victorita dutu I Want Another World

8/14/2019 victorita dutu I Want Another World

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I WANT ANOTHER WORLD



********

I want to sleep, to be fast asleep,

But my thoughts don`t let me,

They make me ask God

If I love Him, if I truly love Him,

And He answers me with the same question

“Do you love me?”

“My Lord,

I want to be the child

Who appears from

Blue flowers

And tells You from the distance, laughingAnd running to You :

“Look, My Lord, the blue flowers!

I give them to You,

They are Yours

Because You caressed them

Every night when the moon rises,

You know, My Lord, I watched You last night,

I saw the tears that made Your face glitter,The stars were singing but You kept silent,

I beg You to take these blue flowers,

They are Yours

Because they are born from Your tears.

********

My Lord, this day was blessed

For I could see for a moment

The bread and the wine in the apse.

They made You be present

Among men who are searching You.

Very few thought of You

But You came,



Mysteriously present among them

That no one could see You.

However, some of them felt Your presence,

An incredible Beauty surrounded them,

That was Your love, Jesus, My Lord!

*********

I can see the blue sky at day time,

At night I can see the sky full of stars;

I can see the cloudy sky during the storm

And the sun rays behind the clouds

Running towards me.

I can see the forest lying in the horizonAnd the high grass which does not accept

My shy steps.

Beyond all the things I can see

I cannot find

The One I am looking for.

You who created the clouds

And the rain

You who created the forests,The sky and the stars

Where are You ?

Where are You ?

How shy are the flowers

When I walk near them

How clear are the waters,

The springs and the fountains

How glittering are all these !

********

Near a fountain

Someone is staying the head bent,

Propped up on his arms.



Who could be the one who is staying

With closed eyes, with eyes full of tears ?

I sat down by Him and I kept silent

And all the questions had disappeared.

*********

Jesus my Lord, when you were walking alone

Through the mountains

To prey to God

In the morning before dawn

Or in the evening

Were You not afraidOf the rock all around

And of the loneliness from outside?

I wondered thousands of times

How were You preying

In loneliness and fear?

Weren`t You afraid of the mountain rock,

Of its coldness?

The cold and distant starsDid not frighten You?

The men swarming round You

Didn`t fill Your heart with fright,

Weren`t You weary of us

When we raised our hands fiercely

Ready to strike You, ready to kill You?

All Your creation in the middle of which You lived

Didn`t made You love Your loneliness?

Weren`t You afraid of men,Weren`t you afraid of rocks,

Weren`t you afraid of storms and frost?

I don`t understand why You had to be born

When this world is sentenced to death?

Oh, My Lord, I think like a man,



But how could I think otherwise ?

********

My Lord, the univers is your creation,You created all of it, you created the stars and the light,

Me and this tree against which I lean,

We are your witnesses because you created us.

The night fell and I am so cold,

I felt better before

When the sun was shining and it was hot,

Suddenly the night fell,

I can see nothing around ,Only the stars and the moon

With their light through the branches.

In the night they are shining

And it is so beautiful all around;

But I can touch this beauty

Only by sight,

This beauty rejects me,

I cannot live surrounded by it,I cannot be part of this beauty.

********

My Lord, I`d want to be a child

But the world inside me doesn`t let me,

Men challenge me to duel,

The world from outside hinders me.

My Lord, I`m not free,

How could I embrace Your freedom?

********



The words, the words,

What could they be, the words?

Why did You want us to speak?

How could I find, my Lord,

The word to call You?How could I find the words

Through which to talk to You?

I don`t know why I`m always looking for

Sophisticated words

When the simple and wonderful ones

Express so much sincerity, so much beauty?

Why am I always looking for great words

For not expressing You,Words that make me understand nothing

And through which I lose my way

That I don`t know where I am.

What wonderful gift You made us,

These words, these simple and direct words…

But what is the word through which

I could reveal my secret,

The secret of my love for You,For You and Your world?

********

My Lord, I`m expecting

A great love,

A love so great

As I have never lived before.

How wonderful is this expectation

While I imagineHow this love of mine will be,

When I`ll love Him,

The extremely wonderful One!

