Week_7 eft

8/10/2019 Week_7 eft

http://slidepdf.com/reader/full/week7-eft 1/24

Week 7

Finding Your Soul Mate with EFT

How can EFT possibly help you attract your soul mate? How can removing

your emotional blocks, past and present, bring the perfect person into your life?

Prepare to be surprised! In this chapter, I’ll share inspiring stories of people who

did just that. They didn’t use some magic trick, but they did consistently use EFT

on their blocks to manifestation. Once those blocks were gone, what they wanted

often showed up. The first story comes from my friend and EFT Master Patricia

Carrington, one of the wisest and most inspiring people in the field of energy

psychology.

Believing Is Seeing

By Patricia Carrington, PhD

I am going to write today about a way you can realize an unusually complex

and major goal using EFT. I emphasize here the word “complex.” Many truly

desirable goals contain a number of different aspects, which makes them into

conglomerates, collections of things that you want, all grouped under one

heading. You cannot possibly crowd all these attributes into one EFT statement.

There is, however, a distinct advantage in being able to list all the desired

aspects of any important goal. It is certainly not an easy matter, for example, to

describe the mate of your dreams in a single statement, or the career of your

choice in a small number of words. Nevertheless, specificity can pay off

8/10/2019 Week_7 eft


dramatically when you want to manifest your goals.

There is a way to handle this problem that is often extremely effective. To

illustrate, let me tell you about a former client of mine who used this tactic with

remarkable success.

With the help of EFT, this client, whom I shall call “Kelly,” had just emerged

from an extremely destructive, verbally abusive relationship of several years’

duration. When she first consulted me, nearly a year before she left the

relationship, she had been unable to see any way out of the trap it posed and felt

totally hopeless about it. After almost a year of therapy, however, she had finally

been able to extricate herself gracefully from this relationship in a satisfactory

manner.

Kelly was now dating again, although she was experiencing little satisfaction

or success doing this. She had come to realize that she wanted to have a very

different type of relationship than she had ever known and that, in fact, she now

felt ready to be married (something she had been very afraid of before). None of

the men she had been dating even remotely approached what she felt she would

need or want in a husband, however; they were not people with whom she

wanted to spend the rest of her life.

She then asked me if it was possible for her to use EFT to help her find the

man she really wanted. I told her that it might help, but that she needed to be

extremely clear first as to exactly what kind of man she was really looking for. To

help her do this, I handed her a large pad of paper and asked her to write down,

on separate lines one under the other, every attribute of her “ideal man” that she

8/10/2019 Week_7 eft


could possibly think of––the man she would like to have for a husband.

Kelly did this with her usual diligence, and came up with about twenty-three

characteristics of such a man. They came to her mind easily and quickly. She

listed everything from what he looked like to what kind of foods and restaurants

he preferred, to how he liked to spend his free time, to the way he handled

disagreements, to how he felt about independent time away from each other, and

more.

When she had finished the list, I asked her to go home, take the list with her,

add more attributes to it any time during the week if she felt like doing this, and

bring the list back to her next appointment with me.

Kelly did as I had suggested. When she came back, there were now forty-two

attributes on her list. New characteristics she wanted had occurred to her during

the week; every time one did, she had jotted it down. She found it enjoyable to

write down anything she felt she wanted; this was a new experience for her.

Now that she had clearly delineated her goal, I asked Kelly to give this list a

title, such as she would give to her mental movie when doing EFT’s Watch the

Movie Technique. She chose the title “My Ideal Man” for the list. It could have

been “The husband I will have” or a similar title; the only requirement was that

this would serve as a quick, accurate way to sum up the entire list in her own

mind.

I then asked her to create an EFT Choices Statement using this title. She

obviously could not list all the forty-two desirable characteristics in her EFT

statement, so she was to hold the list in front of her or place it on her lap as she

8/10/2019 Week_7 eft


tapped, and just glance at it briefly before starting EFT, to refresh it in her mind,

and use just its title in the statement.

She tapped on the following phrase:

Even though he’s not apparent in my life as yet, and even though I’m

dissatisfied with my dating at present, I choose to find “My Ideal Man” and

have him feel the same way about me as I do about him.

After several rounds of EFT using this statement, she commented that,

although this felt like a wonderful goal, she couldn’t imagine that it would really

work. She said she would keep on tapping at home, however. I knew that Kelly

was the type of person who would follow through on a plan like this, and she was

willing to make the commitment to do this daily.

