Vol. 10, Issue 4 April 15, 2011 (Happy Tax Day!)

Angelo State’s Finest Paper Since Fall 2006 On the Internet @ Ramdiculous.com

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Quote of the Week

Life’s lessons learnt from a really scary dude By Lassie Molasses

Everyone does bad

things as a kid—you don’t

clean your room or what-

ever your transgression

is—but for one darling

little second grader the

crime of taking something

out of her mommy's purse

without asking first met

her with the dumbest if

not scariest punishment

she's ever had.

Imagine: there she is,

sitting in the living room

reading (because she’d

been terminally grounded

from TV for kicking a vac-

uum and then turning the

TV on—but I digress; that

is a story for another time)

when in comes her mom.

Little girl is told to get in

the car.

Blindly like a lemming,

she follows and does what

she is told, and proceeds

to plant butt to seat and

buckle up. Next thing

she knows, she is enter-

ing a halfway house

where her mother

has a

c o n -

vict yell

at her for

stealing.

This guy was

huge!!! Covered in

tats and all around

about the equivalent of

the boogie man to her.

This yelling at lasts

for hours she sits there

thinking, OMG, will this ever end?

He tells her the hor-

rors of prison, and how

if she didn’t stop taking

things without asking

she’d end up there and

then get constantly

beat up by some hulk-

ing brute named Betty

Joe or something like

that.

Finally he finishes,

she's in tears and truly

flipped out for taking her

mommy's hair brush

when all of a sudden

said scary guy smiles and

buys her a pack of Juicy

Fruit from the vending

machine—it was

the most random

way to end a

punishment she

had ever had.

And to this day she

cannot eat Juicy Fruit out

of the fear that some big

scary convict will come

out and say, “If you ever

take anything without

asking again, then I’LL

FIND YOU... YAR!”

Lassie Molasses is the Ramdiculous Page’s Crime and Punishment editor. She also has a thing for orange juice, blah blah, yakkety smakkety.

Vol. 10, Issue 4 Something to read in class today

R A M D I C U L O U S   P A G E   P O L I C Y Published every other Friday and available to students on campus. This newspaper does not express the opinions of any writer, editor, or anyone affiliated with Angelo State University or the Texas Tech University System or this newspaper. We welcome all letters, tweets, and other such nonsense. Please include your name, position, and an email address. All submissions are considered property of the Ramdiculous Page and will not be returned, EVER. Submit your letters, articles, and/or secret crush via our email, page@ramdiculous.com, or our website, www.ramdiculous.com. Opinions in any letter or writing are not necessarily those of the staff, nor should any opinion expressed in a public forum be con-strued as the opinion or policy of the administration or the Ramdiculous Page. By submitting anything to the Ramdiculous Page, you are giving the Ramdiculous Page permission to use your Facebook and/or MySpace profile in any way the Ramdiculous Page deems usable, unless expressed in writing. If you are an professor you need not worry, we will not use your profiles. Also—Batman vs. Deadpool: who would win? 

Top Editor Bryce J. Parsons

Artists and Writers The Usual Ramdiculists & Goons

Jenny don’t change your number Eight six seven five three oh nieeeiiine

“Sudoku just makes me want to shoot my-self in the face every time I see it.” -Christine Boswell (Disgruntled Ramdiculist who hates that we brought back the Sudoku. Oh well.)

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the incredible question

Ram of the Week: Jennifer Rystrom Meet Jennifer. She is über-smart. She is also über-accident-prone, just

like her compadre, former Ram of the Week Christine “Iron Maiden” Bos-well (see Quote of the Week).

And I thought Christine was klutzy. Jennifer hurt her foot playing soc-

cer while trying to kill the competition, dude! However, her killer in-stincts still make her able to hunt wild game in the forest at night with nothing but her bare hands and teeth. Yowza.

Also, she practices good oral hygiene. Her teeth, which we just men-

tioned in the paragraph above, are freakishly white. You will go blind if you look at her teeth when she smiles. It’s like the SUN, but less yellow.

What we’re saying is, her smile is like sunshine. Now isn’t that a nice

thing to say? Pictured: Hunting instincts

Word of the Day:

sesquipedalian (n.): 1.) A person who

uses long words. 2.) A long word.

(From Wiktionary)

DISC GOLF TOURNAMENT

April 30, 2011 @ 8:00 am In front of the University Center

1st Annual AAS Robert G. Carr, Sr. Fundraiser

For more info, contact Kirk Trevena at (325) 300-6942

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Ode to Student Life By Miss C. Boz

Oh, Student Life

You’re such a delight

I really REALLY hate staying up

Real late at night.

Writing my papers,

Studying for exams,

Freaking out ‘cuz our paper

Was under the fan.

