Well Being Alignment

7/31/2019 Well Being Alignment

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Emotional Pain To Heal It You Need to Acknowledge It

Acknowledging emotional pain may seem like an obvious step in the healing process that everyone is

already doing. If youre in pain, you already know it, right? Not always. Many of us have a surprising

amount of emotional trauma in our energy field that lies below our conscious awareness. In some cases

we might be aware of some of the symptoms of an energetic wound within us, but we are unconscious

of its deeper CAUSE a core place of constriction where Life Force is blocked. The effects of this

blockage can range from uncomfortable feelings of mild emotional pain at one end of the spectrum to

severely debilitating physical and/or mental dis-ease at the more serious end of the spectrum.

It is common for us to become practiced at denial of emotional pain in order to function in our lives.

Unconsciously we have learned how to keep the pain at bay so we can do our daily lives with some

kind of balance. Often, the energetic imbalance within us actually causes us to create more imbalance as

an attempt to gain equilibrium. And our only awareness of this might be a sense of feeling off or living

our lives with limited inner resources, constantly looking for something outside ourselves to fix us.

In order to heal emotional pain, we need to invite it up into our conscious awareness. We need to care

enough about ourselves to spend time with ourselves, looking within and truly BEING with ourselves.

Doing this we find an infinite Source of emotional support and wellbeing that is always available to us

from within.

Shame Is At the Core Of All Wounds

Emotional pain is a gateway into an energy wound. So-called negative emotions are flags to let us

know when something needs to be healed and/or released from within. Our feelings give us our most

direct access into the center of an energy constriction. Zeroing in on our feelings help us consciously get

right to the core, the root cause of all pains/wounds physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, or psychic.

At the core of all wounds is a thought / belief that we are not good enough, that we are bad, that weve

done something wrong. This thought seed usually gets planted in us as children when our energy fields

are wide open and we are scolded for doing something or being a certain way. This generally comes

about from innocently rocking the boat of a caregiver and unconsciously triggering their unhealed

wounds, which then gets projected out onto us. (See The Superego Breaking Free of a False God.)

Most ofus were conditioned to believe that it isnt okay to feel our feelings, especially the really strong

emotions that threatened our caregivers world when we expressed them. So, sometimes unconsciouslyand with good intentions, they did whatever they could to influence us to bury the feelings.

Then, as young children we carried this belief seed of not good enough / bad / did something wrong

and usually another reprimanding event occurred that caused the belief seed to take root and grow.


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Each time we were reprimanded and made wrong for being who we were, the I am bad thought was

rethought and eventually became a belief.

The Core Wound In Emotional Pain Becomes Unconscious

As we moved through childhood, adolescence and into adulthood, a self-preservation component of our

psyche pushed this debilitating belief down into the subconscious. This part of us was driven by the

instinct to do whatever we could to survive as best we could under challenging circumstances, including

turning away from the emotional pain and denying even to ourselves that it existed. Unfortunately,

even though the I am bad belief may now be unconscious, the energy of it still operates in our lives,

sabotaging our self-empowerment, fulfillment, joy and wellbeing.

Some of us have had the experience of feeling emotionally frozen or cut off from our feelings. Weknow we feel SOMETHING but the feelings themselves are murky and indefinable. Again, this is the act

of a part of us that tries to take care of us in the only way it knows howto freeze up the emotions in

order to protect us from the intolerable emotional pain of the shame and powerlessness we feel when

we think we are bad at the core. In the whole spectrum of human emotions, this is the feeling that is

absolutely the most painful.

Consequently, as we go about our lives, we may be aware of a vague feeling in the background that

ranges anywhere from uncomfortable to intolerable emotional pain and suffering, without even having

a word to describe or define it.

In this case, it takes practice to allow ourselves to actually feel what is really going on inside to give

PERMISSION to ourselves to feel it.

The Core Belief Needs To Be Seen As False

The essential realization that we all eventually come to in our healing is that the core belief of being

inherently bad and having done something wrong is COMPLETELY untrue. Here is the truth:

Youve never been bad. Neither has anyone else. We all carry all the attributes of pure divinity of Source

itself! In our essence we are the highest vibration of light and love.

Likewise, youve never done anything wrong. Neither has anyone else. Everything that anyone has ever

done has always been an attempt to take care of themselves with whatever inner resources they had at

the time.


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This might be hard to take in because we are conditioned to make ourselves and each other wrong. To

heal, we must learn to see ourselves and each other from the eyes of Source.

And how does Source see us? With unlimited, unconditional love. It sees us as sparks of Itself who have

come to this plane to go through experiences, make mistakes and learn from them. In each experience

we have the choice to let go into love and learn to trust it or to contract and cause ourselves misery.

Depending on how we do in each circumstance, we create the next set of circumstances. ALL of it is

part of the larger curriculum of our Evolution to awaken to our Divinity.And there is no judgment in

any of it. There is only learning and love, learning and love

Retracing Our Steps And Bringing Truth To The Untruth

Emotional wounds are the energetic cause of all other wounds and dis-eases. To heal ANY wound, we

need to retrace our steps back into ourselves. We need to become CONSCIOUS of the belief that we are

bad that is running the whole show of suffering, and the immense shame and feelings ofpowerlessness that result from that false belief.

It is very important to not make ourselves wrong for having this bad belief, which only adds another

layer of shame. The more you check this out, youll see the subtle ways this belief can show itself. It can

even try to co-opt the healing process by making you wrong or bad for not healing fast enough! Or not

doing it the right way, etc.

Once we acknowledge and are conscious of emotional pain, the next step is to call in love from Source.

We can also use self-inquiry (See questions below) to ask to be shown the truth so we can see for

ourselves that we are inherently good.

As we become conscious and aware of the falseness of the belief we've held about being "bad," we start

to see and EXPERIENCE for the very first time! the truth of our goodness. At this point, emotional

pain begins to unwind organically, automatically.

When we experience the reality of our goodness, a change in consciousness happens and miracles of

healing occur. We see that the core belief of being bad was just a misunderstanding that grew out of

an untrue thought that we believed as a result of the things that happened to us.and then the day

came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.Anais Nin

Emerging Into A Larger Energy Field

As the untruth is met by the truth consciously within you, your energy field begins to vibrate at a higher

frequency of love and wellbeing. You extend out and beyond the vibration of the old emotional pain.

This is very much like the metaphor of thinking outside the box. If you think of the problem as being

contained within a box, you cant solve the problem by only looking within the box. You need to expand

out beyond the box of the problem to find the solution.In the same way, we need to expand out beyond

the limited energy field of our wounds in order to lift our vibrations to a higher field and heal the

emotional trauma.


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The only way to do this is to consciously call in and align ourselves with a larger, higher vibration of

energy Source, God, Love, Higher Power (Insert the word you know It by.). This acts like a vibrational

tuning fork, tuning us into higher, purer frequencies of energy. The old wounds and emotional pain are

out of sync with this higher vibration of energy and fall away. This can immensely shorten the grief

process that is sometimes involved in healing emotional pain.

Without Conscious Acknowledgment Of Emotional Pain Only Symptoms Are Treated

To recap, the first step for healing emotional pain is awareness, then consciously bringing a higher

energy to the wound the truth of unconditional love, compassion and forgiveness to the untruth of

being separate and bad. Then the natural outcome is a change in consciousness, a broadening and

deepening of awareness, and the wound organically begins to release by itself.

Until we become conscious of the wound, we can use all kinds of healing practices that can help us get

relief from the symptoms of the emotional pain, but until we acknowledge the core emotional trauma,

the symptoms will spring up again.

The core seed of the emotional pain needs to be gently exposed with loving compassion, and then

touched by the realization of the truth that we are good and have always been good. THEN the wound is

totally released roots and all from our energy field.

Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart. Love the questions themselves as if they were

locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. The point is, to live everything. Live the

questions now. Perhaps, someday, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the

answer. Rilke, from Letters To A Young Poet

When Youve Had Enough

It takes courage to turn inward and get investigatively honest about what you are really feeling and

acknowledge your emotional pain. Usually this doesnt happen to us until we finally decide weve

suffered enough. If you have found yourself here and are reading this, then you are at that point the

threshold into healing. I greet you with love and understanding. I acknowledge and celebrate your

couragethe part of you that has said Enough suffering. Im ready to heal now.