For the next several weeks, she tapped systematically on this statement,

holding the list in front of her as she did so. I had also instructed her to read the

list over again several times a week to keep its contents fresh in her mind, and

reminded her that if she wanted to add any more attributes to it, she could. In

fact, Kelly did add three or four new ones to the list during that time.

What is fascinating about this story is that Kelly began feeling better and

better about herself as she tapped on her goal. She soon tapered off her

unsatisfactory dating, which left her free to pursue some interesting hobbies and

allowed her to rest from the search. In fact, she stopped coming to see me for a

while because she was feeling so much better about her life and herself just by

doing this daily tapping on her ultimate goal for a husband.

Several months later, I got a telephone call from Kelly asking for a “brushup”

8/10/2019 Week_7 eft


session. When she came in to see me, she said, with excitement in her voice,

that she had started dating a man from another section of the organization where

she worked. Although she had met him casually once or twice before, she had

paid little attention to him at that time. She said she found him quite “different” to

go out with and, as she began to know him better, it had suddenly dawned on her

that he possessed many of the characteristics on her Ideal Man list. This

impressed her, and she had pulled out the list and checked off every

characteristic on it that he possessed. When she did this, she was stunned to

discover that out of the now forty-eight attributes on her list, he seemed to have

at least thirty-five of them! There were still some of them about which she was

unsure because she didn’t know him well enough to be able to say whether he

met these criteria. These involved issues of compatibility in their interests, which

she had had no way to test so far, such as the types of vacation they might like to

take together. A few of his characteristics were dissimilar to what she had put

down; for example, his religion was different from that which her family of origin

would have desired.

Kelly had come back at this time to work out some obstacles she had

encountered in allowing herself to trust this new relationship. She accomplished

this short-term goal in several sessions and then I didn’t hear from her again for

the next six months.

At that point, she called me to ask for a single appointment. When she arrived

at my office, she told me that her relationship with Ed was so different from any

that she had ever had before that she could “scarcely believe it.” Then she told

8/10/2019 Week_7 eft


me that there were only three characteristics, and these weren’t major ones

either, that he didn’t have. She worked a bit more on allowing herself to have

such a good relationship and then left. Some months later, she phoned to tell me

they were now engaged.

The upshot of this story is that within a year Kelly had married this man. That

was six years ago, and today they are an unusually happily married couple,

strikingly so, in fact, if one compares them to many other marriages.

Please realize, however, an important fact. Kelly was ready for this

relationship when she began tapping on her Ideal Man. She had done much

inner work on herself to bring her to this point, and she was no longer ambivalent

about what she wanted. This was undoubtedly the reason she was able to realize

her goal.

When, about a year and half after she got married, she consulted me for help

in another area of her life, that of her career, the outcome was not so favorable.

This was an area where she had much uncertainty about whether she could

handle the type of job she thought she wanted, and although she wrote down a

long list of attributes that she desired for her Ideal Job and tapped on them daily

as she had on the Ideal Man list, this time the effort was not successful.

This fact did not actually surprise Kelly. With many doubts about whether she

could measure up to such a job, it was clear to her that she needed more work to

help her deal with her conflicts about finding such a job, and her fear of failing at

it if she did. It was not until much time had passed that Kelly’s work life

substantially improved; and it still does not match her ideal, although it is

8/10/2019 Week_7 eft


approaching it in certain important respects (she is no longer in therapy, except

sporadically).

The lessons in this story are twofold. On the one hand, it tells us that EFT can

easily handle long lists of attributes of a desired outcome, as complex as

necessary, in fact, with powerful results. On the other hand, it is apparent that

you must be entirely congruent (i.e., not in conflict) with the goal you think you

desire.

If your goal is crystal clear and you are unconflicted about it and emotionally

ready to receive it, then you can feel confident making a long list of specific

attributes that you want and holding this list in front of you when you tap. In this

way, your subconscious will remember all of the attributes as you tap. You have

only to review this list occasionally to keep it fresh in your mind. You may well

want to try this for some of the major issues in your life.