I am afraid to tell

How happy I will be.



I`m expecting a great love

And I am extremely happy!

Thank You, my Lord,

For my peace.

My Lord, You are trulyInexpressibly beautiful!

********

My Lord, the angel You sent to me

Let me fly in his place

And he stayed

To watch me flying,

We changed our places,Me and my angel,

I was flying to the stars, to the moon,

And he was praying instead of me.

He gathered all the saints round him

And they were praying together for me;

But I did not know what happened,

That they loved me so much,

I was flying and dancing above the mountains,While he was staying on his knees

And was praying to Jesus to receive

My fly, my dance and my love.

I was dancing and crying

And praying all the time

Together with the angel,

And suddenly he called me

From the distance,

“Look, look to your left,Look to your left and you will see Someone”,

But I could not look

Because I could see nothing,

But I felt that Someone was dancing and flying

Together with me, my happiness was too great.



When I got tired I came near the angel

And he asked me: ”Did you see Him,

Did you see Him ?”

“No”, I answered, “Alas”, said the angel,

“It was Him and He was flying with you,How couldn`t you see Him?”

“I couldn`t see because of my tears,

But tell Him, my angel,

That I felt He was dancing with me,

Can He forgive me for not having looked at Him?

I was thinking only of Him,

Tell Him that , my angel!”

********

“My Master and my Lord “

Said Thomas the Unbeliever to Jesus,

None of the apotres called Him like this,

Only Thomas when he touched the wounds of Christ

After the resurrection.

If I could call You, my Jesus

If I could call You“My Master and my Lord”,

I`d be the happiest woman in the world.

How happy I would be

Because Your love is like the infinite.

This infinite is only a representation,

It is like the complete darkness,

A darkness that will be lightened

By a light round my mind,

I cannot see it, I can only imagine itAnd I want it to lighten the world.

********

It seems that I`d want



To put all Your creation aside

As if it would be a curtain,

And on the other side I`d find You,

Stretching Your open arms to me…

If only I couldPut all Your creation aside

To look only at You,

To see only You.

But You are so far away…

And however, something is happening

In Your creation,

Something is moving…

Is that Your handThat puts aside the curtains

Which cover the doors

Unlocked and open for a long time?

Or it is the wind

That makes the curtains shudder

At Your approach?

********

Your creation is like the mountain

That stands before me.

And You ask me to have

So much trust in You, so much love

To ask to the mountain

To plunge into the sea

And it will obey.But I want it only

To get out of my sight

So that I may see You.

Why, my Lord, it seems sometimes

More simple to me



To dig a path at the foot of the mountain,

To dig a tunnel through its rock

To get to You,

As if you were on the other side

Of the mountainAnd I could not see You otherwise?

********

My Lord, I wanted many times

To ask the mountains to show me

Where You stayed alone and prayed,

But the mountains showed me

Only their sun gilded crestsAnd their carrying stars flames,

I asked the mountains again

And I begged them to show me

Which way You were walking alone,

When the shy waters danced

At Your feet,

But the mountains didn`t answer me.

They let their green leavesChange into blue light carrying stars.

I asked the mountains again

To show me where

You were sleeping in peace,

At the foot of a tree,

The head propped on a stone.

But the mountains started shouting at me

With their thunder and I got afraid.

I stayed there and I looked at the mountainsDay by day, waiting for an answer.

But they kept silent every moment

And their sun gilded crests

Looked at me triumphantly.

I felt so lonely, my Lord,



And I was longing to find You

That I decided to go down

And to climb again their rocky steeps

I was crying and walking,

My despair grew inside me,And I was about to fall asleep

At the foot of an oak,

When I heard a voice saying to me::

“Why are you sleeping, you may not sleep,

Nobody sleeps here,

Until the top of the mountain you may not sleep!

Go ahead and talk to me!

I`m going ahead my LordAnd there is no path before my eyes.

Is it still too far, my Lord, until the distance?

Is it still too far, my Lord?

********

The child is dancing in the moonlight

And God is watching over the dance.

