Breaking the Election Board - iSelection 2001 ':A personal account

Affirmative Action Trial

Update By T.J. WHARRY

I HAVE ALWAYS been big on seeing the inner workings of politics, and I have been

heavily involved in campus politics since I stepped foot on this campus. So, when I was asked to join the Election Board for the 2001 Fall Elections, I jumped at the opportunity. I was very curious to see how the Election Code worked, how the Board gave out demerits, and I wanted to know the inside scoop on any major scandals that ensued. Little did I know that the whole process would leave me soured on student government.

actions are loosely laid out in the Election Code, a small section of the MSA Compiled Code. Emphasis on "loosely."

The beginning of the Fall 2001 election season was kicked off with little action. One candidate was removed because

• he didn't sign his paperwork, and another was denied entry into the

election because she turned her paperwork in a day late. Beyond that, the cases brought befOre the Board were ticky-tack issues, such as someone's poster covering 1/8 th of an inch of someone else's, or someone

Continued BOARD on Page 12

FROM STAFF REPORTS

C ITING THE Immense Importance. of affirmative action to

the University of Michigan, the Sixth Circuit Court of Appeals voted to hear both appeals en bane, that is, before the full court. The October 23rd hearing was postponed to December 6th.

The Center for Individual Rights filed a brief last year asking the court to hear the case en banc, but the court did not decide untij October 19th, four days before the trial.

Both the Universiry and the CIR reacted, saying they were encouraged by the decision and expected that it would help their

. case. Students interested in

attending the December 6th appeal can contact buses@umich.edu for

To begin, the Election Board is a committee nominated by MSA to act as a jury during the elections, and itS main purpose is to hear charges brought to parties or individuals by other parties or individuals and to

determine punishment. The guidelines fOr all of the Board's The elections may be over, but bitter feelings, among other information on traveling to

Cincinnati.Ml.

Greenhouse Gases and Other

Hot Air By MIKE PHILLIPS

W TH LESS THAN two months left in his tenure at the

University, President Lee Bollinger is under pressure from a group of over 200 faculty members and assorted environmental bandwagoners to improve the energy-efficiency in accordance with the Kyoto Protocol. Bollinger has responded apprehensively, and University energy officials have expressed confusion over the possible implications of such a call for change.

The protocol, signed in December 1997 by 25 industrialized nations, calls for a five percent reduction in the emission gases that allegedly increase global warming. Despite a preliminary agreement by the United States, the protocol was later stalled in ratification by Republican leaders and eventually taken off the table all

. tc;)gether after the election of President Bush.

International work on the protocol remains strong and has

Continued KYOTO on Page 11

Is rape good for

DAMN forces ID'"!, no more

routed, retreat

More Mockery Inside ... Page 5

Damn, 10 we 1011 to 'Micbipa SUIC AND Ohio wc mi. year. What a

disappoinUDcnl. Ob wcll. cba::k QUI anoI:her lOp r.cn list we put rosccbcr; it should ICI¥C

'as minimal CODIOIation.

rom Suite ODe

In this laue we· take , OD

,Cuaiy why our educ::atioo ;u. isn't cutting it. And u.eo to

Ithese new dittribution ~requimnalC" Sad. Sad. Sad.

I Yes. that'. right. thc Micbipn Delay. Yes, we ue I.in& to bnc TWO of Ibcm this Jar. and this is the &at msralllllCDt. Enjoy. We &mo.r you will.

CoIU111118

Juain baa a few cbinp to .ay .bout the DCW airliDe

security measures. and D.C. raka his ahoa dIiI week on cducation majors and thc educational IJIICIIL

Loo~ u if me U.s. SeDate is up · for ..... la 2002, .ad we ....twe major daamine wIao ClOIlIIaIa HiI.

Ipage 2 TBIC IIICB10AR RBVIBW - URP.NrS November 28. 200~

• SERPENr'S ' TOOTH '

In anintcrview days before her 20th birthday, Britney Spears has said that she's "on the verge of being a woman." After · seeing her bare-all performance at the . 2000 Video Music Awards, we'd have to

say that, oh no, she's all woman already, not a little girl, and on a side note, we all became men for sure that night, no longer little boys.

The government wants to use MTV to help Arab youth understand America better. Let's look at a sample listing:

3:00 pm - TRL: "Yeah, I want to hear 'Stronger' from Britney Spears. because she's the bomb! And we must wage a jihad until Israel is destroyed! Wooooo!"

8:00 pm - Jackass: Anwar Knoxville straps explosives to his. body and runs into a crowded marketplace. Havoc and fun ensues!

. 10:00 pm - Dismissed: Why only date one girl , when Allah allows four wives?

11:00 pm - Wahabi Undressed: Sexy young coeds get it on, revealing all their . private parts, such as cheekbones, ankles, and forearms while talking dirty about the gl()ry of Allans promised 72 virgins in paradise. Warning: any 12-year olds caught pleasuring themselves to this will have their hands cut off.

SOLE lead a protest against the war by remaining silent all day until 7:30 pm two weeks ago. We can only hope that these brave and resilierit souls will have

am

and shut the hell up once more.

According to the Michigan Daily, the state of Michigan alone receives 180 tons of garbage from Canada daily to put in our landfills . Let 's get this straigh t: Canada has a smaller population than California, is the second largest nation on earth , of which 112 is an uninhabitable Arctic wasteland, and we're taking in THEIR garbage?

Romanian officials are up in arms about a proposed Dracula theme park, but not over whether to build it, but where.

The theme park is expected to generate 3,000 jobs aod help bring tourism dollars into the impoverished country. As of now, it 's supposed to go up in Transylvania, the traditional birthplace of Vlad the Impaler, on whom Dracula was based. Vlad the Impaler, for those who don't know, murdered thousands in the 15th century and got his giggles from impaling them on poles and displaying them; although he is revered for keeping Romania Christian.

So, if a theme park about a,<mediev;U, .' murderous sadist and EuroDis!ieYare b¢&.t

that Europe has to offer in terms of theme parks, then we have yet another example of why Europe sucks ass.

So we lost to Michigan State AND Ohio State this year. Well, that should give them plenty to talk about around the water cooler at McDonald's and Discount Tires. Not to mention stuff to talk about in the unemployment line and at the welfare office.

Three students at New Bedford H igh School in New Bedford, MA were arrested for plotting a Columbine-style massacre. Come on guys, shooting sprees as a means of mass murder is sooooo two-years ago ...

Top Ten Ways Michigan State and Ohio State are celebrating their victories over us:

10. Lighting their couches on fire before hauling them outside

9. Tossing thei r hairnets and paper hats into the air

8. Declaring . a one~week holiday on parole violationS . ' ,. . . '

7. Taking TWO' b~ths ' dusweek ' 6. The university pr~denrs allowing

studenrs to come over totheit houses.' ana allowing them to tip Qve~ ~heh: p~identi.ii CO\\fS

5. Finding out just h6W shatterpr~f these new-fangled plastic beer ' bottles are

4. Drinking the ENTIRE box of wine 3. Taking that special lady out to a

night on the town ... starting with dinner at Arby's

2. Sitting around and laughihg about how even though Michigan beats. them in academics, graduation rates, grad school admissions and number of non-felons, how great it was to beat them in football

1. Reiterate how book-learn in' ain't no imponant after all

Want to write fluff stories about how students study more during finals?

tbt .Up. Want to write hard-hitting investigative reports that will have ,the administration shaking in their boots? Then join the Michigan Review, the campus affairs journal of the UnIversity of Michigan. For the past 20 years, the Review has been delivering high quality news, commentary, and satire to the U-M commuriity. Wel}ave spaces available for reporters, editorial writers, photogra:ghersand;business staff.

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The Campus Affairs Journal of the Universi~ of Michigan

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.1atthcw Ynnczak PlJb/j~.hcr

James Justin Wilson A,,'iOC. Puhli,~hcr. Managing Editor

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James Y. Yeb ExcCtllivc Editor

AMPUS AFFA IRS ED: AT'L AFFAIRS ED:

ASSISTANT EDITORS:

OPV EDITOR: SENIOR EDITOR:

Mike Phillips Bl'1Id Sprecher Din Lfvf Jartd Suess Pttt'r Aptl M.llh~ SclIwa"

STAff WRITERS: MIM Au1llo. Jon Book. ~ ar-n, ChIp E"1:,lIndtr, JoJb l.a\'IgM. Nate PrUI.

I JOlC'pIl Mkhab;m, Mkhad Saluman

The M,r:hiGNI Re.,,,w '" IhI: tnikpo:ndcru. iIlKknH'\Ul JOUf. na/ of COIIJid'\lIll\'1: 1lIi<1 hbcnan:m upinim ILl the: Uoivcnuy or Michi.lln We ndlhcr "1110:11 nnr :ac':"JII IIInnClQl)l dona· I.iun! (ruon It..- ~l ConlnDulJolb In It..- MwIIlG"" R(".~w an: w-<kdoolbk IIIkkt' S«uoo .so I tc)O, of the: InlmW ReYCtlue Code. ",.. jlm''''''' IS filiI affillJllC(l""11h lilly pulllJcaJ puny ()( UOI\dl>II) poIlloatI VUUp

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• LETTERS TO THE EDITOR

"Sexist, racist, homophobic" error

found in Review

Dear Review staff:

I am writing about a sexist, racist, homophobic error I found in the Serpent's Tooth of the Nov 12th edition.

The error is in the snipit "With Luke Massie .. ~" In this you claim that it "begs the question." This is a usage error generally only commited by engineers and communications majors, but to "beg a question" actually means to answer it in a circular manner so as to bring one back to it. To elucidate by example: Yesterday, HD Cameron asked me why a particular verb was in the subjunctive in the Plato passage we were working on. I answered that it was be,cause of the syntax of the sentence, to which he replied "well of course it is, Mr. Conway, but you're merely begging the question." The answer was that the main verb was in primary sequence, thus requiring a subjunctive verb as opposed to an optative. By merely attributing it to syntax, I was begging the question in the proper sense of the phrase.