How Can We Learn To Feel What We Really Feel?

First of all, call in the larger energy field of your Source, of Higher Power. If youre not able to feel that

yet, thats okay. Just call on love. Invite love to join you in your emotional pain healing. You dont need

to know what love is or where it comes from, or even be able to feel it yet in order to access it. All youneed to do is to sincerely call on it and it will be here for you.

When you become aware that you feel off emotionally, allow yourself time and space to investigate

your feelings.

Take some quiet, undistracted time to open your awareness to this part of yourself, and shine a light

into the corners of your being that have been shielded by denial.


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Use the power of your words.

Your words, whether aloud or silent, focus and align your energy in specific directions. Asking inner

questions focuses your attention on the answers and calls forth the corresponding material up and out

of the unconscious.

Below are some examples of questions that are helpful to ask. You can use them if they feel right for

you. If not, experiment and find just the right words that are effective for you in investigating your

emotional pain.

O *Love+, I pray that you break my heart so wide open that the whole world falls in.

Mother Theresa

Be patient with this process of becoming aware of your feelings. If you dont get immediate results, pick

just one question and carry it with you as your companion for a day, gently asking it inside whenever

you think of it. Your willingness to do this consistently will gently open your consciousness to aspects of

yourself youve never been aware of before.

It might also be helpful to write out the answers to these questions. Sometimes writing frees up parts of

your consciousness in ways that speaking cant get to.

You can also ask a trusted friend or counselor to meet with you for an hour or two. Ask for an

uninterrupted span of their attention where you can explore your answers to these questions aloud,

with them simply listening. If you decide to do this, it is important that you choose someone who will

not judge you in any way. You can trade time and reverse roles with them on another occasion.

Get curious about your feelings. Ask yourself questions.

Remember to first ask Source for a cushion of love and courage to face areas that have been protected

by denial. Take one question at a time and let the energy of the question sink in and do its work in

helping you become aware of emotional pain.

What am I feeling?

Why am I angry / upset / sad?

Why am I feeling the need to defend myself?

What am I afraid of?

What do I feel guilty about?

What part of me most needs my compassion, love and attention right now?

Why have I denied what I feel?

What have I not been willing to see?


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Invite and watch for responses to your questions.

We all have unique predispositions. Some of us are more physically oriented, while others are more

mentally or emotionally oriented. You may experience your first awareness of emotional pain as an

uncomfortable physical sensation, such as tightness. Or it could be mental confusion and obsession

about a subject. Or you could feel emotionally overwhelmed, like being pulled into a tidal wave that hasyou spinning and not knowing which end is up.

You may be able to determine the quality of the feeling as rage, sadness, despair, etc. If not, thats okay.

Give the feeling / sensation permission to be here within you fully, whether you can describe or define it

or not. Make no judgments about yourself or your process. You cant do this wrong. Just go with

whatever you are aware of and congratulate yourself for your courage and determination to heal.

Look for even the tiniest sensation of discomfort. Often this is a mild awareness of tightness. If you keep

bringing your attention back to the tightness and give it permission to show itself, your awareness of it

will increase. In some cases the beginning signs of tightness are later experienced as sharp pain or as a

tight constriction as you stay with this process.

Remember to stay with yourself as you do this. Talk to yourself:

Show me where emotional pain is located in my being.

I open all channels to love here, right now. I am willing to feel this, to heal it.

Remind yourself that anything that youre feeling is here for a valid, real reason.

As you begin to experience your emotional pain, remind yourself that there is nothing wrong with you

for having this wound. Even if your current experience was triggered by something in present time, the

root of it is there because there was something that happened to you in the past that caused real,

genuine pain. Therefore, it is normal, natural and HEALTHY for you to feel whatever it is that you feel.

Because there wasnt enough love and emotional support present at the time of the original wounding,

it remained unhealed and the energy curled in around itself, like a fist. There is no judgment in this. Your

psyche did the best it could with the resources it had at the time. As a young child you depended

entirely on your caregivers and didnt have the maturity to discern that their upset was about THEM and

not you.

All this emotional trauma needs is loving attention and self forgiveness to be touched with loving

compassion without trying to fix or change it. In the original situation where you were wounded, thetendency was to make a conclusion from itI was punished because I was bad. I did something wrong.

There is something wrong with me and that is why Mom is so upset.

That part of you needs to know that you didnt do anything wrong, you werent bad, and there was / is

nothing wrong with you. I cant say these words enough. They need to be repeated to all of us until we

actually hear them and take them to heart, literally.


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Whatever you did, if anything at all, was the best you could do at the time, given where you were in

your spiritual evolution and the intensity of the circumstances you found yourself in.Keep talking to and

encouraging yourself. Practice being a source of your own emotional support.

I acknowledge that this emotional pain is here. I admit that it is here.

I am not wrong for feeling this, for having this feeling. I forgive myself for having this wound. I breathe in

loving compassion and forgiveness.

I open all doors to love.

I am willing to feel this because I know Love / God / Source / Higher Power is here with me.

The key to getting inside your Vibrational Vortex of Creation; of experiencing the absolute absence of

resistance; of achieving complete alignment with all that you have become and all that you desire, and f

bringing to your physical experience everything that you desire is being in the state of appreciation

and there is no more important object of attention to which you must flow your appreciation than that

of self.Abraham Hicks, Excerpted from The Vortex, Where the Law of Attraction Assembles All

Cooperative Relationships

Dont try to interpret or judge the feeling.

You dont need to figure out or decide what something means, whether it is something someone said or

did or something you said or did, or a feeling youre becoming aware of. Mental analysis diverts you off

track and into the mind, which wont be useful in acknowledging the emotional pain. Remember, our

intention here is to acknowledge and feel the FEELING.

Just be with the feeling itself and give up fixing yourself.

In order to do this, you need to be willing to BE with yourself, to turn your attention inward. This is

about being with yourself and loving and accepting yourself, AS YOU ARE.

As you go about your daily life, notice what triggers you emotionally.

When you notice you feel off, trace it back. Look back in your memory for the moment you first

started feeling off. Perhaps there was an event or something someone else said or did that caused an

uncomfortable response within you. That event is mirroring a wound in your energy field. Once you

pinpoint the event then ask the questions above to get at what youre feeling.

Notice the tendency to resist what youre feeling and / or to make someone else responsible for it.

If you notice yourself doing this, first of all forgive yourself. Most of our conditioning tells us to resist and

blame, and it takes practice to become aware of that tendency and decline to follow it. Once we are

able to forgive ourselves, it is much easier to forgive someone else. It also helps to realize that other

people in our lives are just mirroring whatever we have in our own energy fields.No need to get hung up

on the past.No matter what arises, allow and encourage it to come forth. As best you can, stay with the


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feelings and not the story of what happened in the past. The story will divert you into the mind and

remember, your access to the core wound is via the FEELINGS. Just gently bring your attention back to

the above questions.

More ways to become aware of pain:

Make a list of experiences you feel shame about and ask the questions above. Use your words to bring

the memories up from the subconscious:

What events in my life do I feel shame about?

Look through family picture albums and notice what you feel.

Pretend you are about to die Who do you have unfinished business with? What do you feel when you

think of this person?

Your Rewards

Once youve consciously acknowledged your pain and suffering you have taken a big step toward

healing it. Remember to keep your channel to Source open as you experiment with the suggestions

above. The unconditional love and the wound coming together, simultaneously occupying the same

space at the same time, is what creates the alchemy of healing. Ive seen some amazing miracles happen

from this simple process!

Keep calling in Love to this place inside you and gently talk to this part of yourself. Let yourself know you

SEE you. Let yourself know that you see that you never did anything wrong and that you know that you

always did the best you could with what you had to work with at the time. Bring patience, sensitivity and

kindness to this part of yourself. You will release your emotional pain and develop a sweet intimacy with

yourself as well as with your Higher Power the Source of all healing!