* * *

Finding by Building the Capacity to Perceive

The old saying “I’ll believe it when I see it” has the sequence exactly

backward. You can’t see something till you believe it. The history of science is

replete with examples of phenomena that weren’t discovered till somebody

decided to look for them. You have to build an instrument to detect something

you believe is there, in order to verify whether the thing is actually there. Doing

so requires belief, despite the complete absence of physical feedback that your

belief is true. Why build a microscope to see objects that are so small that they

are invisible to the naked eye, unless you believe those objects are there to be

8/10/2019 Week_7 eft


seen?

The Dutch tradesman and scientist Anton van Leeuwenhoek (1632–1723)

believed that there were such objects, and he developed a new method of

constructing microscopes to view them. He was the first to discover the existence

of single-celled organisms, a claim that the Royal Society, the primary arbiter of

scientific discovery at that time, met with skepticism. Van Leeuwenhoek

exchanged over five hundred letters with the Royal Society over a long and

distinguished career that saw his remarkable discoveries vindicated.

Another Dutchman who had a disproportionate influence on the development

of science was Willem Einthoven. In the early twentieth century, he was

obsessed with the idea that organs in the human body might have their own

electromagnetic fields. Though the fields weren’t visible to the naked eye, and

though the instruments then available could not detect them, Einthoven was

convinced that these invisible fields existed. Without a shred of proof that they

might exist, he set out to find them. He focused on the human heart, the organ

whose beating circulates the blood that carries the oxygen that sustains our cells,

sure that the heart had its own energy field.

The instrument available at that time for detecting such fields was the

galvanometer. Since the most sensitive galvanometers in existence were not

able to detect such a field, Einthoven built one with greater capabilities. When

this too failed, he refined his design, over time building more and more sensitive

galvanometers. Finally, in 1903, his most advanced instrument was able to

measure the electromagnetic field of the human heart. In 1924, he won the Nobel

8/10/2019 Week_7 eft


Prize for his efforts.

You have to believe it before you see it. That’s the way your brain works. You

have to develop the neurological wiring to perceive something, in the absence of

evidence, before you can see it. There are many stories on the EFT website of

people who strongly believed they could find a loving relationship or be healed

from a chronic disease, even when the external objective evidence said

otherwise. This belief builds the neural capacity to carry the information signals

that record the desired event. When you add belief to the stress-reduction

capacity of EFT, you have a potent combination indeed.

The same applies to finding your soul mate. You have to set up the brain

state in which it’s a subjective reality before the objective reality can manifest.

Your brain has to be wired as though your soul mate is already with you before

you can perceive the soul mate in front of you. In this story from the EFT

Universe website, Emily comes to the recognition that, rather than focusing on

the external event of attracting the right man, she needs to focus on her internal

blocks to finding the right man, and rewiring her brain so that she can see him

when he appears.

Tapping Away the Blocks to Emotional Availability

By Emily P.

I recently did my EFT Level 1 and 2 training and have since been attending

meet-ups with other participants so that we can practice with each other. One of

my colleagues has a knack for intuiting the specific phrases or types of past

8/10/2019 Week_7 eft


experiences one should look for to tap on, and I wanted to work on one issue in

particular: that I attract, and am attracted to, men who tend to be emotionally

unavailable. When I asked my colleague about this, her reaction was that this is

the case because I myself am afraid of giving love: their emotional distance

makes them “safe” for me. She suggested that I find an emotional event in the

past in which I gave/offered love and was hurt, but I racked my brain and just

couldn’t think of anything in particular.

Just a few days after our meet-up, however, I went through the most recent

EFT newsletter and read an article about how a woman who changed her name

had unknowingly dramatically impacted her life through that action. This was an

interesting concept to me, as I went through the process of legally changing my

middle name six years ago. I did it because my middle name was my “evil

grandmother’s” (yes, it’s not just stepmothers where this is an issue!) and she’d

done some particularly hurtful emotional blackmailing over the holidays that year.

I’d had enough and decided to change it legally.

I started tapping, using the phrases suggested in the article, and as I was

tapping on the third statement, I had an epiphany: when I changed my name, I

closed my heart off from my grandmother and from anyone else who was

supposed to love me. I assumed from past experience that such people would

either leave me or hurt me. (My abandonment issues have been the subject of

many other hours of successful tapping, and I won’t go into that here!) Some past

experiences with her, as well as with some of my other relatives, taught me that I

would be treated meanly and silenced by the people who were supposed to love

8/10/2019 Week_7 eft


me unconditionally, that I would never be good enough to receive their love. So

the safe thing to do when I reinvented myself as Emily _____ (my new middle

name) was to do so with a closed heart that would protect me from hurt.

