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Unofficial Internet Dating Rules and Notes

The sociology of internet dating.

Most of the people will select one of the first 5-6 people they meetbecause they get overloaded after that number of people contacts them.Most, women more than men, get 30 to 200 responses and just get burnedout after the first dozen meetings. The first people one meets tend tostick out in that persons mind more because the others start blendingtogether in the density of increasing contacts, emails, phones calls andmeetings. If you don't meet soon you will be buried in the confusionthat follows as the increasing volume of email contacts builds up. Most ofrelationships on match turn out to be with one of the first 6 people

one meets according to the survey. If people are trying to meet quickly,they are probably trying to get in to your "emotional window" before itcloses.

Women tend to get 10 responses for every one response men get online.

Do not send more than 6 emails or talk on the phone more than 45minutes without meeting in person. The human mind will always create abigger-than-life image of who you think you are talking to and it will beimpossible for the other person to live up to that. You will set yourselfup for disappointment and your experience here will always beunproductive. The longer you wait, the more likely you are to be disappointed

because the vision and the real-world don't match.

Don't do internet dating unless you are prepared to meet people and youhave from 6-10PM Free every night, 30-90 minutes a day to read andrespond to emails and at least half your weekend free to meet a few people.I will not work for most people unless they make a commitment to theprocess, feel that getting a special person is the most importantpriority in their lives (Over work, money, material things, etc.)and reallytreat the effort like a job. Most people are completely surprised by howmuch work is involved in this kind of dating. Many people select one ofthe first few people they meet just to avoid the time-drain. But, whenyou meet the person that you want to be with, it makes it all worth it

ten times over.

Most dating systems forward from an anonymous email to your personalemail. Be sure and set your email system up so your emails pop up on yourwork desktop or on your home system to avoid coming home at night andfinding a plethora of responses and replies that you don't have time togive proper attention to. That is unfair to you and to the people thatare interested.

Don't ask a person if they like you on the date. It puts them on thespot and is too harsh to hear live and in person if they do not.

Don't attack people who ask you for a picture and do have a pictureready to go. Having a digital picture ready to go is considered to be the

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number one "rule" of the web. Don't go online to date unless youalready have one on your hard drive or you will just be creating a terriblyfrustrating experience for people you contact and most of them will beupset that you don't have a picture. The only difference in meetingpeople on the web or in person is that you have novisual context. Most people make their primary assessment based onappearance, even if they deny that they do, it is a natural human processto seek visual confirmation. On the same note, don't judge a book by itscover. Many "pretty" people who seek only "pretty" people often findshallowness and vanity and no substance for that very relationship theyseek...try a normal looking person, you will usually be surprised.

There are no weirdoes and no normal people on the internet. Therearen't people at all, Just words and text. You have to realize it is adigital environment and employ it as an initiation place and then follow-upin the real-world. The unique thing about open network communication isthat it has no established social order or boundaries so people are

naturally supported in their theatrical creation. The difficult aspect ofthis is that there is nobody to reference you as you microscopicallygrow bigger or into other tangents of a character without even noticingit. So; people tend to be more flexible with the facts or narrativebecause they feel like they are co-writing a novel with someone in real time.

Can girls and guys be "just Friends. (Harry met Sally) Yes, if neitheris physically attracted to the other. If one is and the other isn't itwill almost never work. In the case of one person being attracted butwanted to be friends, many of those people will either be in denial orembarrassed to acknowledge their attraction.

Realize that time doesn't exist on the internet. What is a timelyresponse or an appropriate development of social expectations will be tooslow or too fast to the other person. Most internet socializing tends tomove at "warp speed"...because it can.

Don't discuss emotional issues in email. They will almost always be isinterpreted. Hence the smiley faces: ;-) :-) etc. Never have afight or misunderstanding via email or you are done for. Context is notapparent in email."

Guys talk about sex 70% more than most women. It is genetic

memory-burned into their brains. Many guys, though, use sex as emotionalvalidation but they are incapable of admitting it, the rest are just horny.Society has programmed men to feel afraid to show sensitivity because itmight make them look weak or gay.If you talk about sex in email or on the phone, before you meet, andyou both seem to be equally interested in it, it will probably, then,never happen because you did that. By building it up in advance you createa psychological fantasy which your mind will always make bigger thanreality can possibly live up to. When you meet and find out that neitherof you are the "Fabio" or "Miss America" (..fill in name of whoeverfloats your boat) of your assumptive projections then your boat is sunk.

Most people find the picture issue necessary but disconcerting. Manypeople's friends tell them they are not photogenic and never look the

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same from shot to shot. Most people look better in person than in apicture unless a modeling studio shot them. You can't really tell what aperson looks like unless you have seen 5-6 different pictures in differentsettings.

Many "socially-beautiful" men & women are conditioned to only go outwith GQ/FratHouse looking people. These people have been taught that itis all about facial balance, symmetry and small featured proportion; themajority of the real world does not have that symmetry. FratHouse/Sorority people are singled out by a culture and guided to ...Frat Housesand Sororities for reinforcement from common-culture types.! If only wecould stop and look deeper than the shell..but those social imprintsand media conditionings represent strong mnemonic triggers.

Avoid the "Sherlock Holmes" technique. Many people feel that they haveto squeeze as much information out and draw conclusions about thatinformation in the first date. Don't make assumptions or second-guess

others. If somebody responds to one question you ask with a lengthy answerabout food, work, cars, etc; don't assume that they are obsessed withone or the other. They may just be a long-winded or detailed communicatoror they may just feel obligated to try to give you as much info aspossible about something you showed interest in. Try to adopt a flexibleattitude in assessing a persons process based on one initial meeting.

Cosmo advises that previous marriage should be an issue but the UScensus shows us that the Likelihood of new marriages ending in divorce is50%. If your potential date has not been married, facts now show thatthey may have been smarter and more dedicated to a permanent relationshippotential by waiting until after their 30's. Others have just not met

the right person and hold the ideal partner dream firm. Some have askedpeople to marry them but the other person said no. So, not beingmarried after 30 does not mean, today, what it might have meant in yourparents times."

From somebody I got this:

"I don't have the answers. This might be funny for you, or it might not. I foundthis card at a Hallmark display:

Bad Date #132:

He likes you. You don't like him. He says he'll call and does.

Bad Date #133:You like him. He doesn't like you. He says he'll call and doesn't.

Bad Date #134:You like him. He likes Jim. He dresses better than you.

Bad Date #135:He wears too much aftershave. He flirts more with the waitress than with you. But that's agood thing.

Bad Date #136:He talks all night about his ex. Then he cries.

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Bad Date #137:You like him a lot. He likes you a lot. Then he changes his mind.

I've been on all of those, and then some. My friend pointed out that the existence of that cardmeans that it happens to loads of us. Somehow that thought should make us feel better,right?"

Hopefully the above will be interesting feedback/reflections for yourtravels in dating.