HOW TO OVERCOME FEAR

One of the biggest questions Ive had in this lifetime is how to overcome fear. Also, in working with

people in WellBeing Alignment Sessions this subject comes up again and again. Recently, during a week

of absolute terror, Life gave me an up-close and personal "tutorial" in what causes fear and what our

deepest fear comes from.

Most Fear Is Not Caused By Outer Circumstances

One of the things that challenges us as we begin to learn how to overcome fear, is the fact that we are

conditioned to think that we are victims of circumstances. We must realize that this is simply not true.

The only real outer cause for fear that we experience is when the body produces a cellular fear, like

when you hear a loud noise, are in danger of falling, or a locomotive is rushing its way toward you.


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Our Deepest Fear Is Caused By The Thoughts We Think

If we are facing fear and it isnt the cellular fear described above, we are holding a judgment, opinion or

a label about someone else, ourselves, or a situation. We are holding a fixed thought in mind about a

subject that we accept as reality and then react to. And this we can change! Stay with me here and well

talk about how to do that.

When We Hold Onto Opinions Or Judgments We Edge God Out

When we have a judgmental thought and believe it, we become the god of our universe. We are

right and decide the truth of how things are or should be. Consequently, weve edged God / Source

out of the picture. "Ego" is an acronym for edging God out. In effect, we have seemingly separated

ourselves from God. It is actually impossible to separate from God, but ego has been convincing us to

believe we are a separate ego for eons.

What is the natural result of edging God out? Fear. Terror. Suspicion. Resentment. Vengeance. The ego

thinks it has messed with God, big time, and is terrified its going to be punished. Then it mobilizes itsdefenses and prepares to defend itself against attack, which is only happening within the illusion of ego

mind.

The result is that we are flooded with emotional and physical negativity. Until we decide to learn how to

overcome fear, we usually dont connect the cause (our judgments and opinions) with the effects (fear

and negative emotions) in our conscious mind; it is all happening beneath our conscious awareness.

As Long As We Think We Are A Body, We Suffer

In the process of learning how to overcome fear, if we believe that our reality is that we are a separate

body, interacting with other separate bodies, and that this dream we all seem to be living in is our onetrue reality, we will still be facing fear and the whole gamut of negative emotions. This is because weve

chosen to live our lives as a separate ego, edging God out.Ego is just an illusion that believes it is real,

but separate from God, and is therefore miserable! Consequently, when the ego continues to run

unchecked by our conscious awareness, it fosters negative energies that range anywhere from

suspicious to vicious.

To Learn How To Overcome Fear, Switch Allegiance From The Problem To The Solution

Not only fear, but any negative emotion, is caused by holding judgments, opinions, grievances,

resentments, expectations and the like. The uncomfortable emotion we feel is a signal to us that our

thinking is out of alignment with Source and wellbeing. It is actually helping us to learn how to overcome

fear. If we continue to stay out of alignment, the emotional distress trickles down into our physical body

and eventually becomes physical dis-ease and suffering. All thought produces form, either as outer

circumstances or as physical ailments.

As were learning how to overcome fear, at those times when negative emotions come up so strongly

and so uncontrollably, we need to be willing to stop the train of thought. Yes, decide to just stop it. At


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the first thought, before the thought train builds, You can declare to yourself: Stop! Im not interested

in my opinions, judgments and labels anymore. Im much more interested in peace and harmony.

We need to decide that our peace is more important to us than being right. We need to turn our

attention back to love and remember that we are with God / Source, right now, in this very moment,

and have never been separate from God. We are a thought within our Source and therefore we live INSource, now and forever.

Source Cant Remove Fear From Us Until We Release The Cause

When we choose to live life from ego, edging God out, we are locked into its thought system of

separation and pain. Since there is a cause and effect relationship (judgments being the cause and fear

being the effect), unless we release our judgments, and thereby leave the world of ego and enter

consciously into our true Reality with Source, we just keep creating more fear whether we realize it or

not. So even though we may be praying to God to show us how to overcome fear, if were holding onto

any kind of a judgment, label or negative opinion about a situation, we keep ourselves locked in fear.

Most Of Our Judgments And Resistance Are In Our Subconscious Mind

As we learn how to overcome fear, on the surface we may be aware of feeling off or at odds with

ourselves or the world, but without a clear sense of why that is. This is because most of the beliefs and

thoughts that seem to separate us from love and Source exist within our subconscious mind. It is the

subconscious mind that projects all of its un-healed energies out into the dream of the world, which

creates the circumstances of our lives.

As Gary Renard (A Course In Miracles Teacher) said in a recent talk: The whole universe isnt being

done TO you, its being done BY you.

If The Cause Of Most Fear Is Unconscious, How Can We Heal It?

During my week of terror, I was highly motivated to learn how to overcome fear and get back into

alignment with Source and wellbeing. I focused my attention on searching out opinions, judgments,

expectations, and labels about myself, others and circumstances. And wow, was I ever amazed at how

much there was!

I had such a habit of letting negative thoughts creep in and take root, that I realized I needed to make a

daily commitment to peace. And then I discovered that that wasnt enough. I need to commit to

releasing negative thoughts all day long, literally hundreds of times. Learning how to overcome fear is an

ongoing process.

And, it works! I began to feel relief the first day I got serious about coming back into alignment with

Source and wellbeing. Not only that, the first day I devoted myself to taking responsibility for my

thoughts and letting go of judgment, the outer circumstances that I THOUGHT were creating my terror

changed. Form always follows thought. Peaceful thoughts bring peaceful circumstances.


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As I continue to do this practice, Im experiencing a greater expansion of light than I ever have before.

Now, when fear arises, I search to see what judgment or opinion Im hanging onto and I stop edging

God out and release the judgment. The fear is released right along with it.

I highly recommend this practice!

Daily Commitment Is Essential For Overcoming Fear And Negative Emotions

To learn how to overcome fear, every day we can make a commitment to

At any moment, you have a choice, that either leads you closer to your spirit or further away from it.

Thich Nhat Hanh

be a loving, compassionate Presence. Even if we dont know how to do this, we can commit to it,

which opens up a channel to the Divine Mind we share with God and each other, enabling us to access

the infinite light and love that is here.

be willing to take responsibility for all of our thoughts. The key here is willingness. After lifetimes of

unconscious habits of negative thinking, we wont do this perfectly, especially at first. But our

willingness aligns our energy with the Divine and IT does the healing for us. When we experience the

resulting love and light, our willingness to continue taking responsibility for our thoughts automatically

increases.

release all our judgments, opinions, resentments, grievances, expectations, and labels, and offer them

to Spirit for healing. Let them go. Choose peace for yourself and everyone else. Remember, we all share

the same mind. If Im indulging a negative thought storm, it will affect ALL of us.

say Stop! Im not interested in my opinions any more. Im much more interested in peace, at the

first sight of a thought whose goal is separation rather than peace and unity. This way we can catch it

before the negative thoughts multiply and drench us with negativity.

take a few moments each hour of the day to look inside for a negative judgment or opinion about

someone or something and offer it up to Spirit for healing.

be compassionate with ourselves and each other when we fail to do these things. We can just keep

coming back to our willingness and let Source do the rest. Every moment is a new opportunity!

Willingness Is Really All It Takes

When weve edged God out and ego has set up shop as the authority in our lives, anything that busts

open the illusion of ego and brings the truth and light in can be met with a lot of resistance from ego. As

we're learning to overcome fear, there really are only two choices that we have in every moment. We

can choose fear, which is the realm of the ego, or we can choose love, which is our true Reality with

Source.


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Deciding what we really want fear or love is the first step in dealing with our egoic resistance. Then

once weve chosen, we need to keep reaffirming our willingness to end suffering once and for all. We

need to devote ourselves to peace to develop a new habit of becoming aware of our thoughts and

aligning them with Source.

When we are willing to change our thinking, the infinite power of Source joins us with Its love andstrength, and corrects our thinking for us, bringing us closer to our Reality, our True Home in love and

light.

