Unity through Relationship
Transcript of Unity through Relationship
Unity through RelationshipDublin, Ireland November 14, 2017
RECLAIMING
Youth at RiskReclaimingYouthAtRisk.org
The Resilience Compass
Larry K. Brendtro, PhD
Unity through RelationshipThe Resilience Compass
Larry K. Brendtro, PhD
Digital copies of this presentation are
available to download for 30 days at:
ReclaimingYouthAtRisk.org/handouts
© 2017 The Resilience Academy
This on-line journal
is available free from
GrowingEdgeTraining.com
July 2018
Children’s growth needs are universal across all cultures.
Martin Brokenleg
Circle of Courage Values
Belonging
Mastery
Independence
Generosity
AltruismAutonomy
Achievement Attachment
Biosocial Needs
Julien Li & Megan Julian
University of Pittsburgh
Developmental
Relationships
The Active Ingredientin all successful outcomes in
family, school, community, or
treatment environments.
Active Ingredient: Flouride
1. A strong, caring bond
2. Increasingly complex tasks
3. Shift power to the learner
4. A relationship of reciprocity
Meeting developmental
needs is essential for
optimal growth.
Urie Bronfenbrenner1979
Attachment
Achievement
Autonomy
Altruism
Hierarchy of Human NeedsMaslow, 1943
Belongingness EsteemSelf-
ActualizationSelf-
Transcendence
Biosocial
Growth NeedsAttachment Achievement Autonomy Altruism
Foundations of Self Worth Coopersmith, 1967
Significance Competence Power Virtue
Circle of CourageCultural ValuesBrokenleg, 1990
Belonging Mastery Independence Generosity
Resilience ResearchBenard, 2004
Social Competence
Problem Solving Autonomy Purpose
Resilient BrainModulesMasten, 2014
AttachmentMastery
MotivationSelf-Efficacy
Spirituality & Purpose
Anchor ProjectResilience WheelMay, 2017
Belonging Achieving Empowerment Purpose
Developmental RelationshipsBronfenbrenner, 1979
Emotional Attachment
Increasingly Complex Tasks
Shift Power toThe Learner
Reciprocity of Relationships
Biosocial Drives
are linked to
Survival Drives
Avoidance prevent pain
HANDBOOK OF
APPROACH AND
AVOIDANCE MOTIVATION
Approach seek pleasure
Cultures of Dominance
PunishReward
Cultures of Respect
Safety Adventure
Attachment
Achievement
Autonomy
Altruism
Social Brain
Belonging
Mastery
Power
Generosity
Brain-Based Drives Developmental Needs
Avoidance
Approach
Safety
Adventure
Survival Brain
Adventure
Safety
GenerosityPower
BelongingMastery
Safety Belonging
Mastery
Power
Generosity
The Resilience Compass
Connecting with Courage New Zealand
Re-sil-i-encefrom Latin resilire, “to leap back.”
Resilience means bouncing back from difficult life experiences.
Resilience
T F Resilient children have rare traits of invulnerability.
Risk and Resilience are Human Universals
The world breaks everyone and, afterward,
many are strong at the broken places.
Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms
Kauai Resilience Study
With positive connections,
a majority of persons will be
able to surmount almost
any risk condition.
Emmy Werner
Roots of Resiliency
Children who showed
resilience were loved
regardless of behavior,
intelligence, or physical
attractiveness.
Children who often got
positive responses from
others were stress-resistant.
Children who often got
negative responses from
others were vulnerable.
Ordinary Magic
Resilience is not Rare
but the ordinary magic
of the adaptive minds,
brains, and bodies of
children in families,
relationships, and
communities.
Ann MastenUniversity of Minnesota
Designer Genes:
Our amazing
resilience program
Expected Exper i enceNormal Deve l o pmen t
Adverse Exper i ence
Disrupted Deve l o pmen t
Bra i n Plas t i c i ty
Res i l i e n t Devel opmen t
NORMAL GENE EXPRESSION
The brain is primed for development
with programs that use expected
experiences to build neural pathways
necessary for maturation and growth.
In an average predictable environment,
children naturally acquire language and
motor behavior and develop belonging,
mastery, power, and generosity.