This is sexist and racist because Luke Massie is a caucasian male. Oh, well. Hmmm. Well, I'm swe that if you went to someone in BAM-N, they could tell you why it was sexist and racist. As to the homophobic element, I was merely employing the 'rule of threes.'

Hopefully future editions of the Reviro; will not contain such Dairy-like grammatical errors, it pains me to see these in one of the only campus papers within which the editors actually appear to edit for grammar.

Sincerely,

Benjamin Conway

Review "not doing its job"

To the Review:

The recent back-and-fonh between the ReviniJ, the MSA executive board, and Students, for Life president Andrew Shirvell has been very interesting for me to read about, as ,I was an MSA executive officer (Student General Counsel) several years ago.

Both campus media and student governments have certain obligations to each other and to the student body as a whole. D.C. Lee is correa when he states that the press U often functions as a check on power of corrupt politicians." The Reviro; has played this important role in the past, and given that we certainly cannot expect investigative reporting from the Daily, it is refreshing to see the ReviroJ looking into possible abuses of student funds by MSA executive officers. In this light, it is unfortunate that" No4n and Cash do not want to speak to the Review.

Two major caveats, however: first, N ol~ and Cash refuse to speak to the ReVIew, Lee says, because they consider it a "tabloid." There is some merit to this point of view, as the Reviro; has not treated them altogether fairly. First, the R~vuw ran a picture apparently showing Nolan drinking at an ABTS meeting. But as it turns out, this picture was not taken at the ABTS meeting in question at all. In another article, the R~vi~w gives front­page status to a story that essentially amounts to this: the MSA e-board spent 1/20th of a percent of their budget at meetings at the U-Club during which MSA business mayor may not have been conducted. Not quite Watergate, is it? (By the way, I can say with utt~r certainty that the 1999-2000 e-board never ate at the U-Club or anywhere else with student funds.)

Furthermore, the article expresses P.S. Thanks for editing the word bafHement that the MSA e-board should

'faggots' in the title pare that only liberals have needed to meet at all, since "MSA like me read (I'm not swe what _mb~ does little as classes wind down." This is is, however), that was quite PC of you. patently false .

And this raises the second caveat: if campus media have a duty to investigate and report what they find, they also, have a responsibility to develop a full understanding of the way MSA works, and to use that knowledge to educate and provide information to the student body. (And a tip from me as an old-school MSA guy to you: these won't be the things that ' are discussed at Tuesday meetings. But you're the media - you're supposed to know that!)- If the Revi~ models its reporting of MSA on the Daily (cover Tuesdays, cover elections, cover scandals), it is not doing its job. If the Rev;~w doesn't take time to get facts straight, it's not doing its job. This is why you recommended that students not vote in MSA elections. Come on guys - do you really think it would help students if the small check on the administration tunning rough-shod over all of us that is MSA ceased to exist?

The best example from my own experience involves MSA's proposed revisions to the Compiled Code a few years back. Then-R~vi~w editor Jacob Oslick came to talk to me. I gave him copies of ow documents. tried to explain ow rationales, and gave him a whole list of other student leaders and administrators to talk to. He expressed appreciation fur. the complexity of the issue and assured me he would investigate fully and save the story for aJater issue of the Reviro;. But of course the story showed up only days later, and it was shoddily written and made many factual errors. He didn't mangle it quite as badly as the Dairy (that would hardly have been possible), but he did do some serious damage.

Nolan and Cash (and MSA leaders in general) would be more likely to see the &view as a legitimate media source and hold up their end of the bargain (i.e. talking'to you, even when it's unpleasant) if you held up yours (i.e. conveying accurate information about what MSA is up ~o, even when there's no scandal or DAAP-sponsbred resolution),

As for Shirvell, his "you-scratch-my­back-and-rU-scratch-yours" suggestions seem rather unethical, as D.C. Lee recognizes. I remember Shirvell fundly

from my MSA days - particularly his appearances at MSA budget-approval meetings, where he wou1d make all sorts of extravagant threats against the assembly were we to dare to give Students for Choice a penny more than Students fur Life (number of members in each organization and number and scope of planned events apparently were irrelevant in his estimation).

But in a roundabout way, he raises an important point. It's something I'd always wanted to say when I was on MSA, and something Nolan said in a viewpoint he wrote for the Daily earlier this term. That is: when campus media make student government look ridiculous for no particularly good reason, they weaken the voice of all students. Good or bad, the administration looks to MSA to represent students. Administrators thrive on the divisiveness of the student body (that and our short institutional memory), and they read cat:JlpUS media to assess it. So nothing can be J.Dore damaging to the student voice.

This is not say at all that the Revi~ should give Nolan, (or anyone else) a free pass because of their political views. And it's not to say you shouldn't report wrongdoing if you find it. But think carefully. Be evenhanded. Don't go overboard and exaggerate what you've found (or the importance of what you've found). Put the blame where it belongs. And most importantly, recognize that what you say has consequences not just for the people you criticize, but for the effectiveness of all students who try to represent other students (and this involves a lot more than just MSA reps - it involves every student placed on every university committee by every school "and college government). Take the time to cultivate an understanding of the way MSA works, and to develop a working relationship with student leaders. This is the oply way in which student governments and campus media - though pwsuing differ~nt goals -can still work together constructively.

Josh Trapani

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[Page 4 TIlE IOCRIGAN REVIEW - BDlTOIUA LS November 28, 200 ~

• FROM SUITE ONE

'Old School' "U" is losing sight of the basics

A s the University seeks to broaden uneducated, 19-year old kids from West the minds of its students and Bloomfield have more valuable things tQ produce well-rounded citizens, it say than the professor who teaches the

expanded its Race and Ethnicity course or the GSI who is writing their requirement and implemented a new PhD thesis on the topic. Why is the State Creative Expression distribution. But of Michigan wasting taxpayers' money on sadly, we have lost sight of the giving the ignorant a podium? Are we to fundamental goal of education: to believe that those who are the most produce articulate, critically minded and uneducated have the most valuable things quantitatively capable individuals. to say? Or that expression of opinion leads

The two key problems with the to knowledge? This is clearly dubious. undergraduate experience are the lack One of the worst examples of this of emphasis on reasoning skills and the academic decline is the two-credit course movement toward discussion-based Psych/Soc 122 - Intergroup Dialogues. courses. This produces graduates who This discussion-based class is taught not are unable to condense their thoughts, by a PhD, or even a GSI, but by arriculatc points and effectively undergraduates billed as "trained in communicate ideas, but who are more teamwork, communication, facilitation, than willing to open up about their race and social justice education." Clearly, identity and sexual orientation. We have these "teache~s" are not qualified in any transformed from an institution of academic discipline and are tools of the learning into an overpriced self-help liberal indoctrination process. And the center. While personal identity mayor poor victims are awarded two credits ' for may not be important to the collegiate enduring the bombardment. experience, it should not be emphasized The LSA course description is as over traditional education in logic, follows: "The goal is to create a setting in reason, classic literature and simple which students engage in open and mathematics. constructive dialogue, learning, and

This strong classical education has exploration concerning issues of been tossed aside and replaced with a intergroup relations, conflict and cheaper, dumbed-down, cute and fuzzy, community." It is amazing that the touchy-feely version that churns out University awards two credits to students moronic alumni who are unable to argue simply for having conversations. We effectively, write profoundly or think should not be surprised that we graduate critically. University graduates are unable idiots when they've been inundated with to assess statistical data in Time or stimuli from other ignorant students. Newsweek and are easily deceived by A typical schedule for a student of blatantly false claims that rely on shady yesteryear included courses in calculus, data. If the purpose of education is to logic, classic literature and ancient enhance intellectual ability, then how has philosophy. A baccalaureate would be this goal been lost? . familiar with the teachings of Aristotle,

Part qf the answer stems from the be able to calculate simple percentages emphasis on creativity and expression, and be able to recognize a formal fallacy. while ignoring more pragmatic skills The class of 2002 is the best class thus far such as reasoning ability. True, LSA has in the area of Samoan gender roles, and a Math & Symbolic Analysis is duped into believing ridiculous, Distribution requirement, but it can be ideologically-driven assertions like filled with classes like Math 127 - Kinsey's claim tha~/lO% of the population Geometry and the Imagination and Stats is homosexual . They lack the fundamental 127 Games Gambling and tools to build on their prior knowledge Coincidences. Although these courses and think critically when presented with are no doubt interesting, they fall grossly new data. These courses are so esoteric shon of teaching the basic principles of that they fail to teach fundamental logic and providing students with the concepts, and they are completely useless intellectual fortitude and theoretical as educational tools. foundation to cross-apply their This upcoming Winter term's theme knowledge to other fields. is: "Women Who Rule:d: Gender, Power

The other disease infecting the and Representation." Although geared quality of education is the rise of the toward social justice and subtly pushing discussion-based course. In these classes, the liberal agenda, it's not education and it is expected that students will learn from it's certainly not worth the price of tuition one another through dialogue and and four years of student lives. We'd be discussion. This premise is entirely better off' sleeping in~ 'Ml

flawed because it assumes that

:,

Tribunals Justified M ore than just planes hit us on

Sept. 11 . A good hard dose of reality hit us as well. This good

hard dose of reality showed us what war in the 21 " century will look like. In a 21 Sf

century war, common civilians are the targets. In a 21" century war, information is a weapon, and mistakes with it are disastrous a~d can burn years after we make them. In a 21 " century war, there is no set battlefield, just crumbled buildings, abandoned Senate offices, and tapes yve can't show on CNN. In such a war, we dare not sacrifice our weapons and aid our enemies just to protect the niceties of society. We must support the tribunals.

