Vulgar the Viking and the Spooky School Trip - Chapter 1
22
description
Chapter One of "Vulgar the Viking and the Spooky School Trip" by Odin Redbeard, published by Nosy Crow. Buy the book: http://amzn.to/QILBUm
Transcript of Vulgar the Viking and the Spooky School Trip - Chapter 1
LOOK OUT FOR MORESTORIES OF MAYHEM
AND CHAOS IN
VULGAR THE VIKINGAND THE ROCK CAKE RAIDERS
VULGAR THE VIKINGAND THE GREAT GULP GAMES
VULGAR THE VIKINGAND THE TERRIBLE TALENT SHOW
ILLUSTRATED BYSARAH HORNE
First published in the UK in 2012 by Nosy Crow LtdThe Crow’s Nest, 10a Lant St
London, SE1 1QR, UK
Nosy Crow and associated logos are trademarks and/orregistered trademarks of Nosy Crow Ltd
Text copyright © Hothouse Fiction, 2012Illustrations © Sarah Horne, 2012
The right of Hothouse Fiction and Sarah Horne to be identified as the authorand illustrator respectively of this work has been asserted by them in accordance
with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
A CIP catalogue record for this book will be available from the British Library
All rights reserved
1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2
This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of tradeor otherwise, be lent, hired out or otherwise circulated in any form of
binding or cover other than that in which it is published. No part of thispublication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system,
or transmitted in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical,photocopying, recording or otherwise) without the prior
written permission of Nosy Crow Ltd.
Printed and bound in the UK by Clays Ltd, St Ives Plc
Papers used by Nosy Crow are made from wood grown in sustainable forests.
ISBN: 978 0 85763 060 5
www.nosycrow.com
With special thanks toBarry Hutchison
!
!"#$%&'()*'!+,+-$'%-.'()*'/011,2'/3)11#'(&+0
"#$%&'()*+',$"-)&*)."#**/“!"#$ %&'( )*+, -*./'012 !"#$, 3"#$4”5+67"1 '(0 5&$&.7 /%&809 %&'( (&/
/%*19, /6"/(&.7 '(0 "&1 ".9 91&:&.7 3"#$ " /6&-) /0" /0180.' '("' ("9 0-01709, +.0;80#'096), <1*- '(0 9+#$ 8*.9 &. (&/ (*-0 :&66"70 *< !6+33012=1*+.9 (&-, '(0 *'(01 :&66"701/ %010
1+..&.7 &. '011*1, /#10"-&.7 ".9 %"&6&.7 "/ '(0) (+11&09 '* /"<0')2 5+67"1 /'**9
!"#$%&'()*'!+,+-$'%-.'()*'/011,2'/3)11#'(&+0
!
!"# $%&'()* +, -"$!-,(,) !"# $%". &( !"# /%&0)#1&%) 0() 2&&3,) -!, 4&(#-,% "( -!, ,5,*
“6&' -!"(3 5&' 70( 7!022,($, 0 !"#$ 8"3"($9” 8'2$0% 0#3,)* +, -!%,1 /073 !"# !,0) 0() 20'$!,)* “:,- 4, #,, 5&' -%5;”
<"-! 0 %&''= -!, #,%.,(- %&#, '. -& "-# >'22 !,"$!-* ?- -&1,%,) 0/&@, !"4= /2&73"($ &'- -!, #'( "-#,2>* ?-# -,%%"/2, A01# &.,(,)* B!, #4,22 &> %&--,( 1!02, 4,0- %&22,) &'-= 0() -!,( -!, 7%,0-'%, #.&3, "( 0 @&"7, 2"3, -!'(),%C “<03,5 103,5= #2,,.5!,0)*”
8'2$0% /2"(3,)* +, 2&1,%,) !"# #1&%)* “D4= 1!0-9”E&4,-!"($
#!&&3 !"# #!&'2),%# 0() -!, #,0 #,%.,(-
!
