Understanding Love and Romance

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Ngee Ann Ngee Ann Polytechnic Polytechnic UNDERSTANDING UNDERSTANDING LOVE RELATIONSHIPS LOVE RELATIONSHIPS : : LOVE & LOVE & INTIMACY INTIMACY Undestanding Undestanding Love and Love and Romance Romance

Transcript of Understanding Love and Romance

Page 1: Understanding Love and Romance

Ngee Ann Ngee Ann PolytechnicPolytechnic

UNDERSTANDING UNDERSTANDING LOVE RELATIONSHIPSLOVE RELATIONSHIPS: : LOVE & LOVE & INTIMACYINTIMACY

UndestandinUndestanding Love and g Love and RomanceRomance

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Function of Function of DatingDatingDating is a process where people meet socially

for the purpose of forming a relationship.

Six functions Recreation Companionship Emotional Intimacy Mate Selection Socialization Status Achievement

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1. Proximity. The closer two people

live or work and the more they interact

with each other and become familiar,

the more likely they are to become

friends or lovers.

Factors that determine the Factors that determine the formation of relationships formation of relationships

Understanding Love and Understanding Love and RomanceRomance

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2. Physical attractiveness. People of similar attractiveness tend to pair

off. This applies particularly to love relationships.

Factors that determine the Factors that determine the formation of relationships formation of relationships

Understanding Love and Understanding Love and RomanceRomance

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cross-cultural dating seems to be increasingly acceptable.

Understanding Love and Understanding Love and RomanceRomanceFactors that determine the Factors that determine the formation of relationships formation of relationships 3. Race & ethnicity:

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4. Religion: similar

religious beliefs

and values.

Understanding Love and Understanding Love and RomanceRomanceFactors that determine the Factors that determine the formation of relationships formation of relationships

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5. Same social class: same social class as theirs or women prefer to “marry up” and men “marry down”.

Understanding Love and Understanding Love and RomanceRomanceFactors that determine the Factors that determine the formation of relationships formation of relationships

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6. Age: within their age range – with the man generally being two

to five years older than the woman.

Understanding Love and Understanding Love and RomanceRomanceFactors that determine the Factors that determine the formation of relationships formation of relationships

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Concept of Concept of courtshipcourtship

The Open Courtship: Relationship Marketplacecouples have the freedom in their choice of life partners.choose their future partners based on personal

characteristics and financial resources.people have a “market value” based on their assets and

liabilities.

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The Open Courtship: Relationship Marketplace•Traditional partnership

Men: superior position - financial security & statusWomen: nurturer – domestic, child rearing,

attractiveness.•Equal partnership

both partners playing similar roles: educational, social status and earning power.

balance in emotional support and a mutual willingness to share child-care and household chores.

Understanding Love and Understanding Love and RomanceRomance Concept of Concept of

courtshipcourtship

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Balance their busy lives with jobs and personal life.

Increasingly, options like meeting online and introduction services in addition to the traditional personal introduction are becoming more popular, especially with the professionals.

Variances in Variances in Dating Dating

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The three methods of meeting people include: Personal introductions, meeting online and introduction services

Variances in Variances in Dating Dating

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Triangular Theory of LoveTriangular Theory of Love

Passion: Passion: physical arousal and desire, sexual longing and any strong emotional need.

Commitment:Commitment: decisions to devote oneself to a relationship and to work

to maintain it.

Intimacy:Intimacy: warmth, understanding, communication, support and sharing

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Where are you now?Where are you now? Understanding Love and Understanding Love and RomanceRomance

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• Discussion Question: Does love last? Why doesn’t romantic love last for most people?

 

Understanding Love and RomanceUnderstanding Love and Romance

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Nanyang Polytechnic

Nature of Romantic Love and Nature of Romantic Love and Companionate LoveCompanionate Love

Understanding Love and Understanding Love and RomanceRomance

Romantic Love/Passionate Romantic Love/Passionate LoveLove

Frantic type of attraction.Sweeps people off their feet.

Sense of instability and passion. Emotional highs and lows.

Sexual attraction: important ingredient

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Understanding Love and Understanding Love and RomanceRomanceNature of Romantic Love and Nature of Romantic Love and

Companionate LoveCompanionate LoveCompanionate LoveCompanionate Love

romantic love will gradually fade in intensity and companionate love will start to develop.

calmer, more stable kind of love

building greater emotional closeness, love and commitment to the partner.

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Understanding Love and RomanceUnderstanding Love and RomanceNature of Romantic Love and Nature of Romantic Love and

Companionate LoveCompanionate LoveCompanionate LoveCompanionate Love

can be present during the romantic stage

partners notice each other’s imperfections.

may experience boredom and disappointment.

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Companionate LoveCouples build a more

realistic picture of the relationship by cultivating a companionship that is very much necessary for long lasting love.

Understanding Love and RomanceUnderstanding Love and RomanceNature of Romantic Love and Nature of Romantic Love and

Companionate LoveCompanionate Love

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Infatuation vs LoveIt’s infatuation when there

is:• Compulsion to be with

the person• A feeling of lack of trust• Extreme of emotions• Willingness to take abuse

or behave in destructive ways

Understanding Love and RomanceUnderstanding Love and Romance

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Checklist when I Fall in LoveChecklist when I Fall in LoveKnow that it is a common human experience.Maintain your normal routines and friends.Do not become exclusive with the person.Your exciting feelings and passion will subside

with time.Falling out of love is normal too!Talk with closer friends/mentorLoss of intense attachment will passEngage with your favourite activities.Tell yourself that deeper love is worth waiting for.

Understanding Love and RomanceUnderstanding Love and Romance

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Tell the person you are breaking up with in person.Find a safe & private placeChoose a time when you will not be interrupted. Expect resistance.Avoid blaming yourself or the personGive yourself time to grieveSeek a trusted mentor or counsellor to talk about it, if

necessary.

Tips For Tips For Healthy Break-UpsHealthy Break-Ups Understanding Love and Understanding Love and RomanceRomance

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Distinguish b/w immature Distinguish b/w immature and mature loveand mature love

Immature Lovea crush, characterised by

thinking, feeling and behaving in very passionate ways

preoccupied with each other, passionately aroused, extreme of emotions,

paint a very rosy and unrealistic image & expectations of the other person.

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Distinguish b/w immature Distinguish b/w immature and mature loveand mature love

Immature Love feel they can’t survive

without the personattracted to their

partners’ physical appearance

think that jealousy is the same as love

feelings of unworthiness if breakup

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Mature Loverealistic views about their partners, shows the person love and respectrelationship has grown from friendship to love. attracted to their partners’ qualities of being kind, loyal and caring.

Understanding Love and Understanding Love and RomanceRomanceDistinguish b/w immature Distinguish b/w immature

and mature loveand mature love

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Mature Lovehave asked important questions about their partnerhave more self esteem, liking themselves more. able to work out conflicts and disappointments.enjoy the company of their partner and they feel at ease with the person and vice versa.

Understanding Love and Understanding Love and RomanceRomanceDistinguish b/w immature Distinguish b/w immature

and mature loveand mature love