery. It was about spiders. Don’t kill the spiders. I know you have to catch them for medicine. But only catch some spiders. I just don’t think it’s fair. Also, you have to be very, very careful around tarantulas and black widows. Another reason why is because if you hurt them they’ll hurt you. I like spiders. But to tell you the truth, not very much.


Short Sentences

Market conditions are very unstable. Business reacts

quickly to the price of pulp and paper. Capital spending by

pulp and paper mills is known to be cut off immediately that

pulp prices drop. Engineering projects can be stopped with

little notice. The technology is relatively stable. (Average

sentence length = 9 words.)


Short Sentences

Market conditions are very unstable as indicated by how

quickly business reacts to the price of pulp and paper.

Because mills sometimes cut off capital spending

immediately when pulp prices drop, engineering projects

can be stopped with little notice. The technology is

relatively stable, however. (Average sentence length = 15

words.)


Short Sentences

Leadership in an individual is the degree to which several

qualities are exhibited. These qualities include innovation,

organization and motivation. Our managers and associates

exhibit varying degrees of leadership but commonly are

high in innovation.


Short Sentences

Individuals exhibit leadership through such qualities as

innovation, organization, and motivation are exhibited. Our

managers and associates exhibit varying degrees of

leadership but commonly are high in innovation.


General Language

Approximately 60% of our work is of a repeat nature with

only minor variations. This repeat work is specifically of the

inspection and quality control type and does not require

higher education.


General Language

Approximately 60% of our work involves repetitious

inspection and quality control that does not require higher

education.


General Language

General Word Example Sentence

Aspect One aspect of the theory is correct.

Basically Basically, the results were accurate.

Big/Little There is a big difference between our results.

Clear/Unclear The reason for the error is clear.

Good/Bad The accuracy of the measurements was quite good.

Important This is an important result.

Interesting This is an interesting idea.

Kind of/Sort of The results are kind of confusing.

Large/Small The results show a small deviation from theory.

More or less The experiment went more or less as expected.

Number of /Lots of There are a number of problems with this approach.


General Language (cont’d)

General Word Example Sentence

Partly My results were partly right.

Perfectly The results are perfectly consistent with the theory.

Situation The situation was unexpected.

Somewhat I think the theory is somewhat misleading.

Thing I learned two things in this experiment.

This This was an inaccurate result.

To a certain extent To a certain extent, I was surprised by the results.

To some degree To some degree, the equipment malfunctioned.

Type This type of experiment is interesting.

Very much/Very little Very much was learned from this experiment.

Way The way the values were obtained is incorrect.


Example of Gobbledegook

In effect, it was hypothesized that certain physical data categories

including housing types and densities, land use characteristics, and

ecological location, constitute a scaleable content area. This could be

called a continuum of residential desirabilities. Likewise, it was

hypothesized that several social strata categories, describing the same

census tracts, and referring generally to the social stratification system of

the city, would also be scaleable. This scale could be called a continuum

of socioeconomic status. It was also hypothesized that there would be a

high positive correlation between the scale type of each continuum.


Gobbledegook Translated

Wealthy people live in nice homes in desirable

neighborhoods while poor people live in substandard

housing in run-down neighborhoods.


Example of Doublespeak

To service the target, the theater was entered and a

package of ordnance was delivered. Subsequently, a BDA

was undertaken in order to assess the softening of enemy

assets. It was observed that the ordnance was incontinent

thereby leading to some collateral damage.


Doublespeak Translated

We dropped bombs on the enemy and then later looked to

see if we killed them, but we missed and blew up civilians

instead.


Suggestions for Using Acronyms

Introduce acronyms, providing the words they replace the first time you use them.

Do not define common acronyms such as IBM or DOS Limit your use of acronyms, restricting the number in

individual sentences. Repeat the words acronyms replace periodically and use

few if any acronyms in introductions, conclusions, abstracts, and executive summaries.

Provide a glossary if your report has many acronyms.


