The Combined Probus Club of Murray District (Inc.)

Western Australia

Murray

Magpie

December 2014

President: Ann Bevis 9547 7419

Vice-President: Adri Weggen 9537 7708

Past President: Brian Sydney-Smith 9537 8847

Secretary: Shirley Boyd 9537 7066

Treasurer: Roger Lloyd 9537 6175

Membership Gaye Lloyd 9537 6175

& Welfare: Jenny Armstrong 9537 7359

Programs: Lance Woodhead 9537 7135

Activities: Margaret Gallin 9537 7696

Interclub Liaisons

& Publicity: Christine Norman 9537 6543

Assets: Adri Weggen

Historian: Tom Hoffman 9537 6526

Behind the Scenes VIPs

Newsletter Editor: Sandy Bartle

Refreshments: Janice Rinaldi

Club email address: murrayprobus1999@gmail.com Website: http://murrayprobus.net

The December General Meeting was held at the

Ravenswood Hotel on Tuesday 9th December 2014.

There were 56 members present and two

special guests Abe Snabel & Tony Patterson.

Minutes of this meeting and a copy of the financial report

have been circulated to all members.

Please remember the club now has an email address which will be used by

the Secretary from now on. murrayprobus1999@gmail.com

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY

To the following members on the occasion of their birthdays

December

Judy Alexander

Elaine Aylmore

Raylee Dickson

George Ford

Murray Hayward

Brian Martin

Gwen Undy

Merv Roberts

January

Robert Boyne

Lindsay Downs

Neil Fitch

Patricia Moffat

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Congratulations to Jeannette & Geoff MacDonald who celebrated

their 53rd

Wedding Anniversary on the day of the meeting.

Presidential Ponderings

DECEMBER 2014

At last December is with us and Christmas not too far away, we have had

our last meeting for the year and 2015 is very close. As the Christmas shopping

gets very hectic for many people, spurred on no doubt by all the glossy advertising telling us

what will definitely bring you a happy Christmas and credit cards are maxed out, stress levels

rise. In our family for many years, shopping has become much less stressful for all concerned.

We started with a Kris Kringle, buying a good present for one person, this evolved to a small

present and a generous donation to a charity of that person’s choice. After a few years of

“rubbishy” gifts, it was a mutual decision for everyone to put in a certain amount of money and a

donation made to one charity. As we have 5 children, together with their partners, this is a

considerable sum. Over the years, we have bought goats, chickens, a well and such like for

Oxfam, helped an orphanage in Bali, a wildlife rescue centre in South Africa, among others, and

this year the Fred Hollows Foundation is the recipient. I know a lot of people are now doing this

type of Christmas giving and I recommend it to everybody. The grandchildren still receive a

gift, now they are teenagers, it is usually money.

Our Christmas this year will be slightly different as two of our daughters and husbands will

be away, two granddaughters are in Cambodia volunteering at a primary school, so a smaller

number will meet at our son’s place on Boxing Day. Christmas Day is left for their in-laws; this

stems from the years we spent in Mt Barker. Lloyd & I have a very quiet Christmas which is

nice. Let us hope the weather is nice and mild as it was last year.

So Lloyd and I wish you all a safe and happy time with your families and loved ones. I know

one family will have their three children all together for the first time in many years, and some

like ours, will have members away. So enjoy, have a Merry (not too merry) Christmas and

wonderful New Year.

We look forward to seeing you all in 2015.

Cheers

Ann

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It is with sadness that we note the passing this month of Peg Blair. Peg was a Member of our Probus Club from May 2002 until her resignation in May 2014.

We extend our sympathies to her family and friends. # # # # # # # #

# # #3to SOCIALLY SPEAKING

Just for us l

Probus Christmas Lunch

Our Christmas Lunch on November 26 was held at Pinjarra Pacing Club and went off very well.

We had 65 members attending and Father Christmas and his fairy helper made their annual visit

distributing gifts to everyone. The food was excellent and the set up of the tables made socialising

easy and, in true Probus fashion, the most was made of this opportunity. Lots of noise, lots of chatter

and a good time was had by all.

Our next social occasion is the traditional Australia Day get together.

Australia Day 26 January 2015. Can you believe it? 2015!!!

Venue: Home of Ernie Hogan.1 Roe Avenue, Pinjarra.

