Un-Labor Day For You or a Friend?Transition Help for Job and Life

By Steve Fawthrop

Originally Post to LinkedIn 9/2/2014

While we just spent a weekend where, in part, we were supposed to celebrate labor in the U.S., a reality is that many of us are not currently laboring.

Regardless of the length of time and circumstance, unemployment is reflective of a transition in your life or, perhaps, the life of a friend or family member. Transition is not just prompted by unemployment, of course, but may be part of other significant life events.

Two years ago I had personal changes as part of the bigger picture of life. I left a job in August and made the decision to move back to Seattle, my hometown.

On the downside, it was partially prompted by a desire to disconnect with Orange County, California where I had been living since 2003, due to a divorce that was about to finalize.

In the positive, I felt it best to make the job situation secondary and return to my roots, siblings and old friends to help provide foundation in addressing a life situation that had changed dramatically. As summer neared end, circumstances evolved to clarify my decision to make the move.

My son, Nolan, returned to college mid-August and was living away full-time in Tempe attending Arizona State University. My daughter, Hayley, was about to start her freshman year in college, it turned out, at Seattle University.

Once she decided on S.U. in spring my mind was bending toward a move home but I gave myself until the end of summer, when I needed to take her to Seattle to move into the dorms, to decide.

Once I arranged for a place to live, I returned to Orange County after the dorm drop off, packed up my O.C. life and arrived in Seattle October 2012.

The discussion of transitions came up last week but not because the Labor Day weekend marked a specific time of choice in my life. While a decision or certain actions (or an event out of your control) can often be an easily identified change marked on a calendar, the process of transition is vastly different.

Discussing life transitions was the topic of a phone call last week with a friend who is undergoing her own life changes.

She recently moved from the Los Angeles area, where she grew up and lived and worked the last 20 years after earlier stints in New York City and San Francisco, to the Columbia Gorge area of Washington State east of Portland.

While she is clear about the decision, and has moved and been settling into a new home the last few months, she is in the middle of a transition not simply resolved by getting the pictures up on the walls of her new home. Her move is a significant, but early step in shifting her life a new direction physically (the obvious part), mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

During the call I cited a book recommended to me years ago by a friend in the industry, David Kinard, called "Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes" by William Bridges. The sub-title is "Strategies for Coping with the Difficult, Painful and Confusing Times of Life."

The book covers all aspects of life, although it was prompted partially based on Bridges writing about his own desire to change careers in his early 40s.

The book covers three keys areas:

1) Endings which can be prompted by negative events (job loss, divorce, death) and others that might be seen as positive at face value like getting married, having a child or getting a job promotion.

2) The Neutral Zone. This is the meat of the book. It is recognizing the sense of being off-balance in one or more parts of your life and learning how to deal with the uncertainty of change.

Fundamentally he states that it is natural and common to have mixed thoughts, doubts, up-and-down perspectives and discomfort as you work through the neutral zone.

He uses the analogy that it is human nature to want to immediately cross the street to the other side, and move on, but life sometimes leaves us standing on the median with traffic zipping by both directions and we, for whatever reason, have to remain there to work something through.

3) New Beginnings. This is the time when you get a greater sense of clarity on new direction and when life starts to make sense again.

The three parts are not in silos. They often overlap as various disenchantments lead you into the neutral zone--developed internally or thrust upon you--and as you come out of the neutral zone.

A blog post examining the book highlights the distinction between change and transition:

One of the main points Bridges makes is that transition is not the same as change. Change is what happens to you. Transition is what you experience. And transition involves loss and letting go - typically of old familiar routines and ways of doing things, social identity, role identity, status, money and relationships.

Says Bridges: "To cross over the line into the transition, you need to ask yourself what inner relinquishments you'll need to make because of the change. What needs will you have to find other ways to get met? Because of your change, what parts of yourself are now out of date?"

The book has become a standard in the HR field as a modern classic in career transition and is one I have recommended regularly to others. A 25th anniversary edition published in 2004 but nothing in the content makes it dated. It has value today, maybe even more so related to employment.

