Jennifer Garvey Berger

UNLOCKINGLEADERSHIPMINDTRAPS

AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE SHORT CHAPTERSPortia Nelson

II wa lk down the st reet .

There i s a deep hole in the s idewalk .I fa l l in .

I am lost . . . I am help less .I t i sn ' t my fau l t .

I t takes forever to f ind a way out .

I II wa lk down the same st reet .

There i s a deep hole in the s idewalk .I pretend I don ' t see i t .

I fa l l in aga in .I can ' t be l ieve I am in the same p lace.

But , i t i sn ' t my fau l t .I t st i l l takes a long t ime to get out .

I I II wa lk down the same st reet .

There i s a deep hole in the s idewalk .I see i t i s there.

I st i l l fa l l in . I t ' s a hab i t .My eyes are open.I know where I am.

I t i s my fau l t . I get out immediate ly.

IVI wa lk down the same st reet .

There i s a deep hole in the s idewalk .I walk around i t .

VI wa lk down another st reet .

WE BELIEVE WE ARE RIGHT

We confuse feeling right with being right We lose curiosity and openness to data We treat people differently

TRAPPED BY RIGHTNESS

What do I believe and how can I be wrong?

Listen to learn rather than win or fix

ESCAPING OUR RIGHTNESS

WE TELL SIMPLE STORIES

Our stories have a beginning, middle, and end

We project forward from the past into the future and fill in missing pieces

We create simple characters (including ourselves)

TRAPPED BY SIMPLE STORIES

How is the other person a hero?

Carry three different stories

ESCAPING OUR SIMPLE STORIES

WE ENJOY IT WHEN WE AGREE

We see agreeability as a virtue because disagreeing pains us

The stronger the culture of tribe, the harder it can seem to disagree

When we can’t agree, we polarize

TRAPPED BY AGREEMENT

Could this conflict serve to deepen a relationship?

Disagree to expand ideas

ESCAPING OUR AGREEMENT

WE LIKE TO BE IN CONTROL

We substitute what can be measured for what matters

We believe we have more control than we do (or anyone does)

We constrain out set of possibilities to those things we can control, leaving little room to dream

TRAPPED BY CONTROL

What can I help enable? What could enable me?

Experiment at the edges

ESCAPING OUR DRIVE TO CONTROL

WE PROTECT OUR IDENTITIES

We believe that we have changed in the past but won’t change in the future

We protect and defend our identity

Our own development is hidden because we don’t have a map

TRAPPED BY EGO

Who would I like to be next?

Carry a map and begin to hone your developmental GPS

ESCAPING OUR EGO

BUILDING A LADDER

Connect to purposeConnect to our bodiesConnect to our emotions

Connect to compassion for ourselves and others

HOMEWORK

Pick a mindtrap you’d like to work with and practice with either the question or the habit (or both—or a new escape route you’ve been thinking of)Jot notes to yourself at least once a week about what you’re learningCome to our next session prepared to talk and think together about what is working and how to make it stick

Next webinar in this series: Telling Stories of our Escape (21 May)

www.CultivatingLeadership.comwww. GrowthEdgeCoaching.com (workshops for coaches)

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