!"#$%&'()*'!+,+-$'%-.'()*'/011,2'/3)11#'(&+0
!"#$%&'( $# " %)$*+$#, -$%./01+,"* 23'#'(
&$% '4'% "#( %") &$% -1-’% 5"6' +'"#$#, 2!'* &$-/ 7. )"%#’. "% .'**$54$#, "% .&' %'" -2#%.'*’% 5"6' &"( 8''#9 81. $. )"% " 6+2%' *1# .&$#,/
“:*'"-$#, ","$#;” %&' "%<'(/01+,"* #2(('( %+''3$+4/
=' %&21+( &"!' <#2)# $. )"% " (*'"-/ >2.&$#, .&". '?6$.$#, !"!# &"33'#'( $# @+188'*/ A&' %6"*$'%. .&$#, $# 01+,"*’% !$++",' )"% 3*28"8+4 &$% -1-’% 622<$#,/
“B&$6& )"% $. .&$% .$-'; A&' %'" %'*3'#. 2* .&' '?3+2($#, &'+-'.;”
!"#$%&'()*'!+,+-$'%-.'()*'/011,2'/3)11#'(&+0
!
“!"# $#% $#&'#()*” +,-.%& $%/01 2# )&/#0 )3 "3-0 3( )3 )"# 0&#%4* 5,) /) 6%$ %-&#%07 8%0/(. %6%71 2# 7%6(#0 %(0 ',--#0 )"# 5-%(9#) )/.")#& %&3,(0 "/41 :%75# /8 "# 6#() 5%;9 )3 $-##' 83& % 6"/-#...
“<3(’) #=#( )"/(9 %53,) /)1 >3,’&# .3/(. )3 5# -%)# %$ /) /$*” $%/0 "/$ 4,41 2#-.%
6%$ )"# -%&.#$) %(0 $)&3(.#$) 634%( /( %-- 38 ?-,55#&1
!
!"#$%&'()*'!+,+-$'%-.'()*'/011,2'/3)11#'(&+0
!"# $%& &'()*+#( '"%* ,)&' )- '"# ,#*. '))/ 01'" )*# "%*2 &"# '133#2 43 546+%(’& 7#2/ 8# &9(#%,#2 $1'" -(1+"' %& "# &3166#2 )* ') '"# 9)62 &')*# -6))(/546+%( 6)):#2 43 1* '1,# -)( % +(#;
'4*19 ') 6%*2 )* "1& "#%2/ “<4' '"%' )*.” 8#6+% ')62 "1,/ “= $%*' ;)4 ') 6)): &,%(' -)( ;)4( -1(&' 2%; 7%9: %' &9"))6/”>1?# ,1*4'#& 6%'#(. 546+%( &"4--6#2 1*')
'"# :1'9"#* %*2 36)*:#2 "1,- 2)$* )* '"# 7#*9" 7; '"# '%76#/ 81& 2%2. 8%(%62. $%& '"#(#. &3(#%21*+ +)%' 74''#( )* % &619# )- 74(*' 7(#%2/
!"#$%&'()*'!+,+-$'%-.'()*'/011,2'/3)11#'(&+0
!
!"##$% &$'() (*+,&- .%*% /$0"12 +3 '14 2%##"12 -#+() "1 5"- #5"16 ."-30 &%'*47
“89*1"126 :+$2'*6” ;'*'$4 (5"*3%47 “<=("#%4 '&9+# 29"12 &'() #9 -(599$>”:+$2'* 4"41’# 5'?% #9 #5"1) '&9+# 5"-
'1-.%*7 “@96” 5% -"25%47 “@9# *%'$$07”A5%*% .'- ' !"#$% '- ' 3"%(% 9/
&$'()%1%4 #9'-# .'- 3+# 49.1 "1 /*91# 9/ 5",7 “<'# +36” -'"4 ;%$2'7 “B9+ 491’# .'1# #9 &% $'#% /9* ($'--6 49 09+>”
“C%$$6 '(#+'$$0...” -'"4 :+$2'*7
!
!"#$%&'()*'!+,+-$'%-.'()*'/011,2'/3)11#'(&+0
“!"# $%"&&'( )"* "+,,-*$. /+0$ &1 0&23 '-1*#” $+-/ 4+3+'/(52'6+3 $"2//*3*/( 4* 3*+''0 "&,*/ ."+.