Looking back, I see that the romantic relationships I had from that time

forward were not particularly loving, and I had a lot of doubts about them from the

beginning—it always felt as though there was something big missing. Three

years ago, when I got out of the last one, which had not been long but had been

emotionally abusive, I decided that I was just going to date casually, have fun,

and figure myself out. I did that for two years, finally decided that I was ready for

a serious relationship, but then the men who kept appearing in my life and who I

found attractive ended up being emotionally unavailable. They seemed like great

guys at first, but they quickly ran off because of their own issues and insecurities,

without giving me any of the love I deserved, and I just kept feeling hurt.

So I started tapping on “Even though Emily _____ closed her heart off when

she stopped being Emily _____ (my previous middle name)…” and wow, that got

quite the emotional reaction! I tapped on that for a long time and the intensity

went from a 10 to a 2 in a few rounds. I then integrated the part of the third

statement from the article about “...I respect and embrace all of me and all I have

ever been through no matter what my name was or what I used to be called,” and

got that intensity down from a 7 to a 0.

I then switched gears and began to visualize my heart opening. What I saw

wasn’t stony and cold, but a beautiful, vibrant, red beating heart. I started tapping

on that image, using “What if my heart was beating beautifully and vibrantly?”

8/10/2019 Week_7 eft


and “What if my heart was open and vulnerable?” I then visualized my heart

radiating white energy out toward other people and I tapped on “What if my heart

was open to giving love to others?” for a round. Then I switched to “What if my

heart was open to receiving love from others?” while visualizing my heart

receiving brilliant white light from the people in my life. Again, my intensity on this

went from an 8 to a 2 after a round of tapping. It was all quite powerful.

Following this, I did a couple more rounds using Pat Carrington’s Choices

Method: “I choose to know that I am Emily ____ and that my heart is open to

giving and receiving love,” getting my intensity down to a 0. Finally, I turned to

using the tapping phrases suggested in Carol Look’s “What If” in regard to

relationships, followed by the sequence she does more generally on abundance

(changing the phrasing to “abundantly happy and successful,” rather than

“abundance and wealth”), and wow, that was really cool! By the time I tapped

through all of her phrases, my energy felt like it was humming and radiating

outward, and I felt as though all the possibility in the world was open to me.

I may have more work to do on this yet, but I’m excited to see who I attract

into my life, now that my heart is actually open to love!

* * *

Now that Emily truly and deeply believes it, it’s only a matter of time till she

sees it.

Your Primary Love Relationship Is with Yourself

Each year I teach workshops in Europe in the spring. I love teaching EFT and

one of my favorite settings is Paris in May and June, so I set up my schedule to

8/10/2019 Week_7 eft


teach there most years, after which I take a vacation in France. During one of

these workshops, a woman volunteered for a demonstration. “Sophie,” a tall,

slender, beautiful psychotherapist, said her problem is that she attracts men to

whom she gives a lot but who don’t give much back to her. She was baffled that,

despite all her training, she still gets into dysfunctional relationships with men.

When I began to work with her, I ignored her adult problems, and probed

down her time line for earlier events. Sure enough, we found that while she was

quite happy with the adult Sophie, underneath, she was full of self-loathing for

the infant and teenage versions of herself. We found one pivotal event that

occurred when she was twelve years old. She lived with her father and

stepmother, but her stepmother resented having a young girl in the house. She

wanted Sophie’s father’s attention all to herself, and didn’t like sharing it with

Sophie. One day, Sophie came home from school and had a terrible row with her

stepmother. Her stepmother pushed her toward the front door and said, “You

don’t belong here.”

As we tapped and talked, Sophie was completely overcome by grief and

began crying uncontrollably. The other workshop participants, who were mostly

therapists or life coaches, were uncomfortable at the level of emotion being

expressed. The room became hot. I thought to myself, “This well of grief is so

deep, how can EFT ever drain it?” Yet we kept tapping, since I know from

experience that emotions run through a cycle, and EFT usually helps them move

through that cycle quickly.

As I probed for additional aspects, Sophie and I were both surprised to

8/10/2019 Week_7 eft


discover that a quite different aspect held the most emotional charge. When her

father came home from work that particular afternoon, he took his wife’s side. He

told Sophie that she was to blame for the incident, and that she had provoked her

stepmother. Sophie ended that day crying disconsolately in her room.