We All Share Mind

There is another really cool thing about learning how to overcome fear and negative emotion. As each

of us is willing to choose love and let go of our resentments, judgments, expectations and opinions,

thereby allowing Source to heal our unconscious stuff, the easier and faster it is for EVERYONE to do it!

Here is the reason. From the perspective of this dream life, we operate with a split mind God Mind and

ego mind, although ego mind is actually an illusion. God Mind is our Reality, where we are joined withGod and each other in love, peace and harmony. This is our true Reality which has always been and will

always be. We have never been separate from Source.

And, interestingly, even in the illusory ego mind, we are still joined in one mind. There is actually only

one ego, which appears to be split off into many separate egos that appear to live in many separate

bodies.Consequently, we all share the same stuff in the illusion of ego mind and we all share the same

love, compassion, harmony and unity within God Mind. The more we all focus on our shared God Mind,

the easier it is for EVERYONE to focus there. One in-light-ened thought uplifts our whole shared

mind.As more and more light-filled thoughts fill our shared mind, a tipping point occurs. At that point

the light increases exponentially and we ALL are uplifted into a higher state of light and love. So anylove-filled thought that you focus on makes it easier and faster for ALL of us to learn how to overcome

fear and find our way back to the realization that were living within Source, and have never left Source.

Weve only dreamed (nightmared!) that we did.

Put Your Future In

Sources Hands

Ill finish here with one more way to learn how to overcome fear. At the beginning of every day and all

through the day you can affirm I place this day and my future in the hands of God / Source. If you

focus sincerely on this thought for a few minutes, you will immediately feel a burden being lifted for

you. Then, while God is taking care of the future (and believe me Hell do a much better job than ego!),

He also heals the past and present, because they all exist simultaneously.


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Together we can learn how to overcome fear, and together we can heal ALL of us and go Home!

Personal Accountability Reclaiming Our Judgments, Projections And

Ourselves

Personal accountability for what we are feeling unlocks the door to our healing and wellbeing. This

practice is so very important because it opens the door to our pent-up trauma and wounding. Until we

do this, our suffering cannot be directly accessed, released and healed.

What Is Projection?

Before we get into personal accountability and talk about what projection is, lets define what personal

boundaries are. I like Paul Ferrinis definition best: Everything I think, feel, say or do belongs to me. I am

responsible for all of it. (The Power of Love, page 46, by Paul Ferrini)

Now, with this understanding of personal boundaries, basically projection is this: If I am feeling negative

(or positive) emotion and try to blame you for what Im feeling, thinking, saying or doing, then I am

projecting my stuff onto you. Generally, when we don't accept personal accountability for our feelings

we judge others for doing things that we were shamed for doing in our childhood. We project our

feelings of shame onto the other person and try to identify THEM as bad or wrong in a futile

attempt to shield ourselves from our own shame and pain.

Sometimes We Project Our Good Feelings Too

Another way we commonly project is to mistakenly believe that another person is the source of love and

wellbeing for us, not taking personal accountability for our own connection with the Source of

wellbeing. This happens quite frequently in the honeymoon phase of a romantic relationship. We

meet someone who sees us and they shine their attention on us and it feels great! We feel special and

desirable. This can produce a high like no other drug on earth. However, what goes up eventually

comes down. Another person cant keep that kind of attention going for us 24/7 and then we feel

withdrawal from the drug when they withdraw it.


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The only way we can receive ongoing, deep and true love is to take personal accountability for our own

connection to Source, our root of happiness. And the only place we can connect with Source is within

our own being. Once we do that we feel and see It reflected everywhere and in everyone, whether

someone else is directing attention toward us or not.

How We Hurt Ourselves When We Give Up Personal Accountability For Our Feelings

If I don't accept personal accountability for my own feelings and project them onto you, I deny myself

access to a precious opportunity for healing my shame that is covered up by the projection. (More about

this below.) You may have TRIGGERED an emotional response from me, but I am responsible for owning

and healing the place in me that was triggered by what you said or did.

So, personal accountability sounds pretty clear and straightforward, right? It is, until we are triggered.

Then, when our hurts and wounds are running the show it is really easy to lose sight of this and blame

another person for what we feel.

When we decline personal accountability and project we not only miss an opportunity for our own

healing, but we wreak all kinds of havoc with our relationships.

Understanding how you project can be very helpful, if you have the courage to look at it. But all forms

of projection can be boiled down to one simple message: Its not about me. Its about you. Thats the

content. I am refusing to look at my stuff and trying to hand it to you.

Paul Ferrini, from The Laws of Love, pg 37

How Do We Project?

We give up personal accountability and play the blame game of projection in very creative ways, by:

Attacking the other person. When our wounds are triggered, WE feel attacked and it can feel like

attacking back is justified.

Pretending to not be angry and trying to convince the other person that THEY are the one who is angry.

Admitting to the other person we are angry but blaming them as the CAUSE of our anger.

Trying to fix or change the other person so that we wont have to feel the pain of our own wound.

Shaming the other person so we dont have to feel our own shame that was originally projected onto us.

Withdrawing from the other person while blaming them for our upset.

Depending on another person for our own wellbeing and attributing our experience of love to them.


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Sound familiar? Dont feel bad if it does! We all unconsciously give up personal accountability and

practice various forms of projection at one time or another. The only way to stop doing it is to bring

awareness and love to our inner wounds.

Why Do We Project?

It is what most of us have been trained to do. Generally, it was what was modeled for us as acceptable

behavior when we were children.

At the core of all projection is an intense fear that we are unconsciously or consciously trying to avoid.As children, many of us were ridiculed, ostracized, shamed or sometimes punished for whatever our

caregivers labeled as wrong. Therefore, instinctively we think we are wrong or bad when negative

feelings arise. And because there is a conscious or unconscious fear of being punished, this part of our

psyche gives up personal accountability and says, No way Im going to admit to having a problem over

here. Quick Lets blame it on the other guy!

Projection is a mechanism of denial. When we focus outwardly on the other person, it is a (usually

unconscious) attempt to keep us from feeling the intensity of our own wounds.

Healing Can Only Happen When We

Take Individual Responsibility For Our Feelings

If we decline to follow the ingrained blame game habit to fix, judge, blame or attack someone else and

consciously take personal accountability for what we're experiencing, it brings our energy back to

ourselves, where we most need it. This is very important to us for a number of reasons.

Not taking individual responsibility for our feelings and denying them by projecting them out onto

others:

Leaks out our Life Force, projecting it outward in blame, fixing, etc. That is a sure-fire way to dis-

empower ourselves. Until we are in personal accountability for what we are feeling, we are truly

powerless. When we try to make someone else responsible for our feelings, we abdicate our own


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power. We make THEM responsible but we cant CHANGE them! This is a no-win set-up for emotional

pain and keeps us in the victim role.

Keeps us recreating the same painful scenario over and over again. Until we accept personal

accountability, the unresolved feelings stay in our energy field and gather even MORE energy each time

we go through yet another playing out of the same old dance. Each time more emotional angst is addedto it. Then by the Law of Attraction, we continue to create more of the same kinds of experiences.

We keep a lid on a part of ourselves that is literally screaming for our attention, love and healing. It is

only when we take personal accountability for what we are feeling that our wounds are unveiled and

become consciously accessible to us. When we distract ourselves and focus outward on the other

person we throw a layer of denial over our wounds, giving up our access to them. What we most need

to do when we are triggered in this way is to acknowledge and OPEN to the wound the part of us that

is desperate for our own attention, acceptance and love.

You are always living a reflection of whatever you are outputting. And so, if you get into a little pocket

where a lot of people are being rude, it's probably because you are being rude or because you have

been aware of people being rude. Nothing ever happens to you that is not part of your vibration!

Abraham - Hicks, excerpted from a workshop in Chicago, IL, April 25th, 1999

What Happens When We Accept Personal Accountability And Decline To Project

When we are emotionally triggered and we take personal accountability and stay with the feelings

rather than projecting them out, we immediately feel emotional heat, burning, and discomfort. The

more intense the knee jerk reaction is to attack or change the other person, the more intense is the pain

around the emotional wound weve learned to deny. Likewise, the more intense the burning feeling will

be.