7+$8’. .32*(“9&2 '*+38 $& :2%"#” 4+3+'/ %&8.-82*/
."3&26" + :&2."12' &1 ;238. ;3*+/( “<*+/-86 ... *3 ... &."*3 $.211( = 7&2'/8’. ;* 7"*3* = +: .&/+0 -1 = "+/8’. $.2%> -. +. $%"&&'(”
“9&2’3* + .&-'*. %'*+8*3# /+/#” 52'6+3 $+-/(
“?@+%.'0A” %3-*/ 4+3+'/( “!8/ -1 0&2 7&3> "+3/ +. $%"&&'# :+0;* &8* /+0 0&2 %+8 ;* + .&-'*. %'*+8*3# .&&(”
“= /&8’. 7+8. .& ;* + .&-'*. %'*+8*3# ."&26"( = 7+8. .& ;* + !"#$ 5->-86( = 7+8. '&&.-86 +8/ ,-''+6-86# 8&. $%32;;-86 +8/ ... :&3* $%32;;-86(”4+3+'/ '&&>*/ "23.( “= /&8’. B2$. $%32;#”
"* :2..*3*/( “= ,&'-$"# .&&(”“5->-86 $%"&&' $"&2'/ ;* +;&2. ,3&,*3
!"#$%&'()*'!+,+-$'%-.'()*'/011,2'/3)11#'(&+0
!
!"#"$% &'())*” !(+%,- &"%./01 “2(' '-3 '/++"$% '.,' '4 4(- '/,5./-1”
“6,'*” &,"0 7/+%,* &$,88"$% 4)) , 8"/5/ 4) './ 9-/,0 ,$0 &.4:"$% "' "$ !(+%,-’& ;4('.1 “<,%;,- './ <(++ .,& 9//$ 2+(99/-’& '/,5./- )4- ,& +4$% ,& = 5,$ -/;/;9/-1 >./-/’& $4'."$% ?-4$% ?"'. .";1”
“@) 54(-&/ './-/’& &4;/'."$% ?-4$% ?"'. .";*” &,"0 !(+%,-* 9/'?//$ 5./?&1 “7/’& 0(++1”
“A/++* 3/&*” &,"0 7/+%,1 “2(' ./’& :/-3 ... -/+",9+/1”!"#$%&#' &()$*+* '.4(%.' !(+%,-* 9(' ."&
;4('. ?,& '44 )(++ '4 &,3 "'1 B &.,-8 '(% ,' ."& .,"- ;,0/ ."; 3/+8 ,$0 &8-,3 5-(;9& ,++ 4:/- 7,-,+01 7/ '-"/0 '4 '(-$ ."& ./,0* 9(' ."& ;(; ?,& .4+0"$% "' &'/,031
“<4$’' ;4:/ 4- 34(’++ .,:/ 34(- /3/ 4('*” &./ &,"0* 54;"$% ,' ."; ?"'.
!
!"#$%&'()*'!+,+-$'%-.'()*'/011,2'/3)11#'(&+0
! "#$%& %&' &!( )!(' *#+) #',-(''# !-./'#%0 1&' .$22'( !-( 3$//'( !. .&' 4-+.% ,- 5$/2!#’% /+-26 2#'!%7 &!,# "$. )+%. +* .&') #'*$%'( .+ 8+)' +$.6 !-( %&' 9!% *+#8'( .+ !(),. ('*'!.0
“:&!.’// &!;' .+ (+6” %&' %!,(6 %,2&,-20 1&' &!-('( &,) &,% &'/)'. !-( &' 3$//'( ,. +-0 <'/2! &!( 3+/,%&'( .&' &'/)'.’% &+#-% %+ .&'7 2/'!)'(0 “=,2&.6 +** 7+$ 2+ .+ %8&++/6” %&' %!,(0 “>-( -+ 2'..,-2 ,-.+ .#+$"/'?”
!"#$%&'()*'!+,+-$'%-.'()*'/011,2'/3)11#'(&+0
!"
“!’"" #$%&” '()* +,"-($. /0 -1# ,2 3$14 #50 #(6"0 (7* ("41'# #$)220* 180$ 5)' 3"0(96)##07 *1-& :$,7#& ;51 ;(' '"002)7- 17 #50 <)#=507 3"11$. “>1$$%& :$,7#&” 50 '()*& #507 50 =($$)0* 17 1,# 13 #50 51,'0 (7* ("17- #50 7($$1; -($*07 2(#5.
/)' 60'# 3$)07*& ?7,#& ;(' "0(7)7- 17 #50 -(#0 ;()#)7- 31$ 5)4. +,"-($ -(80 5)' 3$)07* ( 71* 13 (22$18(". +,"-($ ;(' ,',(""% '=$,33%& 6,#
?7,# (";(%' ;07# 170 60##0$. /0 '"1,=50* (' 50 ;("<0*& (7* 5)' ="1#50' 5(* =$,42"0* #1 3)# 5)' '",420* '51,"*0$'. /)' 50"40# ;(' 17 #50 "($-0 ')*0& (7* 170 13
#50 51$7' 21)7#0* )7 #50 ;$17-
!!