As it twirled and twirled,

The blades coming closer

I feared for the life

Of our darling news-poser. (LOL)

I prayed that our overseers

Would grant a reprieve

That we’d be able

To pull an ace out our sleeve.

And win the game

To print again

So that we wouldn’t

Be faced with shame.

Yarr.

Poetry Time.

Write or draw for us! Contact us at:

page@ramdiculous.com (P.S. For every article you write that gets published,

you get a $5 gift card. Who says no to money?)

Who’s This? Send us your

answer! Facebook.com/

ramdiculous Last answer: Roscoe the Ram

(If you didn’t get it right, you suck.)

Picture of the Week: Showing support

I’ll always be there for you. Even in the loo.

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We are your voice, the voice of the Students of Angelo State.  Be heard, we would like to know what you love about ASU, what you hate about ASU and what you think needs to be changed around here.  We are here for 

YOU!  

If you have a comment, complaint, concern, or question, don’t hesitate to contact us.  Via email sga@angelo.edu, via phone  

(325) 942‐2063, via our suggestion box in the UC, in our office UC 133 or even come attend our meetings at 6 PM on Monday nights. 

ADVERTISE WITH US. If you would like your ad to appear in the

Ramdiculous Page, please contact us at ads@ramdiculous.com

Advertising Guidelines 1. Deadline for ads to be submitted is 1:00pm the Tuesday be-

fore publication. 2. Ads will be received only if they are complete. The Ramdicu-

lous Page will not create any ads. 3. Ad size will not exceed one-quarter of a page. 4. Organizations/events may have more than one ad, but no

organization/event will be allowed more than one-quarter of a page in ad space.

The Ramdiculous Page will not advertise for any off-campus event except in certain circumstances,* or anything of questionable nature. This includes but is not limited to: Alcohol drugs tobacco illegal activities *Exceptions to this rule will be determined by the staff of the Ramdiculous Page

 

Top Ten Idiots who need prison time

10.) THE HOFF

9.) Pepsi execs for not bringing

back Crystal Pepsi

8.) Kanye West, for EVERY-

THING HE DOES, EVER

7.) Danny Bonaduce

6.) Miley Cyrus, for being mean

to her dad. Shame on her.

5.) Mel Gibson

4.) The Joker

3.) What’s-his-name Sheen?

2.) Keith Greer-May, for...well,

hell, we couldn’t think of

anyone else.

1.) Justin Bieber

Bobronomicon (Ladies please) By Robert Thompson

At least once every two

weeks for as long as I can re-

member a female has annoyed

me in more or less the same

way. “You don’t know the

pressures society puts on

women to be thin.” The word-

ing changes but that’s the sen-

timent.

Gentlemen, you can stop

reading here and hand your

copy to the nearest female.

Done? Alright.

Ladies, the notion that all

men are looking for skinny

women just isn’t true. There

are nicer ways to say it but

most of us just don’t care.

Only a minority of men prefer

skinny women. If you want

proof, ask us and we will tell

you to your face that being too

thin is at least as much of a

Laconic Trope of the Day

Nothing Can Save Us Now

TV Tropes will ruin your life. Read them at tvtropes.org.

“A Stock Phrase someone says

in the face of failure right be-

fore the arrival of a Deus Ex

Machina.”

By Thomas Nast MANKATO, MN—An alien

spacecraft landed in an ancient

field populated by ancient Viking

ghosts, according to locals.

However, the landing was in-

terrupted when the Loch Ness

Monster and Bigfoot had an all-

out brawl for no apparent reason.

“I nearly spontaneously com-

busted, it was SO awesome,” said

Martin Whiffleball, a local who

apparently believes that awe-

someness is volatile.

Meanwhile, Chuck Norris

showed up to kick someone, but

everyone reminded him that this

isn’t 2007 anymore and those

jokes are old.

WEIRD THINGS HAPPENED! turn off as being too fat. Better

still consult one of the numer-

ous online polls or television

programs that deal with this

sort of thing. Christina

Hendricks, Kim Kardashian,

Vida Guerra, and Salma Hayek

are all sex symbols and none

of them is rail thin. Assertions

about societal pressure on

women’s weight also suggest

that this is a uniquely female

issue, and it is not. Men are

also held up to physical scru-

tiny, I should know, I’m a fat

guy.

The truth is that for every

Jessica Alba you see there is a

Daniel Craig that we see, and

man or woman I doubt there

are many of us who are happy

with how we look. Maybe we

complain less, or maybe you

have better publicists, but we

all have an image of perfection

to strive for and I’m not so

convinced that’s a bad thing.

So please, before you agree

with a woman who says this,

or worse still say it yourself,

ask two simple questions:

Who exactly is putting this

pressure on you? And are you

the only one feeling the crush?

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SUDOKU

Difficulty: 24 (Hard)

OMG! WE BROUGHT BACK THE SUDOKU!