Waver Riders Week 2 Lecture Boys Brains and Biology“diggers and!dumpLtrucks”!endof...
Transcript of Waver Riders Week 2 Lecture Boys Brains and Biology“diggers and!dumpLtrucks”!endof...
Boys Brains and Biology Hello everyone and welcome to Wave Riders. This week we get to take a look at information about the biology behind boys’ development and how that can influence their behavior and what they need from us. Of course, there’s always a debate about whether or not boys are born “hard wired” to be a certain way or if we socialize them to be a certain way. Like most things in life, we now know it is some of both. But before we dig in to that information, I want to talk a little bit about the elephant that shows up in the room whenever I begin to discuss one sex (boys) as opposed to giving both sexes equal time.
There are men and boys, women and girls who fall all over the spectrum of masculinity and femininity, and I am not about to enter into the political, social and religious debate that surrounds this issue. Just like all of you, I have my own thoughts and beliefs, but those are NOT within the scope of what I cover in this class.
There are boys who are naturally on the “diggers and dump-‐‑trucks” end of the spectrum and some who would rather spend time playing house and choose to avoid sports. Some boys may naturally be more stoic, shy away from hugs and be more on the wild, rambunctious, physical end of things. On the other hand, some boys love hugs, wear their feelings on their sleeves
and shy away from violence and “full contact” play. In this class, we’ll look at how we can foster emotional health for ALL of them, because they will all face their own unique challenges. The sensitive guys can get the message that there’s something wrong with them because they’re not tough enough, and the rough and wild fellas may get labeled as ADHD or “behavior problems” because of their energy and actions. In both cases, boys will benefit from a solid dose of emotional intelligence.
With all of that said, there are some concerning trends and statistics that emerge when we look at boys vs. girls. It’s worthwhile to note that girls now out-‐‑perform boys in ALL academic areas, even math and science. They outnumber boys in college enrollment as well. This was not previously the case, and these are great gains for girls and women. It is movement in the right direction. However, it does
not need to be a zero sum game. Success for girls does not need to mean keeping boys down, or vice versa. Take a look at the graphic above.
These are pretty tough statistics. However, it is very important to understand why I share them. I am NOT making the case that boys have it worse than girls. I am making the case that many boys are in need of help. EVERYONE benefits when we raise emotionally healthy boys, because emotionally UNHEALTHY boys and men can
make a pretty big mess of their own lives and all the other lives that they come in contact with.
So, what are the main factors that make a difference in boys’ emotional health? Part of it is nature: the biology, genetics, and brain science at work in boys. Part of it is nurture: they way that parents, caregivers, and
society raise boys. Part of it has to do with how they grown in emotional intelligence and if adults in their lives have the tools they need to help them gain emotional intelligence. Guidance plays a role as well, and we will talk about all of these during our time together in this course. To kick things off, however, we’ll start with the B.B.B.: Boys, Biology and Brains.
Brains Boys’ brains are different than the brains of girls even when boys are still in the womb. As you can see from the diagram, the brain stem forms first. The brain stem is the lizard brain, and it is pretty much all about feeding, fighting, fleeting and
survival. The mid-‐‑brain forms around the brain stem beginning in weeks 5 and 7. This is where the memory and emotional centers of the brain are located. Then the thinking and reasoning part of the brain begins to form around the mid-‐‑brain (11 weeks and onward in the diagrams). Up
until 5 weeks of development, boy and girl babies look the same in the womb. To tell the difference, you’d have to test them genetically to find out what sex they are. At 6-‐‑7 weeks of development, that changes. For boys, the mother’s womb begins to bathe them in testosterone. Testosterone is critical to making the bodies of boys develop physically into male bodies instead of female bodies. Facial structure, bone structure and genitals are only a few of the changes that take place.
While testosterone does many positive things, at a certain point it actually causes damage to the developing brain. It changes its color makes the left side grow slower than the right side. At this point in the brain development, the corpus callosum begins to form. These are the nerves that weave back and forth to connect the two sides of the brain. They make it possible for people to process emotion quickly and to think easily with both sides of the brain. Since testosterone has made the left side a little smaller at this point, some of the connections coming from the right side get turned back. Fewer connections are made, and the right side becomes more neuron-‐‑
dense than the left. Even into adulthood, women have larger corpus callosum and men have more dense right hemispheres.
Let’s fast forward to when boys and girls are in their childhood years. Scientists do brain scans that show what parts of the brain are working when children do different tasks. When children are looking at pictures that have an emotional connection or cause them to process emotional
data, boys’ and girls’ brains light up differently. For girls, both sides of the brain light up for both tasks. For boys, different sides of the brain light up. I’ve tried to capture it in a nutshell in the table above.
This doesn’t mean that boys CAN’T talk about their emotions. It just means that they are mainly using DIFFERENT parts of their brains to talk and process emotions. Since there are fewer connections between those two sides of the brain, it can take them longer to be able to talk about what they are feeling. It can be frustrating for them when others rush them or seem to be leaving them behind. It can also be very frustrating if they are interrupted because it messes up their processing. Verbal language will not be the “go to” way for most boys to work through their feelings. As the song says, word get in the way.
So, if not verbally, then how do boys process those emotions? You guessed it: physically. Their emotions will come out much more often in actions than in words. That doesn’t necessarily mean they will come out VIOLENTLY. Physical emotional processing can be anything form being fidgety and restless to Lego building, throwing a ball, climbing outside, or any number of other physical activities. The problem is that physical expressions of emotion are frequently not allowed and sometimes punished.
