“A Father as Refuge”Topic:

Tuesday, April 7th

6:30pm – 8:00pm(Meet in the main sanctuary)

Refuge (Definition): shelter or protection from danger, trouble, etc.; A safe place.

Who do you want your kid(s) to run to?

Example from the book (pg. 94) – Denise’s dad…

“That father communicated something extremely valuable to his daughter that day. It may have seemed rather routine at that time, but he earned his daughter’s gratitude by being a refuge for her. That incident created (or enhanced) a sense of safety and security in her mind that said, ‘I can rely on Dad. I can run to him when I’m in trouble. He will defend me. He will be my advocate’”.

Open your books to page 94… Look with me at the statistics sited in the last paragraph.

Does this data put a premium on this idea of a Father as a Refuge?

The answer is YES. Our kids need a shelter from this storm.

A Father as a Fortress

Let’s talk about the example that King David gave us. When problems loomed large for David, to whom did he turn?

Ps. 57:1

When things turned around for David (became King), how did he respond? To whom did he give credit and specifically for what?

Ps. 9:9Ps. 46:7Ps. 144:2

Our Model Father (God) is a source of strength, a safe place to his children. In him we can find safety from the attacks and the pressure of the world. God is a refuge.

Isn’t that the kind of father you want to be?

Important: You want your kids to turn first and foremost to their heavenly Father. Just as he is your fortress and refuge, you want him to be their refuge as well. We all do.

At the same time, we all want to be a refuge for our children in the same way(s) that God is. We want them to know that there is always a safe place they can run to – wherever Dad is!

Like everything else, this is an impossible task if you try to achieve it in your own strength and wisdom. On your own, you would certainly blow it every time.

But you’re not on your own. You “can do everything through him who give [you] strength”. Phil. 4:13

Some Sound Strategies…

PREPARING FOR CRISIS

Jim Baker example… What he did was wrong (sin). Explain why. But God loves him as much as you or me. And Christ died for him just as much. If God can’t forgive Jim Baker, then he can’t forgive you or me.

Personal example… if his daughter got pregnant, he’d be there for her. He’d never turn his back on his daughter.

BEING ALERT AND OBSERVANT

Example in book about son who came home irritable… the father noticed.

Being a refuge requires a father to be alert and observant. It will mean being sensitive to your children’s words and moods. It will mean respecting their worries and concerns. It will mean getting to know their friends.

LEARNING TO LISTEN

Example in book about father who took son to lunch and just listened… while the son was waiting for the “shoe to drop”.

It’s not always our task to chastise and preach to our kids (although sometimes they need this). As a refuge, our task is to express interest in our kids; To develop and refine the art of listening to our kids.

We need to listen first, hear the whole story, withhold criticism or condemnation and let our children pour out their troubles without fear that we will jump to conclusions or rush to judgment.

SPEAKING THE TRUTH IN LOVE

Most fathers, no matter how spiritual or conscientious, are more prone to send messages laced with criticism, commands, or demands. That is why it is so important to watch our words.

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of our mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Eph. 4:29

Our words can be as vicious as a physical blow. If we lash out at our kids with criticism, sarcasm, condemnation, and disgust, we will slam the door on their willingness to run to us when they’re in trouble.

COMING ALONGSIDE OUR KIDS

Example in book about Olympic runner and his dad…

How many times have you stayed in the stands when you should have run onto the track to support your kids?

Becoming a refuge means running to their side, not to carry them but to come alongside them when they face hurt and disappointment. It means saying, “We’re going to finish this together.”

SETTING HEALTHY LIMITS

Becoming a refuge for our children doesn’t require us to become overly permissive parents who never dare speak a word of correction or exercise discipline.

Our loving Father has given us all we need in green pastures and still waters (Ps. 23:2). But he has also given us fences – his perfect law of liberty and the truth that sets us free in Christ (James 1:25 and John 8:32). Fenced pastures are not only good for livestock, they are good for children as well.

A child will turn to a father as a refuge when that dad has established healthy limits that communicate concern and provide guidance for the child without exasperating him or her (see Eph. 6:4)

BUILDING A SUPPORT SYSTEM

Becoming a refuge for our children requires that participation of a support system.

There is great value in working together with others of like mind – your church, youth group, youth pastor, teachers, coaches, and family friends – to share resources, insights, strengths, and to build safe places for our kids.

Example in book of “other father figure”…

Who do you want your kids to turn to?

Let’s break out into our small groups and be back at

7:50PM

Small Group Questions

1. What attributes or characteristics of your heavenly Father make you turn to him in times of trouble?

2. How well do you reflect those attributes or characteristics in your own life?

3. What are some good examples of things you’ve done (ie. “dates”) in order that you might spend more time and listen to your kids?

4. Can you make a list of projects or problems that each of your kids currently need help on? What can you do to come alongside and support or help them?

5. Are there adults in your kids lives they would feel confident and comfortable taking their troubles to?