A t the risk of dating myself,

I was recently reminded of a Seinfeld episode as I was reading Christine Hoover’s new book, Messy Beautiful Friendship. In one episode of Season 8, Jerry started dating a beautiful woman

but he was bothered by one minor detail – her Man Hands. While he found her attractive and interesting, he ultimately missed out on a potential relationship because he couldn’t get past her “manly hands.”

While it seemed so petty and ridiculous looking back at the episode, I find myself guilty of this same shallow thinking in my approach to relationships and friendships. Why is it that I have so much trouble seeing past differences in style, age, marital status, ethnicity, and, in my case, love for “Star Wars” when cultivating friendships? Can I really only be friends with someone who looks, acts, and talks like me?

TOO OFTEN WE HAVE TROUBLE SEEING PAST DIFFERENCES

Christine made an important observation that too often we “seek our own glory and satisfaction in friendships that are safe, comfortable, and self-serving.” I think she is on to something important here. I too often have trouble seeing past differences because I go into relationships preoccupied with myself, acting as if the relationship is only for me. Rather, Christine rightly concludes that “true friendship is mapped out by God and it is for Him.” As with everything good in my life, friendship is for God’s glory and is a gift of grace. When this is my mindset, it is easier to look past superficial differences and see our common need in other women.

God made us to be interdependent and in community with others, particularly other Believers. My prayer is that God will help me see past my own self-serving need and reach out in friendship to the women He has brought around me.

Serving with love,Bethany

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BY DEEDEE COLLINS

Our culture bombards us with messages of how to live our daily lives that are far from God’s intended design. Many women have grown up without Christian role models. There is no greater joy than a friendship that spans generations and experience. Biblical thinking and living are a spiritual battle we all face. This passage from Titus 2 can make us feel woefully inadequate. The point is not to burden us with our insufficiency. Author Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth encourages us to not feel forced to live out these character traits. Rather, with the grace of God, we can release our need to perform, relying on our own strength, and allow the Holy Spirit to help us become the women He wants us to be. Ultimately, we are to adorn the doctrine of the gospel.

Nancy is known for pushing her readers to understand Biblical doctrine before seeking application. This book speaks powerfully to both older and younger women allowing them to see the plan God has for each of His daughters. Nancy’s transparency is refreshing, sharing many life lessons, coupled with her experience coming from the majority of her life being single. She speaks fondly of the older women who mentored her and the “daughters” she has gathered throughout her life. The book is both inspiring and practical. Each chapter offers questions that point to application for each woman regarding her own walk with Christ and with other women.

The book provides one of the most extensive examinations of the Titus 2 passage I have ever encountered. Highlights from the discussion include:

• When God’s Word is learned and lived out by older and younger women together, the outcome will be stunningly beautiful. A mirror reflection of Christ.

• Generational sharing of life is actually a basic requirement of the Christian lifestyle. If we are too busy to commit to a single mentoring relationship, we might need to re-evaluate our priorities.

• When we serve people, we serve Christ.

• Biblical submission is first a heart attitude. It’s submitting to the will of God, then to a husband or others in authority.

• Having a heart for home will look different for different women. Embrace the current season and calling as a gift from God, asking Him for the wisdom to make the right choices that best honor Him.

There are times in our lives when the women we are the closest to, perhaps in our own age group, cannot help us with something we are facing. We want someone older, with more experi-ence. That is what this Titus 2 passage is all about. Younger women learn that there is a priceless source of wisdom and support from the older women around them. Older women are challenged by Nancy to “pass the baton” of biblical womanhood on to the next generation. Ultimately, when older and younger women are supporting each other in living out God’s transforming love, the body of Christ benefits.

The book stresses that women need our presence, our concern, and our prayers; that is fostered in mentoring relationships. They can happen “organi-cally” or they can be more formalized. I have been blessed to experience both in my walk of faith and life. Early in our time at Immanuel I met a wonderful woman named Martha Lewis. In vol-unteering for her women’s retreat com-mittee, she took me under her wing and we fast became friends. She has taught me much over our 15-year friendship –

Woman to Woman Older and younger

Side by side – Life on life This is God’s good and beautiful plan.

Titus 2: A Powerful Vision for Women…

WHAT I’M READING

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about marriage, parenting, and recently she’s encouraged me in the empty nest season! Having come to faith in Christ later in life, I had a lot to learn! We had breakfast last month and I thanked her, once again, for investing in my life as a Christian woman. In recent years, some other women, closer to my age, have poured into my life in new ways. We are all “works in progress” (Phil 1:6); we can never have enough mentors!