In this war we now fight, which for lack of a better term will probably go down in the history books as the Al Queda Wars, we cannot afford to let the enemy know what we know. Confusing? Consider this tactical misstep made back in 2000. We knew that bin Laden used to communicate by satellite phone. In fact, the CIA used to intercept his communications all the time. When we tried the bombers of the U.S. embassies in Kenya and Tanzania, we released documents showing that we had monitored bin Laden's satellite phone communications. After those documents became public, bin Laden didn't use his satellite phone again; then September 11 happened. In a public trial where the evidence will be broadcast over CNN tlle instant it is presented we will lose whatever intelligence advantageS we might gain over Al Queda. This ilOt only means that their methods of communication will change, but also any informants we have in the organization will be killed. We are not dealing with a democracy here. Bin Laden will not give our informants a fair trial.

On the other hand, we will be giving Al Queda a much fairer trial than they might deserve. The rules of the tribunals that Bush has put forward will grant AJ Qucda .councilapd the rishet . to. ia trial.

. ~ "<:

The trial will just be ,secret, because we cannot afford to co mpromise our intell igence. T hese trials will require a two-thirds vo te am ong the judges to convict, and the Secretary of Defense and the President will review rnese convictions.

Are some civil liberties no rm all y extended to U.S. CItizens being compromised? Yes, bue so what? We are not dealing with U.S. citizens for the most part. We will be dealing wirn bin Laden and his associates abroad, and a military tribunal is more due process than he would be given if tried under the Taliban's normal rules. Let us not also forget that we are at war with AI Queda. Any Al Queda member we capture is a prisoner .of war, and the acts he has committed are war crimes. What is called for is a military tribunal. This is a long-standing practice for enemies at war dating back to the time of the Civil War. This is not some new means devised to abridge our civil rights.

We did not flinch at trying the Nazis under a war crimes tribunal. We still want to try Milosevic under a war crimes tribunal. We should not flinch at trying Al Queda under a war crimes tribunal, no matter how trendy it has become to haee the U.S. system and criticize the war effore. Bin Laden does not care if someone hate his country. Bin Laden wants many American citizens dead. In order to stop that from happening, we may have to be a lietle less public with our information. -We may have to stop men on trial from contacting 'outsiders with information about our intelligence. Sure, it sounds bad, but so does the sight of the Sears tower lying across Michigan Avenue as nothing but a shattered pile of rubble, downtown Los Angeles se[ up as a triage center for people dying of radiological contamination, and innocent American civilians dead because we weren't serong enough to do what was necessary to protect the country. In the words of Justice Robert Jackson "the Constitution is not a suicide pact."lvR

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mbt tl . NEWS: 76-WHO CARES CLASSIFIED: 76-SELL YOUR BODY One hundred efeven J'ears qf edltoria! vias

Is rape good for'U'? Students Against Sexual Assault Debate Zeta Theta, Psi

sexual assault. By Wang Hung Lo For the Delay

Students Against Sexual Assault and the Zeta Theta Psi fraternity meet in the Kunzel Room of the Michigan League, or Union, whichever it's actually in, to debate the issue of sexual assault on campus . SASA's remarks tended to focus on how women may identify unsafe situations, such as being around men, and how to react to them

appropriately, such as by kicking the men in the groin.

"Not only can a kick in the groin render a potential male helpless by putting him in excruciating pain, it gives you a great feeling of feminine empowerment. HEE- YAAH!" said SASA president Nome En as she kick Delay reporter Wang Hung Lo in the groin until he fell to the floor, writhing in pain.

"I mean, being passed out is a type of consent, rightT said Zeta Theta Psi chapter chemist/ bartender Hill D"!gu, "and girls are going to pass out sooner or later in a natural process called sleep. Where's the harm if we help them along a bit by adding something to their drinksT

"The way I look at it, it is a victimless crime," he continued.

However, the exchange of ideas that was to ensue was cut short by the SASA members inysteriously passing out after accepting glasses of water poured by' Drugu.

When asked if this meant that that would be the last word on sexual assault, Tarapeya responded, "Not quite . Would you help lIs take these ladies back to our house?"

The Zeta brothers had a somewhat different take on

"It's a win-win situation. Or at least a win-doesn't remember it tomorrow situation," added chapter president Ivan Tarapeya.

'MSA: Feces flung, most productive meeting e,ver

By Oliver Klozoff Delay Staff Reporter

Yesterday 's MSA meeting entered into a stage predicted by many as inevitable as representatives began to actually fling poo at each other. The poo-flinging began during the debate to call the question on an amendment to an amendment to the motion to approve last meeting's minutes.

The original motion was to change the deSCription of the crazy random intelligence facts guy from "crazy random intelligence facts guy" to "crazy random intelligence facts man." Perpetual Representative Jessica Curtin moved to amend "man" to the gender neutral "persyn" to avoid any possible implication of sexism, and by

See POO, Page 3A

DAMN forces routed, retreat • Report: Campus

leftists retreat to East Quad

By Wink Martin Delay Staff Reporter

The forces of leftist student group DAMN have retreated to their spiritual stronghold of East Quadrangle Residence Hall after losing a series of pitched ideological battles on Central Campus, independent reports have confirmed. But analysts warned the group would not be

vanquished that easily. "Even before September ll, it was clear

that out~ide forces were influencing the top leadership of DAMN , as indicated through the ma~s busing of high school students to campus and the foundation of the group 's feared Detroit Brigade of elite activists," said Percival Sullivan, a campus historian. "1 fear to think what will happen now that campus has turned on them."

In fact" i(s clear the Detroit Brigade may be thinking similar thoughts. Approximately 10 of the group's members continue to hold out in the northern Kresge Building, armed with a variety of irritating leaflets and copies of MIM Notes. About

20 regu~ar DAMN members are also with them. Defectors have reported many of those wish to 'leave, but.fear doing so lest they be branded "corporatist, imperialist warmongers." DAMN's stronghold in . the University'S Comparative Literature department surrendered three days ago.

Still, the group's remaining supporters have vowed to continue fighting.

"You will hear more from DAMN," vowed Comrade Cessica Jurtin, the group's supreme leader, a<; she spoke "from a safe, secure location" in the Residential College. ''Trotsky willing, we will build a mass militant integr.ated civil rights

See DAMN, Page 3A

Nation/W' orld

Wemesday

SAC President Defeated at Waterloo From Le Monde

Waterloo, Belgium- Reports last Tuesday indicate that Lord Wellington's forces were successful in defeating French forces under the command of Students Against Choice (SAC) president Andrew Shirvell. The attack commenced early Thesday morning with Lord Wellington fortifying positions around Mont St. Jean and awaiting reinforcements from Blucher's Prussian army.

Shirvell employed no noticeable tactics, as he just screamed and hollered about the unborn and his divine sanction to take over the world. By 3 p.m. the forces were in a full fight. At several points Wellington ordered his cannons to target Shirvell, but reports indicate the cannon ball s just flew over Shirvell's head.

By 6 p.m. Blucher's Prussians were attacking the French flank in a de facto pincer attack. Shirvell had no noticeable counter-tactic, as he just screamed about how a defeat against him was a defeat against the unborn. Shirvell was reportedly exiled.

Mullah Muhammed Massie

Sports .0098°C

Tonight -273.15OC Tomorrow

4.5 mm Hg --- 4510C Rain, Snow, and Steam

Campus News

DAMN rallies for cold weather, YAF,

Jesse Jackson Protest Squad protest.

Page5A

More Inane Resolutions MSA passes resoultion condeming the Delay, Review staff, Reagan. Page7A

Michigan Field Hockey Team wins National Championship, no one cares. Page8A

-- .. ~-- -- -- . "::.~ ---~- .---""", ~,-

2A - The Michigan Delay - Wednesday, November 28, 2001

420 MAY-NERD STREET ,ANN ARBOR. Ml 48109

" dellly.1ellers@umich.edu ,

,MIKE HUNT

SEMI-EDITEDANDM1')MANAGFDBY Editor in Chief S11JDENTS AT THE

UNIVERSITYOFMICHlGAN MIKE GANJA

SINCE 1890 VL.ADlMIRItVICHWOOMER

Editorial Page Editors

Unless otherwise noted, unsigned editorials reflect the opiilion of the majority of the University's proud Communists and Democrats.

FROIVI TI-IE DEI...A,\:'

Abolish Admissions R ecently, lbe 'U' has ~ come under fire for irs

admissions polices. The 'U' bas DOt gone far enoup in easurin, a diverse eotaina cIus beat'. tbcy ItiU take inIo coasideratioa dIinp like OPA aDd SAT scores. CurreDlly, Idmitsion weips beavily on Ibe SAT and GPA IDd !bus abe 'U' is overloaded wilb o~ina Asians wbo did oolbiog but srudy aU duoup biab sclIool. By aaIdq ,wriIiDa qualify inIo coosidenlioD. the 'U' filii die ... ofdle ~ widl mediocIe wbi~ people' WboIe oaty ... is dIIllbey lie JiIen8e.

Clearly. the 'U' il cliacrirniDatiDa apiDlt those whole life ezpaieDces make it impouible for lbem to F' hip amdcs. tat ICOreI or learn to wriIe. k islbelOJifeezpaieDces ._ mate a penGo. 'sbouid be 'biabIY VIlued by ualveniry commuaily: 1'boIe who have diveno' Ufe '.ieac:es iDaase abe quality of evcryooc'. ,educadOll, aDd furthermore, IOcial justice dicIIIes that..-people ale abe molt daaviD& of a -mniry educabOo.

The UDlveraity-ia in the uaiqae poIidoIl 01 beiDa.1bIe 10 provide leDdy to ___ of iaeclequKy ad iojuldce.ad it

more imDodaDl to recdfy Ibe

wroop ofabe past lhan to aa:ept wbal tbe privileged caU 'qualified' studeDb.