As you practice personal accountability for what you are experiencing, you may feel a tremendous force

trying to pull you into the old conditioning. But when our desire to heal is strong, it motivates us to startexperimenting with ways to heal the pain. When we dont project this pain outwardly, a window into

the pain opens and we feel it in a way we havent felt since the original wounding. It is the undenied,

unveiled energy itself. This is an awesome place we now stand in. From here, we now have the POWER

to heal and release this energy.


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If we call in love from Source / God (whatever name you know it by) and stay with this part of

ourselves in the same tender way that we would be with a small child who is hurting, the pain will

unwind and release on its own. This is absolutely magical! More about this in the steps below.

Want Self-Empowerment?

Unwind the Illusion of Victimhood

Because of things that happened to us as children, many of us carry the unconscious (or semi-conscious)

belief that we are victims of life, people and circumstances. Along with this is the belief (again, usually

unconscious or semi-conscious) that we deserved to be treated poorly and still do because we are bad,

flawed and unlovable. We may have a subconscious belief that things will never get better because WE

will never get better.

It is very helpful to remember this fact:

All our thoughts of unworthiness come from the fact that we believed a story about ourselves that

simply was not true. In doing this emotional healing work, I encourage you to look back at your

childhood and see that somewhere you made a CHOICE to take on the belief that you were unlovable.

You may not have a memory of the actual moment this occurred but you can still look back and realize

you perceived yourself in an unkind way because of what was INSTILLED in you, not because of who you

actually are.

For example, like many of us, as a child I received negative feedback and shaming from extremely

wounded parents. They projected their feelings of worthlessness onto me. Like all small children, I

wasnt mature enough to see the truth that their perceptions of me had nothing to do with the truth. I

wasnt stupid, ugly, clutzy or unimportant. They felt that way about THEMSELVES! They had never been


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exposed to this type of work that you and I are doing right now. Accepting personal accountability

wasn't a concept they were even aware of. They unconsciously projected their own shame onto me and

my brothers.

Dont try to love other people before you learn to love yourself. You wontbe able to do it. When

someone comes into your life who pushes all your buttons, dont try to love that person. Just dont

blame him or make him an enemy. Simply acknowledge that he pushes your buttons and ask for time to

be with your feelings.

Paul Ferrini, Love Without Conditions, page 56

Really check this out in your own life. The point is true for all of us. It is an important realization that is

pivotal in climbing out of victimhood and reclaiming your dignity and power as a worthy, equal human

being. Here it is again

Realizing You Have Choice Awakens Your Place of Power

In practicing personal accountability and feeling my feelings, I've realized that as a child I made a CHOICE

to interpret the way that I was treated to mean that I was being punished because I was bad, ugly,

stupid and unlovable. It was the best my infant mind could do with the facts at hand. Had I been an

adult when those things happened I would have had the maturity and discernment to see that my

caregivers were speaking and acting out of their own wounds and their response to me had nothing to

do with me. I made the best choice of interpretation I had at the time with the limited amount of

maturity I had at the time.

This is true for all of us. As children we were psychic sponges, soaking up everything around us as

reality. We didnt know anything different of the world other than what the people around us taught

us, either directly or indirectly. We formed beliefs about ourselves based on the ways our caregivers

responded to us, no matter how dysfunctional they were.

The important thing is to see that CHOICE is the place of power. I chose to see it that way then. I can

NOW choose to see the truth and unwind the story of being an unlovable victim. Now YOU have the

power to see it differently. This is where you take back your power by taking personal accountability for

any feelings that get triggered for you now and then taking responsibility for your choice of accepting


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the negative feedback you may have received as a child, which created your present-day reactions. This

releases you from the trap of victimhood.

You were perfectly lovable just as you were then. You are totally lovable just as you are now. Your past

programming was about those around you, not you. But how you feel about yourself NOW is your

responsibility. THAT you can change and heal. When we step into personal accountability for our own

feelings and beliefs, the traumatic energy begins to unwrap itself and release.

As we accept personal accountability for our feelings, at some point we all come to a place where we

love ourselves enough to see the truth of this. Once you get this and see you are not a victim, you still

have to care about yourself enough to do the work it takes to keep reminding yourself of this truth and

to keep affirming the reality of your equality with all other human beings. Personal accountability takes

courage, practice and patience, but you WILL unwind the psychological pain. The self-reminding of our

loveliness is needed because sometimes it takes awhile to release the years of negative conditioning.

I highly recommend getting support for practicing personal accountability for your healing, whether it is

in a 12 Step Group or through your church, with a supportive friend, a therapist, pastor, etc. It is

important to have others around you who can reflect and affirm your own beauty back to you without

judging you.

Personal Boundaries And Processing


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Remember the previous description of personal boundaries: I am responsible for my thoughts, feelings,

words, and actions, and you are responsible for your thoughts, feelings, words, and actions.

When were triggered by an experience with another person, our healing and wellbeing doesnt lie in

processing with the other person about their behavior and our reaction to it. Whatever were feeling is

our individual responsibility. We must accept personal accountability for all of it. This is a powerful truth

to let in and work with one that stretches me and teaches me on a daily basis. This could quite possibly

be a lifelong learning for us all.

When your emotional pain is triggered by someone else, what would be most valuable to you is to FIRST

be with yourself, make space within for what you are feeling and start the emotional healing process for

personal accountability outlined below. In order to do that we must decline to play the blame game with

the other person. Their personal work is their responsibility and our personal work is ours.

Once weve committed to personal accountability and gotten in touch with our fear and etc. (see below)

that caused our trigger, THEN we can talk with the other person with a better chance of being in our

power and taking care of ourselves, as well as not projecting and blaming them. This keeps us from

forming another energetic layer of hurt within our own psyche or within the combined energy field of

the relationship.

All Relationships Are Mirrors

As we practice personal accountability for our own feelings and healing, we discover that we love others

exactly the way we love ourselves. If Im judging, blaming and attacking you, it is because Im judging,

blaming and attacking myself. If Im struggling to love you, then Im having a hard time loving the part of

me that you reflect to me.

Furthermore, if Im judging and blaming myself, Im also doing that to God / Source. No matter who it

looks like were relating with an other person, ourselves, or Source all of it is Us being reflected

back to Us, mirroring to us how we feel about and treat ourselves. The purpose of relationships is to

show us where we need to heal and bring love to ourselves. Basically, we all live in a world of mirrors!


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Watching The Blame Game In Action

The following is a demonstration of projection in action. The more aware of it we are, the closer we are

to personal accountability for our own emotional healing.

Lets say that Barbara tends to be compulsively early for her appointments. She has a dinner date with

Fred, who is compulsively late. Im sure you can see where this is going already! :-)

The date was set for 7:30 pm. Barbara arrives at 7:15 and settles herself in at the restaurant. As the time

creeps along to 7:30, then 7:45, then 8 pm (Where IS he?) she is agitated (and hungry!).

By the time Fred finally arrives at 8:20, Barbara has a tangle of judgments about him writhing inside her.

When it was 7:45 she had planned to stuff her irritation/anger and put a smile on her face when he

arrived. After all, she LIKES Fred and was looking forward to getting to know him more.

But by the time Fred arrives at 8:20, her core wound of not being important is too deeply triggered to

suppress it anymore. She is no longer a 35-year-old adult. She is a 4-year-old girl who was ignored by her

parents and never fully seen or appreciated.

As soon as Fred sits down and tries to explain why he is late, Barbara lashes out at him, telling him he is

inconsiderate and disorganized. Her hurt has been quickly (and unconsciously) covered up with anger

and self-defensiveness, because she sincerely feels that Fred did something to her.

At this point Barbara is too agitated to be able to listen to Freds explanation or accept personal

accountability for her own feelings. She grabs her purse and storms out of the restaurant. Now, on top

of the massive amount of not good enough hurt she was already carrying in her core wound, she is

adding another layer of self-judgment that we naturally feel when we've not taken personal

accountability for our own experience.