And now, passing that baton, I have been involved in the Women’s Spiritual Mentoring Ministry for the past three years. It has been a privilege and joy to come alongside other women and share what I have learned in my walk of faith in Christ. In addition to 1-1 relationships, there has been the added blessing of meeting with a group of 20-somethings, along with two other “mentor moms”, every few months over dinner. We process life and seek how we best honor God with our lives. Mentoring is happening all over Immanuel in ABFs, small groups, the choir & orchestra, MOPS, EMOMS, Connected on the Homefront, and other places as well. God is at work in all those relationships, as He intended, for His purpose and glory!

God’s desire is to take us from where we are and bring us to where He wants us to be; mentoring is one of many things He uses in making us His disciples. Adorned is a great read. I’ve already given a copy to a friend and mentor. I’m grateful for Nancy’s perspective, her thorough examination of the Titus 2 passage, and for the practical application she provides any woman to “adorn the gospel” in all relationships. K

Our Dearest Tammy, I had been struggling for several months to sit

down and write what has been on my heart and mind as we came closer to your move to Pennsyl-vania. I wanted to share my admiration for you and how I have appreciated the opportunity to walk alongside you over the past ten years. I don’t generally consider myself an emotional person, but every time I tried to compose my thoughts, my mind would wander to the many meaningful conversations I have had with you over the years and I would end up in tears as I considered how much you mean to me, how your faith and character have impacted my life, and how I did not want to say goodbye.

I was finally able to write that letter to you, but I also want to take an opportunity to publicly thank you for the many ways that you have served the women of Immanuel over the past twenty years. You have been a counselor, a mentor, a friend, and for some, the only Godly mother or sister that they have known. I have had many conversations with friends lately about the qualities that we admire in you and it is not a short list. I thought that Debbie Noetzel did a beautiful job at a farewell party describing how you have this amazing ability to make everyone you speak to feel as though they are the most important person in the world while you are in that conversation with them. You also listen, really listen to what we have to say before you respond, and when you do offer wisdom or advice, we listen because we trust that what you are offering us comes from a lifetime spent seeking the Lord.

We appreciate your transparency and we have learned so much because you were willing to let us rejoice with you over your joys and grieve with you in your sorrows. We have witnessed your loving faithfulness to your husband – the way you speak kindly to and about him and even endearingly defend his mustache. You have opened your home, made meals for us, taught our children, shared the Gospel, and helped us to discern truth. You are observant and speak the things you value in people. You are encouraging to all of us and even through difficulty, maintain your sense of humor. You, more than most people, to me represent watching the joy in the journey.

I feel confident that many women could describe how you mentored them in their roles as wives and mothers, but I also want you to know that your kindness minis-tered to me in my singleness. I never felt as though I lacked anything in your com-pany. You have a way of empathizing with others that communicates so clearly that we are seen and valued, and that means the world to us. Your reassuring smile and laughter brings joy to our lives.

I know that I speak for many when I say that as much as we love you and will miss you here at Immanuel, we are so proud of your decision to say yes to the call to serve the men and women of First Baptist Church of Pequea. We are confident that they will be blessed through you just as we have been and we are praying expectantly for the work that the Lord will do through you both.

We love you!Sarah SmithFor the Women of Immanuel

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Who can be in a room full of people, know them all by name, and still feel lonely? A WOMAN! We women are funny creatures. I can say that because I am one. Recently, I asked a group of women how many were satisfied with their friendships. One hand in the entire room went up. That is very telling.

God has graciously given us the design and the desire to engage with others, so why is that often so complicated? We frequently live parallel to each other but for a variety of reasons fail to let our lives intersect with those on the same course. I am not talking the kind of intersect where we exchange a few complete sentences in the hall on Sunday morning, follow on Twitter, or friend on Facebook. I am talking about the kind of intersect where we peel back some layers, take off the masks, and allow our lives to become entangled with another—knit together at the heart level. Laugh together, cry together, hurt together, pray together. 1 Samuel 18:1 tells us that “the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as himself.” That is true friendship, and it is a rare and beautiful treasure.

So how do we get there? As with so many things in life we want a neat little friendship formula to plug the parts into and generate an expected outcome. Oh, would I love to have a formula to share with you! Remember from your days studying math though that formulas are

great for solving situations where there is only one unknown, one variable. What woman do you know that only has one variable—introvert/extravert, good hair/bad hair day, weight up/weight down day, Mary/Martha? One woman brings enough variables to the equation to genuinely complicate things; think about the chaos when two women are involved. A + B does not necessarily equal C in the world of friendship.

Like you, sometimes I wonder why a relationship has not clicked or why I perceive disinterest on the part of another individual. I go into self-protect mode and determine that it would not have worked anyway…we really did not have anything in common…better off moving on. Then I go into self-analysis mode and wonder

what is wrong with me…what is so unappealing that someone would prefer not to be my friend…if they would just take the time to get to know me, they might be surprised. Finally, I join Jesus in His Word and get a perspective shift.

