Top NonsensicalHalloween Costumes

FOR MOMS

#10 BraveThe perfect mother daughter ensemble, up until the part where your precious little angel pays a witch to turn you into a bear. Roar. The kid costume can be purchased (don't forget the toy bow and arrow), but mom costume? I'd go to a tailor myself because I'd want my dress to be pretty, and I can't sew.

#9 The Cat in the HatForget Catwoman. This is the cat. The cat where it's at. The Cat in the Hat. You'd probably want to purchase the hat at least unless you are one of THOSE moms who are all DIY crafty (jealous I am). Beyond the hat, the rest is DIY. Black top and black pants (form fitting). Cover with a furry like scarf. Don't forget white gloves and bow tie. Paint your face white, draw some whiskers... For the tail? You could always just tape up a white piece of paper on your butt that says, "Tail Removed Due to Crosseyed Veterinarian." Of course, you can slap on blue wigs and number your offspring to complete YOUR costume.

#8 Jessica RabbitIf you can talk your husband into dressing up in a bunny costume... No shit why wouldn't you do this?

#7 Drag QueenFor the bar (leaving the kids at home) or an adult party... If you are going to be a queen, might as well go for the gold. I always say never go full whore unless you are in drag, so this costume gives you endless options in going full whore for just one magical night until the carriage turns into a pumpkin and hangovers ensue. If you have any gay friends, they may let you borrow some of their stuff. If you don't have any gay friends, I'm so sorry for you.

#6 KissJust so you can do the Miley Cyrus tongue thing and not look like you just sucked on some ecstasy.

#5 Lara CroftIf you don't want to be all mom and want to go sexy, like one up catwoman... Technically, this is a mom friendly costume because we all know how many kids Angelina Jolie has. Actually, I don't think we do know. But the fact remains she has herds of children. Mother Hen right here.

#4 Retro HousewifeIt's the old school paradigm of motherhood. You just need a retro dress, retro apron, some ungodly uncomfortable shoes, and the pearls. Don't forget the mother effin pearls. Pull your hair back like an uptight bitch and voila. June Cleaver. You have to get into character too and tell all the other moms what they are doing wrong via backhanded compliments.

#3 Karen WalkerNow this costume would let you drink while you walk, which is a necessity because the costume isn't complete without a martini. Throw on a cute black suit. Throw the hair up. Don't forget to blurt out random advice to other parents in a sassy belligerent voice like, "You know what those rocks need? A little scotch." And other Karen Quotes like "Would you like me to preheat the oven, or do you just want to dive in?" and "That's your laugh? It sounds like a squirrel orgy!" And of course, when people ask who you are, you say, "I'm Anastasia Beaverhausen." Duh.

#2 Mary PoppinsI mean cmon now. Mary Poppins has class, she's bad ass, and she's gorgeous. She's also kind of a bitch, and that's why we love her. Retro Nanny, she makes it look cool. I think the modern day Mary Poppins would say, "Bollocks" a lot. A. Lot.

#1 PrancerciseIf you totally want to embarrass your kids during trick or treat, this is the way to go. The most important component to this costume would be the camel toe. One of those mini bomb speakers for your iProductish music player will help assure that all those around you can enjoy the Prancercise music with you, while you Prancercise of course. On the left, the original Prancercise lady, and then Right, Insane in the Mom Brain (Patti Ford, yes that's right ladies and gentleman, THE Patti Ford). If camel toes offend you, I hope you see a moose knuckle.

Moose KnucklesJust in case anyone was offended over the camel toe. Courtesy of College Humor (Thank You for this, I shall sleep better now knowing someone else saw it too).

Compiled by Dribbles and GritsMad-hattery that occasionally enlightens on a mysteriously profoundish level with a focus on momming and dadding and fixing what the in-laws fucked up, which is another way of saying a place to procrastinate doing the dishes.www.dribblesngrits.com

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