Tbe very idea of 'qualified' is divisive. It creates two group.. seareaatioa the cpwlified from the idiots. 1bis SlJaIification OIlIy clisrupl5 the diversity of the University more. IOltead, the phrase 'adcql'lle1y diverse' sbould be used.

Moreover. dlese life experieDcea make the diverse umvonity that Michl, ... il famoul for, aad thu., ,the adm!'lioiIIpucas ...... ~ oa . them other thlD 00 objOcaive criteria such u test SCorel, ... adel, activitiel. award, or writiD, samples. Judaiol 1OIDeCJDO', lICademic aIIiIily baed 011 tat ICOIeI or pIdeI is dcIrIy fJawd iii lUI

doeID't couicIer' poeudat tiaI

put 10

Ibe lppliato'" bearis. True diversity caD be

achieved only wbea life expedcDces are tbe ooly fador CODIidered. Tbeo the au' will be able to ac:bieve its 'critical maII-" dIeD we caD be&in the procell of we ecb:IIioa. WiIb tbia new admilliou pollcy, I!M!I"WMII! wiD beaefiL

T IN PASSING I don't have a column today, so I figured I'd remind you that yes, I am a Palestinian, and yes, Israel is brutally oppressing my people.

- Zmer Aarh

"Hail to the Proletariat!" - Vlad Woomer

If there's one thing I'm against, it's G. W. Bush, and if there's one thing I'm for, it's nice, hot man-meat. And boys, you better be hung.

, - Peter Wackyourham

- -.- - ,_. "'-- .. " --_ .. _ ...... _---

They said I couldn't have a colurrm.

- Ari Paul

"Emily Achenbaum graduated, so I'm left to think I'm the prettiest Ed Board member."

-Joanna Hanik

Yo yo yo. I met this straight fly iced-out baller (bling-bling), chillin' with bis peeps. His hair was co'nrow'd and he had Some fly-ass gators. For real.

- Rebecca Isenberg

OpffiD--------~-----------­

I'ill, like, you know ... so Ghetto Dog REBECCA IRONMOUNTAIN ONE SNOOP CD AND A PRADA BAG

" 4 -

~ . .. ~r~'~ } , , 1

O kay, like , you

know, so I'm, like, you know, fro m Birmingham. For real! It's

like . you know, like soooooo ghetto down there. I mean, like, just two weeks ago someone like. totally spray painted a sign down there. I mean, like, "Helloooooo, you're turning this place into a ghetto!!!! !"

I like, told tllis guy from Detroit what h,appened, and he was so totally like "You think YOU'RE from a GHETIO!?" And

, I was so totally like "Ya, you know, I'm like. so totally from, like, you know, New Jack City or something. It's like, you know, so dangerous out there." And can you believe it, he like so totally walked away from me. What? Like I'm not gO<Xi enough to talk to because I'm from the ghetto?

I like so told all my friends aboUt it back at the sorority. ,I

was like "Then he so totally walked away from me." And they were like "Really, you like, really mean it? He like, walked away from you?" And I was like, "Yeah, he like, so walked away from me."

He's so, like intolerant. "Yeah. ' like, 1 know." I'm so glad, I like. grew up in a like, totally tolerant place like Binningham. I like, so went to school , with like, three black students. I mean, can you like, so totally dig the diversity I grew up around. It was like, so cool. I mean, there was like. Britany, and she and I were like, so totally best friends. We like always used 'to By off to like, France in the summer. I got to do her nails, and she like, so totally did mine. It was like, so cool. And then there was, like, James. I so totally got to see the disadvantage blacks in this country go through with him. I mean, like, can you believe the only job they would give him was, like, as a vascular surgeon? I mean, like, imagine how tough

that must have been. Imagine , like, the sacrifices they had to make to send him to Yale. I mean, like, they only hired ONE SAT tutor for him. We were like, all so happy for him when he got accepted and all. We were all like. "We so love Affinnative Action." Cause, they like, probably wouldn't have accepted a 1600 on the SAT or something.

So , I like , so totally love diversity. Except, like. when it's all scary and stuff. Like, I remember these guys from Famlington Hills came one day. I mean. like, I was so scared. I mean , like, kids of autoworkers and stuff. It was 500000 icky. Ew ew ew!!!!! I mean, imagine. like your dad working for a living. And then they came to MY city, like Binningham. I mean, like "HeUooo, you so don ' t belong here!" I guess that's like, what you have to deal with when you're from, like, the ghetto and stuff. Thug life up in this, like, biznatch.

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR All conservatives must die To THE DEl..Av:

This letter is in response to the letter written in response to the column 2 months ago by columnist Irene Patricia Freeley.

Her claim that "All conservatives must die," while actmirnble, si mply does not go

far enough. No, no, we must hunt ,them down one by one, and boil them in putrid pig fat until their skin blisters off.

There is no room in this new, progressive world for the likes of racist, misogynistic, and homophobic fascists . These people must be quarantined, so as not to ..infect their peers with this "freedom" thought. and the notions of personal

accountability and responsibility.

Who better to control every facet of your life than the all­knowing government? Let the withchunts and brainwashings commence! We must make way for the mass. militant civil rights and socialism movement!

Dragnes Allyoppla DAMN Puppet

Winning the War Against TerrorisI11 YURI FRAKINOSOV FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE

~ '-:\ .. .15 ~\:l .. ~ ,

A merica h~s ./""\once agalll rushed into war of imperialistic domination in the name of apple pie

and cheap oiL Instead of trying to track down and eliminate the root social and economic causes behind the terrorism, Bush's cigar-smoking, oil-drinking, election-rigging fat cat puppet masters have decided to go with the popular opinion imprinted on the masses by big media and actually try to punish those who funded, assisted, and planned the terrorist attacks. However, when the root social and economic causes of the attacks against America are examined, a single entity is present in every one of them: America. Thus, it is clear that any war against terrorism, in order to be effective, must inevitably be a war against America.

This realization brings the

true question about the , war against terrorism to the forefront: How can we most effectively triumph in a war against America.

. America is a vast nation with a ' significantly powerful military, which would be disastrous to attack head on. Instead, we must make contact with dissident groups within America.

Unfortunately, anti-American forces control only a small fraction of America, having solid control of only Ann Arbor, Michigan and Berkeley, California. Even within these areas, not all the Anti-American forces would make suitable allies. While theDelay Editorial Board and SOLE would be suitable all ies in a war against America. we must be cautious of BAMN. Despite being one of the most militant anti-American forces and holding territory in both Berkeley and Ann ' Arbor, BAMN cannot be trusted. They have the potential to be as oppressive as the current

system of capitalist oppression that Americans currently endure.

Having established the potential sources of assistance, we must now analyze what target" to strike within America. This attack should be two pronged. taking out the heads of the capitalist organizations and destroying the industrial infrastructure they use to create the social and economic oppression that leads to terrorist attacks. Among the capitalist oppressors that we must target are IBM CEO Lou Gerstner, Starbucks CEO Orin Smith, and Boris Frakinostov, the capitalist pig who says I cannot move back in with him and mom after I graduate unless I get a job.

Once the Americans are deprived of their personal computers and overpriced cappuccino, the rest of their resistance will quickly fall.

Michigan Independent Seized

500 copies of The Michigan Independent' were seized after failing to meet quality controls. DPS reports stale. lI s bad art criticism, particularly unfunny Report Cards and poi ntless ramblings, were considered dangerous and unlawful. Officials warned tbey would continue seizing the publication ' s entire print run if it didn'l shape up. No report wa~ worth filing .

Rodent Assaults Students

Four students claimed to be standing on the Diag , minding their own business, when they were approached by some manner of rodent. Though the students ignored the rodent, it continued to make noises and reportedly "spit" on the students before scurrying away. DPS wa~ caIled and charges were filed . Several of the students hav.e sought restraining orders.

Copy of Stolen

Garg

DPS reported Wednesday observing an individual stealing a copy of the Gargoyle. The individual claimed he wasn't stealing, even tbough DPS had observed no one else take the paper all day. Later. Gargoyle staff reported that it was, in fact, a di stribution station for the Gargoyle. Charges of theft were dropped. Charges of taste were filed.

Fraternity Caught Having Fun

Sixteen members of Sigma Nu Mu fraternity were arrested after they had fun at a party. Department of Public Safety reports state.

The fraternity members had purchased two kegs of Milwaukee ' s Best beer and numerous bottles of fortified wine, the contents of which were to allegedly be distributed to minors . DPS states an undercover police officer, claiming to be 19. demanded a cup of "the Beast" about an hour into the party. Upon receiving it, the officer left and returned with two SWAT teams, who invaded the fraternity house. caused major property damage, and arrested every member of the frat .

".

NEWS W~nesday. November 28. 2001 __ Th~Mic:lliftUl lklay 3A

U.S. drops bombs on puppies, Afghanistan CRATER, Mganistan (AB) - In a press conference yesterday, Taliban officials condemned the U.S. for its continued bombing of their homeland, citing the "coIlateral" destruction of several medical facilities , including an orphanage in Boston, Massachusetts.

Though thoroughly denied by the U.S. military and the city of Boston (mucbto the dismay of many Yankees fans) , these unverified claims have touched off protests from many anti -war groups on college campuses, including the University of Michigan . Protesters have occupied the Un iversity President's offices. No comment has been issued from the

DAMN Continued from Page 1A

movement. And we wiII not be stopped by a bunch of right-wing lunatic lackeys."

Such comments have made the group infamous since its rise to prominence in 1999. Known for its unwavering fidelity to backward ideology and an eerie devotion to failed Soviet leader L.D. Trotsky, DAMN ha~ vowed to ,destroy the institutions of the God-fearing American people and replace them with their own twisted governing panels.

But things began to go badly for the group this year. High­ranking officials defected. Former alIies created groups such as Students Supporting Rational Dialogue. And militants formerly aligned with DAMN left the group in disgust after its silly antics and childish tantrums became all too irritating.

"I rue tha-day I ever signed up

POO Continued from Page 1A

extension racism and homophobia.