Both paths I started down began with self. That is a real hindrance to friendship. Works ok with acquaintanceship—initially I put my best self forward and if you like what you see, we can be great acquaintances. I can actually stay at that level of relationship for a long time because I feel in control, only letting you know what I want you to know about me. However, with the focus on self, I tend to be easily offended and often more interested in protecting my image versus reflecting His image. At some point though, if I truly desire to shift from being an acquaintance to becoming a friend then the focus has to come off of me. What factors could encourage this shift?

Choose to set aside some time. I must consciously choose to spend time with someone if I want to build a friendship. Not at the expense of those things God has specifically given me to tend to during a particular season, but in addition to. This comes easy for some. Not for me—an undeniable introvert. I not only love white space on my calendar, I crave it. Contrary to popular belief, introverts are not socially withdrawn, we are simply those who expend lots of energy (a limited resource)

Understand the purpose. A true friend joins you

on a journey aimed toward

Christ. She offers encouragement when warranted

and says the hard things when

appropriate

UnderstandingWhere Friendship Begins

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BY WENDY BLACKWELL

in interacting with others…especially those of you God made extraverts! It does not mean I don’t love being with people; I just need a little bigger gap between events on my calendar to refuel. In contrast, togetherness energizes extraverts. Thus, when I end up with some unscheduled time, my default is to head toward home. For the extravert who wants to be my friend, this can be misinterpreted as disinterest. Understanding each other’s wiring and accepting differences goes a long way toward deepening a friendship.

Pay attention to what’s in front of you…and I don’t mean your phone! I guarantee you that I have missed out on some friendship opportunities because I sized the situation up before ever taking one step toward the other individual. She doesn’t look like me. She doesn’t dress like me. She doesn’t talk like me. Conclusion: She wouldn’t want to be my friend. Have you ever done that? How ironic that I am looking for someone to knit my heart to and I am more concerned with what is on the outside than the inside. Looking past the superficial characteristics encourages me to not just expand my circle of acquaintances but to expend my energy into developing a friendship.

Understand the purpose. A true friend joins you on a journey aimed toward Christ. She offers encouragement when warranted and says the hard things when appropriate, and I listen because I trust her. She is

not molding me into a better friend to meet her needs; she is motivating me to be a better follower of Christ. J. R. Miller wrote in his essay “On the Choice of Friends” (1880), “We do not want friends in whose presence we must wear a mask of reserve—but those who, seeing and knowing us as we are, shall love us in spite of the blemishes, seeking wisely, though not meddlesomely, the removal of our faults and the elevation of our character.” Isn’t that the goal? Bringing our character

in line with Christ’s. Thankfully, God provides friends to walk through this potentially lengthy process with us.

If I might borrow from Aesop and his famous story about a tortoise and a hare, slow and steady wins the race. Have the patience and take the time to invest in those whom God brings across your path. That is where friendship begins. K

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I have a friend who moved with her family halfway across the world two years ago. We grew up in the same church and though our lives crossed occasionally through college, our

friendship solidified when she interned in D.C. and lived with Chris and I for a summer. Afterwards, we kept in touch through occasional emails and rare visits, but we didn’t share life on a day to day basis. She got married and started a family, and despite living only four hours away from each other, we found it hard to keep in touch.

And then she moves to Thailand. The funny thing is, despite a 12 hour

time change and her being my friend who lives the farthest way, thanks to modern technology and internet

applications, we talk more now than we ever did when she lived just one state away.

Our history together is long, but our relationship stays close because

we choose to share what’s going on in our lives almost daily. We’ve laughed, cried, celebrated, and offered details on the day-to-day happenings. Because of all this, we feel a high level of comfort, honesty, trust, and safety in our relationship.

I write for a collaborative blog about motherhood with a group of 11 women who, up until last month, I’d

never met in person. Yet when four of them picked me up from the airport for an event where we’d all be meeting for the first time, I smiled and hugged each one, as if we were old friends.

Because it felt like we actually were. For almost two years, we’ve read

about each other’s lives in essay form; behind the scenes, we’ve collaborated on crafting these stories, celebrated new babies together, and cried over the heartbreak of new diagnoses and adoption struggles. In time, our hearts connected to each other–through the

power of words and with a common bond in Christ.

I’ve been a church girl all my life, and, for what it’s worth, would probably start to sing three verses of “What a Friend We Have In Jesus” if someone accidently hit a high C on a piano. But despite knowing and believing the words of that song, I didn’t always consider Jesus my friend.

If you asked, I’d probably tell you Jesus was my friend (because I know that’s the right answer). Without a doubt, He was my Lord, Savior, Master, Creator. He was available when I prayed in times of trouble. I knew He was in the words, the word Himself actually, of scripture, even though I often didn’t choose to spend time reading it or found it hard or confusing or dry. He was Love.

