Epilogue

My Experience with Video Games: Gaining ‘EXP’

When I was little, I lived in a one-bedroom flat above a Chinese Takeaway, where the

living room was converted into a bedroom for my sisters and me – I have two younger

sisters: Yuen-Man (born in 1990) and Po-Yee (born in 1994). Back then, my parents

worked long shifts consisting of lunch (11am-2pm) and dinner (4pm-12pm). During

working hours, my parents would take turns to check on us and keep us entertained with

cartoons, films, and mostly video games. Even though we had the biggest bedroom, the

game consoles that my Dad bought were set-up in my parent’s bedroom – so we spent a lot

of time playing video games there.

My love for video games definitely grew from the influence of my Dad. My Dad has

always loved playing video games. Besides playing video games at home, when I was

little, my Dad would often take me to video game arcades, so he could play Street Fighter,

while I ran around the store. Nowadays my Dad often tells me that he is too old to play

video games that require high levels of dexterity, time-precision, or large amounts of

English text. Nevertheless, my Dad’s interest in video games has still continued in other

spaces; from sharing his knowledge on the latest video game consoles and playing free-to-

play computer games; such as Candy Crush with the occasional ‘help’ messages – I still

remember panicky ringing home when I only received the word ‘help’ from my Dad on

my Facebook messenger.

Photograph 1: A photograph of the researcher in an arcade [23/08/92]

298

Besides my influence of video games from my Dad, I spent many hours playing on the

Play Station 1 with my sister Yuen-Man (in red) and my cousin Daniel (in orange) – I am

the one in pink (see Photograph 1). I have always loved playing video games, but I mainly

played video games at home, rather than in up public spaces (such as arcades); at most I

ran around the arcade ‘pretending to play’ on the arcade machines – similar to what my

sister Yuen-Man is doing in the photograph.

When I got older (around 12 years old), my cousin Daniel became very interested in

playing Dance Dance Revolution (DDR) and I would often go to arcades with him to

‘shadow’ the ‘player 2’ dance pad - where one credit is inserted for ‘player 1’ to play,

while ‘player 2’ mimics the dance steps from player 1’s screen. I would sometimes

practice playing DDR at home with a plastic dance mat my Dad bought me - however, it

had the tendency to slide across the carpet and when I jumped I would shake the whole

room – I often got told off for playing DDR upstairs, because my parents would hear

banging noises from downstairs in the Chinese Takeaway – so I switched to playing with a

controller instead (Play Station 1 and Play Station 2 – for the later DDR game releases).

My cousin Daniel gradually got better from practicing on his metal dance mat his Dad

bought him, and regularly going to arcades with his friends. Meanwhile, I was discouraged

to go to arcades, because of my age (I was between 12 years old) and my cousin Daniel’s

friends were ‘mostly guys’ – so I stuck to playing DDR within the private domains in my

parents’ bedroom with a controller. I eventually became discouraged to play DDR in

arcades, because my ‘performance’ appeared to be an ‘embarrassment’ among the crowds

when I played next to my cousin Daniel and it also stopped ‘better’ players challenging

him in ‘vs. mode’ – so I mainly watched. At this point, as a young girl gamer, it became to

appear that playing video games in public spaces was ‘restricted’ and my role within these

spaces was to observe or provide support – in my case, carry my cousin Daniel’s

belongings and wait for an opportunity to play when the crowd dispersed. My role as a

spectator within public gaming spaces continued when I met my partner Anthony (I was

around 15 years old); he also enjoyed playing Dance Dance Revolution and I would often

observe him play while carrying his belongings, rather than vice-versa.

However, my passion for Dance Dance Revolution never faded, and as of April 2015, I

purchased a Dancing Stage Euromix arcade machine, where I can play and maintain my

own machine in my cousin Daniel’s garage, and next to his Pump it Up arcade machine –

until I purchase my own house with a garage (see Photograph 2).

