Using Words Effectively

What are you going to say in a business letter?

The boss’s advice…..

“Choose words that sound ‘conversational,’

words you’d expect the reader to know.

Eliminate needless words, and beware of

cliches! Negative words & sexist terms are

losers—they can destroy communications.

And last, make a game to find synonyms

that your readers will find interesting.”

The 8 Rules

1. Adopt a conversational tone

2. Focus on reader’s vocabulary

3. Eliminate unnecessary words

4. Use specific nouns

5. Avoid cliches, regionalisms, & slang

6. Replace negative words

7. Use bias-free terms

8. Use synonyms

Adopt a conversational tone

• The message must be clear & direct

• Avoid the impulse to use big words to try & impress the reader

• Emphasize tone (sound of the letter)

• How well you know the reader will dictate your tone

For example, if you know the client well, you might write…..

Dear Marisa:

Thanks for sending me the purchase order for the

additional brochures you requested. Since you

called me quickly, I was able to change the

printing quantity before the job reached the

Production Department. I can tell you that you will

have all 25,000 brochures by Friday, June 6.

If you don’t know the client well, you might write….

Dear Ms. Stein:

Thank you for sending us the revised purchase

order for 25,000 of your full-color sales

brochures. As you originally requested, all the

brochures will be delivered to you on Friday,

June 6.

• The difference in style in obvious.

• How well you know the client will determine how conversational your letter will be.

• It takes practice to develop the right conversational tone & degree of formality that are appropriate for any type of letter.

• Now let’s go over some terms that you might want to avoid. See the hand out.

Reader’s Vocabulary

• Not necessary to use the biggest or rarest words possible.

• It is never appropriate to use words outside the reader’s vocabulary.

• This goes along with jargon as well as abbreviations or acronyms.

Check this out….

A dichotomy in the opinions of the members

present was evident: Four members favored

increasing our advertising budget, while the

remainder sanctioned a diminution of spending in

this particular promotional area.

HUH?

What did he say?

The members present were split in their opinions:

Four preferred increasing our advertising budget;

all other members favored reducing our

advertising budget.

Much clearer in meaning.

Use words that are appropriate for a reader or

listener.

Eliminate unnecessary words.

• Many times, less is more.

• Be direct & to the point

• Watch– Check in the amount of $5--$5 check– At this point in time—now– I wish to take this opportunity to thank you for—

Thank you for….– At all times—always– For the period of a year—annually

Use specific Nouns

• Identify people, places, processes, etc.

• Make sure pronoun references are clear & relate to antecedent nouns.

• Pinpoint the heart of the problem or situation.

• Let’s look at some examples…..

One person claimed that these computer tables

are difficult to assemble. (Who is that “one person”?)

A customer claimed that these computer tables

are difficult to assemble. (Better: More specific

than “one person.”)

Mr. Wilson claimed that these computer tables

are difficult to assemble. (Better yet: More

specific than “a customer.”)

One of the keys to success, we have found, is to

conduct regular performance appraisals & to

share the result of each appraisal with the

employee. It has certainly helped improve morale

among our employees, as proved by our last

survey. (What does “it” refer to? Not clear.)

Change to….

Our performance appraisal system has certainly

helped improve….

Here are a couple more….

One department is especially concerned that….

(Which “department”?)

The Public Relations Department is especially

concerned that….(Better: “The Public Relations

Department” is specific.)

Does this get to the heart of the matter?

We surveyed all our customers to find out their

attitudes toward recent price increases, because

this is becoming more and more of an issue in

our industry….(What does this refer to? It is not

clear in the context.)

…because price increases are becoming more

and more of an issue in our industry. (Specific.

Clear.)

Avoid cliches, regionalisms, & slang• Cliches are overused expressions that show no

originality, creativity, or imagination.

• Using cliches shows laziness or sloppiness on the part of the writer.

• Regionalisms are expressions that are particular to a specific geographical location.

• While colorful, they are misunderstood by people from another area.