Because Sophie’s grief was so great, we used an unusual technique. We

projected the adult Sophie back in time to comfort her twelve-year-old self. She

appeared in the bedroom where the young Sophie was crying and told her that

everything was going to turn out fine. She showed Sophie how successful she

was in the present. The young Sophie stopped crying, and the adult, present-day

Sophie was able to tell the story of the incident with a low SUD level throughout.

We then worked on an early childhood incident with a similar emotional tone,

and again had the adult Sophie project herself back in time. By the end of the

session, she was cradling the newborn Sophie in her arms, calm and happy.

After the session, she told the group that the primary person she needs to

establish a soul mate relationship with is herself. The primary missing love

relationship for her wasn’t a man; it was Sophie. She needed to spend time with

each earlier version of her, and incorporate them into who she is now. Only then,

did she feel, would she be able to bring a whole and complete self to a new

relationship. Once she’d taken care of herself, she’d be able to attract a man who

was also capable of taking care of himself. She’d change the template of

caretaking in her own brain, and that would set a similar resonance in her

external relationships.

The soul mate you seek may be yourself!

8/10/2019 Week_7 eft


Why do we have such a difficult time finding love, despite all our best

intentions? As he ponders this question, EFT practitioner Stefan Gonick identifies

the three most common blocks to finding a soul mate.

Clearing the Barriers to Healthy Love

By Stefan Gonick

Many people find themselves in an endless and frustrating search for love.

They either have an extremely hard time finding a partner or end up having a

series of unhappy and unsuccessful relationships.

Why is finding love so hard for so many people? The truth is that most people

aren’t aware of their own blocks to finding love, so they aren’t in a position to

change their outcome. Once these blocks are understood, however, EFT can be

a powerful solution for clearing them and finally having a wonderful and

successful love life.

In my opinion, there are three main types of barriers to finding the love of your

life:

1. You are strongly attracted to the wrong people.

2. You have blocks to being with the right people, leading to self-sabotage.

3. You are not aligned with bringing your soul mate into your life.

In this article, I will focus on the first barrier of being attracted to the wrong

people and how to heal that with EFT.

If you are attracted to the wrong people, then all of your time and energy will

be wasted in painful, dead-end relationships. This unhappy situation will

8/10/2019 Week_7 eft


obviously make it hard to find and be with the right person. So, what causes you

to be attracted to the wrong people?

As you grow up, you unconsciously form an image of your future partner

based on the strongest traits of your parents, both good and bad. You will then

be subconsciously attracted to people with similar traits. This is not a problem for

the good traits, but it can be a big problem for the bad ones.

For instance, let’s say that your father had a number of good traits, including

intelligence, strength, and humor. He also tended to be emotionally distant and

unavailable, however. A woman who grew up in this environment would tend to

find intelligent, strong, humorous, emotionally unavailable men the sexiest men

on the planet! It’s all good, except for that one fatal flaw. Sound familiar?

Similarly, if a man grew up with a warm, loving, and giving mother who also

happened to be insecure and needy, what kind of women might he be drawn to?

It is important to note that you are not limited to being attracted to the traits of the

parent of the opposite sex. Your subconscious image can be a combination of

either or both parents.

Finding Love Exercise: Your Parents’ Negative Traits

Think about your parents’ negative traits. In fact, write them down. When you

have the list of negative traits from both parents, see if there is any commonality

with your past relationships. You may be surprised (even horrified).

Breaking out of the Bad Relationship Blues

When a parent has a strong negative trait, it puts you as a child in the painful

position of not having an important need met. For instance, in the example of

8/10/2019 Week_7 eft


having an emotionally distant father, the unmet need was being emotionally close

to Daddy, which also validates one’s worth as a person.

As an adult, you are then attracted to people with similar negative traits as

your parents. Unfortunately, it doesn’t stop there. You also can get hooked on

trying to get the original unmet need met with this new partner. Since this partner

has the same negative trait as your parent, however, you won’t be able to get

your need met with this person either! For example, just as your father didn’t

meet your need for closeness, an emotionally distant partner will not meet your

need for closeness either.

