Understanding Adolescence (Koteskey, 2005).pdf

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Understanding

Adolescence

Ronald L. Koteskey

Member Care Consultant

New Hope International Ministries

_____________VICTOR BOOKS

A DIVISION OF SCRIPTURE PRESSPUBLICATIONS INC, USA CANADA ENGLAND

Understanding Adolescence 2

1987 by SP Publications, Inc., a division of Cook Communications Ministries

Scripture quotations are taken from theHoly Bible, New International Version,

1973, 1978, 1984, International Bible Society. Used by permission of ZondervanBible Publishers.

Recommended Dewey Decimal Classification: 301.4315Suggested Subject Heading: ADOLESCENCE

Library of Congress Catalog Card Number 86-63139ISBN 0-89693-249-4

2005 Update

Cook Communications Ministries returned publication rights to theauthor, Ronald L. Koteskey, in 2004. Permission is granted to copyand distribute this book unchanged and in its entirety without charge.

This E-book is exactly like the 1987 version except that each chapter,like this page, ends with a 2005 Update.

Please feel free to send the book to anyone you believe may benefitfrom it.Please do NOT post this book anywhere else on the Internet.

Ronald L. Koteskey122 Lowry Lane

Wilmore, KY 40390USA

859-858-3636

[email protected]

www.missionarycare.com


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Understanding Adolescence91

t Th i f d t t



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partners. These services are found at www.covenanteyes.com,www.netaccountability.com, and www.xxxchurch.com. Of course, ifa person wants to access pornography, he or she can just find anothercomputer to do so. A person who has repeatedly accessedpornography and tried repeatedly to quit will probably find itimpossible without help from someone else.

Many other suggestions are in the brochure titled WhatMissionaries Ought to Know about Internet Immorality atwww.missionarycare.com. The same information is in a chapter inthe e-book, What Missionaries Ought to Know, on the same site.

Chapter 7

Should I or Shouldnt I?

Kevin and Kay had dated for three weeks and were goingfurther and further in physically expressing their affection for eachother. They had held hands, kissed, and embraced on their first date,but they had gone far beyond that since then. The first week theirhands had stayed above the waist. The second week they had gonebelow the waist, but outside their clothes.

This week their hands were inside each others clothes, and

they found themselves more and more frustrated. They talked about ittogether. The first week Kevin had said, Everyone pets. Kayhardly even questioned that. This week Kevin was saying, Everyonehas sex.

Kay found herself wanting it too. She came home from everydate sexually aroused, asking herself, Should I or shouldnt I?

The question became more difficult when she and Kevinbegan having orgasms during their petting. Kevin said, We really

care for each other, and we arent being promiscuous.Kay wondered, Since we have done everything together,

what difference does it make if we have intercourse? Should we orshouldnt we?

How Far Can We Go?

Kevin and Kay, along with many other adolescents, are

wrestling with questions that hardly existed a hundred or more years


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years for particularly heinous crimes. However, in February 2005 theUnited States Supreme court ruled (on a split decision) that capitalpunishment cannot be given to anyone under the age of eighteen at


Chapter 10


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the time of the crime. So those who were on death row have now had

their sentences changed to life imprisonment. A Calling, Some Cash, and Some credit

As Eric was leaving for a movie with several of his friends, hisfather handed him a twenty-dollar bill and told him to have fun. Hespent it all that evening, knowing there was plenty more where thatcame from. His father was not wealthy, but since he had grown upwithout much, he had vowed that his children would have whateverthey wanted.

Jenny did not have as much money as Eric, but she could notunderstand why some people worried so much about it. Her motherseldom worked, but the welfare checks came regularly. It seemedstupid to her for a person to spend time doing a boring job when allyou had to do was let the government pay you.

Learning to work is only half of economic independence. Theother half is learning to use money. Eric and Jenny are learningneither. As parents you need to teach your adolescents what workmeans, what they need, and how to manage money.

By the Sweat of Your Brow

At one time work was praised as a right and a dutya way ofserving God. This was the foundation for the Protestant work ethic soprevalent in the United States in the past. However, today manyadolescents make fun of this old ethic which promotes hard work.They do not want to become workaholics, caught up in their work

as some people are in their alcohol.