DISRUPTED GENE EXPRESSION
Excess stress,
neglect, trauma,
chemicals, drugs,
toxic ecology,
prenatal factors
health,
behavior,
emotions,
cognition.
impair
RESILIENT GENE EXPRESSION
Belonging ~ bond to adults and peers
Mastery ~ learn problem-solving skills
Power ~ control of one’s destiny Generosity ~ empathy and caring
Glance at Problems, Gaze at Strengths
JC Chambers
Working on strengths enhances personal growth
more than seeking to correct one’s deficiencies.
(Meyers et al., 2015)
Developing Strengths Versus Fixing Flaws
Illustration by Scott Menchin
Five Decades of ResearchResilience rests fundamentally on relationships. Suniya Luthar
Focus on Needs
Abraham Maslow
Maladjustment:Most emotional and
behavioral problems
come from unmet
developmental needs.
Prevention:Children thrive
when essential
developmental
needs are met.
Healing:Positive growth
comes as we
nurture unmet
growth needs.
Symptoms of mental
trouble mean come from
disturbed social rapport.
Ian Suttie
Most “mental symptoms …
are incontestably laid
down by the child’s
experience and not by any
infection or other cause
particularly affecting the
health of his brain.“
Ian Suttie
(Suttie, 1935, p. 177)
Learning Lag versus Brain Disease
Emmy
Werner
Safety Belonging
Mastery
Power
Generosity
Developmental Needs
Connecting with Courage New Zealand
SAFETY
AMYGDALA
The amygdala spots unexpected events that might pose danger or opportunity.
Threatened and helpless
- Bessel van der Kolk
Fear, terror, helplessness
- Bruce Perry
Trauma Reactions
Adverse Childhood Experiences
Household Stress1. Divorce or separation
2. Substance abuse
3. Domestic violence
4. Criminal behavior
5. Mental illness
Abuse and Neglect6. Psychological abuse
7. Physical Abuse
8. Sexual Abuse
9. Physical Neglect
10.Emotional Neglect
Kaiser Permanente and
Center for Disease Control
Felt safety which has to be determined
by each individual, includes emotional,
physical, and relational security.
Karyn Purvis
A Maori nursing student in
New Zealand was listening
to lectures on clinical,
ethical, and legal safety.
Although shy, she rose to
her feet and asked: “What
about cultural safety?”
Building Rapid Trust
The brain makes instant decisions about who to trust—even with those we have just met. This is the “preamble to a social bond.”
Steven Porges
Touch and Safety
Touch, the most
elementary tool we
have to calm down,
is proscribed from
most therapeutic
practices.
Bessel van der Kolk
Being able to feel safe with
other people is probably the
single most important aspect
of mental health;
safe connections are
fundamental to meaningful
and satisfying lives.
Bessel van der Kolk
BELONGING
Every child needs at
least one adult who is
irrationally crazy about
him or her.
Urie Bronfenbrenner
OXYTOCIN tames aggression
and fear. Females have more
oxytocin for use in nurturing.
VASOPRESSIN can enhance
aggression. Males have more
vasopressin for protecting.
Humans have two chemicals for bonding
Trust and
Bonding
Oxytocin
Moments
EROS
AGAPEPHILIA
Our Culture Fears Closeness
IAN D. SUTTIE
FOREWORD BY JOHN BOWLBY
“Looked-after Children”Rethinking Residential Child Care, Mark Smith
“The Taboo on Tenderness”Origins of Love and Hate, Ian Suttie
Bids to Connect
EXCLUSION
triggers
SHAME
BELONGING
triggers
PRIDE
Can I trust you? Do you like me?
MASTERY
All children have an inborn drive to
learn and master.
The brain grows
when challenged.
Mastering difficulty
builds intelligence.
Carol Dweck (2006)
Egoistic Motivation
Looking Good Task Motivation
Learning Lots
Growth or Fixed Mindsets
Carol Dweck
I can make myself smart..
I just wasn’t born smart.
Creativity
The mind of the child is
like a volcano with two
spouts – destructiveness
and creativeness.
Sylvia Ashton Warner1908-1984
Schools That Matter shift the focus from test data
to whether the needs of students are being met.
Steve Van Bockern
EMPOWERMENT
Self-regulation involves the ability to “postpone the obtaining
of pleasure, to put up with a little unpleasure, and to abandon
certain sources of pleasure altogether.”