!"#$%&'()*'!+,+-$'%-.'()*'/011,2'/3)11#'(&+0
!"#$%&"'() *$%+,-$ "& .+! -(+//$! '00 +(! *$$( -&,%1 *+%1 '( ,/-"!$ !'2(3
4'5/+#$! &' 6(,&) 7,89+#’- .+80:*#,-.$! .+"# +(! /'8"-.$! .'#(- 5+!$ ."5 8''1 8"1$ + /#"(%$3
“;''1"(9 0'#2+#! &' -%.''8<” +-1$! 6(,&3
“=')” 7,89+# -+"!3 “>',<”
6(,& ('!!$!3 “>$+.) ?’5 #$+88@ 8''1"(9 0'#2+#! &' "&3”
7,89+#’- A+2 !#'//$! '/$(3 “B.+&) #$+88@<”
“=') ('& #$+88@)” -+"! 6(,&) 8+,9."(9) +(! &.$@ -$& '00 &'2+#!- &.$ -%.''8) 2+81"(9 -8'28@ -"!$ *@ -"!$3 C.$@ 2$#$ .+802+@ &.$#$ 2.$( &.$@ .$+#! + 0+"(& !""# 0#'5 *$."(! &.$53
!"#$%&'()*'!+,+-$'%-.'()*'/011,2'/3)11#'(&+0
!"
!"#$%& '"&()* '+ ,-(* .&"(' ,+##+/-($ '0)12 30) *+$ /%$$)* 0-4 '%-# 0%55-#62
“.+ 0+1)7 .&"('7” !"#$%& 4%-*2 “8 0%9) '+ $+ '+ 4:0++#7 ;"' 6+" *+(’'2 <"(2 .)' %/%6 /0-#) 6+" 4'-## :%(2”.&"('’4 '%-# 4'+55)* /%$$-($2 =)
#++>)* ,&+1 !"#$%& '+ ?("'7 '0)( ;%:> %$%-(2 @-(%##67 0) '"&()* %(* 4#+5)* ;%:> +,, -( '0) *-&):'-+( +, '0) 0+"4)2
“A-40 8 :+"#* $+ 0+1)7” ?("' 4%-*2“B)%07” %$&))* !"#$%&2 “C) '++2”D ,)/ 1-("')4 #%')&7 '0)6 %&&-9)* -(4-*)
'0)-& :#%44&++12 30) 4:0++# /%4 % 41%## 4'+() ;"-#*-($ /-'0 % '0%':0)* &++, %(* % 4'&-5 +, 1"* +"'4-*) '0%' 5%44)* ,+& % 5#%6-($ ,-)#*2 8' 0%* E"4' +() :#%44&++12 D *+F)( +'0)& !->-($ :0-#*&)( /)&) $%'0)&)* -( -'2 G+1) +, '0)1 4%' +( '0) ;)(:0)42 G+1) +, '0)1 4'++* #)%(-($ %$%-(4' '0) /%##42 30)6 %## #++>)* E"4' %4 "(0%556 %4 !"#$%& ,)#'2
!"
!"#$%&'()*'!+,+-$'%-.'()*'/011,2'/3)11#'(&+0
!" !"#$%& #$$ %& '()*+ ,"-./)00 1")2#3 4#56(')" %& 7-.6 !$#&3 '() "5$)" %& 8$599)"3 (%::)4 );/-')4$2 &"%* &%%' '% &%%'+ <)" $%.6 9$%.4) (#-" =#0 '-)4 -. :)"&)/' :$#-'0+ <)" /$)#. =(-') 4")00 0:5. -. &"-$$2 /-"/$)0 #0 0() '5".)4 %. '() 0:%'+ 1")2# =#0 /$5'/(-.6 # 0*#$$ =%%4).
$%.60(-: -. ()" (#.40 #.4 /(#'')"-.6 '% #.2%.) =(% =%5$4 $-0').+
!"#$%&'()*'!+,+-$'%-.'()*'/011,2'/3)11#'(&+0
!"