Another sign of emotional processing is tears. Crying and tears are actually the body’s signal that emotional processing and release is happening. Tears mean things are working right, and they are pretty involuntary when emotional processing is taking place. Here’s a link to a video on my website that shows this in action in a
pretty cute way. http://fiddlehouse.com/2014/02/05/dad-‐‑teaches-‐‑son-‐‑emotional-‐‑intelligence/
And, of course, what message do boys frequently get when they cry? They are often told that big boys don’t cry. Toughen up. Get over it. Stop crying. If they hear that over and over again, it doesn’t take too long before boys internalize the message that they aren’t supposed to feel anything. Boys can’t have emotion. We’ll talk about some of the dire
consequences of this in week 3.
Finally, boys will often process emotion non-‐‑verbally. It may seem like they are being non-‐‑responsive or ignoring you. Maybe they are distant or sullen. They might want alone time or get crabby when someone bothers them. Often, if this is the case, there’s some emotional data stewing under the lid. Sometimes it can help to give them a physical outlet or even something like drawing or music to facilitate the non-‐‑
verbal processing.
Let’s get back to brains. There are a couple more parts of the brain that are very important for understanding boys: the limbic system and specifically the amygdala.
The limbic system is the emotional computer of the
brain. It is responsible for “caring” feelings and attachment behaviors. It’s the part of the brain that helps us feel empathy, compassion, love, and in general to feel sensitive to others. It makes us nice people and helps us get along with each other. When it’s working well, it teams up with the frontal cortex (thinking and reasoning), which results in good choices when emotions are present. We experience the emotional data, the brain thinks about all of the ways it could respond, and we choose the one that is going to make us happiest or provide the best result.
The amygdala throws a wrench in the works. The amygdala is the emotional reactor of the brain. When stress or threat are perceived by the brain, the amygdala responds by shutting down access to the thinking and reasoning part of the brain and accessing the fight, flight, survive part of the brain. It has been called the RAGE trigger of the brain. It hijacks our emotions and even our physical responses, because the hormones it releases make us want to move (i.e. pacing the floor when anxious). Here’s a short list of what the amygdala does:
• Triggers the release of adrenaline (increased heart rate, muscle strength, quickness, intensity, and drive).
• Triggers aggression (fight/flight) • Triggers feelings of fear and danger. • Zaps the limbic system with chemicals that irritate it and put it in a nasty,
pissed off mood (remember that’s the “caring and attached” part of the brain). • Precipitates violence, risk, panic, and reactiveness.
In boys, the amygdala is much bigger than in girls. In fact, during its development, it is highly responsive to testosterone. It’s worth noting that the amygdala in the males of almost all species is larger. It’s likely a hangover from when men had to react quickly to threats from animals during hunting or to defend villages from invaders. That makes sense, because in those situations, the males who could respond the
most violently and quickly would be the ones who would survive. However, a large abut it doesn’t really help things when boys are fighting over a toy in the classroom.
Not only is the amygdale in boys larger, it is more sensitive and reactive.
For some , especially boys who have experienced trauma, abuse and neglect, it is a hair trigger.
A discussion of boys biology wouldn’t be complete without talking about testosterone. Boys have a big testosterone surge at birth and at puberty. Some people say they have another one at ages 4-‐‑5, but there’s debate about that.
When boys have a lot of testosterone on board, the more risky or “dangerous” something is, the more appealing it will be. When we wish they would be cautious, they will feel like jumping in
with both feet. Testosterone also makes being aggressive feel right. They may know that it’s wrong somewhere deep in their thinking brain, but testosterone is like the devil on their shoulder whispering in their ear telling them that lashing out is really the best thing to do. Competing, boasting, fighting and arguing feel GOOD and are almost irresistible when testosterone is running the show. And since testosterone is an immediate release hormone, it will demand that boys do things NOW. No delayed response allowed. Finally, and this becomes very important, testosterone is all about linear problem solving. What is linear problem solving, you might ask? Well I’ll tell you.
Linear problem solving says that there is only ONE way out. The opposite of linear problems solving is complex problems solving. Complex problems solving says that there are many possible ways that one could solve a problem and that we should choose the best one. Linear problem solving only sees
one way out, and testosterone demands that you DO IT NOW!
In general, boys have a 25% higher level of testosterone than girls during childhood (ages 2-‐‑11) As you can see from the graphic on the left, 25% makes a significant difference in the way things feel. It’s worth noting that when they measure testosterone in boys, it fluctuates a lot during the day. There are spikes when it is higher and times when it is lower. It’s usually higher in the morning. Also some boys have a lot more than others. When boys hit puberty, their testosterone level goes up 700%. That’s a galactically mindblowing surge of hormones.
The other brain chemical that plays a big role is serotonin. If testosterone is the gas pushed down to the floor, serotonin is the brakes. It makes all of the emotions more mellow. It is the hormone that is behind you feeling happy about things. Along with dopamine, it tells your brain that
you like things. It’s optimistic. It knocks out depression. On average, boys have 20% lower levels of serotonin than girls.
I know that all of this biology information can be a little bit overwhelming and may seem a little drastic. It can almost make it seem like it’s hopeless for boys, and that’s not true at all, which is why I provide the link to the week 2 video. If you haven’t watched it yet (about the group of 5th grade band of brothers) you should probably do it now. That video is a great example of how sensitive, caring and emotionally intelligent boys can be. The key lesson in all of this is to understand a little bit better what’s going on under the hood so we can better help boys to become the strong, healthy, caring, responsible guys that they can be.
It also helps us understand what’s going on when we see them frustrated, violent, active, wild and crazy. It certainly DOES NOT mean that boys should have a get-‐‑off-‐‑free pass when they act inappropriately. It DOES mean that some boys will be more prone to some of those inappropriate behaviors. If we have boys like that, we can have a more informed and intentional approach to our teaching and coaching. We’ll go over some of those strategies in week 5 and discuss practical ways to help them learn the skills necessary for emotional regulation.
Remember that many times boys are as confused by what they do and how they feel as we are.