• Slang consists of expressions that are particular to age groups or time periods.

• Some cliches to avoid– The bottom line– A tough road ahead– It’s “no contest”– As good as gold– Needs no introduction– It speaks for itself– Nothing to sneeze at– At a loss for words– As easy as pie– Kill two birds with one stone– At the end of the day– Most unique

Replace negative with positive

• Try to write from a positive perspective

• Avoid having your reader become angry or defensive

• Avoid words like blame, delay, fault, careless, dissatisfied, inferior, complaint, error, mistake, defective, failure, negligence.

• Here are some phrases that can be avoided & some substitutions that sound better.

Your complaint concerning….becomes…..Your letter concerning

You claim that….becomes….In your letter you mentioned that….

Your failure to….becomes….Because we did not have your check before us, we were not able to….

Your criticism of…. becomes….Your comments regarding….

We are sorry that our error….becomes….We apologize for delivering your order to your business address instead of your home address

Use bias-free terms

• The workforce consists of men & women & our language must reflect this reality.

• We must also realize that the workforce consists of many different ethnic groups & people who’s beliefs about life will be different from our own.

• Gone are the days when only men were businessmen & salesmen

• Fireman becomes firefighter

• Mailman becomes mail carrier

• Insurance man becomes insurance agent

• Foreman becomes supervisor

• Stewardess is now flight attendant

• Policeman or policewoman is police officer

• Businessman should be businessperson, business worker

• Businessmen is businesspeople, business workers

• Salesman can be sales representative, salesperson, or salesclerk

Use synonyms

• Word variety contributes to successful writing.

• Colorless words and overused words are about as interesting as the tenth rerun or of a mediocre TV series.

• Overused words include good, awful, little, big, think, fix, fantastic, bad, fine, know, lovely, say come, go, great, super.

• Overused doesn’t mean wrong though; it just means tired & overused.

How exciting or interesting is this?

To introduce your new products, Ms. Robertson,

we plan to develop a good television-advertising

campaign. We will begin the campaign with great

commercials aired during prime time. Our fine

artists will develop fantastic graphics that will do

a really good job of attracting viewers’ attention.

How about…..

• Unique or extraordinary campaign

• Eye-catching, spellbinding, or viewer-oriented commercials

• Talented, creative, & experienced artists will develop startling computer-age graphics

• Will do an especially effective job

Check these out….

A bad forecast….becomes….an inaccurate or misleading forecast

A good show….becomes….a compelling performance or a dramatic re-enactment

A nice supervisor….becomes….a considerate, a well-respected, or a well-liked supervisor

An awful record….becomes….a deplorable or an inconsistent record

Clean offices….becomes…spotless offices.

Substitute a more precise adjective for the overworked “little” below.

1. A little town 6. a little portion

2. A little locomotive 7. a little wire

3. A little mind 8. a little build

4. A little kitten 9. a little computer

5. A little matter 10. a little issue

Change the negative statement to a positive one.

1. Do not forget the sales meeting at the end of the month.

2. Don’t fail to ship this order by airfrieght.

3. You forgot to provide a delivery date.

4. We cannot deliver your order because our plant is closed until July 15.

5. Do not lower the product’s quality.

6. Don’t anger customers by being late for an appointment

7. We cannot act on your request at this time.

8. We will not forget your special request.

9. We won’t know our prices until April 1.

10. Never forget a customer’s preferences.

Rewrite the following sentences to eliminate outdated or unpleasant

expressions1. Kindly favor us with a note if we can help.

2. We are in receipt of your order of May 5, and we thank you for same.

3. Your shipping department’s blunder caused us unbelievable trouble.

4. As per our recent discussion, attached hereto is our latest price list.

5. I have your letter under date of August 27.

6. Please be so kind as to find a photocopy of my canceled check.

7. We are forwarding the book you ordered under separate cover.

8. The order will arrive late due to the fact that the railroad is on strike.

9. This is to acknowledge the receipt of your reservation.

10. We are crediting your account as per your wishes.