Acronyms

This letter provides a summary of the results of dispersion

modeling of ETBM emissions from the site, and a

description of the approaches taken to estimate the ETBM

emissions, to conduct the dispersion modeling and to

prepare the contour plots of ambient ethyl tertiary butyl

methylene (ETBM) concentrations


Acronyms

This letter summarizes the results of dispersion modeling

the ethyl tertiary butyl methelyne (ETBM) emissions from

the site and describes the approaches for estimating ETBM

emissions, conducting dispersion modeling, and preparing

contour plots of ambient ETBM concentrations.


Acronyms

Any requirements agreed upon by DOD and FAA after the

baseline of the SS and IRDs are placed into concept

papers called ORDDs.


Acronyms

Any requirements agreed upon by DOD and FAA after the

baseline of the Segment Specifications and Interface

Requirement Documents are placed into concept papers

called ORDDs [????].


Noun Strings

The parent company is a worldwide data network provider

service company.


Noun Strings

The parent company is a service company that provides

data networks worldwide.

Or?

The parent company provides and services worldwide data

networks


Noun Strings

The wind pattern was further illustrated following a recovery

boiler electrostatic precipitator fire at the site in 1988.


Noun Strings

The wind pattern was further illustrated following a fire in

the electrostatic precipitator of a recovery boiler at the site

in 1988.


Noun Strings

The dispersion model calculated twenty-four hour averaged

concentrations assume continuous operations over that

twenty-four hour period.


Noun Strings

The averaged twenty-four hour concentrations calculated

using the dispersion model assume continuous operations

over that twenty-four hour period.


Noun Strings

Because the predicted ambient total suspended particulate

concentrations met Department of Environment, Lands and

Parks' Level B ambient air quality objectives, a further

evaluation was not required.


Noun Strings

Because the predicted total concentrations of ambient

suspended particulates met the level B ambient air quality

objectives mandated by the Department of Environment,

Lands and Parks, a further evaluation was not required.


Noun Strings

Team members must understand that behavior oriented

activities are just as important as task oriented activities.


Noun Strings

Team members must understand that behavior-oriented

activities are just as important as task-oriented activities.


Noun Strings

Hence, a method must be devised to alleviate the slow

response performance problem.


Noun Strings

Hence, a method must be devised to speed up the

response.


Prepositional Phrases

More detailed analysis, using Cepstrum technique, is

applied based on computation of the power spectrum of the

logarithm of the power spectrum of the vibration data

obtained from the accelerometer on the truck frame in

different positions.



A more detailed analysis uses Cepstrum technique to

compute the power spectrum as a logarithm of the various

vibration spectra measured by the accelerometer at

different positions on the truck's frame.



Another component needed for the completion of the

project is the reassignment of project team members to the

next project and the rewarding of team members for their

role in the project.



Another component needed to complete the project

involves reassigning project team members to the next

project and rewarding them for their role in the project.



One example of the effects of such a lack of effective

strategies, project orientation, and interdepartmental

cooperation is our low morale.



For example, because we lack effective strategies, project

orientation, and interdepartmental cooperation, our morale

is low.



The emission requests cannot be accommodated at this

time because the emission inventory is neither sufficiently

advanced nor intended to allow for temporal variation or for

identification of a rationale for each occurrence of a high

emission rate and/or ambient concentrations.



At this time, the emission requests cannot be

accommodated because the emission inventory is not

sufficiently advanced and does not allow for temporal

variations. Moreover, the inventory does not permit

identifying the cause of each high emission rate and/or

ambient concentration.


Punctuation

A precision full-wave rectifier is constructed using precision

diodes and a square-wave generator is assembled using a

schmitt trigger.


Punctuation

A precision full-wave rectifier is constructed using precision

diodes, and a square-wave generator is assembled using a

schmitt trigger.


Punctuation

By participating more in scheduling release dates can be

planned so that projects dovetail.


Punctuation

By participating more in scheduling, release dates can be

planned so that projects dovetail.

Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication 1 of 43 Revising Sentences for Clarity ...

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