University of Colorado AMI November 3, 2009 · Negotiating at an Uneven Table Developing Moral...

November 3, 2009University of Colorado AMI

5/1/2014 AMI 2

Negotiating at an Uneven TableDeveloping Moral Courage in Resolving Our Conflicts

Philip Piket Professor Emeritus Sociology

LouAnn Piket School Psychology Administrator

Melinda Piket-May Associate Professor Engineering

Book by Phyllis Beck Kritek

Jossey-Bass, 2002

Exciting New Paradigm in Negotiations

As I began to read the book I realized how extensive

my experience at an uneven table has been--

sometimes successful and sometimes very

frustrating.

• Women engineering student in England

• “Look, women can do engineering too”

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Definition

Uneven tables are:

“Places where assurance of justice or

fairness is unlikely/uncertain or both.”

(Kritek)

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Changing our Lenses

Familiar gets in the way of unfamiliar

We see things as we are

Not as they are

Five Challenges

1. Are uneven tables familiar? If so, how and

when do we recognize them?

2. Are we able to apply new approaches to

participating at an uneven table?

3. Is it possible to “even up” the table?

4. Is it hard to admit the reality that at times

participating in a discussion/negotiation

session assures nothing at all?

5. Can we start a dialogue to widen the windows

on human possibilities”? (Kritek)5/1/2014 AMI 7

The roots of our distortion

Distortions of Privilege: The elite have the

right answer, know the best things, ways.

Other views often disallowed, silenced,

dismissed or ignored.

The roots of our distortion

Distortions of Silence: Not seeing and

acknowledging the insights, knowledge,

skills and experience of others.

Example: The long struggle of feminism to

gain recognition of women’s knowledge,

insights, and unique experiences.

What you hope to find even is

actually uneven

Add fresh people who have never

been to the table and expect them

to successfully negotiate.

They feel unsophisticated

They are silent

– majority has got them


actually uneven

New participant is expected to adapt

rather than change the traditional

process. If not, the new player is a

problem.


actually uneven

Tradition often resists change or

viewpoints or processes that are

obvious and needed.

Recognizing an Uneven table

Examples:

How did we process the right of women to

vote and run for office?

How are we processing the place and rights

of gay and lesbian members of our society?

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Traditional approaches

to an uneven table

Today’s challenge is the need for a new paradigm.

There are two essential elements in solving a

problem, portions of which are often overlooked or

skipped in a traditional approach:

Name and describe the problem.

Identify solutions and select the best among them

for implementation.

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to an uneven table

What goes on at traditional negotiating tables that

interferes and/or blocks an even table setting:

Agendas of deceit and injustice

Calling a meeting to “discuss” options for solving a

problem when the decisions have already been made

The recommendation of some negotiation experts that

manipulation is the “tool of choice”

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to an uneven table

What goes on at traditional negotiating tables that

interferes and/or blocks an even table setting:

Use of the tools of manipulation include:

Praise and flattery;

Lying and deception;

Helpfulness;

This manipulation starts with a directive that leads

responsibility to be solely with the person being helped.

“Oh you will be so good at this…how can I help you?”

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Imagining new approaches to an

uneven table

From Either/Or to Both/And

What if in addition to seeing the forest we were

fascinated as much by the interconnected trees,

plants, and animals in the complex ecosystem.

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Traditional Way of Being

Patriarchal in nature

A man optimally functions as a kindly

but firm father who will control others

Hierarchical ,

prescribed levels of power and control over others

Dominant power and control

as a central source of meaning

A goal worthy to be sought , once attained, retained

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Materialistic

Deny ignore discount dimensions of reality

which cannot be

visibly seen measured or controlled

Rational and analytical

Want to win at any cost

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Prefer science knowledge to any other way

Discount and trivialize all other ways of knowing

Science solves problems

Tool of competition between theories

(either/or) identifies the answer

Even when the results are troublesome or inadequate

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A model of paradigm shifts

for the millennium

Paradigm shifts happen when traditional thinking

doesn’t work any more

Traditionally people worry about solving the

problem

The real issue is identifying the problem

Alcohol is a symptom, not the problem

Technology has allowed the world to “shrink”,

we are all in this world together and can’t all be

right

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A model of paradigm shifts

for the millennium

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The shifts to new ways of being

