Tim ChiuApril 7th, 2012

English Tao ClassKuang Ming Saint Tao Temple

Creating a Happy and Fulfilling Life

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings, but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints.

We spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy it less.

We have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, but less time;

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life; we've added years to life, not life to years.

We've conquered outer space, but not inner space.These are days of two incomes, but more divorce; of

fancier houses, but broken homes.

The Paradox of Our Time

Everyone seeks long-lasting joy, but most are not able to obtain it. So people settle for short-term happiness and suffering instead.Fulfill our external sensations

Ex. Coffee and caffeine addictionE.x. iPad, iPad 2, new iPad

Long-lasting joyAn internal feeling and experience

E.x. warmth of a family, even when you’re far away from home

Various techniques to create a happy and fulfilling lifeThe ability lies within us and not without

Suffering and Happiness

If happiness = ability/desires, then we simply need to raise our abilities and/or lower our desiresWhen is the happiest period(s) of our life?

Childhood Ian as an example

Not many abilities Can’t walk/run/eat solid foods

But his needs/desires are even less Don’t need new toys or clothes, tasty foods, etc

Our monthly income was $2K, but monthly expense was $4KUnhappy, worried, stressed

Our monthly income was $4K, but monthly expense was $2KHappiness is to lower our needs and desires while raising

our abilities

Where Does Happiness Come From?

See from multiple perspectivesIf a person can see his wife/mom’s daily

reminder as a form of caring, he will feel a sense of joy. But if he sees it as a form of constant nagging, then he will be in suffering.Asking Debbie what she and Ian did each day

A coin can appear as a line, cylinder, or circle depending on the perspectiveLearn to embrace each other’s views and

perspectives instead of just your own narrow viewsStory of two traveling angels

All things can not be viewed from a single perspective

How to Create Happiness?

Stuck in traffic Someone is probably in a bigger rush than you

Car breaks down in the forest Enjoy and appreciate the natural scenery Get some exercise

Laid off from work Grateful for company’s training and pay Take a break and find an even better employment opportunity

Sick Reminding us that our body needs to rest Warning that we need to watch our healthy

Family passes away No more suffering and pain for the family member Reminder life is transient and to cherish the present

Different Perspectives

Avoid limiting yourself Sit on a chair and you occupy a small square. Remove

the chair and the entire floor is yours.Peers who may judge you by the kind of clothes, car, or

house you have Worried about not having the money to buy them just to please

othersPeople who matter don’t mind, and the people who mind

don’t matter There is no such thing as “Should” – avoid the

unnecessary stressHusband should support the family financially; wife should

take care of the children and other domestic affairs When your heart is wide, there is nothing that it can not

embrace and hold and still be at peaceThrow a rock at a puddle versus into a lake

How to Create Happiness?

Maintain a heart of gratitudePatriarch: “Gratitude is heaven. Resentment is

hell. Joy is for those with gratitude. Happiness is for those who are content.”

Cherishing and being grateful for what you have is joyEx. Coming to ETC versus watching TV/movies

“We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.” – Fredrick Koeing

How to Create Happiness?

Learn to let goOf the need to always be right

Not at the risk of ending great relationships, or cause a great deal of pain

Would I rather be right, or be kind? What difference will that make? Is my ego really that big?

Of the need for control of events, situations, people, etcIt’s OK when life doesn’t pan out the way you

expectedHold a fist and you will be empty-handed. Let go of

your fist and the whole world will be yoursEveryone is #1

How to Create Happiness?

• Everyone is number one • Don't ask if you can do ordinary things or not • With a single breath, you can change your life • You should welcome the future, no need to

wait• Everyone is number one• The secret to success is if you're willing or

not• Sweat the hottest sweat, and use your most

sincere heart• First place belongs to everyone • My hands are not your hands• My mouth is not your mouth • As long as a heart can withstand hardships• We can all be good friends • Don't fear how cold the road ahead may be • Until there is a little bit of warmth, I will

strive to reach it

• “Whenever I hear the sound of applause, I know I have also made another step forward

• But I used to not be able to stand up straight before”

• My road is not your road • My sufferings are not your sufferings • Everyone has hidden potential• To conquer everything• My tears are not your tears• My pain is not your pain• The same sky, a different glory• But it's equally moving• There's no need to fear in anguish and

self-pity• You only need to remain calm and rush

forward• Tell yourself, I have worth in my natural

abilities

See the world with a kind and positive light“When the world knows beauty as beauty, ugliness arises

When it knows good as good, evil arises” – Tao Te Ching Ch 2We live in a world of relatives and opposites (beauty/ugly,

fat/skinny, tall/short, big/smallWe can’t change the world to fit our desires, but we can

change our attitude to adapt to the world Want a job that pays high, close to home, and has few

responsibilitiesReveal the good and hide the imperfections

Not lying, but to use a kind and positive heart to see the world Story of the king and the artists

Wisdom in constructive communication Story of the daughter and the father

How to Create Happiness?