Sigmund Freud, 1920 Photo, Mischel’s Marshmallow study.
Self-Efficacy
The belief in one’s
power to cope with
challenges.
(Albert Bandura, 1997)
Persistence and Gritwere assets that enabled
youth with serious behavior
problems in childhood to
have resilient outcomes.
Emmy Werner & Ruth SmithKauai’s Children Come of Age
If we take a million years ago as the beginning of human history,
then for 99% of that history, we were all hunter gatherers.
Peter Gray
In all primates but humans,
a few dominate the many.
But egalitarianism has
insured human survival.
No longer nomadic, people could accumulate possessions.
Traditions for sharing of resources were disrupted by greed.
Alpha males with wealth and weapons grabbed power.
Slavery, abuse, and conquest became commonplace.
Agriculture Spawned Hierarchical Cultures
Egocentrism. Persons in power feel they deserve
their privileged status over “inferior” others.
Disrespect. Power makes persons less polite and
more rude to those less powerful.
Impulsivity. Power is a dopamine high that pumps
pleasure seeking behavior.
Empathy deficits. Power activates brainstem
dominance programs that stifle empathy.
Dacher Keltner
Power tends to corrupt,
and absolute power corrupts absolutely.
Lord Acton
Overcoming Abuses of Power
Meet the needs of others
Practice generosity
Empower others
Show respect
Dacher Keltner
GENEROSITY
Survival of the Fittest Most Generous
Our common human history shaped the evolution of our
social brains and cultural values.
Altruism and
Empathy are
Evolved, Inborn
Universal Needs
(Warneken & Tomasello, 2006)
Generosity
Children are born with a
generous disposition.
The need to give is just
as vital as the need to
receive. If a child senses
that his or her gifts are
being rejected, the child
feels bad and unlovable.
Ian Suttie 1935
Although generosity is the centerpiece of all faith traditions and indigenous cultures, Western psychology presumed humans were by nature selfish.
Behaviorism described generous acts as seeking reinforcement.
Psychoanalysis proposed that generosity was motivated by guilt.
Humanistic psychology enshrined self-actualization at the peak. Michael Wallach & Lisa Wallach
Kids in crisis ponder
spiritual questions. Scott Larson
Only 20 percent of
modern teens have
a sense of purpose
in their lives.
Research on compassion in small children.
True or False?
Helping, sharing,
and consoling in
third grade …
Predicts achieving
in eighth grade
(Caprara, Barbaranelli,
Pastorelli, Bandura, & Zimbardo,
2000)
Being Mean
is Not in Genes
Both identical twins
and fraternal twins
are similar in showing
compassion or
disregard to a person
showing distress.
(Rhee et al., 2013)
Helping gives
proof of one’s
worth – being of
value to others.
ADVENTURE
The Quest for Adventure
fulfills needs of youth for
companionship and pleasure.
Jane Addams, 1909
It was the best of times,
it was the worst of times;
it was the age of wisdom,
it was the age of foolishness.
Charles Dickens, 1859
Foolishness
The emotional brain of
teens surges in seeking
pleasure and peer
relationships.
Wisdom
The executive brain’s
capacity for self-control
and thinking ahead will
mature years later.
PLAY is a Primary EmotionJaak Panksepp
Children should experience joy each day. Anton Makarenko
They also should help their parents experience joy.
Adults Shape Youth Cultures
1. Team cohesion
2. Team involvement
3. Belief in program
4. Optimism about youthTeamwork
GenerosityPower
Mastery Belonging
Adventure
Safety
Adults also
share these
same needs.
The Road to
Resilience
1. Safety—Ensure protection
from emotional, physical, and
cultural harm.
2. Belonging—All members of
the community are valued and
develop positive relationships.
3. Mastery—Every person
possesses strengths and
talents to be nurtured.
4. Power—Exercise self
control and respect for the
dignity of others.
5. Generosity—Showing
empathy and concern for
others gives purpose to life.
6. Adventure—The courage
to overcome fear enables
people to grow and flourish.
Unity through RelationshipThe Resilience Compass
Larry K. Brendtro, PhD
Digital copies of this presentation are
available to download for 30 days at:
ReclaimingYouthAtRisk.org/handouts
© 2017 The Resilience Academy