He is smiling and lookingAt the child`s play and dance

In the moonlight or in the sunlight.

The child is dancing

Over the wheat fields,

Over orchards in blossom,

The child is dancing on the clouds

Flying over rivers,

And in the sky God is weeping,

He`s weeping with tears of flowersAnd surrounds the child

Who is dancing and weeping

In the moonlight.

The child is dancing in God`s arms

Surrounded by His love



And this child will never be weeping again!

********

What happiness, my Lord, to see

The world inside me and to shout that.The world where I live

Is a perfect one

Because it exists only in my heart,

And no one could get into it

Because it is only Yours

And it is only You that live

In my perfect world,

And nothing from outside could comeTo trouble my peace,

To destroy my perfect world,

No matter how many evils I could see,

The outside world remains strange to me.

I feel that only here

In my world, with You,

I am myself and still different from me,

And sometimes I wonder Of what I could not be.

********

My Lord, this time

That we measure with the clocks,

This time is not an illusion?

Why shall we call time

This rippling of secondsFrom sunrise to sunset

And from sunset to sunrise?

My Lord, when I think of You,

Of the joy You are giving to me,

The time does not exist anymore,



In my heart there is only Your eternity

And time becomes for me

A mere illusion.

Oh, my Lord, only Your eternity is real,

The time does not exist, it is only an illusion.

********

Saint John the Baptist

Today the world is celebrating you.

I have not celebrated you and now, in the evening,

I am sad and tears are rolling down my cheeks,

Tears of grief and sorrow for I have not prayed,

I have not thought of Jesus nor spoken to Him.Why haven`t I prayed today,

Saint John, why?

Help me to follow the one

Who was your friend,

Who loved you and considered you to be

The first of the Prophets.

You were so great

And you are still great for me.Brother John, I am painful

Because I cannot love God nor worship Him

As you did.

How did you live, why were you so crazy

About truth and so humble,

So deprived of self-pride as to pronounce

These words that I cannot understand,

That I cannot live nor utter:

“He must rise and I must decline”.Do you understand me, Saint John?

Why I cannot live these words before the eyes of God

You must tell me, Saint John!

Pray for me to your friend

And to Our God, Jesus, to give me



Love for Him and humbleness,

Because love and humbleness

Are such comforting feelings.

The love for Jesus, for My Lord

Is so beautiful, but I cannot live itAnd I cannot feel it.

I don`t know why I cannot love Jesus

As a God, and why God

Becomes so strange to me

And I don`t know in whom I must believe.

Oh, Jesus, You are indeed My Lord!

********My Lord, my home is

The most beautiful place

That I could ever dreamt.

My Lord, I am a traveller through the desert

Through this desert full of people

That resemble to coloured and wandering shadows.

My Lord, my home is not desert,

My mother and my father are thereAnd they love me so much!

My brothers and my sisters too.

At home I find my old grand-mother

That waits for me to bring her a glass of water,

At home I find my childhood,

It was there that I cried for the first time,

At home I find my happiness.

My home does not seem desert to me

Because You live there,Because I find You

In all things and creatures.

********

My Lord, in our heart



There is a so beautiful house,

But I cannot unlock it,

Because I can enter inside it

Only together with you.

How happy I am, my LordThat You exist, that You raised from the dead,

That You are alive in our heart,

Because You can come

And stay with me in my room.

********

Inside me the grief laboursLike a plough in the furrow of soul

Sowing the seeds of love.

How painful is it for me

When each furrow detaches itself

In my flesh and when

Tears of white blood flow

Receiving the word

Of Your eternal love.How deep my forgetfulness is

Until Your word becomes

Eternal flower inside me,

Until Your seed

Will spring up inside me,

Until the plough of life

Will engrave inside me

Your eternal words,

Until my white bloodWill flow in streams

From which my flowers will feed,

Will grow and blossom.

Will I live until You

Coming down Your blue skies



Drawing near my mind

Will walk in the freshness of the evening

Through the trees and the flowers

Which grew on my body ?

********

The red tears of the sun

Poured out on my heart.

I listened to their rippling

In the river of my thoughts.