Time; 4pm.

Cost: $5 per head to cover cost of purchasing cooked chickens.

Names beginning with A-M please bring a salad. N-Z please bring dessert.

If your names are not already listed for attending please contact me.

Bunbury Cruise

Date: Wednesday 25 February 2015

Time: 11am to 2pm. for estuary & river cruise.

Cost: $35 per head

Tea/coffee/biscuits will be provided by operator.

We can take a picnic lunch to enjoy on board.

Car pooling has been suggested as the best means of transport.

I will provide a map with the address nearer the time.

Will need to have all names and payment at our first 2015 Probus meeting 10 February 2015.

Best wishes to all members for 2015. Margaret Gallin

Mobile; 0417948630

gallin@westnet.com.au

PAWA EVENTS FOR YOUR 2015 PROBUS DIARY

Event Venue Date

AGM 2015 Lake Karrinyup Country Club 30th Mar

Inform Day North Metro Lake Karrinyup Country Club 15th April

Inform Day South Metro RAAFA Estate Bull Creek 29th April

South West Inform Day Bunbury Lighthouse Resort 7th May

Great Southern Inform Day Albany Club 22nd May

New Presidents Lunch Metro TBA June

Membership Development Forum TBA July

Past Presidents Lunch Metro TBA August

Great Southern PP Lunch Albany Restaurant 15th September

General Meeting TBA September

Have A Go Day Burswood 11th November

South West Get Together Mandurah 17th November

Editorial

This was supposed to be the Christmas Issue, but, unusually for me, I was not ready for Christmas.

After I got back from Adelaide, my daughter informed me that we were having the family Christmas

lunch on Saturday 20th as she and her husband were going to Brisbane to have Christmas with his

family. I knew that, but thought that we would celebrate our Christmas after they got back on the

27th. So I had 4 days to race around and get organised. Still reeling from that rush, I was then told

that my daughter in law was expecting us to go up to Perth again on Christmas Day for lunch also.

I love Christmas, but TWO so close together was a bit much. Families make Christmas but as my lot

are all grown up, it takes some of the fun out of it. However, the fun you can have with friends your

own age is priceless. I did manage to do my own Christmas entertaining down here and had several

lunches and dinners which were great. So HAPPY NEW YEAR to everyone.

See you all at the Australia Day party at Ernie’s and from 12th night there are only 353 days to

Christmas. (There you go, 11 mentions of Christmas in one paragraph, that’s all folks)

Sandy

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A GLASS OF WINE BEFORE TURNING IN

A single glass at night could mean a peaceful, uninterrupted night's sleep. NEW Wine for

Seniors, I kid you not.....

Clare Valley vintners in South Australia, which primarily produce

Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir, and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that

acts as an anti-diuretic. It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to

make to the bathroom during the night.

The new wine will be marketed as PINO MORE

I HEARD IT THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE!!

Did You know????

Grandson of slaves, a boy was born in a poor neighbourhood of New Orleans, known as the “Back of

Town”. His father abandoned the family when the child was an infant. His mother became a

prostitute and the boy and his sister had to live with their grandmother. Early in life, he proved to be

gifted for music and, with three other kids, he sang in the streets of New Orleans and his first gains

were the coins that were thrown to them. A Jewish family, Karnofsky, who had immigrated from

Lithuania to the USA, had pity for the 7-year-old boy and brought him into their home, initially given

‘work’ in the house, to feed this hungry child. There he remained and slept in this Jewish family

where, for the first time in his life, he was treated with kindness and tenderness. When he went to

bed, Mrs Karnofsky sang him a Russian Lullaby that he would sing with her. Leter, he learned to sing

and play several Russian and Jewish songs. Over time, this boy became the adopted son of this

family. The Karnofskys gave him money to buy his first trumpet as they sincerely admired his

musical talent. Later, when he became a professional musician and composer, he used these Jewish

melodies in compositions, such as St. James Infirmary and Go down, Moses. The little black boy

grew up and wrote a book about this Jewish family who had adopted him in 1907. In memory of this

family and until the end of his life, he wore a star of David and he said that it is in this family that he

had learned “how to live real life and determination.” His name was Louis Armstrong.

What a Wonderful World!

How many of you managed to solve the Brain Teasers?