Administration. The reports were met with

even mor.e wl?ight as an additional report wa" issued in the waning hours of the morning. Apparently, a truckload of adorable puppies was incinerated by a "Daisy Cutter" firebomb.

"There is no excuse 'for this atrocity. These innocent puppies did not stand a chance against the vile American death-fire. I caB for all Arab-American dogs to fully armed 1 ihad against the

, American snakes!" exclaimed Taliban spokesman Muhammad Abdul-Muhammad .

"These puppies are innocent! Are they to be punished for a crime they did not commit? We .demand evidence as to the guilt

with DAMN," said Michael Q . Harris, who leads a group of 15 activists in Couzens Hall. '" mean, really, it must have been a case of having some bad acid or something. I don't know what I wa~ thinking."

Harris, who has switched sides 9 times in the intervening months since DAMN first began to weaken, said he iooked forward to taking part in creating a campus environment where everyone could debate an issue freely, without being shouted down as a "compradore lackey of the right-wing conspiracy."

And others suggested that Junin, the group's maximum leader, may not be entirely in control of the group.

'Those Detroiters came in and screwed everyt!tingup," said the group's former propaganda minister, known only as RC-21. "She can't even make a move without having an OK from Duke Lassie or those other idiots."

"Who do you think came up

"There is no rea<;on that this assembly's minutes should be racist. sexist, or anti-gay. I will continue to tight against segregation, for integration. and for affirmative action by any means necessary," Curtin explaIned while arguing the pro side of the amendment to the amendment.

After a few cycles of debate, a motion to call the question was made. While arguing the pro for this m~tion, Studerit General Counsel lohn Carter wa~ hit by a glob of feces of indeterminate origin. Carter responded by defecating in his own hand and, flinging portions of in the general directions of the cQncentrations of DAAP, Michigan Party, and University Democratic Party representatives. Representatives from . these parties responded in suit, covering the entire executive board with a barrage of human wa"te.

For the next twenty minutes, MSA was engulfed in a literal "shit storm" as representatives bombarded their rivals with handfuls of fresh excrement. Eventually, the representatives exhausted their supplies of feces and the motion to call the question was passed. The balance of the meeting went along in a smooth, if somewhat malodorous, manner.

Delay Weak and Etc. columnist Ben Goldstein, who witnessed the incident, described it as "vaguely arousing."

of these puppies before any attacks continue! We shall fight and resist to the very last man,

, woman, puppy, and kitten! We will not stand for the slaughter of innoCents! This is no longer a war against Islam, this is a war against puppy-dom!" Muhammad continued.

Secretary of Defense Rum~feld had bis own side to the story. ''These puppies had it, coming! What's more, the city of Boston wiII never see a sports championship anyway, so whal good are they? Besides, we can get rid of all those damn Kennedys! We're gonna git them fuckers!" exclaimed Rumsfeld, as he straddled a hydrogen bomb and proceeded to wave his

with the idea to change our name every second week? Sure wasn't her. And when is she going to graduate anyway?" RC-21 continued.

But campus historian Sullivan and others suggested the group's classic blunder was intruding upon a campus vigil for those who lost their lives in the September 11 attacks.

"How can you disrupt a freakin' memorial service on the day of the worst attack ever against the United StatesT' a<;ked LSA student Michael Harris on the- recently .liberated Diag. "That's freakin' wrong."

And other Students expressed joy they would no longer have to deal with the tactics of the feared DAMN pressure squads.

"1 can listen to my lectures," said a quivering Ted Norris, a History major, who has not attended a class in Angell Hall without having a fire alarm go off since August of 1999. "{ can actual\y learn something again."

Some terrorists are cuter than others

cowboy hat in the air. Secretary of State Colin Powell was not available for comment, but his office did refer reporters to a recording of bim performing a rendition of the "Banana Boat" song, entitled "Come Mister Tali ban."

StiIl, troubling questions remain about whether opposition forces can hold together long' enough to defeat DAMN's remaining forces . Rumor has it that the self-proclaimed President of Pro-Life Students at Michigan, Andrei ShirkweIl, has already clashed with other opposition forces over who wil\ make the final approach upon the Kresge Building. At stake is not only the prestige of ridding Kresge of DAMN activists, but also acquiring the group's fleet of three sport utility vehicles

the front entrance.

Have no .frimtls? Like wearing BirkenstiJcks? Don't like taking showers?

You are NOT alone: ' Join the Residential

College.

.~-...--.- ..... _ .. --...--. ... -..-..-_ .. -.... ..." ........... --......... ...,-.... ... ~ __ --.,. ____ ..... __ ro_ .. o..,. _ - .. ..,~ .... ll*9o--.-...,....-- .. ___ ........... _-... ..., ........ ....., ............... "' ....... -. ___ .... _ ........... _wo· • .. _ .. 'flAIl """- - . ..... lor 1IfOOiI- Wo _ .. hod __ .. ,... ..... -""" ..., .... <I_bul __ ........ l .. __ ... ___ ....-_ ....... _ .....

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NEWS Oliver Clothezoy, B.rely M.Mglng editor STAFF:~1kItz. ....".HoMr.MwldllHugonIat., .. ICaa.....,~ EmmItl..amr. ~Plhllala.MlQActil.MldeT~

EDITORIAL W .... g Hung Lo, Editor STAFF JacabAuldl.Rov-8od<hotny.~F .. ,FeIdMndoOulpt, ..... ~,K8I1-a..rR.elfn-DNd"Men,J F. ~CIIIIc*, SeemuaO' .... 1he T~OrInIdng~ •• tt.t 0'Gc*I. B..J. PInaa:Ho.OirII~I.

SPORTS

DISPLAY STAFF Oror Gazim, MIsm8 ..... STAFF:a...AI1gIIIoIllNodanla.n-.lM8acihm. ..... BoIIIy.a.aI8rcMn,.....-nO'Vcn. ~ "-GanionGedD.Ik)W'~ Tonyor-JaIwI.liIcxD.~~~MIIIWI KIiIIwwI. WlICUwII. a.t.n ~"""'~,JaIw1""."""RaIIe!-. T..:yRabNan,NIft s.q..Aan~

4A - The Michigan Delay - Weak and Etc. Magazine - Wednesday, November 28. 200 I

MAGAZI~E

The radio still sucks By Arsee Farsee Delay Arts RepOrter

That's right, kiddies, that drivel and smut that is known as ''pop'' culture music is not the only slime that permeates our minds. The musical vomit - known as "classic rock," "pop," "rap," "r&b," and pretty much any music you can buy at the Best Buy megastore conglomerate is crap. Believe it, Mr. and Ms. America You must not spend your money on this "proven" music. Instead, journey to yon Olde Underground Music Shoppe and venture into the world of "Music that no one has heard of and really reaily sucks."

Do not listen to the proclamations of the listening world at large! Expand your horizons into obscure electronica, and find the joys of Satanic Polka-techno. Satiate your obscure music libido in obscure groups such as Slaughtered Puppy and Electrono-rotic Cyber Pussy. It is only through "indie" music like this that you can truly appreciate original sound, Stripped of any commercialization or "sellout" qualities that might make it

marketable, this no-name, undiscovered treasure will bring you to new heights of musical appreciation.

Gone are any semblance of rhythm or tone. These transgressions are never heard in the art of Postmodern music. Instead of tempo and pitch, assault your ears with a crescendo of unintelligible garbage. Take, for example, Mechanical Soul Puppet's single, Falling Metal #6, which consists of the soul-stirring sound of a Shop Smith being pushed down an elevator shaft. Their next project is rumored to investigate the tranquility of a dozen mousetraps being set off simultaneously on the tails of a dozen 'cats that have been lit on fire . The cats, that is.

It is also important that no one has heard of these bands. Only those groups that consist of members who are still living at home and working at the Village Corner, while listening to their fathers drone on about "making someihing of themselves" are worthy of your listenin~ time. In a shameless self-plug, for the love of God, people, BUY MY CD!

Writings on the wall Adventures in 'U' men's rooms

There once was a man from the 'U,' Who needed to take a poo, So he pulled down his pants, And then took a chance, And found some enlightenment too.

d's' .. '4!ifl1 v~ .. " ,':cJ"

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!:fi;~i:J~;~~-, :' 7' . lA'1 t\~ ~ "" ' ~'1 ':}(:.~~':-".

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1- l ') t'! tJ IN 'l'~:'' ~ ) ~ !ATt/.J.:}/ l

November 28, 2001

Random student is a hottie By Art Sequer Delay Arts Writer

The Michigan Delay: So, how do you feel about #Ie recent tragedy?

Random Student: Well, at first I was angry, but now I'm glad that we're serving up justice to those responsible for the attacks on America.

TMD: Attacks? I was referring to Will and Grau not winning an Emmy ...

RS: What? TMD: Vh ... moving along .. . so how

long .. . er, I mean OLD are you? RS: 20. TMD: Inches? Well, that's beside the

point. What have you done lately to "get . back in the swing of things"?

RS: Well, I went out to California for a while ... took a trip to Hollywood. Saw some sights out there ...

TMD: Ooo .. . did you make it out to San Fran? I love it out there . .. there is great shopping, and the shows are to DIE for ...

RS: Vh .. . no .. . TMD: So is everything going

smoothly for you? RS: Son of ... TMD: Son of? May I suggest some

good lube? RS: Who is this really?? TMD: The Michigan Delay, of

course. So, what did you have for lunch ... ya know ... to get back in the swing of things?

RS: Well, actually, I had some salad .. . TMD: Toss~d salad? RS: Actually, yes ... TMD: Ooo ... well now ... ifyou don't

mind my asking ... was it ... good? RS: Vh, I guess so .. . it was mostly

lunch ... TMD: Did he squirm a lot? Hate

when they do that . . . RS: Vh . . . you're no~ gay are you? TMD: I prefer the term "jovial." And

why wouldn't I be? I had a tossed salad for lunch as well...Moving along, what activities are you involved in?

