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Tiptoeingaroundthedinosaur

ByElaineCharkowski

Inresponsetomystatementmaleviolenceistheworstproblemintheworld,a

womanemailedmeandwrote:"Idonotbelievethatmaleviolenceisthecauseoftheworld'sproblems,butasymptomofaverysicksystemthatproducesviolentmenandsubmissivewomen.Ifyousaythatviolentmenaretheproblem,thenwhat

isthesolutionshortofsuppressingoreliminatingthem?"SoIwrote:

Violentmencreatedthe"verysicksystemthatproducesviolentmenand

submissivewomen,"whichispatriarchy.Thus,Istandbymystatementthatmaleviolenceistheworstproblemintheworld.Furthermore,Itracethesourceofallthe

ismsandoppressionstomaleviolence.Theseincluderacism,sexismand

colonization,bothexternalandinternal.Internalcolonizationisseeingonesselfthroughtheeyesoftheoppressor.

Maleviolenceisalsothesourceofgenocide,war,homophobia,nationalism,crueltytoanimals,slavery,economicoppression,prostitutionandallsexualslavery,and

childabuse.

MaleviolenceincludestheplunderofEarthandallherresources(animal,vegetable

andmineral).ItisthesystematicmurderoftheLivingWorld,uponwhichhumanityandallotherlivingbeingsdepend.

Howcanwesolvetheproblemofmaleviolence,theworstproblemintheworld?

Wheredowebegin?Mencontrolallthepowerinstitutions.Theseincludethe

military,education,technology,law,theeconomy,mediaandmale-godreligions(spiritualbackupfortheirearthlyatrocities).

Icantsolvetheproblemofmaleviolencesinglehandedly.However,whatIcandoisnamemaleviolenceastheworstproblemintheworld.Thisisbecausenamingan

oppressionandtheoppresorsisthefirststeptowardendingit.Iwillnotbediscouraged,deflectedordistracted.

Iholdallmenresponsibleforendingmaleviolence.Thisincludesnon-violentmenbecauseallmenprofitfromaworldinwhichmaleviolenceexists,especiallymale

violenceagainstwomen.

Asmoreandmorewomenandmentakeupthecryandshoutfromtherooftopsthat

maleviolenceistheworstproblemintheworld,moreandmorepeoplecanoffertheirsolutions.Wecanlearnfromeachotherandcreatethesynergynecessaryto

endthishorror.Hopefullyhundredsofmillionsofwomenandmenwillsoonbe

joiningthisdiscussion.

QuestionstoAskOurselves

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Isnamingmaleviolenceastheworstproblemintheworldaseriousthreattopatriarchy,thesocialstructureofviolentmalepower?Ibelieveitisbecausethe

linguisticcontortions,generalizations,obfuscationsanddenialsareincrediblynumerousandvaried.Theirendlessrepetitionrevealsthatmaleviolencemust

neverbenamedastheworstproblemintheworld.Namingmaleviolencewouldthreatenthepowerofviolentmen-andalsoofmeningeneralwhobenefitfromthepatriarchalsystem.Anypossibleevasionmustbeusedtoavoidnamingmale

violenceastheworstproblemintheworld!

Theseinclude:"Notallmenareviolent,"Itscapitalism,"Womenareviolenttoo,"

"Itsracism,Itscolonization,"Itsgenocide,"Womencolludewithmenagainstwomen,""Womenprofitfrommaleviolence,""Itsgunviolence,""Menalsosuffer

underpatriarchy,""Violentsocietycreatesviolentmen,""WhataboutMargaret

Thatcher?""Womenalsooppresswomen,""Ilovethemeninmylifewhoarenotviolent,"etc.

Thesufferingofthosewhoaredirectlyaffectedbythevarioustypesofmaleviolencefurthercloudsthefocusonmaleviolence.Thus,womenwouldsaysexism

istheworstproblem,peopleofcolorwouldsayitsracism,Jewishpeoplewouldsayitsanti-Semitismandsoon.However,thefactisthatMENarethecommon

denominatorinalltheseabuses.Evenwhenwomencolludewithmen,oramember

ofadominatedracecolludewithracists,itstilldoesnotchangethefactthatmenareincharge,justascollaboratorsdidnotchangethefactthattheNaziswereincharge.