299

Photograph 2: A photograph of the researchers DDR machine

With my video game experience, I have played a lot of hand-held games; from my

Gameboy Light (which my Dad bought me), Nintendo DS Lite (which my Dad also

bought me) and my Nintendo 3DS (which my partner Anthony bought me); I found these

gaming devices easier to access and literally ‘pick up and play’. I have only played a

handful of console games and PC games. I rarely played online, because I’ve received

sexist remarks from other gamers such as ‘go back into the kitchen’ or ‘make me a

sandwich’ or harassment to obtain information on my physical feature, especially when I

played Diablo II. Therefore, I’d often play Diablo II in ‘single player’ and occasionally

watched my Dad play Emperor Battle for Dune. In 2008, I started playing Final Fantasy XI

(FFXI) for a few years with my partner Anthony and a few friends to form a ‘linkshell’

(guild), which required an eight-pound monthly subscription fee – I stopped played FFXI

when exams were coming up, but we all agreed to revisit the game during summer

holidays – however, I never went back when I started my Master’s degree. In 2012,

Diablio III came out, so I attempted to play with a group of friends. However, after a week

from release when I logged back on, the rest of my friends had already reached max level

(level 60), while I was still on level 12 – they apparently played every evening after work

till 4am. Nowadays, I often do not find the time to play video games. Despite playing

various games, my gameplay experience is often referred to be ‘inconsistent’ or

‘undedicated’ – I often pick up a game and drop them very quickly without completing

them, then move onto the next.

300

In relation to my research interest in video games, during my undergraduate course at the

University of Salford, I attended a lecture on the study of video games by Prof. Garry

Crawford (one of my current supervisors); I was fascinated how you could apply sociology

with video games and the amount of research out there; so I became interested in studying

video games – I could not play video games as much, but at least I could read about them

and work on something I am interested in! I continued my interest to study video games

with Dr Victoria Gosling (one of my current supervisors) for my extended essay in my

third year undergraduate course. This assessment explored the extent to which video

games represented patriarchal stereotypes; where I considered the representation of video

games among male and female gamers through the literature on video games. For my

Masters dissertation, I explored video games in public gaming spaces in relation to gender

with Dr Graeme Kirkpatrick. I studied video gamers who attended Gamerbase Manchester,

a local gaming centre located downstairs of HMV in Manchester City Centre. My research

interest in video games derives from my previous work with video game studies and my

own video game experiences. Rather than playing the game itself, I prefer the social-aspect

of video games; such as meeting face-to-face with other gamers at various locations to

pursue an interest in video games through various activities – it is the social-aspect of

video games that drives the focus of my research.

However, upon a conversation about my PhD research with my partner Anthony, these

words were said to be three years ago:

You know nothing about video games or video gamers, you can’t just read about them… you have to immerse yourself, and be part of their culture… the books you read may make valid points, but have they actually experienced being part of that video game community themselves?

These words inspired me to reconsider my position as a researcher and as a gamer.

Anthony has always told me that I lacked dedication, ambition and the attitude to improve

in any video game – he did not consider me as a gamer who had been through the same

hardship as others. For that reason, I began to query, ‘how can I research something that I

am not part of?’ Therefore, throughout my research, I worked hard to immerse myself in

various video game-related practices, from various forms of participation (community-

involvement), conversations (game-language), and information (game-knowledge) to gain

an insight of video gamers within video game communities. For instance, from February

2014, I started playing Hearthstone, and continued to play and take part in numerous

301

tournaments, both online and offline. I attended Insomnia Gaming Festivals and came Top

8 at i53 and i55 – in 2015, I was considered one of the top female Hearthstone players in

the UK. Hopefully, my efforts in immersing myself into the culture of video gamers,

dedication through attending over thirty events for this research, participating in various

activities from cosplay, volunteering, getting certain items signed, building a video game

collection, competing in tournaments, and attempting to understand LAN culture through

‘roughing it’ by purposely sleeping at my desk says otherwise.

302