TMA World Viewpoint 15 The Critical Art Of Conversation

TMA World Viewpoint

The Critical Art of

Conversation

The Critical Art of Conversation

The café is abuzz with conversations - some between

family, some between friends and others between

colleagues or potential business partners.

Some are quiet and intimate, while others are closer to

a form of battle.

The latter reminded me of a conversation I observed in

a global diversity seminar that I had facilitated the day

before.


The conversation started relatively slowly with

people feeling out each other’s positions on the topic

and trying hard to be polite, but then it quickly

morphed into a passionate debate.

The speed with which people adopted positions and

fought for them was staggering.

I hadn’t given the

participants in the

conversation any

guidelines on

how to behave.

“Just be yourselves,”

I said. Gone was my advice of the day before –

first, listen to understand, think and then

speak.


No one was listening, people were talking over one

another to try and shut others down and win the

argument.

Positions were being misrepresented in order to

score points.

People stubbornly dug themselves into a rhetorical

hole that they couldn’t get out of without appearing

to lose face.

I had said nothing about debating or arguing,

I had just asked them to hold a conversation about

a work-related topic.


The linguist Deborah Tannen calls the conversational climate in which we live today the

‘Argument Culture’ and I couldn’t agree more with her descriptor.

This culture assumes that opposition is always the best way to get things done or to arrive

at the ‘truth’.

It encourages an adversarial mindset

in which views are polarized and

fought for and active thinking can

only be demonstrated by offering a

critique.


You only to switch on CNN to witness the argument culture in action - find people with

opposing viewpoints, put them together on the same broadcast and let them fight it out.

The person who can grab the most air

time and speak over the other person

the most and the loudest, wins.

People aren’t invited on the programs to

listen, to examine assumptions, to learn from

each other and think through solutions

together, that wouldn’t be attention-grabbing

enough.

However, it’s so important to the quality

of our public policies and our business

solutions.


In terms of leadership and management development, we must place a high priority on conversational competence. In getting things done through other people we need to spend considerable amounts of time in talking. There is more than one way to converse with others, but many professionals get stuck in their talk-habits. Business professionals need to have conversational options that they can apply depending on the context and objective.

Closed

Open

Transactional

Transformational

Exploring

Consulting

Arguing

Telling


Conversation can be placed along a spectrum from One-Way Telling (Closed) to Two-Way Exploring (Open). Along this spectrum are various options, the usefulness of which will depend on the situation and the need. Conversational options at the closed-end tend to be transactional (information exchange) while those at the open-end have the potential for being transformational (shifts in mindsets, mental models and underlying assumptions).

Closed

Open

Transactional

Transformational

Exploring

Consulting

Arguing

Telling


Exploring is a learning conversation (also referred to

as dialogue) and tends to be underused.

Its primary aim is the creative uncovering and

examination of deeply held assumptions, values,

beliefs and mental models that shape the way we

see and act in the world.

Once uncovered and understood, breakthrough

thinking becomes possible.


What are some of the behaviours

and techniques you should

encourage your managers to adopt

or avoid to promote greater use of

the learning conversation?


ADOPT AVOID

Asking open-ended questions A win-lose mindset

Being objective A ‘one right answer’ mentality

Building on others’ ideas Being evasive

Identifying and examining all assumptions, including one’s own

Blocking comments like “That won’t work here”

Listening to interpret meaning accurately Listening only to find faults

Not trying to reach conclusions too quickly Misconstruing the other person’s ideas to suit your own purpose

Staying focused on the goal of mutual understanding and learning

Reacting too often with the “Yes, but...” response

Suspending judgment Wanting quick and easy explanations

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TMA World Viewpoint 15 The Critical Art Of Conversation

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