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2005 Update

The cost of things has gone up in the last 20 years. I couldfind no comparable data for basic necessities to begin married life


Chapter 11


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find no comparable data for basic necessities to begin married life.

However, data about the cost of college is readily available. TheCollege Boards annual, Trends in College Pricing 2004, is availableat www.collegeboard.com. For the current academic year (2004-2005) in public colleges and universities undergraduate tuition andfees average $5132. Adding room and board, the average cost for ayear of public education is $11,354 (this does not include books,clothing, transportation, incidentals, etc.) For the current academicyear in private colleges and universities undergraduate tuition and

fees average $20,082. Adding room and board, the average cost for ayear of private education is $27, 516 (this does not include books,clothing, transportation, incidentals, etc.)

Do I Have to Go to School?

Karla, a high school freshman, came home from school oneafternoon. Bored with school, she said, Every year we do the sameold stuff. We learn about nouns and verbs. We study the history ofthe United States, Im bored to death. Do I have to go?

Jack, also in Karlas class, went home asking the samequestion, but for different reasons. He said, Ill never get it. I stillcant tell when to use goodand when to use well. They both sound allright to me. What difference does it make whatx is? Ill never use

algebra anyway. Do I have to go?Karla was bored because she learned rapidly and already knew

most of what was being taught. Jack learned more slowly, and he feltas though it was just not worth the effort. Since both were teenagersand not allowed to work, our culture had to do something with them.Education seemed like the logical, even practical, thing. Like notallowing them to work, making teenagers go to school was part of ourcreation of adolescence.

Everyone Must Go

For thousands of years parents educated their own children.They taught whatever was necessary to succeed in society. Oursociety wants everyone to read and write, to understand the scientificmethod, to know algebra and geometry, and so on. No country has

ever achieved that kind of education by just setting up schools and


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they can understand themselves, and if you treat them as adults, youand your teenagers have made a great start toward solving theproblems handed to you.

Of course, if you have been treating them like children, you

j dd l ll h h d l d h h ld lik


2005 Update

This chapter is the conclusion, and I would change nothingrelative to that since the first edition.


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cannot just suddenly tell them they are adults and they should act likeit. They need your help in gradually assuming responsibility. It isimportant that you start immediately. To get some idea of where tostart, look at the final exam you took at the beginning of this chapter.Remember that the test included two questions from each chapter,beginning with chapter 2. Find the areas in which you were fallingthe shortest and begin there. For example, questions three and fourwere from chapter 3. If you had low scores on these questions, look

over chapter 3 and begin there.Although I called it a final exam, it is really a progress report.

It is final in the sense that it comes at the end of this book.However, you should take it every three months or so to see if you aremaking progress toward treating your teens as adults. Have yourteenagers repeat it too. Then have them replace some of the questionswith questions of their own so that you find out in what areas theyfeel you are treating them like children. That will give you some new

areas to work on. That kind of individualized test is much morevaluable than the general one in this chapter. Then repeat the test(using their new questions) three months later.

Of course, you may do everything right as parents, and yourteens still not become the kind of persons you want them to be.Remember that they are adults and can make choices on their own.Some of those choices will be wrong ones. The suggestions in thisbook only help steer them in the right direction, not ensure that they

make the right choices. As we saw at the end of chapter 1,understanding adolescence makes the task of being a parent easier,not simple. Ultimately you must commit your teens to God and prayfor them constantly.


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Missionary Kids. Since we live near a college that has arather large number of third culture kids, we help them on acontinuing basis. We contact them via e-mail when they apply and

continue communicating with them monthly until they arrive We aref h i i i d h d h i


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continue communicating with them monthly until they arrive. We arepart of their orientation on campus and then attend their groupactivities throughout the year. Probably most importantly, we invitethem up to Sunday dinner at our home about once a month. Ofcourse, this lets them know that we are available to help themhowever we can, and they contact us for everything from taxes toborrowing things to personal problems.

Understanding Adolescence (Koteskey, 2005).pdf

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