Understanding and Assessing Self Esteem
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Transcript of Understanding and Assessing Self Esteem
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BUILDING SELF ESTEEM WITH YOUR CHILDREN
HAVE HAVEN August 7 , 2012 Foster Parent Training Donna Young, MS, Foster Parent Specialist
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HAVE HAVEN
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TRAINING OBJECTIVES Examine the nature of self esteem and
where it comes from Recognize the symptoms of high and low
self esteem Examine our own self esteem and how that
may impact on our children Identify a strategy for day to day parenting
that builds our own and our child's self esteem
Examine practical everyday ways of ensuring we build self esteem
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WHAT DO WE WANT FOR OUR CHILDREN?
I want the best for my children I want them to be responsible, happy
and caring I want them to take their place in the
World I want them to have successful
relationships I want them to be productive in whatever
they do and gain satisfaction from it
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DEFINITION OF SELF ESTEEM
"Self Esteem is realistic self awareness and a belief that we are basically OK”
“A quiet feeling of self worth”
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CORE SELF ESTEEM
CoreSelf Esteem
Self Confidence Self Trust
Self Approval
Self Image
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OUR CORE SELF ESTEEM
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SYMPTOMS OF LOW SELF ESTEEM
Symptoms
= Anxiety
Wish they were someone else
Rarely volunteer
Boast
Panic when faced with a new task
Feel inferior or unworthy
Over dependence onauthority figures
May bully
Lack energy
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ATTITUDE – THE FOUNDATION
Value them Spend time with them Respect them Trust them Commit to them Be their role model Be on their side
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KEY QUESTIONS (1)
Have I helped them feel good, or at least not bad, about themselves today?
Have I shown that I have understood their feelings and/or their point of view on anything today?
Have I shown any interest in, or asked about, anything they have done today?
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KEY QUESTIONS (2)
Have I listened to them with my whole hearted attention at least once?
Will they think I am on their side?
Try to aim for at least one "yes" every day.
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PRAISE
Specific
Deed not Doer
Praise
Timing Areas to Improve
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ADVANTAGES OF INCREASED EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
Increased physical health
Higher academic achievement
Better formed relationships
Less tendency to violent acts
Emotionally healthy
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FIVE STEPS TO EMOTIONAL COACHING
Become aware of the child's emotion Recognise the emotion as an
opportunity for intimacy and teaching Put yourself in the child's shoes and
listen, acknowledging the child's feelings
Help to find words to express the emotion
Set limits while exploring ways to solve the problem
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WHY DON’T WE LISTEN?
We are pursuing our own line of thought
We are relating it all to our own experience
We switch off because we know what they are going to say
We judge the speaker, labelling everything they are saying instead of listening
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POSITIVE COMMUNICATION
“You think you’re so clever”
Put downs
“Actions speak louder than words”
Body language
“You’re so clumsy”
Labelling“Don’t spill it”
Making requests
“Can you hear me?”
Listening
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WHY DO WE PUT OUR CHILDREN DOWN?
To say what was said to us when we were young
It is the right thing to do
We are down on our reserves
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PROBLEM SOLVING
Describe the situation
Sum up in their words
Generate ideas
Pick one
Confirm if solved
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WHAT DOES SELF ESTEEM DO FOR OUR CHILDREN?
Face fewer obstacles to fulfilment The negative opinion of others will not
immobilise them They will not be undone by failure, they
will learn from it They will respect others They will find loving others easier and
have lots of love to give away!
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AS PARENTS WE MUST:
Accept ourselves, recognise what we are doing is the best we can
Recognise we have a choice about how to behave as a parent
Share our thoughts, feelings and needs honestly and without fear of judgement
Look after ourselves and ask for and gain support from others
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FOUR KEY TENETS FOR PARENTS
To identify our own values
To provide us and our children with a sense of direction
To accept responsibility for guiding and leading our children to adulthood
To avoid the extremes of child rearing fashions and find a sustainable middle way.
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TRAINING OBJECTIVES
Examine the nature of self esteem and where it comes from
Recognise the symptoms of high and low self esteem
Examine our own self esteem and how that may impact on our children
Identify a strategy for day to day parenting that builds our own and our child's self esteem
Examine practical everyday ways of ensuring we build self esteem