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She is confused by the intensity of her own response. She vacillates between judging Fred and judging

herself. Neither one feels good but she doesnt know how to stop her thoughts spinning in negative

directions. She doesnt know what to do or where to turn. She feels powerless, vulnerable and small.

If you do not conquer self, you will be conquered by self.

Napoleon Hill

What We Need To Do To Heal

In this example, what is needed is for Barbara to bring awareness to the act of projection and to take

individual responsibility for the shame and powerlessness she is feeling. Then the next step is to bring

love to her inner hurt that was masked by projecting it onto Fred. She also needs to bring love to herself,

and to understand, accept and bring compassion to her wounded aspect that reacted in the situation

with Fred. She needs to see and accept that with a hurt that big inside, it was bound to come out in

whatever way it could.

As Barbara accepts personal accountability for her own feelings, unconditional love will unwind the

wound. As she stays with the process described below, she will see that she was NOT a victim in this

situation. That realization will bring her back into her personal power. She will see that she had choices.

For instance, she could have left the restaurant at any point along the way in order to honor and take

care of herself. Once she goes through the personal accountability process below shell be able to call

Fred, be honest with him and apologize to him for attacking him. Shell be able to do this without

making either herself or Fred bad or wrong.

Unwinding The Blame Game By Personal Accountability

For Our Emotional Healing


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The following information is based on my experience and realizations from studying Paul Ferrinis

personal accountability guidelines, particularly the books The Power of Love, chapters 2 and 3, and Love

Without Conditions.

Well continue using the scenario with Barbara and Fred as an example.

Step 1.

When you notice youre feeling off,

identify your judgments of the other person.

Be present as the watcher of your mind of your thoughts and emotions as well as your reactions in

various situations. Be at least as interested in your reactions as in the situation or person that causes

you to react. Notice also how often your attention is in the past or future. Don't judge or analyze what

you observe. Watch the thought, feel the emotion, observe the reaction. Don't make a personal

problem out of them. You will then feel something more powerful than any of those things that you

observe: the still, observing presence itself behind the content of your mind, the silent watcher.

Eckhart Tolle, from The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment

Ask yourself

How am I judging Fred?

As you begin this personal accountability process, dont censor yourself by trying to be nice. Be honest

with how you see this person, even if you know it is an exaggeration. Give permission for all of it to

come out, without stifling yourself

Wow, he is really inconsiderate! He hasnt even called to tell me why he is late. He must be so

disorganized if he cant make it to an appointment on time. What a jerk!

Step 2.

Forgive yourself for


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having the judgment.

We ALL have judgments about each other, either positive or negative. I dont know if it is humanly

possible to make them go away entirely since all judgments about other people are judgments about

ourselves in areas where we were shamed as children. In our humanness, we are all works in progress.

We need to practice forgiving ourselves as well as each other, which ends up being the same thing.

In learning personal accountability, our goal at this point is not to remove judgments. We wont be able

to until we do the healing work inside ourselves that they cover up. Out goal is just to bring awareness

to our judgments and projections. That in itself begins the healing process.

When you see that you have a judgment, dont make yourself wrong for having them. If youre

breathing, you have judgments. Bring love to this hurt part of you that is doing the judging.

Step 3.

Realize that ALL judgments are

inaccurate and subjective.

If 5 other people went through the same exact experience as Barbara in the example above, they would

have all had a different experience. One person might not have been annoyed at all and would have

kept themselves occupied talking with the waiters and not even noticed the time. Another would have

judged him in a positive light as a busy man and would praise him for going with the flow. The other

three would have their own unique perspective of their experience, depending on their own particular

wounding and conscious or unconscious expectations. None of these would be the truth. They are

simply viewpoints or perspectives.

We tend to see what we want to see, which is usually what we are ready to see, based on our own

wounding and what we carry in our energy field that colors the lens we see things through.

Step 4.

Take responsibility for the judgment

by realizing it is about yourself,


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not the other person.

In other words, take the other person

off the hook.

You might be saying

What do you mean? Barbara showed up on time. She was organized and considerate of Freds time.

How could Barbaras judgment about Fred being unorganized and inconsiderate be about her when she

is clearly just the opposite?

Okay, heres where it gets really interesting. Sincerely wanting to heal this hurt part of herself and take

personal accountability for her feelings, Barbara asks inside:

What dont I like about Fred?

What is upsetting me about him?

Who from my childhood does he remind me of?

How do I judge myself in the way that Im judging him?

Does he remind me of a part of myself I dont accept or like?

Have I ever been shamed for doing something like he just did?

Slowly and gently, Barbara asks these questions inside. An answer begins to come in images and

feelings. She feels a tense, tight place in her chest.

She sees herself as a little girl in school, desperate to get all her schoolwork finished. No, not just

finished. Finished to PERFECTION. And why? Because the only place she received positive, sincere

feedback about herself in her young life was from a few teachers she had along the way. Those gifts of

love and attention they gave her created a willingness to do ANYTHING to earn more of that kind of

loving attention. They were oases of love within an otherwise painful and scary life.

Barbara sees how she got into the habit of trying to do everything perfectly in the hopes that her family

would somehow notice and that she could earn their love too.


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As a child Barbara was also terrified of getting hit if she didnt do things right. Sometimes when she

was at home a hand would seem to come out of nowhere and she would get slapped.

Young Barbara kept trying harder in the hopes that she could one day be perfect enough to earn love,

even though the abuse still continued when she was doing everything she could to do things right. She

began to judge herself whenever something wasnt done perfectly and then shed scramble to fix it so

that it was.

As adult Barbara takes personal accountability for her feelings and goes inside herself by asking

questions, she finds a tense and terrified little girl who is desperate to do everything perfectly because

she is starving for the love and positive affirmation she didnt get as a child.

As she opens her awareness to this shamed and wounded aspect of herself, Barbara feels the tense

place in her heart begin to ease up. She feels a warm flow of love for this little girl who has lived inside

her with her pain for so long.

If you find yourself condemning your brother, you can be sure it is not him you condemn. It is some

shamed part of yourself you have not acknowledged. Perceiving inadequacy in your brother cannot

make you feel better, for it merely aggravates your own sense of unworthiness.

Paul Ferrini, from Love Without Conditions, pg 28

Barbara becomes aware that not only does she judge herself for not being perfect, she also judges other

people whose actions dont fit her picture of perfect behavior, like Fred.

Continuing to take personal accountability, she also realizes that whenever she feels not considered

she feels disrespected and not important. As she keeps her awareness focused inward, she once again

feels a tightness in her chest, this time on the right side of her heart. A whole kaleidoscope of images

and feelings arise painful snapshots of experiences with her family where she felt unimportant, not

heard or truly seen, disrespected, and unacceptable as she was.


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Since Barbara carried this energy of feeling unimportant within her energy field, she attracted situations

that reflected that dynamic, like the restaurant scene with Fred. By the Law of Attraction, it couldnt be

any other way.

Barbara also sees that sometimes she treats other people as unimportant unless they are making HER

feel important in some way. Whew! Hard to look at, but there it is. Then, because Barbara judges this as

imperfect behavior, she judges herself for treating others as unimportant.

See how this works? Barbaras experience with Fred was extremely painful for her because it triggered

several layers of her own pain that existed long before Fred ever came into the picture.

Like I said before, we are all actually living in a world of mirrors! It is a very powerful process to bring

awareness to this and begin taking responsibility for healing our part in it. Sometimes this process can

be really uncomfortable, to say the least! However, it is nowhere near as painful as continuing the old

habits and layering more hurt and shame within ourselves as well as attracting and perpetuating painful

relationships. Finally facing the pain of the wound is the only way to heal the blame game.

Step 5.

Realize that your judgment

about yourself isnt true either,

just as it wasnt true

about the other person.

To repeat, negative perceptions and beliefs about ourselves as young children were born from the

energy of our primary caregivers unhealed wounds that were projected onto us. For a lot of us, much of

the feedback we received about ourselves was negative, shaming and simply not true. Even if you feel

you had a great childhood and dont remember any trauma, chances are you still took on some negative

ideas about yourself from childhood.