Whatisthesourceofourresistancetonamingmaleviolenceastheworstproblem

intheworld?Isitoriginalthoughtsfromourownmindsor,haveweinternalized

thisresistanceafterbeinginflictedfromthepatriarchytoprotectitself?Havewebeenmentallycolonizedtoavoidnamingmaleviolencesowewontwakeupand

endits6,000yearsofcarnage?

Inthearticle"WhatisitAboutMenThatthey'reCommittingTheseHorrible

Massacres?"ByMeghanMurphyhttp://www.alternet.org/gender/what-it-about-men-theyre-committing-these-

horrible-massacres?page=0%2C1&paging=off,shewrites,

Butwhataboutthemen?Itsaquestionthatsbeenavoidedbythemainstream

withinthecontextofmassshootings.TherecenttragedyinNewtown,Connecticut

sparkedthousandsofconversationsacrossthecontinentaboutgunlaws,mentalillness,andviolence.Andsadly,wevebeenherebefore."

Sheadds,"Inthemidstofallthishorror,weare,understandably,upinarms,

demandingchange,grievingallthewhile.Butwithinallthisrighteousanger,weare

verycarefullytiptoeingaroundthecommondenominator.In31oftheschoolshootingsthathavetakenplacesince1999,themurdererswereallmen."

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Whydobothwomenandmenoftenflinchawayfromspeakingthetruth,thatmale

violenceistheworstproblemintheworld?Dowomenfearthatnamingmaleviolencewillmakeviolentmenrapeandkillthem?Theyalreadyare.

GoingOutofOurMindsisabookbySoniaJohnsoninwhichshefocusesonmale

violenceagainstwomen.InChapter10TellingtheTruth,Johnsonwrote,Tobefemaleisreasoninitselftobeinservitude,tobehatedwoundedandkilledineverycountry,everycultureoftheworld.

Arewomenafraidthatthemenintheirliveswillstoplovingthemiftheyspeakupandnamemaleviolence?Ifthesemenopposemaleviolence,theywillunderstand

andtheirlovewillendure.

Dowomenfearfacingthepainfulandheartbreakingfactthatweliveinaworldin

whichsomanymenhateandhavecontemptforthem?Isnttheglobalepidemicofmaleviolenceagainstwomenandthemulti-billiondollarmale-dominatedporn

industry,inwhichwomenaredegraded,torturedandevenmurdered,proofofmenswidespreadhatredandcontempt?SoniaJohnsonwroteofthetimeherdaughterphonedheronenight.Shesaidinanuncharacteristicallysmallvoice,an

anguished,bewildered,veryshakyvoice,Mom,whydomenhateussomuch?

Donon-violentmenfearthatviolentmenwillridicule,beatandevenmurderthem

forbetrayingthemasculineBrotherhoodbyopposingmaleviolence?Theyalreadyare.

Themessagetonon-violentmenisthatbetrayingthe"Brotherhood"willgetthem

ridiculed,scorned,beatenandevenkilled.Whitemenwhoopposedracistmale

violenceintheUSwereoftenbeatenorevenmurderedbyviolentracistwhitemen.

Toomuchspacehasbeencreatedfortheacceptanceofviolentmentoactouttheir

unlimiteddepravity(themassmurdersofJewishpeople,indigenouspeople,blackpeople,womenduringthewitchburnings,nationalistgenocides,ethniccleansing

etc.).However,notenoughsafespaceexistsfornon-violentmentospeakout.The

messagenon-violentmengotfromthemurdersofGandhi,MLK,theKennedysand

othernon-violentmeniscleartosee.Non-violentmengetthecarrotandthestick.Thestickisridicule,beatingsandeven

murder.However,thecarrotismaleprivilege,thelossofwhichmayalsosilence

manynon-violentmen.

Thesearereasonsforsilencebutnotanexcuse.Non-violentmenmustnolongerremainsilentandavoidnamingmaleviolenceastheworstproblemintheworld.

Silenceiscomplicity.

Arewomenandmenafraidthatwewontknowhowtobuildanewworldbasedonkindnessandrespect?Areweafraidoftakingpersonalresponsibilityforcreating

suchaworld?

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Violentmenarealreadykillingtheworldandeverythinginit!So,whatdowehavetolosebynamingmaleviolenceastheworstproblemintheworldandaddressing

it?