When we use a kind, selfless, and positive heart to view the same event, it will result in a different effect with our choice of words

The window is open and a cold breeze blows into the room. You can scold your wife, “Don’t you know how cold it is outside? Why don’t you go close the window??”Or one can say, “Hun, I’m afraid you’ll catch a cold. Do you

want to close the window?”You give a stash of cash to a friend and say, “Count it and

make sure it’s right so that you can’t blame me later on if the sum isn’t correct” Instead say, “Why don’t you count it just to make sure I

didn’t give you any extra as I often make mistakes counting money.”

Positive Words

Avoid criticizing others “People should criticize less, blame less, and resent less in

order to be happy. Only then will they be able to communicate and bring happiness to others.” – Carnegie

Arguing about who should change the diaper or which position Ian should sleep in Criticizing, blaming, and resenting each other will only affect Ian and our

quality of rest While the techniques and results may not be the same, our intentions and

heart are the same – for the family “There are no perfect actions, only perfect intentions” – Mr. Miyagi – Karate Kid

When others criticize us, we should be grateful to them as they are ridding us of our past sins and karma

There is no need to associate yourself with every criticism There are many lecturers and Tim Chiu’s in the world

When others insult you or anger you, that is their problem. But if you become angry, then it’s become your problem as well. Buddha: “You came ten years too late. Back then, I would have reacted to

your insults, but now, I have chosen to not be controlled by others, to be enslaved. I am my own master and act according to my conscience only.”

How To Avoid Suffering?

Don’t ask others to be just like usWe live in a world of opposites, so nothing will be identical,

even twinsOur differences is what makes the world so interesting

The world is beautiful because of the various mountains, hills, plains, rivers, lakes, trees, grass, etc

If we all had an 180 IQ and the same ego, the world would be in a lot more chaos

Avoid comparing yourself with others. We all have our own talents and abilitiesCan’t be a tall tree, then be a small grass; can’t be the manager,

then be the individual contributorAvoid giving ourselves and our kids unnecessary pressure or stress

Most important is to discover who we really are as a person and to be ourselves to the best of our abilitiesLiving a fulfilling and meaningful life

How To Avoid Suffering?

Distinguish what is true from the false True = character, virtue, merits; internal and eternal attributes

that people can’t take from you False = material, temporal; external manifestations that can

disappear someday Measuring our self-worth based on our material possessions is

a source of suffering because they are not everlasting House (fire), car (accident), job (fired), body (sickness/death), riches

(robbers) Doesn’t not mean that we shouldn’t ever buy/own anything, but

rather how we use our possessions to do meaningful work Getting a new Mac Book Pro from work

Felt so lucky, happy, worthy, only to be reminded by Debbie that it is not mine to keep, but to use to do worthwhile things

“My riches consist not in the extent of my possessions, but in the fewness of my wants.” – Joseph Brotherton

How To Avoid Suffering?

Trials are actually opportunities for growthDon’t waste a crisis – Bruce Martin

Gold is not as valuable until it has gone through the smelting process

Giving lecture is an opportunity for us to improve our understandingWhy lecturers are always thankful to give lectures

When we have friction with our family, friends, and coworkers, we need to thank them for giving us the opportunity to see things from a different perspective and opening our wisdomSuffering = wisdom not revealed yetHappiness = wisdom revealed with a peaceful heart

How To Avoid Suffering?

Share your happiness with othersThe world has many things which if you

give to others, you will end up with less. The only exception is Happiness where the more you give, the more you shall receive

Smile and compliment each othersIt’s easy, free, and will be returned to you

many fold

How to Create Happiness?

Learn to elevate our abilities while lowering our needs and desires

Learn to see life from multiple perspectives Avoid limiting and self-defeating thoughts Maintain a heart of gratitude Learn to let go of our need to always be right and be in control Use a kind and positive heart to see the world Avoid criticizing others Avoid asking others to be like us Distinguish what is true from the false Embrace trials and challenges as they make us better and wiser Share your joy and happiness with others Learn more, cultivate, and propagate Tao as that will lead you

to a joyous and fulfilling life

Conclusion

Describe an experience that has brought you a lot of joy or sorrow and the feelings you experienced at the time.

From the different techniques that were discussed today, which one resonated with you the most and is most applicable to your daily life?

Group Discussion

Creating a Joyful & Meaningful Life 【創造幸福美滿人生】 : A life that is filled with long-lasting joy and meaning is a goal that many of us seek, but few are able to achieve and maintain. Instead, we focus our attention on the short-lived sensations which often leads us to disappointment and emptiness at the end of the day. In this class, we will learn some of the secrets that wise philosophers, professors, and enlightened individuals have shared with us over the years which we can apply to our daily life so that we may all live an even more joyful and meaningful life

Synopsis