And remember, at the time we were too young to discriminate between what was true and what wasnt

and so we BELIEVED this negative self-image was real! The truth was / is: We were never bad or wrong.


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Step 6.

Feel the core fear

behind the self-judgment.

As we practice personal accountability we discover that projection is a mechanism of denial. It keeps us

focusing outward in an unconscious attempt to avoid feeling the intensity of our own inner shame and

wounding. To own our projections and heal the wounds beneath them, we have to be willing to

acknowledge and be with our fear.

All judgment reveals itself to be self-judgment in the end, and when this is understood a largercomprehension of the nature of life takes its place.

David R. Hawkins

Although were usually conditioned to think of fear as a thing that we must find a way to get rid of,

actually it isnt a thing at all. It is the ABSENCE of something. Fear is the absence of love. Fear is a flag

being raised inside to tell us, Hey! We need to bring some love over here, and right NOW!

In order to bring love to our fear, we need to first uncover it and allow it to be here fully.

After doing the previous steps for personal accountability, we now know the specific ways we are

judging the other person. Now we can turn that around and use it as a tool to help us get in touch with

our core wound.

To find the fear beneath the projection, here are some questions you can ask inside:

What if Im not perfect?

What if I make mistakes? How does that make me feel?

Why am I angry?


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Why am I feeling the need to defend myself?

What am I afraid of? What is the original source of this fear?

In this situation, what do I feel guilty or shameful about?

As Barbara practices personal accountability and asks the questions above, once again she feels a

tightness in her chest and a panic so intense that she feels she is about to die. When she asks What am

I afraid of? She FEELS the terror of being hit and then left alone if she makes a mistake. Then looking

even deeper, she feels that if she doesnt find a way to be perfect she will be unlovable because shell be

bad at the core. This keeps her frantically trying to constantly do everything right.

She also fears she doesnt really know how to truly love other people, which, she fears will also insure

that no one will love her.

Okay, now were at the core of the wound. We are now at the place of the vulnerable, tender, unveiled

truth. We are at the heart of the wounded being inside. This hurt and terrified little being is the one who

is at the root of what has been going on, which means we are now at the place of empowerment and

healing. At this level we are no longer dealing with the symptoms or effects of the issue. Instead, we are

present at the level of CAUSE. Now we are ready to bring love to this part of ourselves. See Step 7

below.

When we stop being afraid of our fear, when we turn into it and not away from it, we begin to get

comfortable with it. As we get more comfortable with it, we accept and love ourselves more. Fear then

loses its power over us. We begin to see that we can still function well in our lives, even with fear as an

occasional companion.

Step 7.

Bring love, compassion, understanding

and forgiveness to the

fear / hurt child within yourself.

In my own personal work and as I work with people doing Wellbeing Alignment Sessions, I often see this

aspect as a young, overwhelmed, hurt, shocked, bewildered and terrorized child who feels alone,

abandoned, unimportant, unloved and has given up hope of ever being truly seen and loved. I think we


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all have some version of this little being inside us. This is the core wound. Sometimes the fear around

this wound is very intense.

Remember, fear is the absence of love. What do all children need to learn about themselves in order to

be equipped for a healthy, happy life? They need to know that they are important, valuable, perfect and

powerful. They need to know they are loved exactly as they are.

No matter how old you are, its not too late to take personal accountability and give this love to yourself

now. The young you still lives inside you. This young being needs to hear from YOU that s/he is loved,

and for many of us, s/he needs to hear it often, daily. Because many of us didnt receive loving feedback

about ourselves as children, we have felt dis-empowered, hurt, and angry, usually without even knowing

why. Its time to bring love and forgiveness to this wounded child within you. Its time to tell her/him the

truth.

I see you as you are.

I love you as you are.

You are not bad. Youve done nothing wrong.

Im here with you.

You can be as you are. You are beautiful as you are. Exactly as you are.

Ill just be here with you and love you.

It is safe to feel everything that youre feeling.

I see you and I understand now. All of your feelings are here for a reason. Youre not wrong in having

them.

Youve been hurt. I see that and Im here to love you. Ill just stay here with you and love you.

Sometimes clients tell me they fear this will feed the ego and many of us have had spiritual

programming that makes us wary of that. My experience of the ego is that it is just the part of us that

feels unloved and separate. By taking personal accountability and finally going to this abandoned part of

yourself and bringing love to it, you create a unity/harmony in the psyche. It allows our spiritual and

human aspects to work together in a beautiful, flowing dance.


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This step produces a magical healing alchemy when the wound and love are brought together at the

same time and the wound releases. All we must do is to look at this part of ourselves through the eyes

of compassion. We begin to see this little one inside of us and respond the way we would naturally

respond if we saw any child in painwed bring love to him/her.

Not only must we bring our personal love to this wound, we must also align ourselves with and call in

the healing Love in the Universe, God, Source, or whatever name you know it by. Even if you dont feel a

conscious connection with this Source of Love, it is still here. You can use the word Love.

I call in all of Gods Love. I ask for Love to heal this hurt place inside. I open to receive the Highest Love

and Light right here in this place.

This love is already here for us, but calling it in opens up our awareness of it. In this way we bring the

truth (that we are not alone and that we are deeply loved in every cell of our being) to the untruth (that

we are bad, separate from love and unlovable.) It is only love that can heal our wounds. Calling it in

and aligning ourselves with it brings about the change in perspective that is required for full and

permanent healing.

Dear Source, I am wiling to see this differently, from your eyes. Please direct my thinking and attention

to what you want me to see, learn, release and heal. I ask for your strength to bring love and forgiveness

to all aspects of this situation, to myself, and to all people involved.

Having accepted personal accountability for her feelings, now Barbara is aware of this hurt little being

inside her. Now she can gently talk to her and tell her the truth:

I see you. Now I understand that youve been in pain.

I love you.


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I love you exactly as you are. You dont have to do anything to earn that. Love is already yours.

Source loves you exactly as you are.

Youve never been bad or broken. You are perfect and beautiful as you are.

Step 8.

Thank the other person

(either face-to-face or silently within)

for bringing your wound to your attention

so that you can heal it.

Be willing to forgive them.

Tell everyone you know: My happiness depends on me, so youre off the hook. And then demonstrate

it. Be happy, no matter what theyre doing. Practice feeling good, no matter what. And before you know

it, you will not give anyone else responsibility for the way you feeland then, youll love them all.

Because the only reason you dont love them, is because youre using them as your excuse to not feel

good.

Abraham - Hicks, excerpted from a workshop in Asheville, NC, April 30th, 2005

To fully accept personal accountability for your healing, this step helps clean up the energy between you

and the other person, so that neither of you are stuck in a polarity. It begins the forgiveness process. The

best teaching I know for that is A Course In Miracles. I also recommend this easy, yet powerful

Forgiveness Meditation. This webpage on how to forgive might be helpful also.

Be Patient With Yourself!

Remember that by practicing personal accountability for what youre feeling and bowing out of the

blame game, youre undoing a lifetime of conditioning, maybe several lifetimes. Youll make mistakes.

We all do. I see accepting personal accountability for our feelings and our healing as a lifelong learning.

When you get pulled in by your triggers or your judgments, forgive yourself. Make amends to the other

person as needed. Call in the love and support from Source and align yourself with it. At first, just


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becoming AWARE of when you are blaming or projecting is a HUGE step. Eventually youll catch it

sooner and be able to bring love and emotional healing to yourself right away. If not, forgive yourself

again

The Gifts Of This Practice

As we practice personal accountability and commit to ending the blame game, we begin to

experience ourselves and other people as equals

become aware of and release childhood wounds

free up our Life Force for creativity, joy, wellbeing and love

know ourselves as love from the core of our being

trust that this love is bigger than any wound we discover within us, and that it will flow into and through

all our wounds and release them

Although the practice of personal accountability can be extremely uncomfortable at times, it is far more

comfortable than continuing to suppress our emotional wounds and enduring the havoc that creates in

our lives. We simply cannot heal ourselves until we take individual responsibility.