I only heard of one person who tried.

This month’s offering;

Brain Teasers

A woman has to cut a roll of ribbon into one metre lengths. If it takes her two

seconds to measure and cut a length and the whole roll is fifty metres long, how

long will it take her to do it?

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If it rained for forty days and forty nights and the animals entered in pairs at a

rate of thirty pairs per day, how many days did it take Moses to get all three

hundred and sixty animals onto the Ark?

# # # # # # # #

Two Scrabble players played five games of Scrabble. Each won and lost the

same numbers of games and there were no draws. How is this possible? # # # # # # # #

Answers to last month’s teasers You enter a deserted house late at night. Inside there is an oil lamp, a gas fire and a stove full

of wood. You have only one match however, so which should you light first?

The Match!!! # # # # # # # #

Five men were travelling along a lane. It began to rain. Four of the men quickened their step

and got wet. The fifth man did not quicken his step but remained quite dry. He did not have an

umbrella or a hat. How can this be?

The four men were pall bearers and the fifth was the corpse in the coffin!!!

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If an average hen’s egg is 5 cm long and weights 300grams, and an average peacock’s egg is

exactly twice the length and 2.5 times the weight, which has the greater circumference?

Peacocks do not lay eggs!!! # # # # # # # #

How many grooves are there on a long playing record, 30cm in diameter, with a 10cm label in the

centre and a 1 cm margin on the outside?

Two – one on each side!!! # # # # # # # #

The editor has had a complaint about the jokes in the magazine being biased in favour of the female. However, the same anonymous gentleman came up with

the theory that lawn sprinklers are of the female gender because they go round and round in circles and never get anywhere. Thanks for that!

# # # # # # # #

A TOUGH OLD COWBOY FROM SOUTH TEXAS COUNSELLED HIS GRANDDAUGHTER THAT IF SHE WANTED TO LIVE A LONG LIFE, THE SECRET WAS TO SPRINKLE A PINCH OF GUN POWDER ON HER OATMEAL EVERY MORNING. THE GRANDDAUGHTER DID THIS RELIGIOUSLY TO THE AGE OF 103 WHEN SHE DIED. SHE LEFT BEHIND 14 CHILDREN, 30 GRANDCHILDREN, 45 GREAT-GRANDCHILDREN, 25 GREAT-GREAT-GRANDCHILDREN,,,,,,,,,,

AND A GREAT BIG 15-FOOT HOLE WHERE THE CREMATORIUM USED TO BE.

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Two Irishmen looking through a mail order catalogue.

Paddy says:- 'look at these gorgeous women! The prices are reasonable too'.

Mick agrees:- 'I'm ordering one right now'.

3 weeks later Paddy says to Mick:- 'has your woman turned up yet?'

'no' said Mick 'but it shouldn't be long now though. Her clothes arrived yesterday'!!

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WHY???? You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the

whole plane out of that stuff??

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in our driveways and put our useless junk

in the garage?

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

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Husbands are husbands A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan. 'What was that for?' the man asked. The wife replied 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket'... The man then said 'When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on' the wife apologized and went on with the housework... Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again. Wife replied... 'Your horse phoned'

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'Twas the night before Christmas; there wasn't a sound.

Not a possum was stirring; no-one was around.

We'd left on the table some tucker and beer,

Hoping that Santa Claus soon would be here;

We children were snuggled up safe in our beds,

While dreams of pavlova danced 'round in our heads;

And Mum in her nightie, and Dad in his shorts,

Had just settled down to watch TV sports.

When outside the house a mad ruckus arose;

Loud squeaking and banging woke us from our doze.

We ran to the screen door, peeked cautiously out,

Snuck onto the deck, then let out a shout.

Guess what had woken us up from our snooze,

But a rusty old Ute pulled by eight mighty 'roos.

The cheerful man driving was giggling with glee,

And we both knew at once who this plump bloke must be.

Now, I'm telling the truth it's all dinki-di,

Those eight kangaroos fairly soared through the sky.

Santa leaned out the window to pull at the reins,

And encouraged the 'roos, by calling their names.

'Now, Kylie! Now, Kirsty! Now, Shazza and Shane!

On Kipper! On, Skipper! On, Bazza and Wayne!