But for many years, to me, He was also hard to reach, distant, and so authoritative, I didn’t dare come to Him without having my life straightened out.

But Jesus did become my friend.How? What changed? What does a

friendship with Jesus actually look like? We all know friends share life

together. Friends love each other and rely on each other through every aspect of life–the big, little, mundane, and occasionally absurd. They tell each other the truth, share concerns, ask for help. Through time and communication, their lives don’t just intersect, but braid together.

BY SONYA SPILLMANN

A FRIENDSHIPGrown Out of Time

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BY SARAH HAYES

I think of my friend Rebecca in Thailand and how we try to talk every day, how much I know about her life and she knows of mine --- simply because we talk about all sorts of things. And I think about the women I write with, women I recognized instantly when I first saw them and fell into comfortable conversation with upon our first physical meeting---all because I knew so much about their lives through what I’ve read.

I didn’t set out to be a better friend with Jesus as a matter of will, but a loving friendship grew out of time, communication, and familiarity. Through learning who Jesus was and is in reading the Bible and in opening my heart in prayer, He became my friend.

How about you? Do you want Jesus as a friend?

If so, open your Bible and learn the story of His life. Learn about His father. Spend time with Him through prayer, talk and listen (even if it feels strange). Allow the narrative of His life to shape yours. Be aware of His presence and let the power of His spirit permeate every aspect of your day–as if you were living life alongside your best friend. K

I have a board on my Pinterest account titled “inspire // good words.”

With quotes from theologians and Scripture sprinkled through, it’s primar-ily filled with those encouraging and, yes, inspiring statements like “You’re always one decision away from a totally different life” and “If you know you can do better…then do better.”

We love those sentiments don’t we? Especially around the first of the year, when everything seems fresh and new and you have 365 days of possibility staring you right in the face. We make goals and resolutions and plans. We say this will be the year we finally do X, Y or Z – lose the weight, organize the house, find the guy, and the list goes on and on.

While I don’t believe there’s anything particularly special about January 1, I am not immune to the sense of possibil-ity that permeates this time of year. I love the idea of a fresh start and a new beginning. Perhaps more so than most, I love purposing that this year will be different. I color coordinate my new planner and I’ve filled out intentional goal setting workbooks for the last three years. I’ve even told myself those exact words — “This will be the year I finally…” — and some of those things have happened, while others haven’t.

It’s good to have hopes and dreams. It’s good to set goals and to purpose in our hearts to live in a way that is more intentional than we have lived in the past. But in our pursuit of our “best life” — the one where your house, your job, your body, your wardrobe, your sig-nificant other, and every other aspect of your life looks worthy of an Instagram feed — it’s easy to forget that the Lord has plans for you this year, too.

Our pursuit of that Pinterest-perfect life often becomes more fueled with those encouragement statements rather than Scripture, and when that happens, it’s easy to believe the lie that this life is

about us. It’s easy to buy into the belief that if we have the perfectly curated life, then suddenly all our problems and sin issues will disappear. We think, “If this happens, I will finally be content,” or “If this happens, I will no longer lose my temper.”

But that is a lie. Even when life looks perfect and put together from the outside, our hearts are still a hot mess of struggle between the saint and the sin nature. A perfect house or body or fam-ily will not make you perfectly patient, kind, loving, and gentle.

The truth is, my “best life” isn’t about me.

My best life is the one where Christ reigns supreme — where each day I am more devoted to Him, loving Him better, knowing Him more deeply. It’s a life where I am growing more righteous, holy, and gracious with each passing day. It’s a life where I shine the light of Christ to everyone I meet, whether my outfit is worthy of a fashion blog or not.

It may be that this year is the one where that thing you’ve been dreaming of finally comes to fruition. Sanctifi-cation and a put together life are not mutually exclusive. You may end 2017 with your life looking more “Instagram-worthy” than it did at the start. But the real success, the real “best life” comes when you finish 2017 looking more like Christ than you ever have before. The real “best life” is when yours is laid down and His shines through, no mat-ter the weight on the scale, the clothes in your closet, or the mess on the living room floor.

This life was never meant to be about us. It has always been about Him. K

MY “BEST LIFE” ISN’T ABOUT ME

Articles fromDEEDEE COLLINSSARAH SMITH WENDY BLACKWELLSONYA SPILLMANSARAH HAYES

HONORING CHRISTTOGETHER IMMANUEL BIBLE CHURCH6911 BRADDOCK ROADSPRINGFIELD, VA 22151-3602

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DON’T MISS

There is no charge for this event. However, we are accepting donations in support of our Rwanda Women’s Mission trip this summer. If you would like to help in this way, please bring a package of baby wipes or diapers on May 20. We will have a collection bin to accept the donations.