RS: Well, I'm part of the Detroit Project. I specialize in planting trees in impoverished neighborhoods.

TMD: So you enjoy spending long hours on your knees, working up a sweat? So do I. Well , that's all the time we have. I'll be sure to get your name, number, address and measurements after we get finished here.

RS: Has this just been one big, long gay joke?

TMD: Big .. . Long .. . Gay . .. Mmmm ...

Middle East Studies in Grad basement

~~t Aj6 -r !c." ~ tE-l~, f, :l£ .+- ?~s ::- i!'I\ I $ 7-~'i'm~

At least they're reading us

Philosophy above third floor Mason Hall urinal

Geography in first floor MLB

by I. C. YOUPEE

(November 28, 2001 TIlE IIICB1GAN REVIEW - COLUJDiS Page 9

. The Case for Profiling: It Makes Sense O· N MY WAY back to home last

weekend, I played first hand witness to America's

"heightened" airport security. As I waited to board my plane, two snickering security guards walked down the line and eventually pointed to a woman with two children. They explained that they were conducting a random security check, and they proceeded to rummage through James her carry-on Justin Wilson' luggage and frisk her and her children.

Did this make me feel any safer? No. The Wolverines had a better chance of making it to the Rose bowl than her being a terrorist. And it's not that I have a problem with the rummaging and frisking and all, it's the randomness. Why were they wasting their time frisking her, when there were plenty of more likely hijackers in line? Because that is profiling and THAT is wrong, at least according to the ACLU and the rest of the PC crowd.

Now close your eyes and picture the typical airline hijacker.

Let me guess. It's a guy with a mustache, beard, black hair and a tan complexion touting some sort of automatic rifle shouting "Praise Allah" and other gibberish to his comrades. Would you describe him as an Arab? I bet you would.

Are you a bad person for thinking that? Probably, at least according to the PC crowd; you're no better than the "racist pigs," who pull over blacks for DWB, Driving While Black.

Are you completely unjustified in believing this? No. In fact, Arabs have conducted the vast majority of airplane hijackings. Dating back to 1966, certain Arabs have been hijacking planes, blowing them up and generally rcaking havoc with air travel all in the name of Allah and Jihad.

Can you imagine a single, pregnant, black woman with two kids in tow (I'm not trying to perpetuate any stereotypes here) attempting to hijack a plane? Or what about a 70 year-old Jewish couple on their way to Boca for the winter? Probably not.

Now try and describe this person without alluding to race or gender or any , other protected classes. You probably couldn't mention his turban or his skin color. Pretty difficult, isn't it? This is the task the FBI faces with the current taboo

"; . .i ' .' ,',

on profiling. I thought about all of this while stuck

in an unending line on my way home last weekend. And in the end I thought to myself: What is wrong with profiling?

Not a whole lot. As it stands right now, this

"heightened security" is a farce. All they do is look at your ID a few extra times and confiscate your toe nail dippers and straight rawrs. I'll tell you this much, if anyone attempts" to hijack a plane with a toe nail clipper, he's (notice it's not she's) going to have about 50 guys , 2 air marshals, 4 flight attendants and 3 pilots ready to tackle him. And do you really think a hijacker is going to admit to "not having their bags under their control at all times?" .

So obviously there is a problem. People are standing in mile-long lines, being subjected to unwarranted, random searches and generally harassed for what benefit? Certainly not increased security. The problem is people-power; there just aren't enough people to do the job, so they act like taking knitting needles and screw drivers will help. It's an issue of resources <\I:ld how they can best be allocated.

With the passage of the Airport Security Bill, we're going to see more of the same, but now' that will be accompanied with the competence and

efficiency of federal employees , Great, I feel safer already.

We need to reallocate 'our security resources to target those most likely to pose a real threat. And when I say target, I mean pcoftle.

For the same reason that you can't imagine a 70-year-old woman toting a kitty-kennel and knitting needles hijacking a plane, she

Americans with Japanese heritage in internment camps, 'The court quickly realized the shortsightedness of their ruling and ever since the Equal Protection Clause has reigned supreme. In particular, the Supreme Court ruled that universal security screening was constitutional only under two tenents: First, the security measures must be universally applied, and

secondly, it must shouldn't be subjected to the same scrutil1Y as a nervous-looking, twen ty-something Arab with an Afgan

Can you imagine a singl~, pregnant, black woman with

two kids in tow (I'm not

only be applied to search for weapons, Never again would race, color, or creed be used to single out individuals. Or would it? passport . Of

course, that doesn't mean that we can afford to overlook

trying to perpetuate any stereotypes here) attempting

to hijack a plane? The Supreme Court also ruled

grandmas and the like, They should be subjected to the same scrutiny as everyone el se, but others who meet a terrorist proftle should be further scrutinized.

Before you starr waving the Constitution in my face, let me qualify my proposal. I'm not proposing that we subject every Arab to a full body-cavity search, rubber gloves and all. T hat wouldn't be right. In fact that would be unconstitutional .

In 1944, the Supreme Cowt upheld the federal government's plan to detain

that using race as a non-determining factor in admitting college students was admissible. Even, if you agree with affirmative action, you can't help but see the paradox this presents, In one situation, people don't want to be judged by the color of their skin with regards to a crime or potential crime, even if it's statistically accurate. Meanwhile, these same people diligently fight to be judged by the color of their skin when seeking the benefits of affirmative action.

Continued SECURITY on Page 11

Why the Educational System Just Isn't Right Tag is a crappy game for recess

D o YOU REMEMBER the last time you played t~g? At re~ess probably, sometime durtng

elementary school. Ever remember how long the game lasted? Probably not very long.

You see, when little Billy is "it," the only classmates he can tag are those who are slower than him. And when little Billy tags little Sally, ' thereby forcing her

D.C. Lee

into the unenviable _______ _

"it" position, the only classmates little Sally can tag are those who are slower than her. Soon enough, poor little Michael, the slowest child in the class, is "it." Little Michael cannot catch or tag anyone-and the game degenerates.

The educational system is no different. And it's no surprise how quickly it has degenerated.

Consider for a moment all the education majors you know. Granted,

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there are not many at the University of Michiga'n, but consider education factories such as Eastern Michigan University, who graduates more teachers than any other school in the country, and Miami University in Ohio. What do you know about these students, these teachers­to-be? What do you remember about them from high school?

Many of these "students" spent more time smoking weed than studying remedial E:nglish and Geometry (which they took as seniors). Many of these students spent more time with cocks in their mouths than books in their faces.'

It has been said that, on average, education majors consistently graduate in the bottom third of their graduat ing classes. So what we have, essentially, is the bottom third of college graduates teaching students who grow up to major in education and graduate in the bottom third of their classes and who, in turn, teach students who grow up to major in education and graduate in the bottom third of their classes.

Walter Williams 'notes that, "Schools of education, either graduate or

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undergraduate, represent the academic slums of any university. They're home to students who have the lowest academic achievement test scores, be they the SAT, GRE, ACT, MCAT or LSAT."

In short, the academic rejects of yesterday are becoming the teachers of today. Soon enough, the academic rejects of today will become the teachers of tomorrow. And the game degenerates.

In a recent study on "Measuring the Teacher Quality Problem," the Thomas B, Fordham Foundation reports that 51.1 percent of students in high-track Hi!ftoty classes in public secondary schools (grades 7-12) are taught by teachers without a major o r minor in History, Similar atrocities abound in other subjects and exacerbate the already obvious problem. So, not only is teacher quality falling at a phenomenal rate, but those wao are teaching are also not necessarily qualified to be teaching in their respective fields.

This is the tag equivalent of playing with little Phillip, the one-legged, wheelchaired, 'tard in the, class. It's just not right.Mt

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. u.s. Senate Up for Grabs • 2002 ." In By .Cmp ENGLANDER

T HE UNITED STATES Senate is up for grabs in less than twdve months with the Democrats

holding to a slim 50-49-1 lead and Republicans needing a net gain of one seat to regain conuol of the chamber.

At first glance that seems possible, but very difficult. Out of the 34 Senate seats up for dection next year there are 20 GOP held seats and 14 held by Democrats; however, most of those seats are not realistically competitive as Senators such as Jack Reed (D-RI~ and Chuck Hagd (R-NE) have no chance of defeat. The result is a variety of opportunities for the GOP to retake the Senate.

One pundit recently noted that the GOP is fidding its best class of Senate candidates since 1990. This works in tandem with the fact that most Senate seats up for re-election next year are in the conservative South and Midwest regions, friendly territory for the GOP.

Minnesota

Paul Wellstone (D-MN) was re­dected with just 51 % in 1996 and has drawn a strong challenger in Republican St. Paul Mayor Norm Coleman. Wells tone is one of the most liberal members of the Senate, even to the lefr of most voters in Minnesota a state that has tended Democrat (the only state Reagan never carried). However, Coleman is a former Democrat and is currently a liberal Republican. This can often be troublesome for a GOP challenger because his conservative base might not turnout to support him, but Republicans hope that in this case the base will turnout to defeat the hyper-liberal Wellstone, while Coleman is liberal enough to grab the center and even some Democrats. To top it off Coleman ran for statewide office in 1998, taking second to Governor Jesse Ventura, so he has previously built a

' statewide base and name identification. He also has raised quite a bit of money and is polling near Wellstone . already, nearly a year out from Election Day.

South Dakota

In conservative South Dakota, which President Bush carried with 60% of the vote there is a Democrat up for re­dection, Tun Johnson. This is Johnson's first re-election and he too won a tough dection with just 51 % of the vote in 1996. Not only that, but he too has drawn a strong challenger in Congressman John Thune. South Dakota only has one congressman, so Thune, like Minnesota's Norm Coleman, has a statewide base and

statewide name identification. Thune is also immensely popular in the state and is actually polling ahead of Johnson already. Some have tried to trump this race as Bush vs. Daschle because Bush made multiple overtures in successfully convincing Thune to not run for Governor, but rather to challenge Johnson for the Senate. At the same time Daschle, also from South Dakota, has stated that the re-election ofJohnson is his # 1 priority. This appears to be the GOP's most likdy pick-up.