Park up on that water tank. Grab a quick drink,

I'll scoot down the gum tree. Be back in a wink!'

So up to the tank those eight kangaroos flew,

With the Ute full of toys, and Santa Claus too.

He slid down the gum tree and jumped to the ground,

Then in through the window he sprang with a bound.

He had bright sunburned cheeks and a milky white beard.

A jolly old joker was how he appeared.

He wore red stubby shorts and old thongs on his feet,

And a hat of deep crimson as shade from the heat.

His eyes - bright as opals - Oh! How they twinkled!

And, like a goanna, his skin was quite wrinkled!

His shirt was stretched over a round bulging belly

Which shook when he moved, like a plate full of jelly.

A fat stack of prezzies he flung from his back,

And he looked like a swaggie unfastening his pack.

He spoke not a word, but bent down on one knee,

To position our goodies beneath the yule tree.

Surfboard and footy-ball shapes for us two.

And for Dad, tongs to use on the new barbeque.

A mysterious package he left for our Mum,

Then he turned and he winked and he held up his thumb;

He strolled out on deck and his 'roos came on cue;

Flung his sack in the back and prepared to shoot through.

He bellowed out loud as they swooped past the gates-

MERRY CHRISTMAS to all, and goodonya, MATES!'

"Life" is a gift to you. The way you live your life is your gift to those who come after.

Make it a fantastic one.

LIVE IT WELL! ENJOY TODAY! DO SOMETHING FUN! BE HAPPY! HAVE A GREAT DAY! Remember "It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.

LIVE HAPPY IN "15" and, CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING:

TODAY IS THE OLDEST YOU'VE EVER BEEN, YET THE YOUNGEST YOU'LL EVER BE

SO - ENJOY THIS DAY WHILE IT LASTS.

~Going out is good.. Coming home is better!

~You forget names.... But it's OK because other people forgot they even knew you!!!

~You realize you're never going to be really good at anything.... especially 'BOWLS' ~The things you used to care to do, you no longer care to do,

but you really do care that you don't care to do them anymore.

~You sleep better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than in bed. It's called "pre-

sleep".

~You miss the days when everything worked with just an "ON" and "OFF" switch..

~You tend to use more 4 letter words ... "what?"..."when?"... ???

~Now that you can afford expensive jewelry, you don't go anywhere to wear it.

~You notice everything they sell in stores is "sleeveless"?!!!

~What used to be freckles are now liver spots and it seems everybody whispers.

~You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet.... 2 of which you will never wear.

~But Old is good in some things: Old Songs, Old movies, and best of all,

OLD FRIENDS!!

It's Not What You Gather,

But What You Scatter That Tells

What Kind Of Life You Have Lived.

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Heart Attacks. The Chinese and Japanese drink hot tea with their meals, not cold water, maybe it is time we adopted their drinking habits while eating. For those who like to drink cold water, this article is applicable to you. It is nice to have a cup of cold drink after a meal. However, the cold water will solidify any oily stuff that you have just consumed. It will slow down the digestion. Once this 'sludge' reacts with stomach acid, it will break down and be absorbed by theintestine faster than the solid food. It will line the intestine. Very soon, this will turn into fats and may lead to cancer or heart failure. It is best to drink hot soup or warm water after a meal.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

Learn from BARCODES

PLEASE NOTE - if you love Australian produce and the thought of keeping jobs here, AND you

like to eat healthy foods and buy quality products, then please read on.

Please also note the Australian barcode prefix is 93.

DANGEROUS IMPORTED FOODS There are no food inspection regulations of foods grown or processed in China , Vietnam , Hong

Kong or Thailand .

Other world countries are scared of China making 'black hearted goods’, but can you differentiate

which one is made in Australia, the USA, Philippines, Taiwan or China ? For your Information ... the

first 3 digits of the barcode is the country code where-in the product was made.

Example: all barcodes that start with 690; 691 through to 695 are all MADE IN CHINA.

A Current Affair [Aust] did a doco on frozen vegetables imported from New Zealand. As it turns out, if

it is a Coles or Woollies home brand there is a more than good chance that the product has come from

China ... Products made by McCain’s, Birdseye and other supposed reputable companies from New

Zealand are now purchasing vegie products from China and selling that product under their name.

Basically check where it is produced by the comments on the back of the pack and if it says produced from

New Zealand and Imported product it has Chinese vegies in it.