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Constructive ways of being at an

uneven table

Kritek describes many “constructive ways of

being” for successful negotiation at an uneven

table. Her list partially includes

Honor your integrity, even at great cost

Be a truth teller

Find a place for compassion at the table

innovate

Know what you do and do not know

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A Way of Being: Find and inhabit the deepest and

surest human space that your capabilities permit

When you start thinking about deeper and surer

things, you might be surprised at how many things

actually do mean a great deal more to you than

controlling someone or something.

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Dominance Power = Power as Control

Power is a complex phenomenon. James Hillman in his

book Kinds of Power (1995) identifies 20 kinds of power.

Yet, control or Dominance Power remains the focus of our

society and the focus of uneven tables.

Dominance power does not lend itself to change.

DOMINANCE POWER

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Find and inhabit the deepest and surest

human space that your capabilities permit

The uneven table may be set so we can not exercise

dominant power

This gives us a chance to observe someone who has

habituated dominant power to sustain her or his

habit

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Tables (meetings) where the struggle for power

dominate the entire process

Fatigue and boredom for most

Lifeless process, predictable and without any

significant creative potential

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Avoid if possible those tables where you

experience nothing more than the tediousness of

power negotiations

Pick tables where the issues are more interesting,

more creative – they create new realities that

make more sense than previous endeavors and

are more rewarding

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Facticity vs wisdom

Facticity great for trivial pursuit but not as helpful

with profound human dilemma's

We need reflection time in our life, once we

practice reflection we begin to be useful

participants in the effort to find deeper and surer

ways of attending to conflict

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Powerless at an uneven table

You have little to lose

This gives you great deal of freedom to move the

discussion into a deeper place

Underrated dimension of being at the uneven

table

Sometimes even funny

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Staying with the deeper meaning can take a lot of

energy sometimes

Cheapen or trivialize your points

Justice, compassion, and honesty are niceties

Have no place in a hardball world

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Going deeper: Nice in theory

It is seen as moving mountains…but there is a lot

of dominance power in the foothills

Resistance to moving to deeper places can be an

obsession for some

This can be harmful

You may want to leave the table

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Increasing self awareness

Comfortable with self honesty and self

confrontation, but without having to be perfect

Disturbing to people hoping you will collapse with

criticism – it may increase their attacks

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Lessons of humility

Introducing deeper issues can evoke discrediting

behavior …. deal with injury and pride … may

have to back out of some situations

Wiser to face your limits than indulge in self

deception that wreaks further havoc

Some tables will never be safe until you are more

secure

Are you sparring over power or an issue?

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Being in your place

Find deeper places for your self

What is best for students

What meets the university mission

What fulfills our philosophy of teaching

Sense of a community

Community- student- staff- faculty- administrator

Knowledge to community in a useful and

meaningful fashion

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If it is dear to me

I want it to be dear to you

Everyone has unique stories which are

deep

But don’t want to be proselytizing

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Know when to leave the table

Participants initially accept the invitation but

quickly reject it when they realize old habits will

need to be released.

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Participants tell you that your

comments/perceptions (your “truth”) are not

germane to the subject and need not be discussed

suggesting that negotiations are not authentic.

Selected truths are thus denied.

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Others ask you to “sell your soul” or no longer

honor your integrity. What it means and how

often it is stated may suggest a table whose goals

you cannot embrace.

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Think of places you negotiate

Write down hopes or convictions you embrace which take

you beyond controlling the negotiation

See how broad in scope it is

How deep it takes you into the best of your character

Compelling quality for all humans

Write down all the reasons why you could not introduce

these surer and deeper issues into negotiations

Be honest and rigorous here

There are risks: name them

Now try just one .. See where it takes you and the

conversation (it helps if you start in a safe place)

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Imagining the future

What do you Imagine?

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University of Colorado AMI November 3, 2009 · Negotiating at an Uneven Table Developing Moral...

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