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PRIDE WEEK Gay marriage stumbling block for couple’s families

BY TERESA DONIAAmanda Knegje and Melissa Bla-

chinsky met — and fell in love — when they were 21.

They both were post-secondary students living in Richmond Hill at the time and met while working at a local restaurant.

Ms Knegje’s family knew and accepted her sexual orientation.

Ms Blachinsky, however, had not come out to her family and now she faced the difficult task of telling her parents she was gay and that she was in a committed relationship.

It was a difficult period. And yet, with time, came acceptance from Ms Blachinsky’s family.

Fast forward to 2006, the couple had been dating for five years and decided to get married. They were not prepared for the fallout.

“It definitely got a lot harder,” explains Ms Knegje.

“There were lots of questions: ‘Why do you have to get married?’ was the main question my parents kept asking,” adds Ms Blachinsky. “They were OK with us being a cou-ple, but our marriage presented a new, and large, challenge.”

Ms Knegje and Ms Blachin-sky turned to Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) Canada - York Region for help. They received support and a dose of much needed confidence which led them to seek professional counselling.

Ms Blachinsky’s parents also attended local PFLAG meetings and were able to ask questions and lis-ten to stories in a non judgmental, confidential environment.

Ultimately, the couples counsel-ling helped Ms Knegje and Ms Bla-chinsky to better understand and deal with the challenge.

“I stopped feeling like it was my problem,” notes Ms Blachinsky. “If

people have an issue then it’s their issue and not anything I’m doing wrong.”

“With this understanding came more patience,” adds Ms Knegje. “We were able to show more patience and empathy and Melissa and I became stronger as a couple. The family recognized that and started to respect us as a couple.”

This process, however, took about four years. The couple married in 2008 and Ms Knegje demonstrated her respect for Ms Blachinsky’s par-ents by asking for their blessing.

TIPS FOR OTHERSNow living together in Thornhill,

the couple has these tips for LGBTQ couples facing family challenges:

1. Get support. It’s essential and fights the feeling of isolation. “Being a gay couple in this world can be daunting,” states Ms Knegje.

2. Be patient. It will help bridge difficult times. “My parents didn’t get it. They didn’t understand how I could fall in love with a woman,” explains Ms Blachinsky.

3. Lean on friends and fam-ily who are supportive. They offer acceptance and can help lobby on your behalf.

4. Give people the benefit of the doubt. According to Ms Knegje, “we always fear the worst from people’s reactions, but they can surprise you. Most of Melissa’s parents’ friends were very supportive when they learned of our wedding.”

Ms Knegje and Ms Blachinsky are now members of the board of direc-tors, PFLAG Canada - York Region.

Teresa Donia of Richmond Hill is a former reporter with The Liberal, now owner of iAMBIC Communications, who volunteers with PFLAG Canada-York Region.

STAFF PHOTO/NICK IWANYSHYN

Melissa Blachinsky (left) and Amanda Knegje sit comfortably in their Thornhill home and today enjoy support of both their families for their marriage. However, when they first met at a Richmond Hill workplace and fell in love, their families weren’t so accepting of their relationship and their desire to get married stirred up even more emotions.

Y O R K P R I D E F E S T J U N E 1 6 - 2 4

VaughanPeace Tree Festival

Mayor & Members of Councilinvite you to the

7th Annual Peace Tree Festival

Sunday June 24, 20122:00pm - 5:00pmOfficial Welcome at 2:00pm

North Thornhill Community Centre300 Pleasant Ridge Avenue

(East of Dufferin Street, south of Autumn Hill Boulevard)

presenting sponsor

The annual Peace Tree Festivalencourages youth and families ofevery culture & faith to share andcelebrate peace & diversity withinour community. This event willinclude multicultural performances,activities and refreshments.

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family. In York Region ourprogram is offered free of chargein over 60 school and communitysites. To locate a site near you orfor further information contact:

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