“! "#$’% &$#' ()#*% %+, -,.% #/ 0#*1 )*% ! .2,$% 3#.% #/ %+, +#45"(0. #$ ( 6-*5., (-#*$" %+, /7#-".1” .+, .(5"8 “!% '(. 5$6-,"5)4,8 93(:5$;8 !"#$%&'$()”
“<#-5$;1” .(5" =*4;(-1 '5%+ ( 0('$8“>#*’-, 7*.% 7,(4#*.1” ?-,0( .$5//,"8
“<,6(*., 0#*’@, $,@,- ),,$ #$ ( -,(4 4#$;)#(% ),/#-,8”
A+, '(;;4," %+, '##",$ )#(% 5$ /-#$% #/ =*4;(-’. /(6,8 “B#'1 4,%’. +(@, ( 4##&1” .(5" =*4;(-1 ;-())5$; 5% /-#3 +,-8 C, +,4" 5% *2 ($" .%*"5," 5%8 D$, "(0 +,’" #'$ ( )#(% 45&, %+(%8 9 -,(4 #$,1 %##1 $#% 7*.% ( %#08
“E5@, 5% )(6&1” ?-,0( ",3($","8 A+, ;-())," /#- %+, )#(%1 )*% =*4;(- "#";," #*% #/ +,- '(08
“!’3 7*.% +(@5$; ( 4##&1” =*4;(- 2-#%,.%,"1 )*% ?-,0( "5"$’% 6(-,8 A+, 4*$;," ($" .$(%6+," %+, )#(% )(6&1 %+,$ .%*6& +,- %#$;*, #*% ($" /4(.+," =*4;(-
!"
!"#$%&'()*'!+,+-$'%-.'()*'/011,2'/3)11#'(&+0
! "#$% "#&'() *$'%!+ #!,( -. %+!/ 0.+ -1( /.!- !%!&23 /$- ! 0!#&'&!+ 4.&5( "-.66(, 1&#)
“7&%1-3 8.$ '.-3 9$&- 8.$+ #(""&2’3” "!&, :!++$#03 -1( 5+.-51(-8 .', *&;&2% <1. !5-(, !" =&2% >'!0’" !,4&".+) *$'%!+ -$+2(, &2 -&#( -. "(( :!++$#0’" '.2% %+(8 /(!+, (2-(+ "1!;&'8 -1+.$%1 -1(
!"#$%&'()*'!+,+-$'%-.'()*'/011,2'/3)11#'(&+0
!"
!""#$ %"&&"'(! )* +,( #(-+ "% ,./0 “1"2’#( (34(5+.67 +" )( ’89.67 :87/8# +(85,.67 *"2$ #.7,+;” He paused dramatically.
“<#"67=” >8##2/% 5"6+.62(!0 “>( '"6’+ )( ’(#($ "6 855"26+ "% ,./ ,89.6’ )((6 /"-+&* +#8/4&(! )* 8 /""-(0”
? /2#/2# "% (35.+(/(6+ '(6+ #"26! +,( 7#"240 :87/8# '8- +,( "6&* +(85,(# .6 @&2))(#0 “A" !"(- +,8+ /(86 '( 586 7" ,"/(;” 8-B(! C2&78#$ ,"4(%2&&*0
“D" 5,865($” -6844(! >8##2/%0 “<(’9( 7"+ 8 #(4&85(/(6+ %"# *"20”
“E+’- 6"+ *"2$ .- .+;” -8.! C2&78#0
!"
!"#$%&'()*'!+,+-$'%-.'()*'/011,2'/3)11#'(&+0
“!"# $%"#&' () $" &#*+,- ."/ 012$ $"3)"4) )&$)- 5"3)"4) 6%" 6"4’1 17+) 74, "8 ,"#9 3#*+04’ 7("#1- :)’$ ;&#(()9’$ 3"$1 873"#$ $"4- :)’$ 8)79)' 04 7&& 1)4 *"#4190)$ 04 1%) 6%"&) 60') 6"9&'- :)’$ 1%) "4)/ 1%) "4&,...”:799#38 '9#33)' %0$ 804<)9$ 7<704$1
1%) 1)7*%)9’$ ')$+- “!)$=” 3#3(&)' 1%) *&7$$-
“...>11" 1%) ;"4)?@9#4*%)9A”B 60') <904 &01 #C D#&<79’$ 87*)- >11"
1%) ;"4)?@9#4*%)9 67$ 7 !"#!$" D0+04<- :) 67$ C9"(7(&, 1%) 3"$1 !"#!$" D0+04< 6%" %7' )E)9 &0E)'-B %#&+04< $%7C) 04
74 )4"93"#$ %"94)' %)&3)1 '#*+)' 04 1%9"#<% 1%) '""9- F%0$ 67$ 3"9) &0+) 01A G7,() $*%""& 67$4’1 <"04< 1" () $" (7' 781)9 7&&-