Self-Compassion Opens The Door To Self-Healing

Until we learn self-compassion, we arent loving ourselves. Being out of love with ourselves is the cause

of all our spiritual / emotional / mental / physical wounds. When we arent loving ourselves, we feel

disconnected from our Source, which is Love Itself. Once weve opened up our end of the conversation

with our Source, have acknowledged our wound, and have become willing to take responsibility for our

lives, then awakening compassion for ourselves is the next essential step in our healing and wellbeing.

Like most of us, you were probably taught that you should have compassion for others, but were you

ever taught that you need to have compassion for yourself first? Most of us werent. And the truth is,

until you have compassion for yourself, you wont be able to bring it to others. Then when we try to becompassionate with others and fail, the inevitable result is we add yet another layer of self-judgment

upon ourselves.

When Your Inner Being Calls For Self-Compassion

When something happens and we feel strong negative emotions, often there is an old wound from

childhood that has been triggered. A door to the unconscious opens and stands ready for us to enter


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and BE with ourselves to heal the wound. Our conditioning often tells us to ignore the door and distract

ourselves in some way by reaching for an addictive substance or behavior.

A human being is a part of a whole, called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He

experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest... a kind of optical

delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personaldesires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this

prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures [including ourselves!] and

the whole of nature in its beauty.

Albert Einstein

However, when the pain gets so great, eventually we find ourselves at a site like this one, or looking into

the pages of a book, willing to do what it takes to heal and find our way to wellbeing.

All of our wounds stem from a false belief that we are separate from our Source. Ultimately, it is Source

that does ALL healing. Therefore, the first step in any effective healing practice is to align ourselves withThat. However, we still need to work WITH the Divine, to partner in our own healing. The human,

psychological part required of you is to bring compassion for yourself, FROM yourself (more about this

below), which unravels the core wound. Until then it stands unresolved in your energy field. For

permanent healing we need to become conscious of our wound and be willing to bring love to this

vulnerable part of ourselves, starting with self-compassion.

What Does Showing Compassion For Yourself Look Like?

Self-compassion means to fully BE with yourself in a deeply aware and non-judging way as a loyal and

trustworthy friend. It is a willingness to be with yourself as a loving companion to your own pain. Self-

compassion includes care, concern, solicitude, sensitivity, warmth, unconditional love, tenderness,

acceptance, mercy, leniency, kindness, and charity for ourselves. Compassion for yourself is a softness

that flows within you and permeates your emotional / energy wound with acceptance, unconditional

love and intimate understanding.

No one in the world knows your feelings and hurts as well as you do. You know all the intricacies and

tendrils of them, firsthand and up close. Because of this you are the one most qualified to bring love to

this part of yourself.

Self-compassion is seeing your most tender wounds without judgment. Showing compassion to yourself

is being willing to see / feel the reality of your pain without covering it up or trying to fix it. Once this

level of self-love occurs, a door opens to the understanding of why the pain is there. As we lovingly

befriend ourselves, awareness reveals the cause / effect dynamic that created the wound in the first


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How Do We Do It?

Where Do We Start?

For many of us, self-compassion is a brand new concept. It is not something that is usually modeled or

taught in our childhood or even in our adult lives.

Each circumstance in our present-day life that triggers emotional pain is an opportunity to practice self-

compassion and be with ourselves on a deep and intimate level. If we stay with this introspection, we

uncover the core shame that lurks in the depths of each of us, giving us the opportunity to heal it.

The next time you are triggered by an event or a person

Ask for help from your Higher Guidance.Dear Source, help me to heal this wounded part of myself.

Please help me learn to love myself here, where I am hurting. Fully accept whatever happened when

you were triggered.

Fully accept ALL that youre feeling, as well as all that you did, said or thought. Also, fully accept

whatever the other person did, said, felt or thought. Accept all the circumstances that happened.

Mentally rehashing it all, wishing it hadnt happened, hanging onto thoughts that it shouldnt have

happened, or resisting the fact that it DID happen is a waste of your precious energy that could be

focused toward your healing. The fact is that whatever happened HAPPENED. When we accept that we

can move on and progress in our healing.

Remove your attention from the other person and open your inner awareness.

We are responsible for everything that were feeling, thinking, saying, or doing not the other person.

Later in the healing process you can address your connection with the other person(s) involved and

bring compassion to them as well.

For now, turn your attention 180 degrees from the usual outwardly focused perspective. Remove it from

the outside world and the appearance of other people and bring your attention inside. Open your

awareness. Your awareness is the perspective or eyes inside you who sees everything neutrally and

non-judgmentally. It observes everything but is not engaged in any of it. This is The Watcher.

Find the willingness to BE with yourself. Make yourself priority, especially your hurt child inside, your

core wound.As you let go of the movie of the outside world and other people, at least for now, focus on

being just with YOU. Look at the circumstance that triggered your reactions and negative feelings, and

Ask inside

What am I feeling?

Invite and acknowledge all of your feelings, whatever they are anger, sadness, fear, resentment, envy.

Dont judge any of it. It is simply energy moving through you. It is neither bad nor good. It is just energy.


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As youre feeling in to what is going on inside you, notice the familiarity of the feelings. Look back to a

younger time in your life when you felt these feelings. At some point, you will feel yourself as a young

child who still lives within you today. Notice that the feelings this young you is experiencing is because

of certain events that happened. You are not wrong for having these feelings. They are the natural result

of things that happened

Now, be a friend to this little one inside you.

Experience the part of you who is a loyal, compassionate friend who loves you unconditionally. It may

take some patience to find this aspect of yourself, but I assure you, it is there. If you think there isnt

love there, then gently release that thought and view your Heart from the perspective of The Watcher

the neutral observer within you. At first you may just feel a sensation of warmth. Keep your attention in

your Heart, let go of thoughts and just observe. Gradually youll feel tenderness, light, and space as well

as warmth.

With this love from your Heart, imagine yourself sitting down beside this little one, letting them know

you are here just to BE with them.

Hello little one. Im here with you. Im just going to be here with you as you feel this. Im not going to

leave you. I will stay with you as long as you want me to. We can feel these feelings together. You are

not alone.Im not here to try to fix or change you. I just want to be with you as you are. I love you as you

are. I have no expectations of you. Im just happy to be with you as your friend. You are very important

to me and I love you very much.

Bring your hurt child into your Heart.

Literally. S/he is suffering because she thinks she is outside of YOUR heart. We may think that we suffer

because of lack of love from others, but that is never the case. Our suffering actually comes from

thinking / feeling we are outside of our OWN love. Nothing is more painful than that. That is the place of

absolute powerless.

Again, bringing attention to your Heart, gently enfold your inner little one into this reservoir of Love

inside you. The more that you are with your inner child and get to know them; it wont take any effort to

love them. You will absolutely fall in love with this part of yourself when you allow yourself to

experience the depth of her / his tender, beautiful being. After all, this is YOU! Our natural state is to

love ourselves. We just need to allow ourselves the space to look and really see the wondrous beauty

and purity of this little one to become aware of how much love and compassion we already feel for

ourselves.

Soak Up Your Own Love

Fear grows out of the things we think; it lives in our minds. Compassion grows out of the things we are,

and lives in our hearts.Barbara Garrison


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For most of us, self-compassion is like food for the starving. As you begin to feel your OWN love, you will

realize how much energy youve put into trying to get love and compassion on the outside and how no

matter how much ofthat youve received from someone else, its never been enough. Thats because it

doesnt change your inner beliefs. If another person says youre wonderful and on a core level

(perhaps unconsciously) you say to yourself no Im not, their love will only be a temporary band aid. It

wont be long until youre looking for more from them or someone else. And then, when/if you get more

loving attention from them, it STILL wont be enough.

Only self-compassion and self-love will fill up that inner hole that stems from a false belief of being

unlovable. Showing compassion for yourself allows you to consciously and directly experience, FOR

yourself and ABOUT yourself, that you TRULY are loveable and you truly are Loved. This direct

experience wil

Well Being Alignment

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