Missouri

Former Missouri Four-term Congressman Jim Talent once again gives the GOP someone with proven statewide credibility challenging a precarious incumbent. Talent narrowly lost his bid for Governor of Missouri in 2000 amidst charges of voter fraud in St. Louis. Now he challenges Senator Jeanne Carnahan, a woman who has never run for office and is only a Senator by way of her late husband. When her husband Mel Carnahan died the state rallied to dect him6ver Senator John Ashcrofr as a tribute to him, sporting Tm still with Mel" bumper stickers and buttons. Talent is well liked and is a proven fundra iser and campaigner, An interesting issue that looks to play into the dection is that Carnahan voted against Ashcroft's confirmation to be Attorney General, and now he has sky-high approval ratings in Missouri.

Iowa

Iowa is the showcase of another tough battle for the Democrats as another one of the most liberal members of the Senate, Tom Harkin, faces another tough ·re­dection, Harkin won his 3nl term in 1996 with a bruising victory with 52% of the vote. 2002 looks to be similarly close, as Harkin has drawn moderate Republican Congressman Greg Ganske. Ganske has angered conservatives with many of his votes and appears to be a good fitfor Iowa, which swings either way. Ganske is aggressivdy raising money already and travding the state.

Georgia

Further down the list of competitive seats would be Georgia, where first-term Senator Max Cleland has drawn Congressman Saxby Chambliss as a challenger. Senator Cleland squeaked into office with just 49% of the vote in 1996 and 2002 will be the first referendum on his performance. Congressman Chambliss now jumps into the race because the

Democrats who control the redistricting process have cut his district up and he has nowhere to run, so he will seek higher office. Chambliss is probably the ideal challenger to Cleland and is a good fit for the state. However, Cleland is a war veteran, a particularly suong background in light of recent events. He has voted in l!ne with what Georgians would want and Georgia's favorite, conservative Senator Zell Miller, has already promised to campaign for Cleland.

Missed Opportunities in u,uisiana 6-Montana

There are also several conservative states that host Democratic Senators up for re-election next year where the GOP has squandered excellent oppOrtunities for pick-ups. In Louisiana, Democratic Senator Mary Landrieu won in 1996 with just 50% of the vote amid charges of voter fraud. She has drawn Congressman John Cooksey a Republican recently made famous by his unfortunate comments regarding Arabs. Cooksey is a decent, but far from ideal challenger. However, the GOP has done a far worse job recruiting in conservative Montana. Democrat Max Baucus won in 1996 with 50% of the vote, and last year Gore garnered just 33%.

Michigan

In Michigan, Four-term incumbent Senator Carl Levin is up for a fifth term. He won In 1996 with 58% and appears to be set for re-election next year. His opponent is Three·term state Representative Andrew Raczkowski. A statewide poll shows Levin with less than 55%, good news for the little known Raczkowski. As a young, articulate, energetic conservative and an offic;er in the U.S. Army Reserves, Raczkowski might be just the person who can draw an appropriate contfllSt with Levin. He clearly has a very uphill battle against the veteran Levin, but he is doing the right things 'that . will be necessary to be competitive and to possibly win.

NewJmey

The one other incumbent that gives the GOP a chance to make a pick-up is in New Jersey where Democrat Senator Bob "The Torch" Torricelli would normally face an easy re-election, but an ongoing investigation into his 1996 campaign finances and allegations of ethics violations have brought a rash of bad poll numbers, His vulnerability and the likelihood of the GOP picking up this seat correlates with what the investigation brings .

New Hampshirr

The Oems top two targets are Senator Bob Smith (R-NH) and Senator Tim Hutchinson (R-AR), Smith has drawn attention for his high-profile primary opponent in Republican Congressman John Sununu. Sununu, the son of a former New Hampshire Governor who was also former President Bush's Chief-of-Staff. is the young, articulate Republican who has challenged the activist conservative Republican Senator Smith. Pro-Lile and Pro-Gun conservatives have rallied for Smith always a pioneer on those issues:

The Democrat nominee will be Governor Jeanne Shaheen. Shaheen will be a formidable candidate as she has been elected three times to Governor; however, she has drawn a lot of controversy recently for her wotk with schools and taxes. Polls sh~w Sununu beating both Smith and Shaheen, and Smith trailing Shaheen in a general election match-up, exuemely rare for an incumbent Senator. All this bodes poorly for the conservative Smith who is seen as possibly the most vulnerable incumbent of either party. If he wins the primary and faces Shaheen a victory will be difficult; however, if Sununu wins the primary he is likely to hold the seat for the GOP.

Arkansas

Tim Hutchinson in 1996 was the first Republican elected to the Senate from Arkansas since 1879. A conservative Christian Republican, Hutchinson has had some trouble with his base due to his messy 1999 divorce and then remarriage a year later with a former staffer.

Democrats also threaten GOP incumbents in Maine, Oregon and Colorado. However, in all three races the GOP appears to have dodged the worst possible challenger.

The GOP also looks likely to hold their seats in North Carolina where Liddy Dole is likely to succeed retiring Senator Jesse Helms and South Carolina where Congressman Lindsey Graham is likely to succeed retiring Senator Strom Thurmond.

Ultimately issues out of the control of any of these candidates might determine their fate, namdy the war on terrorism and the economy, however, the GOP appears poised to re-take the Senate with an excellent class of challengers to Democratic incumbents, poor challengers to their incumbents, plus possession of the White House.~

letters@michiganreview.com

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[ November 28, 200 1 THE IIICB1OA11 RBVIBW - PAID ADVERTISEMENT Page 111 . KYOTO from Page 1 what changes could be tpade . to reduce

Uni~ersity emjssions. Hen<;e, added costs proven to be a point of contention for would result in the formation of research Bush and Kyoto countries; however; the and planning groups to forIl1ulate these President is also strong in saying that the specifics. treaty is unfair and unteasonable in its With tough financial times dem ands for the U .S. to cooperate. overshadowing most endeavors this .rear, Although the United States would be most much speculation can also be drawn about heavily restricted by the treaty in that it this call to action for the. University. has the highest emissions of any other Tuition jumped 6.5 perc<;nt this year to country at 26 percent of the world's deal with budget shortages, and the emissions, China and India, close behind financial crisis resulting from the the U.S. in emissions, are exempt from September 11 attacks make hopes of a reform under the protocol. brighter financial future even more dismal.

. In addition, Bush has noted that the Hence, increases in funding to energy-financial resources necessary to conform efficiency would seem difficult to to the treaty would be exorbitant. An increase in energy costs of at least $2,000 per household would result according to studies by the Wharton Econometric

Translations of these changes to the University specifically are undetermined, hut would no doubt have similarly ~high

undertake in coming years .

In addition to costs, much of the effort , .. to reduce greenhouse gases is unfounded. According to a Jonathon H. Adle; artidf! The National Review, «iii a 1997

costs resulting from the overhauls and restrictions · that would be required,

Fore c asting Associates and the Charles River Associates. Heating costs would increase as much as 70 percent and gasoline prices would increase at least 50 cents per gallon.

Translations of these changes to the University specifically are undetermined, but would no doubt have similarly high cost incrc-ases resulting from the overhauls and restrictions that would be required. In addition, confusion has resulted as to

SECURITY from Page 9

poll, most state-government climatologists disputed the claim that 'human ;.activities are already disrupting the global climate.' True, the environmental group Ozone Ac~on got 2,600 scientists, including several Nobel Laureates, to sign a petition making that claim. But a counter-petition, circulated with a letter from Frederick Seitz, past president of the National Academy of Sciences, has garnered over

18,000 signatures, including many from physicists, geophysicists, climatologists, meteorologists, oceanographers, and environmental scientists. Scientific truth is not determined by

planned for the next several years. ltmay be a time for strategic planning on energy nearer to the end of current efforts, when better funding might be available and

current

majority vote, but there Whether it be the affirmative undertakings would not be undermined.

is clearly no 'consensus' . action crusade currendy

undertaken by the University or this current environmental

that human-induced warming is here."

Even if global warming is a valid concern, many local initiatives already serve in some capacity to conserve energy at Michigan. The Energy Management program and local efforts of

Finally, the calls by environmentalists to the University look for President Bollinger to take a lead · in an internationally unsuccessful

concern, it is somehow the belief of liberals on campus that this public institution

must be a leader in the fight for specific political victories.

Energy Star since 1997 have worked to investigate and upgrade energy uses at the University to be better efficient. Energy Star has undertaken five stages to

implement in the next seven years. Steps include: lighting retrofitting, optimization of existing equipment, HVAC load reductions, HVAC distribution improvements and ' HVAC plant improvements.

According to its website, the program is a means of focusing and better organizing the University's diverse energy management activities inexistence and to more evenly allocate available funding. In addition, the program looks to increase student support and to cut costs in tight financial times.

Efforts of Energy Star are well

effort. Whether it be the affirmative action crusade currently undertaken by the University or · this current environmental concern, it is somehow the belief of liberals on campus that this public institution must be a leader in the fight for specific political victories.

While 200 faculty members support the petition, a great deal of people associated with the University do not~Such calls should be disregarded not only because the actual merits of complying with the Kyoto Protocol are questionable in many senses, but mostly .on the basis that a public educational institution crusading for liberal beliefs is not in accordance with its mission and should hence be stopped and refoc used. Mt .

Did I mention that a Gallup poll reported that 71 % of Blacks believe that airport security should pay more scrutiny to

Arabs. That is above the number of whites who support proftling.

CPAC Is the Oldest & Largest National Gathering of Conservatives ...