In this situation, due to the presence of a powerful force, you may keep

repeating the same unhappiness you experienced in childhood. You see, the

child part of you has never given up on trying to be close to Daddy, and your

romantic partner is being a stand-in for Daddy (or Mommy). This isn’t weird or

sick—it’s perfectly normal!

The unhappy paradox here is that you are drawn to people who also won’t

meet your needs, instead of being drawn to people who would be good at

meeting your needs. Yikes! Wouldn’t it make sense to be with people who could

meet your needs instead of ones who won’t? Clearly yes, but in order to do that,

you need to address that powerful force keeping you stuck.

Healing the Original Wound of the Unmet Childhood Need

So how do you get yourself out of this mess? The answer is that you have to

heal the original wound of not getting your need met by your parent. Once you

have done this, you will no longer be drawn to people with that same negative

8/10/2019 Week_7 eft


trait. You will instead be drawn to people who can meet your needs. In the

example of the distant father, you would stop being drawn to distant partners and

instead be drawn to people who are capable of being emotionally close.

There are two parts to healing the original wound so that you can break out of

this pattern. The first part is to work through the pain of your parent’s negative

trait and the pain of not getting the associated need met by that parent. It’s the

pain of the original wound that keeps you locked into the pattern of trying to get

your needs met with similar people. Your young wounded self gets frozen in time,

never giving up on getting your need met by your parent. Releasing the original

pain frees that part of you. This is where EFT can be such a powerful help.

The second part is to learn to give to yourself what you didn’t get from your

parents when you were growing up. You see, when your parents meet your

needs, you enter adulthood having naturally learned to fulfill those needs for

yourself. For example, when a parent is close to you and gives you good

attention, you feel validated as a person and are able as an adult to validate

yourself. When your parent does not validate you, you don’t learn how to validate

yourself. Instead, as an adult you look to other people to validate you.

Unfortunately, you are attracted to people who, like your parents, won’t validate

you. Paradoxically, if you learn how to validate yourself, you will be attracted to

people who will be able to be close and validating. Wouldn’t that be wonderful?

So how do you heal the childhood wound of the unmet need with EFT?

Unfortunately, I can’t give you a formula with a standard set of tapping phrases. I

can, however, give you guidelines for healing the wound with EFT. To sum it up,

8/10/2019 Week_7 eft


you need to address memories (or scenarios, if you don’t have specific

memories) in which you experienced painfully your parent’s negative trait. You

need to tap on the pain of the negative trait, as well as on the pain of not getting

the associated need met.

For instance, let’s say that you had a critical parent, which has led to you

being attracted to critical partners. You would want to tap on painful memories of

being criticized while you were growing up. When tapping on those memories,

also tap on the pain of not being accepted as you are. This was the associated

unmet need. You might tap on the specific criticisms that you heard from your

parent to help release the pain in a targeted way. You would then tap on the pain

of not being accepted for the things for which you were criticized.

Giving to Yourself What You Didn’t Get from Your Parents

Finally, you will want to give yourself the acceptance that you didn’t get from

your parent, so tap on accepting yourself for those same things your parents

didn’t accept in you. One way to do this is to use Pat Carrington’s Choices

Method. For instance, you might tap on something like:

Even though Dad didn’t accept me for _____ (fill in issue), I choose to accept

myself for _____ (issue) with warmth, love, and appreciation.

Another way to do this is with deep inner child work facilitated by EFT. This is

something I do with my clients with dramatic results. In this type of work, you

develop a loving relationship with your wounded inner child to give directly to her

or him what your parent didn’t give to you. This is incredibly healing, but I don’t

have space in this article to describe it here.

8/10/2019 Week_7 eft


In both cases, the general idea and goal is to learn to satisfy the unmet need

yourself by giving to yourself what you didn’t get from your parent.

Once you have released the pain from your parent’s negative behavior and

the unmet need and learned to satisfy that need for yourself, you will be free. You

will have broken out of the doomed pattern of being attracted to the wrong

people, and you will finally be able to attract and move toward healthy love.

* * *

As Stefan shows us, the key is releasing our past relationship templates and

creating new ones based on our authentic present-day intentions, rather than the

leftover wounds of childhood. The encouraging flip side to this equation is that

when we heal our history, we create a new and positive future.

When you heal yourself, emotionally and physically, the results often spill

over into your relationships. In this story, Judy, who’s working on health issues

with EFT trainer Alina Frank, expands her focus to her relationship, with

surprising results.

