Unlocking Braden’s Potential · • Braden was extremely distressed • Eye was reattached, but...
Transcript of Unlocking Braden’s Potential · • Braden was extremely distressed • Eye was reattached, but...
Quonset Point Capital L.P.
Unlocking Braden’s Potential
October 10, 2017
© Zoe Piel 2017
Quonset Point Capital 2© Zoe Piel 2017
• Quonset Point Capital L.P. (“QPC”) specializes in improving underperforming children
• QPC has over $2.5 billion in AUM• QPC seeks to maximize shareholder value
through strategic engagement with parents• QPC is sympathetic to parents, but prepared to
nominate replacements when necessary
Who We Are
3© Zoe Piel 2017
Quonset Point Capital
• 3 years old• Loves trucks• Favorite color: Red
Braden R.
Quonset Point Capital 4© Zoe Piel 2017
Disappointing linear growth trend
Braden’s underwhelming performance
*projected
0
1
2
3
4
5
2014 2015 2016 2017 2018 2019
Braden's Age
Quonset Point Capital 5© Zoe Piel 2017
Perceives Mom & Dad as taller than house
Braden’s underwhelming performance
Quonset Point Capital 6© Zoe Piel 2017
Won’tfinishhiscorn
Braden’s underwhelming performance
64% left on plate
23% fell on floor
13% eaten
Quonset Point Capital 7© Zoe Piel 2017
• Both incumbent• Not maximizing Braden’s potential• Parentaldeficienciesresultingin
destruction of of shareholder value
Parents are entrenched
Quonset Point Capital 8© Zoe Piel 2017
• “Here comes the airplane”• But in fact, no airplane• Spoon• Braden and shareholders
deserve candor
A history of managerial lapses
???
Quonset Point Capital 9© Zoe Piel 2017
• Dog-Dog went in the laundry• Dog-Dog went in the dryer• No risk assessment was
undertaken• Dog-Dog’seyecameoff• Braden was extremely distressed• Eye was reattached, but the crisis
was handled poorly
A history of managerial lapses
Quonset Point Capital 10© Zoe Piel 2017
• GrandmaconfirmsthatBraden’smomisn’t listening to parenting advice
• She could just take some constructive criticism from her own mother who carried her and raised her without asking anything in return
• For 18 years
QPC consulted experts in the market sector
Quonset Point Capital 11© Zoe Piel 2017
• QPC waged a successful proxyfightforcontrolofOliver G.
• At that time, Oliver was receiving frowny-face stickers on Pre-K classroom chart
QPC’s history of success
Quonset Point Capital 12© Zoe Piel 2017
• Oliver is building extensive Lego fortresses• 1st grade chart stickers are fruit-themed, optimistic
QPC’s history of successAfter 18 months
Quonset Point Capital 13© Zoe Piel 2017
QPC’s plan for Braden
• We believe that with the right leadership, Braden could make huge strides
• QPC’s plan will unlock shareholder value• Your vote is critical
Quonset Point Capital 14© Zoe Piel 2017
Ourqualifiednominees
Keith Webster, Jr. Brenda Beppo Leonard Zavitz Mark W. DealyHarvard JD/MBA, grandfather of 16 beautiful (and profitable) children
Not mad, just disappointedSuccessfully averted major tantrums in multiple ShopRites
Spearheded sharp reduction of daughter’s Breyer horse collection
Quonset Point Capital 15© Zoe Piel 2017
Consolidate birthday party expenses
QPC’s plan for Braden
cake and ice cream ice cream cake
Quonset Point Capital 16© Zoe Piel 2017
Improvebedtimeefficiency• Showers instead of baths• Reduce stories from 4 to 2• LED night light
QPC’s plan for Braden
Quonset Point Capital 17© Zoe Piel 2017
Expand carefully into new markets:
QPC’s plan for Braden
• Trip to petting zoo• Visit Aunt Meg in New Jersey• Gradually increase vegetables
Quonset Point Capital 18© Zoe Piel 2017
• Vote for change• Vote the GOLD proxy card• A better direction for Braden• A better return for shareholders
Conclusion
Quonset Point Capital 19© Zoe Piel 2017
This is satire.Forward all complaints to Zoe Piel.
@zoepiel www.zoepiel.com
Disclaimer