It died away.

The sound of the tear died away

And the sky remained deserted of tears,Deserted of crosses,

Of raised hands, of wings.

My hands were still.

My cheeks were cold and hollow.

“Hi !” , I heard a voice asking me

“Whom do you love ?”

“I don`t know”, I answered.

“Love is mystery”.He asked me once again:


And once again I answered “I don`t know”.

He kept and kept silent.

Night was falling

And He asked me once again


I kept silent.

Everything is silent.I kept quiet and I heard

The rippling of the sun rays.

After a long time

I started weeping

With blood tears



Raising my hands to the stars:

“Where are You, my Lord?”

********

Somewhere I am hiddenI don`t know anymore where I am

The universe of my thoughts

Makes me shiver.

The stars make me dizzy.

What quietness under these stars

That glitter,

The universe says nothing to us

Only we, the human race, continue to speak Saying nonsense.

What silence, what rejecting peace!

All this quietness in Your creation

Makes me freeze,

If You wouldn`t exist, if You wouldn`t exist

To raise my thoughts towards You,

What should I do during so many years

Of loneliness?

********

Oh, My Lord, how sublime is Your creation

And how far I am from You!

How could I kiss that flower on the lake,

That wonderful water lily, if it is so far from me?

The night fell, it is cold and I cannot fly up to there,

I cannot swim, the water is frozen,

I cannot tear myself away from the tree.I cannot reach the tops of the fir trees

To caress them,

I cannot fly up to the stars and back to the earth,

I cannot strike the lake bottom

To touch the sand and the roots of the flowers,



All things reject me, My Lord,

Because I know nothing about them.

Look at that swan on the lake,

How wonderful is it, My Lord!It comes to me slowly, floating through the water lilies,

It does not know that I am here.

If I moved, it would run or fly

Because it knows I can destroy its beauty.

What beauty, what beauty, My Lord

And how far I am from its essence!

Oh, My Lord, if You were here near this lake,

Near this swan beautifully floating,How wonderful it would be,

I`d fly with You everywhere.

You`d hold my hand

And I could fly up to the stars,

I would take the stars and scatter them

Over the mountains and over the trees

And over this wonderful swan.

Together with You, Jesus, I could swimNear that swan through the water lilies

And it would not fear me,

It wouldn`t go away,

I would float with You on the lake

And I`d stop fearing the worst things.

My loneliness would cease, I would love You more?

How blind are my eyes in this darkness,

And how far I am from You, from Your beauty

Even if I live in the middle of it!

********

Beautiful are the things that surround me,

They made me think of You

But the mankind frightens me the most



And makes me feel so far of You.

To whom must I resemble, my Lord?

To Your flowers in order to live?

But, in this world there are only

Contraband flowers,Only passions and longing for money

Are in bloom,

And trifles are so important for men.

How could I know that the flower of my heart

Is Your flower?

How many times I asked myself

If my words are inspired by You,

If they do not come from the chaos?My Lord, I am frightened

Even by the things that surround me

When they are touched by men.

********

My Lord, if I could get rid

Of all my memories,

If I could get rid of all the imagesThat hurt my sight and my eyes,

If I could live again my childhood,

How wonderful it would be!

My Lord, only the thought of You

And the hope in You make me go on.

********

Could I take courage to dream?Could I take courage to write?

Could I take courage to imagine?

Maybe only in this way I`ll be able to fly.

I was so far off from myself,

So far off and I started running



Through the forest of my childhood

And I kept running, I kept running,

It seemed to me that I was dreaming

And in my dream I was flying

Over all the beauty of the world,Over all my memories,

I was flying over all the earth!

********

I stopped near a tree

Near the tree where I used to pray to Him.

How many times haven`t I prayed to Him,How many times haven`t I cried

Cause I didn`t know what happened to me

Cause I got tired of life and I hated it.

How many times haven`t I told Him,

Near that tree,

All that I could tell,

I told Him that I couldn`t live anymore,

That I couldn`t love,That I`m sick of life,

Oh, how many times haven`t I told Him all this!