Additional Resources

This post mentions five points that lead to endings although does not detail them: found here

An overview of the book, including making the point that endings are a natural part of our lives, although we often do not want to acknowledge it: found here

A career coach in a blog post quotes directly from Bridges opening in the newer edition highlighting the difference between change and transition and how, so often, society fails to make the important distinction: found here This post includes some excerpts from the book: found here ##

Interestingly, below is part of a sermon from a minister posted online about his announced departure due to pending retirement and changes affecting the congregation. "Transitions" is sourced:

Endings are often hard, and sad, and confusing, and can even be disorienting. Endings occur when we are losing a relationship, or a structure, or a place, or an activity that we have known and loved. And we may not have chosen this ending, this change. We do not necessarily want it to be happening.

As William Bridges says, “the ‘reality’ that is left behind in any ending is not just a picture on the wall. It is a sense of which way is up and which way is down; it is a sense of which way is forward and which way is backward. It is, in short, a way of orienting oneself and of moving forward into the future.”

When we know and understand that endings include disengagement, dis-identification, and often a kind of disorientation, then we can find ways to give ourselves the time and space to move through these feelings, not denying or exaggerating them, but recognizing them, acknowledging them as part of the process, and moving through them at our own rate of speed.

If we are to handle change in a way that promotes a positive transition there are important elements in the process (he then went into detail under each heading from Bridges discussing how to manage yourself in the neutral zone):

1. Taking the necessary time

The time to come to terms with the changes that are occurring, time to be gentle with one another and ourselves over the variety of feelings that come up whenever aspects of life are in flux;

2. Arranging for temporary structures.

3. Recognizing why we all may feel uncomfortable at times.

4. Taking care of ourselves, one another, and our community in small and large and fun ways is very important. .

5. Exploring the other side of this change.

Part of exploring the other side of change is acknowledging that as humans we often have mixed and seemingly contradictory emotions. We can be sad and excited, angry and hopeful, disappointed and full of anticipation all at the same time – and one feeling does not in any way invalidate another;

6. Talking with someone.

This is always a good way to make sure we don’t get stuck in one way of viewing the change process – such as focusing completely on the negative or the positive aspects of the situation, either of which can impede the process of a successful transition.

7. Finding out what is waiting in the wings of your life. .

8. Remembering that new beginnings are both a process and a point.

As we individually and collectively achieve a clear vision of our direction in the new future and nurture our sense of patience with the process, we will be most open to the amazing options and possibilities that will most certainly occur.

Transitions done well do help us “make sense” of life’s changes and with luck will enable us both to mature and to go on creating ourselves.

In the book Bridges noted he was in a comfortable position as a professor at a college in California in the time preceding writing the book. A move out of academia did not seem logical to those who knew him, yet he knew internally he needed to make a change. His exploration led him to look at the journey of others and the common challenges involved.

He formed a consulting group to assist individuals in transitions along with companies dealing with significant changes, including often the need for major layoffs due to restructuring and new directions.

He had another popular book I later read called "Managing Transitions: Making the Most of Change" which is written to assist a manager who remains post restructuring. It is a guide to understand how to help staff through changes and emotional challenges of a corporate transition along with understanding the personal needs as a manager leading a change.

More recently Bridges noted that the economic turndown since 2008 has left everyone in some state of transition, whether someone has lost a job or not, due to the uncertainly of the economy and acceleration of changes in business that have evolved since his original writings.

He died in 2013 at age 80. His daughter, Susan, now manages his consulting firm and is listed as co-author with him on the third edition of "Managing Transitions" published in 2010.

About me

I have been in sales and sales management in advertising, marketing and media as a career. First in publishing, including with USA Today and American City Business Journals, the largest publisher of local business media in the country, then a shift into digital. My most recent work was with moment M, a mobile ad tech start up.

I am also a community manager for Linked Seattle, one of the largest geographically focused groups on LinkedIn, with over 52,000 members.

Social media:

http://www.linkedin.com/in/stevefawthropwww.google.com/+stevefawthropTwitter: @Steve Fawthrop Steve Fawthrop author page on LinkedIn

e-mail: stevefawthrop@outlook.com