This is our right to know, but our governments and related departments never educate the public,

therefore we have to RESCUE OURSELVES. Nowadays, Chinese businessmen know that

consumers do not prefer products 'made in china', so they don't show from which country it is

made. However, you may now refer to the barcode. Remember, if the first 3 digits are 690

through to 695, then it is Made in China .. Don't forget, Hong Kong is now China , too. 00 ~ 13 USA & CANADA

30 ~ 37 FRANCE

40 ~ 44 GERMANY

4 71 ~ TAIWAN

49 ~ JAPAN

50 ~ UK

57 ~ Denmark

64 ~ Finland

76 ~ Switzerland and Liechtenstein

93 ~ Australia

94 ~ New Zealand

628 ~ S au di-Arabian

629 ~ United Arab Emirates

690 ~695 China

740 ~ 745 - Central America

All 480 Codes are Made in the Philippines.. DO NOT BUY FOOD PROCESSED IN CHINA , HONG KONG , VIETNAM or THAILAND

!!! Remember, there are no food inspection regulations!!!

WATCH WHAT YOU BUY. ESPECIALLY 'HIGHLINER' FISH PRODUCTS; all come from

China , even though the box says 'product of Canada ', it is from China and 'processed' in Canada

that is, only the coating is added and packaged in Canada. The fish are raised in pens using

chemicals that are banned in Canada as cancer causing but legal in China.

This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording

monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for 'Termination without Cause'.

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'

Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'

Operator: 'What sort of trouble??' Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'

Operator: 'Went away?' Caller: 'They disappeared.'

Operator: 'Hmm So what does your screen look like now?' Caller: 'Nothing.'

Operator: 'Nothing??'

Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.' Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'

Caller: 'How do I tell?' Operator: 'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??'

Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'

Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?' Caller: 'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'

Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??' Caller: 'What's a monitor?'

Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??'

Caller: 'I don't know.'

Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'

Caller: 'Yes, I think so.' Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.

Caller: 'Yes, it is.'

Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??'

Caller: 'No.' Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'

Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'

Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.' Caller: 'I can't reach.'

Operator: 'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??' Caller: 'No.'

Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??' Caller: 'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.'

Operator: 'Dark??'

Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window. ' Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'

Caller: 'I can't.' Operator: 'No? Why not??'

Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'

Operator: 'A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??'

Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.' Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when

you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.' Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'

Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'

Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??' Operator: 'Tell them you're too b-----y stupid to own a computer!!!!!'

KITCHEN KAPERS

A BIT LATE FOR THE FESTIVE SEASON, BUT TRY IT FOR SUNDAY LUNCH!!!

Great recipe for the Xmas chook

Here is a chicken recipe that also includes the use of popcorn as a stuffing - imagine that. When I

found this recipe, I thought it was perfect for people like me, who are not sure how to tell when

poultry is thoroughly cooked, but not dried out. Give this a try.

1 chicken

1 cup melted butter

1 cup stuffing

1 cup uncooked popcorn

salt/pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 200 degrees.

Brush chicken well with melted butter salt and pepper.

Fill cavity with stuffing mixed with popcorn.

Place in baking pan with the neck end toward the back of the oven.

Listen for the popping sounds. When the chicken's bum blows the oven door open and the chicken

flies across the room and lands on the table, it's done and ready to eat!

How easy is that?!

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TURKEY LEFTOVER SUGGESTION

Turkey & Avocado Wraps

350gm cooked turkey 1 tsp chilli powder

1 tspn ground cumin 2 tbs sunflower oil

8 tbs mayonnaise 2 tspn wholegrain mustard

1 avocado, peeled and chopped 1 lime, juice only

¼ cucumber, sliced 8 cherry tomatoes, halved

8 soft flour tortillas, warmed

Cut the meat into strips or small pieces and toss with the chilli powder and cumin until

coated. Heat the oil in the pan and stir-fry the turkey over a medium heat until cooked

through. In a small bowl, mix the mayonnaise and mustard together. Toss the avocado with

the lime juice. Put the avocado, sliced cucumber, halved tomatoes and hot turkey on a

serving platter or in separate bowls and the warmed tortillas on a board. Top the tortillas with

a selection of ingredients, spoon over the mayonnaise and roll up the tortillas.

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2015