How many times haven`t I looked

At the starry sky through the branches,

How many times haven`t I felt happy near that tree,

How many times, after crying,

Or after pronouncing fierce words, a new hope

Was embracing my soul and I left flying

To live one more instant, one more hour,One more day.

How wonderful was that locust tree!

There was my monastery

Near that locust tree grown on the lake border,

How strange, how beautiful was that locust tree



When it was in blossom!

********

In my dream I was going to my spring,I was going there in my dream

And I prayed there,

I felt the grass growing,

I felt the flowers blooming

I felt the trees growing,

I saw the trees growing…..

I was going to my spring

In my dream…The water of the spring flooded my sights

Washed my eyes,

Washed my feet, my hands, my face…

Why, my Lord,

Why I was carrying this water

Inside me,

Why I was drinking it and why

I was always thirsty…..Why I was always looking

For celestial love,

I couldn`t find it on the earth.

In my dream I was going to my spring

Hoping to find You there, my Lord!

********

I held out my hand before the sun,The blooms burst open,

It rained with flowers over all the earth.

The sky was widening

And descending in my heart,

In my soul,



The sky was all flowers

The light was flowing in blooms.

I loved everything and I was so happy!

The sun was shinning,

The light was our hope.

********

There was someone, somewhere, nearby,

I saw him last year,

He had blue eyes

And was flying to the trees,

To the spring, to the clouds,

To the stars….Suddenly I saw a light.

When I looked at him

He held in his hands an icon

Which lightened his blue eyes,

And a brush.

Suddenly I saw him staying

On the water of the spring

And the brush was flying…“What are you doing here?” asked a fairy,

“What are you doing here?” asked the forest.

He didn`t answer but looked at the sky.

He was praying, the brush was flying

And a new star appeared in the sky.

********

I hear the bells chiming

And inside me their sound vibrates.Summer, summer, give me

Something of your heat

Because I `m cold

And my frozen heart could not love.

The bells are chiming



And they fill the universe

With a rain of sounds, with a rain of songs,

New stars are born and their rays are singing

And all this sound

It`s the Annunciaton dayAnd the angel announces again to the whole world

That God will be born among men.

Listen to his voice, my friends!

Let`s sing accompanied by the sound of the bell

And let the violin weep its love!

My friends, my friends,

The angel announced

That God will be born,Look at the universe turning its stars

Over our eyes tired of so many tears,

Tired of so much pray.

Look my friends,

The angel came to announce the light,

God was born among men,

The Holy Virgin is up in the skies.

Let`s sing, my friends,We are not alone anymore,

The sound of the bells fills the universe,

We are with Him

And He is always being born

In our hearts.

********

My Lord, You have made us a wonderful gift,Our memory.

If we could carry You alive

In the place of the heart and from there

You would speak to us secretly,

If my heart could vibrate



At what are the most beautiful things in this world,

You and Your love,

I would be very happy.

But how could I keep in my memory

This great wonder Which is Your love?

********

The city is dreadful

But apparently favourable to people.

There, you can do anything you want

Because the men of law are blind.

Oh, my Lord, tell me what to doWhy have I been destined to live

Into such a mad world?

If I had been born in Your time

Would I have cried like the others

“Crucify Him at once”?

Hadn`t I wept at Your bloody feet?

Hadn`t I rejoiced for Your resurrection

When You came towards usWho were abandoned and abused

By those who killed You?

Tell me, my Lord, my Saviour,

What must I do for not being misled?

What must I do for not forgetting

That You are my Lord,

That I must pray only to You

And You love me and call me by Your side.

********

How happy I am, my Lord

When You`ll come with me

In my room



And we`ll be there together.

Perhaps then, my Lord

I`ll be able to tell You

. How great is my love.

How much I wanted to be with YouUntil the end of times.

********

Oh, Jesus. My Lord, You have not died,

You cannot die

Because You are always alive

In our souls, You are always present

In our love and our happiness.You are alive, You come from the dead

When we are dying,

To make us live for ever

And make death become a mere word.

********It must be a wonderful thing

To have God with you all the time,

To talk with Him as Noah,

Abraham, Isaac and Jacob did,

To have the Saviour near you every moment

And to pronounce His name incessantly.