Every person on the FBI's "Most Wanted Terrorists" list is an Arab. But if the FBI is going to apprehend these terrorists. it is impossible to look beyond race when every single one of them is an Arab. Race is one of many descriptive characteristics and just because a few people's feelings might get hurt, that doesn't mean that it must' be completely overlooked.

What needs to be done is simple: People who clearly fit the profile based on a number of factors must be extensively scrutinized, and race must be a central, but not determining factor in their search. If this means profiling, then so be it; these guys have the blood of thousands of Americans on their hands, and we need to get them. This doesn't mean we should pass judgment on all Arabs, but it does mean that if you are named Mohammed, you are an Arab, you are from Yemen, you are traveling alone, you have a pilot's license, you are on an expired visa, and you paid for your ticket in cash. expect to be scrutinized.Mt

CP AC Is the Place to Be for Conservative Students www.cpac,org or call 1-800-752-4391

Cons'ervative Political Action Conference

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Students attend for FREE!!!! Students who pre-reglster can attend the three-day conference for free, a $90 value. Other free events for students are also available at www.cpac.org.

The dates of the conference are Jan,uary 31- February 2 at the Crystal Gateway Marriott in Arlington, V A. Please call 1-800-228-9290 for hotel reservations if you need the1l1. The individual who generates .the most registrations for this year's CPAC will win an all expense paid VIP trip for to the Reagan Ranch in Santa Barbara. California courtesy ofYoWlg America's Foundation.

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BOARD from Page 1

forgetting a "paid for by" notation on the bottom of their posters. It appeared that the election was going to be clean and . uneventful.

That all changed when a member of one of the parties caught the Blue Party inside a closed, locked building in the wee hours of the morning. These campaigners were using their illegal entry to monopolize the wall space at the MLB and Dennison, widely known as the crown jewels in every postering campaign.

The Blue Parry members gained access to the MLB some time before 4:30 a.m. on Monday, Nov. 5th

, and began postering. At approximately 4:30 a.m., two members of the Michigan Party found the Blue campaigners inside the locked building, and immediately called DPS. A report was filed, and the Blue Parry members were ordered to leave, but no charges were filed.

The following morning, at 4:20 a.m. on Tuesday, Nov. 6"', DPS found 3 Blue Parry members inside the MLB putting up posters again. Again, a report was filed, and the Blue Parry members were asked to leave, but no charges were filed.

The morning after that, at 6:20 a.m., when the Dennison building was still closed, a few Universiry Democrat members arrived to find that the Blue Parry had already covered the walls with posters.

Thus, the Michigan Parry, along with the University

SJ. .y STAn IluoKn

eng FOR· Style Blue Party MSA Praident Matt Nolan's • On email list "UofMEuc.hrc:· - of frienda li.t for bi. MSA pre.idenr he is a kader, along wirh-Blue Party M

When FOR was 'faced wirh a hoaiIc . campaign. President Matt Nolan . uprane Court. intan on saiking down • 4 arc Icackn the U-M Euchre club - • On email list ·compadres,· meanin . blatuldy unconstitutional propoals. be along with Blue Party MSA President Mart ·friends'" - an e.mail lisr for a group 0

l:Ievised a simple IOlutioo: Pack cbe court Nolan. friends including Blue Party MSA Pres:idcn itb cnoup juscica to paraou::e succaa. • 4 are on the cmaillist ·compadra" - a Matt Nolan.

Now. wonder why me Central Srudent smalliisr of 11 people. of whom FIVE are udiciary dismiacd charges apinst the cirbcr CSJ justices, or. you guessed ir, Blue Iuc Parry and Blue Party candidara, eYal Pany MSA Presidenr Mart Nolan. ,ougb the violations of illepIly breaking to buildinp were doauncnced by DPS

ru and ClOUDdas wimeaca?

incidence? Or do these guys just all 'pen to be Eucbrc f.uu?

Can candid, ... expect justice when me deck is .taebd 10 heavily in &vor of the Blue Party?

Justice John Schafl

Justice Jennifer Seamon The. Whi te. House

Justice Jun Takayau com pad res, F r i e n d S 0 fN 0 I a 0

UofMEuchrc, The.White.Howe

Justice Steven Couch Ooanaillist--rbe.Whirc.Housc·-Blue· compadres, FriendsofNolan

the 9 CSJ Justices: 5 are mcmbcn of "The White Howe·

.• liat, Blue Pany MSA President Mart olan', Howe Party list.

are membcn of -FricnddNolan· -

students, they would have-been ar~esi:~d . and booked for trespassing.

Given the solidity of the evidence, the Election Soard immediately began to decidepiitli~hment. One member of the Electib'n Bo'.ird was in favor of removing the whole parry, while the election director was initially in favor Ofissuing one demerit to everyone in the party. Also discussed was the integriry of the case as it would

surely be presented

Pan)' MSA Praidcnr Mart Nolan's bouse UofMEuchre, The.White.House part)' list. • 00 email list ·FricodsofNolan- - Blue Parry MSA President Mart Nolan', friends list.

rules (V.1.2.b).

Justice Stephen Lund com padres. FricndsofNolan

UofMEucrue,The.White.House Mt

that the Election Board had overstepped its bounds when it determined that the parry had violated the integriry of the elections.

Democrats, put a case before the Election Board, charging the Blue Parry with violating state and local laws. More relevantly, the case charged the Blue Party with

The fact that CSJ circumvented the very Code they were sworn to uphold

effectively castrated the Election Board.

to the Central Student Judiciary in the event of an ejection, since such a decision is always appealed. It was determined that the only two

At the hearing, Meves and Clifron were represented by MSA Law Rep. Chris Sheehan, a member of the Blue Party. Their casecentered around their assertion that the buildings were not closed, and that even if they were, no law was broken. Parry co­chair John Carter argued that despite there being a rule prohibiting entering a building while officially closed, since it had been commonplace in elections past , these actions should be overlooked~ Both Meves and Clifton admitted to being in the buildings as accused, but that they didn't know the buildings were closed.

The Board adjourned to deliberate. We discussed the ramifications of our decision, and tried to decide on a fair punishment. The prevailing mood in the chambers was that a message had to be sent, and the idea of four demerits for everyone in the parry, as well as Meves and Clifton being ejected was discussed. I was adamantly in favor of the parry-wide demerits, but suggested that three demerits would be fairer. The reason for this was that the Blue Parry had already received a parry demerit, meaning that the party chair decided who the demerit was going to. Blue's Medicine candidate had volunteered to take that demerit, and had we issued four demerits to everyone in the party, he would have been ejected from the election, as a candidate is ejected after five demerits.

Blue also decided to argue the three demerits to the entire party based on what they deemed improper notification, despite the fact that the Election Code specifically states that candidates may not argue demerits until they have been removed from an election (Y.1.3.b) . Election Board representative Alok Agrawal pointed this out to CSJ , citing the specific wording of the Code (which CSJ is required to adhere to) , but CSJ decided to ignore the Code and hear the case anyway.

CSJ ruled that Meves, Clifton and the Blue Parry were not properly notified of their charges, and that the demerits were to be dropped. CSJ blatantly ignored the Code's stipulation that the demerits could not be argued and ruled that the demerits to the party be dropped as well.

violating several Election Code rules, including integriry of elections (V.H.9 of the Compiled Code), violations of free speech and discourse (V.G.2), as well as (V.H.8) , which stipulates that no candidate or party may violate any state or local law in the process of campaJgnmg.

In this complaint, the heads of the Michigan and Universiry Democrat parties asked that a full investigation begin and that the entire Blue Parry be removed from the elections.

This request was not taken lightly by the Election Board, as we discussed these events and their potential consequences at length, determined to let justice prevail and punish the offending parry fairly.

Guilt was obvious. The DPS report (DPS Incident #01-06701) stated plainly that three members of the Blue Party were in the MLB at 4:30 a.m., well over two hours before the building officially opens. By state and local laws, such actions are considered trespassing, and DPS told the three individuals that had they not been

members of the Blue Party who

could be removed from the elections were Scott Meves and Brian Clifron, the two names mentioned specifically in the DPS reports. Twelve members of the Blue Parry were being accused, but the DPS reports only mentioned those' two names specifically, S0 the Board felt that the best chance for success in a CSJ he;u-ing would . lie in MeveS and Clifton being removed.

Over the course of the next few days, as Michigan Party and University Democrats members rounded up their evidence and produced DPS reports, the Election Board discussed and dreaded the decision that was going to have to be made.

After the DPS reports and the entirery of the complaintS against the Blue Parry were received, Election Director Elizabeth And~r~on e-m~i1ed Meves,Clifton, and the two heads of the Blue Parry, to let them know that they were being accused of these violations. The e-mail stated the nature of the violations and was sent well over 12 hours before the hearing before the Election Board was to be held, as per Code

It was decided that Meves and Clifron be removed fr9m the election, and the rest of the Blue Party members were to receive three demerits each. The decision was given to the Blue Party me~bers in attendance, at which time party co-chair Jessica Cash stated that Blue was going to appeal to CSJ.

The CSJ hearing was set for the next day and initial briefs were exchanged. Blue's defense centered around a technicality in which they claimed that the party wasn't properly notified of the accusations, and

As a result, Meves won his election and is now a MSA Representative. Clifton missed the final LSA seat by a few votes. The news of the demerits and ejections received minimal.coverage in the Daily, which essentially considered the events inconsequential and irrelevant to the election.

As for myself, after hearing the decision of CSJ, I immediately resigned from the Election Board. The fact that CSJ circumvented the very Code they were sworn to 'uphold effectively castrated the Election Board. The precedent set by their decision is that the Election Board has no power to enforce the rules of the election, as any decision it makes will be appealed and overturned by CSJ. CSJ's decision set the precedent that the Code is irrelevant, and that CSJ has the ultimate authoriry not only to hear the cases presented to them, but also to decide by what laws they are going to judge them.Mt

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