Self-Healing Spills Over to Love Relationships

By Alina Frank

Judy asked me to help her with a health issue that she had been trying to

clear up on her own with EFT. The emotional core issue was her fear of people in

her life leaving or abandoning her. Throughout her life she had experienced loss,

first by her very young mother who left Judy to be raised primarily by her

grandparents and then later by a series of friends, lovers, and coworkers.

8/10/2019 Week_7 eft


We acknowledged all of these and tapped every memory that had any

intensity left. One of the gifts of EFT is the generalization effect, which happened

here and thus we didn’t have to work on as many memories as I had originally

felt needed to be cleared.

During our last session, Judy realized that she also had a fear that her current

boyfriend would be leaving her soon and we worked on that as well. Two weeks

later, her boyfriend proposed to her!

* * *

Let’s work now on finding your soul mate with EFT! The following exercises

are designed to remove the internal blocks you may have, and rewire your brain

so that you can see the perfect soul mate even before that person shows up in

objective reality.

Week 7 Skill:

Exploring the Origins of Your Beliefs

Exercise: Looking Inside Yourself for the Source of Your Reactions to

Others

This week, I suggest you notice people to whom you have noticeable

emotional reactions, especially if they’re big reactions. You might feel

uncomfortable around your daughter’s boyfriend. Perhaps there’s a co-worker

with whom you feel strangely reticent. Perhaps you have a crush on a friend at

church. Treat that feeling as though it were any other emotional issue, and

8/10/2019 Week_7 eft


assign it a SUD level. Where in your body do you feel it, and how strong is it?

Write both down in your journal.

Person 1:

Body location:

Beginning Person SUD:

Now ask yourself EFTs powerful central question: What is the earliest time I

felt that same sensation in my body? Recall a specific event, preferably a

childhood event, when you felt that way. Write down your emotional intensity

around the event itself.

Event:

Body Location:

Beginning Event SUD:

Now do some rounds of tapping till your SUD level for the event is zero, or as

close to zero as possible. Write down your new SUD level.

Ending Event SUD:

Then, think again about the person who triggers you. Is your sensation still as

strong, or has it changed? Write down your new SUD level.

Ending Person SUD:

The chances are good that your reaction to this person in your current life is

tied to some way in which they reflect your childhood experience. Usually, as

your childhood event SUD level drops, your level of reactivity to similar people in

your present life drops too. If you keep thinking that it’s the current person

“causing” your feelings, you miss the opportunity to heal. You attach the feeling

8/10/2019 Week_7 eft


to an incorrect source. If you’re wise enough to look at childhood events, you can

use current stimuli as a useful method of pointing your attention to them. You

heal the early experience, and you suddenly find yourself being less triggered by

people in your present.

If you’re down to a zero for the first person you identified, pick another

person, and work through the exercise again with them as the trigger.

Homework Assignment 1: Discovering Your Existing Relationship Stories

Write a brief autobiography of your relationship journey in your personal

journal. Focus on milestones, such as when you first had sex, with whom, and

under what circumstances; when you got married; when you got divorced; when

you lost a relationship you prized; what events you regret; high points in your

relationship life, and so on. Notice if there are themes. These might be

commonalities like, “Men always leave me,” or “You always hurt the ones you

love most.”

Also notice common time lines. Do all your relationships last about the same

length of time? What’s the longest? The shortest?

Homework Assignment 2: Writing New Relationship Stories

Write up a new relationship story. What would you like your relationships to

look like? What are the characteristics of your ideal mate? Imagine you’re a

ghost at your own funeral. What are people saying about your characteristics in

relationships? How would you like their report to be different?

8/10/2019 Week_7 eft


Looking at the notes you’ve made, write a paragraph in your journal, that

you’d like to be read during your eulogy, that describes your ideal vision for your

relationship life.

Further Resources

Feinstein, David, & Krippner, Stanley. Personal Mythology: Using Ritual, Dreams,and Imagination to Discover Your Inner Story. Santa Rosa, CA: EnergyPsychology Press, 2006.

Shealy, Norman, and Church, Dawson. Soul Medicine: Awakening Your Inner

Blueprint for Abundant Health and Energy . Santa Rosa, CA: Energy Psychology

Press, 2008.

Week_7 eft

Documents

Transcript of Week_7 eft