How wonderful it must be

When God waits for you on the threshold

To come to His home again.It must be a wonderful thing

To be loved by God

And to have Him with you

In your home.

How peaceful would be your sleep



When He is there, and how deep,

After you got tired of such a long way,

Of so many tears, of too much darkness.

********

My soul is like a desert

And I raise my thoughts towards You, my Lord.

Why I feel like dying and why

The loneliness hurts my soul,

Why am I afraid of You?

Why am I afraid of myself,Of my life, of the world?

Why my mind is befogging

And I have tears in my eyes,

Why my soul is always crying

And I don`t know what happens to me?

Send me Your love, my Lord

And don`t let my soul die

Inside me!

********

My soul seems to be a white circle,

The thoughts are flowing freely

Like blue coloured spots.

My circle is white

And so wide and so deep

That the white color

Seems to change into wingsSometimes…

When my thoughts grow wild

Something like a purple light

Springs up in my soul,

And something sharp, like a sword



Cuts my river of light, of tears…

When my thoughts grow wild,

When they shout and yell,

A blue flower descends

Into my white circleAnd a hand which caresses its petals,

And a voice tells me lowly:

“Let the peace come into your soul, my child!”

********

Oh, how much I wanted in the past

The loneliness of a hermit,

Not in the solitude of a woodBut in the desert of a city,

A city so great

That your spirit is damped

And you don`t know where you are,

You don`t know who you are anymore.

This desert is not less beautiful

Than an isolated wood…

Instead of flowers little children smile to you,Instead of trees in blossom

Men suffering from stress,

With foreheads wrinkled by trouble,

The poverty painted on their clothes.

Instead of the wild beast of the desert

There are people that know nothing about you,

Bored and having the hate in their souls,

They disregard you as if you were mere garbage…

How could you not pray in this desert,So dreadful and so deadly,

Where people are cut off in the prime of their life,

Because they are sick at heart

And tormented like in hell.



********

My Lord, how happy I am today,

What great joy brings me my loneliness!

In silence I think of YouAnd what peace is in my soul!

It doesn`t cry anymore,

It doesn`t feel hurt

As during the days when I thought

I was alone on the earth.

Without God, with no consolation for my soul,

How could I forget to think of God,

Of how much He loves me!I cannot understand why I was weeping

Why I was so desperate!

Now I`m alone with God

And His peace descends over me.

********

I`m alone with GodThere is no other living creature in my room,

I`m listening to the sound of my loneliness

And my Lord is here, with me.

Night is falling, the lights of the town are burning,

The cars are dinning, men are walking in the streets

Every one with his thoughts.

There are so many people gathered in a great town,

So many streets, so many cars, so many trams,

But this background noise is not heardIn my cell from a ten storey building.

I`m in my cell and I pray to God

In loneliness.

What desert is all around!



********

It will be holiday, my Lord,

On that day each man will cryOf great joy, because we all,

So tormented and sad,

We`ll laugh and fill with joy

Because we found at last our home.

We`ll be for ever at home

In this place where love floats all around

And You are waiting for us

To give us Your love for whichWe were longing and wandering.

How happy I will be, my Lord

When I look into Your eyes

And I tell You at last:

“I`m so happy that You are here!”

********

Think, my LordMe and You and the mankind

We`ll be floating and dancing

Like the rain,

Like the rainbow

And like the sights

That are perceiving You.

********

Oh, my Lord, how wonderful it will beOn that day when everything is new,

When it is holiday and we smile again!

I`ll smile for the first time

Because I`ll be in Your house.

Oh, my Lord, what happiness



To float around You and to look at You

The way I could never do it.

********

My Lord, the perfume of these blue flowersSpread on all the earth.

My Lord, You realize,

All the earth vibrate at Your call,

At Your song,

All the earth shall sing with You

And all mankind shall sing

Floating around You

Like the stars round the sun,Like the flowers round the river,

Like my eyes spinning,

Trying to discover You

In all the creation of the world!

victorita dutu I Want Another World

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