Whining wagnerwi jan2015

S t o p T h e W h i n i n g : How To Complain Effectively W i l d W i s c o n s i n W i n t e r W e b

Conference 2015 - January 22, 2014 with Pat Wagner – sieralearn.com

C o m p l a i n i n g E f f e c t i v e l y I s N o t t h e S a m e a s W h i n i n g

Stop the Whining: How To Complain Effectively Wild Wisconsin Winter Web Conference 2015 2

M e e t P a t •  Consultant and trainer for libraries since 1978 •  Speaker at ALA, PLA, LLAMA, MLA, AALL •  Frequent visitor to Wisconsin libraries •  Has survived her share of Wisconsin winters

•  Images: pixabay.com


Outcomes

Research and apply how decisions are made in your workplace Become more effective at solving problems Grow your reputation as a leader.


Agenda

•  Why Do People Whine •  How To Talk About the Problem •  Audit Your Own Behavior First •  Analyze The Issue •  Who Will Fix The Problem •  What Do They Need



W h y D o P e o p l e W h i n e ?

•  Other people are doing it. Whiny employees mimic the behavior of whiny supervisors, and vice versa! •  We don’t know how to ask for what we want. •  We want change without taking responsibility. •  We get attention and bonding.


•  We are putting off making a difficult decision. •  We want people and situations to change, but we don’t want to do anything differently. •  We feel helpless in the face of authority; we don’t believe people in power care.



W h i n i n g i s c o n t a g i o u s C a n i t s t o p w i t h y o u ?


H o w T o T a l k A b o u t t h e P r o b l e m

How We Make Things Worse

•  Exaggeration •  Escalation •  Embellishment •  Inaccuracy: not checking the facts •  Generalizations: oversimplification



R e d u c e t h e d r a m a

The Voice of Reason

•  Only repeat what is true •  Physical evidence •  Concrete descriptions Avoid adjectives and adverbs Avoid abstractions •  Numbers


Translation

•  She ignored me. •  The mayor hates libraries. •  No one likes the new collection policy. •  Everyone is upset about the change in hours. •  My experience means nothing to the board.


Translation

•  She did not speak to me. •  The city has a 10% shortfall •  I don’t like the new collection policy. •  I am upset about the change in hours. •  I might not get the promotion.



A u d i t Y o u r O w n B e h a v i o r F i r s t

Build Your Credibility

•  Trustworthy and reliable •  Self-starter and pro-active •  Low maintenance and even-tempered •  Hard-working and productive

What would you add?


Time To Be Quiet •  Is what you want to say: Productive Contributes to the solution Supports other people’s success Something you will never regret



A n a l y z e t h e I s s u e

Plan

•  Research •  Write it down •  Ask for real help •  Come up with multiple strategies


Mistakes

•  Don’t have the facts, just opinions and feelings •  No written plan, so ideas, decisions, and actions

are not nailed down: Flailing! •  Don’t ask for advice and help •  Don’t build a team •  Only relying on one strategy



W h o W i l l F i x t h e P r o b l e m

The Governance Game

•  Who gets to make decisions? •  What decisions do they get to make? •  How are decisions made? •  Who implements those decisions?

Do you know the “real” organizational chart?



T h e m y t h o f t h e c o m m i t t e e


W h a t D o T h e y N e e d


H o w d o y o u m a k e i t e a s y f o r t h e d e c i s i o n - m a k e r s t o y e s ?

Convince Me!

•  Empathy for my position •  What are my priorities? •  Who do I have to please? •  What are my selling points?


Selling Points

•  Money: fiscally conservative •  Status: influence in the community •  Reputation: state and national awards •  Stability: making no waves •  Fame: innovation and experimentation


N e x t S t e p s


Resources

•  Discipline without Punishment, Dick Grote •  Getting to Yes, Roger Fisher and William Ury •  How To Raise Your Self-Esteem, N. Branden •  Learned Optimism, Martin Seligman •  Don’t Shoot the Dog, Karen Pryor •  Becoming a Manager, Linda Hill


Contact

•  sieralearn.com •  [email protected] •  twitter: @pat2pattern and @sieralearnteach •  facebook: Pat Wagner •  LinkedIn: Pat Wagner •  Google+: Pat Wagner •  librarything.com: patternresearch


Whining wagnerwi jan2015

Education

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